Tag: spouse

  • How to cope when your spouse is unfaithful

    YOU just realized that your spouse has been unfaithful. The news of the infidelity has hit you like a ton of bricks. Your marriage is now thrown into a state of crisis that may destroy it. On the other hand, you both may be able to work through it and end up better than ever.

    You may have hope that your marriage can survive your spouse cheating on you, but you still fill sick inside when you think about the affair.

    It is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is no simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in your marriage, it could relate to something in your spouse’s past, or it could be totally unrelated to you or to your marriage. You may never truly know why it happened.

    There are 15 things you can do to get beyond the hurt, forgive your unfaithful spouse, and save your marriage.

    1. Do not make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognized and dealt with.
    2. Understand that feelings are neither right or wrong. Accept that your feelings of rage, uncertainty, shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression and confusion about having an unfaithful spouse are normal. You will be on a roller coaster of emotions for a few months and possibly even up to a year or two afterwards.
    3. Do your best to take care of yourself. You may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or overeating.
    4. Balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and to have some fun.
    5. It’s still okay to laugh. Watch some funny movies or TV shows. Spend some time with people who make you smile. Life goes on in spite of heartache and unfaithful spouses.
    6. Tears are healthy too. If they aren’t coming naturally, put on some blues type music or watch a sad movie. Those betrayed may actually feel numb, but it is important to get in touch with your underlying emotions as well.
    7. Begin a journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings about your spouse’s unfaithfulness.
    8. Ask all the questions you want.Talk with your spouse about the infidelity. However, you may have to accept that your spouse may not know why the infidelity took place or may not want to reveal this to you.
    9. Seek counseling. Do not try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone! However, don’t shout from the highest mountain to all you know that your spouse is an unfaithful jerk. Carefully choose whom you will share this information with. Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier and counseling can help get answers to questions. Was it a one-night stand or an affair? Did it come during or after a life crisis? Is a sexual addiction a possibility? Was it an act of retaliation? Did the cheating occur to end the marriage? Regardless, this may be the most important time to seek professional help.
    10. Take it one day at a time. You and your spouse should both be tested for AIDS/HIVS and STD’s before you resume sexual intimacy without protection. Consider what boundaries you need in your marriage in order to stay in the marriage. You might wish to contact an attorney and get these documented in a postnuptual agreement.
    11. Your children need to know that you are going to be okay. You can’t hide the fact that you are going through serious stress or trauma. Being honest with your children might be the best approach depending upon their age, but don’t weigh them down with details. Also, don’t make promises that you can’t keep.
    12. Try not to get into the blaming game over who or what caused the infidelity. It’s just wasted energy. That includes blaming the third party. It will not change anything. Also, think twice before you tell your family or your spouse’s family about the infidelity. Family members can often hold grudges a long time.
    13. You may have post-traumatic stress. If you are jumpy, yell at trivial actions, feel like you are walking on egg shells, and continue to have physical reactions when you are reminded of the infidelity, see a physician as soon as you can. Medication, even temporarily, might be a good idea.
    14. It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. Don’t expect the mixture of feelings, the sense of confusion and limbo, and the mistrust to go away just because you’ve tried to forgive your spouse and made a commitment to save your marriage. The stages of death and dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are part of the grieving process. It doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be renewed and strengthened, because it can. But, it will be different. Remember that your marriage has changed. You will need to grieve that loss.
    15. Get practical. Look at your finances, housing situation, transportation, etc. If you do decide to end your marriage, make sure you have thought out where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, etc. If you are unsure this is the right decision, seek counseling as well to guide you.

    Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face. It doesn’t always mean it’s the end. It’s critical for both you and your spouse to carefully consider what changes you are both willing to make in order to get past it.

     

    Www.thespruce.com/

  • Nigerian Women Reveals Why They Don’t Enjoy Sex With Their Spouse (Must Read For Men)

    Unhappy woman lying in couch

    A lot of women are suffering from Dry, Boring and EVEN painful sex because their man is weak and unskilled in bed.

    That is because…the whole sex routine of many men is something like this:

    – Fondle her breasts for like a minute

    – Insert his penis and ejaculate within 2 minutes

    Many men are doing the two above, without paying attention to the sexual needs and pleasure of their woman.

    As a man, if you find out that your wife or sexual partner is too reserved and is boring in bed, it is mainly because you are not performing your duty as the man.

