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Tag: relationship issues

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought of the week

    “After a foolish deed comes remorse”! Feeling sorry always follow a foolish act.

    Question:

    Dear Princess, my name is Linda, I am supposed to be getting married in two weeks but right now I am not even sure the wedding is even going to hold. I made a major mistake which is really threatening to ruin my happiness and my life as a whole, right now I am even contemplating suicide because I feel that might just be the only way out of all this mess and shame which I have brought upon myself. Princess I just need to share my story with you and to other young women out there for them to learn from my mistakes. I am 26 years old, i have a good job as a customer care representative in a major telecoms company in the country. I met my fiancee whom I’m supposed to get married to in two weeks. Two years ago when he came to our office to lay a complaint as regards his mobile line which was mistakenly blocked by our network, that day he was really angry with the staff he met on duty, I was able to calm him down, explained that we were sorry that it was a computer mix up and sorted the issue for him in less than 20minutes, he murmured some thanks asking for my card and took his leave, I totally forgot about him and the incident because in the course of my work I tend to meet a lot of customers on a daily basis treating different issues for them as regards our different services, so for, me he was just another customer. A month later he called my number introducing himself, sincerely I was not able to recollect him particularly since I had attended to several other clients during that period, I asked if he had any issues with his line again, he said no that he just wanted to thank me, I made him realize there wasn’t any need for that since i was doing the job am being paid to do, he asked if we could get together for a drink, I politely declined, it willnot be professional mixing client I met in the course of my work with pleasure. Men in the country I have noticed were very flirtatious towards the opposite sex that works as customer care representative, so I was always careful with them all. Samuel, that’s his name was persistent, every morning he would send me inspirational text message wishing me well for the day, at night he would do same, he would call sometimes during the day just to check on me, I still insisted that I wasn’t ready for a date with him but gradually I softened and agreed to meet up with him for a drink after 2months, he sounded genuinely excited, we met up for dinner after work and I must confess, his company was really enjoyable as I had not been on a date for quite a while, I had just recently broken up with Emeka, my boyfriend of 7 years right from my university days, I loved Emeka dearly and he was everything to me, he was my first love, I could do anything for him but the problem we had over and over again was Emeka’s womanizing streaks, he was very randy, carefree and I was always catching him with different girls, he would always apologize, making it clear to me that I was the only girl he truly cared for, because I loved him so much I would always take him back. After graduation, Emeka was still his normal self, he wasn’t even yet ready to settle down, still continuing with his pranks with ladies all over town, I got tired and frustrated, I wasn’t getting any younger, couldn’t go on waiting for a man that wasn’t ready to settle down to have a family, my mum and aclosest friend who was already married for 3 years with 2kids advised me strongly, as painful; as it was, I called off my relationship with Emeka. Samuel was the man I was getting close to after the break up, so the date with him was breath of fresh air. Samuel is a very serious minded man and we started a relationship, within 4 months, he proposed to marry me, Samuel was the type of man any woman would want to settle down with, I was excited, we started making wedding arrangements. Some weeks to my wedding, I was doing some shopping on the island, it was such a coincidence that I came across Emeka, he is not based in Lagos but he said he came on an official assignment and putting up with a friend somewhere on the island, he wished me well on my upcoming wedding, we got talking as old time friends, somehow I had missed his company when I was through he asked me to drop by for a drink at where he was putting up, since the traffic was hectic, I decided to chill for a while with him. We got there, still gisting about the old times, Emeka was a lively person, after sometime he started getting too close, wanted to start touching me and all that, I told him to stop, was very angry my wedding was coming soon, he calmed me down, talking about the old times and what we shared, asking me to share this last time with him before my marriage, he could be very sweet mouthed, I didn’t even know what came over me, I relaxed, Emeka knew how to make a woman feel real good, he led me to the bedroom and we made love. I felt very guilty afterwards, I just wanted to go home, we got dressed, moved back to the sitting room, Princess, behold in the sitting room relaxing was Samuel’s first cousin, Andrew who I had met several times, he was the one Emeka was putting up with, a colleague of Emeka who was Andrew’s friend linked them up together, Jesus, I knew I was finished, the look on his face said it all, I rushed away from the scene, my head was exploding, when I got home I was crying and couldn’t even talk to anybody. Andrew, told Samuel what happened, he called and asked me if it was true, I was just crying and apologizing, Samuel told me point blank he was calling off the wedding, everybody blamed me and now pleading for Samuel to reconsider, I admitted I made a fatal mistake and would never ever do such again, Samuel is adamant and not listening to anyone, I feel like committing suicide, Princess please what do you advise me to now?? Linda Yaba

