Tag: Setting your Communication

It is another beautiful day, so I welcome you to your column on public speaking. Since this year began, we have been trying to give ourselves the right start for the task ahead. Considering that this column is on public speaking and not general motivational speaking, we have been focusing on how our communication can be better this New Year. Today, we will start with a summary of what we have discussed so far and then we will conclude with two additional points as I promised last week.

In the first article in this series, we noted that a lot of people see the New Year as being very important because it offers them a fresh start in areas of their lives in which they feel they need a change. Based on this, we said that it is necessary to set a fresh agenda for our communication in various areas of our lives so that we can become better people.

In the part two of the series, we emphasized that time was moving so fast that if we were waiting for something to happen instead of making it happen, we would find ourselves in December before knowing it. Time waits for no one. Once, we were celebrating the New Year, now, we are almost crossing into February. That is the same way the entire year will pass by, but it must not pass us by without us making specific marks of success. That is the reason we need to take responsibility.

Last week, we examined two areas in which we need to set communication agenda for ourselves. The first area we discussed was our personal lives. No matter how reserved we think we are, we still need people to survive. Everyone needs people. Hence, the amount of success we record in our relationships with other people is a function of the quality of our communication with them. If we make “contribution” the objective of communicating with people (that is, always seeking to add to people) and we respect them, they will value us. Don’t be the type of person that is so absolved by yourself that all you talk about when you are with people is yourself. People will get tired of you easily and start to avoid you.

Today, we will conclude by considering two more areas in which you need to set communication agenda this year. The first area is your academics and the second is your career.

•Academics: if you are a worker, you may feel that this is not applicable to you. But if you consider that we are all in a life-long learning process, you may have a second thought. For students, it is extremely important to develop an effective communication system this year. If you have worked really hard in the past and your results did not justify your efforts, then you need to change your strategy. I believe that it is not enough to study a subject, it is perhaps more important to study the teacher. Some teachers don’t like lengthy explanations in exams while some others would not be satisfied until you use several pages. Some teachers like their students to study beyond what is taught in class while some others would not give you the mark unless you give them exactly what they gave you in their notes.

This crystallizes the fact that no two people are the same. You must learn to communicate with each teacher on his/her own terms. It is not about what you feel like writing but what needs to be written. Again, some students are very intelligent in oral discussions but they are just not good enough on paper. If you fall in this category, task yourself to write five times more than you are required in class and have people read it for you. As they correct you, learn what it takes to communicate your ideas to other people. Some students are really good but their hand writings are not legible; of course, the teacher has to read first before he appreciates their brilliance. If you are one of those, don’t be ashamed to learn to write better. The most important thing is for you to succeed.

•Career: the workplace is a very dynamic place. It is very important that you learn to communicate with three important categories of people; your superiors, your colleagues and your juniors. Mutual respect is one of the best ways to communicate friendship. When it comes to your superiors, they read both your spoken and unspoken cues. They can tell when you don’t like the job, when you don’t like them, when you are being lazy etc. The best way to impress your superiors this year is to change your attitude to your work; love what you do (even if you have plans to move on soon).

Your colleagues are also very important because you work with them on the same team a lot. Don’t be the type of person who would like to succeed at the expense of others, or they will work against you. Communicate respect and appreciation and you will find it easy to work with them.

As for your juniors, if you underestimate them, it is at your own expense. We have heard several cases of junior staff hiding the files of their superiors thereby making it impossible for them to be promoted. I think the lesson here is that we should never look down on them. If you care for and respect them, they will go out of their way to help you if ever you need their help.

A wonderful day to you and your dear family. You are on your usual column on public speaking. Frankly speaking, I feel a little embarrassed still titling our current series as “New Year Special.” As I pointed out last week, the New Year greeting is almost completely out of fashion now. Nevertheless, I choose to see this entire month of January as the runway for our takeoff on our glorious flight throughout the year, by the grace of God. As such, we will use this as our preparatory period for the task ahead.

Previously in this series, we discussed what it means to set communication agenda for the year 2013. It means carefully planning where you want to be at the end of the year and then determining the kind of communication you need to engage in to get there. We also attempted to answer the question on the necessity for setting communication agenda for the year. We said that nothing happens by chance, so, you have to deliberately decide to communicate effectively this year. You cannot continue to do the same thing and expect a different result. If indeed you want this year to be far better than last year, you have to deliberately aim at effective and contribution-oriented communication.

This week, we shall be examining two of the important areas in which you need to set communication agenda. These areas are: your personal and your business.

