Category: Columnists

  • Stick to your guns

    THE PUNCH headline goof of December 6 welcomes us this week: “FG blames principals over (for) poor performance at unity schools”

    Next on focus is also The PUNCH of December 3 which committed the following offences: “Lecturers dare FG, shun return to work order” News: return-to-work order

    “As the strike action lingered beyond this point….” Thinking with you: delete ‘action’!

    “…which castigated the institutions that opened their doors for lecturers for one serious business or the other (or another) during the strike.”

    SUNDAY SUN Back Page of December 1 fumbled on ASUU: “…the union sticks to its gun (guns)….”

    THISDAY, THE SATURDAY NEWSPAPER, of November 30 goofed copiously: “For a secured (secure) nation…”

    “US, EU congratulate Nigeria over (on/upon) Orhii”

    “Harnessing potentials of Calabar carnival” Travel & Leisure: ‘potential’ is non-count

    “A honour well deserve” (A full-page congratulatory advertisement for Hon. Kingsley Kuku by friends and brothers) A rewrite: An honour well deserved

    Still on THISDAY under review: “Government College, Ughelli Old Boy’s (Boys’) Association, Lagos Branch…Annual End of Year Luncheon Party” (Full-page advertisement) Keep the ship sailing: End-of-Year Luncheon

    The last three offences in The Saturday Newspaper under examination are from a full-page congratulatory advertisement for His Excellency, Mallam (Dr.) Isa Yuguda (Matawallen Bauchi), Governor of Bauchi State, by Senator Bala Abdulkadir Mohammed CON, FABS (Kauran Bauchi) Hon. Minister, FCT: “Another feather to (in) Matawallen Bauchi’s cap”

    “…the entire people of Bauchi State on occasion (on the occasion) of his installation as the….”

    “This honour is indeed an attestation of (to) your outstanding achievements….” Yet, the FCT Minister has SSA (Media), Chief Press Secretary and others in the superfluous communications team!

    Overheard: “I saw him frowning his face….” What else would he have frowned?

    National Mirror of November 28 terrorized the English language on a few occasions: “Ozekhome’s kidnappers to be charged for (with) murder, terrorism”

    “Aliyu’s last minute (last-minute) retreat, mark of insincerity—Vatsa”

    Out of the four headlines on the Politics Page of National Mirror of the edition under review, three contained ‘says’! That was sheer laziness on the part of the page planner as there were other verbs that could have been used to avoid monotony.

    Next is the views page with two improprieties: “The acquiescence of President Goodluck Jonathan’s administration for (in) a constitutional conference remains a bold decision.”

    “…Professor Ben Nwabueze has (had) recently canvassed in a well publicised (well-publicised) article that….”

    “Cases of sexual harassment, under-aged (underage) girls offering their bodies to teachers for marks and other favours….” (Editorial)Why not simply ‘prostituting for marks…’?

    Still on National Mirror: “Brazil 2014: NFF re-assures on Keshi’s future” Sport: who did NFF reassure (no hyphenation!)?

    “Police threaten to arrest monarchs over Plateau attacks” News: either arrest for attacks or arrest in connection with attacks (not ‘arrest…over’)

    The following three goofs are from NATIONAL MIRROR Back Page of the above edition: “…the recanting of voluntarily given evidences by witnesses….” The prince of Nigeria paradigm: voluntarily-given evidence—which is non-count.

    “We must start addressing the pervading (pervasive) injustice that has….”

    “…despite all manners (manner) of intimidation….” (DStv NEWS, November 27)

    National Mirror Politics Page of November21 localized the English language thrice: “CNPP publicity secretary…in a statement yesterday said it is (was) alarmed over (by/at) Obi’s penchant for ethnic card….”

    “Okoye, who one of the governorship aspirants under (on) the platform of the PDP….”

    THE NATION ON SUNDAY of November 24 comes next with some school-boy howlers: “…Jega said the commission is (was) working assiduously to deliver a credible general elections in 2015.” Delete ‘a’!

    “Govt flags off (inaugurates) construction of Zaria water supply expansion, sanitation projects”

    “The impression will be allowed to fester that Amaechi is only vocal because of his alleged personal grudges with (against) the president and his party.”

    “Export Council sensitizes stakeholders on (to) ECOWAS scheme”

    “I do a lot of jotting (jottings).”

    “…CBAAC organised series (a series) of dance-dramas and art exhibitions for children.”

    “Yorubas (Yoruba) to endow education legacy”

    From The PUNCH Front Page of November 25 comes this: “Ill health: Jonathan postpones meeting with rebel governors” Newspaper of the Year: Ill-health

    “Police arrest six over (for) inter-communal clash in Bayelsa”

    Still on National Mirror of August 22: “Imoke drums (drums up) support for Super Eagles”

    Finally from NATIONAL MIRROR Back Page of August 22: “With more than 400 reportedly killed in Cairo last week Wednesday….” All the Facts, All the Sides: last Wednesday or Wednesday, last week

    “Already, we are suffering from his double standards (standard) with regard to the war….!

    “Now that the administration appears to be at its wits (wits’) end, perhaps Mr. Jonathan may consider convening a national stakeholder’s (stakeholders’) summit….

    “…which we signed sometimes (sometime) in July.”

    “…in view of the increasing hazards that is (are) being….” (A goodwill message at Asaba 2013)

    “I want to congratulate our Guild for (on/upon) rising to the challenges….”