    Answer

    A knife cuts ones hand and we throw it away, the damage is already done! I really do not understand you youths ofnowadays, the way you makesex so casual is very disturbing. It is something that two consenting adults should enjoy between each other, yes, some people will tell you the unplanned and the risky one is the most exciting, but at what cost, especially to someone like you. You have not since Emeka in so long, yet you had unprotected sex with him, according to you, he was a loose canon when its comes to women, the real reason you left him. During your separation, he could have contracted the Hiv virus or any other sexually transmitted disease for that matter. Now, couples nowadays have a big problem with fidelity, most Nigerian men believe it’s a norm for them to cheat in their relationships, to the extent that some do it so openly and brag about it. Well, women now do not see anything wrong with cheating on their men, but they are more discreet about it because if a man is caught cheating on his partner, it is acceptable, but it a woman is caught, she will be label a “slut”! Unfortunately, you are caught in this conception. My strong advice is to continue begging him and pray that he loves and believes you enough that this just happened at the heat of the moment. If you can be easily tempted when you are not married, what will happen when you start to have issues in your marriage, will you be able to take your vows seriously? If he believes and feels that you are a strong enough woman to withstand the marital storm and you are able to make him realize this, am sure he will forgive you. I wish you all the best and pray others can learn from your mistake.

    Thought of the week

    In any relationship, love, trust and complete understanding is very crucial. The icing is effective communication and complete emotional support of one another. Lots of marriages nowadays are “empty shells”, wherein none of the above recommendations are no longer present, both couples just stay in it for “show”! Some couples have not even touch each other intimately in years, this are couples in their forties, yet outside the four walls of their home they put up a happily face in the society, yet they are both unhappy together but are more concern about what society will think? “If a wall is not broken, a lizard cannot penetrate it”! Young couples, practice the above advise very earlier in your relationships.

    Thought of the week

    “All that glitters is not gold”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

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  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Question

