The president should listen to his wife’s rhetoric, no matter how fallacious because in a democracy, the gains and pains of office are shared by both.
Have you noticed that the news these days is full of reports about politicians and government officials saying things that do not make much sense? They are telling us things or having things told about them that are not fit for human consumption. They go: ‘Mr. XYZ: You have ‘taken’ billions of Naira from the State!’ And Mr. XYZ goes: ‘Oh no. I borrowed only half of that amount, and I am ready to return some of it.’
Pity yourself, dear reader, and me too if you’re minded to, who have to swallow this pigs’ muck. You will notice that there is usually nothing about you or me in the news. We don’t get into the news even when we succeed in executing that quintuple somersault that we had been practicing for years or invent a car. We don’t get into the news for not embezzling anything, for driving well, for greeting our neighbours… Oh no, no one notices when we deign to eat right. Ordinary folks like you and I only get into the news when we decide to feed on worms instead of Indomie (although I cannot tell the difference save for colour) or kill someone for Twenty Naira instead of twenty…
This sad state of affairs would have continued but for the diversion recently given us newsreaders by no less than the first family in the land, President Buhari’s family. Now, reader, we have to tread carefully because when you are dealing with issues relating to marriage, you can get beaten up. ‘`Tis perilous indeed to get between the tree and its bark,’ someone once said. You see, many are still limping for meddling, for you’re dealing not just with marriage issues but also with the art of rhetoric itself. You know what rhetoric is, don’t you? It is the art of using arguments to persuade someone that he/she does not exist.
So yes o, marriage has its own rhetoric, where the participants are forever talking and never hearing what the other says. Other people hear it for them, such as neighbours, friends and family. “Don’t you know that when you said ‘What if I even have a girlfriend outside’, what you were really saying was that you actually have a girlfriend?” Marital rhetoric itself can go something like this: ‘Honey, do you think I have grown fat?’ In reply, the man’s ‘Honey, the world is round; fat is round; fat is a good thing’ may make her burst into tears before filing for divorce. That is marital rhetoric.
In a recent interview, the president’s wife was said to have declared some things to the effect that the president did not know many of the people appointed into governmental positions. In making this assertion and much more that have already been reported or caricatured, the woman was saying things that were made plain to her husband but not to us. So naturally, his reply showed that the discourse was plainer to him than to us, something to the effect that his wife belonged in the kitchen. In short, the world was just an observer to the rhetoric typical of the marital situation. You and I are therefore not going to interfere. We will not even attempt to referee the match on who said more. We will just hold a closed-circuit TV discourse on it, but no one must tell the president.
We must first understand the background to this; I meant the first lady’s utterances, not the marriage, people. In the first place, it is common knowledge that there is a serious depletion of funds in the land right now and salaries are getting scarcer and scarcer and everyone is groaning in hunger. Unfortunately, rather than blame previous governments for their lack of foresight and failure to plan for rainy days, Nigerians prefer to heap blame on the current president who promised to bring a change to the people’s circumstances.
So, still wearing her apron I believe that the first lady came out of the kitchen, took one look at the sitting room and all the characters gathered therein, shook her head and exclaimed: Wharra mess! Heck, my husband does not know these people; how then can he trust them to bring change to the people?! I can’t even trust them to like my cooking!’
You see, the first lady’s rhetoric was pointing at the behind-the-scenes fact that indeed, the country appears to be dealing with a new government but in actual fact, there exists a set of people behind the scenes who seem to be controlling things. Those who have hijacked the government are really the ones to blame. These are the people responsible for everyone’s frustrations, anger and hunger, not her husband. That was the spirit of her submission.
In her own way, I believe the first lady was really trying to weigh in on the national discourse on the side of, well, the first man since no one else appeared to be doing it. She must have seen it as her responsibility to defend her family against external attacks, the same way the army does for the nation. What she ended up doing however was to question the man’s status on the bridge of this ship: are you ‘Captain Kirk’ or are you a visiting observer from another planet? And that’s what she said, trust me.
Naturally peeved, the first man in the land retaliated at the letter of his wife’s words. He promptly consigned her back to the kitchen. To tell the truth, when I first heard the story, I wanted to pounce on Aso Rock. Thank God I was held back for I might have ended up in Kirikiri thinking I was making for Aso Rock. Honestly though, I felt sure the president’s reply had taken women back to the pre-18th Century period when they were not even held to be human beings. I still think that’s what he meant though, so I’m still waiting for his personal assurance that he did not include me in that sweep of his hand when he told his wife, ‘get back to the kitchen!’ Believe me, that place is hot!
Anyway, in catapulting his wife back to the kitchen, the first man in the land displayed his knowledge of some behind-the-scenes facts. For instance, he said that he did not know his wife’s political party. This meant that he believed that his wife lacked the ‘knowledge-base’ to make comments on politics, particularly his brand, to be able to pass judgments on whether he was Captain Kirk or not. More importantly, since her knowledge-base is more defined by culinary activities (kitchen), social activities (sitting-room) and other activities that I don’t know – honest!- (the other room), his wife was better off honing her skills in those areas. I only wish someone would tell me what that ‘other room’ is. So, you see, our first man in the land was not telling his wife she had overstepped her bounds. He was simply trying to accentuate her area(s) of expertise. And that’s what he said, trust me.
Now, you know that the whole thing has been one big miscommunication. As I said earlier, marital rhetoric can be unpredictable because it can assume several forms. Sorry but there’s no space for that now. It is important to note though that just because women are born in the kitchen (well, everyone thinks so) does not mean that they do not have feelings or some grey matter. True, much of it may have been fried with the yams, some remnant of it still works. The remnant of the first lady’s told her something which she voiced out. The president should listen to his wife’s rhetoric, no matter how fallacious; because in a democracy, the gains and pains of office are shared by both.