    You see, if you are in a relationship with a woman and you are unable to make her experience SWEET sex, the result is that she will no longer be interested in sex.

    You will think she is boring, but the truth is she is not enjoying the sex.

    Not all women are vocal, so most of them would not tell you, but instead keep quiet so that they won’t hurt your ego directly.

    But the bold ones are sharing their sexual frustrations and revealing why they don’t enjoy sex with their partners on gossip blogs such as Linda Ikeji Blog and Stella Dimoko Blog.

    Here’s a comment by a woman who is frustrated and she revealed exactly why she is not enjoying sex below:

    her-hubby-sucks-in-bed

    You can tell that this woman is frustrated and she is not enjoying sex because her husband is suffering from what is called “Premature Ejaculation”.

    If you are a man and you find out that you “release” after 2 to 3 minutes of sex, then it means you are suffering from premature ejaculation.

    If you only last for 1-3 minutes, then it means you are not strong in bed. Not only that, your woman will not enjoy love making with you.

    Luckily, if you suffer from Premature Ejaculation, you can do something about it today here.

    And one of the quickest way for you to get rid of premature ejaculation from your life is for you to take food supplements that will build your stamina and make you last up to 40 minutes in bed.

    Get details of how to get this food supplements that will help you last long in bed at this link here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    Moving on…

    Here’s another comment left by another real Nigerian woman on why she is unable to enjoy sex with her husband:

    cheatingwoman

    This woman is already cheating on her husband because her man lacks adequate knowledge and skills on how to pleasure a woman in bed.

    A lot of men don’t know how to touch, stimulate, build the sensation in their woman. instead, they rush and just want to enter her.

    If you are unable to satisfy your woman, someone else will do the job for you behind your back without you knowing about it.

    Whatever you do, don’t let this happen to you. Sign up here to get details of how to make your woman become sexually satisfied: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    As the man, you should be able to seduce her, help her relax in bed, educate her, get her excited and ultimately satisfy her.

    To learn exactly how to make her enjoy sex and have intense pleasureable orgasm, you can sign up exactly how here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    Here’s another comment left on Stella Dimokorkus blog by another woman on her husbands weak sexual performance in bed below:
    softhardon1

     

    In this case, this woman’s husband is suffering from what is called Erectile Dyfunction.

    That is when your erection is weak and you are unable to maintain or sustain erection.

    This erectile dysfunction could be caused by issues such as high blood pressure, diabetes, anxiety and even depression.

    If you are a man and your erection is soft and very weak, then you need to do something about it.

    There are supplements that can nourish your body and help you “wake up” your erection, boost your stamina and give you an erection that is hard like a rock.

    To get more information about this powerful supplement, click here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    When your body is weak, your sex life is also going to suffer as well.

    That is why you MUST do something about your premature ejaculation and weak erection today.

    If you would like to improve all areas of your sexual life, you should sign up to get more information on the supplements that you can start using that will help you become a strong man in bed.

    To get supplements that will help you win the war on premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, please click here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Nigerian Women Reveals Why They Don’t Enjoy Sex With Their Spouse (Must Read For Men)

    Nigerian Women Reveals Why They Don’t Enjoy Sex With Their Spouse (Must Read For Men)

    A lot of women are suffering from Dry, Boring and EVEN painful sex because their man is weak and unskilled in bed.

    That is because…the whole sex routine of many men is something like this:

    – Fondle her breasts for like a minute

    – Insert his penis and ejaculate within 2 minutes

    Many men are doing the two above, without paying attention to the sexual needs and pleasure of their woman.

    As a man, if you find out that your wife or sexual partner is too reserved and is boring in bed, it is mainly because you are not performing your duty as the man.

    You see, if you are in a relationship with a woman and you are unable to make her experience SWEET sex, the result is that she will no longer be interested in sex.

    You will think she is boring, but the truth is she is not enjoying the sex.

    Not all women are vocal, so most of them would not tell you, but instead keep quiet so that they won’t hurt your ego directly.

    But the bold ones are sharing their sexual frustrations and revealing why they don’t enjoy sex with their partners on gossip blogs such as Linda Ikeji Blog and Stella Dimoko Blog.

    Here’s a comment by a woman who is frustrated and she revealed exactly why she is not enjoying sex below:

    her-hubby-sucks-in-bed

    You can tell that this woman is frustrated and she is not enjoying sex because her husband is suffering from what is called “Premature Ejaculation”.