    Dear Princess, My name is Ayomide, I am a part four engineering student in a higher institution in the country, though due to the ongoing universities strike in the country been at home for some months now. Currently I am dating a 22 years old girl, her name is Olaide, we have been dating for over a year now, l am so in love with her, it took me a while to convince her to date me, she is very homely a down to earth girl, she means so much to me, she is a source of joy and inspiration to me, I am a very serious minded and focused individual as such Olaide is my only girlfriend, I love her so much and see no reason for me to cheat around with any other lady,already we have started discussing future plans and my plan is to graduate from school, get a good job and get married to the love of my life in the nearest future. I have a very close friend to me, we have been friends from childhood and even schooled in the same university, his name is Mayowa, he’d always been more outgoing and on the bubbling side than me, always looking for social activities to keep busy and unlike me, he is very interested in girls, he takes pride in sleeping with different girls even encouraging and teasing me to do same, but in all that we understand and respect each other so well, he also does not joke with his academics and we complement each other so well as friends. Due to the ongoing universities strike, most times we are always at either my place or Mayowa’s place, since Olaide’s university is also on strike too, she spends a lot of time with me. There’s never a dull moment with Mayowa and my girlfriend always enjoys his company and is always laughing at his jokes, she even finds his lifestyle fascinating because he’s always with a different new girl every time we hang out he teases her that he is not an ‘old school” like her boyfriend (me), she always laugh over it and says she loves me so dearly the way l am, that always brings a smile to my face. Princess, recently l kind noticed that Olaide has been becoming so used to Mayowa and whenever he’s not around with us, she is always asking after him, asking over and over again when he will be back, at first that didn’t bother me as I see Mayowa as a brother so it didn’t really get me worried, but when I noticed that is now get to a point that anytime Mayowa is around, Olaide would always like to sit at his side, and always laughing even when he was not saying anything too funny and always having a smile for him, I started getting worried that could it be that my girlfriend was getting to like my friend too much? I trust my girlfriend, there is no reason for me to doubt her loyalty to me also I believe in the friendship I share with Mayowa, he understands what Olaide means to me and how much I love her so I don’t see him betraying me by having anything to do with my only girlfriend but still I am uneasy and alarm bells ringing in my head, I started making sure Mayowa is not always around whenever I had my girlfriend with me even though she would always ask about him. Princess, four days ago Olaide called me and said she would not be seeing me that day because she’s going on some errands for her mum, a day before Mayowa had already informed me that he was going out to hook up with one of his new girls as usual, I was at home alone bored. NEPA as usual has taken light, it was hot inside so I just decided to sit down in front of the house for some fresh air, after sitting out for some minutes, I saw Mayowa’s younger brother passing, I asked him if Mayowa was back, he told me that Mayowa had been in all day and was still at home till now, immediately I called his phone twice, there was no response, since his house was just down like 5mins walk from mine, l decided to take a stroll and check him up at home to ease more boredom. On getting to Mayowa’s house, I heard music from inside so I knew he was home, I knocked and knocked on his door, he took like 5mins for him to come to the door, uncharacteristically for him, he blocked me at the door and didn’t want me to enter, Mayowa has a room and parlor alone to himself in his father’s house, even if he had any female visitor, I had access to his place and would just sit down in the living room while they were busy in the room, Mayowa whispered to me that the babe he had inside was a new catch, he was still busy trying to convince her to sleep with him, I laughed telling Mayowa that when was he going to change his ways, while we were talking at the door, I looked inside, I saw a bag and shoes that looked familiar, Mayowa closed the door, something wasn’t right, the bag and shoe I saw looked familiar, they actually were like Olaide’s own, I called her phone immediately, she didn’t pick, called over and over again, no answer, confused and dejected strolled home, could my imagination be real, was my girlfriend the one in friend’s house without my knowledge? There could only be one answer to what she was doing there if she was the one there I was confused when I got home, Olaide was still not picking her calls, my instincts was telling me something I didn’t want to believe, I could have gone back to Mayowa’s house and forced to go inside but the pain and disappointment I was feeling didn’t allow me to, I was devastated. Later in the day Mayowa came to my place, as usual he gisted me about the new catch and how he slept with her and the naughty things they did together, I kept a straight face, hardly smiled. The next day, Olaide came to my place, I asked why she wasn’t picking her calls the previous day, she said she forgot he phone at home, I called her a liar and told her I was aware she was at Mayowa’s place the previous day, I saw her bag and shoes and he had even told me what they did together and how she slept with him and all sorts, I called her names that I never want to see her again, she bust out crying, going on her kneels and said she didn’t know what came over her and she regrets what she did and would never ever do such again, I told her to leave my place that our relationship is over. She has been calling, texting and apologizing for the past 2 weeks, pleading that I should forgive her, meanwhile Mayowa has been avoiding me, Princess, I am confused, I love Olaide so much but she really hurt me by sleeping with my friend, what do you advise me to do?

    Answer

    DearAyomide, what is bad, Olaide and Mayowa had crossed a line that friends and lovers don’t cross. Respectively, they both mean something very special to you. Unfortunately then both allow the feeling of the flesh to cloud there judgment. Laide got intuated with the easy, uncaring character in Mayowa. You are laid back and much cooler than your friend. If Olaide can be tempted so easily with the fun going side of Mayowa, obviously she needs more than you’re giving her. What guarantee do you have that if the next fun guy comes around she would not jump in bed with him? If you marry her, works to much and she finds repeat itself. It better to go through the pain now than in the future. I wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week

    “All that glitters is not gold”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    Compatibility in a Relationship

    The secret ingredient to a happy relationship. It is true that we all want our relationship or marriage to be loving and long lasting.

