Category: Gbenga Omotoso

MARCH is special. The month symbolises renewal and relief, some reprieve from the terrible cold of the winter months, which my friends living overseas could not wait to see off. They are excited now.

Gone is the snow and its nuisance. Here is March, foreshadowing the sunny summer. Flowers are blooming. The air is cool. It is no longer harsh in its coldness. This is winter’s way of saying farewell. In fact, metaphorically, spring is a season of rebirth, of newness and of joy.

Here, the rains are struggling to return. Even when it pours heavily, the water is quickly lapped up by the sun-baked earth. The landscape is dusty. The sun is biting, burning and scorching. The discomfort is fuelled by the power problem, as airconditioners become some of those ornamental antiquities. The only smiling faces are those of diesel merchants and their cousins, the generator dealers.

March, ironically, has shown us its bloody face. With spring a terrible storm has sprung up, visiting the land with strange calamities. We cannot wait for March to march out of our lives.

There is still no trace of the Malaysian Airlines plane that disappeared on March 8. There were 239 people aboard Flight MH 370. Despite a massive search for the plane, the mystery of its disappearance remains knotty.

Last Saturday, 19 jobless youths died in a desperate attempt to find jobs. The Nigeria Immigration Service (NIS) said it planned to recruit 4,556 . No fewer than 770,000 applied. They were corralled into the centres for the aptitude and fitness tests after each of them had paid N1,000 for a form and N500 for a white vest. Among them were many who had not had a decent meal in days. Famished. There were those who were physically and mentally exhausted. There were expectant mothers desperate for a fine future for themselves and their unborn children. Good luck, they were told by their loved ones as they left home that calamitous morning.

But 19 of them were unlucky. They were trampled down in the stampede that occurred as a result of the foolishness and sheer greed of the organisers of the morbid exercise, which may eventually be exposed as a wicked attempt to rob the poor.

Then the blame game began. Interior Minister Abba Moro, speaking like a bingeing old man struggling to fight off a terrible hangover, heaped it all on the victims. He said they did not listen to instructions, that the centres were flooded by unauthorised people and that a probe of the incidents was on the way. No remorse in his voice. Nor pity for the families of those who died. Nor a deep reflection on the matter that is as scandalous as it is ridiculous. Nor an answer to any of the questions sparked by the show of shame.

Who owns the company that got the contract to run the tests – Senate President David Mark’s wife has denied that she owns it – for the NIS? Can’t NIS recruit its own men and women? Is it true that NIS boss David Shikfu Parradang resisted the recruitment initially, but was overwhelmed by the minister? What was Moro’s interest in this matter? Why were there no ambulances at the centres? If there is, indeed, a probe of the matter, why will Moro be the one to oversee it? Shouldn’t he step aside as a sign of respect for the dead? Can he be a judge in his own case? No. Nemo judex in causa sua.

Isn’t this a criminal matter? Where are the police? Will the bereaved families be compensated? Why were the applicants not insured, considering the nature of the test? Why were they not screened and their number reduced before the tests?

The Immigration jobs tragedy has also raised questions of credibility – and sincerity – for the government’s jobs schemes. At first, it was SURE- P. Is anybody sure of what this is all about? And then YOUWIN. Fancy names all. Who wins? Where? When? How? Is this another Baba Ijebu gamble scheme? How much cash has gone into it? Something tells me that Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala – she seems to be ministering onto a dying economy – will someday be called upon to give account of these jokes.

As a sign of disrespect for the dead and our predilection for abusing humanity, we went to Abuja on Monday to open the National Conference – the much touted magic pill for all that ails Nigeria. Even before it begins, the conference is showing signs of being the biggest gathering of holidaymakers – and jokers, some insist – ever seen around here. The first argument was over the sitting arrangement. Petty? Wait for this: Lagos pastor Tunde Bakare got up to say if a Moslem uses a religious prayer to preface his contribution, a Christian can also open his contribution with “let somebody praise the Lord”.

We saw the delegates –a mixed crowd of leaders and looters, crooks and cranks, pranksters and youngsters– on television. They were queuing up leisurely for accreditation after filling their attendance forms. All smiles. Many were pumping hands in a long-time-no-see manner. Some were yelling after seeing their age-old friends – and foes. The conviviality was arresting. All at N7billion.

The future that the delegates came to discuss lies in the morgues – those youths who went through the pains of going to school and died of the pains of joblessness and their battle for a better deal. The future lies in those mass graves covered up by those forsaken villagers whose lot it was to face Boko Haram’s immolation after crying for hours and no help came.

But this is not the first time that we have demonstrated crass insensitivity to our collective humanity. The other day in Abuja, we hosted the world to a centennial party, hours after 43 pupils were murdered in their sleep by Boko Haram insurgents to whom madness seems not to have a limit. Heartless.

March opened its bloody match in Maiduguri, the beleaguered Borno State capital, with two bombs going off simultaneously. It was like an invasion from hell. By the time the bedlam cleared, no fewer than 35 residents lay dead. Besides, 20 villagers were said to have been killed by jets targeting the insurgents.

Stunned, Governor Kashim Shettima rushed down to Abuja for help. He told reporters that the military were doing their best, but the insurgents seemed to be better motivated and better armed. Fair comment. President Goodluck Jonathan didn’t like that. He later said in an interview that if he withdrew the troops Shettima would not be able to stay in the Government House. No sir. That sounds imperious.

On March 15, no fewer than 100 villagers were killed in Kaduna. Governor Mukhtar Yero shelved his overseas trip to comfort the bereaved. In Katsina, on March 13, on the eve of President Jonathan’s visit, armed men overwhelmed some villages, killing scores in their sleep. The President ordered that the killers be arrested. They are yet to be found.

On March 4, there were reports that 11 old people were burnt to death in a village. They were among the 40 people who were killed by –who else – Boko Haram. The military have been fighting back. Of the insurgents who stormed Maiduguri on March 13, 60 were reportedly killed.

In Plateau, after a brief lull, the killings have resurged. Benue State has lost its serenity to bloody encounters between herdsmen and other residents. Governor Gabriel Suswam came under fire as he drove to a village to sympathise with those who lost their loved ones.

Many have left filling stations after spending hours on the queue only to die on those bad roads. Last Sunday, 55, including women and children, died in two accidents on the Gashua-Garin Road and the Potiskum-Damaturu Road in Yobe State. On the Lagos –Ibadan Expressway, 10 died on Monday.

The intensity of the Boko Haram campaign has made March a month to watch. Is it time for the final battle in Boko Haram’s calendar? Why is there so much blood in this month of rebirth?

On the day 90 villagers were reported killed, I called off a meeting. We were all crestfallen, too weak emotionally to discuss our editorial plans. That was unusual. Just like a bloody March.

A boat capsized on March 12 in Lagos; 13 persons died. Some of the passengers were said to be rushing home to watch a soccer match. They got sunk in the marshy waters of March.

The Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) has said the Boko Haram madness was contrived to ridicule the Jonathan administration. This is political cretinism taken too far. Could party spokesman Olisa Metuh tell us who the contrivers are? Is that why the party has been holding rallies all over the place as if our lives depend on its buffoonery? Will a presidential visit to the parents of those Federal Government College, Buni Yadi, Yobe State, kids killed in their sleep be a bad idea? I don’t think so. But then, why should we be surprised that political rallies are more important to our leaders? Isn’t this March, the strange month?

Nigerians, apparently tired of crying, are coming up with a strange display of morbid humour, cracking sardonic jokes. Consider this sent to my phone by a colleague: “The 2014 Gulder Ultimate Search is here! The search is scheduled to take place in Maiduguri. Contestants will be looking for Boko Haram leader Shekau. The star prize is $10million. Make I help you collect form? Abi what are friends for?”

Don’t laugh. Remember this is March. Or how do you explain yesterday’s presidential response to the NIS jobs tragedy- three jobs for families of each of the dead and automatic employment for all the injured. Strange? Never mind. This is March.

FIGURES never cease to fascinate me. They conjure in me some powerful images that often make me ponder over the wonders of man’s fecund imagination.

You draw a small circle and have zero. Two zeros take you to hundreds. Then thousands and millions and trillions. Just keep adding the zeros. The bigger the figure, the more dramatic the image it conveys. Wonderful figures.

