Tag: wild

  • Getting wild and dangerous

    IT was a few minutes past midnight and Efe had just been woken from sleep. It took her so long to sleep after a very tiring day at work and now, the nasty noise from her neighbours flat has jostled her out of deep slumber. Unfortunately, that has been the trend in the past six months.

    The newly married couple in the next flat always resort to violent clashes and sometimes you wonder if the union was a product of matchmaking. Neighbours have tried to counsel them to thread the path of love and peace instead of projecting the image of emotional wrestlers competing in a do or die encounter.

    “For someone like me, their actions simply make marriage scary or should I say frustrating. Getting wild and dangerous is not something you want in your life. The odds are so many these days and life feels better when you are with a partner you understands and vice versa.

    “It is so sad that even couples who do not fight and draw the neighbourhood’s attention to what they are going through also get tired of each other company. The most important thing is to make sure that you find someone that you are compatible with, share each other goals and dreams as well as work towards making your partner fulfilled and happy at all times’, Efe informs.

    Like Efe, Temitayo is confused about going into a relationship at the moment. Reason: “ My cousin got married about a year ago and we were all so happy for her at that point. The gentleman in question was so good that we all wished we would get that kind of doting partner when we get married eventually.”

    So what went wrong you ask?” the guy changed suddenly and he began to do all the things that she never imagined he could ever do. The worse part of it all is the way he threatens, beats and blackmail the poor girl. She cant even face him because he has become a great bully, she only confided in a few friends who are still thinking of how to help her before thing fall apart”, Temitayo said.

    A lot of the misunderstandings and confusion in relationships can be checked during courtship. Unfortunately many rush through the process as well as closing their eyes to the gaps discovered in partners who they want to stick to in life forever.

    Interestingly, a lot of people often think that dating is the same thing as courtship. While dating is just a one off activity, courtship is actually a process where the parties involved check for the things they share in common and determine whether they will be able to live together as husband and wife.

    Under the protection, guidance, and blessing of parents or mentors, the couple concentrates on developing a deep friendship that could lead to marriage, as they discern their readiness for marriage, financial status as well as God’s timing for their marriage.

    Marriage experts also opines that courtship is a choice to avoid temptation and experience the blessings of purity. It is a choice to not emotionally give away your heart, piece by piece, to many others through casual dating relationships and instead to give your whole heart to your life partner.

    Because each individual, family, and set of circumstances is unique, each courtship will be unique. While those who choose courtship will hold to general guidelines for the relationship, their specific choices about when, where, and how to court may differ according to their needs and circumstances.

    If, during the courtship, one or both parties realize that marriage is not possible and they end the relationship, the courtship has not failed. On the contrary, the courtship was successful, because it gave them a better direction. If not, they would have been in turmoil and at the end of it all the marriage would fail and it its tail would be bitterness, frustration, aggression and blackmail.

    Although the termination of a courtship most likely will be painful, damage and hurt—which can lead to bitterness—can be avoided.

    The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time with a potential marriage partner. Men and women who choose to date often have no commitment to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations in the decision to date. Instead, couples usually date with the selfish goals of having fun and enjoying romantic attachments.

    In contrast, courtship is undertaken only when both parties are prepared to make a commitment to marriage. In a dating relationship, there is little if any accountability for the couple and little or no interaction with family members. The dating couple is merely attracted to one another in some way and often pursues an exclusive relationship that is independent of others’ influence or counsel. Since the boundaries of the relationship are self-determined, the couple may easily succumb to temptation and fail to consider their responsibility to honor each other in purity and genuine love.

  • Wild revenge

    When cows and rats turn man-eaters, could it be revenge for their family we eat as delicacy? As herbivorous animals, maybe not. Yet, cows and rats have become agents of gruesome death in our country. For cows, their herds would kill for their beloved to have access to water and vegetation. Any vegetation, wild or cultivated, damned the owner. The people of Benue, Taraba and Plateau states, more than others, bear the scars of this wild revenge. On another level, in Ebonyi, Nasarawa and Kogi, especially, rats revenge by urinating Lassa fever into food.

    Perhaps it is not the animals but a revenge for electing incompetent governments over the years. Laggard leaders, who allowed man’s delicacies turn man-eaters. Instead of enjoying the biblical injunction, to subdue the wild as food, out of misrule and incompetence, we allow our food to turn us to food for maggots. Without foresight to pre-empt the ongoing deadly competition for food, between cows and cow eaters, we are at the mercy of a wild revenge which has turned Nigeria into an orgy of violence.

    In Ebonyi, the rats are also avenging leadership incompetence, and their scabbard is Lassa fever. Last week, two doctors and a nurse, and of course their patients fell to this revenge. According to a source, the state government has built and handed over to the federal government, a structure for a much needed diagnostic centre. The state intervened following the lethargy of the federal government to build the structure. Now that the building is ready, the federal government should bring in the equipment to save her citizens from rats.

    The deaths in Abakaliki, Ebonyi State, could be averted or minimised if the equipment and expertise to test victims at the earliest sign of Lassa symptom are in place. To gain a proper diagnosis for a disease which is perennial in the state, a sample will have to be taken to the Specialist Hospital in Irua, Edo State, the closest centre that has the testing machine. Why the governments of Sam Egwu and Martin Elechi, didn’t invest enough in finding a permanent solution to this poverty related disease is strange.

    Again, Ebonyi’s Anyim Pius Anyim, was a top shot in the Jonathan government and yet that regime looked away while the cat nibbled away the lives of the people. No doubt, many of our officials are more interested in personal aggrandizement while in power than in saving their fellow citizens from their weaknesses. Perhaps, a revenge for our corrupt practises. Of note, wild rats remain major delicacy in rural Ebonyi, Benue, Kogi and Nassarawa states. They love the taste of wild rats, even though the rats pee into their food to kill them. A revenge for poor hygiene.

    Since the Lassa fever ravage some states every year, is it beyond the economy of the affected states to jointly find a solution to that problem? But, perhaps because the federal government unjustly claims excessive share of the available national resources for itself, many state governments rather wait for federal intervention, for a local problem. A revenge for our skewed federalism. When the federal government take taxes from companies operating in states for consumption in states, when it owns the minerals in the states, the states become mere apparition of federating units.