    If you are a man and you find out that you “release” after 2 to 3 minutes of sex, then it means you are suffering from premature ejaculation.

    If you only last for 1-3 minutes, then it means you are not strong in bed. Not only that, your woman will not enjoy love making with you.

    Luckily, if you suffer from Premature Ejaculation, you can do something about it today here.

    And one of the quickest way for you to get rid of premature ejaculation from your life is for you to take food supplements that will build your stamina and make you last up to 40 minutes in bed.

    Get details of how to get this food supplements that will help you last long in bed at this link here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    Moving on…

    Here’s another comment left by another real Nigerian woman on why she is unable to enjoy sex with her husband:

    cheatingwoman

    This woman is already cheating on her husband because her man lacks adequate knowledge and skills on how to pleasure a woman in bed.

    A lot of men don’t know how to touch, stimulate, build the sensation in their woman. instead, they rush and just want to enter her.

    If you are unable to satisfy your woman, someone else will do the job for you behind your back without you knowing about it.

    Whatever you do, don’t let this happen to you. Sign up here to get details of how to make your woman become sexually satisfied: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    As the man, you should be able to seduce her, help her relax in bed, educate her, get her excited and ultimately satisfy her.

    To learn exactly how to make her enjoy sex and have intense pleasureable orgasm, you can sign up exactly how here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    Here’s another comment left on Stella Dimokorkus blog by another woman on her husbands weak sexual performance in bed below:

    softhardon1

    In this case, this woman’s husband is suffering from what is called Erectile Dyfunction.

    That is when your erection is weak and you are unable to maintain or sustain erection.

    This erectile dysfunction could be caused by issues such as high blood pressure, diabetes, anxiety and even depression.

    If you are a man and your erection is soft and very weak, then you need to do something about it.

    There are supplements that can nourish your body and help you “wake up” your erection, boost your stamina and give you an erection that is hard like a rock.

    To get more information about this powerful supplement, click here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

    When your body is weak, your sex life is also going to suffer as well.

    That is why you MUST do something about your premature ejaculation and weak erection today.

    If you would like to improve all areas of your sexual life, you should sign up to get more information on the supplements that you can start using that will help you become a strong man in bed.

    To get supplements that will help you win the war on premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, please click here: http://realmandigest.com/pe-solution-56/

  • When not to depend on your spouse

    DEAR Harriet,

    My husband says I am suffocating him. I’m more in love with him than he is with me. I don’t want to lose him by being too clingy. I need your counsel.

    Name withheld,

    Lagos.

    Thanks for sharing your problem. A situation where you are totally dependent on your spouse or partner for everything or always being in his space for fear of losing him because of the love you have for him.

    Such behaviour can drive him away, rather, in no time the person will start feeling choked. Not everybody enjoys being crowded. Some people just need their space.

    In addition, excessive expectations in intimate relationships involve unreasonable demands for time, affection, or strength. If care is not taken, you will suffocate your relationship if you expect too much.

    However, it may indicate a different problem such as insecurity, anxiety, or low self- esteem or  your husband or partner could be responsible for you acting the way you are.

    People cling on when they feel insecure. You may have accepted your husband loves you less, but I suspect emotionally it’s a different story. If your husband wants you to be more independent, tell him that he needs to be more loving because a woman that is shown affection,  feel safe and secure, then find no reason what soever to be clinging so much to her husband.

    However, the more reassured you are, the less suffocating you will be. Apart from your spouse or partner, you also have a very important role to play in this situation in order to put an end  to the happening.

    Here are some tips to assist you: Learn to take time for yourself. Have time for yourself doing what you enjoy alone. If you like to read, then go on and read at your free time. If it is watching films, kick back and enjoy a film. Find out that thing you like, it will keep you occupied and less clinging.

    Another step is to give your partner or spouse space, time and room to breathe. Some men like to hang out with their guys Friday after work, while some women also will like to visit their friends or families as well.

    Couples are  encouraged to create special moment where they can spend quality time together for bonding. In spite of this, they should bear in mind that sometimes  they also need their “lone time,” so that when they get back together they can share their experiences and have something to talk about. Most men need to be able to get away to think about issues and digest them.