Consider a night guard earning below the minimum wage for his nocturnal exertions hitting the jackpot. First a feeling of utter disbelief and then the tears, tears of joy rolling down his weary cheeks. In a few minutes, he writes in his mind his grass-to-grace story. More tears. And smiles as he thinks about the millions, trying to figure it out.

The feeling is different when there is an accident and people die. The sheer number of the dead clothes us in a garb of sadness. We suddenly realise how vulnerable we are as human beings. When robbers strike – as they often do here – we are gripped by shock and fear as the cash loss is announced, usually in millions (when they strike at banks). Ever seen a robbery with any impact without the number of the victims and their often huge losses?

The birthday of a septuagenarian or a nonagenarian is an occasion for revelry and some indulgence, particularly when the subject is seen as an achiever, not only in terms of material acquisition but in character. Speaker after speaker will extol his virtues and see him as a good reason to crave longevity. But, it is not always true that the number of years is indicative of a good life. A fool at 40, they say, is a fool forever. Now, many have adjusted that saying. A fool at 100, they insist, is a fool indeed.

The centennial, Nigeria’s biggest party, has been on in Abuja. The world came to wine and dine with us only to see a huge and complex contradiction. Hours before the show, the incorrigible Boko Haram stormed the Federal Government College, Buni Yadi, Yobe State, set the hostels on fire and shot pupils who tried to escape the cauldron. No fewer than 43 died. Many were shocked that the centennial party still went ahead.

In one week, Boko Haram has sacked at least three villages, killing hundreds of innocent Nigerians who do not understand what the madness is all about. The sect’s bountiful harvests of blood in Adamawa, Borno and Yobe have been aided by a cocktail of ailments – ill-motivated troops, who seem to think that Nigeria is not worth dying for (they see the nonsense going on in Abuja) , bad neighbours who are either envious of Nigeria or disappointed in us and corruption. There are others.

And talking about corruption. Before Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) Governor Sanusi Lamido Sanusi was hurled into suspension in controversial circumstances, he alleged that $20billion oil money was unaccounted for. The first time he claimed that $49billion was missing, a panel of government experts hurriedly cobbled together went into the matter and returned with a verdict that only$10b was unaccounted for – not missing –. Before they could find the cash, Sanusi had raised another allegation – that $20billion was missing. For the government, it was time to stop the show. Enough. Sanusi was put on the rack.

Enter the Financial Reporting Council of Nigeria (FRCN) report, which claimed that the CBN spent N38.223billion to print bank notes in 2011, N3.1billion on promotions and N1.3billion to feed policemen and pay for private guards, among other allegations. The President has asked the FRCN to audit the CBN’s books. I hope Sanusi will be allowed to defend the expenditure of funds before the figures begin to leap at us on the pages of newspapers.

No matter how hard those pummeling Sanusi in the media try, there is one question that won’t ever go away: where is $20billion oil cash?

Soon, Abuja will be hosting another jamboree. Some 492 delegates will be sitting at the National Conference for three months. They will be housed in posh hotels, fed from the federal purse and driven round the beautiful city in exotic cars. The bill, a mere N7billion. For an exercise whose outcome lacks no force of law, the investment – in time and cash – seems obscene. But the gains – to its architects and their collaborators – will be enormous. Some of our leading lights will be fully engaged in some guided verbal gymnastics, just talking while the government has the time to forge ahead with its transformation agenda, 2015 and such matters. No distractions.

As preparations for the conference got under way in Abuja, there were reports that the Budget Office overshot its vote by N2.6 trillion. Under the Service Wide Vote – a provision for emergencies – N4.7trillion was spent between 2004 and 2012 as against N2.1 trillion approved by the Presidency, a House probe was told. Who authorised the extra spending? Why? What emergencies did we have to tackle?

The National Teachers Institute (NTI), Kaduna had N791million credited to its bank account on December 31, 2012 by the Budget Office from the Service Wide Vote. It never asked for money, said NTI bursar Abdulkarim Affo. After fruitless inquiries on the depositor and what the cash was meant for, it was returned to the treasury.

Could this explain how officials pile up financial fortunes at the public’s expense?

There is also the controversial spending of N331billion on kerosene subsidy by the NNPC in 2012. The money, a House probe was told, was for 4.229billion litres of kerosene imported between 2009 and 2012. Despite the ocean of kerosene, there are long queues of women and jerry cans at filling stations. And the price remains high as against the N50 per litre official price. Where is the subsidy?

After a long while, petrol queues showed up in cities last week for some dubious reasons. Some said importers were yet to get the go-ahead to bring in fuel. Others said marketers demanding payment for old supplies shut the tap. To resolve the jam, NNPC said, it poured 33million litres into the market. We are yet to feel the effect. The truth is that the scarcity was contrived by some roguish officials to cause panic and arm-twist the NNPC to spend money. Until we have a complete overhaul of the industry, fuel scarcity shall remain a potent weapon for bargaining by corrupt officials and their accomplices in the private sector.

Trust Nigerians; they have found some humour in the suffering. I got this message from a friend yesterday on my phone: “Dear NNPC, please forgive me and other Nigerians for helping you look for your missing $20billion instead of minding our ‘own business ‘.We were misled by the following :

“1. Sanusi; who said ‘your money’ was missing when you, ‘the owner’ has not said ‘your money’ is missing.

“2. APC, who said the money must be accounted for when you ‘the owner’ is not complaining.

“3. The House of Representatives, who said you should account for all your income since the past five years.

“Now that you’re angry with us and we have felt your anger at the petrol stations (fuel scarcity) , the three groups that put us in this problem with you have not said anything and don’t have any alternative.

“We have no other choice but to ask you for forgiveness. Please give us fuel.

“You are aware that your sister, PHCN, is also angry with us for how she was sold and has since refused to give us power. We promise not to ask you about ‘your missing money’ again if you can resume fuel supply.

“Truly yours, Nigerian Citizens.”

States are crying that their allocations keep tumbling, even as oil prices are rising. External reserve is down to $39.7billion from $42.85billion. A friend of mine asked the other day: “Who is spending the cash?” “Why don’t we just withdraw it all and share?” Naivety. Should the government be magnanimous enough to let all Nigerians have a taste of the action, how much will each get? If $20billion is shared by say 140million Nigerians, how much will each get? If 33million litres of fuel are shared among Lagos motorists, how many litres will go to each? Will the queues disappear? If Nigeria is a company and its promoters – fed up with some irredeemably corrupt directors who are plundering the till – are set to wind it up, how much will each investor get?

Please, send me the figures. Magical figures.

Bolaji Abdullahi: Politics floors service

AFTER months of procrastination, President Goodluck Jonathan has finally summoned the courage to release Sports Minister Bolaji Abdullahi. It was a miracle that Abdullahi, a journalist, survived for this long in that circle of sycophants to whom service means nothing and politics is everything.
He is accused, according to sources, of being close to Senator Bukola Saraki and not identifying with the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Abdullahi is leaving behind a record of sterling achievements. The Eagles won the Cup of Nations – for the first time since 1994. Nigeria’s flag will be flying at the World Cup in Brazil in June and the ever-restless Nigeria Football Federation (NFF) is now at peace. Our Under-17 soccer stars won the World Cup.
Sacking Abdullahi is no valourous action but a display of timidity and peevishness in which politics has defeated competence. Those who should go – those who have messed up the economy – are sitting pretty on their seats while Nigerians are groaning. Jonathan should show courage and sack them. Can he?

MANY were caught unawares by the President’s whistle-stop tour of palaces in the Southwest last weekend. I wasn’t. The only problem was the oversight – I don’t want to believe it is a deliberate slight – of leaving my beautiful town out of the presidential itinerary. Serene and seductive, Ada in the state of Osun offers a refreshing balm against the chaos of the city.

Dr Goodluck Jonathan said the visits were private. Not quite, many said. Some swore they were a prelude to his soon – to –be – announced plan to run in the 2015 election. The traditional rulers too have kept their discussions with the President as secret as possible. But, dear reader, today’s column is not about the presidential sorties to palaces. No. There are more urgent matters that are in no way secret but in all ways critical. Grave.

