The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Relationships

  • 10 reasons women break up with men

    10 reasons women break up with men

    If you have often wondered why your girl broke up with you, maybe you need to retrospect upon the kind of relationship you shared with her. Take a look at some reasons, which are a complete turn off for women, leading to subsequent breakups.

    A successful relationship is plausible only with mutual acceptance of each other, in a complete manner.

    But if you make the following mistakes, chances are you’re still going to wind up single sooner or later.

    1. You don’t know how to treat or make a woman happy.

    2. You only Text. Texting is perfectly acceptable when you want to flirt or ask a quick question. But for conversations that take more than 30 characters, pick up the phone and call your girlfriend.

    3. You Never say “I’m Sorry”. Everyone likes to save face. But having too much pride to never apologize can be a really big problem.

    4. You are not romantic and you don’t know how to use words such as; sweetie, Angel, Sexy, My world, Treasure, My Queen etc. Women love to hear their praises.

    5. Some guys lie a lot believing that ladies fall in love when you tell them lies. It’s wrong because when she finds out the real you, she can quit the relationship.

    6. You don’t know her friends. Boxing out your partner’s friends is a relationship deal breaker. You don’t have to love her girlfriends, but you need to respect the bond she has with them.

    Read Also: ‘I mistakenly cheated on my wife with her kid sister’

    7. You don’t ask questions. Your silence says a lot. By not asking follow-up questions to her stories, you’re expressing that you’re not interested in her life,

    8. You have No Future Ambition (NFA). No woman wants a man that has no prospect.

    9. You’re never on time. You got stuck in traffic. You spilled a coffee as you walked out the door. You lost track of time. Whatever the excuse is, your girlfriend is sick of you consistently showing up 5 or 10 minutes late.

    10. You can’t stop gushing about your ex. A man who keeps talking about his ex-girlfriend all the time is heading towards a breakup, even before he realizes what’s hit him.

     

     

    Why did you break up with your Ex?

  • ‘Is it wrong to date someone who just experienced a heartbreak?’

    “I met this really exceptional lady 18 months ago.

    As at then, her boyfriend just broke up with her. According to her, she gave him her all including her virginity.

    We got along so well, and I assisted her in forgetting him gradually or so I thought.

    We became friends and gradually the bond grew stronger. We told each other anything and did everything together.

    Feelings and emotions came to place and of course, I asked her out.

    We started dating and she constantly reminds me not too love her too much, because she believes that she might hurt me.

    She happens to mean so much to me and I have decided to love her with no condition.

    Although, I am way older than her, she is a very young lady who believes that her dreams are major priority for her.

    She was so scared of commitment but I assured her that I am willing to stay no matter how long it would take.

    We have been fine and relationship has been smooth until recently, she became all aggressive and secretive.

    She avoided receiving calls in my presence and went as far as securing her phones.

    I got so worried and tried all I could to make her talk. I apologized to her in case I had done something I wasn’t conscious of.

    She was still moody, refused to pick my calls and asked me to stay away from her.

    I kept pushing hard, trying every means to reach her until finally she gave me a chance to talk to her.

    She told me that her ex is back and that her love for him is still sincere.

    She said that she already accepted him back and that I should please, forget about her.

    My feelings for her hasn’t changed a bit, before she accepted me, she told me how she had been trying to maintain balance in her previous relationship.

    She complained about how she was the only one showing all the love and care. She said the guy never created time for her and even goes as far as avoiding her calls.

    She told me how non challant the guy could be and how he makes her cry often.

    Read Also: ‘My wife apologises for my mistakes, it irritates me’

    Now, she has decided to go back to that cage. At this point, I am so confused.

    I really don’t know what to do or say. I love her and I don’t want to lose her.

    Was it a mistake to have loved someone who recently had heartbreak?

    Was I wrong to have loved her with all of my heart and mind?

    How do I tell her that the guy is no good for her?

    How do I make her realize that she deserves better? Much more better in fact?

