The Nation Newspaper

Tag: self-esteem

  • Actress boosts her self-esteem in public statement

    Actress boosts her self-esteem in public statement

    After struggling with some personal issues, Nollywood actress Gloria Mba, has said she is never giving up on herself again irrespective of what life throws at her.

    The single mother of one, who recently returned to the screen after a while, shared her struggle in a statement which she posted on her Facebook page.

    She wrote: “Dear self, I have watched you suffer for many years. You have worked hard. You have carried an enormous weight of responsibility…for relationships, finances, family, home and career. You have strived to do the best you could, always looking for ways to improve and please.

    You have said “yes” when you should have said “no”. You have taken care of others when you should have taken care of yourself. You have wanted to look good and be good and do good. But when the burden became too much, fatigue-emotional, and physical has brought you to your knees.

    She continued, “You have felt alone and hopeless, wondering what happened to the fairy tale life of your dreams. And then you have forced yourself to get up and do it over again. And at some point you have simply given up. You have endured much. I have felt the pain of your broken heart. I have known your terror from being abandoned, neglected, and abused-especially by yourself.

    The other part of the letter also talked about reasoning with self-esteem and promising not to let anything make her feel worthless again. “I am so sorry for your suffering. The immediate pleasure and comfort of food has insulated you from it, but the effects are fleeting. In the wake of overeating, the quilt, shame, regret, and weight insidiously disintegrate your self-esteem and your experience of life.

    “Dear self, please forgive me for what you have been or done and for what you have not done. Please believe how precious and wonderful you are. Others see it even if you don’t. You are a gift to the world, and your withholding the gift by hiding behind the insulation is selfish!

    The actress, while concluding the piece promised to see the reason to boost her self-esteem, making use of it diligently, and to love herself more.

  • …of love and self

    …of love and self

    Life has taught me to love everyone, especially myself.

    It’s funny right? No it’s not. Most people have talked about underestimating others and they never talked about themselves. What about you? How many times have you done that to yourself? I think am also talking about you and not me.

    But that’s true, how many times have I thought I couldn’t do something or reach a height?

    How many times have I, in my most factual and sincere mind with all compassion, what others call church mind, set limits that are far too less or low for myself? Countless.

    I respect others and appreciate them when they do something good. Not jealous or envious of their success or achievements but obviously I never did that to myself. If I did, I wouldn’t be writing this.

    That for me is bad, really bad. It erodes me of self-worth and personal dignity. I mean, what’s the point of lifting others when I myself am plugging down the trail. Am good, yeah even if no one tells me. At least if am not you wouldn’t read this article up to this point.

    But I have got to appreciate myself, even if just a pat on the back or an unusual meal once a while. I could just go to the movies, walk through the beach, buy a new cloth, do something unusual but not crazy just to say “thanks man, you are appreciated.”

    It’s not pride. It is self-esteem. Who am I to be humble when God has made me proud by creating such abilities in me, leading me to discover them and providing a means to express them?

    Sometimes selfies may be too much but they show self-worth. I show I am handsome (you put your own) if I take selfies and post them online. It doesn’t matter if someone likes it or not.

    What matters is that I see myself worthy of being online, my pictures are worthy of being seen by someone else. I may employ moderation but I will definitely do it, either you like it or not.

    So I will get on it, it may be once in a blue moon but I will do it. I have got to be celebrated, not just on my birthday and not necessarily by others, but by myself. It will sound boring right? I will try to make it as interesting as possible.

    That’s my new resolution.

    I love myself. Do you?

  • If I weren’t a girl

    If I weren’t a girl

    If I weren’t a girl, heavens knows what would become of me.

    If I weren’t a girl, I would have probably come as a boy, an animal or even as an insect…these would have been disappointing!

    If I weren’t a girl, just how do I become a virtuous woman?

    If I weren’t a girl, there won’t be chances of becoming a mother nor a home builder.

    Yes, I am a girl, bold and beautiful. Girls, never allow anybody bring down your self-esteem. Your playing small does not serve the world; there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that the next person wouldn’t feel insecure.

    If anyone does rise up again and build it. Though you’re prone to much negativity like domestic violence, trafficking and all sorts, it doesn’t change your being. Stand up for what’s right, fight for what’s good.

    What a man can do, a woman can do better. In other words, what a boy can do, a girl can do better. So don’t let nobody tell you that your education ends in the kitchen because it never started there and won’t end there.

    Women around the world are becoming Presidents, Ministers, Senators…yours shouldn’t be an exception. Heads up, chin up, and be ready to go up.