As Dr Jonathan sought royal endorsements in the politically savvy Southwest – its leading lights could sometimes be naive – the deadly Boko Haram sect was busy in Konduga, a hitherto unknown Borno State village that is now a testimony to the devastating blow that Boko Haram has dealt our military muscle, killing residents and razing homes. No fewer than 106 died. I don’t remember a presidential condemnation of the dastardly act. I guess the President is tired of issuing those statements of consolation- that our hearts are with those who lost their loved ones – and defiance – that we won’t surrender to the Boko Haram terror machine. The sect struck again yesterday in Bama, Borno State. Needless to say, it was bloody. Whichever way we look at it, it is sad that blood, human blood keeps flowing and we all are helpless. So sad.

Who are Boko Haram’s sponsors? Where are their weapons coming from? What are Nigeria’s neighbours doing to help? Are they collaborators in this long festival of horror? How effective has been the Air Force in this war? Can we in all sincerity claim that our soldiers are well equipped and well motivated? How did it happen that Boko Haram trampled on Konduga for five hours and no help came to the beleaguered village? The insurgents use unconventional tactics, but is that enough to justify the horrific harvest of deaths and broken limbs? We may never find answers to these questions.

But, it has not all been a bloody affair. Those pushing for the sack of Ms Stella Oduah as Aviation minister carried the day. She got the boot. Now, the woman of exquisite taste has the chance to lash her traducers, those censorious champions of morality who felt N255m was too much to spend on bulletproof cars for the protection of a woman who is not just a minister but a princess. Ms Oduah will now, a source who admires her monstrous but highly maligned airports transformation project said, ride in more expensive cars – to the shame of all those who called her a spendthrift.

Besides, our amiable lady will have time to think about her memoirs. The work, those who know her closely have said, will be an invaluable companion of first class managers, including those who must learn how to survive in a hopelessly stifling corporate environment that is immersed in both national and domestic politics. A likely title? Well, The odyssey of a Princess.

Now that President Jonathan has named Brig.-Gen Jones Oladehinde Arogbofa as his Chief of Staff, Chief E. K. Clark and Raypower proprietor Raymond Alegho Dokpesi can catch their breath. Just because some newspapers speculated that Dokpesi was among those being considered for the job, Clark launched into a rage, vowing to ensure that Dokpesi did not get it. Dokpesi fought back, pouring invectives on the old man. It was messy. But then, what else do you get when a high chief is battling to become a chief of staff and a chief is dying to stop him. So much for cheap chiefs.

The battle of chiefs isn’t the only show in Abuja. Until last week, many thought the national conference was a mere joke. Some, including the sagacious Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu, saw it as pure subterfuge in the 2015 battle. To others, it was another chance to get on board the cruise ship for a jamboree. Then, the government announced the financial package for the talk shop –N7billion – and everybody is now struggling to be a delegate. No doubt this will rank among the world’s most expensive talk shows. Long after the delegates must have gone to celebrate their fortune –pot bellies, chubby cheeks and all – Nigerians and their friends will still be talking about the cash that got sunk into this revelry that is expected to resolve this country’s problems once and for all. But then, is talk –any talk – cheap? Ask the mobile telephone firms and their clients.

Unknown to many, also in Abuja, the centenary anniversary celebration has been on. Not much attention has been paid to this show, perhaps because delegates are not being selected and the per diem not announced as it was clearly proclaimed for national conference attendees. The cash, we have been told, will come from the private sector. Good. Nigerians love shows. A private sector struggling to create jobs and crying like a baby because of the huge cost of doing business – diesel, haulage, duties and others – has suddenly found the cash for Nigeria’s biggest party this year. Secretary to the Government of the Federation Anyim Pius Anyim announced gleefully yesterday that 28 world leaders would join the celebration. What a feat.

So much for jamborees. Some serious business. Is $20billion oil money missing? Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) says the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) should explain where the cash is gone. Besides, he alleges that NNPC has been hurling cash into kerosene subsidy when there is a presidential directive that it shouldn’t do so. Finance Minister Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala – many wonder if she is actually ministering onto the economy – says forensic auditors should be called in. NNPC says because the presidential order was not in a gazette, it carried on subsidising kerosene, even as queues for the commodity lengthen at filling stations and prices keep soaring. If at the level of the Finance Ministry we can’t find somebody to do the arithmetic, then we are in real trouble. Besides, the kerosene thing smells like a scam, a highly combustible scam scrounged off the public till. Whichever way the matter goes, Sanusi doesn’t deserve the blows he is getting; he has raised issues of probity. We demand answers. Simple.

Poor David Mark. The Senate President seems to be confused on the matter of the senators who dumped the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) for the opposition All Progressives Congress (APC). The PDP insists that he should declare the senators’ seats vacant. The senators demand that their letter to the Senate be read out, loud and clear, to seal their defection. Mark says the matter is sub judice. Clever guy. There is no way the PDP can force these fellows to stay with it. They are gone – body and soul. A man should be allowed to keep the company he likes. Isn’t this a basic principle of human right? Besides, what is democracy all about if not the right to have a choice and to exercise such a choice anywhere, anytime, so long as the exercise of such a choice does not impugn other people’s rights? A battered wife should get a divorce. More so as there is no demand for alimony.

It is just about two weeks since Police Commissioner Mbu Joseph Mbu left Rivers State. And the expeditious effect has been so soothing. Not a single shot has been fired at innocent people gathering for peaceful purposes. Projects are being commissioned and governance is back in full swing. Mbu, a garrulous officer who brooks no criticism, became part of the crises of power and suspicion in Rivers. The more he proclaimed his professionalism, the deeper he got immersed in the murky waters of politics.

Now that those who wanted him out have their prize, Mbu should spare a thought for his future. I assure him Abuja is easier to police. There is little politics. The Federal Capital Development Authority (FCDA) will find Mbu useful in enforcing the much abused Abuja master plan. He will also be busy chasing vendors off the street in the day and laying ambush for women of easy virtue in the night.

From the Boko Haram madness, unnecessary revelries and hazardous economics to political complexities, one fact is clear: we are in interesting times.

IT is, again, another season of peace shuttles in the beleaguered Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Chairman Adamu Mu’azu has mounted a road show, preaching peace and bragging that the ruling party will soon regain its breath.

But it does not seem that the PDP’s long winter of pains is yet to give way to its long- desired but apparently elusive spring. A season of renewal. Bamanga Tukur, the accomplished businessman who made a bad job of the party’s chairmanship, did his beat with uncommon passion. In one hand he held a white flag – crying for peace. In the other was a rod with which he smashed the heads of stubborn party members – all in the name of discipline. Nobody was too big for spanking. Governors got suspended for not falling in line. Court rulings were not worth the papers on which they were written. Impunity reigned.

In the end, Tukur lost a desperate battle to keep his seat. The Presidency that swore to stand by him till the end did not. Rather, he was cajoled into throwing in the towel. Now, Tukur is at the Railway, tending the smoking locomotives and keeping the weary tracks safe. Poor guy.

Mu’azu will be battling to beat Tukur’s record – only five governors jumped what many have described as the sinking ship.

The other day in Abeokuta, the party chair visited one of its aggrieved members, former President Olusegun Obasanjo. No communiqué was issued after the meeting that drew wide attention. Since then, Editorial Notebook has been bombarded with requests from readers, who are eager to know what transpired between Obasanjo and Mu’azu.

Since no newspaper has reported the details of the meeting, this column went in search of usually reliable sources who may be privy to the privileged information. A source, who claimed to have been “reliably informed” about the meeting by an uncle of his whose friend’s uncle is a friend of a close associate of a man who saw it all, gave a vivid account of what actually went on – according to him – behind the closed doors. The information could not be verified as neither Obasanjo nor his guest agreed to speak on it. Confidential.

Here, however, is a picture of the encounter as related by the source, who pleaded never to be named because of what he described as the sensitivity of the matter, particularly its security implications.

(Mu’azu is ushered into the big living room, a retinue of aides and hangers –on trailing him. Obasanjo, in a casual Yoruba dress, moves towards the door to receive him.)

Obasanjo (stretching out his hand): Welcome. Yaya de? Good to see you, Mr Chairman. I hope all is well with you.

Mu’azu: Thank you, sir. I’m pery fine. I don’t intend to waste your tarm, sir, knowing your busy schedule. I have come to speak about our party, your party. I want peace. I want you to return to the party and avail us the opportunity of learning from your experience and wisdom.