    How do I sleep knowing that she is not happy?

    How do I make myself unlove her?”

     

     

    You can also share your story with us @info@thenationonlineng.net

  • ‘My wife apologises for my mistakes, it irritates me’

    “My wife can beg for the Nigeria. I don’t mean begging I mean apologisng.

    She apologizes even when I am wrong,her sorry is beginning to irritate me .

    I cheated on her with our neighbour’s daughter and she saw all the evidences, even the girls mum came to harass me and my wife kept covering for me.

    After the drama she came to beg me. I was irritated.

    I asked her, why are you apologizing and she said because she loves me, why can’t she wait for me to beg her when I wrong her. Why is she always playing the fool?

    So today, she saw a message on my phone, it was a message I sent to my side chick and she confronted me, I tried to explain to her and she got upset, as I was about leaving the house, she started begging me again.

    Read Also: ‘My wife was disvirgined right in my presence’

    Telling me that she is not angry again.

    I tried to push her away, she held me and I slapped her by mistake. Expecting her to let me go but she held my shirt and kept begging.

    I felt pity for her but at the same time I was irritated. Why is she acting all desperate? I love a woman that can be quite hard, not a foot mat.

    How do I go about this?

    I want her to stop apologizing sheepishly.”

     

     

    BOM

  • Drug addiction hurts relationships

    We were engaged, really in love with each other however I discovered that he loves taking weed( hmm…a drug addict). I got the first hot slap when I tried to confront him, he later apologized. I thought I could handle this alone until I caught him sniffing the weed again..this time I could not help it but unleashed my frustration on him.. he gave me another thunderbolt slap that almost made me deaf. I tried to gain my balance and afterwards broke into a run. I was fed up…how on earth will I live with this for the rest of my life??? No way!! I went home and disclosed to my parents..of course they were shocked to hear such …moreover the introduction ceremony is just a few days away. My parents assured me that they will stand by me no matter what..I have made a wise decision by calling off the introduction ceremony. Without mincing words, I arranged a meeting with his father( he lost his mother a few years back) and I bluntly told his father that I was no longer interested in courting his son. The father broke down in tears pleading that I should help him. In his words “ I noticed this shameful behavior in him a few years ago but I did not know what to do…You have invested a lot in this relationship and both of you love each other..this relationship has lasted for more than two years. Please forgive him…he will change” Initially I was speechless..however I summoned the courage to look at his eyes and boldly said “ Dad, I have tried all I could to help your son…I read several books on dealing with drug addicts and even sourced online materials to help..but I have realised that the best I can do for your son is to lead him to a psychiatric hospital but he declined and even threatened to deal with me if I suggest that to him again. ‘ I’m afraid I am done with this relationship’. I gracefully took a walk out of the door and till date never regretted my actions.
    This is a real life story shared by a young lady recently on my radio program, Mindscope. I listened with rapt attention to the young lady with mixed feelings. Shock, anger, acceptance and then compassion are the emotional stages I experienced. Frankly, I do not intend to embellish this piece with statistics of drug addiction…the bad news is that in Nigeria today, children as young as sixteen years and below have free access to drugs and do use them frequently to the blissful ignorance of parents and guardians. Of recent, the Abia State Commandant of National Drug Law Enforcement Agency disclosed that a Junior Secondary School student in Ohafia Local Government Area of Abia State reportedly died after he allegedly took 10 tablets of Tramadol in order to enhance his performance in the interhouse sports. Really sad! Precious life lost to drugs. We cannot overemphasize the need for drug education at all levels.
    Back to the story, one key lesson I learned was that though we all(human beings) have different racial and ethnic backgrounds and are from all types of families, our emotions and passions have commonality; we respond to the human condition and life challenges, hardships and disappointments in very similar ways. The father observed that his son was into drugs and he tried to deal with it all alone..no thanks to the stigmatization from internal and external family and the society at large.

