The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hardball

  • Seven is a number

    Absurdity has reached new heights in Ekiti State under Governor Ayo Fayose of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). It is beyond belief that seven PDP members of the Ekiti State House of Assembly, in a move that turned the Constitution on its head, ostensibly passed the state’s 2015 Appropriation Bill into law despite the clear lawlessness of the act. That the lawmakers conducted themselves in a dishonourable manner cannot be in doubt because they did not form a legal quorum in the 26-member legislature.

    It is unsurprising, and indeed appropriate, that the embattled Speaker, Dr. Adewale Omirin of the All Progressives Congress (APC), in a statement by his Special Adviser on Media, Wole Olujobi, described the empty show as “one in the series of comic tales by farcical politicians holding the reins of governance in Ekiti State.”  Omirin and 18 other APC members of the House of Assembly are currently fighting to re-establish sanity in the legislature after their dramatically undemocratic marginalisation and the emergence of a dubiously dominant group of lawless lawmakers.

    It is interesting that the power-backed seven reportedly approved N80.94 billion as budget, which was about N160 million higher than the figures presented to them by Fayose. The governor’s proposal was N80.77 billion. The group leader, Dele Olugbemi, was quoted as saying, “We decided to increase the budget estimate not for any reason but to prove that we are independent.” The difference in the figures was said to be for fixing the leaking roof of the Assembly complex. Even allowing for the benefit of the doubt, considering the ugly history of large-scale official corruption in power circles across the country, it might not be out of place to smell a rat in the narrative.

    Also, there was something fishy about comments credited to Fayose who spoke to journalists at the Murtala International Airport, Lagos, on his return from a foreign trip. Speaking about the 19 legislators who are in his administration’s bad books, Fayose was quoted as saying, “The Speaker just called me recently and asking for their Christmas gifts. I told him they should collect from Lagos and Osun State governments or the Speakers of those states.” Isn’t it food for thought that Fayose referred to Omirin as Speaker, suggesting that Olugbemi is merely being used for the spoiler’s role?

    Again, even allowing for the benefit of the doubt, considering the mud-slinging that has marked Fayose’s approach to governance, his remarks are more likely to be a continuation of the smear campaign against the opposition. It sounds far-fetched that the lawmakers on the other side would approach him for Yuletide presents, knowing full well that he is the kind of character who would readily use such a move to score political points.

    Fayose further said: “But in my state, you were elected by some people and the people had read the riot act to them that they will not come and destabilise the state. If you attempt it, the power of the people will rise against you because their power is higher than those of us who are in power.”

    No one is fooled by Fayose’s democratic posturing. The 19 beleaguered legislators are themselves representatives of the people, and their exclusion through undemocratic means is a reflection of megalomaniacal politics.

     

    •This article was first published on January 8

  • Champagne jurisprudence – a fable

    Once upon a time, in a certain large and shambolic country, there lived a man of immense affluence known as Chief Cleanface. He was of such  means that all the nobles, princes and judges of the land would always gather in his palatial abode for one purpose – to quaff champagne.

    Chief Cleanface loved that bubbly, fizzy, golden popper. Of course he loved all the good things of life and he can well afford nigh everything money can buy but he had a thing about the ‘champ’. He had it specially blended for him from vines in far-flung lands. Champagne was his particular and especial passion.

    One day, the unexpected happened to Chief Cleanface: a local miscreant dared to desecrate his pristine abode. The misbegotten fellow managed to scale the high and imposing fence of Chief Cleanface’s pad, and having beaten the security, like a rat, he scurried into Chief’s living room.

    Bedazzled by the wanton opulence of Chief’s lounge, the young man trembled notwithstanding that he held Chief at ‘gun’ point. Unable to withstand the awesome presence of his ‘victim’ any longer, the pale intruder grabbed a fancy object within reach and made for the door. Of course the hapless fellow was soon ensnared in the exotic security web of Chief’s equally exotic palace.