Obasanjo: Thank you, oga chairman. You see, there is a point of correction there. Huuum! Huuumm! (He clears his throat). I did not say I was leaving the party. All I said was that I was withdrawing from its activities, until sanity returns. And I think it is my right to do that. So, the matter is as simple as ABC. I think you understand me.

But, baba, I want you to confide in me. Wha’s the froblem? Whaa are you angry? This is a new era. I promise you, things will change.

Look, young man. You know where to direct that question. I don’t want to talk much. I have said all that I need to say – for now. Ask them why they seem to be deaf. You take the party and hand it over to men of doubtful character and criminal background and you expect people like us to remain fully in it? Haba, chairman. I think I have the right to choose my friends, to choose who to associate with. So, if I say I’m withdrawing – for now – I should be left alone.

Sir, I have seen the President and he is ready to make peace with you and eblibody – cibil serbants, bisnessmen; eblibody. In fact, he says as your son, he can’t go against you, no matter the situation. He sees the PDP crisis as a family affair that should be settled and…

Excuse me (Obasanjo raises his right hand); excuse me, chairman. Another point of correction, please. Every responsible father should know his children. I know mine and they know me. Nobody can send me to a massage room now; I have seen it all. I don’t want any ego massage. Nigeria needs truth now, but the boys in charge seem impervious to reason. Dem no wan hear word. Any little advice, they send attack dogs after you. They are the ones you should talk to and I hope it’s not too late.

I have said it, sir; this is the time for peace and justice. The PDP is the biggest party in Africa. Internal crises are not unexpected, but it is for all of us to sit down and settle. The umbrella is big enough to accommodate us all.

That is the problem. If you say the umbrella is big enough for everybody, does it include criminals and men of doubtful character? Can light and darkness stay together? You see, I don’t deceive myself and I have a reputation to protect. The other day, I wrote a letter and the whole place was on fire. Every opportunity to talk was an opportunity to attack Obasanjo. Why don’t you reply to the allegations? Are you training snipers or not? Have you put people on a watch list or not because of 2015? You forgot about the message and went after the messenger. Is that right? You, tell me (he frowns, looking straight into his guest’s face). If anybody does not want to hear the truth, dat na im toro. As for me, if there is need for another letter, I’ll write again. Is that the first letter I have written?

But, baba, all I want is peace. I want you elders who have left us to return. I want all our gavernurs to return.

As I have told you, I have not left your party. I’m simply withdrawing from all activities of the party to reassess my role. As for the governors, they are free to decide what they want to do. I can’t be called an elder and be treated shabbily. I’m not going to take that from anybody. No. Elders my foot.

So, what message do I take back to other stakeholders, who no doubt hold you in high esteem. You’re our father, sir.

Thank you, Oga chairman. You have your job well cut out for you. Anybody who thinks there can be peace and reconciliation without justice is joking. And anybody who takes up a job –appointed ,elected, selected or otherwise – and he no longer has the patience to listen, either because of his selfish ambition or for any other reason, he should resign. That is my own.

The meeting ended with smiles and a handshake. The host offered his guest some food and drinks, which the latter politely turned down, saying he was running out of time and, besides, would soon return.

Sanusi vs NNPC

Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) Governor Sanusi Lamido Sanusi has again grabbed the headlines, with his allegation that the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) has failed to account for $20billion oil money. The other day, it was $49.8billion. Then a committee set up to reconcile the figures said it was $12billion . Finance Minister Ngozi Okonjo – Iweala later announced that $10.8billion could not be traced . And now $20billion.
Sanusi tendered facts and figures. NNPC Group Managing Director Andrew Yakubu seemed to have been caught unawares by the fresh allegation. He had neither facts nor figures. He then deployed some bare knuckle tactics, saying the CBN chief “does not understand some petroleum engineering issues”. Besides, the CBN is not an auditor, he said. I disagree.
Isn’t there a presidential directive that stopped kerosene subsidy since 2009? Is the directive being obeyed? If Sanusi’s figures are inconsistent, to what extent? What has happened to the law that all revenue must go to the Federation Account? These are some of the questions.
There is no need to make this a personal matter between Sanusi and other officials. All we are asking for are the facts and figures. They keep telling us Nigeria is not broke, yet states’ allocations are crashing, we can’t finance the rebuilding of the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway and many capital projects are left unattended to.
Many have been asking if Mrs Okonjo-Iweala is actually ministering to the economy. I am persuaded to join them to ask: what’s up. Madam.

WE all dream. We love those long trips of fantasy, powered by images of a beautiful world, full of leisure and pleasure; all gains, no pains. Those colourful thoughts we nurse in our sleep.

An ambition should not be confused with a dream. Many sleep without dreaming. Some dream but lack the will to power their dreams to reality. Others dream deceitful dreams. For instance, what kind of dream will a man have after hitting the bottle so hard before going to bed? Some dreams could also be telltale signs of a serious fever. Hallucinations.

A momentary loss of memory could force out such questions as: “Where am I?” “What happened?” “Am I seeing double?”

The Yoruba say a man who dreams of hitting the jackpot had better roll up his sleeves. It may well mean that, if he took no care, he would land in poverty. Our man may be riding a beautiful car in his sleep only to wake up and recall that it was the mere image of the sleek car he once saw cruising past him as he pounded the dusty street that would not just go away. Imagination. He wakes up and the reality hits him right in the face. No car.

But dreams are not all about material acquisition in which an unknown village boy strikes it rich in the city, living like a king and partying like a Hollywood star. Just like Jordan Belfort in the “Wolf of Wall Street”. No. We dream of occupying big offices, holding the reins of leadership and calling the shots from the top. It is, in other words, in the nature of human beings to be ambitious.

Ambition is such a powerful phenomenon that is difficult to understand, even when it is as clear as day.

Politicians are driven by ambition. There are those who dream of getting political power, not as an end in itself, but as a means to an end – a good life for the generality of the people through the provision of those basic needs that enhance the quality of living. Others desperately pursue a life-long dream of getting power to amass wealth to oil a life of opulence. In other words, there is the fantasy of politics, even as we have the politics of fantasy. Dreams.

The other day in Ekiti, the wife of the former governor, Ayo Fayose, announced to Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) women on her 50th birthday that her husband was returning to the Government House in June.

Said Mrs Fayose in simple biblical language: “I am not a politician. I am a woman that believes in God. As the Lord liveth, I have simply come to announce to you and any other doubting Thomases of the inevitable return of my husband, Mr Peter Ayodele Fayose, to his seat as the next governor of Ekiti State.”

Then, many started asking: Could this be a mere outpouring of emotion by a woman displaying her love for her man after dreaming about their days in power, those days when everyday was like Christmas? Is Feyisetan also among the prophets? Did she see a vision? Where are all those giants of necromancy; are they back? The Okunzuas. The Akpabots. Are they back?

“By the special grace of God, his return is certain, and so destined. I am telling you that nothing can stop him,” the woman said with prophetic relish. That is the power of dreams; ambition flying on the wings of dreams. Well, June is just around the corner.

“I went through hell as PDP chairman, says Tukur,” a newspaper headline screamed last week. Former PDP Chair Bamanga Tukur was recalling his travails while in the saddle. His dream was to unite the party and help it fulfil its ambition of ruling Nigeria for 60 years – in the first instance. He went about it in a strange manner, smashing some heads here and knocking others there – all in the name of discipline.

In no time, the tide turned against him; the hunter became the hunted. Tukur’s presidential bulwark against the governors’ fury collapsed. He threw in the towel. The dream died. Gone with it, obviously, was his son’s ambition of becoming governor of Adamawa State.

But Tukur tried. The dam had burst and the river had torn through its banks, with five governors leaving “the biggest party in Africa”. Under a less aggressive fellow, the governors would have quit the ship in droves as the turbulence got worse.

With off-track Tukur off to the railway tracks, the Jonathan administration has lost the greatest apostle of its transformation agenda –the compendium of Dr Goodluck Jonathan’s dream for Nigeria as an eldorado. Now, who will remind us that there was ever a dream– sorry, an error there– who will remind us that there was ever an agenda, transformation or otherwise?

