Tag: sexual health

Continued from last week

And any time crisis erupts, they recite the creed and strengthen it with the injunction, ‘to cherish and to hold until death do us part’’. The storm is weathered with three simple words-‘I am sorry’’ a passionate kiss or embrace and life continues in perfect harmony. For others, there is no love lust, men are simply machines that make babies and once they have fulfilled their matrimonial obligations, life begins with younger men. Such women simply abandon husbands even in Hospitals at critical moments of their lives.

Studies have provided avenues through which we can understand why some men and women, particularly those in the age bracket 35-50 years behave the way they do when it comes to matters of sex. Marital disharmony involves very many variables beyond the scope of this piece but age, cannot be ignored. There are now thousands of studies on aging, to try and explain at the molecular level, what proteins are involved and how we can achieve reversal-perhaps the recent scientific breakthrough in the biosynthesis of brain cells in the laboratory is one step in the journey to find solutions to age related diseases such as Alzheimer and senile dementia. Prevention in many situations are cheaper and safer than cure, and as many couples have found out, it is easier for the head of an elephant to pass through the thread hole of a sewing needle than for any woman to successfully reverse the trend when she has let a bad matrimonial situation to go from bad to worse and reach the point of no return. If you think you are too beautiful for one man or two much of a big guy to be tied down by one man. You need to realize that there are risks when any one allows himself or herself to be led by the natural endowment they have-everyone is beautiful as long as God created us all but until people come together, it is difficult to characterize or grade beauty as observed from the outside of a person, considering the fact that behind the personae there is a personality ,unknown, untested, unpredictable. Imagine for instance a young male Nigerian who met he described as a very beautiful lady in the UK and within a short time they were in Nigeria for Marriage. The lady was actually from his tribe, understood and spoke his language but claimed she was from Togo, and while in her husband’s house in UK received different categories of lovers who spoke French with her any time he was around , a situation that went on for years until they came back to Nigeria . Though she simply disappeared with more than half of his properties, when she felt they had come back finally, the young man is alive to start life afresh with the only daughter the relationship produced.

In many instances, where a man takes off to stay with another woman without any arguments, there may have been some ‘ smoke before the fire came up’’;- ignorance of what a woman should do to keep a husband happy outside food and child bearing, arrogance and disrespect ranging from supremacy problems to husband battering , elevating house helps to spousal equivalent, doing everything including preparing food and taking care of husband’s underclothing’s all have very potential of incremental

damage to the romance and sexual components of married life

Beginning gradually, a man begins to respond to what he sees, hears and a critical moment arrives when try as he can, he finds it impossible to lead events , so events lead him to the beginning of a cascade of problems .A father told his verbose son when the former announced he had decided to take another wife so he can enjoy the second part of his life on earth,-false, ‘To abort my decision in order to please you and your mother is to permanently put myself in displeasure for my life, because tradition forbids me to disclose my grievances with you, my son’’

Sexual deprivation at times comes later when children will have all gone out and people outside assume a couple are about to begin another honeymoon ,and then one party understands he has made a huge mistake ;This is the understanding of many guys now that everything and any non lethal weapon could be employed to ensure a man takes a marriage vow either in the church or court, and other means employed until a child, preferably a boy comes in, after that, sex becomes weaponised for the many situations where it is required to get dresses, cash, cars houses etc. it is now an essential commodity –Younger men are abandoning their children to begin afresh while older ones that have put in everything are simply dying from stress and other diabetogenic and hypertensionogenic conditions created probably inadvertently in association with sexual dysfunction Many believe that societies and cultures show empathy and tolerance to polygamy, polyandry and even worse and unprintable forms of marital arrangements that completely enslave women, but as was demonstrated in a very large African country recently, continuous sexual subordination only serves to bring out the worst in women . Where there is wrong assessment of self worth as opposed to respect value measured for husband are some of the issues discussed, and many so called good friends to lead you out on one foot and have it sawn off , where there are numerous relations, business associates co workers and fellowship groups , it is not difficult to find an outlet to ventilate feelings and find comfort, Again the problem is that, discordance develops sooner or later and the desires linger driving victims to extremes of action that endanger health.

Health education on human sexuality is unacceptable in many African communities;-when this writer in company of a Colleague of blessed memory did a study on Child abuse in a population of slum dwellers involving a state in the south-south geopolitical region of Nigeria, the reception in more than 50% of the households surveyed was lethally hostile, and so many couples suffer sexual deprivations in painful silence. Others transfer their sexual frustrations to symptom complexes and take hospital admissions each time husband is around. The unsuspecting man continues to settle medical bills until someone discovers something. A reasonable number of others seek gratification outside with dangerous consequences.

Rather than apportion blame, think of running away or doing nothing, reasonable people look inwards for solution, do the best they can with a high sense of commitment towards success and then ask God to guide and control everything so that success attends their honest efforts.

The current trend where intending couples are expected to ensure they run all possible laboratory tests including blood group, hemoglobin genotype, screening for hepatitis, syphilis HIV/AIDS, is good, but certainly not enough, because, there are conditions that cannot be captured through lab investigations. There is need to know who you are going to live your life with you must be able to see, hear and possibly feel to ascertain that what you are accepting is normal , so you need to know something about your husband/wife early in your marriage-otherwise, when deviations emerge, you are not likely to know what the normal was, and whether or not to hold yourself wholly or partially responsible for what has happened.-many able bodied optimally functioning young men go into marriage strong and healthy, only to become ravaged with morbid obesity, kidney disease, hypertension and diabetes mellitus from over indulgence—they become a nervous wrecks and impotent, as more pressure to perform is pilled on them, the situation gets worse and they commit suicide so as to let all intra psychic sufferings go. How much of his/her past life do you really know, in terms of drugs, felling of self worth, considerations for others? Relationships, attitude towards family, nuclear, extended families

Every man or woman must try and know himself or herself and honestly disclose all relevant details to the person they intend to marry before coming together under one roof. Intending couples should discuss issues with regards to general health status, things that turn you off, the ones that turn him on etc. what parts of your body are different from normal, for instance the normal vaginal odourant molecules are aphrodisiac (cause sexual arousal) ,not offensive, but chronic vaginal infections–trichomonas vaginalis and cancer of the cervix will create very offensive and sometimes foamy or blood stained vaginal discharge which becomes more copious during coitus. Conditions like these are sometimes concealed until court marriage register has been signed. Some women also use uterine fibroids as pseudo pregnancy to hoodwink men into marriage and even when the truth is discovered, a man may decide to play intrigue versus intrigue, maintaining a fertile mistress and producing children outside the marriage.

Emphasis is on trying as hard as possible to keep the man or woman in your life as close to you as possible ,and stop making comparisons between your husband and any other one ,openly or in your fantasy ,or in advertisement because in western societies, the situation is completely different- you can get almost anything you want- there are drugs that can turn you into a sex machine within weeks, drugs that can enlarge any part of your body and surgical operations that can create a new person out of you, they are however not as safe as the claims of those who are marketing them. The side effects have one common pathway. sudden death ,for some, the side effects come later when you are older in the forms of cancer, heart, liver and diseases of prostate.