    The miserable bugler was soon arraigned and put on trial post haste. The entire judiciary was agog and judges fell over each other for this special assignment. What cheeky, little, vermin dared to try robbing the Right Honorable Chief Cleanface; a noble of no match, a philanthropist of oceanic magnitude? This miserable young man must be taught a lesson never to look great men in the face how much more contemplate robbery, the judges thought.

    Soon the celebrated trial began. Of course no counsel stood for the poor son-of-gun save for a state prosecutor who all the time wondered why the state would waste so much time with a rascal. It turned out that the ‘gun’ the blighters brandished was only a toy pistol. It also turned out that all he ‘stole’ was an empty champagne case that resembled a compact stereo set.

    Even Chief Cleanface sobered up as the case reached its ugly crescendo. The intruder was an armed robber and the punishment was death. According to the judgment, he was found guilty of an offence bordering on conspiracy to commit armed robbery and was sentenced to death by hanging. Soon the Brahmins of the community repaired in Chief’s abode to celebrate his ‘survival’ and the triumph of the rule of law. Of course champagne flowed like water but Chief wallowed in private melancholy.

    He was a much tortured man and as soon as the crowd dispersed he lapsed deeper into sorrow. He remembered he had changed his name to Cleanface after pulling off a multi-billion naira pension scam. He had hired six seniors advocate; he had had to part with half of the loot in a quiet plea bargain. He still had about 10 billion with which he relocated far from the city and begun a new life as Chief Cleanface. Yes, his face – head, beard, eyebrow and all – he shaved clean in his new life. If this boy is hanged… he thought, as he turned in his golden bed later that night.

    Moral of the fable: the law is an ass….

  • An epoch like this…

    Dear reader, I, Mr. Hardball, I have had to pinch myself several times since Monday to ascertain which side of the spatio-temporal divide I am. Am I in a day-dream or a hoary nightmare or am I sleepwalking; in which case someone must restrain me lest I bring harm upon myself. It must be a magical epoch we are traversing and it is bound to grow a wing all of its own and soar into the horizon.

    As Nigeria waltzes into a new age, is it 60 years yet? That was the time warp, the deadline and indeed death-line for transiting from the PDP morass into a new age. Yes, 60 years they said they would rule us; or did they mean ruin us? Now we have fought the fight of our lives to unshackle ourselves. And what a brawl it turned out to be. As voting was going on last Saturday in an Ejigbo suburb of Lagos, a pregnant woman stabbed her husband in the chest as they argued over the presidential candidates of the APC and PDP. The man died. He did not live to hear the result.

    In Omu-Aran, Irepodun LGA of Kwara State, a man had beaten his wife to pulp. According to a News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) report, as results trickled in on Monday, the woman of the house named Bose was having one up over her husband but her celebration was punctuated with vicious blows from her hubby who could not bear his candidate’s loss. But there was no fatality; they will live to tell their 2015 election stories.

    But about 50 odd Nigerians will not tell any story again ever. They died during last Saturday’s exercise. A total of 80 have died since January this year over the 2015 elections according to the National Human Rights Commission (NHRC). Many had willfully and foolishly put themselves up on the altar as atonement for this epoch while a few were vicarious victims. It could have been worse.

    But it was a walk through the night, almost through landmines. Tender was the moment as Nigeria laid her egg. The entire world had to gather to midwife this era and to contain her abiding malevolence. About half a dozen former heads of state led thousands of observers ostensibly to monitor our election but they really wanted to avert a debacle long foretold. The entire world had to gather to heave the Nigerian leviathan that had crossed our road for 16 years; the little ghoul that had locked us up in a bottle for so long making sure we did not outgrow it.

    Alas! Freedom at last! A gust of new wind blows across the land. A certain Rita Odichinma Orji is the House of Representative-elect for Ajeromi-Ifelodun constituency of Lagos State! Now you may pinch yourself to find out where really you are. A certain man known as Professor Attahiru Jega is the architect of this new architecture (and Hardball stands by his tautology). He is the star of this great story; the man from Mars for only a Martian can conduct an acceptable election in Nigeria.

