The Nation Newspaper

Tag: romantic

  • Faced with reality

    IT was her birthday and she had planned an outing with the one she loved. Ibidunni had invested so much on her hair, outfit and the other accessories that made the total package. The environment for the dinner was also great and exciting. The date, however, turned out to be a nightmare because the dude who was supposed to make it romantic failed to turn up.

    What a nightmare! Now that it has happened, the whole relationship and memories come flowing with stark realities. “I realised at this point that I had been wasting my time investing on a guy who did not deserve my emotions. Along the line, I had noticed that he was not sincere with me, I had suspected at different times that he was seeing other ladies but somehow I kept thinking that he was going to change. I kept thinking that he was going to get tired of his bad habits and then we would live happily together forever.”

    Dreamer! The truth of the matter is that you cannot give what you do not have. This is why relationships that are unplanned most often fail. Even though every relationship has its peculiar strengths and weaknesses it is better to plan and invest in your emotional future. The next question would be how you make core love investments? Are you sure that your investments would be appreciated as well as reap emotional dividends at the right time?

    Here, we must think of the type of emotional investment that we need to make; responsible investing as well as the costly mistakes that emotional investors make before forging ahead. Next, you need to define and understand the kind of investments you need to make as well as how to going about doing it in the right way.

    The love arena comes with a lot of complications and what you think is important may not necessarily be cool for the other party. In economics, investment is the accumulation of newly produced physical entities, such as factories, machinery, houses, and goods inventories.

    Interestingly, in finance, investment is a different ballgame entirely. Here it is putting money into an asset with the expectation of capital finance, dividend and interest earnings.

    However, these parallel lines meet at some point. Like financial investments, emotional investments also involve some risk. This includes investment in equities, property, and even fixed interest securities which are subject, among other things, to inflation and risk.

    Investing in your emotions as well as in the emotions of the one you love is not a short time strategy. It is about making a success about the relationship in the long run and you must have the goal of wanting it to work out. It is only when you are sincere with the heart that you treasure that you would be ready to make core love investments.

    To have your emotions given, or “invested,” towards someone or something sounds like a great idea but it requires a lot of hard work, dedication as well as perseverance. It requires the focusing of your emotions on to something or someone that you care a lot about.

    No matter how hard we try, we are still likely to run into emotional and economic depression. They are phases that we pass through in our finances and our emotions. The phase should not be a hindrance, setback or stumbling block. The most important thing is to understand the tools to make use of as you pass through the phase. On the other hand, the assets and investments that you have stored up over time would definitely help you to pass through the raining day without tears.

    Experts would readily tell you that it is only the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few potholes as the journey through and from the emotional in the road. Some even run into emotional gutters, somersault on the emotional flyovers many times and still survive because they have saved lots of emotions which they use to replenish each time they are in emotional distress.

    So, if you recognise ahead of time, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them when they finally show up.

    In spite of the fact that every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage them and keep their love life going strong. Some actually use the problems as stepping stones, launching themselves to emotional heights they never imagined existed when they started out together.

    They gain success in marriage by hanging in there, tackling problems, and learning how to manoeuvre through the complex issues of everyday life. Others also get assistance by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counselling, as well as observing what other successful couples do to enrich their emotional bank.

    It is also good to set up some rules that would guide your relationship with one another. Even partners who love each other can be incompatible sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education compounds these problems.

  • Too decent to be romantic (9)

    Too decent to be romantic (9)

    Doctors, I thank you all, but I Still don’t know what to say or what to do. But it is a pity that this is happening to a man like me, a man who places his immediate family above other things

    THE popular choice with the fashionistas and celebs these days is trendy high-waisted wide-legged pants style with a smart top.

    They are very much in trend this season and its resurgence has been widespread. Even better news: they are pretty much flattering on everyone.

    They are comfortable and fun to wear. Whether  rock with heels or flats, you just can’t go wrong with it.

    Styling tricks

    *A pair of wide-leg pants with a high waist in and dark colour is flattering on almost anyone. If you lack height, it is better you choose a more discreet flare in the legs rather than big, billowy legs. The flare at the bottom of the wide-leg pants can help to balance out your shape.

    *The wide-leg pants can be elegant on ladies, if they are worn on the body hug top with a dramatic flare in the leg; it keeps the top glossy and simple. Try not making it look too busy by putting on a billowy top on it, especially if you are on the short side.

    *When putting on wide-leg pants, try wearing heels as they tend to visually cut leg heights. Choose slightly chunky shoes with a two to three inch heels rather than flats, if you want to step out in style. The shoes with pointed and long toes are flattering when worn with wide leg pants. If you are 5’4″ in height, I recommend you wear wide-leg pants that are without cuffs.