    Furthermore, it is for you to  strike a balance between your demands and those of your spouse or partner. Try to have a common ground with your spouse on issues. Things might not always go your way because the relationship involves two different personalities with separate expectations and opinions.

    Always put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Next is the issue of your hobbies and interest. The question is what are the things you enjoy the most.  Go and do them. If it is sport, get registered and keep at it. This will help you not to always be in your spouse’s or partner’s face.

    Moreover, learn to cultivate your own friends apart from your husband’s or partner’s friends that you barely know. For example, have your own friends. This can be some good friends you have known growing up that have made positive impact on your life, friends who are always there to tell you the truth not because they want to gain something from you, but are honest friends in their ways.

    Keeping in touch with your good friends might help you as well. Appreciate who you are as a person.   Start seeing greatness in yourself with the feeling that you are a complete being instead of pushing so hard for your spouse to complete you.

    Therefore, develop your own spiritual, personal, social and professional self. Trust me, once you are not in touch with whom you are, it can lead to suffocation of one’s spouse or partner.

    If you find it difficult to work on your own, don’t hesitate to see a professional counsellor to help you.

    Take care of yourself and each other.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or text message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj, blog: liwh.com.ng

  • TONTO DIKEH: A wrong spouse will derail you

    TONTO DIKEH: A wrong spouse will derail you

    It appears that popular actress, Tonto Dikeh, has become a marriage counsellor of sorts since getting married last year. In an online post earlier in the week, the mother of one revealed her husband/marriage management tricks, while giving relationship advice on choosing the right partner.

    Speaking of her belief in the efficacy of prayers in managing and keeping a marriage, Tonto avers that a marriage devoid of prayers is headed for tragedy, concluding the decision of who to serve, and the individual to marry are the two most decisions a man (or woman) can make.

    As she puts it, “A prayerless man or woman is in for doom. Besides choosing the God you want to serve, the next big decision a man/woman has to make in life has to do with whom to spend the rest of your life with.”

    She opined that a wrong choice makes an individual unlikely to fulfill his or her purpose. As she said, “When you get any of these wrong,  only divine intervention will ensure you get to your predestined end.”

    Continuing her ruminations on the effects of marrying the wrong person, she posited; “A wrong spouse will not only derail you from the set course, they will also ensure that a journey of 10 days will last 10 years.”

    She also said that love is never enough to choose a partner, but that prayer and understanding help.

  • On the trail of the sage’s spouse

    On the trail of the sage’s spouse

    Title: In the radiance of the sage: The life and times of HID Awolowo
    Publisher: African Newspapers of Nigeria Plc
    No of pages: 302
    Author: Dr Wale Adebanwi
    Reviewer: Dr. Kole Odutola

    The outstanding biography of HID Awolowo as presented by Dr. Wale Adebanwi follows reality as it shapes a narrative in the meaning of a constructive life. Though Ikenne is home and in its soil is where the placenta of Miss Hannah Idowu Dideolu was buried and to that city her life, times, and eventual demise revolves; places like Ibadan, Ikeja, and Apapa also feature in this story of many hills.

    The book of nine chapters (excluding the epilogue and prologue) opens when the subject is a grown woman and the following chapter presents her as a woman growing up in different cities.  As you well know, most cities are confluences of history, politics, commerce, religion and other concerns of life that help (re)shape the lives of natives and residents who call the place home.  To really know a person or a collective, a researcher must open the innards of the various spaces and places that gave birth to, and nurtured the person and the group she identifies with. This preposition is not too far from DmitiriKalugin’s injunction that “[a] particular challenge for the poetics of biography is the peculiar character of the constitution of the biographical subject. It evolves through the interaction between textual strategies and the realm of social facts such as the workings of institutions, models of behavior, notions of success and recognition, etc.” None of these elements as enunciated by Kalugin is absent in In the Radiance of the Sage.

    Like a deft surgeon Dr. Adebanwi dissects HID’s life and stitches the parts together neatly.  What a life in its many dimensions and manifestations. The reader should be patient and not ask where the genesis of the story is because the end is told in the beginning and the revelation of how the pieces became ‘one whole’ finds its rhythm eventually. This is a book into which other books are made to empty their content. To be sure that this is not the first attempt at capturing the contours and controversies that surround the lives of members of the Awolowo family, Adebanwi sought out TolaAdeniyi’s authorized biography and consulted biographies of other figures involved in HID’s life. The only book I am not sure the author consulted is Kole Omotosho’s Just Before Dawn; a book that throws a little light on the saga of Coca-Cola distributorship between Mrs. Awolowo and Mrs. Akintola. Adebanwi can be excused for not including this book which the author termed “faction”.