    But the narcissist avengers are the cows. They have eaten all the shrubs up north, and they are determined to finish off those in the middle and southern part of the country. Some even meow all the way from Central Africa. As is genuinely feared now, they are determined to eat-off our country. We may have consumed millions of cow, since God knows how long, but is that a reason to allow cows to chew the fabric of our country? Of course, we know that cows use man to avenge itself. Perhaps it a time to do a census of the cows and its owners, so we can know what we are up against.

    With government’s dereliction of duty, the census would allow us to know those vicariously responsible for the wild killings going on. After all, we have been told, by those who know, that herders will kill or recruit killers to avenge the death of any cow. They avenge a stolen or dead cow, with the lives of human beings. But the greater challenge is that the cows are now so many, and their free food getting so meagre, that unless common sense returns urgently, Nigeria may end up a cow colony. If the wild revenge continues unabated, we will end up a country of cow colonies without the cow eaters.

    I agree that the herders, many of them, now trained killers, may be accustomed to living in the bush and trekking, all their lives; but it is a lie to say they would hate a sedentary life, if it can be more rewarding. The Miyetti Allah Cattle Breeders Association, and their associates, who speak on their behalf, lie when they defend the practice of an archaic culture that brings herders and others misery. They lie to them that there is no alternative life, better than walking dangerously across the wild in search of pasture, which can be curried in an orderly comfort, for herds and herders.

    Those lying spokesmen live in cities, they send their children to school, and yet speak for those who wander across the wild. They are dishonest. Perhaps the right tactics is for the federal government to forcefully herd the herders to the taste of good sedentary life. A life of seeing their cows enjoy a richer pasture, gaining weight and more money from buyers, a life of seeing their children go to school, would be irresistible. But their lying owners, who own them and the cows, will frustrate such a move, so as not to lose the cheap labour and free pasture they enjoy.

    While the federal government must rein in the killers in Benue, Taraba and elsewhere, to stem a descent into a civil war, it has to put in place a policy to force the herders, to stop the culture of wandering in the wild, as the only source of ensuring food and water for cattle. Those who say it is an age-long practice and cannot be changed are liars. Selling others as slaves or killing twins, was a culture, albeit barbaric.

    Every culture is dynamic, and am sure some of the forbearers of our present crop of leaders, were once itinerant herders, but how many of them can survive in the wild, a day or two. Those of them who defend those living in the wild, while they enjoy city life, are frauds, and scammers. We know they own the cows and love the cheap labour and the free pasture, but it is the responsibility of government at all levels, to stop them, before they turn other Nigerians, to wild avengers.

  • Wild and weird

    Wild and weird

    It is the stark reality. Anal sex is on the rise in Nigeria.  JOKE KUJENYA, just back from a two-week interaction with a handful of people engaged in the act reports.

    In beauty, Anna Young (not real names), is an absolute bombshell. A real knockout. At 38, the lady who hails from Akwa Ibom, Uyo State, looks flawless and attractive with no wrinkles, bags or blemishes. “Sorry, don’t be deceived by my looks”, was her first comments to the reporter who, smiling, started the discourse by commending her beauty.

    “People tell me I am pretty, I look like an 18 year-old damsel; but I’m the ugliest woman on the inside if only it can be opened.”

    At a meeting which took place between the facilitator, the reporter and Anna, said to be battling with her tumultuous emotions said: “It is often better not to start something you don’t know where it is tilting or where it is going to end. Right now, I am in a war. And sadly, the war is having the upper hand. I was 27 when I first met the man (name withheld), who is now my husband. I attended a College of Education because my single-mother parent could not afford a university fee. And I was in my final year when we met. He told me upfront that I was the kind of wife material he had always wanted. At that time I was a virgin because my mother was very strict warning us her children that if any of us got pregnant out of wedlock, she would disown us. This fact, I therefore kept stressing to my fiancé, who after months into our relationship kept pestering me for sex. I even begged him to wait till we marry, since ours was meant for the altar. Then one day, he told me he had a way we could be enjoying sex without fear of pregnancy. I asked him which way and he said, he could only ‘show’ and not just tell me. So we began having anal sex and I was able to evade the scrutiny of the protestant church I attend because the result showed I was still a virgin.

    “That was the genesis of my eleven years of nightmarish marital and sexual life. After marriage, he wanted to continue, but I insisted that since we are legally married, our collective families would be looking forward to our having children of our own. He agreed and that is how we have had only one child till today. Even for me to get pregnant, he would interchangeably have regular and anal sex with me. And I have been begging my husband since then to quit the habit. Understandably, I was not able to call any of our families to come to our rescue, but he kept telling me that he enjoyed anal sex more than regular sex. In fact, each time during our ‘irregular intercourse,’ my husband acts like someone in ‘Cloud 9’. That is the way he describes it. But on my part, I am tired. I am always sad but pretend to be happy and that all is well, when I’m with people. And my husband is a terrible actor. He acts the best gentleman on the outside. But the worst part is, he does all these so that I would not be tempted to open up to anyone and to coerce me to be afraid of him. The wife of his friend is also in a similar ordeal as mine.”

    Seated in a corner and sobbing silently is a young teenager, Joanne, 18, who said: “I am afraid of losing my boyfriend. He said the only reason he would allow our relationship to continue is for me to agree to his ‘order’ that I have anal sex with him.”

    On the reverse however is Quenette, 35, who said, “I have been begging my husband to have anal sex with me and he has vehemently refused saying it is Sodomy. We are not your serious, serious Christian type. We go to church, yes, but so? She asked carelessly. I love my husband and he loves me, but yet, this is pulling us apart. I love anal sex. I used to have it with a boy back in high school, but he died some years after we left school. Now, my husband is not cooperating, saying he hates it and will never do it with me. Yet, I have very many friends who tell me how their husbands beg them to have anal sex, whereas it is they, the women who hate it. Even at that, it is different strokes for different folks, I am still hopeful that my husband would come to his senses and see that there is nothing wrong or odd in my request, especially when he too makes me do blowjobs on him to satisfy his sexual pleasure. Isn’t that one of the reasons we are a couple?” He asked the reporter.

    As far back as year 2011, Dr. Morenike T. Ukpong, Director, New Vaccine and Microbicide Advocacy Society (NHVMAS), a Lagos-based NGO, raised the awareness that not less than 12 percent of public secondary school students in Nigeria practice anal sex. She also alerted that about 12.1 percent of university students do same, while another 15.2 percent adolescents in northern Nigeria engage in the act.