Ever since he left power, first as a weakling elbowed out by the Adedibu forces, and after losing an election to his former deputy, Adebayo Alao-Akala, Alhaji Rashidi Ladoja has never hidden his dream of returning to the big stage. The Isiaka Ajimobi administration struck a deal with him, a kind of power- sharing arrangement. But the Accord chief kept maligning the government, showing no love but disdain for the party in power, his party’s ally. All efforts to pacify Ladoja failed.

In a desperate bid to regain power, he once cobbled together a deal with Alao-Akala, who supplanted him as governor before the court stepped in to stop the charade of Ladoja’s impeachment. He received in his Ibadan home high profile visitors, including former President Olusegun Obasanjo, who came to woo him back to the PDP. Apparently unsure of being handed the PDP’s ticket, Ladoja held back. Now, he is pursuing his dream of returning to power with Accord, the party he has been nursing. Accord, dear reader, is not to be confused with the sleek Japanese saloon car that is so common on Nigerian roads.

But his opponents – and friends – tell Ladoja that things have changed. A non- performing administration is easy to muscle out; not so the Ajimobi administration, which has shown some sparkling efforts in redeeming Oyo State’s glory. To Ladoja, this sounds like some awful music. Such is the power of dreams. Ambition.

Rivers State is slipping into anarchy. Governor Rotimi Chibuike Amaechi dumped the PDP for the All Progressives Congress (APC). His former Chief of Staff, Education Minister Nyesom Wike, backed by the Presidency, has vowed to ensure that the governor knows no peace. In Wike’s corner are the First Lady, Patience Jonathan, police and their pugnacious commissioner, Mbu Joseph Mbu. When Amaechi’s supporters organise a rally, the police are quick to smash it up. Wike’s men are as free as birds of the air at their rallies.

At one of those rallies, Senator Magnus Abe was shot. He is hospitalised. Last Sunday, many government officials had their vehicles smashed in Ogoni where a planned rally was aborted as hoodlums fired shots. Many were injured. The police looked the other way.

What is the problem? Wike wants to be governor, but Amaechi says since he (the incumbent) is an Ikwerre, like Wike, it is only fair that his successor should come from another ethnic group. The minister, apparently seized by ambition, rejected the suggestion and elected to fight.

A former chief of staff knows what it means to be a governor and will somehow dream to occupy the exalted seat. Ambition has no room for moderation. It often abhors modesty. This is the root of the coming anarchy in Rivers.

President Jonathan has resisted calls for him to put Wike, Mbu and their armies on a tight leash. Many don’t seem to understand why Jonathan won’t listen. He dreams of running again in 2015 and Rivers is critical in his calculations. Why then should some squabbles affect his ambition?

Since Taraba State Governor Danbaba Suntai returned from a medical trip, there has been little peace. Deputy Governor Garba Umar has refused to step aside and allow Suntai run the show. Besides the fact that Suntai’s health remains an issue, it has always been Umar’s dream to be the governor. Here is his brightest chance ever. Will he just surrender it?

In Osun State, Senator Iyiola Omisore is getting set to run for governor. The popular view is that, considering Rauf Aregbesola’s sterling performance, Omisore seems to be building a castle in the air. But, who can dismiss a man who won an election while in detention?

Should dreams have limits? Should ambition continue to thrive when it becomes a clear danger to its purveyors and the very people that are the reason for such dreams? It is neither here nor there. The right to dream is not just fundamental; it is natural. But then, dreams remain what they are, essentially – dreams. Let’s all keep dreaming. After all, it is legal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THEY are all gone. Or so it seems. The pyrotechnics and the bangers. Beach parties and street carnivals. Seductive streets festooned with flowers and blinking lamps that created a huge romantic atmosphere.

They are all gone. The necromancers and prophets – of good and doom – have retired to their cocoon to await the next season of soothsaying.

Now that the revelry of the New Year seems to have died down and many of our compatriots have shrugged off the hangover of the Yuletide, it is only fit and proper to ponder the question of what 2014 holds in stock for us all. In other words, a few questions are imperative.

The President’s political future has been a subject of acrimony in political and academic circles. Dr Goodluck Jonathan is said – and many, including Niger State Governor Babangida Aliyu, swear he did – to have signed an agreement to do one term in office. He denied ever signing such an agreement and dared the purveyors of the rumour to tender the document, which a Southsouth governor is said to have filed away in a vault in the inner room of his Government House. Will the unnamed governor whip out the vital document and settle this knotty question once and for all?

More importantly, will Jonathan declare his open-secret ambition to run in 2015, a seemingly ruinous venture that has caused the earthquake in the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP)? No; that’s not quite straight. When will Jonathan launch his campaign?

And talking about the PDP. Will the party continue to be apparelled in its garb of arrogance, bearing its annoying sobriquet of the ”largest party in Africa” as if size – not sense and sensibility to those matters that nestle in the people’s hearts – is all that matters? Will PDP still continue to threaten Nigerians with 60 years of its yoke?

Or will the party continue to fight for its life, gasping for breath as the opposition All Progressives Congress (APC) launches another major foray into its camp? The late Chief Moshood Abiola – I’m sure you know him – it was who once said nobody would tell a blind man that the market is over. When he ceases to hear the noise, he would pack his things and go home. Will this be the case of the PDP?

So much for “power!”. The other day when my colleagues and I were discussing the Person of the Year, I suggested the gunman. Since the Civil War, this is the first time Nigerians have witnessed so much bloodshed in the land. Evil swaggers all over the place, daring the government and the people to a confrontation. Boko Haram. Jos. Armed robberies. Kidnappings. Herdsmen versus farmers. Communal clashes. It (2013) was, in my opinion, the year of the gunman. Needless to say, I lost the argument. Will the killings continue?

There was no clear and reassuring answer to the question of Abubakar Shekau’s fate all last year. The spiritual leader of the deadly Boko Haram sect continued to issue videos, scorning the military and gloating over his men’s exploits, particularly at a time he was said to have died after suffering injuries in a battle. In fact, the authorities issued what they described as images of the man on his dying bed. With the turn of events now, didn’t somebody somewhere deceive our Intelligence chiefs? Are we set for a sure answer on Shekau this year? Is Shekau dead or alive?

Just as 2013 was closing, former President Olusegun Obasanjo’s letter to President Jonathan – so acidic and acerbic – became a public document. The details were as scary as they were scurrilous. The President replied in no less a troubling manner, even as some people felt he was timid. Besides, he referred the matter to security agents for a probe.

Will our detectives confirm or disprove the allegation that Jonathan has set up a training camp for snipers? Is it true that there are 1,000 Nigerians on a watch list? Will the list – if indeed it does exist – be leaked on the Internet? Will it be genuine or muddled up like some of those INEC lists displayed before elections? How are we sure that some other officials will not substitute some names for their perceived enemies’ names?

Elder statesman – many insist he has reduced himself to a mere Ijaw activist – Edwin Clark has written a tirade of abuse to Obasanjo. I can imagine the former President’s reply when told of the letter: “Clark; who is that? I dey laugh o.”

When will Obasanjo write another letter?

Hard as he tried last year, Agriculture Minister Akinwunmi Adesina could not get all Nigerian households to ditch the wheat bread for the cassava bread that has been the favourite at the Villa’s breakfast table ever since it was brought in, oven fresh, for the President and the privileged members of the cabinet to munch at one of those weekly meetings. Will cassava bread be available this year for ordinary Nigerians to feel the taste?

The assets of the behemoth Power Holding Company of Nigeria (PHCN) have been sold. New companies have emerged. Besides, President Jonathan has promised a modest 18-hour power supply. To many Nigerians, four hours of outage is nothing; they are already having days and months – in some places – of darkness. They are waiting for Jonathan to pull this through. Will he? Will the new companies imbibe PHCN’s slothfulness?

There have been rumours of a cabinet reshuffle or disbandment. Many ministers are believed to be ministering to their political ambitions. Some are immersed in scandals. Others are merely warming their seats, genuflecting to the President to stay in office. When will Jonathan separate governance from politics and disband the cabinet this year?