    Still from the editors’ conference: “…Nigerian media is freer than any other media in (on) the continent….”

    “For enquires (sic) call….” (NTA Channel 35) Showing the light: For enquiries, call….

    Instead of ‘flash’, use ‘bleep’ or ‘beep’ to let someone know you want them to telephone you. (From Kola Danisa/07068074257)

    From the Front Page of THE NATION of August 20 comes this entry: “N699b went to banks as interest on borrowed loans in 2012 alone.” Is there any loan that is not borrowed? (Contributed by Stanley Nduagu/08062925996)

  • Now, the lion sleeps tonight……

    And whilst we are still on the subject of great men and exceptional nations, it is meet to report that arguably the greatest human soul of the last hundred years and one of the noblest human beings of all time passed on late on Thursday. Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, a.k.a Madiba, has joined his great ancestors. It was the most publicly enacted passing of a world-historic personage since recorded history began.

    From all corners of the human globe, the outpouring of grief has been unprecedented. The world woke up a much poorer place on Friday, but humanity has been greatly enriched by the glorious and profoundly symbolic example of one exceptional individual. Mandela was the warrior who chose not to fight; and the conqueror that chose not to exact vengeance and retribution. When shall we see the like of this man again?

    There was always something regal about Nelson Mandela. Even in dire captivity, he looked and acted like a king in waiting. Born into minor royalty, Mandela ruled South Africa like a major royalty. A lion does not need to proclaim its leonine nature. Even in languid repose, mere looking at the lion is enough disincentive. The truly powerful do not need to throw their power around. This is the preserve of brutes and thugs who force their way into reckoning.

    While we are still celebrating the passage of Mandela to immortality, Snooper has one request to make of the South African authorities. They should make Mariam Makeba’s great song, the lion sleeps tonight… the theme and motif of Mandela’s funeral. Oh, the great African lion sleeps tonight…..God bless you, and goodnight Nelson.

  • Excerpts from An Afternoon with the crocodile

    You are a foolish man. The second name of history is horror. Everybody has been enslaving everyone else since the dawn of history. The Romans did it, there was no problem. Then the British, and then the Americans and even the Zulus here. It was when it was our turn that the idiots started talking about human rights. How I hate the Yankees and the perfidious Albions !”, the old man lamented.

    “You should still have gone to the Truth and Reconciliation Tribunal”, Snooper noted.

    “I am not a bloody hypocrite. The truth is there was nothing to reconcile. And to tell you the real truth I can’t bear the smell of those hotties,” the crocodile snarled.

    “You should have been guided by the noble example of Mandela who suffered so grievously but was willing to forget and forgive” Snooper observed.

    “I am not Nelson Mandela. Mandela was trained to be a king. I was brought up to do a job. Actually, I like Nelson a lot. The Blackman has a great capacity to forgive. My theory of history is this. Let the ruthless Whiteman build the infrastructure and let the Blackman come and rule with his compassion, his justice and sense of fairness. That is the miracle you are witnessing”, the old man noted as his harsh features softened.

    “Mr Botha, how can the rest of Africa catch up with South Africa?”, Snooper inquired.

    “You are a bloody moegoe ( Afrikaans for idiot). I have just told you. Try Bot”, the crocodile answered with a fiendish giggle.

    “Bot? Mr Botha? Oh no, not you again!!” Snooper screamed.

    “Idiot, I mean B.O.T, which is build, operate and transfer after 500 years!!”

  • Corruption: One more reason Jonathan must not be re-elected

    Corruption: One more reason Jonathan must not be re-elected

    Mr. President has gone on a self-congratulatory tour, regarding how negligible corruption is in Nigeria

    I am completely disillusioned being the citizen of a country permanently in the league of failed countries like Afghanistan, Syria and Somalia, whenever the topic of discussion is corruption. It pains to the marrows to wake up each morning remembering you are a member of a country where the entire leadership of the ruling party celebrates each time an election has been successfully rigged as in the shambolic Anambra elections. These facts must have accounted for a presidential ultra loyalist like Asari Dokubo to , this past week, flagellate the president, claiming that he surrounds himself with incompetent and corrupt persons. Speaking further he was quoted as saying: ‘“We mainly speak out on issues that are very critical to the survival of the people of the South-South and the South-East. Jonathan is surrounded by very greedy people who are only in the Presidency to enrich themselves ’.And quoting voraciously from Ijaw proverbs, Dokubo could not hold back from pointedly saying: ‘“Everyday people die on the East-West Road. If Orubebe is incompetent as he has shown himself to be, he should be removed. Nobody voted for Orubebe’. Orubebe, the Niger-Delta minister is a man only a mere breath away from the President Jonathan.

    Dokubo most probably spoke without an inkling of Transparency International’s latest report on Nigeria which is ranked 124th most corrupt country among the less than 170 studied. In my article: ‘Mr President When Is Corruption In Nigeria Enough?’ which appeared on this page on 26, May 2013, I wrote as follows: ‘You will not but pity Nigeria, and ordinary Nigerians when you read that the country ranks with the likes of Nepal, Azerbaijan, and Pakistan on the global corruption perception index. That was as at the Transparency International’s last report in December, 2012 which could actually be far worse now when you factor in the humongous oil subsidy and pension rackets. For moving up a measly 4 places on the T.I’s list, scoring 27 out of a possible 100, presidency officials are out on a binge gloating; attributing that miracle to President Jonathan’s muscular anti- corruption efforts even when the world knows much better. The entire world now daily reads us like a book. In spite of the fact that there is no more hiding place, Mr President has gone on a self-congratulatory tour, regarding how negligible corruption is in Nigeria. He has even told the U.S to mind her many problems and stop getting unnecessarily exuberant about corruption in Nigeria.