    Even the fiancée also followed suit, she tried to help him all by herself..she confessed she did not tell any of her friends instead she read books to equip herself with self –help medications, deployed all manner of love adventures just to prove to her drug addict Fiancé that she meant well..but all was to no avail! it is unfortunate that many in similar situations always feel that they can handle it all alone. The bitter truth is that for many addicts, the first thing they think about when they wake up isn’t the welfare of their fiancé/fiancée or how their spouse or aging parents are doing. It’s whether or not they have the drugs they need for the day. They are driven by cravings for a continued diet of those drugs. Increasingly, getting the drugs he (or she )needs becomes the most compelling thing in his life. Of course this means that his relationships are going to go onto the back burner.
    Is there any hope of recovery? The good news is that an effective recovery program can bring that person back into the light. However you must be willing to work in cooperation with mental health professionals or kindly visit a psychiatric hospital and seek advice. Just as it took a long time to spawn the webs of drug addiction around its victims, it will take time as well to mentally detoxify and rehabilitate the victims. Do not be deceived, you need help!

  • ‘Forgiveness is important in relationships’

    ‘Forgiveness is important in relationships’

    A marriage counsellor, Pastor Tinu Oyenuga talks about the place of forgiveness in a home.

    I don’t agree with anyone who says that divorce rate is increasing. Although I know that there are things that can lead to divorce and I believe that intolerance and lack of communication is one of it.

    “People tend to spend so much time with their electronic gadgets that they hardly have enough time to develop good relationship with other people so you find out that in many homes, the man is on his phone, the woman is on her phone; and the home lacks attention.

    “They don’t even give attention to the children; so the major problem is not communicating. They both may want to communicate but they are so preoccupied with their electronic gadgets.

    “Another thing is that when you look at the home, the roles that the husband and wife are supposed to play are there. The traditional role that the man is the provider of the home, but because of the economic challenge that we have all over the world and the inability of the woman to compromise providing economic leadership as well as submission.

    “If I am the one managing the economics of the home, why should I be submissive to a man that is not able to make resources available to the home?

    “It takes somebody who is deep in faith and focused in faith to be submissive to somebody who is unable to play his role. I think inability to carryout role play has impacted on marriage negatively.

    “There are some people who are just living together because of rent; or to keep up public appearance. Some people will say that peer pressure causes divorce; personally I don’t agree with that because I believe there is less of peer pressure now as a grown-up  knows for sure what he or she wants and thinks for themselves.”

  • Three Signs You’re in a Bad Relationship

    Three Signs You’re in a Bad Relationship

    One of the most difficult things to admit is that a relationship that started out great and with so much promise has turned into something bad. When we enter a relationship, we’re wearing rose-colored glasses, focusing on all our partner’s good qualities and ignoring their faults.

    That’s why our family and friends are better at predicting the outcome of our relationships than we are! Here are three signs that it might be time to end your relationship.

    1) You don’t have personal freedom

    Relationships are not about controlling another person, they are about giving complete freedom and seeing that each other’s decisions are aligned. Every person has unique needs and the best relationships are ones in which partners fulfil each other’s most important needs.

    If you find your partner is controlling how you spend money, who you hang out with, how you dress, or any other decisions, take it as a big red flag. People who control their partners are insecure about their ability to meet their needs.

    They fear that freedom will help their partner realize that life is better without the relationship. A secure partner is confident in their ability to meet the other’s needs; they know that if their partner leaves them for someone else, the relationship wasn’t meant to be. This news might be tough to take at first, but in the end, there’s a better match out there and the relationship’s ending opens the door for a more fulfilling union.

    2) Your 80/20 ratio is off

    One of the most well-known couples researchers, John Gottman, is able to predict divorce with 90% accuracy. How does he do it? By watching partners communicate with each other, and coding their ratio of positive to negative exchanges.

