With Vera Chidi-Maha
BEFORE now, we grew up believing that love was blind.
You know, I still wonder where that phrase came from. Times are criminally changing. Things are not what they used to be anymore. We are told that in the good old days, two people fell in love with each other as long as the chemistry was right between them.
They met their parents and made their intentions known regardless of whether the man owned a car, a house or fat bank account.
I am afraid to say that those days are fast gone with the wind now. They are tales in the annals of history.
Using my country home as a case study (apologies to my kinsmen), people become so materialistic that when you ask for a girl’s hand in marriage, your would-be in-laws would want to know where your car is parked. Shameful! Isn’t it?
Some ladies have started to measure their fiancés’ success with that of those big boys who are said to have ‘arrived’. It becomes so bad that some of our eligible bachelors develop cold feet in coming for our girls’ hands in marriage. Because of the huge expectations, some of our guys are either looking for ways of making money at all costs or looking elsewhere and settle for non-indigenes. The consequences and impacts on our girls are disastrous.
Our place now has ladies in their late 20s and 30s still stuck in their fathers’ homes.
The question is this: Is it right to attach finance to romance?
When you find a partner you fancy, should your falling in love and establishing a good relationship with such an individual be determined by how much he has and the kind of car he drives? Or do you just love him for love’s sake?
I have met people who met their partners while they were still trying to find their feet, and years into their marriage, they stumbled into massive wealth. I am sure we have all read some rags-to-riches stories at one point of our lives or the other?
The saying, “No romance without finance,” has greatly tainted love. Most men with money are finding it difficult to really trust girls. These days, love has really become elusive and it is really hard to recognize the real thing.
Relationship is a serious business and it shows how a man can be when you are together in marriage. It is imperative to look at yourself as an individual and focus on what matters most to you. You need to be judged according to what your heart holds dear. If you truly meet and fall in love with the man of your dreams, you know, the man that makes your heart skip a bit each time he walks into the room, will you dump him for money? “No romance without finance” is s phrase that is so popular. It shows how materialistic today’s society has become. Love is being measured in terms of money and material things. Love and money have a very close association. In fact, romance, these days, is being sold by some people.
However, this will depend on how we see romance. Do we see it as a good time leading to sexual pleasure, or do we see it as a means of exchanging our bodies for money?
Unfortunately, this is very common with some of us ladies of today. If a man is not financially able to pick a few bills, there will be no love to speak about. Has society become misguided or are we just being realistic? These are questions we must answer as individuals.
Come to think of it, have we even wondered why ladies have suddenly started to attach finance to romance? Some have argued that if you take the pains to labour with a man till he becomes financially stable, chances are that he will look for another woman thereafter. Some believe that even when the man is responsible enough to remain with you, he naturally becomes wayward simply because he feels he can afford to.
‘Romance without finance’ emanates from the need to insist on responsibility. Many young men today have put the issue of responsibility in the back seat. For some ladies to feel secure, the man must appear to take up the role of being a man and pick a few bills.
When a man does this, he will be qualified to be labelled promising with regard to life in a fair setting.
On the other hand, there are still women out there who will help put a man when he is down. Some of these women have their careers and are not looking for a man to look after them financially. What they simply want from a man is respect, trust, honesty and above all, companionship.
As millennium ladies, I think we all should strive to reach some level of independence in our lives because, really, a woman that relies heavily on a man to take care of her is not only unattractive but outright ridiculous.
Mind you, there is nothing wrong with guys pampering us a bit, as often as they can afford it, but it becomes a little crazy when the emphasis is on me, it sets the stage for a disastrous relationship.
Although I am a lady, I would never encourage any guy to stay in a relationship with a gold digger. Instead of placing too much emphasis on materialistic things to the point where they lose sight of their true identity and potential as an individual, we should focus on getting to know a guy for whom he really is.
The best thing is to look for the real thing not just the finances. However, if your goal is to be stable financially, you might have to go for what you are looking for.
Having sex for money is prostitution. If a woman is with a man on the sole basis of money, then I am sorry, she is a whore. Women should be independent; they should not depend on men for money. The days when men picked all the bills, went out hunting while the woman stayed at home, are long over.
Listen to me ladies, focus on your education, get a good job or learn a good trade. There are many options open to you. If your man chooses to pick your bills, it is fine, but it is not right to be a liability. Some men prefer us if we meet them halfway, you get?
In conclusion, here is a food for thought: Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.
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