    Finally, we shall have to reconfigure the architecture of a new opposition. Hardball must write a book pronto. I will title it: “A Handbook for Successful Opposition in a New Epoch”. Anyone for a drink…to an epoch like this?

  • Sermon after election

    On Palm Sunday, a day after the presidential election of March 28, it looked like time for soul-searching at the church service at Aso Villa, Abuja, where President Goodluck Jonathan was among the congregation.

    According to a report, “Before this time, the Chapel was always filled beyond capacity anytime President Jonathan was worshipping there. But those in attendance yesterday, besides the choir, did not exceed the first three rows on both sides. Workers and few security aides and reporters occupied the last seats.”

    It seemed like the picture of a fall and the loneliness that comes with it. From all indications, Jonathan was on his way out. Interestingly, in his sermon, Rev. William Okoye, the guest minister and a former Aso Villa Chaplain, possibly speaking under divine influence, suggested the probability of Jonathan’s electoral failure. Okoye said: “If God gives us another opportunity there are things we must do: One, we must acknowledge God as our source of victory and helper. Two, review all you have done in the past, learn from past mistakes because you have done well but you must admit you have made mistakes. Thirdly, repackage the mistakes you have made so that you can launch out in full force. Every leader in public office is in a position of trust, we must account for the position we have been given and do things right.”

    Thank God, Okoye said: “If God gives us another opportunity.” However, for his information and instruction, the poll was about what and who the people want. Perhaps Okoye should be reminded of the saying, “The voice of the people is the voice of God.”  Okoye sounded like a priest prescribing medicine after death. His words to Jonathan, “repackage the mistakes you have made so that you can launch out in full force,” may be coming too late; and in this case, it isn’t better late than never.

    It was apt that Okoye’s priestly voice ultimately provided useful enlightenment for those who have ears to hear by defining public office as “a position of trust.” Maybe unintentionally, he succeeded in delivering an important message that seemed specifically targeted at Jonathan when he said, “we must account for the position we have been given and do things right.”

    The presidential poll represented a formal public assessment of the Jonathan presidency and whether the man at the top had done things right during his four-year term which he sought to extend by seeking reelection. To employ Okoye’s language, it was time for Jonathan to account for the presidential position he was given.

    Curiously, it appeared Okoye was speaking for Jonathan when he said:  ”Thank God we have a president that says I want to serve but I’m not desperate. So it is not a question of do or die thing.” Okoye continued: “This election is not a do or die. If we lose, we will go and use the experience to serve humanity. So, there is nothing to worry about. I know with what this government has done, if given another opportunity, Nigeria will be better.”

    Questions: If Jonathan failed to serve Nigeria in power, of what use can he possibly be to humanity after leaving office? If Jonathan failed to make Nigeria better during his first term, why should he be given another opportunity to make things worse?

     

  • Rotimi, the lion heart

    What’s in a name?  Perhaps, nothing: as William Shakespeare the bard quipped, a rose by any other name will smell as sweet.  Perhaps, something: among the Yoruba — and Hardball believes, most other African nationalities — a child is named for certain cogent reasons.

    That appears to be the case with Rotimi Chubuike Amaechi, the embattled Rivers governor.  Though no Yoruba (he is Ikwerre), he seems in total conformity with his name, Rotimi (Yoruba for “Stay with me”) in his political battles, even if he is only a David squaring up to Goliaths; or more pessimistically, a Lilliputian facing infernal political Gullivers.

    Yet, in this hot battle, the governor has stuck with his stubborn beliefs and he is there, right in front of his supporters, no matter how fierce and the battle is.

    The ongoing murderous orgy, going for election in Rivers State, proves all.  The satanic dress rehearsal was all too obvious in the electioneering, in which about everyone in the Nigerian security apparatus stationed in Rivers State plays dumb to the systematic elimination of a side to the partisan tussle, which really ought to be a peaceful contest, not a violent slaughter.