•Personal Life: I dare to say that this is one of the most important areas in which you need to deliberately manage your communication. This area represents your comfort zone. It represents your life when you think no one is watching. It is your life when you let down your guard. It is your life when you think you are not being scrutinized or judged. The strange thing is that, it is also your life, which you don’t want the public to know about.

There are several people who become something else when they are with “outsiders!” They change so drastically that their families don’t recognize them anymore. Some people are nicer to none family members because they want to put their best foot forward. Usually, loved ones are the victims of this kind of communication or failed communication. This kind of communication is selfish, however. Yes, it is selfish because you believe there is nothing your family can give you that you don’t have already, so, you focus on outsiders who can be of “benefit” to you. Whereas, a lot of times, you have your family and loved ones to thank for whatever you become in life.

On the other extreme, we have people who entirely focus on their families. Any benefit that should go to other people are diverted “home.” Well, there are more people outside their families than inside, so, sooner or later, they will need help from others. So, what do I advocate? Be good to everybody. Be yourself inside and outside. Know that whatever you do or say communicates something to everyone around you. They either believe that you are a responsible and reliable person to deal with, or they feel that you are better avoided. Remember, if you don’t have people’s respect and trust, they will never listen to you as a public speaker. As a speaker, your first agenda must be to develop your character, and then you can focus on contributing to other people.

•Business: ok, I agree that I am not your regular business consultant. I may not even have the slightest idea of how to do your kind of business. But I know that they say “customer is king!” Yes, you may tell me how annoying your clients or customers tend to be. In fact, I agree that sometimes, it seems like they actually set out from home to upset you. Nevertheless, that is all part of the fun of having a business. Work will be so boring if you meet the same type of people every day.

What if you decide to make difficult customers or clients a major target in your business? You can determine that you will make every customer smile about one thing or the other while being attended to. This, of course, does not make you a clown; it just means that you are going the extra mile to make your customers like you and what you have to offer.

I once had a barber who cut a class for himself. Not only was his shop very comfortable, I also got entertained by watching movies or listening to music while I waited my turn (meaning that he had heavy patronage). But that was not the best part. The guy would just not let me be; he would discuss all the topics that he believed would interest me while cutting the hair and I would never know it until he was done. He made the experience fun for me. Never minding that his fee was more than that of others around, I still followed him to the other end of town when he relocated. So, why did I stop patronizing him? Well, I moved out of town. But then, anytime I was in that town, I always went to his shop.

The big question is this, why did he make such a great impression on me that he became emblazoned in my mind as the ultimate barber? He cared for his customers and went the extra mile. He was a great barber, but who cares? It was the experience behind the barbing that I would pay for any time any day.

Communication on different levels is very important to your success in life. The better you are at communicating, the more you will enjoy your relationship with people around you. Next week, we will consider two other areas in which you need to set your agenda this year.

New Year is always a time most people anticipate. People, irrespective of tribe, gender, religion or location, look forward to the New Year. Whether voiced or not, there seems to be new hopes attached to the New Year because of the perceived fresh start. We try to erase our past mistakes and focus on new aspirations. Even though we cannot wipe our memories clean of past experiences, we at least try to use the landmark of the New Year as a wall to block us off from what we consider to be our failures of the past year. However, the importance of the New Year has been so overrated that some people find it difficult to make any considerable change in their lives anytime during the year.

Just a few days ago, we were all full of cheers and the only greeting around was “Happy New Year!” We greeted those we knew and those we didn’t really know. At least we all had something in common; we entered the New Year by the grace of God. It all seemed like a really big deal! (Actually it is) But then, in the last couple of days, have you heard anyone greet another “Happy New Year?” If you did, I’m sure you would have been wondering where the fellow was all these days.

Check the calendar please; we are racing towards the middle of January 2013! If you were one of those who had great plans for 2013, well, here we are! Sometime ago it seemed like a long time, but here we are. “Next year” has become “this year,” “tomorrow” has become “today!” Whatever you don’t do now, you may never get to do. People expect so much from the New Year as though it has a magic on its own to change their lives! If you are still waiting for something to happen, then 2014 may be your turn. But God forbid! Now is your time; but stop waiting and start doing.

Please understand this, you cannot continue to communicate the way you communicated last year and expect anything different to happen. How can you keep doing the same thing and expect a different result? If you really want to make it as a public speaker this year, or you simply want to communicate your feelings or ideas better, you must prepare to do something different.

Last week, we discussed about setting a communication agenda for yourself. It is very important that you do. No matter how good you are now, you can always be better. Do you know that in any field in which you are, you need people? Of course you do need people! If you are a doctor for instance, guess who your patients will be? Even if you are a veterinary doctor, the animals won’t just walk into your office, will they? Every business requires communication with people. The more you get along with them, the more they patronize you. Therefore, make it a major objective to communicate better this year.