    However, that information didn’t seem to register well in the psyche of Nigerians at the time. Ukpong noted that evidences show that about 14 percent of men and 10 percent of women in the general populace practised anal sex, and so, they avoid the use of condom due to erroneous belief that anal sex was safer than vagina sex. To those who engage in this act, the role of anal sex in driving the HIV epidemic away from Nigeria could no longer be ignored.”

    She added that amongst Commercial Sex Workers (CSWs), “Request for anal sex by clients of female sex workers rose with men paying higher to have anal sex for many reasons.”

    However, Ukpong cautioned back then that anal sex has 14 times higher risk form of sexual transmission of HIV infection when compared to penile-vagina sex. She said: “The probability of HIV infection transmission in penetrative anal sex is about 1.4 percent per sexual act, both in heterosexual and homosexual relationships. For women, the risk is highest as they will always be the receptor in either vagina or anal sex.”

    She then urged that there was the need to discuss more openly, the risk of anal sex in a way that talks around sex must become broader to encourage public understanding of the multiple forms of sexual practices vis-à-vis vagina, oral or anal, as well as the risk of HIV infection associated with all the forms of sex.

    Between 2011 and now, researcher say anal sex in the Nigerian population has blown up exponentially, yet, with no solid statistics to quote from.

    A leading non-governmental organisation expert, not willing to be quoted told this reporter that, “Top politicians practice it with young school girls; while some of their wives cry to us. It is also done among career people in corporate organisations, not to talk of universities, secondary schools and even among young people in primary schools. It is just that due to the ethics of our job, we cannot disclose their identities.”

    In a research conducted by NHVMAS, which Dr. Ukpong titled: Re-evaluating Values of Sexual Practices to Protect Rights on Minority Groups, it was revealed, among others, that “In Nigeria of today, anal sex has become acceptable among many people, for many reasons based on the individual choices people make. In addition, the data gathered shows that anal sex occur in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, in adolescents, youths and adults; as well as becoming prominent in both rural and urban Nigeria.

    The research further shows that anal sex is practiced by heterosexuals and homosexuals alike; by gay men, multiple-sex-partners (MSM) and lesbians. It is practiced for pleasure and to prevention conception. And this is so because those doing it, especially the men believe that it is tighter, makes them to ejaculate faster while others see it as a route to prevent Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). Some on the other hand, see it as cleaner, as they assume that fewer people engage with this ‘hole’.

    The agency said their findings also revealed that not all gay men in Nigeria practice anal sex, especially as a study conducted in 2014 showed that about 97.2 percent of MSM practice anal sex. Yet, many lesbians in the country also practice anal sex. Additionally, NHVMAS said they also found that in public schools, still, 12percent of the students, another 12.1percent of university students and about 15.2percent in-school adolescents in Northern Nigeria practice anal sex  a situation the group described as scary. The research result also stated that about 19.7percent of women in Lagos State who are in stable heterosexual relationships equally engage in anal sex.

    “These days,” said Williams, 31, a young man who called himself a Commercial Sex Worker (CSW), “sex has become an open industry. Now, you hear and see people talk about sex boldly. They jest about it. Even musicians sing about it in their records and people dance to it with no need to feel ashamed. In fact, walking along a street, you will even see people, mostly men selling sex calendars or posters. I am sure you have also been to people’s homes and seen pasted on their wall, large sex posters. Now, my point is, we have been in denial for too long. But now, we better admit the stark reality. Most of my clients, most of them married and high class women, prefer me blow them and then do the ‘hole’ with them. They could go on for hours yelling their lives out.”

    Asked about the health implications, he said, “So far, we haven’t heard any serious health problems about this. But I can tell you that it helps massage our backs.”

    Omotola, 37, is also a sex worker. She said she went into it when life became too unbearable to cope with. “However, in my years in this job, I can tell you that most Nigerians enjoy high rate of infidelity. For them, infidelity is as old as polygamy; just like women are accused of the age-old trade of prostitution. But we love to pretend a lot. That is why we have lots of deception in our society, in which men that are not satisfied with their wives on the bed come to us for that wild sex they lack at home, while women go in search of their own gigolos. For most of us in this trade, we see a lot from time-to-time. And you’re talking about people regarded as high class in the society. However, the new rave amongst us is anal sex because we have been persuaded that it is safer than regular sex.”

    Ms Paulina, a health commentator, speaking on a national TV magazine show said: “Anal sex is not only a disgrace to the Nigerian society; it is also injurious to our African cultural values and norms. It should be totally discouraged in every way. And parents must take special caution to guard their children against such evil taboo.”

    In the words of Mrs Bukola Afolabi-Ogunyeye, Founder, Morna International Children’s Foundation (MICF),  a non-governmental organisation, “As regards adults, I don’t know how rampant it is. But I can tell you affirmatively that anal sex is now more rampant among teenagers. We found, in the course of our recent sex education talks in secondary schools, that some of the teens we talked with have been asking us if it is safe in order to avoid pregnancy. We kept telling them no, but they seem unsatisfied with our answer. And to blow your mind, teenage boys told us they now prefer it because for them, it is safer. That is the horrible questions we have been faced with. And for this reason, we are currently working on an event for street children under the ‘International Day for Street Children,’ to hold on April 12th to sensitise them on child abuse awareness month among others.”

    However, speaking through a representative, NHVMAS, Dr. Toyin Ukpong, said, people working with this special group are not permitted to be judgmental in regards to their chosen way of life. “We cannot commend or condemn them. It is a matter of individual choice.  However, “based on a study we conducted, we found that among 15 to 24 years’ of age resident young persons in Nigeria, 1.9percent of them reported anal sex mainly by males all in heterosexual relationships.

    “What this means is that there is need for more public dialogue about anal sex, so we can collectively break the taboo. There is a strong need to break the stereotype about anal sex, especially as the practice seems to have been limited to MSM sexual practices. As such, more public discussions should be hosted to arrest, if possible, the growing trend.”

    According to Ukpong, this is being advocated because facts about anal sex show that many people engage in it without condom due to the erroneous impression that it is safe. And this is borne out of erroneous media impression that discusses unsafe sex within the context of vaginal sex only.

