The Nation Newspaper

Tag: sister

  • They’ve come for me

    I visited two younger sisters in the boarding house last Saturday and it reminded me of my own school days. Visiting days were special. There used to be this excitement in the air – the weather assumes a brighter aspect and many girls nurse hope that they will receive at least one visitor. It is usually a day of abundance when parents, relations and friends replenished our pockets and our third shelves where we kept provisions. But perhaps what we cherished most was the home food. Rice and stew, jollof, fried rice, pounded yam, chicken, meat – any meal – as long as it was not cooked in the school kitchen. And the best announcement of the day is when a shout is made from the gate of the dormitory and the echo is carried down from room to room until it finally gets to the recipient that “they’ve come for you”

    That day, many students boycott the dining hall. They may eat breakfast – but school lunch and dinner on a day when the culinary expertise of mothers is put to test is unthinkable – except for those who are sure their parents will not visit and will not get to eat from friends whose parents visit.

    Back to last Saturday. My sisters brought their friends to meet members of the family in one of the classrooms we were restricted to for the period. They shared in the cooler of rice brought by another family friend and chatted with us. But one of them, who stayed with us throughout the time we were there, repeatedly spoke of her still expecting her mother – though it was already 6pm and visitors were not expected any longer.

    As we left the classroom on our way out, I overheard her speaking to her mum using a teacher’s cell phone reminding her that though the day was almost gone, she was still expecting her. “Mummy you will pack outside if it is late. Just come,” she said.

    I understood through that experience how secondary students feel when their parents fail to show up on visiting day. It wasn’t a strange experience for me because it wasn’t all the time my parents could travel all the way from Lagos to visit me in Benin. Maybe I wasn’t as sensitive as the girl or maybe I easily got over it because my friends were always around me.

    Another thing that struck me from that experience was how expedient that the school, like my secondary school, did not allow visitors into the dormitories. Now, I can imagine how some girls would have felt if loved ones were allowed to gather round the beds of their visitors while some in the same room did not receive any.

    It was enough punishment to watch a bunkmate come into the hostel weighed down by plastic bags or cartons of provisions and home food without the presence of visitors to remind you that your own folks could not make it – perhaps because of illness, poor finances or worse still because they were busy or too far away.

    Why do parents send their children to the boarding house? It is not actually a bad idea. It helps children to mature, learn social skills and gain a level of independence that will be useful later in life. However, if putting a child in boarding school is a means to get him or her out of the way, it is wrong and may backfire. It definitely wasn’t a pleasant experience for my sister’s friend to pine for a mother who did not sound too sure she could make it. True, there are genuine reasons why parents may not able to visit their children in school. A way around it may be to send a friend with a child in the same school with messages of love and assurance – in addition to all the goodies.

    When parents visit, it should not be about gifts and pocket money alone. They should find time to learn how the child is faring in school, academically, socially and otherwise. It is important to check through notes to know whether the child is behind in class or not and talk to class and subject teachers, house mistresses or masters, house prefects and even the child’s friends. If parents don’t pay close attention to their children in the boarding house, they (the children) will be lost easily. Parents should not relinquish all their responsibilities as the first and natural guardians and teachers to professional guardians and teachers. Ironically, some professionals are more natural at parenting than biological parents.

  • Another Onyeador sister passes on

    Another Onyeador sister passes on

    Barely one year after the social circuit received with dismay the news of the untimely death of art and culture aficionado, Angela Onyeador, the social scene has again lost another notable member. The harvest of deaths in the last few months reminds one of man’s grim mortality and fragile nature of our hold on our existence.

    From the social firmament, another illustrious lady has departed. Although she would never be seen again, memories of her will linger for a long time to come. It was penultimate Friday that the news of the death of Ebele Onyeador, the younger sister of the late Angela and Stella Onyeador, filtered out.

    Until her death, Ebele was the only surviving child of the late Sir and Mrs. Alex Onyeador. It will be recalled that Ebele’s eldest sister, Stella, the ex-wife of the late Chief Odumegwu Ojukwu, died about three years ago. Her kinsmen in Arochukwu, Abia State, had insisted that she should be buried in her ancestral home as the first daughter, according to their custom. But Angela, the immediate elder sister of Ebele, insisted that she would be buried in Lagos. Although she had her way, she fell ill some weeks after Stella was buried. She was ill for several months and later gave up the ghost in America late last year.