    From Day One of electioneering, the omens were dire.  When Gen. Muhammadu Buhari launched his presidential campaign, in Port Harcourt, some partisans heading for the events were shot at and seriously injured.  Since then, it has been a harvest of deaths for Amaechi’s All Progressives Congress (APC) members.  But the most horrendous of omens was in Okrika, Dame Patience Jonathan’s hometown.  There, an APC gubernatorial campaign rally came under attack from sharp shooters, off a cemetery.  No less than three policemen died, plus of course other civilians.

    But more tales of woe.  The governor, on a house-to-house campaign swing, came under gunshot attacks allegedly by elements loyal to Nyesom Wike, the Rivers Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) governorship candidate.  The area was Wike’s home town.  But guess the tragicomic relief from the Police?  Amaechi arranged his own shooting!  Seriously?

    Which brings the issue to Nigerian elections and double standards.  In the South West, even given hooliganism and thuggery which seem to come with the electoral territory, the results almost always reflect the people’s will, except in the extremely bad 2007 elections.  Not so, for other parts, particularly the South-South and the South East; and of course, some parts of the North, where there are always allegations of under-age voting, aided and abetted by electoral and security officers.

    The South-South nightmare appears what is playing out in Rivers, with its reckless bloodbath; alleged bloody muscling of elections and anti-democratic conspiracy between electoral officials and security personnel.

    In his latest protest, Governor Amaechi led his supporters to the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) office, protesting the alleged non-election in the state.  Hear Transitional Monitoring Group’s Ibrahim Zikrullah, an election observer’s comments on the Rivers election: “… We have Rivers State, where the election did not meet minimal standards of any recognised election.  The state security took over the role of INEC.  They were beating up people, smashing ballots and falsifying results.  The problems with the card readers did not  help matters, because in some places they couldn’t verify the permanent voter cards.  And in our view, the manual verification compromised the purpose of the card reader.”

    Well, however the elections are resolved, Governor Amaechi has held proud to his conviction.  If the best the powers-that-be can do is this travesty to claim “victory”, then it’s a “victory” that tastes more bitter than defeat.

    Perhaps the governor’s courage is driven by his other name, Chibuike: the Lord is my strength!

  • The Monday after

    Hardball is no sorcerer; neither does he have a crystal ball. Indeed, much of what he has is intellectual rascality and what he likes to call ‘embedment’ – the art of sneaking into the ‘minds’ of issues, events and people. Now, articulating this piece before the Saturday, March 28 presidential polls, Hardball seeks to embed (or fast-forward) into Monday, March 30, 2015. Here we go:

    It’s morning of Monday morning, say about 7am to 8am; the news is abroad. The big news which was speculative yesterday Sunday is now definitive and bold. You know the news of course: it is proclaimed loud and bold. The newspaper headlines are particularly creative in a crazy way; each paper seeking to outdo the other in its projection of the BIG NEWS!

    Yesterday as the last of the numbers trickled in, the picture was being formed. Results from city centres had been in almost immediately showing pointers to winners and losers. But the far north, the riverine areas and the uplands are still being collated. But on Monday, the result must be called! If the Independent National Electoral Commission, (INEC) would not do so, the media would broach it and that is what the headlines have done.

    What would the headlines look like? Who can hazard a guess? Well Hardball cannot because that would be pre-emptive; it would flout the electoral laws and principles of good faith. But you would sure see something like: “Lagbaja floors Tamedun!” “It’s a sham!”, says XYZ party. Would there be skirmishes and scuffles from some parts of the country? Surely, but what part would depend on which party wins.

    We do not expect any upheavals even to the magnitude we had in 2011 post-election because we expect to have learnt from that episode. Secondly, the whole world is not only watching the process minute-by-minute through all sorts of online streaming devices, the critical world audience have their observers on ground taking notes and filing reports. There are also the diplomatic corps doing their own monitoring of the polls and post-poll manifestations in all its ramifications.