I learnt that the field of marketing is currently branching from merely marketing products and services to marketing relationships. This is particularly instructive. The idea behind the migration is that when you sell a product, it may be a once-and-for-all transaction, but if you market relationship, there is likely to be a repeat purchase of the product. Look at it this way, there are sometimes when people wonder into someone’s shop without having the intention of buying anything. Or on the other hand, they may not have found the exact product they are looking for. If you are the shop owner, you can react to them in different ways and each one is communication based:

1. You can get irritated because they aren’t buying anything and they are wasting your time. If you do, they will notice that you are not friendly and they may never return.

2. You can pressurize them into buying something else that, according to you, is “the same” as what they are looking for. If you do and they are not satisfied, they will feel cheated. They will also conclude that you are the type of person who cares more about sales than the needs of you customers.

3. You can be really nice to them, show them around like they are the most important persons around and give them maximum attention. If they don’t find what they are looking for, you can suggest where they can get it or simply ask them to come back for it if it is convenient for them.

If you are a customer, which will you prefer? The third example will develop such a good relationship that the customers will feel sorry that they didn’t buy from the shop. You can be sure that they will return next time. My point is this; it is more about the communication than it is about the business. If you want to change the way people react to you this year, change the way you communicate with them. If you learn to respect people in your communication with them, you will be surprised how much respect you will get in return. I’m hoping that you will take up this challenge in your life and change something in the way you communicate with people. If you do, then you will have a different result from what you had last year.

Happy New Year to you and your wonderful family. I believe last year was a fulfilling year for you. May you change level positively and progress speedily this year. Year 2012 was a delightful year for us on this column. We were able to discuss a few topics on the need to communicate effectively. We focused on why we cannot but communicate and how we can use communication to our advantage and also to benefit others.

This New Year, I believe it is very important for us to have a solid start with specific objectives in mind. Communication is very important; you communicate whether you want to or not. Just as you make major plans at the beginning of the year, which some people refer to as New Year resolution, you should also have major plans for your communication and interaction with other people. By now, I’m sure you will agree with me that there is nothing casual about communication. This week, we shall be examining the all important topic of ‘setting agenda for your communication in 2013.’

Agenda Setting

What does it mean to set an agenda for communication? It means carefully planning where you want to be at the end of the year and then determining the kind of communication you need to engage in to get there. If you don’t plan your life, your activities will be subjected to chance and chance is never stable. Think about this, supposing you can say all the right things and act in the right way all the time, wouldn’t you be the best person in the world? I know we are not that perfect, but if we can pay attention to about 70% of the communication we are involved in, our lives will change dramatically.

Along with other personal communication agenda you may set for yourself this year, I strongly recommend that you include this- do all you can to add value to others through your communication. Communication is bi- or multi-directional as the case may be. It is also a transaction. In 1978, Michael Burgoon and Michael Ruffner identified some attributes of human communication. They said that communication is transactional because both the source and the receiver are constantly influencing each other through their interactions. Hence, a change in one element of the communication process naturally leads to a change in the other elements.

Let me use this simple illustration to explain what they meant. If you want to buy a loaf of bread for instance, you will take part in a transaction that will involve you (the buyer) and the seller. The transaction is based on mutual benefit; you need the bread and the seller needs the money. Supposing the seller tells you that the cost of the bread has increased (which is a change in one element of the transaction), you are left with the option of either paying more than you planned for or leaving without buying anything. If you don’t buy, you will not have the bread and the seller will not have the money. Hence, one change has changed everything.

The same is the case in communication. When you communicate with people, you are exchanging benefits. When you concentrate only on your benefit, the people you are communicating with will withdraw from you, yet you need them in your life. Don’t focus too much attention on yourself at the expense of others. Whenever you communicate with people, always leave them satisfied and glad that they ever met you. That is the way to build profitable relationships. Remember, before you can be a good public speaker, you must first be good at influencing the individual lives of the people around you. Decide today that everyone who comes in contact with you in 2013 will leave a better person and you will be surprised how influential you will become.

Why is Setting Agenda necessary?

Nothing happens by chance. A wise man said that whoever fails to plan, plans to fail. You have to deliberately decide to communicate effectively this year. Whatever you don’t prepare for, if it ever comes to you, it will be by mistake; and nothing that comes by mistake lasts. You cannot continue to do the same thing and expect a different result. If indeed you want this year to be far better than last year, you have to deliberately aim at effective and contribution-oriented communication. Communication is like a seed, what you sow is what you reap. Your life cannot be different from what you communicate. God bless you this New Year.