    If Mr President cannot be persuaded to see Alamiesiagha, a fellow Ijaw’s state pardon, as a corruption of the process, then let us quickly remind him of other acts of putrefaction which have no other name besides corruption. Indeed, it needs be mentioned that Alamiesiagha’s pardon was so badly received by the outside world that the U.S could not hold back from issuing a statement to the following effect: ‘The US views this development as a setback for the fight against corruption, and also for our ability to play the strong role we’ve played in supporting rule of law and legal institution-building in Nigeria, which is very important for the future of the country’. Earlier in this presidential blitzkrieg he had said that “corruption is not the cause of our problems, claiming that Nigeria has more institutions that fight corruption. ‘Most of the issues we talk about, said the President, are not corruption. If we do things properly, if we change our attitude of doing things, most of the things we think are caused by corruption are not’. This is precisely what Nigerians are saying, Mr President. Change your compromising attitude to corruption, banish impunity, follow the due process and allow the anti-corruption agencies, the police and the courts do their work without interference’.

    Now, a mere seven months on, things are far worse as eloquently attested to by the Transparency International’s latest report.

    For elucidation, I shall skip the putrefying allegations against Stella Oduah, his Minister of Aviation, who is already back in business, inspecting airports and promising a billion jobs. I will choose, instead, to quote, mutatis mutandis, from Mohammed Haruna’s, article in The Nation of Wednesday, December 4, 2013. Deprecating the arrest of two sons of Governor Lamido of Jigawa by the EFCC for money laundering but which the author attributes more to political witch hunt, he cited the following examples of how President Jonathan protects, and encourages corruption in Nigeria.

    Wrote Haruna: ‘Easily the most glaring of such cases is that of Malabu Oil and Gas, reportedly controlled by a Chief Dan Etete, a former Oil minister under General Abacha who was previously convicted in France. According to newspapers like The Economist (June 15) of London, two years ago, a consortium of Shell and Eni/Elf which had controversial stakes in the oil well, OPL 245, paid nearly $1.1 billion to Malabu, reportedly on orders of the president, as settlement of the ownership dispute of the lucrative oil well. According to Premium Times (September 30), an investigative online newspaper, the former minister, in turn shared the money paid to his company into several dubious accounts, some of them owned by close political associates of the president’s.

    Clearly this payment (of N184 Billion, under the direction of a government which cannot adequately fund tertiary education), and which the Minister of Justice and Attorney General of the Federation, Mohammed Bello Adoke, tried to rationalise away during a public hearing of a House committee investigating the deal, as voluntary with government acting only as a “facilitator”, reeked to high heavens of the worst form of cronyism’, another name for corruption.

    ‘Second, he continued, was an earlier case of the president versus Spynet Magazine which in its maiden edition in August 2007, accused him of perjury in declaring his assets and liabilities during his tenure as deputy governor and governor of Bayelsa, and eventually as vice-president under Umaru Musa Yar’Adua, as demanded by the Constitution. Days after the publication its premises were ransacked by the State Security Services and its editors detained. To date nothing more has been heard of the case. Not even after the president angrily told Nigerians he doesn’t “give a damn” about whatever Nigerians thought of his refusal to publicly declare his assets as President’.

    Finally, concluded Haruna, ‘ is the paradox of a worsening insecurity in the land, especially from Boko Haram insurgency, despite the huge budgetary allocations to our security forces since 2009. One glaring illustration of this, wrote Haruna, is the fact that the Army Chief, Lt-General Azubuike Ihejirika, has lately been complaining of an under armed and under equipped military confronting a rag tag Boko Haram’.

    Nigerians are now fully satiated with stories of oil subsidy, pension, budget crude price benchmark bribes, and the lot, that they no longer mean a thing except that the Jonathan government continues to negatively serve the country as EFCC no longer diligently follow up on these crimes and where it does, at all, it comes up with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. In any decent country, increasing corruption should naturally send the government packing. Come the next elections Nigerians must do likewise.

    LAST WORD

    The above article was written long before I got to read about the following senseless and totally irrational statements allegedly made by two men who were integral to the ruination of Nigeria: Alhaji Lawal Kaita, quoted as saying:”a northerner must emerge President in 2015 or we will divide” and, the ever repulsive Dr Junaid Mohammed who was reported as saying: “there will be bloodshed if Jonathan runs in 2015”.

    Who exactly do these people think they are; Nigerian overlords? Rotational presidency may be equitable. But this level of arrogance?

  • Unitary police system: beyond first-line charge

    Unitary police system: beyond first-line charge

    Putting the Nigeria Police Force on a first-line charge may in fact lead to creation of another fiefdom for those in charge

    Nigeria is one country where money or guaranteed access to funds is believed to be the be all and end all of all problems. Since the oil boom in the country, rulers of the country have been throwing money at problems without necessarily obtaining value for the money expended. We threw money at states and local governments from the federation account fuelled by petro-dollars, yet most states and local governments have to lose their citizens to Lagos, even thirty years after they were created. The belief that money can solve all problems in Nigeria is being propagated at the national assembly, which is currently about to amend the constitution to allow a first-line charge for security agencies including the Nigeria Police Force. The failure to secure the state, particularly by the Nigeria Police is caused, not as much by the source and timing of its funding as it is by the over centralisation of policing in what ideally and realistically should be a federal system.

