Do not expect so much support from the media. Remember your belief that they collaborated with civil society organisations to paint your government in bad colours. Just be focused on what you set out to achieve and with the economy struggling, who knows we may start hearing: ‘All we are saying, give us Uncle Ebele.
In the last two weeks or so, His Excellency ex-President Dr. Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan has returned to the news. This time with full force. Tagging along is his amiable wife, Her Excellency Dame Patience Jonathan. All thanks to ex-presidential spokesman and ThisDay Editorial Board chairman Olusegun Adeniyi, who has just released a well-written, edited and easy-to-read book titled Against the Run of Play.
The book is full of drama. Of course, the main character is our dear Uncle Ebele. By now, ex-American President Barack Obama must be bruising. Uncle Ebele really gave it to him. Obama, said Uncle Ebele, played a major role in the debilitating defeat, which ended his quest for a third oath of office as President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. He did not spare immediate past United Kingdom Prime Minister David Cameron and outgoing French President Francois Hollande.
Uncle Jonathan revealed the secrets that Obama, Hollande and Cameron thought he would be afraid to let out. He caught them red-handed juggling figures for now ailing President Muhammadu Buhari and doing all manners of things which led to his defeat. They thought he would not talk. Now, Uncle Ebele has spoken and Obama, Hollande and Cameron are taking cover. If I were Uncle, I would not take this lightly. Thank God, Hollande is also on his way out of power, which means all the three of them who denied Nigerians of corruption-free democracy do not enjoy any form of immunity. Once Hollande is out of power, Uncle Ebele should drag the three of them before the International Criminal Court. These guys deserve to stand trial for crimes against humanity.
By their actions and inactions, they have robbed Nigerians of Boko Haram insurgents carrying on as if they were God’s anointed; they have robbed us of the treasury being open for every Dick, Tom and Harry to have unfettered access to; they have robbed us of the theatrics and good dictions of Dame Jonathan; they have robbed us of having the special privilege of having the beautiful Diezani Allison-Madueke in government and in power; and they have denied us of the honour of having the ‘boy is good’ in power. What evil these oyinbos have done us! What is their own in our own self?
I must point out that the conspiracy against Uncle Ebele was not only international. There were local collaborators. Some of them include: ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo, ex-Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) chairman Adamu Mu’azu, Sokoto State Governor Aminu Tambuwal and Transportation Minister Rotimi Amaechi.
For these local collaborators, I will suggest Uncle Ebele drag them before the Social Media Court. Obasanjo, in particular, deserves to be thoroughly thrashed at the People’s Court. He was really mean to Uncle Ebele. Haba! He even accused Uncle Ebele and his people of turning the war against Boko Haram into an Automated Teller Machine (ATM) to take money out of the treasury. This is nothing but wicked to say about a man who fought corruption with all his heart and might and even sacked a beloved minister over infractions.
Tambuwal’s first offence was leaving the PDP. In fact, before he officially left, his spirit had left but he stayed on so as not to lose his seat but worked in the other direction. For this, will you say he did not deserve the tongue-lashing from Dame Jonathan? She gave it to him. But Mama wicked small by describing a grown up man like Tambuwal as ‘This Hausa boy’.
And Amaechi, I do not know what to say about him. Uncle Ebele said he had no problem with him but there was a disagreement between the former Rivers governor and Dame Jonathan. We all know of the fight but was that enough reason for Amaechi to work with local and international collaborators to end the ambition of the great Uncle Ebele?
Let’s come to Mu’azu, the one Tell magazine dubbed the ‘Desert Magician’. Uncle Ebele believes he is a saboteur. My problem with the ‘magician’ is that he failed to carry out a simple assignment. What is hard in abusing somebody? He was only asked to abuse Buhari and top All Progressives Congress (APC) chiefs. What is hard in twisting facts a bit to gain some political mileage? Politicians all over the world do it. Just sexe it up. Chikena! And the man carried on as if he was giving a suicide belt and asked to press the button and go to heaven afterwards. He should have taken lessons from Dame Jonathan if he had any problem carrying out the simple assignment. But instead he became a gentleman. Who told him there is a room for gentlemen in politics? Come on, man, you have got to be humanly brutal!
These three guys did unforgiveable damage to Uncle Ebele’s good intention to take Nigeria to the Eldorado. And for this, we should unleash the angry army of Jonathanians on them. All the social media space – twitter, Facebook, instragram and Youtube – should be used to reconstruct the story of their lives. We do not need to take them to the regular courts because they are bound to be found not guilty. The Social Media Court is a mob court. Just get a band of not-too-busy guys to be the prosecutors and judges and justice will be served in minutes.
When the local and international collaborators have been dealt with, Uncle Ebele needs to set in motion the process for a new narrative. This is no time to see any sense in the television commercial, which says “image is nothing; taste is everything; obey your taste”. Uncle Ebele, image is everything. There is still hope to change all the narratives out there. So, below are my pieces of advice for you.
First, at every available opportunity, keep talking about working on a book that will lay bare the facts of how you were defeated. Hammer it down our throats that Nigerians will be shocked when the book is out. Drop a hint that you have been working on it in your country home in Otuoke as being in your natural habitat brings out the best in you and makes you deliver with unbelievable speed.
Second sir, make yourself available for speaking engagements, especially outside Nigeria and do not miss the opportunity of alluding to the gang-up against you by the North and Southwest. Please always link this to minority rights. There is a good ring to matters of the underdogs, especially in Europe. Do not mind people who will accuse you of being keen on rewriting history and making all we know suddenly begin to look fictitious.
Third sir, you must fall back on political capitals. I know you have ’empowered’ a lot of people. This is pay-back time. Get them to always say good things about you, especially let them emphasise the usual line that you were largely misunderstood in government and that Nigerians would have better appreciated you if your plans had been allowed to fully take shape.
Number four sir, these men and women who owe you political debts should pay you visits regularly and when they do, ensure pictures are taken. Get these pictures circulated on social and traditional media. It is also important that activities around your country home should become frenzy. Get people to mill around more than before. The essence of this is to show that you have not been abandoned. Before you know it the narratives will begin to read like: ‘He is a man of his people’.
I must warn you sir, while you are implementing these strategies, busy-bodies — who call themselves columnists and are looking for issues to write on— will pick on you. They will write all manners of things. The best approach is to just ignore them.
My final take: Do not expect so much support from the media. Remember your belief that they collaborated with civil society organisations to paint your government in bad colours. Just be focused on what you set out to achieve and with the economy struggling, who knows we may start hearing: ‘All we are saying, give us Uncle Ebele’.