    “So, there is need for sex to be discussed within the right context of practice, such as sex could be vaginal, anal or oral. A lot of people need the knowledge that any act of unprotected anal intercourse is 10 to 20 times more likely to lead to HIV transmission; that it has the highest risk for HIV transmission as research shows that about 91.1percent of anal sexual interaction in heterosexual relationships are unprotected; and as such could result in HIV transmission, compared to an act of unprotected vaginal intercourse. In fact, how many know that unprotected anal sex has other STIs like gonorrhoea, chlamydia, candidiasis, anal wart and the likes that can all be transmitted through the ‘hole’.

    “So, we are into all these because we need to discuss about anal sex, anal health and safe anal sex practices now, before we have an epidemic of multi-linked infections that may not be easy to combat.

    The NGO, which also disclosed that it has been actively engaged with its partners, International Rectal Microbide Advocates (IRMA, Nigeria, IRMA international), AVAC and Heartland Alliance, to increase awareness about anal sex, sex and sexuality issues with healthcare workers, CSO and policy makers, said while advocacy continues to provide change of focus help for these people, there is no need to deny what is already a growing practice in Nigeria and one that is already cutting across every facet of the society. Parents also need to be aware of what their children do at every point in time.”

    In beauty, Anna Young (not real names), is an absolute bombshell. A real knockout. At 38, the lady who hails from Akwa Ibom, Uyo State, looks flawless and attractive with no wrinkles, bags or blemishes. “Sorry, don’t be deceived by my looks”, was her first comments to the reporter who, smiling, started the discourse by commending her beauty.

    “People tell me I am pretty, I look like an 18 year-old damsel; but I’m the ugliest woman on the inside if only it can be opened.”

    At a meeting which took place between the facilitator, the reporter and Anna, said to be battling with her tumultuous emotions said: “It is often better not to start something you don’t know where it is tilting or where it is going to end. Right now, I am in a war. And sadly, the war is having the upper hand. I was 27 when I first met the man (name withheld), who is now my husband. I attended a College of Education because my single-mother parent could not afford a university fee. And I was in my final year when we met. He told me upfront that I was the kind of wife material he had always wanted. At that time I was a virgin because my mother was very strict warning us her children that if any of us got pregnant out of wedlock, she would disown us. This fact, I therefore kept stressing to my fiancé, who after months into our relationship kept pestering me for sex. I even begged him to wait till we marry, since ours was meant for the altar. Then one day, he told me he had a way we could be enjoying sex without fear of pregnancy. I asked him which way and he said, he could only ‘show’ and not just tell me. So we began having anal sex and I was able to evade the scrutiny of the protestant church I attend because the result showed I was still a virgin.

    “That was the genesis of my eleven years of nightmarish marital and sexual life. After marriage, he wanted to continue, but I insisted that since we are legally married, our collective families would be looking forward to our having children of our own. He agreed and that is how we have had only one child till today. Even for me to get pregnant, he would interchangeably have regular and anal sex with me. And I have been begging my husband since then to quit the habit. Understandably, I was not able to call any of our families to come to our rescue, but he kept telling me that he enjoyed anal sex more than regular sex. In fact, each time during our ‘irregular intercourse,’ my husband acts like someone in ‘Cloud 9’. That is the way he describes it. But on my part, I am tired. I am always sad but pretend to be happy and that all is well, when I’m with people. And my husband is a terrible actor. He acts the best gentleman on the outside. But the worst part is, he does all these so that I would not be tempted to open up to anyone and to coerce me to be afraid of him. The wife of his friend is also in a similar ordeal as mine.”

    Seated in a corner and sobbing silently is a young teenager, Joanne, 18, who said: “I am afraid of losing my boyfriend. He said the only reason he would allow our relationship to continue is for me to agree to his ‘order’ that I have anal sex with him.”

    On the reverse however is Quenette, 35, who said, “I have been begging my husband to have anal sex with me and he has vehemently refused saying it is Sodomy. We are not your serious, serious Christian type. We go to church, yes, but so? She asked carelessly. I love my husband and he loves me, but yet, this is pulling us apart. I love anal sex. I used to have it with a boy back in high school, but he died some years after we left school. Now, my husband is not cooperating, saying he hates it and will never do it with me. Yet, I have very many friends who tell me how their husbands beg them to have anal sex, whereas it is they, the women who hate it. Even at that, it is different strokes for different folks, I am still hopeful that my husband would come to his senses and see that there is nothing wrong or odd in my request, especially when he too makes me do blowjobs on him to satisfy his sexual pleasure. Isn’t that one of the reasons we are a couple?” He asked the reporter.

    As far back as year 2011, Dr. Morenike T. Ukpong, Director, New Vaccine and Microbicide Advocacy Society (NHVMAS), a Lagos-based NGO, raised the awareness that not less than 12 percent of public secondary school students in Nigeria practice anal sex. She also alerted that about 12.1 percent of university students do same, while another 15.2 percent adolescents in northern Nigeria engage in the act.

    However, that information didn’t seem to register well in the psyche of Nigerians at the time. Ukpong noted that evidences show that about 14 percent of men and 10 percent of women in the general populace practised anal sex, and so, they avoid the use of condom due to erroneous belief that anal sex was safer than vagina sex. To those who engage in this act, the role of anal sex in driving the HIV epidemic away from Nigeria could no longer be ignored.”

    She added that amongst Commercial Sex Workers (CSWs), “Request for anal sex by clients of female sex workers rose with men paying higher to have anal sex for many reasons.”

    However, Ukpong cautioned back then that anal sex has 14 times higher risk form of sexual transmission of HIV infection when compared to penile-vagina sex. She said: “The probability of HIV infection transmission in penetrative anal sex is about 1.4 percent per sexual act, both in heterosexual and homosexual relationships. For women, the risk is highest as they will always be the receptor in either vagina or anal sex.”

    She then urged that there was the need to discuss more openly, the risk of anal sex in a way that talks around sex must become broader to encourage public understanding of the multiple forms of sexual practices vis-à-vis vagina, oral or anal, as well as the risk of HIV infection associated with all the forms of sex.

    Between 2011 and now, researcher say anal sex in the Nigerian population has blown up exponentially, yet, with no solid statistics to quote from.