    *When wearing wide-leg pants, try using a belt on the waist; it brings out a good shape.

    Ladies, I believe the best way to determine what style of wide-leg pants you will look best in is to visit boutiques and try on various flares and I am sure you will find the one that the width is most flattering on you. IT was too hot to be believed. Yes, form both angles. From my husband who trusted me with all his zeal; and from me who knows the meaning of motherhood to a fault. The bombshell came with a pin drop silence, as if an angel was passing by and used his might to silence all.

    Everybody wore a gloomy look.  Only God knows why this was coming up at these hours of our lives. We had been in the hospital for more than a month, spent money to the extent of selling personal belongings, sleepless nights , amidst other things; and here we are now. God where is your face? God where do you reside? Are you still up there? I keep telling myself inside. I was too shocked to utter a word aside the ‘ah’ which I said in amazement when the bombshell was dropped.

    My husband was the first to speak and you did not need   to call a spiritualist to know that he was not only confused but he was highly embarrassed!

    “Doctors, I thank you for the support and care you have extended to me and my family members. But are you really sure you are saying the truth? I don’t want what will scatter my family. I don’t want my house on fire. I love my wife dearly and she has been very supportive since we got married. And I know I am man enough to bear children, why this hullabaloo? Is there anybody behind this? Please, if it is a joke, do kindly stop it because I won’t stay here and allow anybody, I repeat, anyone to put what God has joined together in disarray,” he said while dipping his hand into his pocket to bring out his handkerchief.

    He was sweating profusely and continued to mop the face.

    Dr. Iruobe moved closer to the centre of the room, cleared his throat and brought a pink- colour paper from his chest pocket. Unfolding it, he said: “I was also shocked when I heard  about the result and this was why I told the laboratory chief to come along today to see you too. I have known all of you as kids; you all grew into my care as the family doctor in this community. Even when your parents moved to a new area, they still  retained my service. Why should we lie to you”? Turning to the lady doctor, “Dr. Ebele , why don’t you say one or two things at this stage?”.

    “When we got the result, I really wanted to be sure of the findings, hence the need to use my own personal money to send the samples taken to two other specialists in Greece and Austria. They came with the same result. Dr. Iruobe was afraid of what the results finding might bring out, but we have no option than to tell you all the truth. And to save time and situation we found ourselves, the samples taken revealed that only one out of the five children is yours. We need to say this so that the air can be cleared once and once for all. The wound can heal at the same time all together.

    “Our concern is how this child will get well and I will advise you just don’t sit down there suspecting anyone. We need to find out what type pf blood will save the child,” Dr. Iruobe said.

    I felt like the ground swallowing me or to just see a big crocodile that can devour me at will. I was tired of life and also overwhelmed with the embarrassment. My clothes were soaked in my own sweat despite the cool weather.

    My husband looked up, looked down and finally said to me: “ Can you hear what the experts say? Did you also remember what my nephew said a week ago which is similar to this finding. Abeke, A-b-e-k-e, is it true? Is it true that you have been unfaithful to me all this while?

    “Talk to me and stop doing as if I am speaking Latin or French languages all put together. Clear yourself of this and let me tell the devil that he is a loser. Doctors, I thank you all, but I still don’t know what to say or what to do. But it is a pity that this is happening to a man like me, a man who places his immediate family above other things, a man that has sacrificed all he has to make life worthwhile for his wife and children. This is more than sad.………” He couldn’t continue as his voice and emotions failed him.

    Ukpabio ran outside the room. I heard Dr. Ebele urging Dr. Iruobe to go after him in order not to go and hurt himself.

    “Doctor, please, follow your brother fast. We don’t need to carry anybody in ambulance again. The situation on ground needs a relaxed mind to settle. Please, hurry up while I stay with Madam and the ailing child,” Dr. Ebele urged her colleague.

    I sat down there heavily downcast. It was as if my body was as heavy as the size of five bags of cement piled together. I bent down my head in shame. I can see the legs of Dr. Ebele where she sat down. Twice she came to where Taiwo was to   monitor her. I was weak, real weak in body and soul.

    Ebele came to tap my body after almost one hour that I had been bending the head down . He told me what she thought was the next thing to do.

    “Madam, now that the die has been cast, what do you think we should do? Do you want this child to die? Or you want her live? Remember that she did not ask you to bring her to this world, but you chose to bring her. Wake up to the realities on ground and let us find a solution to her pains.

    “Now, tell me the truth. Who is the real father of this child? I am not particularly concerned about the rest , but this ailing one for crying out loud. Let’s invite the person over and save the child.