    Penultimate Friday, Ebele, the only surviving child in the family, also joined her sisters. Details of her burial arrangements were still under wraps at press time.

  • ‘Losing my sister was a wake-up call for me’

    ‘Losing my sister was a wake-up call for me’

    Propelled by a personal tragedy and driven by a passion for better healthcare, Ola Orekunrin set up Flying Doctors Nigeria, the first air ambulance service in West Africa, transporting victims of medical emergencies, including industrial workers. She shared with ADETUTU AUDU how she finds fulfillment in saving lives.

     

    WHAT really inspired Flying Doctors?

    I love medicine, aviation and entrepreneurial skills. When thinking about something that could really bring these three interests together, I thought it could be a perfect idea. I wanted to find a way that I could facilitate people who were critically ill, get them to see a doctor, and not just any doctor, but getting the right patient to the right facility, within the right time frame for that particular illness.

    But I discovered that you lost someone close to you because you could not get air ambulance and that spurred you into the initiative.

    That was exactly what happened: my younger sister became very sick when she was in Nigeria. And in England it is very easy to get ambulance to move patient to needed facilities. But in Nigeria, it is difficult to find or even West Africa. We could only get in South Africa. By the time we were able to organise that, my sister died. It was really a devastating time for me and I started thinking about whether I should be in England talking about healthcare in Africa, or I should be in Africa dealing with healthcare and trying to do something about it. It was a wake-up call for me. I began research into how rescue is done in Nigeria. For instance, if bomb explosion happened in Maiduguri and people needed to be evacuated to Abuja, how would this happen?

    If somebody is shot in Delta State and

    needs the pellet to be removed in Lagos, how does that happen? I was surprised that it does not really happen, people just died. It does not matter who they were or what they can afford. There is just nothing. Even the governors have to travel with ambulance in their own convoy; they could have accident and die. And these are the people who rule the affairs of the states. I wanted to put in place an effective measure to move people from one area to another for treatment.

    The reason I started with the air ambulance is because the distances are so far. If you are talking about somebody that is injured in Delta State and there is nowhere in the state that they can treat him, if you decide to take the person by road, it will take like six hours and the person could have been died by that time. Or somebody in Maiduguri that needs to be moved to Abuja, the journey is more than a day.

    What were your initial challenges?

    The first is finding the aircraft for the job. We realised that not every state has an air pole. Another is the issue of staff. To run pre-hospital service, you need experts. We tried to recruit from Nigeria, but we realised that there were no pre- hospital experts. In England, we have professors in pre-hospital care, that is what they do all ne in collaboration with the Delta State University. It is a big challenge getting people and training them. We got a lot of doctors now working in the pre-hospital environment. In order to get more personnel, we will be opening the first faculty of pre-hospital care in West Africa. We want everybody to be able to offer the essential first aid. We want people in the FRSC. Buying and commissioning big equipment is not what saves lives. Saving lives is very cheap. In Seattle, in America, you are almost 70 percent sure that an average person knows what to do, if someone collapseds. Nigerian doctors might not know what to do to restore that heart, not to talk of an average Nigerian. In Seattle, cleaners, drivers know what to do and this is what we are trying to inculcate in Nigerians.

    their lives. We have paramedics, but in Nigeria paramedics are actually non-existing. There is no department of pre-hospital care in the university. We are just opening one in collaboration with the Delta State University. It is a big challenge getting people and training them. We got a lot of doctors now working in the pre-hospital environment. In order to get more personnel, we will be opening the first faculty of pre-hospital care in West Africa. We want everybody to be able to offer the essential first aid. We want people in the FRSC. Buying and commissioning big equipment is not what saves lives. Saving lives is very cheap. In Seattle, in America, you are almost 70 percent sure that an average person knows what to do, if someone collapseds. Nigerian doctors might not know what to do to restore that heart, not to talk of an average Nigerian. In Seattle, cleaners, drivers know what to do and this is what we are trying to inculcate in Nigerians.

    Who are your clientele?