    A leading non-governmental organisation expert, not willing to be quoted told this reporter that, “Top politicians practice it with young school girls; while some of their wives cry to us. It is also done among career people in corporate organisations, not to talk of universities, secondary schools and even among young people in primary schools. It is just that due to the ethics of our job, we cannot disclose their identities.”

    In a research conducted by NHVMAS, which Dr. Ukpong titled: Re-evaluating Values of Sexual Practices to Protect Rights on Minority Groups, it was revealed, among others, that “In Nigeria of today, anal sex has become acceptable among many people, for many reasons based on the individual choices people make. In addition, the data gathered shows that anal sex occur in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, in adolescents, youths and adults; as well as becoming prominent in both rural and urban Nigeria.

    The research further shows that anal sex is practiced by heterosexuals and homosexuals alike; by gay men, multiple-sex-partners (MSM) and lesbians. It is practiced for pleasure and to prevention conception. And this is so because those doing it, especially the men believe that it is tighter, makes them to ejaculate faster while others see it as a route to prevent Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). Some on the other hand, see it as cleaner, as they assume that fewer people engage with this ‘hole’.

    The agency said their findings also revealed that not all gay men in Nigeria practice anal sex, especially as a study conducted in 2014 showed that about 97.2 percent of MSM practice anal sex. Yet, many lesbians in the country also practice anal sex. Additionally, NHVMAS said they also found that in public schools, still, 12percent of the students, another 12.1percent of university students and about 15.2percent in-school adolescents in Northern Nigeria practice anal sex  a situation the group described as scary. The research result also stated that about 19.7percent of women in Lagos State who are in stable heterosexual relationships equally engage in anal sex.

    “These days,” said Williams, 31, a young man who called himself a Commercial Sex Worker (CSW), “sex has become an open industry. Now, you hear and see people talk about sex boldly. They jest about it. Even musicians sing about it in their records and people dance to it with no need to feel ashamed. In fact, walking along a street, you will even see people, mostly men selling sex calendars or posters. I am sure you have also been to people’s homes and seen pasted on their wall, large sex posters. Now, my point is, we have been in denial for too long. But now, we better admit the stark reality. Most of my clients, most of them married and high class women, prefer me blow them and then do the ‘hole’ with them. They could go on for hours yelling their lives out.”

    Asked about the health implications, he said, “So far, we haven’t heard any serious health problems about this. But I can tell you that it helps massage our backs.”

    Omotola, 37, is also a sex worker. She said she went into it when life became too unbearable to cope with. “However, in my years in this job, I can tell you that most Nigerians enjoy high rate of infidelity. For them, infidelity is as old as polygamy; just like women are accused of the age-old trade of prostitution. But we love to pretend a lot. That is why we have lots of deception in our society, in which men that are not satisfied with their wives on the bed come to us for that wild sex they lack at home, while women go in search of their own gigolos. For most of us in this trade, we see a lot from time-to-time. And you’re talking about people regarded as high class in the society. However, the new rave amongst us is anal sex because we have been persuaded that it is safer than regular sex.”

    Ms Paulina, a health commentator, speaking on a national TV magazine show said: “Anal sex is not only a disgrace to the Nigerian society; it is also injurious to our African cultural values and norms. It should be totally discouraged in every way. And parents must take special caution to guard their children against such evil taboo.”

    In the words of Mrs Bukola Afolabi-Ogunyeye, Founder, Morna International Children’s Foundation (MICF),  a non-governmental organisation, “As regards adults, I don’t know how rampant it is. But I can tell you affirmatively that anal sex is now more rampant among teenagers. We found, in the course of our recent sex education talks in secondary schools, that some of the teens we talked with have been asking us if it is safe in order to avoid pregnancy. We kept telling them no, but they seem unsatisfied with our answer. And to blow your mind, teenage boys told us they now prefer it because for them, it is safer. That is the horrible questions we have been faced with. And for this reason, we are currently working on an event for street children under the ‘International Day for Street Children,’ to hold on April 12th to sensitise them on child abuse awareness month among others.”

    However, speaking through a representative, NHVMAS, Dr. Toyin Ukpong, said, people working with this special group are not permitted to be judgmental in regards to their chosen way of life. “We cannot commend or condemn them. It is a matter of individual choice.  However, “based on a study we conducted, we found that among 15 to 24 years’ of age resident young persons in Nigeria, 1.9percent of them reported anal sex mainly by males all in heterosexual relationships.

    “What this means is that there is need for more public dialogue about anal sex, so we can collectively break the taboo. There is a strong need to break the stereotype about anal sex, especially as the practice seems to have been limited to MSM sexual practices. As such, more public discussions should be hosted to arrest, if possible, the growing trend.”

    According to Ukpong, this is being advocated because facts about anal sex show that many people engage in it without condom due to the erroneous impression that it is safe. And this is borne out of erroneous media impression that discusses unsafe sex within the context of vaginal sex only.

    “So, there is need for sex to be discussed within the right context of practice, such as sex could be vaginal, anal or oral. A lot of people need the knowledge that any act of unprotected anal intercourse is 10 to 20 times more likely to lead to HIV transmission; that it has the highest risk for HIV transmission as research shows that about 91.1percent of anal sexual interaction in heterosexual relationships are unprotected; and as such could result in HIV transmission, compared to an act of unprotected vaginal intercourse. In fact, how many know that unprotected anal sex has other STIs like gonorrhoea, chlamydia, candidiasis, anal wart and the likes that can all be transmitted through the ‘hole’.

    “So, we are into all these because we need to discuss about anal sex, anal health and safe anal sex practices now, before we have an epidemic of multi-linked infections that may not be easy to combat.

    The NGO, which also disclosed that it has been actively engaged with its partners, International Rectal Microbide Advocates (IRMA, Nigeria, IRMA international), AVAC and Heartland Alliance, to increase awareness about anal sex, sex and sexuality issues with healthcare workers, CSO and policy makers, said while advocacy continues to provide change of focus help for these people, there is no need to deny what is already a growing practice in Nigeria and one that is already cutting across every facet of the society. Parents also need to be aware of what their children do at every point in time.”

    In beauty, Anna Young (not real names), is an absolute bombshell. A real knockout. At 38, the lady who hails from Akwa Ibom, Uyo State, looks flawless and attractive with no wrinkles, bags or blemishes. “Sorry, don’t be deceived by my looks”, was her first comments to the reporter who, smiling, started the discourse by commending her beauty.