    The National Security Adviser’s assertion that the nation’s security challenges would be better met if security personnel are enabled to do their job more effectively is, without doubtful, insightful. What can enable security personnel to do their job more effectively is much more than whether the funding of security agencies is from first-line charge or not. For example, that the president’s fleet was almost grounded in France three months ago until three million euros was paid to the French authorities says more about a national culture that condones inefficiency than the type of budget allocation. After all, the presidency is more or less on first-line charge. How come nobody in the presidency was able to anticipate the embarrassing problem that came up in France? What is significant is to get a constitution that is de-militarised and that recognises the need to move the architecture of the nation’s security away from the legacy left behind by decades of military autocracy. There is no security agency that manifests the problem of bad structure that leads to bad performance more than the Nigeria Police Force.

    It should not be surprising that efforts to police Nigeria, a federal country as if it is a unitary system has for decades led to under-securing the nation. Putting the Nigeria Police Force on a first-line charge may in fact lead to creation of another fiefdom for those in charge. It is the concentration of law enforcement powers in the hands of those who control the central government that has created all sorts of aberration being experienced on the nation’s security landscape. Legislators and governors in states who are empowered by the 1999 Constitution to make and sign laws are, ironically, prevented by the same constitution from enforcing such laws. In effect, such legislators and governors are also prevented from protecting themselves; they are left to the whims of managers of executive power at the centre.

    Leaving the protection of governors and their citizens in the hands of forces that are answerable only to the central government in a federal state-nation makes it possible for police officers to withdraw security aides of governors and state legislators as and when such officers are instructed to do so or feel duty-bound to do so. Any surprise that seven governors meeting in Abuja, the capital for all citizens of the country, found out that governors duly elected by their citizens could be stopped from meeting, all in the name of national security and unity? Any system that separates the respect for its part from the respect for its whole cannot but have problems performing effectively. Citizens of states whose governors and legislators are dispersed or prevented from meeting as and when they choose cannot but feel alienated from security agencies whose loyalty is only to the central executive in a federal system.

    There is no country in the world that is secured solely by its security personnel. All properly secured countries are secured jointly by security personnel and loyal or patriotic citizens. But loyalty or patriotism in a federal system derives from respect from the centre representing the whole for all the parts that constitute the whole. In any federal system that derives its legitimacy from shared sovereignty, governance at all levels, including security is also shared. Where this does not exist, as it has been in Nigeria since 1966, citizens are encouraged to feel alienated and isolated, and unprotected.

    More than the speed with which funds reach security agencies, it is the architecture of security in a federal system that needs to be re-examined by members of the national assembly. The current system of securing the country, particularly its law enforcement system is too distant from citizens for effective security. For example, central police officers are culturally distant from the citizens they protect. Although the official language of the Nigeria Police Force is English,the de facto language of the Nigeria Police Force is pidgin, a language that is not spoken by majority of the country’s citizens. This is at a time that most federal countries provide special sensitivity training for law enforcement officers to respond in a culturally correct manner to citizens. Even in communities with sizable immigrant communities, such as the United States or Canada, police officers are selected from pools of citizens who are familiar with the language in which such communities carry their cultures. This is despite the fact that the United States is largely a territorial, rather than an ethnic, federal system. Respect for cultural peculiarities exist in other territorial federal systems, such as the United Arab Emirates.

    In ethnic federal systems, such as Switzerland, Belgium, and South Africa, security officers are mandated to demonstrate adequate cultural understanding of the citizens and communities they are hired to protect. Decentralising the security system, especially the police system deserves more immediate attention than looking for first-line charge source of funding. Once the structure is deficient, no amount of funds can provide proper and effective security. Even now when some governors have to provide additional funding for the central police, such governors cannot be sure that their security is guaranteed by the police they partly fund on behalf of the all-powerful centre. In a federal system, a benevolent structure is always better than a benevolent leader that may or not appear for decades, depending on the value systems under which citizens who later aspire to be leaders are raised.

  • When is a civil war?

    When is a civil war?

    The International Criminal Court (ICC) recently declared clashes between the Nigerian military and Boko Haram as a civil war.

    Not surprisingly, supervising Minister of Defence, Labaran Maku, says the conflict is not a civil but a war on terror. He justified his position this way: “When the terrorists attacked the United States in September 11, 2001, it wasn’t declared a civil war; it was an attack on a peaceful country by a group of terrorists for mainly evil objectives.”

    Truly, there’s no agreement among experts as to what constitutes a civil war. There is, however, one thing on which Maku and the ICC agree: Nigeria is at war – whether of the civil or terrorist variety. Irrespective of the tag wars involve destruction of lives and property and uncommon expense.

    By classifying the ongoing conflict as only a “war on terror” is the minister suggesting that this kind of confrontation is somehow of lesser gravity?

    Unlike what happened on 9/11, al-Qaeda had no intention to seize and hold territory. Their plan was not to topple the United States government and take over. That is unlike Boko Haram that has never hidden its intention to take over the whole of northern Nigeria and set up an Islamic republic in the manner of the Islamists in northern Mali.

    I came across two dictionary definitions of civil war that I liked. Wikipedia says “a civil war is a war between organised groups within the same nation state or republic.” Another explanation describes it as “a war between citizens of the same country.”