    She is very productive with whatever is in her care; give her a house and she gives you a home, give her semen, she gives you children, groceries and she turns it to food. You’re a nation builder; don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

  • Teenage girls learn survival skills

    Secondary school girls of Lagos State Education District I have been charged to develop healthy self-esteem.

    Mrs. Busola Kolade, founder of Ornament of Grace and Virtue (OGAV) gave the charge at her summer leadership workshop initiative held in Agege.

    The workshop had as theme: “Self-eeteem and teen abuse”.

    OGAV is a non-governmental Organisation (NGO) focused on developing the girl-child through character building, mentorship, and acquisition of knowledge, skills and ethics.

    She explained that teenagers are faced with self esteem issues as they journey through life.

    “As they journey through puberty, criticism, academic, athlete and peer pressures, dating challenges, hormonal changes and a host of body concerns mixed with their own search for self may cause many teens to struggle with self esteem issues,” she said.

    She further explained that self-esteem can be formed through one’s intellectual abilities, talents, good body image, social skills as well as interactions with people that matter to their lives.

    To build a high self-esteem Kolade advised the pupils to desist from attacking self negatively.

    “The first thing important step in improving self-esteem is to challenge the negative messages of the critical inner voice. Practice self- compassion. Seek help from teachers and others. If you lack self confidence in certain areas, take classes or try out new activities to increase to increase your sense of competence,” she said.

    She however warned that a low self esteem inflicts self destructive behaviours and affects their future.

    The Senior Social Welfare Officer, Social Welfare Department, Ministry of Youth and Social Development, Mrs Ayodele Fajemibola, who  educated the pupils on sexual abuse, urged them to identify the ulterior motives in their dealings with the opposite sex, as well as be able to communicate their limits firmly and directly.

    “When you suspect you are being followed, run as fast as you can to a place where people are and be able to scream to attract or summon help.

    “Practice safe drinking. Do not accept drinks from people you do not know and never leave your drink unattended to. At parties, if possible, don’t drink. Find convincing words to turn down drinks because perpetrators have devised means of using syringe to pass in sedative into packaged juice drinks,” she added.

    Assuring the pupils that there are laws that penalise perpetrators, she advised them to speak out when abused and report such cases.

    Mrs Rachael Enitilo of the Medical Social Services department of the Ministry counselled the girls to report cases of abuse.

    She said because “emotional abuse”, such as yelling, name calling or insults, threats, ignoring or excluding, humiliation, and denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim were not well-reported, perpetrators get encouraged to inflict more emotional harm.

    She added that the child rights law places responsibility on the state government to safe guard and promote the welfare of children by providing a range of services to families and children.

     

  • Two cultures and low self-esteem

    Two cultures and low self-esteem

    The two photographs reprinted in this column were published co-incidentally on the same day, yesterday, and they tell graphic stories of two disparate cultures that lead the reader to one unenviable and unflattering conclusion. Picture 1 (top right) shows some of the 60 suspects arrested on Monday by men of the Nigerian Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC) somewhere near Ikorodu, Lagos State, for alleged pipeline vandalism. That is not a problem, for Nigerians no longer flinch at indiscriminate arrests, a habit their law enforcement agents have perfected over the decades. The real problem for Nigerians who still retain some cultural pride is the treatment given the suspects. They were made to sit on the ground, their shirts removed, and their dignity, which is worth little in these parts, trampled on the ground. The photograph shows the suspects looking forlornly at the weapons they allegedly used against the NSCDC officials.

    Move over to Picture 2 (bottom right) and see the treatment given some 15 Russian suspects alleged to have sailed into Nigerian waters illegally. They were seized, together with their ship and a cache of weapons, and handed over to the police for further investigations. But here again the problem is not whether the allegations against the white men are plausible or not, though it strains credulity a little; or whether they would soon be released to Russian embassy officials in Nigeria, for this also seems very likely. The problem for the culturally finicky is that all the Russian suspects were photographed standing, not sitting degradingly on the ground. None of the Russians was stripped of his clothes, and their weapons, which they claimed was for their defence on pirate-infested high seas, were not spread mockingly before them.

    The judicious will find it hard to understand this self-deprecating Nigerian mentality. Indeed, it’s no use trying. Many analysts suspect there is a fundamental behavioural dysfunction afflicting Nigerian officials, whether in high places or in the law enforcement agencies. It is perhaps time we challenged our psychologists and sociologists to attempt an explanation of the malady. Or, maybe, a leader with enough chutzpah and self-esteem would one day rise and put an end to this disgraceful affliction.