    Couples should have at least 80% positive interactions. The other 20%, according to Gottman, may never get resolved. The arguments that are present at the start of a relationship are going to remain salient all the way through. Instead of focusing on those sources of conflict, the goal is to enhance the 80%. Work on making the relationship as positive as possible and let the rest go.

    If you find yourself in a relationship with a ratio slanted towards the negative, it may not be the healthiest. Try to make things work for a period of time, but recognize that expecting a partner to change is not the wisest strategy. It might be time to move on.

    3) You wish you were home alone

    You’re in a bad relationship when you find yourself wishing, too often, that your partner were not around. You start to realize that life would be easier and happier without them. When you’re in each other’s presence, things are tense, arguments ensue, and you feel unhappy.

    Waking up each morning is dreadful because they’re still there. Don’t stay in a relationship because you think you won’t find anyone better. Being on your own is better! It takes courage to admit that a relationship has turned sour but you’d be surprised at how strong and happy you can be on your own.

    Life is too short to waste time on someone who is not good for you. Your well-being is intricately connected to your partner; when the relationship is great, you’re great! But when it’s not going well, it adversely affects you in a big way. Every relationship experiences tough times and it’s worth working on issues to see if it will improve.  But when your happiness and well-being are affected for years or your partner is not helping to make things better (despite repeated requests!), it may be time to go.

    Culled from Psychology Today

  • How to keep your man

    How to keep your man

    Men want love as badly as women do. Most especially Lagos men. They just might not always be as obvious about it. But generally, they want the same thing: friendship, companionship, chemistry. So why is there so much confusion and miscommunication between the sexes?

    Rules. Some have been handed down through the generations. Others are ones we “see” to be true. And, of course, there are the ones written from our personal history.

    There are some universal rules applying to men that you probably could find inscribed on the walls of caves from long ago. They still ring true today:

    Praise Him

     Just like ladies, Men also adore women who shower them with adulation.

    Quit Nagging

    Men hate it. Tell them once what you want. You have a 50-50 chance it will be done. Tell them more than that within a 24-hour period and it’s called nagging. Lagos men have little chill, therefore be careful and avoid nagging.

    Crying

    Men really hate it. Imagine you finally get him to have a serious talk and you start crying because you don’t like how it’s going. Well, girlfriend, you killed that one. If he ignores your emotions, Finish the talk, and then cry to the dog or whoever.

    Where is this relationship going?

    Really? Fine, you have to know what plan he has for the relationship but you don’t have to ask this too early. You don’t have to rush things. You just have to let is flow.

    Food

    Feed him! I suppose the cliché rings true. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. They find that women who cook are more sexy and confident than women who do not. Gone are the days of takeout menus. As a man ages, so does his palate. Nothing pleases a man more than a hearty home cooked meal made by the love of his life.

    Be Naughty

    Try not to let your sex life become lackluster. Ask him about his ultimate sexual fantasy and play it out. Turn up the fun by turning up the kink. Do something spontaneous like surprising him with sex. Psst. It’s good for both of you. It keeps the connection and relieves stress and tension. He’ll be putty in your hands. Cook a meal for him after and he’ll be so happy he might even cry.

    Be supportive

    You should stand by your man through thick and thin, especially when it comes to difficult life decisions. Support him in his decision. No matter how unpleasant it may be, your partner needs your support to help him through the tough times so ensure that you are there for him.

    Show Appreciation

    It doesn’t matter how little the effort is, make sure you show appreciation often

     Love

    And more love. Tell him. Hug him. Text him. Laugh with him. Leave love notes in the bathroom or in his car. All the time. You’ll get it back in spades. It’s contagious and it keeps the special spark glowing bright.

    However Nigerian Youtuber Adefolake reveal ways to keep a man in Lagos. See video below:

    [jwplayer cYTC5rdw]

     

     

  • SIMI: ‘I’M A LOYAL LOVER’

    SIMI: ‘I’M A LOYAL LOVER’

    Meeting her for the first time, you will agree that X3M Music artiste, Simisola Bolatito Ogunleye, better known as Simi, comes across as opinionated. In this interview with CHIDINMA ONOZIE, she talks about love, life, relationships as well as her self-titled sophomore studio album, ‘Simisola’. 