    “People tell me I am pretty, I look like an 18 year-old damsel; but I’m the ugliest woman on the inside if only it can be opened.”

    At a meeting which took place between the facilitator, the reporter and Anna, said to be battling with her tumultuous emotions said: “It is often better not to start something you don’t know where it is tilting or where it is going to end. Right now, I am in a war. And sadly, the war is having the upper hand. I was 27 when I first met the man (name withheld), who is now my husband. I attended a College of Education because my single-mother parent could not afford a university fee. And I was in my final year when we met. He told me upfront that I was the kind of wife material he had always wanted. At that time I was a virgin because my mother was very strict warning us her children that if any of us got pregnant out of wedlock, she would disown us. This fact, I therefore kept stressing to my fiancé, who after months into our relationship kept pestering me for sex. I even begged him to wait till we marry, since ours was meant for the altar. Then one day, he told me he had a way we could be enjoying sex without fear of pregnancy. I asked him which way and he said, he could only ‘show’ and not just tell me. So we began having anal sex and I was able to evade the scrutiny of the protestant church I attend because the result showed I was still a virgin.

    “That was the genesis of my eleven years of nightmarish marital and sexual life. After marriage, he wanted to continue, but I insisted that since we are legally married, our collective families would be looking forward to our having children of our own. He agreed and that is how we have had only one child till today. Even for me to get pregnant, he would interchangeably have regular and anal sex with me. And I have been begging my husband since then to quit the habit. Understandably, I was not able to call any of our families to come to our rescue, but he kept telling me that he enjoyed anal sex more than regular sex. In fact, each time during our ‘irregular intercourse,’ my husband acts like someone in ‘Cloud 9’. That is the way he describes it. But on my part, I am tired. I am always sad but pretend to be happy and that all is well, when I’m with people. And my husband is a terrible actor. He acts the best gentleman on the outside. But the worst part is, he does all these so that I would not be tempted to open up to anyone and to coerce me to be afraid of him. The wife of his friend is also in a similar ordeal as mine.”

    Seated in a corner and sobbing silently is a young teenager, Joanne, 18, who said: “I am afraid of losing my boyfriend. He said the only reason he would allow our relationship to continue is for me to agree to his ‘order’ that I have anal sex with him.”

    On the reverse however is Quenette, 35, who said, “I have been begging my husband to have anal sex with me and he has vehemently refused saying it is Sodomy. We are not your serious, serious Christian type. We go to church, yes, but so? She asked carelessly. I love my husband and he loves me, but yet, this is pulling us apart. I love anal sex. I used to have it with a boy back in high school, but he died some years after we left school. Now, my husband is not cooperating, saying he hates it and will never do it with me. Yet, I have very many friends who tell me how their husbands beg them to have anal sex, whereas it is they, the women who hate it. Even at that, it is different strokes for different folks, I am still hopeful that my husband would come to his senses and see that there is nothing wrong or odd in my request, especially when he too makes me do blowjobs on him to satisfy his sexual pleasure. Isn’t that one of the reasons we are a couple?” He asked the reporter.

    As far back as year 2011, Dr. Morenike T. Ukpong, Director, New Vaccine and Microbicide Advocacy Society (NHVMAS), a Lagos-based NGO, raised the awareness that not less than 12 percent of public secondary school students in Nigeria practice anal sex. She also alerted that about 12.1 percent of university students do same, while another 15.2 percent adolescents in northern Nigeria engage in the act.

    However, that information didn’t seem to register well in the psyche of Nigerians at the time. Ukpong noted that evidences show that about 14 percent of men and 10 percent of women in the general populace practised anal sex, and so, they avoid the use of condom due to erroneous belief that anal sex was safer than vagina sex. To those who engage in this act, the role of anal sex in driving the HIV epidemic away from Nigeria could no longer be ignored.”

    She added that amongst Commercial Sex Workers (CSWs), “Request for anal sex by clients of female sex workers rose with men paying higher to have anal sex for many reasons.”

    However, Ukpong cautioned back then that anal sex has 14 times higher risk form of sexual transmission of HIV infection when compared to penile-vagina sex. She said: “The probability of HIV infection transmission in penetrative anal sex is about 1.4 percent per sexual act, both in heterosexual and homosexual relationships. For women, the risk is highest as they will always be the receptor in either vagina or anal sex.”

    She then urged that there was the need to discuss more openly, the risk of anal sex in a way that talks around sex must become broader to encourage public understanding of the multiple forms of sexual practices vis-à-vis vagina, oral or anal, as well as the risk of HIV infection associated with all the forms of sex.

    Between 2011 and now, researcher say anal sex in the Nigerian population has blown up exponentially, yet, with no solid statistics to quote from.

    A leading non-governmental organisation expert, not willing to be quoted told this reporter that, “Top politicians practice it with young school girls; while some of their wives cry to us. It is also done among career people in corporate organisations, not to talk of universities, secondary schools and even among young people in primary schools. It is just that due to the ethics of our job, we cannot disclose their identities.”

    In a research conducted by NHVMAS, which Dr. Ukpong titled: Re-evaluating Values of Sexual Practices to Protect Rights on Minority Groups, it was revealed, among others, that “In Nigeria of today, anal sex has become acceptable among many people, for many reasons based on the individual choices people make. In addition, the data gathered shows that anal sex occur in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, in adolescents, youths and adults; as well as becoming prominent in both rural and urban Nigeria.

    The research further shows that anal sex is practiced by heterosexuals and homosexuals alike; by gay men, multiple-sex-partners (MSM) and lesbians. It is practiced for pleasure and to prevention conception. And this is so because those doing it, especially the men believe that it is tighter, makes them to ejaculate faster while others see it as a route to prevent Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). Some on the other hand, see it as cleaner, as they assume that fewer people engage with this ‘hole’.

    The agency said their findings also revealed that not all gay men in Nigeria practice anal sex, especially as a study conducted in 2014 showed that about 97.2 percent of MSM practice anal sex. Yet, many lesbians in the country also practice anal sex. Additionally, NHVMAS said they also found that in public schools, still, 12percent of the students, another 12.1percent of university students and about 15.2percent in-school adolescents in Northern Nigeria practice anal sex  a situation the group described as scary. The research result also stated that about 19.7percent of women in Lagos State who are in stable heterosexual relationships equally engage in anal sex.