Bombs have been going off in Rivers State where two major political camps have emerged. One is led by Governor Rotimi Amaechi, a former member of the PDP, who has defected to the APC, citing the President’s injustice to his people in the oil blocks’ row. The other belongs to Education Minister Nyesom Wike, a one time Chief of Staff, Government House, Port Harcourt, who has sworn to run Amaechi out of town for opposing his ambition to be governor. Wike is believed to be enjoying the backing of the First Family. Police Commissioner Mbu Joseph Mbu is said to be in his corner. The police chief denies it all, proclaiming his professionalism, which many have dismissed as doubtful. The police have sealed off the House of Assembly. Lawmakers had to sit at the old Government House to pass the budget, but there are still fears that six members of the House – there are 33 in all – are planning to impeach Amaechi, after getting the green light from Abuja.

The President has said he has no role in the Rivers crisis. Fine. Will he step in soon to stop the madness? Or will he watch as anarchy creeps in?

Some fuel merchants are facing trial for their alleged roles in the incredible subsidy scandal. There are also government officials fighting to clear their names in the pension fraud. To many, corruption has never been this vicious. Former EFCC chief Nuhu Ribadu once said if you fight corruption, don’t expect it to fold its arms; it will fight back. Will corruption kill Nigeria? Or will Nigeria defeat corruption?

Elections are coming up in Ekiti and Osun states. Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) Chair Attahiru Jega said yesterday in Abuja that it would improve on its performance in Anambra where it failed to pass the test, even as the questions remained as old as time – late arrival of materials, muddled list of would-be voters, compromised officials, insecurity and others. The damage has been done. The post mortem is painful. With the rapacious PDP’s desperation to retake the Southwest, which it dragged to its zero level before the people rushed in to chase them away, it is only pertinent to ask: Will INEC reclaim its integrity in Ekiti and Osun?

Happy New Year!

Good luck Mikel

THE votes may have been cast. But, it is not late to put in a word on the African Footballer of the Year, which will be decided today in Lagos. My money is on Mikel Obi, the Nigeria-Chelsea prodigy.
In the race with Mikel are Yahaya Toure and Didier Drogba, who are giants in the game. Both have won the prize before. I think Mikel deserves it now. Why? He is European Champion with Chelsea (2012, Champions League), European Champion, also with Chelsea in 2013 (Europa Cup) and African Champion, with the Super Eagles in 2013.
Mikel may not have been displaying J. J. Okocha’s exceptional artistry or Nwankwo Kanu’s mastery, yet he remains as talented as the duo. His defensive role, following his managers’ instructions, has been responsible for the seemingly underplay of his talent.
I join all Chelsea fans to wish Mikel good luck tonight.

IT is easily our most exciting season. The weather may be a bit nasty- cold, dry and dusty, clogging our nostrils and impairing visibility. The travel chaos. The shopping spree and the upsurge in crime. Never mind them all. Consider the revelries. Rejoice.

Carols. Streets festooned with flowers. Blinking lights from giant Christmas trees. And those colourful greeting cards with moving words. The messages are sometimes lyrical, expressing deep emotions. Other times, they come in simple, everyday language, signed by the sender and tucked in bright envelopes that we are tempted to keep rather than trash. How I love reading those soothing messages. At the end of it all, I sometimes ask myself if the emotions expressed in those cards are actually reflective of the senders’ true feelings.

But I haven’t got many cards this year. Could this be a function of the troubled economy? Are people tired of expressing love amid so much hate in the land? Are cards more expensive than they used to be? Are people tired of weaving together those refreshing words? Are they hamstrung by the vicissitudes of fortune? Is sending greeting cards dying? I really don’t know. It is neither here nor there. After all, did we not think the beautiful art of letter writing was facing extinction, until recently when it suddenly barged into our consciousness?

Letter writing was great fun. I recall sitting on the wooden chair, neck bent down and eyes stamped on the A4 paper on the little all-purpose table that hosted my mum’s meals and served as my study desk, writing as she dictated in Yoruba. All those letters that began with “My dearest son” and ended with a tinge of sentimentalism, such as “ I am your mum in truth and in deed” or simply “ Your worthy mother”.

Or consider those ones written by love-struck – or lustful, if you like -youngsters, the type in which a youth displays his poetic skills and shows off his vocabulary acquisition. “My dear paramour,” he begins. “You know that you’re the sugar in my tea, my sunshine and the owner of my gentle heart,” he goes on and ends it all with a catchy phrase, such as “your sweetie” or simply “yours in the ocean of love”.

No more. Love letters are dead. Today’s youths use the short message service (sms), shortening words and crippling English language in a manner that will make the original owners of the language weep. No idioms. No proverbs. No language elements that smoothen communication. No elegance. No grammatical puritanism. Words are mangled. Consider this that I got recently: “Good morning sir. Ow ws ur nit and ows d family? Jez tort of checking to remind you sir of wot we tlkd about. Fenk you sir.” Teachers are helpless.

But, this is not to say that letter writing, assailed by the brevity of the new media and the ubiquity of the mobile telephone, has lost it all. No. It has been fighting back. Lawyers, instigated by landlords, still write letters to tenants, asking them to “give up the apartment and all its appurtenances”. They also write to editors, saying “we have instructions and we have been briefed by” a certain Mr, Chief or General, “hereinafter referred to as our client that an article that appeared on page 46 of your widely circulated newspaper contained words that portrayed him in the eyes of right thinking individuals as a corrupt and unworthy fellow, a common thief who is not fit to hold the office of a minister or any public office.”

“You will agree with me that this is not true. Our client is the Bobajiro of Jandukuland, the Ogbologbo of Jibitiland, a minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and a renowned philanthropist. We demand an apology on the front page within seven days of the receipt of this letter. If you fail to act or neglect this demand, we shall have no other option than to institute a N25billion action to reclaim our client’s hard earned reputation, which you have damaged. Take note, a word is enough for the wise.”

Those who contend that letter writing may have fallen on hard times are, obviously, referring to the use of this elegant art as a political weapon of sort. Prince Tony Momoh’s “Letter to my countrymen” evoked some measure of excitement. Momoh, journalist, lawyer, politician and former Information Minister, used his letters to engage the citizenry in debates on the workings of the government.

The late sage, Chief Obafemi Awolowo, wrote former President Shehu Shagari, warning that the ship of state was heading for the rocks. Shagari fired back, painting the picture of a rosy economy. He later introduced the much maligned austerity measures to save the situation.

A veteran in the game, then Head of State Gen Olusegun Obasanjo once engaged the critic Arthur Nwankwo in exchange of epistolary fire. Former Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) chair Audu Ogbeh wrote Obasanjo, telling him that Nigerians were suffering.

That was then. That era has become part of our history. Not many of such letters that tear open a dam of public reactions have been written since then. But letter writing has staged a comeback, with former President Obasanjo’s epistle to President Goodluck Jonathan. Since October 1, 2010 when the first bomb went off in Abuja, the Jonathan presidency has not been this rattled. It is as if a missile was launched into the seat of power.

Dr Jonathan was enraged. He railed at people who think Nigeria is their bedroom. People were asking why the President was troubled. They soon found out as the venomous 18-page Obasanjo letter became a public document. See how some words set on pieces of paper could provoke presidential rage and public anxiety? Some commentators said any time Obasanjo wrote a letter, dire consequences manifested. They cited some scary examples.

The letter contained monumental allegations. The President was accused of training snipers, having 1,000 people on a watch list, celebrating a former murder accused and embracing corruption, among many other allegations that are as weighty as the stature of the writer.

For days, Jonathan held his fire. He did not reply the letter. Then the questions started flying. Could it be true that Jonathan is training snipers? Is he going the Abacha way? Who are those on the list? Will Obasanjo write if he did not have the facts and figures? All this because of 2015?

Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) Governor Sanusi Lamido Sanusi also wrote the President, saying $48.9billion oil cash was unaccounted for. A reconciliation revealed last week that $10.8billion was actually yet to be accounted for. Whether it is $49billion or $10billion: should there be any loose end?

Enter “the Iyabo letter”. As the nation waited anxiously for Jonathan’s reply, another letter suddenly leapt onto the scene. Purportedly written by a former first daughter, it was acidic as it was acerbic. It took Obasanjo to the cleaners. Many refused to believe that Iyabo, no matter the depth of her resentment at being unfairly treated by her dad, could pen such a diatribe against him.

It was doubtful she did. If she must write such a letter, why now? Why would she be the one to man the opponent’s corner in a fight against her dad? Is this her language? Where is her signature? Was there really any issue between dad and daughter? If so, is it strange? Was it a case of using a disease to fight its effects?