    Most remarkably, we have also learnt that the US and some of her allies have kept some rapid response forces all around us to intervene at a snap of the finger if need be. There is therefore, enough checks and deterrence for trouble makers and people who want to win by wading through the blood on innocent citizens if that is required.

    INEC must be allowed to do its work to a logical conclusion and whoever is aggrieved must resort to the courts and not the streets. This election may well present to Nigeria’s democratic process, its next big leap in which case, we all would be winners. How do I mean: if perchance, the party in power (for 16 years) loses, that would be the first time in the electoral history of Nigeria. That would open an entirely new democratic vista for us all. And the loser may well turn out the victorious if he manages it well.

    How is it for you today, dear reader?

  • Jonathan’s unpaid debts

    A promise made is a debt unpaid” is a saying President Goodluck Jonathan and his promoters may not quite understand. This must explain the loud and noisy promotion of promises said to have been kept by Jonathan.  A four-page newspaper advertisement with the heading “PROMISES KEPT” said: “I, President Goodluck Jonathan, made 10 major pledges to the people of Nigeria at my inaugural address on May 29, 2011.”  Jonathan continued: “I have kept my promises as you will see from these statistics.”

    This boast was followed by a list of 10 pledges.  According to another boast, “These are facts and statistics that are true and verifiable. A lot of them have local and international third party validation.”

    “PLEDGE NO. 1”: “I pledged to grow the economy and to create jobs.”  Anyone doubting Jonathan’s achievement concerning this should consider Nigeria’s scandalous third position among the top five countries with the largest number of the poor. The ranking was supplied by   World Bank President Jim Yong Kim at an official forum.

    ”PLEDGE NO. 5″: “I pledged to place the power sector reform at the heart of Nigeria’s industrialisation strategy and to continue to fight for electricity to be available to all our citizens.”  Jonathan claims he has kept this particular promise, which means he must be blind to the pervasive darkness in the land.  However, to be fair, Jonathan only said he would “continue to fight for electricity to be available”, meaning it could be argued that he is still fighting to get that done.

    ”PLEDGE NO. 10″: “I pledged that the fight against corruption would be a war in which we all must enlist so that the limited resources of this nation are used for the growth of our common wealth.”   Clearly, this is a pledge with zero content; and a content analysis should show why the Jonathan administration’s anti-corruption war remains in the realm of fantasy.  Jonathan added: “Today, my administration’s preferred approach to corruption has been to plug the loopholes and tackle it from its root.”

    Evidence of Jonathan’s success in this regard must be Nigeria’s ranking on Transparency International (TI) 2014 Corruption Perceptions Index (CPI) . The assessment was based on the presumed extent of public sector corruption in the countries. Nigeria scored 27 out of a maximum 100 marks and was listed as the 39th most corrupt nation in the world.

    Particularly applicable to the country is the TI observation: “A poor score is likely a sign of widespread bribery, lack of punishment for corruption and public institutions that don’t respond to citizens’ needs.” TI Chairman, José Ugaz, said: “The 2014 Corruption Perceptions Index shows that economic growth is undermined and efforts to stop corruption fade when leaders and high level officials abuse power to appropriate public funds for personal gain.”

    Judging by the conflicting picture of promises not kept, perhaps a more appropriate heading for Jonathan’s claims is “UNPAID DEBTS”

  • Bestseller for nothing

    About a week to the country’s controversially rescheduled March 28 presidential poll, President Goodluck Jonathan further demonstrated a familiar slyness at a strategic book launch. A book on Jonathan, titled The People’s Choice, written by Rev. Fr. Charles Imokhan, was unveiled at the Presidential Villa, Abuja, on March 20. From the look of things, not only the book title and the timing of the presentation spoke volumes about the publicity stunt; the author’s priestly status was also significant as it subtly suggested a spiritual endorsement.