    “These days,” said Williams, 31, a young man who called himself a Commercial Sex Worker (CSW), “sex has become an open industry. Now, you hear and see people talk about sex boldly. They jest about it. Even musicians sing about it in their records and people dance to it with no need to feel ashamed. In fact, walking along a street, you will even see people, mostly men selling sex calendars or posters. I am sure you have also been to people’s homes and seen pasted on their wall, large sex posters. Now, my point is, we have been in denial for too long. But now, we better admit the stark reality. Most of my clients, most of them married and high class women, prefer me blow them and then do the ‘hole’ with them. They could go on for hours yelling their lives out.”

    Asked about the health implications, he said, “So far, we haven’t heard any serious health problems about this. But I can tell you that it helps massage our backs.”

    Omotola, 37, is also a sex worker. She said she went into it when life became too unbearable to cope with. “However, in my years in this job, I can tell you that most Nigerians enjoy high rate of infidelity. For them, infidelity is as old as polygamy; just like women are accused of the age-old trade of prostitution. But we love to pretend a lot. That is why we have lots of deception in our society, in which men that are not satisfied with their wives on the bed come to us for that wild sex they lack at home, while women go in search of their own gigolos. For most of us in this trade, we see a lot from time-to-time. And you’re talking about people regarded as high class in the society. However, the new rave amongst us is anal sex because we have been persuaded that it is safer than regular sex.”

    Ms Paulina, a health commentator, speaking on a national TV magazine show said: “Anal sex is not only a disgrace to the Nigerian society; it is also injurious to our African cultural values and norms. It should be totally discouraged in every way. And parents must take special caution to guard their children against such evil taboo.”

    In the words of Mrs Bukola Afolabi-Ogunyeye, Founder, Morna International Children’s Foundation (MICF),  a non-governmental organisation, “As regards adults, I don’t know how rampant it is. But I can tell you affirmatively that anal sex is now more rampant among teenagers. We found, in the course of our recent sex education talks in secondary schools, that some of the teens we talked with have been asking us if it is safe in order to avoid pregnancy. We kept telling them no, but they seem unsatisfied with our answer. And to blow your mind, teenage boys told us they now prefer it because for them, it is safer. That is the horrible questions we have been faced with. And for this reason, we are currently working on an event for street children under the ‘International Day for Street Children,’ to hold on April 12th to sensitise them on child abuse awareness month among others.”

    However, speaking through a representative, NHVMAS, Dr. Toyin Ukpong, said, people working with this special group are not permitted to be judgmental in regards to their chosen way of life. “We cannot commend or condemn them. It is a matter of individual choice.  However, “based on a study we conducted, we found that among 15 to 24 years’ of age resident young persons in Nigeria, 1.9percent of them reported anal sex mainly by males all in heterosexual relationships.

    “What this means is that there is need for more public dialogue about anal sex, so we can collectively break the taboo. There is a strong need to break the stereotype about anal sex, especially as the practice seems to have been limited to MSM sexual practices. As such, more public discussions should be hosted to arrest, if possible, the growing trend.”

    According to Ukpong, this is being advocated because facts about anal sex show that many people engage in it without condom due to the erroneous impression that it is safe. And this is borne out of erroneous media impression that discusses unsafe sex within the context of vaginal sex only.

    “So, there is need for sex to be discussed within the right context of practice, such as sex could be vaginal, anal or oral. A lot of people need the knowledge that any act of unprotected anal intercourse is 10 to 20 times more likely to lead to HIV transmission; that it has the highest risk for HIV transmission as research shows that about 91.1percent of anal sexual interaction in heterosexual relationships are unprotected; and as such could result in HIV transmission, compared to an act of unprotected vaginal intercourse. In fact, how many know that unprotected anal sex has other STIs like gonorrhoea, chlamydia, candidiasis, anal wart and the likes that can all be transmitted through the ‘hole’.

    “So, we are into all these because we need to discuss about anal sex, anal health and safe anal sex practices now, before we have an epidemic of multi-linked infections that may not be easy to combat.

    The NGO, which also disclosed that it has been actively engaged with its partners, International Rectal Microbide Advocates (IRMA, Nigeria, IRMA international), AVAC and Heartland Alliance, to increase awareness about anal sex, sex and sexuality issues with healthcare workers, CSO and policy makers, said while advocacy continues to provide change of focus help for these people, there is no need to deny what is already a growing practice in Nigeria and one that is already cutting across every facet of the society. Parents also need to be aware of what their children do at every point in time.”

  • Much awaited Movie: The Interview finally released

    Much awaited Movie: The Interview finally released

  • Fans ‘wild’ for RMD in Houston

    Fans ‘wild’ for RMD in Houston

    Razzmatazz for the second edition of Nigerian run Golden Icons Awards (GIAMA) Houston, United States, began with so much ecstasy when host of the show, Ramsey Nouah landed in a helicopter. The show was said to have leveraged on the success of its debut edition to deliver other A-list thespians from Nollywood, including Richard Mofe-Damijo, Delta State Commissioner for Culture and Tourism. Niger ians in the United States had travelled from their various domains to be part of the show, which has been described by many as ‘out of Africa’.

    In recent times, it is not commonplace to have RMD attend an award ceremony organised by his countrymen, but it was gathered that there were so much positive reviews of the first edition of the show, which was hosted by actor Desmond Elliot.

    Getting RMD to attend the show didn’t also come easy. Strong indications emerged that it cost the organisers close to $10,000 in logistic, to get the actor, who was also being honoured with a lifetime achievement award, to attend. The actor, known for his class and style, was said to have flown in the First Class cabin of a Virgin Atlantic; his regular airline and stayed at Hilton Hotel. But for the seclusion and crowd control at the show, fans clamour for the actor was said to be overwhelming.

    The attention was no less for the superstar host, who arrived in grand style. Reports say the helicopter, which was originally scheduled to land on the red carpet was, due to safety and permit issues, diverted to the nearest street. From there, Nouah was said to have been escorted to the Stafford Centre in a Mercedes-Benz S-Class.