    As if to assist readers easily navigate the twists and turns of this book, Adebanwi includes epigrams (which are “brief, interesting, memorable, and sometimes surprising or satirical statements”) as leads in all the chapters. The knowledge nationalist in Adebanwi makes his choice of sources of these epigrams so diversified he would remain the envy of most scholars based outside Nigeria. There are a total of 15 epigrams; of which about eight are drawn from the works of Africans or of African descent. This may be a minor detail to most people but for me as a media studies scholar, it goes to show a great sensitivity to knowledge produced by people of color. It goes to say that voices encoded into texts can find space(s) in scholarly works. If you doubt that assertion please content-analyze any book or article written by Africans in the diaspora.

    The book takes a personal turn for me as the skillful narrator paddles to the fourth chapter. There is something in the chapter that tells a part of my story by its absence. As the name of Moses Awolesi makes a showing; I am reminded thatinjustice done to a certain Prince Odutola Ogunajo (my grand-father) who I was told was announced as the Akarigbo in the morning but was denied the opportunity of ascending the throne of his forebears because he was not as well-read as Moses Awolesi. The truth of this story is yet to be fully documented and made a part of the history of Sagamu people. I have no documentary evidence but I can still see in my mind’s eye the day the Akarigbo visited our newly built family house in Surulere, Lagos, Nigeria for a sort of reconciliation. Till today, no one has fully explained what really happened. How would I have known that my story is part of HID’s story? The search for the truth about Baba Agba (alias Baba Majiyan) must grow forth from this review.

    Let us leave the personal aside so as to allow the main protagonists in the story re-tell their version of what we know or think we know about the man Awo. In public, Pa Awo was perceived as an inflexible or ridged personality that would not bend to the wishes of others but if accounts in in Chapter 4 of this book is to be believed and I see why not, he is portrayedvery differently. According to the narrative, one of thegrand-children averred that  “We often remarked that, contrary to the erroneous talk of Papa being unforgiving, he was in fact very forgiving; the only crime we thought he would find unforgiving was one committed against his wife!” (p. 76).  Could this be a case of separation of the private from the public spheres?

    Still on the matter of public sphere where else can one encounter a vibrant public sphere if not on the pages of newspapers?  In Nigeria, the life span of an average newspaper, especially those tied to owners who are interested in politics, is less than 20 years. The long-life of HID Awolowo appears to have also bestowed a measure of longevity on the Tribune newspapers. Should you be interested in the humble beginnings of the paper; chapter 4 is the place to go. Chapter 5 picks up from where the story of the life of travails in politics begins and gives a fuller treatment to the banishment, to the pains and miraculous victory of the couple.

    Just as you expect a change in the tone of the narration, Chapter 6 dips into more tragedy. It is aptly titled “death in the dawn”. Here, Adebanwi tells a mother’s story through a harvest of deaths. The reader is not spared the unpleasantdetails or the gripping suspense of how the news grew feet and teeth to bite deep into the flesh of the living.  Even a heart of stone would surely be moved if not to tears but definitely into empathy for these endless streams of misfortunes.

    Efforts to get Awo out of prison, the set-up that never was (great piece for a Nollywood movie this one), his release from prison and the details of how he ended up in Gowon’s government are the nuggets in Chapter 7. The chapter did not end with wedding bells but those wielding cudgels that could divorce a man from earth. It would not be surprising if a reader mutters what a life under his or her breath?

    As the ship of the story anchors on the eighth chapter, Awo’s new life in Gowon’s administration fills not a few pages but it is made to commingle with HID’s life as a big-time trader and owner of businesses. As you read about trading you also get to read about fending for grand-children and how their grand-mother’s strict “Ij¹buness” shaped theirs.  As it is usual in some of the chapters; accounts of tragedies or near fatalities seem to appear before a chapter ends. One may be forced to call these sprinkles of tragedies.

    Chapter 8 had its own dose of such an account. Should you ever want a counter narrative to the text, please fix your gaze on the many pictures generously used in the book. The images do speak louder than words and in some; you will appreciate the social settings in which celebrations were held in those days or the modesty of the Awolowos. The only missing information is the identification of the photographers who froze such moments for posterity.