As the “Iyabo letter” went through forensic tests of authenticity, the newspaper that broke the story was battling to justify its verity. It hurled in a former governor’s chance meeting with Iyabo in the United States and launched into interviews with people who knew nothing about the letter, asking if they would intervene and claiming to have spoken to Iyabo, who reportedly proclaimed the letter her own. Why not check with Obasanjo? The paper called the former President, who called the reporter “a bloody idiot” who should be waiting for Iyabo’s lawyers.

Before the brouhaha could subside, the President released his much awaited reply. Somehow sober and temperate – some insist timid – the letter touched on all the points raised by Obasanjo. Perhaps in an attempt to match the Obasanjo epistolary in length, it listed 10 points why the letter deserved to be replied. Any need?

It is fine that some of the allegations are to be probed. This should be without delay. Besides the report should be made public.

There is a redeeming feature in the sumo wrestling – letter writing has reestablished its place as a lethal weapon in politics. Now, people threaten to write one another letters. See how a once moribund art has been propelled to national prominence in a matter of days by the ingenuity of our leaders?

So sad Obasanjo has said he will not comment on Jonathan’s reply. So whence cometh another letter?

 

 

The president’s fury

THE President had a tendentious Christmas Day package for his opponents yesterday. At the Cathedral Church of the Advent, Lifecamp, Abuja, Dr Goodluck Jonathan threw jabs at politicians who think they own this country, “doing what we ought not to do, making statements we ought not to make and writing letters we are not supposed to write”.

C’mon Mr. President. The church is no platform to settle political scores. Besides, where is statesmanship in this whining and whimpering?

WHAT will President Goodluck Jonathan do to please Nigerians?

Even a brief illness – a routine for millions of Nigerians who throng the hospitals when our easily provoked doctors are not on strike – has become a subject of scurrilous attacks on his integrity.

Dr Jonathan fell ill the other day in London. In the spirit of the openness and transparency that have characterised his highly successful but much maligned Transformation Agenda (T.A.), his spokesman Dr Reuben Abati issued a statement, saying his principal was “ indisposed” and had sought “precautionary” medical attention.

That was all the President’s traducers needed. They pounced on him with the ferocity of a hungry lion. They said Jonathan was not ill, but battling a big hangover after hitting the bottle so hard on his birthday, which coincided with the London trip. Hangover? How? All attempts by Abati to ram it into the heads of the purveyors of this treasonable rumour that his boss is a teetotaller failed.

What kind of drink can induce a presidential hangover – if any has ever occurred anywhere in the world? Johnnie Walker? Bicardi Rum? Scorpion Vodka? Scotch Whisky on ice? English Whisky? Cognac on the rock? Brandy with soda or plain Brandy?

The debate on the etymology of “hangover”, its politics and social impact has been raging in boardrooms, newsrooms and varsity staff rooms where idle teachers-beer glasses in their hands – have been coming up with strange and scary effects of alcoholism. Teachers have so much idle time now – no thanks to the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) strike – to propound esoteric theories, some of which could actually be treasonable but for the characteristic magnanimity of the Jonathan administration.

When is a man (or a woman) said to be having a hangover? Does a hangover indicate a state of recovery from bingeing? Can’t a hangover result from the stress of office? Or a six-hour flight? Do presidents have hangovers? Is a hangover a medical condition? When should a man visit the doctor as a “precautionary” measure?

Unknown to his traducers, Dr. Jonathan was already fit as a fiddle after a few hours rest – as prescribed by his doctors. He then went on to attend the Honourary International Investors Council (HIIC) meeting, the opening of which he missed. They, those idle fellows apparelled in critics’ garbs, then launched into another round of wicked speculations. If it was no hangover, how come he recovered so fast? What was the nature of his illness? Waving the Freedom of Information (FOI) Act, they demanded to know Jonathan’s health status.

Even when he returned to Abuja and told reporters that he actually had some health “challenge”, the questions did not cease. Wetin be challenge? Tell us if na hangover or no be hangover; chikenah, some said scornfully.

Thus, “hangover”, an ordinarily harmless word that is commonly used among beer parlour patrons, pepper soup joints clients, night clubbers and excited street revellers, has found its way into national reckoning as part of our presidential lexicon.

But, dear reader, today’s column is not about “hangover” and its complex theories. It is all about those words and phrases that have been etched indelibly in our minds this year because of how they have been deployed by some key personalties.

By now, those civil servants of old must be ruing the way officialese has been battered by the very people who should be its custodians, all because the civil servant has been relegated to the background by the political appointee. The other day in Abuja, a minister told of how she got a memo for the purchase of two bullet proof cars. In the memo, there was nothing like this: “ I have been directed to inform you that after a careful deliberation and in consideration of the fact that there are security challenges in the country, it has been well advised and it has been so accepted that the ministry should buy two armoured vehicles for the Honourable Minister… . Please, accept the assurances of my esteemed highest regards. Your obedient servant… .”

Not anymore. We are in the age of Short Message Service (SMS). The minister – no prize for guessing who she is, dear reader – simply replied: “Do the needful.” You can imagine what the reply would have been in those days.

Until the Dependent –sorry, a slip there – Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) deployed it to break the tragic news that was the Anambra State governorship election, nobody really cared about the word “inconclusive”. It had no place in our political lexicon. It barged in on us like “annul” did in 1993 when the military regime of the self-styled president, Gen. Ibrahim Babangida, halted the announcement of that year’s presidential election – Nigeria’s fairest and freest ever – which frontline businessman Chief Moshood Abiola was set to win.

INEC agreed that the Anambra election was rendered inconclusive by a cocktail of irregularities – late arrival of materials and officials, voter register confusion (many names were missing), thuggery and sheer sabotage (as in the case of Idemili North) – but refused to cancel the exercise. Why? Any logic here?

There is no need for INEC to hang on to its unpopular decision, like a Premier League referee. If it insists that the inconclusive election will stand, does it not imply that the exercise had been compromised ab initio?

INEC chair Prof Attahiru Jega is a man of integrity, but this Anambra show has failed all tests of integrity. He need not be scared to do the needful. He should apologise to the electorate for letting them down, pull the brakes on the planned supplementary election – you can’t supplement a doomed venture – and get set for a fresh poll. No need for grandstanding. No need for arrogance. No need for deceit.

They called themselves the Group of Seven (G7, for short) but the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) labelled them “rebels”. The seven governors said they were fighting for reforms in the party, threatening that should they not have their way, they would leave. Five of them quit on Tuesday.

The PDP leadership thought it was all a joke. Why label them rebels; to bring back memories of the war? Will PDP keep Nigeria at war perpetually? Now, the PDP’s rebels are heroes of the All Progressives Party (APC), which is fighting to save our democracy from the brink to which the PDP has recklessly taken it.

As the PDP battled to rein in its “rebel” governors, it got support from the Presidency and the police. The police, following “orders from above”, smashed a ceremony at which new teachers were to be presented letters of appointment in Port Harcourt. The New PDP’s offices in Abuja and Port Harcourt were sealed off after the police got “orders from above”. A meeting of governors at the Kano Governor’s Lodge in Abuja was invaded; the police had “orders from above”. The police should not be deceived; Nigerians know that finding among them a spiritual giant who may be getting heavenly instructions is like finding a needle in a hay sack. Many Nigerians will readily proclaim that “above” is the Villa. Can’t the police be more creative?

There are so many other fascinating words and phrases, thanks to the inventiveness of our talented politicians. If they build a public toilet and give youths motorcycles, they call in television stations to beam to us all their “giant strides”. And when it is time for elections, they buy cutlasses and axes for youths–all in the name of “youth empowerment”.Whatever they do, they say it is to “move the nation forward”, even as they, by their actions, engage the reverse gear.

No matter what you say about the Nigerian politician, you can’t accuse him of not being creative, most of the time in the negative sense. He knows how to choose his words and use them to the fullest effect.

A bloody nose for PDP

Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) chair Bamanga Tukur says he is “shocked”– I hope his doctors are on the alert for any eventuality– that five of its governors have fled like rats from a sinking ship. The party should, by now, be ruing the day it decided to enthrone impunity over justice and division over unity, setting one group against another and mixing personal interest with party interests, even as it paid little attention to governance. Its loss of five governors –more to follow – to the All Progressives Party (APC) will surely hurt its foolish dream of ruling Nigeria for 60 years.