    IS this your debut or your sophomore album?

    It’s my sophomore album. I had a gospel album in 2008. At the time, it did what it could do at that time. It was definitely not as big as this one, but I wasn’t as big as I am now though.

    Why did you switch to secular music?

    I just wanted to do more with my music. I wanted to be an all-round artist

    Will you say you are fulfilled now?

    I’ve always been fulfilled. I was fulfilled when I did gospel music so I wouldn’t say I feel more fulfilled or less fulfilled today.

    Looking at the album so far, what can you say about the reception?

    I’m extremely blown away because I know when I put out the track list and it had only one feature, a lot of people were skeptical about it. They doubted whether it was going to be a good enough album. I was a bit nervous, but at the same time I wasn’t. The reception has been amazing. We are topping the charts and we are really excited about that.

    Does it mean that the success of an album depends on how many people you feature?

    A lot of people think that. For example Jay Cole is a rapper who went platinum twice without featuring anyone, meaning it’s a big deal to do that by yourself. That means a lot of people attach major importance to features when it comes to the success of an album. A lot of people tend to think that.

    Don’t you think you are shooting yourself in the foot by just featuring one person in your album?

    I don’t think so because some of the biggest songs I’ve actually done are the ones I featured artistes. I don’t have any problem doing features. For this album, my plan was not to have any features. There were things I wanted to do but they did not work out. I expect the lifespan of my music to go on for a while. This is not the end of my career, so because I did not do features on this one does not mean I won’t do features on the other album.

    So you featuring Adekunle Gold, is it a sort of pay back for the work he did on the album?

    No that’s ridiculous. It’s an incredible coincidence, buts it’s not a pay back. I wrote a song, Take Me Back, four years ago and we decided we’re going to do the song. That was before he dropped his album, and it turned out that at that time the song was compiled, the only song that had a feature with him on it. There is no scheme.

    Did you write all the songs yourself?

    Yes, apart from Adekunle’s verse in the song and in Aimasiko, the song was like a mix of the original.

    How did you feel about Adekunle using your name to sing?

    It’s very flattering. My two favourite Adekunle Gold songs are Sade and Orente.

    So what’s going on in your personal life?

    Well the things I would like to keep close about are my personal life. Because like I always say, when you’re doing music or you’re acting, you’re in the entertainment department, your life becomes entertainment. So you keep it to yourself.

    Are you in a relationship?

    One thing that I like to keep very close to me is my personal life, not just my relationships. But yes, I’m in a relationship. I’ve never denied that, but I just won’t say with whom.

    At that point you wanted to put out your album, was there no fear that this album will not make it at all?

    Anything is possible. You know, it’s not possible for anybody to like everything. Even the biggest legend, there is someone that does not like them, so I knew that there would be people that would say that this is not my thing, and people that will like you. One thing is that I have never been of failure. I feel like you learn when you fail. For me, it was like, what are people going to say? Are there things I did wrong that people would notice?

    Your song Joromi explores a rare theme. Does it relate to your life?

    It could be. I mean the reason why it seems the girl is bolder than usual is because I’m singing about it. If you’re think about it, she is not saying anything to the guy. What you hearing me sing are her thoughts. She is trying to give the guy signs.

    In that situation, would you shoot your shot?

    (Laughs) I don’t know; maybe.

    Although it is regarded as un-African, do you think it’s advisable for a girl to probably drop hints on a guy that she likes?

    There is nothing wrong in showing a guy you like them. I mean there are definitely boundaries and there is a limit that you should adhere to, not that you should just go out like be all over. But there is nothing wrong. A guy that thinks she is cheap because she shows she likes him has a very small mind.

    Two distinct things about you are your vocals and your physique. Growing up, did they work to your disadvantage?