    Life starts and life ends. The account of how Pa Awo arrived at his own end occupies a tiny part of the ninth chapter. The chapter did not spare an account of the tentative death of the ‘Dideolu Specialist Hospital’ dream. It appears this is one dream that the name “stand up Lord” (as in DiÌdeOluwa) did not quiet live up to. How can a book about the Awolowos be written without generous pages devoted to Olusegun Obasanjo? Readers will not be disappointed because he is represented both in text and in images too.

    As a Yoruba adage says “there is no way one can pound yam without it having lumps.” The lumps in this book are manifold; they come in the guise of typos that are avoidable.  For instance, on page 58 instead of objectives the expression comes out as “aims and objected;” on page 168 the word laughs is omitted in the expression “For he who laughs last, laughs best.”Similarly on page 240, Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, a non-profit medical practice is referred to as a non-profit media practice.  These oversights did not in any way stand in the way of textual comprehension or its flow neither should it be counted as a low for the publishers.

    In conclusion, Kalugin posits that “[t]he representation of human life as text and more particularly as a narrative can exist in at least two modalities. One is encomiastic or panegyrical…[the other] as a story about a member of the socially proximate group, which is only possible within a homogeneous social space.”I am still not sure in which of the categories I will like to locate Dr Adebanwi’s adroitly-crafted biography of a womanwho lived life with its many troubles and got double of fortunes and fame till the flame went out in the same city of her birth. Hers was a life filled with memories just like the narrative woven by the writer. There are memorable lines in the many inter-meshing lives the reader is presented with.  If you have a critical mind please keep your questions at bay if you really want to ‘enjoy’ this book. Please do not ask if HID Awolowo had any faults in life, just take this book as raw data that will surely give birth to other analytical efforts in the nearest future.

    As I dropped the e-version I was sent, the name John Lynn has not left my consciousness. Whatever happened to this white police officer who was used by the forces of darkness as the thorn in the lives of the Awolowo family, I may never know and you too may never know till someone presents a detailed or even lean copy of officer Lynn.

  • What qualities do you want in your spouse?

    What qualities do you want in your spouse?

    There are severally qualities people look out for in a man or woman they intend to spend the rest of their lives with. Oluwatoyin Shobola, Rashidat Ashafa and Emmanuel Ojo who spoke  to a group of undergraduates on the subject matter report.

     

     

    Oluwakayode David, a student of Yaba College of Technology (Yabatech)

    The first quality I look out for in a lady is that she must be God fearing.

    Also, she must be lettered; at least a first degree will do from a university. She must be diligent, prudent and not the extravagant type.

    She must have a good sense of humor and be some one that encourages. I seriously want someone who is submissive and not someone who nags always. Must not be a liability, she must be able to contribute her quota to the family. My woman must be understanding and have great sense of fashion, I mean good looking.

    Toheeb Adebusoye, a 400 student of statistics, University of Agriculture, Abeokuta (UNAAB)

    My ideal woman must have a good personality, fine dress code and the ability to cook good food.

    She must be romantic and have a good dress sense, though not too flamboyant.

    She must possess good ability to accommodate people but not in excess and the level of her IQ is highly important.

    Adeleye Kayode, Electrical engineering student, Moshood Abiola Polytechnic, Abeokuta

    For me, my woman must be God fearing, she must be good looking. She must be educated and she must be a good cook.

    Titilayo Ogunniyi, applicant

    My ideal man must be 100 percent better than I. He must be very understanding and not aggressive. He must be intelligent and must be faithful.

    He must be caring, God fearing and a good cook.

    Above all, he must love and respect me.

    Smart Agbor, Computer Technology student, Yaba College of Technology (Yabatech)

    She must be God fearing, cool, honest and lively. Also I want someone who is presentable, caring, loving and natural. By natural I mean she must be naturally beautiful so she does not have to wear heavy makeup and last of all she must be purpose driven.

    David Babajide, Science Lab Technology student, Yaba College of Technology (Yabatech)

    I really want to be honest with you about it. You know every Christian would say God fearing but with me, the list starts with obedience, because I don’t want quarrels and should there be any, we must be able to settle it immediately.

    Also, I expect my woman to adhere strictly to anything we agree upon. She must possess love, understanding and must be beautiful.