    “ I will conceal his identity and save you from any disgrace except if you tell your husband yourself,” Dr. Ebele said to me looking straight into my eyes. She did not remove her gaze throughout the discussion.

    “Now, talk to me before any other person comes in.”

    “It is Smart,” I told her in tears. The water was pouring out of my misty eyes, mucous followed suit, the watery mucous was sweet and I was too weak to clean it or spit it out of my mouth.

    “Who is Smart? And are you really sure  this man, Smart, is the father of this child?” She asked me with pity written over all her beautiful face. I can see that those permanent smiles I know her with have disappeared a bit. Only little was left there. My matter has negatively affected her too.

    “I am sure it is Smart. He is my husband’s friend. He was my childhood love……..”

    “Don’t go too far,” Ebele cut me short. “ You shall tell me later. Let me have his number fast. We need to save this child. Saving this child will always be my motto until all is ok”.

    I gave her Smart’s number. Luckily, he was in town. I cannot really explain what she told him, but one hour later, Smart was in the hospital. His blood samples were taken and good enough to help Taiwo be on her feet again. He came over to our ward briefly, looked at me, looked at the child; he said nothing, but went out again with Ebele.

    The hours seemed so long and the saliva in my mouth seemed so sour. Sour and bitter than the bile. My appetite was dead as that of a ghost and my reasoning faculty was as lean as  of that of a first- class dullard.

    My husband was still not in sight, but I could see that Dr. Iruobe was back to the hospital. It was later that Ebele, told me she called him in order to be part of the whole recovery. So far, Iruobe was not a stranger to us, it was an easier affair.

    Time was 4:54pm; Taiwo was wheeled to the theatre. I was told to remain in my room. I had no option than to obey. I was praying fervently as   told to do by one of the senior nurses. No matter what mess I might have found myself, my child remains my child. I will not throw her away. I will not sell her for a million dollars.

    The medical teams were going up and down. I was always asking questions, but they did not even look at my face not to talk of answering me. They were occupied with what they were after; and that was ”saving a soul”.

    Four hours later, Ebele came closer to me and hugged me tightly, while telling me that the child was ok, but would still need to be monitored.

    “Congratulations! The child is now alright. What we need is a little monitoring to stabilize her health. Per your family matter, God will intervene. This is where my priority is and we are glad that Taiwo is ok. You can go in to see her in the next 30  minutes. Don’t touch her, but just peep in to make sure what we told you are real”.

    I burst out weeping uncontrollably. I was  happy for the child and felt bad for what I have put my husband through.

  • P Wolex goes romantic on Iyawo

    P Wolex goes romantic on Iyawo

    Budding musician, Hezekiah Adewole Oladele, better known as P Wolex, has dropped the audio and video of a romantic track titled Iyawo, produced by Pjay Beats, and mixed and mastered by Indomix.

    Described as a classic and unique dance hall tune for weddings, clubs, and the streets, Iyawo is coming after the release of his previous single African Baby.

    Iyawo, according to the artiste, is song mainly for couples in love, especially during their wedding, engagement, anniversary or any other occasion that has to do with love. “It could also serve for any event, parties, and the streets. It’s a song that soothes the soul,” he said.

    This rising singer started his musical Journey professionally at the age of thirteen and has been waxing stronger over the years-thrilling fans across the country with his unique voice, well written lyrics and melodious Afro-Pop songs with rich infusion of Highlife.

    “I have been singing for a very long time. Although I decided to make a career few years back and it has been success all the way. I write my songs too because my talent goes beyond just singing, I feel connected when I pick a pen and paper to write down lyrics.

    The youngster has shared stages with A-listers like 2face Idibia, Kcee, Vector, Wizkid amongst other in various concerts and has also worked with professional video director, music producers and sound engineers like Mattmax, Young -D, Master craft, Popito, Indomix, P-jay to mention but a few.

    Currently, P Wolex is signed to his self-owned record label, Ose My Dear Records and he is based in Lagos state Nigeria.

  • Romantic reminiscences

    Yetunde Fashina-Arebi has in this work which centres entirely on human health and anatomy presented a compendium that is of immense value to humanity. Youth, Sex and Wellbeing is a book meant to help educate the society on the need to know and understand the whole essence of human relationships – relationships that border on how to create friends, how to enter into sexual life style, the implications and so on.

    With her over 20 years experience as a journalist whose human angle column has set a standard on the first person narrative style, the information in the book are not only real and practicable, they go a long way in opening people’s eyes to the issue of man-woman relationships and the attendant consequences. The stories are not just emotional and down-to-earth, they touch on the fabric of a society and its people who have come to see sex as a normal way of life.