    Then why are so many people boneheaded about their choices in partners? Many seem unaware of the obvious, predicators of relationship success and longevity. Somehow, too many people have the view that sexual chemistry, physical attraction and love at first sight is what you should look for in a long term relationship. This is barely a Hollywood fantasy and myth.

    What better predicts long term, success and happiness in an intimate relationship is more about compassion than passion. Compatibility matters and it does mattersa lot in an ideal marriage, couples are not just sharing “hot sex”, but are sharing a practical day-to-day life together. Raising children, career, managing a home, cooking, cleaning, shopping, being with friends and family. The rest of the regular daily living is really where the rubber meets the stamp in relationships and relationship satisfaction. Attentiveness to each other feelings is very crucial.

    If couples are not compatible in these areas, then inevitably the connection and attraction will reduce, tension emerges, and too often relationships fracture and fall apart.

    Dear Princess,

    I am a 32 years old woman married to a man that is 61 years old, we have been married for three years , I know a lot of people will wonder how come I am married to such an older man, well I will explain a bit about that to you, in my younger years I have always been unlucky with guys, I had been in several different relationships that the guys just keep walking away when I needed them most, twice I have been promised marriage but the guys just backed out without any real excuse, those incidents left me devastated and really heart-broken. At a time I even made up my mind not to have anything to do with any guy because I saw them all as liars. It was around this time that my very close friend Chioma who had always been known to always date older men encouraged me to hang out with her with one of her older boyfriends ,what is commonly referred to as sugar daddies. Initially I was against going with her because I had always been critical of such affairs but after much persuasion and due to my current state of mind at that time, I decided to escort her just to while away time and free my mind a bit. We got to the club house and there were quite a few men there all of them in their fifties and above, they were all chatting, drinking and could see clearly they were having their fun. My friend mixed up with them freely, I was quiet and just looking at things around me, there was this particular man, he came to me introducing himself as Demola, asked if he could sit down with me, he sat down and wanted to start getting friendly, I was cold towards him cause was not really in the mood to talk, he didn’t get angry or irritated, he asked if I needed anything to make me feel more comfortable, he was just being really nice, I declined all his offers, he just kept smiling, now asked to take his leave, he requested for my phone number, I didn’t want to give it to him but he was persistent in a friendly way, well just to get him to go I gave the number to him and he went off.

    A week later, I received a call, the person introduced himself on the phone as Demola, the name didn’t click, he introduced himself further, we exchange pleasantries, my day had been very boring so I was actually glad to have someone to talk to on phone at the time he called, we chatted for some minutes, it became a routine, he was calling me every other day, I actually I looked forward to his calls, he was very matured, always cheered my moods up ,always having an advice for me when necessary, we got to see each other again after a month, I really enjoyed his company and from then we became really close, he had been widowed for some years and has grown up kids that were my age, I was very comfortable and relaxed around him, some eight months later, he proposed to marry me, I was shocked but also glad because I knew Demola was going to make me a very happy woman, I was 29 years old while he was 58 years, the age gap was much, but after all the heart-break I had been through with younger men, I didn’t care about that, my parents, family and friends too were sceptical about me marrying such an older man, I stood my ground and we were married in a very colourful wedding, I was really very happy and fulfilled.

    After the wedding, life was okay, but as the months went by I started having some issues with my husband as regards his business schedules. He was the CEO of a multinational research and marketing company as such was always travelling from one place to the other for days,sometimes weeks, it was always so lonely without him, I was always complaining, even whenever he was around , he was always so tired, always wanting to relax because of his busy schedule, my sexual needs became secondary to him ,I became frustrated because I was still a young woman who craved to be satisfied sexually and also want to get pregnant to have my own kids, my husband always waved off my complaints saying I was just childish and should understand he was keeping busy so as to be able to retire in some few years to spend enough time with me thereafter. After 2 years of our marriage I was still yet to get pregnant and our sex life was very poor, he showered me with expensive gifts at every opportunity, but deep inside I was not completely happy, since my husband already had his own kids, he wasn’t pressured about my getting pregnant.

