The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Shadows

  • Just chasing shadows

    IT was Soji’s birthday and looked forward to spending the day with Kate, the lady he had dated for about eight months. He just wanted a dinner date with his best friend, Ade, and his spouse. “The first disaster was that Kate had forgotten it was my birthday and that made me feel bad when I called her to tell her my plan for the day. She gave the excuse of pressure at work and the stress of traffic.”

    Apologies! That emotional error was settled and he told Kate the venue for the dinner. Ade and his spouse, Derin, arrived early and they had to wait for Kate who arrived almost an hour late. By the time she came in, Ade went to the ‘gents’ briefly. Welcome dearest, Soji welcomed Kate happily, but she just was in a different mood. Kate pounced on Derin and gave her two slaps. “You bitch, you came around to humiliate me, I will teach you a lesson of a lifetime.” In that mild drama, Ade was back. He rescued his babe and by the time Kate realised who she was, she became remorseful. Two serious emotional offences in just one day. Luckily for her, Soji was a ‘sweet heart’.

    He forgave her once more and pleaded with Ade and Derin to forgive her. “Everyone was really good to me. I learnt a lot of lesson this way. You have to understand and appreciate the people you claim to love and cherish. Trust is also a very vital element in a relationship, once you learn to trust your partner, then you can be sure to get the same level of trust from them. Love, like trust, is reciprocal and you can only get to this level, if you appreciate them, care for them and make their interest paramount in what you do.”

    From that point, our dear friend became a changed person and abandoned her old selfish ways. The truth of the matter here is that she almost lost this precious dude with her rash attitude. Thank God she woke up from slumber and revived the relationship.

    “I must say that I was very lucky to have a man like Soji; he is the best thing that can happen in the life of any woman. Even though I took him for granted a number of times, he still gave me the opportunity for a second chance. That also made me appreciate him better and I promised myself never to disappoint him again.”

    If you are also in her shoes, then it is better to go back down memory lane and think back to the first year of the relationship. Here you can try to recapture the good moments and bring it back once more.

    Unfortunately, a lot of people tend to forget the precious things we once adored and admired in our partners as well as get lazy in our relationships. The dull moments naturally help to pull us apart and bring out our bad sides. This changes the romantic atmosphere and what you get in return is an emotional battlefield. What you therefore find is a scenario where lovebirds who had vowed to keep and cherish one another losing their patience, gentleness, thoughtfulness, understanding and the general effort they once made toward their partner.

    Over time, we assume that our partner knows us so well that we don’t need to ask for what we want. What happens when we make this assumption? Expectations are set and just as quickly, they get deflated. Those unmet expectations can leave us questioning the viability of our partnership and connection. Keep in mind that “asking for what you want” extends to everything from emotional to sexual wants.

    One way to be on top of the game is to become an expert on your partner. Here you know what he wants, how he wants it and where he is likely to be at a particular point in time. This would make you win his heart because the person knows that he is always on your mind. You have shown positive interest and it is obvious that you care about his or her need to understand their feeling and emotional vibes on a continuous basis.

    To get to this point, therefore, it is important to think about who your mate really is and what excites him or her (both physically and emotionally). The crux of the matter is that we can become consumed by what we think our partner wants, as opposed to tuning in to what truly resonates with the other person.

    In addition, you can also organise some creative ways of showing interest in what is going on around your partner.

    It can be short or long but it begins with asking each other what worked and didn’t work about the previous week and what can be done to improve things this coming week. Additionally, you can use this opportunity to get on the same page with your schedules, plan a night date and talk about what you would like to see happen in the coming days, weeks, and months in your relationship.

  • Never walk in anyone’s shadows

    THE sore on her left arm was healing already but it was itching. A little scratch here and there appears to be soothing. Just while she was feeling relieved, it got painful and was bleeding profusely. For a lot of people, if the wound itches the tendency is to scratch. Unfortunately, scratching is bad for the healing process. The pain from that old wound reminds her of the emotional wound that she was nursing at the moment.