    Interestingly, on the occasion, the more Jonathan made efforts to mask motives, the more he involuntarily exposed himself. Hear what he said in an attempt to hide his visible desperation for a second term in office: “Sometimes people ask me, ‘Mr. President, from what we read and what we see, we see you are still smiling unruffled.’ Yes, nothing will really ruffle me because I’m willing and ready to serve but I’m not desperate to serve.” He added: “And that’s what keeps me going and if all of us who want to hold office from the least – a councilor or chairman of a council, a member of the State House of Assembly or member of the House of Representatives, Senate, or President; if all of us are always ready and willing to serve our people, but we are not desperate in our mission, then of course Nigeria will be a better place for all of us.”

    Of course, it is easy to contradict and debunk Jonathan’s self-portrait by highlighting the deviously controlled choreography that continues to drive his reelection ambition. Then a question: Who says his alleged smiling face proves that he is “unruffled”?

    It is noteworthy that Jonathan reportedly thanked the author for “representing me to Nigerians”. According to him, “Because my story is a humble story and whenever I read write ups about me, especially my personal account from my birth to when I got into the limelight as a deputy governor, most times the accounts are not very accurate.” Jonathan said of the new book: “I think the only accurate account will be when I write when I leave office. But to some extent this particular account is reasonably close; the whole story has been captured except for minor details.”

    It is unclear whether Jonathan would eventually write his “accurate account”, and whether it would beat the latest book in patronage. The current book may be described as a bestseller of sorts, judging by how much money it attracted, reportedly N170m. It is a striking irony that The People’s Choice is a dubious bestseller about a brand that is hard to sell. The flattering attention that the book enjoyed from the zealous sycophants in Jonathan’s camp further mirrored a moral decay that is beyond comprehension.

    If the book launch was intended to influence the electorate in the expected presidential election, the political schemers and their dreamy objective can be sure of a big zero. The people’s choice will be determined by the people themselves and not by any predetermined plot by power desperadoes.

  • Grenell, the last scarecrow

    Richard Grenell, a spin doctor, would appear President Goodluck Jonathan’s last scarecrow, in a virago-like electioneering that started with hate; and is set to end with fear-mongering.

    So, why not end it in a final hysteria of putative Islamization, to give the doomed Jonathan campaign some satanic bounce?

    That appears the Grenell shot.

    But it is no cold comfort at all, that Mr. Grenell, reportedly a spokesperson of four US ambassadors to the United Nations, sounded so green — both in the rigour and logic of his write-up for Washington Times, and in his understanding of Nigeria’s culture and politics.  Might his paranoid piece, on the March 28 presidential election, be a happy result from the Jonathan government’s overseas PR?  Maybe!

    Titled “Nigeria on the brink”, and given its wish-washy logic, would it be fair to say Mr. Grenell is guilty of the famed American ignorance on just about anything outside their vast near-continent country?

    Or, if the writer’s sour grape about how a reported opposition PR consultancy contract, allegedly awarded Alex Axelrod, which allegedly drove the Obama government’s not-too-friendly attitude to Nigeria’s extant order, could this be Mr. Grenell’s counter PR consultancy, to help the nervy Jonathan government?

    These questions are imperative the way Mr. Grenell mixed up his facts, played around with outright fiction and half-truth, and came to the fantastic conclusion that a Buhari Presidency, should he win on March 28, would give ISIS and allied terrorists a bigger window to play in Africa via Nigeria!

    Blessed are those who live in blissful ignorance!  But cursed are those who, taking dubious contracts, build a dire scenario that exists only in their dollarized psyches!  Whichever of the two categories Mr. Grenell falls into, Hardball is not sure.  But the submission in his piece is the stuff of which concentrated mischief is made.

    Briefly, Grenell holds that Gen. Buhari is an alleged Boko Haram sympathiser.  How?  Because he had personally been named by Boko Haram as putative negotiator, with the Jonathan government.  But did Mr. Grenell know Gen. Buhari turned down that invitation?  Of course, that was not necessary!  The selective amnesia in the Grenell mind somehow also plagued Godswill Akpabio, the PDP governor of Akwa Ibom, who made the same mischievous charge at the PDP Governors’ electioneering sortie to Lagos!

