- Says snide remarks caused me to abandon school, contemplate suicide
On the surface, 27-year-old Blessing Ajaka is an epitome of courage. But behind the facade of strength is a two-decade battle with abandonment and bullying provoked by a rare facial tumour that nearly cost her everything, including her will to live. Yet the indigene of Ajaka, Kogi State was not born with any facial deformity. At birth, she was a beautiful baby who grew to live her beautiful life in her rural community until fate dealt her a fatal blow, first with the separation of her parents and suddenly into a life full of sorrow, rejection, dejection and suicidal thoughts, all because of a facial deformity. If she could handle her parents’ separation since her maternal grandparents were always there for her, what about the deformity she neither had a clue of nor know how to handle? For a little girl of eight, the realization that her life was falling apart right before her eyes could be traumatising. Children ran from her and adults spoke in whispers around her. So much so that she dreaded seeing herself in the mirror. She poured out her mind tearfully in an interview with DELE ANOFI, revealing how Dr. Seidu Bello’s Cleft and Facial Deformity Foundation (CFDF) came along like a guidance angel, and her life has transformed from one of hopelessness to one of purpose.
Ere you the reason your paents separated?
No, they broke up before my problem started, although their issue started when I was around 6 or 7. When they broke up, everyone abandoned me. My father left, abandoning me and my brother for my mother.
That was the first shock of my life. I was confused, but my maternal grandparents did not abandon me. It was my father and his family that abandoned me, even up till today. The impact of my father in my life from the time I was going through life nightmares as a child till now when there’s a ray of hope is zero. To me, he is non-existent. Till today, my father does not know anything about my education.
If you say they did not separate because of you, does that mean your facial deformity came after they had parted ways?
Yes, I wasn’t born with any deformity, and I didn’t have it before they went their separate ways. I didn’t even know when the facial deformity started. I didn’t have any spot on my face then. I was between seven and eight years old when one morning, my grandfather noticed that there was a swelling on my face. Then I noticed it started getting bigger. That was when the problem began.
My grandparents began to treat it with native medicine, they gave me all kinds of herbal concoctions to the point that I started refusing them, because rather than solving the problem, the swelling continued to get bigger. As I stopped taking the concoctions, they started calling me a witch for refusing and blaming me for my plight.
Even when my father learnt of my condition, he refused to help me. I felt all alone in this world. At one point, I could not bear the pains of my harsh reality and the constant bullying from within my community anymore, so I started thinking of taking my life. I was bullied, people insulted me, I couldn’t even speak because the society didn’t allow me to speak.
I didn’t know how everything started. I just found myself in the middle of a problem with nobody to help me. I was tired. I didn’t know what life was. I was just growing up, just trying to survive.
With growing tumour, constant bullying and stigmatization, how did you manage to get through school?
I was innocent. I didn’t know what was waiting for me. I didn’t have the opportunity to attend a private school. At first, my mother put me in a private school. I did Primary 1 and 2, but she couldn’t afford it anymore. So she transferred me to a public school in Primary 3. The bullying was worse in the public school, with all the whispers, fingers pointing at me all the time, many avoiding me, and snide remarks hurled at me directly. Somehow, I was able to survive, even in my secondary school. But it was never easy.
It was worse and harsher outside the school. It got so bad that my grandmother tried to discourage me from going to school because she’s aware of the trauma I faced every day from the bullying, but I refused.
Choosing to live after primary school, how did you cope with life in secondary school?
It was not easy. I finished primary school and got into secondary school, did my junior secondary, but it was in SS 1 that my story began to change. It was in my SS1 that a foundation came to my area for an outreach to treat people with different ailments at our small hospital. So I went there alone. I was about 15 then. I took myself there to find a solution because my people had always been taking me to local herbal places that weren’t helping.
At first, my mom was taking me to the small hospital in my hometown. We didn’t have big hospitals. Then, the tumour was small. They asked us to be buying drugs and my mom used to borrow money to buy the drugs, but eventually, she couldn’t repay the loans, so she stopped trying.
After attending that Foundation’s outreach, they gave me a referral to a specialist hospital in Lokoja. That was the first time I stepped into Lokoja. By then, the tumour had been on my face for almost 10 years. I was about 16 or 17 years old then.
As I grew, it also grew, to the point that I started using scarves to cover it. I lost the confidence to face people with my bare face. I went back home and later went to my father and gave him the referral letter. He took me to the specialist hospital, and then we went to FMC. That was the first time he tried to help me after 10 years. They gave us a bill of ₦250,000, and he dumped me again immediately. I don’t think it was because he could not afford it; ₦250,000 was not too much for him. He had a car of his own, he is doing well, he could have raised it, but he just chose to abandon me.
After that, I gave up. I will say I stopped schooling because I was no longer having the courage to continue to be punctual and attentive in class. It was all too much for me.