    Most change, unfortunately, when it comes to medicine starts at the top. We work with banks, manufacturing companies and other corporate organisations. Even the scope of the organisation, it is probably the less-privileged people that probably benefited. The managing director of Skye Bank for instance is not going to be at a branch when armed robbers storm the bank; it is probably going to be the security guards or cashiers. Dangote is not going to be the one operating machine and get his fingers amputated. We want to reach the ordinary Nigerians. Once you have succeeded in the private sector, then the government will try to notice you. I don’t believe in Nigerians’ mentality of government.com. Everybody has to be working for government; prove yourself in the private sector first. We have been working with the private sector for some years now and they have small budgets and we have to work with the budgets. People working with government just throw money around without anything to show for it.

    working with government just throw money around without anything to show for it.

    You will agree with me that this project is capital intensive. So how do you source for fund?

    I started with my money. People thought it was impossible but no matter how small your salary is, I believe you can save. I started working after graduation, I had a very terrible car too. While others were changing their cars, buying Ferrari and moving apartment after graduation, living according to their new status, I did not. I stayed in my student’s apartment because I was saving 90 percent of my income. When I thought I had enough, I came to Nigeria and started off. The structure of the company is that we sell and re-invest into the company.

    When would you say the breakthrough came?

    I was really frustrated because things were not moving at a time; I had to go back to England and come back and re-invest. I was spending money, using my last money to buy my ticket back to England, work some few hours and come back again. This was going on for a while and I was becoming frustrated. One day, I was invited to a party, I met a supposed ‘sugar daddy’, we exchanged business cards. He later called me around 3.00am few days later. And I was like pissed off; how can a sugar daddy be calling me early in the morning? He later told me that he needed my help, his son was sick and in another region. ‘You told me you do air ambulance, come and do the job now.’ I realised that the equipment was there and I could do it. So I approached Helicopter Company that could help, though I didn’t have the money to lease. I called them up and told them I would pay later, we did the job and I paid the lease. The man later turned out to be a husband to one of the influential women and I just saved their son’s life. That was how she started introducing me around. And that was it. I almost gave up because I had lost so much money and I could see my mates progressing within the system.

    What really motivated you to study medicine?

    I like science. I also have a sister who had sickle cell anaemia and she was always in the hospital; that made me to interact with doctors a lot.

    How was it easy for you moving from England to Nigeria?

    I have been to a lot of countries. I have been to Japan, where I was supposed to be working in a hospital. I couldn’t speak their language. Even taking the train was a problem; I couldn’t read the station, I had to be looking at the picture in my hand if it correlated with the one on the train. But in Nigeria, everybody speaks English, so it was much easier.

    What was growing up like for you?

    I grew up in a normal environment. My parents were ready to invest in me regardless that I am a female child. In Nigeria, a lot of parents see female children as second class. But my parents were really supportive.

    How do you relax in the midst of your tight schedule?

    I don’t watch TV, which is odd. But I get a lot of inspiration from books and listening to radio. If I have children, I may not be able to do this.

  • My sister insists on getting me a wife and says my preferred wife would fold me in her laps and beat me up from time to time!

    Hello, am Ebube, 35 years, an Economist from Imo State. I’ve never been in love (I am a virgin). My elder sister whom I cherish so much asked me to let her get me a suitable wife otherwise my preferred wife would fold me in her laps and beat me up from time to time! How true is my sister’s talk regarding my interest in marriage? What’s your advice? Don’t publish please.

     

    Ebube, I’m publishing despite your plea that I shouldn’t. Sometimes, some of the mails I get from some of you are so plain funny, unbelievable or rash or all or all-in-one. Ebube, at 35, a sister of yours is telling you that if she doesn’t get you a wife then the woman you get for yourself would fold you in her laps and beat you. If she wasn’t joking with you and you’re the one taking it seriously, then she must take you to too soft to handle a woman. In fact, for you to have even asked me if she was right at this age of yours means your sister must have seen something in you that makes her fear for you.

    It doesn’t matter if you’re a virgin at 35. What with do with our sex lives are purely our own personal decisions. But if at 35, your sister can still engage you in this kind of discussion and you’re taking it so serious that you’re asking a counselor if your sister was right, then you need counseling.

    If you’re not diminutive and so pocket-sized and easy to fold in one’s laps truly, then you must cut the picture of a pitiable man. Wake up and mix with the right people. Build your confidence and stop letting people look down on you. You claim to be an Economist, carry yourself well and tell yourself you can do all things, including getting a wife whom you will put on your in her laps and love and who will love you in return.