    It was around this time I met Kunle, we met at the shopping mall, he was ahead of me on the payment queue, we got talking and exchanged numbers, after talking on phone for a while, we started hanging out for drinks, I always enjoyed his company, he is single. Four months into our friendship, he started asking me out, he knew I was married. Initially, I was surprised but he told me clearly that I am his kind of woman and since he understands the kind of unhappy marriage I am stucked with, he said he’s ready to marry me if I can walk out.Kunle is 38 years old, handsome, caring and has a good job. He has become more persistent over the past few weeks and sincerely I have really come to like him so much. My husband is still very busy with his work. Princess at this point I am confused, what do I do? Should I stick with the unhappy marriage, or listen to Kunle and try to change the path to happiness and fulfilment for myself?Olanike-Maryland.

    Dear Olanike,

    Anyone can into your life and say how much they love you. It takes someone real special to stay. There’s also a saying, the devil you know is better than the one you don’t know. Yes, Kunle is young, appears to have time, you are very close in age, but what gives you the guarantee that when you fully commit to him he will not eventually not have time for you or worst off, would start to cheat on you because he’s still very sexually vibrant and out there. Demola on the other hand, Yes, is much older, caring, loving but due to his busy schedule does not have much time to spend with you and satisfy you sexually. I want you to ask yourself, is life about sex? Is life about being with somebody that can give you peace of mind? Now, I want you to remember that marriage is an institution, it has its ups and downs, in any marriage, you sleep on your bed as you lay it. My candid advice is for you to sit down, do a positive and negative appraisal of both men, keeping at the back of your mind that infidelity and financial difficulties are the two main things that destroys most marriages. Base your conclusion on the man that will probably not cheat on you and can guarantee you a long term financial stability. Most importantly, go with one that loves and cares for you the most and vice-versa. I wish you all the best.

    Thought of the week.

    “While you are busy looking for the perfect person, you will probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

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  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    The question last week was, “are there still virgins on wedding night? Well, the answer might surprise you fifty young couples were surveyed, married for the last two years. Out of the fifty couples, we found that more than 30% of the wives were virgins on their wedding night. Out of the 30% found, a whopping 25% were from religious background, be it muslim or christian, 25% out of the 30% attributed the reason for been able to be absolute to their mothers and 3% associated it to their fathers. They all agreed that if you have a good upbringing and you listen to the advice of your parents it is very helpful, plus been content with whatever your parents gives you is also very crucial to been able to survive peer pressure. The husbands were then asked if meeting their wives as virgins on their wedding night makes any difference. Most agreed it make them happy, some said, it makes little difference to them. But the one thing that almost all agreed to is that each day they think about their wives, knowing that she has never bear “touched” by another man, it gives then special joy, for this, it help to reduce cheating on their wives, talk less of marrying another woman. Almost all the women agreed to been happy and content with their marriages.

    QUESTION

    Dear Princess, my name is Oyinkansola, I am a twenty five year old Bio-chemist, there is something that has been really bothering me over the past few weeks and I’ve been seeking someone with experience to advise me, I am just really confused right now.

     

    I come from a middle class Christian family, where my Dad made sure we had the basic things we needed, my mother was a complete housewife, we were three kids of whom I was the eldest, life growing up with my parents and siblings was fun and full of happy memories.

    My Dad used to work for a fabric company owned by Lebanese investors, myself and my younger ones all attended good private schools and when I finished from secondary school I promptly gained admission into the University, my parents were really excited and my father was even following me to school to make sure my whole admission process went on well and I settled properly into school. All through my childhood, my parents instilled discipline and strict Christian values into me, I never engaged myself in social vices that some of friends did, till I entered the university I remained a virgin and I promised myself and my parents that I will remain a virgin till I get married. At the university, I maintained the lifestyle I grew up with, I refused to follow the bandwagon and did not join class and hostel mates in going to campus shows and parties, I was a Christian unionactive member. Academically I maintained good grades.