    Fans were more elated when he hit the stage with James Bond themed opening number. The star-studded event featured several highlights, including rib-cracking jokes from comedians AY, Seyi Brown and Jedi  who kept the crowd screaming for more. Other side attractions of the day were Dance performances to P-Square’s Personaly, Alingo and special music performance by the Refuges.

    Highlight of the show was the honorary award presentation to RMD and filmmaker Lancelot Oduwa Imaseun who got the honorary directing achievement award.

    Winners in the main categories of the show included Ghanaian actor Adjetey Annan who won the Best Actor for The Hunters and Ireti Doyle as Best Actress for Torn. Kunle Afolayan’s flick, Phone Swap won him the Best Director laurel while Mike Ezuruonye and Ini Edo were named ‘Best Acts’ in the male and female categories of the ‘Viewers’ Choice Award’ .

  • Wild, wild country, still

    What happens when killers and other violent criminals strike in Nigeria?

    Simple: Nigerians talk about it for a few minutes. Relatives grieve. The authorities mouth some ineffectual words. The security family promises the world. Then, everything goes quiet. We move on.

    In January, to recall a few recent incidents, Anambra people saw corpses floating on their river. In March, a police commissioner, Chinwike Asadu, was killed outside his home in Enugu. Last month, Baga popped up with a massacre of nearly 200 of its residents while their houses were burnt. Last Friday, a 92-year-old ex-minister in the Gowon era  was kidnapped. This week, scores of policemen were cut down in Nasarawa.

    I reproduce a piece I wrote entitled “Wild, wild country”. It is still a wild, wild country.

    The piece: The two killing incidents, set apart by just four days, were as horrifying as the word can be. The one took place in the night when the day’s work was done and many had retired to bed; the other happened in broad daylight. On Independence Day, in Mubi, the second biggest town in Adamawa State, and its commercial nerve, students of the Federal Polytechnic sited there were in their hostel when guns began to boom. They sounded near at first, said one student; soon the gunmen drew nearer, still shooting. Panic gripped the hostel community. Everyone hurried into their rooms and locked their doors. But the visitors were on a mission they must accomplish. They kicked the doors open, shot and killed one student after another. At the end of the operation, over 40 students, according to some accounts, lay dead. The incident threw the polytechnic community into imaginable trauma. Friends and families of the dead were left in the deepest grief. The nation was in a daze, while the entire world stood stupefied.

    That was one wild night in the Northeast of the country.

    Four days later, and down south in Aluu, where the University of Port Harcourt, Rivers State, is located, four students of the institution faced the grimmest ordeal of their lives, none of them surviving to relive it. They were stripped naked and beaten until there was no life left in them. Finally, their bodies were burnt.

    That was another wild outing.

    Some reports blamed the Mubi attack on fundamentalists, while in Aluu, residents were said to have done the job.

    Both incidents, not forgetting the killings in a Kano school within the same period, have sharpened up a whole new, horrifying angle in the country’s insecurity challenges. Schools have been attacked before, only now, there seems to be more boldness in taking on larger numbers of Nigeria’s young people secluded for the purpose of study. We must worry about the ease with which assailants invade our schools and kill young people being groomed for leadership. Our educational profile may not lift our spirits but we must worry when students are wasted. More fundamentally, we must worry when lives are wasted by people who neither have the sanction of the creator to do so nor the authority of the law of man. We must worry when mobs become accusers, prosecutors, judges and executioners in one fell swoop, as in the case of the Uniport Four, who were reportedly accused of stealing laptop computers and mobile phones.

    Reports said a crowd watched with interest, even applauding, as the four, all below 22, were tortured to death and their corpses set ablaze. What do you make of such a scene and such an act? Such brutalities attack every claim we make to civility, and rebrand us a wild, wild nation.

    Mob action or jungle justice did not start in Aluu, to be sure. All over the country, people have faced instant death at the hands of streetwalkers and bystanders, and for even the pettiest of offences. But for me, one nasty thing about such brand of justice is that the people dispensing it may be woefully unqualified for the job. Some who clobber mob victims to death may actually be thieves themselves. We can tell from the mob which was eager to slay a certain adulteress caught in the act.

    But there are weightier concerns about jungle justice. It questions the character and professionalism of the police, the outfit whose responsibility it is to sort out civil disorders. How was it that a mob tortured and killed four undergraduates, then set their corpses on fire, an operation that must have lasted hours, without the police getting any wind of it? What do you make of such police? Again, why are people better disposed to taking the law into their own hands rather than reporting their concerns to law enforcers? Why has confidence in the police waned?

    It is perhaps naive to conclude that the Aluu executioners were inspired by the assailants in Mubi simply because of the short space of time between them, but it is safe to say that unlawful killings, of which Nigeria has quite a pile, if not punished, pave the way for more of such barbaric illegalities. Heaps of files of unsolved murders are still with the police, as are bunches of reports on bloody communal and sectarian crises with government. Hope may have died out on those files being reopened or the murderers being brought to justice, and it is just this sort of profile that helps to reduce the value for life in the populace. In time, people with propensity to kill, begin to do so knowing that, as in the past, there is little or no chance of ever being caught and punished. Such scenarios make life seem worthless.

    Everyone has a role to make things better, but people in authority have a bigger responsibility. You can tell if life matters in a local council if the chairman defends one threatened resident with all his soul. It is easy to see if a state or federal government cares for its people if a small endangered community is given the best possible attention.

    We are just one wild, wild bunch.

     

    •First published October 14, 2012

  • Be wild in animal print

    Be wild in animal print

    ANIMAL print is still the in-thing with the in-crowd! Exotic animal prints of different shades, styles and patterns seem to be the new look of this season. They have magic of their own that add some sparkle to one’s look. Striking leopard prints are sexy, wild and at the same time stylish.

    They feature in all sort s of fabrics. Ankara, adire, chiffon, satin, silk cotton, velvet etc. And they are flaunted in variety of designs, as tank top, tunic top, dinner gown, boubou, nighties, corset, shirt and what have you.

    Whether used with accessories, clothes, bags, shoes, belts and what have you, look special and different in a crowd this season – go for animal print. When you feel like showing off your wild side, nothing speaks like a sexy animal print.

    Animal print do’s and don’ts

    *Be sure to keep it simple. Begin the trend with just one power piece, like a dress, handbag, blouse or scarf.

    *Stay with just one animal print. If you mix leopard with zebra, or leopard on leopard, it makes you look funny.