    For a long time, Nkiru’s desire was to have a good relationship and have the best from the emotional world. That proved abortive and right from school it was tough getting a heart that would melt naturally into hers. Disappointed with the emotional trial and errors that came her way, she finally left school and went for her national service in Enugu.

    Service year was sweet, filled with passionate memories and it was at the peak of it all that she met Chidi. Everything fell into place and it looked like nothing was ever going to change her love for him. “We went everywhere together, laughed around and played like little children. We just could not hide anything from each other and it looked like this was romance made in heaven. As the days went by, I also discovered that we shared so many things in common and never quarrelled for a day.”

    Then they got to the point where it was important to seal the emotional deal and get things done formally. Nkiru had also chosen a bridal gown design and a number of other plans were in the pipeline. That naturally should have been the best moment in her life but somehow the unexpected happened. Chidi gave her a call and told her that they could not continue with plans for the marriage. Reason: “My father has insisted that I must not marry a Yoruba girl. My mother tried her best to convince him but he remains adamant. Unfortunately, I respect my father so much and I cannot go against his wish. I actually need his blessings for the marriage to be a success.”

    The news hit her like a hammer. It left her dazed for days and even weeks. During this period, she kept hoping that things would change and her dear Chidi would come back to her and say it was all a dream. He didn’t. In the midst of that emotional confusion, she fell ill and went to the hospital. Here the doctor revealed that Nkiru was expecting a baby for Chidi. She called him to tell him about the news and the response was even more devastating than the first experience.

    “You must be dreaming. Your plan is to tie me down against my wish. I am sorry, it won’t work. It is over and you can do whatever you like with the baby.” Nkiru decided to keep the baby while Chidi vanished into thin air. It was tough, but, luckily, her mother and friend, Dorcas, stood by her. After that experience, she became very hard on all the guys that came her way. She went back to school and had two masters and went on to pursue her PhD. On the job, she was flying really high and she had many suitors on her trail. As far as she was concerned, they were all inconsequential. Her son, Donald, was doing very well in school and he was the apple of her eyes. She loved him so much while the boy adored his mum.

    Life for Nkiru was complete but somehow friends and family would not let her be. The song on their lips was, “Nkiru, you need a man in your life.” She finally found Tade, an accountant, who attended the same church with her. To her utmost surprise, he had never been married too. He had a good family pedigree and was very simple. His two sisters were also very wonderful and in a short while the wedding bell rang.

    The two of them had been emotional victims with wounds inflicted by hearts they once loved. It was therefore a turning point and the emotional wounds of the past began to heal. About two years after the marriage, Nkiru had a daughter for Tade but somehow she began to notice something strange about her man. He had mood swings and there were times that he got so agitated and violent. He managed to cope but the major casualty was her son, Donald. Her husband and her son just did not get along and it made her really sad.

    One morning they argued over something and Tade smashed the windscreen of the car the boy was going to take out. Nkiru quickly got out of bed to intervene and he smashed her head with a big stick. It was after this experience that one of Tade’s sisters opened up telling her that he suffered from depression when his former girlfriend deserted him. At this point, he was sad and remorseful. This was really dangerous but she just cannot abandon her Tade now. He needs her more than ever, after all the agreement was till death do them part. Donald would go and stay with her mum so that Tade can have more attention.

  • Uniform drama: Senate chasing shadows

    SIR: The concentration of the Senate, for weeks, on the attire of the Comptroller-General of the Nigeria Customs Service (NCS), Colonel Hameed Ali (retd), indeed leaves much to be desired. Nigerians expect to see profound bills passed by the National Assembly to aid the service-delivery of the present administration of President Muhammadu Buhari.

    Even when crude oil prices, Nigeria’s main source of revenue, crashed beyond the benchmark, the lawmakers were hectically padding the budget to the detriment of the common man they supposedly represent. The question begging for answers: Of what value is it to the nation in these trying times whether a retired Colonel politically appointed to head the Nigeria Customs Service for set objectives wears a uniform or not?  Who will pay for the sitting allowances for these wasted hours on Customs CG not appearing in Custom’s uniform?  How many people-oriented bills have been passed by the 8th Senate?  There are so many other questions.