    Tragedy struck at the end of my second year in the university, my Dad was involved in a ghastly motor accident and despite all efforts, he lost his life, Princess at this point things started falling apart, my father’s company took care of his burial expenses and gave us three months’ salary of what my father used to earn, it was at this point that it dawned on us that the company had no pension scheme or any other provision in place for taking care of family members of their staffthat died on duty, it was really devastating, my father’s family did not help matters at all, since my father did not leave any will, they were bent on sharing his properties in their supposed ‘traditional’ way, the only house my father built, they insisted it was built on the family land and that the house belonged to the whole family and as such we could not take possession, things went from bad to worse, my mother couldn’t do much as she had always been living in the shadows of my Dad and had no business or source of income of her own, it got to the extent that my school fees and that of my siblings was due and there was no way to pay them.

    One evening I was strolling home from the junction where I went to get some needed items, I couldn’t take a cab or bike because I had exhausted all money on me, a car parked by my side and asked where I was going, normally I wouldn’t have answered or even listened to such a person, but I was tired, had no money for transport so I just entered his car when he offered to drop me at home, he was quite an older person, very friendly, and easy to talk with, he noticed the sadness in me and asked what was wrong, I opened up my problems to him and he was very sympathetic, he collected my phone number and promised to call me to see what he could do to help, my hopes were raised and I prayed to God that night to enable the man in keeping his promise.

    Some days later, he called and asked me to meet him somewhere in the town for a drink, I rushed up there very hopeful, he bought me lunch and after the meal was when he dropped his bombshell, he said clearly that he was willing to help me more than I even imagined but that I had to pay a price, I didn’t understand initially, then he told me in plain language that he will have to sleep with me before he will render any assistance to me, he showed me money and swore that if I fulfill his condition, he will take care of me and my siblings and make sure we don’t suffer again, I was reluctant and explained to him that I was a virgin ,he said if he confirms it, he would double what he promised to do for me, at this point I was really confused, should I keep to my earlier vow of keeping my virginity till marriage or let this man sleep with me and get the much needed money? I had just a week to pay my school fees or miss my exams? It was tough but I had no choice than to let him have his way, he actually kept to his promise and even took care of me for a while but ultimately his wife at home found out about our relationship and he had to terminate it, I was back to square one and finally got to join a group of girls on campus that were professional call girls, we had agents that had our numbers and called us when we were needed to meet up with men, sleep with them and get paid, Princess I slept with quite a number of men before I graduated but after graduation, I stopped the act.

    After graduation, I got a very good job with a reputable medical firm; I was doing really good and was able to take care of my family. I met Ijeoma in the plane on one of my official trips abroad, we got really talking and months later became inseparable and he proposed marriage. Ijeoma is from a very rich and affluent family and now he is planning a very big societal wedding. Now this is the source of my headache, I have lived a very indecent past and I feel in the course of publicizing and having a big wedding, someone might be able to recognize me and spill the beans about my dirty past to my husband to be, Please Princess should I do now? Oyinkansola-Omole Lagos.

    ANSWER.

    Dear Oyinkansola, your story is very pathetic; I do really commend you for what you had to go through to finish your education. Ordinarily it’s not a practice that I condole but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

    There are several options, one is to keep quiet and let sleeping dogs lie. But if you do that, the ‘WHAT IF’ that will be going through your conscience might lead to high blood pressure. The second option is to sit your fiancée down, narrate everything you just told me to him, if he really does love you like he should, he will understand that once you graduated you left that ‘dirty practice’ where it begun. Your past should remain your past, it’s what you do now and in future that should really matter. Just hope for the best and prepare your mind for the worst. I sincerely wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week.

    To love someone is probably one of the easiest things to do. To keep loving someone in spite of their good and bad habits is probably the hardest thing to do.