    I prefer a fair complexioned lady who is endowed, honest and entrepreneurial. Then God fearing can comes in. She must be friendly and must be able to spoil me with all manner of delicious dishes.

    Kunle kehinde, Hospitality Management student, Yaba College of Technology, (Yabatech)

    First of all, she must know God – a good Christian, I am not after beauty. She must be respectful, friendly, generous and kind. Also, she must be hardworking, submissive, caring and accommodating. She must also know how to cook and above all she must have home training, I mean she must be of good behaviour.

    Olakunle Elemide, Business Admin student, University of Ado-Ekiti (UNAD)

    The qualities I look out for in my woman are quite many. Firstly, she must be prayerful, God fearing and possess good communication skill.

    Additionally, she must be a person of good integrity – she must be true to her words and maintain fidelity. She must be a very good cook, must be neat and ready to take care of domestic chores and children.

    She must be very supportive – she has to be a helpmate and must be someone that can make good decision in my absence. Finally, she must be hardworking and industrious.

    Abimbola FabowaIe, teacher

    I like a guy who understands, if he understands that covers all because he will take you for who you are, accepts you without complain. My ideal man should not cheat on me and must be loving as well

    Ibrahim Akinola, Mass Communications student, Yaba College of Technology (Yabatech)

    For me, the behavior of the girl matters to me, her religion as in how she worship Allah, her family and educational background are some qualities I look out for in a woman.

    Obasi Peter, Fashion Designer

    She must be caring and hardworking. She must have everything a man wants in a lady. I only want the best.

    Ajanaku Sunday, Computer Technology student, Yaba College of Technology

    She must be a woman of integrity, great ideas, beauty and high intellect. She must also possess beauty of the mind.

    Ajibade Mustapha, Business Administration,

    She must be well educated woman and of a good character.

    Ben-Eze Chidebere, Elect-Elect Engineering, Yaba College of Technology

    She must be God fearing, dedicated, hard working, loving, caring and a goal getter

    She must have a vision both for her life and her marriage, a help mate and someone I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with. She must be able to satisfy my stomach and many more not forgetting that she must be good on bed.

    Rowland Efe Lucky, Business Administration, Lagos State University (LASU)

    She must be tall, pretty, kind, lovely, intelligent, wise, humble, and honest.

    Oyewunmi Daniel, Mass Communication, Yaba College of Technology (Yabatech)

    She must be calm and fair

    Adetoyan Emmanuel, Law student, Obafemi Awolowo University

    She must be able to cook very well. That is all.

    Shobola Oluwatoyin, Mass Communication, Yaba College of Technology

    He must be God fearing, caring and compassionate, a loving fellow, educated, and accommodating.

    He must be honest, tolerant and gentle.

     

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and two shall become one flesh. Ephesians 5:31

    Not to confuse my readers, sex is an important spice in marriage not outside of it. Remember, we are sinful beings, our view of sex can be distorted, especially when our sinful heart’s desire sex for SELFISH reason. Sex affects our heart, our inward being, not just our physical being. Sin, which is first and foremost a disorder of the heart, therefore has a big impact on sex. Indeed sex is perhaps the most powerful God created way to help you give your entire self to your spouse, Sex is God’s appointed way of two people to reciprocally say to one another, “I belong completely, permanently and exclusively to you. You must not use sex to say anything else. A negative attitude towards sex really hinders the ability to enjoy the beauty of intimacy God designed for a husband and wife to experience. Sex is a unique way to rekindle the covenant you made to your spouse, esp. as time goes on. Wife should not use SEX in marriage as a weapon by denying your husband any time he wants to be with you. This acts leave room for infidelity. There is an important value of sexual satisfaction in marriage. Both parties as part of their obligation must maintain a good body odor, esp. the genital parts. Paul gives us a positive view of sex in (1 Cor. 7:3-5)that a husband and wife have a marital duty to fulfill, that their bodies belong to each other, and that they should avoid denying each other unless by mutual consent. He is telling husbands and wives that mutual sex in marriage is an important part of life shared together. (1 Cor. 7) husbands and wives should not be concerned with getting sexual pleasure from their spouse, but by giving it. We need to be willing to give sex as a GIFT.

    QUESTION

    Whose Children are they anyways?