A few years later, an auntie from my hometown who we had met at the specialist hospital called my father to take me to Lokoja because a Foundation was at the hospital that could help me. Do you know that my father refused to tell me, not to even talk of taking me there? He was always lying to the woman, giving one excuse or the other. It was not until the outreach was almost over that he called my maternal grandmother that I should come and collect the number of one woman who had been disturbing his life with my issue. I went to him quickly to get the number and I called her immediately.
The woman was angry that it didn’t appear I wanted to help myself, saying that my father had been calling me about the Foundation but I refused to show up. I couldn’t believe that my father could do this to me. In a way, that sort of justified my telling some people that my father was dead when they asked about him. The man, to me, is dead, and that is the fact.
The woman was so angry that she wasn’t listening to me. So I quickly gave the phone to my grandmother, who begged her and told her that my father never at any time called me about the Foundation. That was when the auntie calmed down and told me to get myself to Lokoja the following morning.
Before I got there the following morning, the CFDF outreach was over and Dr. Seidu Bello told me that they couldn’t perform any surgery again. But he collected my phone number. That was in 2014. After a year, he called me that I should come to Abuja for an X-ray. I went there, got it done and returned home. A few months later, he called me that he was coming to Lokoja to do the surgery for me. He came around and did the surgery and that was when the next phase of my life began.
What happened?
After the surgery, and even before then, I was stranded about my education because I had no financial means. But during the surgery issue, God used one of the volunteers with Dr. Bello’s Foundation, Dr. Ife, who God used for me to continue with my education. He took me to Abuja and enrolled me in a school for my senior secondary. But I didn’t do my SSCE exams in Abuja, because at that time, I felt I was becoming too much of a burden to Dr. Ife. I went back to my village and hustled here and there, because after the surgery, I had a new bounce in my strides with a lot of confidence. I hustled and got myself registered and did the exams, passed and even took JAMB. I did and finished my National Diploma, and after two years, I’m currently in my HND 1.
You’ve been through so much, yet you’ve managed to find your place again in society. What made you return to the Foundation’s outreach?
What brought me here was that after the surgery, I started having issues with my teeth because there was no bone to support them any longer, and I have been removing them since then. I’m now left with three teeth, which is creating problems for me. Eating or chewing is now a serious challenge.
I’ve been complaining to Dr Bello and he asked me to come for this outreach and will do bone grafting since there’s no bone supporting the teeth. After that, he said May God provide the means to do a dental implant that would really solve the problem. I’m praying.
Read Also: Bauchi female journalist seeks N5m for brain tumour surgery
That’s wonderful to hear. How do you feel now compared how you felt before the surgery, when you thought about ending your life?
First, I can’t stop thanking God for His mercies for sending Dr. Bello, his CFDF, his volunteers, including Dr Ife and TY Danjuma Foundation my way, to rescue me and give me another shot at life. I have to, because after my surgery, a lot of people that were so mean to me back in the village were so shocked and humiliated seeing me. They thought the tumour was going to kill me.
After the surgery, I began to live a freer life, no more tumour, just the scar. I did my OND, now in HND, I was able to integrate into the society, hustle and make small small money to help myself. All of these seemed so hugely impossible to me; that I spent two decades living with the burden of that condition and now beginning to live a normal life. That feeling is indescribable.
But sometimes the pain returns. I’ve tried to let go but it is hard. I’m still trying because in some low moments when I remember what I went through, even at the hands of my father, who is not aware of where I am right now, which was why I said he’s dead to me. I’m just about to prepare for the bone grafting surgery. Maybe when I eventually get the dental implants, I’ll finally let go.
What would you say to those that indulge in stigmatising and bullying people living with conditions like the one you once had?
All I have to say is that life is unpredictable. It’s just absurd that some people don’t think, taking satisfaction in bullying and stigmatising others. I never imagined this would happen to me.
I started suffering around age 5, 6, starting life with parents’ separation. Then the tumour that came with all kinds of challenges, then how to get into society, how to get educated, all of these with no money. Me, a happy child that started life from nursery school, even if it was in a rural village, I didn’t know life would be this hard. I’m 27, but it was 20 years of battle: 10 years before surgery and now 10 years after surgery. Two decades of struggle. I will rather urge the society to be kinder to people with health challenges because it can happen to anyone at any time and any age.
But for those with such health challenges, my advice is for them to keep praying to God and never give up. If I had given up, I would not have come this far. I would’ve ended it. I was serious. I was tired. People shouldn’t give up. I’m doing better now, I’m just waiting for my turn now to be prepared for the bone grafting surgery. I just want a final solution.
At this point in your journey, what are your hopes and aspirations?
My major goal now is I want to have a family. I’ve never experienced what it means to have one; not even once. Not even from my parents. It wasn’t funny, but I’ve seen how kindhearted some people can be. I’ve met some on my way to make me realise that family could be a sweet experience, and that’s why I’m craving it.
As for a career, I’m still in school now in HND 1, reading Biochemistry under Science Laboratory Technology. I used to dream of becoming a lecturer, but I’ve changed my mind. I now want to be a businesswoman. I’ve realised that it was through small businesses and hustling that I’ve been able to come this far. After school, I want to start a standard business and manage my life. If I get a government job, fine.