    It is believed in many quarters that the uniform drama is a script sponsored by some aggrieved senior officials in the Nigeria Customs Service who felt shortchanged by the appointment of an outsider to head the agency.  The alleged imported-cars saga linked with some principal officers of the Senate cannot be overruled on account of enormous energies devoted to the aimless supremacy fight. Without a doubt, corruption, which has been reigning in the Nigeria Customs Service for many years, makes it expedient that some drastic actions to be taken. It is no politics to state that the declaration of a state of emergency is long overdue in the agency.

    Admittedly, by the ambiguous oversight functions vested in the National Assembly by the Nigerian Constitution, it could drift into such a fight as cheap as trying to get the Customs boss to wear the agency’s uniform under the cloak of patriotism. However, by the provisions of the Customs & Excise Management Act (CEMA) 2011 as amended, such issue is alien, hence baseless and a no-go area for the Senate to endlessly pursue except its rule of law is dependent on wishful thinking.

    Democracy is characteristically a government based on laid down rules. In other words, while the oversight functions could allow the Red Chamber to issue directives extravagantly to all MDAs (ministries, departments and agencies), the respective enabling Acts like CEMA which specifically guides and determines the management and operations of the agency will reduce such directives and threats to ultra vires, thus, null and void. Overall, the legislative arm must qualitatively be up and doing with know-how on its core responsibilities instead of contentedly prioritising politics and its gimmicks at the expense of the people.

     

    • Carl Umegboro

  • Shadows of a setting Sun

    Hardball is downcast, he is sad and distraught. Why would this often feisty fellow go gloomy today and why for that matter, would that be the vicarious burden of you, our dear reader? Pertinent questions but first, Hardball is human too and at that, a mere, clay-footed mortal who is also deeply enmeshed in the daily yings and yangs of life. Now coupled with the fact that he has to pummel his grey matter everyday to keep this space warm, would sure take its toll on him sooner.

    Nevertheless, these are not the reasons one is saddened and full of despair. Hardball’s heart is heavy not because he is bereaved, no. He is en-drossed by the gross abuse of the noble profession of journalism and the general state of dishevelment of the industry in Nigeria. This is especially as it concerns the print media; the written word club, which is the grandfather of all media of communication.

    No, it is not the incipient barrage of muck from the social media and the horde of barbarians at its gate threatening to tear down the communications sphere. Not even the pecuniary trauma some colleagues are going through currently is as troubling. The lack of payment of salaries for up to 12 months or more in some newspaper houses is heart-rending enough, but not as much as the scourge of platform abuse as witnessed in the Saturday Sun of October 10, 2015.

    The report (more like reproach), which was promoted on the front page as the second lead (second most important story) came with characteristic screaming headline: “Tinubu under security watch”, with a strap: “Over alleged plot against Buhari”. The front page heist came with a photograph of the ‘victim’ and snazzy graphic design for devious effects.

    Inside, on page 35, the ‘report’ is patently false and famished of any facts that it must be clipped by all journalism schools in Nigeria and presented as a case study of dubious journalism.

    The 14-paragraph banality insists that Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, the leader of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), is under security watch over alleged plot against President Muhammadu Buhari. In this business, we know about political punditry and we know outright premeditated fabrications and wicked lies carefully written and presented as informed reports.

    Saturday Sun ‘report’ in question is one such foul reproach to journalism that must be highlighted for the fraud it is. Even when the presidency responded immediately that there was no such security watch on Tinubu, the newspaper stood by its concoctions; electing to dance in its vomit.

    A newspaper will diminish and eventually extirpate itself when it begins to present wholesale fabrications and blatant lies on its front page as if they were factual stories. We are not talking about misjudgment or skewed presentation or biased slant. We speak of outright unconscionable LIES!

    Readers cannot be that stupid not to discern the difference; at least not all of them. You can only take them for a ride for so long. It is obvious that overbearing proprietary interest is inveigling on the professional integrity of the stable. But someday soon, Nigerians will begin to call to question, the capacity of some persons to own certain media of public information.

    That scam (that is what it is) of October 10 is portentous, it is a pock-mark that may prove indelible…