    Dear Princess:

    I have been married for 18years to my high school sweetheart. I met her virgin at the ripe age of twenty-four. Her parents were strict Muslims, hence, they believe that a woman must wait till the night of her marriage before allowing her mate to touch her was solidly embedded in my wife and her two younger sisters. I work for a reputable law firm, while she works as a banker at a very well-known bank;our marriage has been happily blessed with four children ages 4,10,12 and 17. Our first child, Henry is a younger replica of me; the other three children look more like their mother as far as am concerned. We are both hard working and happy. About 2years ago, I won a visa lottery to the United States. The whole families were very excited. One of my aunts called me and adviced me to just process the visa, but to not plan on leaving my job to go live abroad. At first, I was upset, I felt maybe she was jealous because am the first person in our entire family to be given this opportunity, Eventually, I decided that I will take a year off my job, go abroad and then decide if I want to stay or come back. I then decided to process my children visa and my wife’s visa together with mine. We were then requested to do a DNA testing, for my children and I, on my wife’s parts, I just have to show our marriage certificate and some photo proves. The DNA testing took about a month before the results came out. The first result read “inconclusive” for my three younger children, but proved that at 99.9% am Henry’s father. My wife and I could not believe the results, so they requested for blood sample this time, a mouth swab was done for the first DNA testing. Princess, the test took another month, during that one month, my whole life was in dismay. I could not sleep, I trusted my wife with my life. Yes, I am one of those men that goes after younger girls, but in our society, it is allowed as far as am concerned. The thought of my wife ever cheating on me was unbearable. I had sleepless nights. I dare not ask my wife if there had ever been anyone other than to touch her. On her part, she was very optimistic; she told me more than one occasion that she is sure there was a mistake somewhere. She had never known any other man aside from me. Princess, I believed her. Anyway, the second result came in, it confirmed that 99.9% chance that Iam not my three younger children’s father, I fainted! When I recovered, my wife sat quietly at the clinic reception area, sobbing. I took one look at her; I cannot tell you the thoughts that went through my mind. When we managed to get home, I calmed myself down. I asked if we should do a third DNA. Quietly, she said No! I then asked her what happened. She narrated that as a banker, sometimes they had to go out to sort for clients, that is how they get commissions, the more money you bring into the bank, the higher your commission. Most if not all their male clients will always request for sexually favors, although when you insist for them to use protection, majority of them will refuse. The habit according to her is very common in the banking industry. Has to who the father or fathers of the three children is/are, she does not know. Princess, I was covered with sweat when I heard this! I then asked her, what do we do now? She looked at me and tears just started dripping down her face. I loved and hated her at the same time. I asked why she does not trust me enough to confide in me about this practice in her office. She said she was afraid I will ask her to leave her job, and since we depended solely on both incomes, she could not take the risk. This issue has been on ground now for about 5weeks , I am so confused. I think I have developed High Blood Pressure. Do I send her packaging with the three children? If I do, who will they go to? Or do I just accept my faith and move on? Please l desperately need your advice. Kingsley, Warri.

     

    ANSWER

    Dear Kingsley,

    “Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% is how you react to it”. In life, if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything! First of all, I have to say am very sorry for the situation you have found yourself in! Both you and your wife are victims of what our society have become. I want you to look at it from your wife’s point of view. A woman that kept herself till her wedding night before knowing any man, this will tell you that she is not a wayward person, but the usual circumstance that she found herself in. Am sure because she knows that both of your incomes are what sustain the family financially and knowing that if she tells you, you will totally object to it. She made a very sensitive decision and look at what it’s costing your family. Another angle to look at is that she is inexperience when it’s comes to men, hence this sad ending. Kingsley, you said you love your wife. If you send her packing who is she going to go to? Unfortunately, there is no way to test for the paternity of the children father or fathers for that matter, because of am sure she had several clients in the course of the years. When the children were born, you are there, you have been raising them as your own from birth. A friend of mine once told me that her father told her that,“it is not the man that donates his sperm to make a baby that is the baby’s father”, it is actually the one that raise that baby and able to take care of his or her financial needs. In other words, you are those children’s father. I don’t even want you to have a second thought. It will be best for all if both you and your wife can keep this secret between you and take it to your grave. Remember those three beautiful innocent children are the major victims, it will be sad and unforgiving if you take their mother’s mistake out on them! I wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week

    “People are more of what they hide than what they show”.