    I like things kept simple. Maku and the army may think they are only fighting terrorists, but Boko Haram who claim to be prosecuting a jihad would not define themselves that way. They are also intent on toppling the government of the day using the North-East as the launch pad for their insurrection.

    It has also the makings of a civil war. The recent attack on the Maiduguri military formations in which the sect rolled into town in a column of pick-up vans underlines the scope of their ambition.

    For as long as the government and military continue to see the Boko Haram conflict as some little firefight, the nation would continue to face the kind of embarrassment it was exposed to in Borno State last week. Remember that when the Nigeria-Biafra civil war began, the Federal authorities spoke of a “police action” to quickly bring the rebels to heel. Three years later the war was still raging.

  • The widow’s millions!

    How on earth can one justify a two million naira apology? 

    It used to be called the widow’s mite; now, we can talk of the widow’s millions! Yes, dear reader, mother luck actually smiled and placed a rose into the sooty hands of a poor widow in Edo State, Nigeria, in a way that one can describe as ‘Only in Nigeria!’ For being insouciant towards the law, I say, this poor widow went home with a handsome sum of two million naira, a job, and the memory of tea with the governor! Tell me, what do you call this kind of luck? Rascally, that’s what!

    Now, let’s get this story straight because I am so indignant my thoughts are liable, nay threatening, to run ahead of me right into next year. As I understand it, the governor of Edo State, Mr. Adams Oshiomole, had been trying his very best to transform the entire state, particularly the horrible roads, into something closely resembling paradise here on earth. And I said, ‘Good man; bless you for trying’. Indeed, I not too long ago passed through Benin and was astounded by the many canyons on the roads that threatened to swallow my vehicle. As I heard it, many people before him did not deign to lift a finger in the direction of the roads. Oh, they lifted their fingers all right, but I will not say where for fear of offending the dainty ears of my readers. Anyway, from reports reaching us in this corner of the country, the man Oshiomole was doing quite well until a certain widow, Mrs. Joy Ifije, entered into the picture.

    Any interaction with members of a disadvantaged group is always fraught with danger, a little like walking on eggshells and even more like holding dynamites in one hand while holding a lit cigar in the other. You are bound to come away with egg on your face. That’s right, the word is angry sensitivity; for such people are forever trying to foist their failures on others. For example, have you ever held a conversation with a working woman on why she appears to have suddenly gained weight? If you are not wary, dear sir, you will be treated to a treatise on how members of her fair sex have been hewers of wood and beasts of sooooo much burden for centuries until your ears ache. Talk indeed, of the unfair sex. Now, how was Governor Oshiomole to know all this when the poor man did not study group behaviour or even English?

          Anyway, to cut a long story short, the poor man fell right into the hands (no, not arms, silly) of this widow, Mrs. Ifije, who had displayed her wares right on the kerb of the main road in defiance of the law and in anger at her fate. Two things strike one here. The first is that this behaviour is so typical of Nigerians that I still wonder that we have any roads to walk in this country. Actually, I have come to the conclusion that there is no group in this country with a greater disregard for the law than the low-income group made up of petty traders, artisans, etc. Collectively, they all appear to have adopted the philosophy that where poverty prompts an action, the law must yield its arms. So, the hapless driver or pedestrian must battle to put feet gingerly between wares that have taken over roads. Once, a vulcanizer graciously permitted me to park my car in front of his shed ‘for a few minutes only’. I looked up and down, just to assure myself that I was really parking my car along the town’s only main road provided by the government. Satisfied, I apologised and told him that I did not know he owned the road. Obviously, there is the law, and there is… Now, where is Sunny Okosuns to tell us who exactly owns the road?

          The second thing is the ambivalent attitude of the law itself towards the low-income group. Nigeria is considered one of the most lawless countries in the world because the people as a group seem to have adopted this attitude of indifference towards rules and regulations. For the most part, the law condemns the attitude but does nothing to punish the offenders. This is why there is no fear in the land. So, traders take over streets and policemen walk by or walk home with freebees. No one talks. No one, that is, until Gov. Fashola in Lagos who managed to keep his mouth shut while talking, and now Gov. Oshiomole, who could not keep his mouth shut for very indignation. Up to that point, I had been with him.

    Gov. Oshiomole lost me, however, not because he could not keep his mouth shut (no, I certainly do not support the ‘Go and die’ tirade) but because his apologies were too effusive. I do not understand how on earth one can justify a TWO MILLION NAIRA APOLOGY without having gone through a law court. Actually, I have several objections to that very expensive apology. First, where does that gift of two million Naira come from? I am sure the good people of Edo State are very well disposed towards their governor. I would be too if I lived there. I am also sure that the governor is a genuine leader at heart. However, I do not think that gives him the licence to apologise to people with the state’s funds. It is not an argument to say that all the money belongs to the people after all; that is only an apologia that implicates helplessness. It is the people’s money but it is for building the state not for funding apologies.

    My other objection concerns Gov. Oshiomole’s logic. After giving the widow a monetary offer, he went further by giving her employment to go and ‘fight’ (other widows?) against trading on the streets. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. Here was a woman who had nothing in the world save her children, and suddenly, because of what someone has tagged the ‘Go and Die Encounter’, she found herself a millionaire and you are now asking her to go out and fight what made her rich. I would not. I mean, how can anyone expect me to attack even in the mildest form that very thing designed to take me out of poverty? That is one madness to which people will not listen.