    Yet, Arebi says that sex is more than that. In his view, sex is beyond mere man-woman relationship. Sex is life; it is knowledge, it directs people to being real human beings and so it has to be treated with absolute caution, respect, dignity and decorum. It is ordained by God primarily for pro-creation. And beyond that knowledge which propels man to indulge in or abuse sex to that level of debasement, there are lots and lots of headaches that follow it when it is wrongly applied.

    That is why sex education, in the reckoning of Arebi, is necessary in order for people to begin on time to know what sex implies. This will help people to acquire information about sex and know, therefore, when and how to form the appropriate attitudes, beliefs, intimacies and the like, necessary to lead healthy sexual life.

    Unfortunately, no one seems to teach teenagers when the time comes what to do or what not to do. This has led to too many sexual diseases that have today permeated the society. The author advocates for abstinence, if necessary, or for people to have self-control. But the acquisition of knowledge based on comprehensive information will invariably help to sort people out so that people will begin to have the appropriate value for sex.

    Arebi’s book is deeper in terms of knowledge-base because she took her time to research her sources. With people telling their stories, how they began their first outing, their traumatic experiences and so on, the author has succeeded in giving the world an outstanding book on sex education from people’s confessions. It is easy to see a people totally steeped in sexual orgy and drama.

    People begin quite early in life to practice sexual experimentation, most of which eventually land them in trouble. This is what Arebi tries to do; to encourage parents and adults to stand up to defend; to let the world know that sex is being abused in the country and more diseases are being spread to the detriment of people’s wellbeing, people’s future and more.

    Sex is sacred to human existence, yet it is a natural urge which cannot be wished away. Then what must man do to use it properly for the good of the society. This is why the book is an encyclopedia on those issues. There is the need for man to learn to acquire habits for a healthy relationship. The author harps on this when she says on page 91 that “God’s stand against sex out of the marital bed may be further buttressed by the many Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDS), abortion, and unplanned and unwanted pregnancies plaguing our society…Ironically, science, having concluded and agreed with the Creator that only marital sex as recommended by God,’ that is, sex between a man and a woman who are faithful to one another is the only ideal form of sexual relationship’ if one wants to remain free of STDs….”

    With the rate at which sexually-transmitted diseases spread these days, no one is safe. It is so alarming that the book opens people’s senses to some of the serious issues associated with it. The author is indeed meticulous in this regard, harping on the rapid spread and what needs to be done to curtail it.

    Divided into sections, the book is easy to read and comprehend. It has a style that is unique where you read and follow with examples. To her, the examples will help readers to avoid other people’s mistakes; mistakes that have ruined many souls and rendered people’s sexual lives irreparable. And now that we know there are millions of ways to show people that we love them without sex, let us try to copy and practice those ways. You can only grasp these ideals by going through the book and also making the lesson you learn from it part of your life.

    Even though more has to be done to make sex education a part of school programmes in the society, Arebi has done her part. The rest should be the clarion call of both parents and government at all levels. Every practical step needs to be taken now to ensure the safety of the people; abortion has to be discouraged and the youths guided in the right path to be of good good behaviour sexually.

    With the cover showing a man and a woman in a romantic posture, Arebi has equally set the tone for a romantic and academic excursion into her world.

  • Why I am a romantic artist – Oshinowo

    Why I am a romantic artist – Oshinowo

    Kolade Oshionowo is one of the most classical visual artists in Nigeria. Recently artists of all genres gathered at the Grillo Pavilion, Ikorodu, Lagos, for the 5th Annual Visual Art Fiesta. The fiesta was in his honour. In this online interview with Professor Jerry Buhari of the Ahmadu Bello University, Zaria, Kaduna State, he gives insight into his many exploits, style, form and vision as an artist

     

     

    What do you consider to be the role of art and the artist in the society today?

    Artists are visionaries; they are the light that helps to mirror the society. Because of their rare gift, special skills and training, they see far beyond the ordinary. The artist is not only able to document, but he is also able to highlight issues of social, economic, political, cultural and the spiritual lives of his society, thereby enhancing and adding great values to the lives of the people.

    How fundamentally different has the role changed with time, if it has?

    I believe the role remains basically the same.

    The female subject appears prominently and often predominates in your works whether it was in painting or drawing. What does that represent?

    The use of female subject is a universal one and it has been so through the ages. The female is endowed with a form that is as complex as it is beautiful. The woman also adds to her beauty by wearing various forms of head gear and adding accessories such as ear rings, necklaces and bangles of various sizes and materials. The female body represents the beauty and challenges of motherhood. These I try to capture in my paintings.