    I noticed that as I was growing up, I was defensive because I was small. I used to feel that everybody would want to take advantage of me because of that. I’ve always been a strong minded person. Before you give me two, I would give you five. I had to learn how to survive. Not everybody is trying to take advantage of you. I’m always sharp and ready to give it back to them. My voice has always been an advantage for me. People try to mimic my voice when am talking, I hate it so much. But it has always been a plus one for me.

    About your album, what message are you trying to pass to your fans?

    Basically, the songs are like a compilation of stories. Some of the songs are things I’ve experienced and things have seen other people experience. And the things I have felt and thought about, how things should be. For example, Love Don’t Care is very introspective. I’m thinking, is this how it’s supposed to be? I come from a culture where there is tribalism especially if you’re dating someone outside your tribe. Are you sure it’s the right thing? So I’m thinking, is this how love is supposed to be? I like to sing about real life. I sing what people can think about and say yea, that’s true.

    It would seem that your songs are predictable because most of them are about love and relationships…

    True, I have songs which are talking about them, but not all of them are saying the exact same thing. Like if you listen to Love Don’t Care, Tiff, Smile for Me, and Jamb Question, they are all telling different stories about the same thing and I think love is the most universal thing. But if you listen to my album not all of them are talking about love.

    What kind of lover would you say you are? Are you a fierce lover?

    I’m a loyal lover. I would like to say sacrificial, but that is very deep. But I’m loyal; and when I’m in, I’m all in.

    So what would one do that would really put you off?

    For me, trust is the foundation. If I can’t trust you, it’s hard for me to be with you. I think I love Nigerian men. People expect them to be trash and they also expect them to have bad attitude and they used that as a bad excuse. So if they mess around, they say he’s a man and that’s how they do. But we are all responsible for our decisions. You’re not responsible for all Nigeria men’s decision.

    What do you look out for in a man?

    I hate to be lied to.

    Why do you think Nigerian men are not romantic?

    Maybe they feel like they don’t have to be. I think that some Nigerian men do that because nobody pushes them to fight for anything so there is a sense of entitlement. They feel they are entitled to something. It’s been that way for generations. A man needs to feel like he has to fight for something cause he thinks that she will always say I am sorry. Some of Nigerian men are always self-entitled. And it’s not their fault. I blame their mothers.

    Are you saying that Nigerian women are forgiving?

    Yes, we have been trained to forgive. That’s how they raised many of us, but the narrative is changing.

    Do you agree that an international collaboration adds to an artiste’s resume?

    Yes it actually does, because if I do a song with Rihanna, there is a certain clout it will give me. It’s like expanding. When you feature, it’s like you adding.

    Talking about Falz, you guys had a musical chemistry. We were expecting you to feature him in your album. Why didn’t you?

    I have an entire EP with Falz. I’m sure we are going to do other things together but if you want to listen to something on me and Falz, we have entire project to listen to. I wanted to do something else.

    It seems there is a love triangle brewing. Should we expect an EP from you and Adekunle Gold or maybe the three of you?

    That would be funny (Laughs)

    How did you meet Adekunle Gold?

    I can’t remember where we met but I remember I saw him at a show where I was performing. He came to watch. He has been listening to my songs since when I was doing gospel music. He said he was a fan. From there, we became friends. I never knew he was a singer. I think Falz heard a song I did, we hooked up in the studio and he listened to my song. Soldier was my song actually. He heard Soldier and he was like, we should do something. But it did not come out at that time.

  • Avoid ungodly relationships, youths advised

    The Associate Pastor of Kingsword International Church Lekki Lagos, Oluyele Olubiyi, has advised Christian youths to shun all forms of ungodly relationship capable of distracting them from God’s purpose.

    Olubiyi spoke at a seminar by the Youth Fellowship of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Higher Ground Parish, Alakuko, Lagos.

    The event tagged Rethinking Relationship featured prayers, bible teachings, song rendition and networking session, among others.