The APC has been called a party of strange bedfellows. But its leading lights have said that the guiding principle is to save Nigeria’s democracy from the political barracudas in the PDP, which has made a mess of almost all the sectors –economy, education, security and more. The government has been fighting corruption with all its might, but corruption keeps growing. It has been crying rule of law, vowing to respect the constitution, yet impunity rules. It has been sloganeering about free and fair elections, yet ballots get battered.

There is no need to cry for the PDP. It has all the opportunities to make life comfortable for us all, but it lacks the tools – leadership and character. Isn’t that what politics is all about?

We almost forgot it. Who wouldn’t, considering the evil that stalks the land all through the year, leaving little room for the clarity of thoughts that such an intellectual exertion demands. Boko and all the other harams. Plane crashes. Communal clashes. Robberies, Kidnapping. Assassinations. Extrajudicial killings. And more. I wonder how President Goodluck Jonathan still sleeps.

Only last week, 25 people died in a stampede after a church programme in Anambra State. A few days before then, Boko Haram – o my God; what a scary name – attacked a wedding party, killing 30.

Under such circumstances, you will agree with me, it is easy to forget all those remarkable achievements – politicians call them giant strides – we have made in the course of the year.

A long preamble? Well, I just needed to make the clarification. Any notebook worthy of its name, needless to say, should put every issue it discusses in perspective so as not to be accused of obfuscation. Or grandstanding.

Now, dear reader, welcome to Honours 2013. Remember this is the platform on which we recognise excellence, those rare feats by our compatriots which may have gone unnoticed, either because of some deliberate plots –envy, if you like – or sheer ignorance by the authorities. It is not in any way to be confused with the contentious and sometimes divisive national honours. No.

Where else to start than politics where we have many nominees, whose giant strides –pardon the cliché, please – will confuse even the most painstaking of panellists. In other words, there are so many who deserve to carry the day. Alhaji Bamanga Tukur, the national chairman of the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), has succeeded where many giants failed. Before he took office, the largest party in Africa – its ignorant detractors will always ask scornfully: what does that mean; is size a yardstick of performance; size sans sense? – was infested with that morbid disease that has killed many areas of our public life, indiscipline.

Today, I am happy to report without any fear of contradiction by those pseudo historians who hide under the dubious nomenclature, social analyst, that Tukur has brought discipline back to the party –at a great personal risk.

Only seven of the 23 PDP governors are threatening to leave the party for what they call its resistance to reforms, the very virtue that Tukur has brought bountifully. No more the slackness and hedonism of the past. A governor was suspended because he did not return the chairman’s call (bad enough to have missed the call in the first place- for whatever reason). Another was slammed for watching while the House of Assembly suspended a local government chairman. He refused to stop the lawmakers, claiming to be respecting the separation of powers between the executive and the legislature, according to the charge. Now, those who are still in doubt of the new dawn in the PDP will soon have their properties demolished. Should they attempt to hold any unauthorised meeting, the police will be sent to smash such gatherings.

Not even the courts can protect any party member. The other day, Prince Olagunsoye Oyinlola was brandishing a court judgment that nullified his sack as national secretary. He said he would like to return to his desk. The Tukur leadership, apparently defending party supremacy as against the rule of law under which many arrogant members hide to weaken the system, resisted Oyinlola’s move.

For all these feats and others that are too many to enumerate here, including the acceleration of the PDP’s plan to rule for 60 years –in the first instance – Tukur is the ‘Politician of the Year’.

It was difficult picking the ‘Minister of the Year’, considering the array of cabinet members who are fit and proper and worthy in character and action to get this prestigious prize. For a long time, people were dying in accidents on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway. A company won the concession to rebuild the road – Nigeria’s busiest – but for one reason or the other it could not do the job. There is also the East-West road, another killer highway. Both seemed abandoned until Mike Onolememen mounted the saddle. Now, President Jonathan has cut the tape to signal the commencement of work on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway, but skeptics are asking: when will work start?

But the prize is not Onolememen’s, despite his exceptional deeds. Neither is it Agriculture Minister Akinwunmi Adesina’s – for making cassava bread the king on all breakfast tables. Nor is it Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala’s – for all those esoteric figures which, to her, mark a remarkable leap in the economy’s growth, even as many go to bed hungry and the jobless queue is growing.

Aviation Minister Stella Oduah is ‘Minister of the Year’. All our airports are sparkling, courtesy of multi-billion contracts that many poor students of arithmetic can’t just figure out, saying they are shrouded in secrecy, as if contract details should be pasted on town hall notice boards. There have been just a few crashes – thanks to Ms Oduah’s safety-first policy, which states that safety should not only be an all-flight affair. The Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority (NCAA) has bought two BMW bulletproof cars at N255m for her safety. The ‘Transaction of the Year’ has raised so much dust, in a manner that has confounded safety experts who know the value of a minister’s life. A young fellow who knows a Cabinet source told me the other day that he learnt the safety-first policy would soon be adopted by all ministries, who will be required to “do the needful” by getting more sophisticated armoured vehicles. Prices? Keep guessing.

The Nigeria Governors Forum (NGF) did not mean much to many, until President Jonathan got involved in its politics. An election to elect its chairman became a fratricidal strife that consumed its integrity. Rivers State Governor Rotimi Amaechi won the election with 19 votes against Plateau State Governor Jonah Jang’s 16. Jang, goaded on by Akwa Ibom State Governor Godswill Akpabio and others of controversial democratic credentials, declared himself winner. His proof: there was an unwritten understanding among his colleagues that the job was his for the asking. Those who did not understand such a gentleman’s agreement in politics said His Excellency was naïve. Off to the Villa he went to show off his prize and to church to thank God for the victory.

For believing in the strange logic that 16 is bigger than 19 and doing his all to defend it, Jang is the ‘Governor of the Year’.

Besides Inspector-General Muhammed Abubakar, no other police officer is as popular as Mbu Joseph Mbu, the cantankerous Rivers State Commissioner of Police. The more he cries that he is a professional and not a politician, the more he gets immersed in the bitter politics that has split the state along two main ideological lines – those Amaechi variously calls thieves and looters and those crying for change, their leader being Education Minister Nyesom Wike. Mbu has banned public gatherings, tear gassing innocent people who he thinks have flouted the order. The road to the Government House was once blocked against Governor Amaechi and his guests. When the state government complained to Abubakar, he found nothing wrong with Mbu’s actions. In fact, Mbu got a pat on the back.

Step forward Officer Mbu, our ‘Policeman of the Year’. To many, you are a good example of a bad policeman, an officer but not a gentleman and a pugnacious fellow who lacks respect for constituted authority. To the IG, however, you are a fine officer. Isn’t this the real testimonial?

Dangote Group President Aliko Dangote would have easily gone home with the ‘Businessman of the Year’ Award. After all, he is still Africa’s richest. Besides, he is listed among the world’s powerful men – and women. But what took Dangote years of toiling and sweating has taken some young fellows a few months to achieve. They have become billionaires overnight, without sleepless nights. This award is for the fuel subsidy merchants- many insist they are fraudsters- who had made it big long before the government woke up to the fact that we were being massively swindled.

More awards will soon be announced. Watch out. To all our awardees, I say congratulations.

Iyayi and a governor’s killer convoy

 It was devastating. Festus Iyayi, university teacher, writer, unionist and rights activist, died on Tuesday when a vehicle in the convoy of Kogi State Governor Idris Wada rammed into a bus in which some officials of the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) were travelling. Sad.

If the government had kept an agreement it signed in 2009, perhaps Iyayi would not have needed to travel. Why is Wada’s convoy so accident-prone? He got a broken leg the other time when his convoy crashed. What is the mental state of the governor’s drivers? Are convoy drivers above the law? Is the Federal Road Safety Commission (FRSC), which is expected to enforce speed limits, helpless? Will Iyayi die in vain?

With the death of Iyayi, the Nigerian state has succeeded in murdering another star. Many, stifled by the rot Iyayi and the others are fighting against, have long relocated overseas. May heaven accept Iyayi’s soul and console us all.