    Another Grenell claim: “He [meaning Buhari] is not known to have openly condemned the group or offered any advice to the government.  Really — even after elements suspected to be Boko Haram made an assassination attempt on him?  But even assuming that Gen. Buhari has not “offered any advice to the government”, has his All Progressives’ Congress (APC) party not done so?

    And the charge that Buhari wanted Sharia implemented all over the country — is the writer diplomatically blind, deaf and dumb to the Buhari consistent refrain that Sharia could not be applied nationwide simply because it had to do with family and inheritance matters, among Muslims?  Perhaps Mr. Grenell has been too busy to know that, even as military Head of State, Buhari resisted Nigeria joining the Organisation of Islamic States (OIC)?

    Ambassador Grenell’s latest tar job is only a regurgitation of the PDP anti-Buhari Islamization campaign, that nevertheless floundered, simply because the General picked Yemi Osinbajo, SAN, a Law professor and Pentecostal pastor, as his running mate.

    So, Mr. Grenell’s disingenuous scarecrow practically calling on the Obama government to help rally Jonathan in the election (but how) is a laughable fig, founded on combative ignorance.

    Still, the Grenell vomit was sheer music to Jonathan sympathisers, the way they splashed it as front page advert in This Day on Sunday (March 22).

    Nice try!  But only Mars-living Nigerians would believe such nonsense.

  • P – D – P ! Cash to the people

    Well dear reader, would it be stupid to ask where all this money is coming from? All the money we hear, see and know is being thrown around by the campaign office of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). Could this be the fabled dividend of democracy much spoken about in the last 16 years? Is it possible that there is any Nigerian who has not been hit by the PDP cash wagon; at least indirectly?

    The PDP cash train has been hurtling across the land like a mobile, giant ATM machine dispensing cash directly to anyone who as much as stretches out his hands. It is an endless feast and the treat continues till at least March 28, 2015. Not to have picked up your PDP bundle by now would suggest that you are either smart by half or you are ‘poorly’ brought up.

    Being smart by half means that you consider yourself a member of the opposition group whereupon you sit at your corner and pontificate (not unlike Hardball here) about the licentious profligacy of PDP over the treasury in a time of economic failure. You probably forgot that what is being disbursed so recklessly is our commonwealth. On the other hand, you may be ‘poorly’ brought up and unfit for this age in which case you turn your nose up in righteous indignation about this bizarre new dollars and the naira suffrage. By the time you realize that it is a ‘new’ day and age, the deed would have been done and you would have yourself to blame for not cottoning on to the act.

    But it is not too late to join the band, no, money wagon if you are minded. In fact find out from the leaders of your church or mosque if they have already got their share. If the answer is yes, insist on getting your share or you expose them (some church denominations that chose to visit Aso Rock got as much as N20 million). If your church has not got, you may arrange to lead them to Aso Rock quickly to pay homage to the big man and endorse his second term. You will never return empty handed, neither will you be the same again.

    If you are not of any religious group, form an ethnic or tribal association now, especially of southwest or southeast bent. Call it a good name like Igbo Union Howling for Jonathan’s Second Term or O’dua Renaissance Troops for Jonathan. Find your way to Aso Rock. If you cannot get in, let your group mount a sentry at the nearest outpost. Soon enough you will be noticed and ‘settled.’

    If you are lucky, you may be given a bigger assignment like being mobilized to go rally for Jonathan along the famous Lagos-Ibadan Expressway or on the first Niger Bridge. That indeed will be the big stake. By the time you are through hiring the crowd and all the logistics, you would be shocked that you probably have almost as much cash to be able to fix the long-forsaken road.

    There are simply a thousand and one way you can log into this PDP’s who wants to be a billionaire election campaign. It is the new area of growth; the new economy!