    That’s another thing: who exactly is expected to listen to her – other widows hoping for their own ‘Go and Die’ encounter? If I were any one of such widows, I would not take kindly to an encounter with Mrs Ifije. I would look her up and down in a typical fish-woman fashion, beg her to please leave me alone and not stand in the way of my own ‘Go and Die’ encounter. Who knows the next person to pass by, insult me in indignation and turn round to apologise handsomely? I would therefore turn my back on Mrs. Ifije.

    Then, how is the poor widow to now begin to cope with the hordes of relatives who will now besiege her hitherto poor home in a renewal of avowed long-stemmed relationship? It’s the kind that starts with ‘don’t you remember, I am your long lost, great-great-great-grand-father’s long lost cousin seven times removed.’ Now, how can anyone forget something as simple as that?

    However, it is possible to get it right. In the course of providing governance, toes will be stepped on, but care should be taken that wrong signals are not sent out. Governors can sympathise, empathise, have fellow-feelings with and towards us the citizens, but let a reprimand be a reprimand. Otherwise, we just may find that gestures such as Gov. Oshiomole’s can easily be counter-productive. For instance, what lesson is Mrs. Ifije to learn but that crime pays in millions?

  • Keeping Tukur posted

    Keeping Tukur posted

    National chairman of the Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) is turning out to be a master at verbal ping-pong. The target of ferocious attacks by a slew of politics foes, he’s becoming increasingly adept at replying cutting soundbites with witty repartee.

    The other day, Jigawa State Governor, Sule Lamido, called him a “polio virus” in the PDP, only for Tukur to respond that he was “a necessary virus!”

    Knowing the destructive effect of viral infections it is no surprise that his actions contributed in part to the party losing five state governors in one fell swoop – without a single vote being cast.

    It must have happened while Tukur was dozing. The man announced a few days ago that he was unaware the five governors had defected to the All Progressives Congress (APC). Perhaps someone should send him one of those ‘Wish you were here’ postcards!

  • Writing, as if life itself depended on it (2)

    Writing, as if life itself depended on it (2)

    [For Festus Iyayi: radical humanist; writer; neorealist artificer]

    What is the decisive shift that occurred in Iyayi’s writings in the 1990s? Can one even talk of a “shift” in a corpus that is comparatively “slim”, comprising, as it does, only four published works of fiction? My response to these two questions is, of course, affirmative: yes, there is a very discernible shift in Iyayi’s writings; and yes, one can validly talk of shifts even within two, not to say four, works of an author – as long as such shifts are so apparent, so decisive as not to even remotely seem to be the factitious projection of the critic’s own fantasies or delusions.

    The most apparent, the most undeniable shift in Iyayi’s writings is the one between, on the one hand, the first three published works of the late 70s and 80s, Violence (1979), The Contract (1982) and Heroes (1986) and, on the other hand, Awaiting Court Martial (1996). The most discernible change is formal or generic: the first three titles are works of full-blown novelistic fiction while Awaiting Court Martial is a collection of fifteen short stories only one of which, “Jegede’s Madness”, has the length and the narrative scope to qualify as a novella. It is of course possible that the ten years between the publication of Heroes and Awaiting Court Martial might not really amount to a genuine temporal hiatus since some of the stories collected in the latter could very well have been written either before the publication of the former or contemporaneously with it. But there are clear indications that with the move from the novel to the short story something very decisive, very fundamental has taken place in Iyayi’s writings. Indeed, it is on account of this very fact that I gave this essay its title: writing, as if life itself depended on it. For this title is far more appropriate, far more germane to the kind of writing that we confront in Awaiting Court Martial than what we see of literary art in the preceding three works of fiction, even though there are intimations of this kind of writing here and there in the previous works.

    This observation has a rather intriguing aspect that we ought to highlight here: if Iyayi is unquestionably so much at his very best as a writer in the collection of short stories, what is even more enigmatic is the fact that in Awaiting Court Martial we encounter a form of radical writing that is not easy to categorize, a mode of storytelling that inscribes literary radicalism far more complexly than anything we find in the three novels. Let me expatiate on this crucial claim by starting, first, with some incontrovertible differences in themes, style and narrative technique between these two phases of Iyayi’s writings before moving to more substantive points of theoretical and ideological import that I shall subsume under the rubrics of social realism and neorealism.

    The plots, the characters and the themes of the first three novels characteristically revolve around the struggles of protagonists against an oppressive, neocolonial social order that is unspeakable in its barbarity, ferocity and mediocrity. In Violence, this takes the form of an unrelenting struggle of Idemudia, the protagonist, to get a better sense of the corrosive effects of this barbaric social order on both his dire social circumstances and on his inner life, especially as this is excruciatingly played out in tortured and uneasy relations with his wife, Adisa, and with his co-workers. In The Contract, this oppressive social order seems infinitely more entrenched, more impregnable, so much so that the protagonist, Ogie Obala, decides that the best thing to do is to find out how best to compromise with it on his own terms so as not to be eaten up and destroyed by it. And in Heroes, with graphic, terrifying accounts of atrocities on both sides of the Nigerian civil war as its searing backdrop, the protagonist, Osime Iyere, is in a world even more horrific in its dehumanizing and brutalizing acts and effects than what we had encountered in the two previous novels. For this reason, Osime Iyere finds that he must do something that neither of the protagonists of the two previous novels have had to do and that is completely and existentially unlearn virtually everything he had always thought and taken for granted – about his country, his neighbors, the combatant forces in the civil war and their conflicting claims and, above all else, himself.