    She lamented many youths have lost focus and purpose in life because of wrong relationships.

    Any relationship that does not have its root in Jesus Christ, she stated, is prone to abuse, heartache and disappointments.

    “We are not unwanted pregnancies. God was not distracted when we were conceived. So, we must involve God in all that we do, especially in the relationships that we keep.

    “We must love God and when we are in love with someone, we do all in our power to make them happy and fulfil their hearts’ desires. It’s God’s heart desire that we stay pure and remain a virgin till we get married.”

    Olubiyi advised young people confused and bound by pressure to do wrong: “You need to speak with someone. Don’t be ashamed. You are not the only one struggling to live a life of purity.”

    Staying sexually pure for Christian youths, she said, was not just an old time tale but God’s command.

    “You can decide to use your background as a reason to wallow in self pity and bad decisions or you can choose to make something good with your life. The choice is always with the individual,” she said.

  • Five reasons online dating might not be such a good idea

    Five reasons online dating might not be such a good idea

    For Ladies Only

     

    Only yesterday, I got a funny call from a guy I have never met. He said that he got my number online and would like us to date. Unfortunately (for him) I am married (and happily too), putting an end to that request. That got me thinking about a topic that keeps popping in and out of my head and sometimes comes up in conversations. Is really a good idea to go online, primarily for dating purposes? With all the people we meet at school, at work, church/mosque, in the bus  and so on, is it really that hard to meet new people? I wonder, if a person can’t meet new people any other way, I hope he/she has nothing to hide. You can call me old-school if you like, but the idea of someone I have never set my eyes on calling me out of the blues to ask for a date gives me the creeps. Why? Please continue reading.

    1. Online interaction, or friendship blinds one to a fact we grew up hearing our mothers drill into our young minds, “A stranger is someone who is capable of harming you.” We equate acquaintance or any form of interaction with friendship, and it’s a big mistake. Most of our friends are people we grew up with, went to school with, colleagues, former colleagues and so on. This traditional method means that you know people who know your friend, and have an idea of the kind of person you are dealing with. But with online friends, you are dealing with a totally unknown entity.

     

     

    1. In today’s fast paced, high tech world, meeting strange people online can be very risky. Think back to Cynthia, the Nigerian babe who was kidnapped, and later murdered by a guy she met online, and flew in to Lagos to meet. The poor girl had no idea that she was dealing with a fraudster, and murderer. The internet has become a free and easy highway for psychopaths and criminals to operate virtually without trace, especially in a porous environment like ours.

     

    1. Online dating is unnatural because a major part of human communication is not only verbal communication (speech), but also includes things like tone of voice, body language and the like. Women are created with a natural sense of intuition that often protects us (and our loved ones) from danger, but dealing with someone without face-to-face , and other physical forms of interaction makes it harder to be intuitive. Online communication lacks this feature and makes it difficult, if not impossible to make value judgments for ourselves about the person you are dealing with.

     

     

     

    1. It is hard to verify, ie do a background check on the person you are chatting with. In foreign climes, people are often warned, and given guidelines about dealing with strangers they meet online. Sometimes, as human beings our emotions blind us from seeing the truth before our very eyes, but with the evidence of other people, eyes are opened to the truth. For instance, in a regular relationship, a lady’s visit to a guy’s office, or home can lead to chance meeting with his friend who can inadvertently drop the truth that the guy is married yet conveniently forgot to tell his girlfriend, online relationships don’t accord nearly as much opportunity.

     

    1. Many people have been found to give false information about themselves, some use photos of other people, and sometimes build false profile info. It is hard to continually lie to a person you see over a period of time without making a mistake, telling a mismatched lie and so on, even the body language of a liar can trigger suspicion in the person being lied to. With online communication, it is much harder to tell, sometimes, almost until it is too late.

     

    Having said all the foregoing, I must agree that quite a number of relationships have been spawned by the internet, and led to marriage, but then again, it is still important to take care.