    Is the female form a motif or a message in itself?

    The female form for me is a message. Nude female form will hardly be found in my paintings and drawings except those done as studio class assignment or during my years of teaching.

    What is your opinion about family? What role does the woman play or should play?

    I hold the family in high esteem. It is an interesting theme that I have explored and will continue to explore. Though I celebrate the family, I often times focus more attention on the plight of families in the distress as a result of economic down turn, civil strife, inter-communal clashes, political disturbances, all kinds of wars and natural disasters. All these resulting most times in refugee situation.

    The woman is the key figure and particularly important in the family set up. She is the mother of the family. And in addition to all her huge matrimonial duties and responsibilities, she supports her husband in providing for the family.

    Your compositions appear constantly centralised, clustered and in subdued palette. What are you trying to tell your viewers?

    I wish you precede this particular question with ‘some’ rather than the generalised nature it conveys. Surely, I try to engage the viewer, making the eyes rest as much as possible on the painting.

    I believe strongly as a painter in the strength of colours as a means of expression and I can oscillate from one end of the colour spectrum to the other. My use of colour depends on my mood and what I like to achieve in a particular painting. What I may not do is allow colour to overwhelm the structure of my painting. There must be a balance.

    Let’s return to your choice of the palette again. Your colours appeared subdued rendering some of your images almost silhouettes. You appear to prefer cool or warm quiet colours rather than vibrant contrasting colours. Is there any specific meaning or reason?

    That is my preference and style. I prefer dramatic use of colours rather than intensity. The most important thing for me in any work, either abstraction or realism, is quality.

    What is the source of your models, especially the female models?

    My models are usually people around me; family members, maids, willing relatives and family friends. Most of the figures are actual or a modification of the faces. Some are simply imaginary especially where the focus is on the costume or a subject matter other than portraiture.

    I have not noticed the ‘gaze’. All I can say is that sometimes I try to attempt to let the eye of my models follow the viewer.

    Whether lateral view or otherwise is a question of choice and preference at the point of composition.

    What is and should be the role of photographs as reference for painters? Does it enhance or act as a barrier to creative expression?

    The photograph as reference can serve as a spring-board in a creative process as means to an end. Of course I am not talking about commissioned works where only photographs of the subject are available.

    My strong belief is that habitual wholesale copying from photographs hampers the growth of the art student or even the professional artist. I try to discourage my students as much as possible from the practice. The artist should be able to generate ideas. Where is the creativity if all you are doing is copying from photographs? In some of our institutions of higher learning outdoor painting and drawing assignments have been converted to indoors by the use of digital phone cameras, thereby short changing the learning process. Even life drawing classes are not spared!. The picture of the model is simply taken for further ‘downloading’ later. Even absentee students can benefit from the ‘downloading’. Such students don’t grow. They later on in their career resort to relying on existing images or copying other people’s works.

    I believe the role of the teacher is very critical in this matter. The teacher should be more interested in the process of creativity rather than the submission of the finished work.

    Tell us how you approach a typical favourite subject in your painting, from sketch to when you sign the work?

    Once I have settled the matter of format and structure, my painting normally starts with my staining the canvas with selected colours. I do not like painting directly on the white surface. Once it’s dry I commence the sketch with a piece of charcoal leaving details as much as possible. Once I am convinced about the composition, I start application of colours. If it is mixed media painting with texture/college, glue is used as adhesive for fine sand, wood dust, tissue paper, fabrics, ropes, strands of native sponge etc. I often start the painting with acrylic to establish forms, composition and colours. When I am satisfied, I do further drawing into the painting and finish the painting with acrylic or with oil paint. For as long as I can remember I have had a habit of letting some areas of the charcoal drawing show through the painting. The painting is then subjected to days of interrogation, reviews and critique. Amendment and adjustments are made where necessary for a period of time before the painting is finally signed.

    In the era of information and communication technology, what do you think are the challenges of the artist and the incredible possibilities ICT offers?

    I am indeed glad to be alive in this era of ICT. At the click of the mouse you can view exhibitions going on around the world. Or view works hanging permanently in major museums and galleries around the globe at no cost. The artist is in constant touch with major art development and events in the international art circuit. Some times when I see what other artists are doing elsewhere I am simply humbled and challenged but inspired to do even better in my work. I believe the ICT should be an integral part of every artist’s studio. It is a useful tool. I also believe every artist should understand the basic application of Adobe Photoshop, Photo Paint, Photo Suite, Corel draw, 3D Imaging etc.

    I had to learn and I am still learning aspects of these applications. Initially it was a pain in the neck, but now I am to a large extent IT-complaint!