    In all three novels, Iyayi writes so powerfully and so truthfully about the Nigerian neocolonial version of what Hannah Arendt has famously called the banality of evil that it is no exaggeration to state that the sheer vigor and eloquence of the testamentary quality of his writing in these three novels is almost without equal in postcolonial Nigerian literature. In all, I have read these three novels several times and each single act of reading finds me in the profoundly disquieting stance of being compelled to actually like the novelistic depiction of an order of existence in our country about which there are almost no redeeming things to write about. In such moments when I have been either reading or rereading Violence, The Contract and Heroes, I have had to remind myself that I also liked Dante’s literary depiction of purgatory in Inferno; the difference of course is that the “inferno” so memorably rendered in Iyayi’s three novels is one that we are living in, the one that continues to haunt us at the present moment when this essay is being written.

    The strength, the quality of the writing in these three novels thus rests a lot on evocations of place, context and environment that are external to the inner lives, the inner struggles of the protagonists. But not exclusively so, for at the same time that he invests so much narrative space and skill to the depiction of external forces impacting on his protagonists, Iyayi manages to get deep under the emotional and psychic skin of these characters. In graphic terms, the characters literally and figuratively have their backs against the wall of material and psychological survival, whether in the jungle of the commoditized public sphere of endlessly crooked business deals or the emotional wildernesses of marital or erotic private spaces in which spouses and lovers find that the “enemy” is as much within as it is outside in corrupt public officials and their repressive political misrule. Indeed, with the possible exception of Soyinka, no radical Nigerian writer has explored so powerfully this interior psychic and moral space of the “enemy within” in his protagonists.

    I must of course not fail to note here that occasionally this exploration by Iyayi of psychic and moral self-division within his characters is handled rather awkwardly in a formulaic manner in which “voices” representing either “good” or “evil”, rectitude or cynicism battle for the soul of the protagonists. But side by side with these instances of predictable and “convenient” narrative crutches, there are innumerable instances in which, through either dialogue or extended ruminative authorial description, Iyayi stands tall and ramrod straight as a writer as he confidently and masterfully deploys fresh, probing and often mesmerizing prose to do the work of laying bare the inner moral and psychological torments or, as the case may be, victories of his characters. And to his great credit, Iyayi confers this particular narrative “privilege” as much on the “heroes” as on the “villains”, as much on the workers and the oppressed as on the exploiters and their cronies and hirelings, especially in the first two of the three novels, Violence and The Contract.

    So much then for what we encounter by way of characters, plot and narrative style in Iyayi’s three novels of the Seventies and Eighties, all pointing to a radical, committed writer who very deliberately if also often memorably bends the art and craft of fiction to openly avowed ideological and political purposes. The term “social realism” has been applied to these three novels; some critics have even been more specific and have mentioned the more ideologically loaded label of “socialist realism”. There is no denying the appropriateness of these terms to Iyayi’s writing in these novels. But then, there are socialist realists and there are socialist realists. The label, the badge does not automatically confer significance on the writer; significance has to be earned and Iyayi consistently gives proof in his novels that he has earned it. He is definitely one of the most successful socialist realists in contemporary Nigerian writing and one of the important exemplars of the “school” in postcolonial African writing. But more on this point later in this tribute.

    With regard to the book of short fiction, Awaiting Court Martial, we are in an entirely different literary, artistic universe than the worlds of the three novels. Perhaps the most compelling proof of this is that no critic or scholar can “accuse” Iyayi of either “social realism” or “socialist realism” in this collection of short stories. There are some very obvious, very easily perceived indications of this shift, but so are there much more subtle factors that require critical vigilance and “readerly” sensitivity to nuances of language and style to discern them. Let us take the more obvious factors first, on the condition that we will then subject their “obviousness” to radical, deconstructive critique.

    In Awaiting Court Martial, there are absolutely no characters like Idemudia and Adisa (Violence), Ogie Obala, Rose Idebale and Eunice Agbon (The Contract) and Osime Iyere (Heroes), characters who struggle mightily to come to grips with the crushing weight of the oppression, exploitation and corruption in the land and in their lives. Of the fifteen stories in the collection, only four – the title story, “Awaiting Court Martial”, “Saira”, “Extracts from the Testimony”, and “When They Came for Akika Lamidi” – have characters or themes that entail the depiction of struggles against oppression in its myriad forms and expressions. But in none of these stories are we close to what we encounter in the three novels and the clearest sign of this is the telling fact that in each of these four stories in Awaiting Court Martial, the struggle is utterly defeated. Moreover – and this point is crucial – in the eleven other stories in the collection, the struggles, the conflicts have far less to do with socio-economic or socio-political issues than with confrontations that could more appropriately be described as existential, woven as they are around the dilemma or the anguish of how to live or die well in a world in which deceit, bad faith, cynicism and rampant indifference to human suffering are the reigning values that determine and shape all relationships. Indeed, in comparison with Iyayi’s three novels, it is nothing short of astonishing that the working class in particular and, more generally, subaltern groups and those who struggle on their behalf are, so to speak, greatly “underrepresented’ in Awaiting Court Martial. Conversely, characters with a middle class professional background clearly predominate in the stories in the volume.

    These are the more apparent, the more obvious shifts in character, “plot” and themes that we find in the movement from the earlier three novels to the collection of shorter stories in the book that I, along with a few other critics, deem the best work to date of Iyayi as a writer. But what are the not so apparent, more subtle shifts in Awaiting Court Martial the perception of which should lead us, as I wish to suggest, to an interpretation of this work that might lead us to a fruitful, radical and progressive analysis of a collection of stories in which, for the most part, we encounter only catastrophes and defeats? This will be our starting point in next week’s concluding essay in the series.

    To be continued.

    Biodun Jeyifo

    bjeyifo@fas.harvard.edu

  • Ekweremadu and the grasshopper mentality

    Ekweremadu and the grasshopper mentality

    Judging from the torrent of criticism that greeted it, Deputy Senate President, Ike Ekweremadu’s tenure elongation proposal is dead on arrival.

    With the two leading parties – Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) and All Progressives Congress (APC) almost at par in the gubernatorial count, this single tenure dodge could only have assisted the ruling party to hang on to the presidency for another two years, and buy it time to regain the initiative.

    In an increasingly volatile and unpredictable polity we should expect more of such desperate political gambits in the run-up to the 2015 general elections. But it is a shame because it shows the mentality of Nigerian politicians hardly changes.

    Former President Olusegun Obasanjo and his henchmen embarked on a well-orchestrated nationwide campaign to amend the 1999 constitution and insert provisions for a third term when he had barely a year to go in his second term.

    Instead of allowing the system to work, this power-hungry bunch engineered a fake crisis that had the nation on tenterhooks while it lasted. But the moment the proposal collapsed in the Senate, the contrived crisis became like a lanced boil and peace descended on the land.

    It is hard not to see similarities here. Barely one and a half years to the next general elections we’re not only talking of a national conference of dubious value, we are even thinking of throwing the incendiary of tenure elongation gimmick into the mix.

    Back in 2007, it was another Deputy Senate President, Ibrahim Mantu, who was driving the process. Fast forward six years and under the guise of another so-called constitutional amendment process we are being offered a warmed-over Greek gift. Unfortunately the proponents of this sorry idea didn’t even take the trouble to pour paint on it: that’s why we can see it for what it is.

    Last time, a third term was necessary because Obasanjo was the only one who could ‘hold Nigeria together.’ Today, Ekweremadu would have us believe that crises raging in the polity are all down to “the issue of succession.”

    In his estimation a single tenure of six years would be the magic bullet that would sate people’s desire for power and restrain them from heating up the polity in the quest for a second bite of the cherry.

    In reality, there would always be succession crises whether we have a single term or two-term options. The rosy picture painted by the likes of Ekweremadu to sell their scheme is misleading. People might not be fighting themselves trying to taking advantage of the second term the constitution presently allows, but there would be equally fierce battles as incumbents attempt to install their stooges or those who would protect their interests after their one and only term.

    In this environment people’s appetite for power and influence is insatiable because public office is the only game in town. One year in an elective office can alter a man’s financial profile for life. Beyond that, the key thing is to remain relevant and retain access to the powers-that-be at every point in time. That is why transitions would always be tense in Nigeria

    Even more laughable is the suggestion that tenure elongation should be executed because it would give comfort to governors engaged in a free-for-all with President Goodluck Jonathan. Some of them are said to be afraid that a second term for the incumbent would afford him the chance to wreak vengeance on them.

    Never has there been a lower reason for amending a country’s constitution. We are descending to the level of legislating to address the peculiar problems of individuals.

    To compound matters the senator suggests that the changes can be forced through the National Assembly using the so-called ‘Doctrine of Necessity.’ This legal contrivance was swallowed by Nigerians because of the unique circumstances of the late President Umaru Yar’Adua’s disappearance from the country in search of medical treatment. But for the political affliction that Ekweremadu wants to treat, this doctrine is so unnecessary.

    What it all comes down to is our national pastime of seeking shortcuts. We are a nation of grasshoppers – always quick to jump upon the latest bandwagon without truly testing the old. We keep moving the goal post around right in the middle of the game.

    The trouble with our politics is not so much the constitution as its operators. The 1999 document is barely 14 years old and we have dissected it more times than a teenager playing with a rat in a biology laboratory.

    There are no perfect constitutions. Indeed, there are countries like the United Kingdom where there’s no written constitution. These things are to be tested and this can only be done over time – by subjecting them to legal processes. It is not the document on its own that shapes a country, it is what people do with the document they’ve been handed.

    The present politicians in power delude themselves that they have superior solutions to Nigeria’s problems. But people forget that what we now operate as a constitution didn’t drop from the sky.

    It is the result of long and costly deliberations beginning with the constitution drafting committee of the late Chief FRA Williams,’ Justice Udo Udoma’s Constituent Assembly right down to the General Sani Abacha’s national political conference. What emerged from those processes was further tinkered with after much thought by those in power in 1999.

    In a country with more patient people the 1999 Nigerian constitution would probably work like a charm. Rather than fooling ourselves into believing that tenure manipulation would cause peace to break out in our politics, we should first determine what the problem is and what we want.

    Are we tampering with the constitution because our politics and electioneering generate heat? If that is the case then we are confused. You cannot separate conflict from political contests because they involve multiple parties and ideas.

    Two months ago the United States government was shut down because of the political conflict in Washington D. C. No one suggested a constitutional amendment, rather everyone knuckled down to work out compromises that moved the country forward.

    A constitution is not a plaything. Let’s give ourselves time to master what we have.