The Nation Newspaper

Category: Hardball

  • His master’s muscle

    Remember His Master’s Voice (HMV),  a yesteryear trademark for recording label EMI, which logo was a rather gripping painting of a squatting terrier listening to a wind-up gramophone, even if its snout also appears singing into the trumpet-like flare, which appears like a microphone?

    Those were the days, the oldies especially would remember! The name HMV was coined in 1899 and it went on to rule the global musical waves for many decades later.  His Master’s Voice: could the dog be listening to some vibes and only relaying it into the mike?

    HMV somewhat reminds Hardball of Sulaiman Abba, the newly confirmed Inspector General of Police (IGP).  Like the terrier in the EMI logo, newly minted IGP Abba appears to understand — nay, relish — his master’s voice; so much that he appears to merrily translate that voice into His Master’s Muscle (HMM).

    Proof?  The alacrity with which he yanked off Speaker Aminu Tambuwal’s security details!  By that very heroics,  Mr. Abba, supposedly IGP of the Nigerian state with a duty to protect all, morphed into the exclusive IGP of President Goodluck Jonathan and his Peoples Democratic Party (PDP).

    Sure, the IGP lobbed Section 68(1)(g) of the 1999 Constitution into the fray to explain himself.  As far as IGP Abba is concerned, the Speaker remains deposed.  His master the President has said so.  So, it is the patriotic duty of the dutiful servant, the IGP, to add muscle to his master’s voice!

    What’s in there for this patriotic and gallant policeman?  It’s not easy to say.  But many freely speculate that the poor Abba was so desperate for confirmation as IGP that he would jump at any presidential order, no matter how absurd.  That is no illegitimate supposition, though to be fair to the man, making a man act as IGP with the possibility of non-confirmation is a brazen piece of executive blackmail that should never be exercised.  It is temptation qua temptation, likely to trump anyone, except of course the extremely high-minded, which tribe is vanishing fast.

    Anyway, Abba has made his move and got his prize — if substantive-IGP-as-trophy theory is correct.  But what happens to the polity after, especially in the run-up to a crucial set of elections and with Jonathan’s demonstrable hint that, for 2015, it is do or die?

    Well, the omens are not good.  So, the opposition had better get their acts right.  For the election, it is doubtful if Abba’s Police can guarantee a neutral, non-partisan security for all.  That would mean something terrible: the integrity of the coming elections may not be guaranteed.  With Ekiti and Osun examples, and how security agencies tried to scare and intimidate the opposition, the omens are not good at all!

    Still, IGP Abba is not the first to enter his job with low credibility. His entry pitch as a lackey of the presidency and the ruling party is unfortunate. But it won’t be the first time.

    In 1981, Sunday Adewusi  took over as IGP.  When Mr. Adewusi entered, he picked no bones about the colour of the Police under him — enter Mopol as Kill-and-Go: so vicious was this elite corps, in their partisan duties, that the populace near-instantly named Adewusi’s Mopol that unflattering moniker.

    But what happened after? After helping to skew the 1983 election for the ruling party — in many states, the elections were sheer robberies — that republic unravelled, and everyone was a collective loser.

    IGP Abba may wish to learn from history as he and his Police try to turn their master’s voice into their master’s muscle.  Those who fail to learn from history are easily consumed by it.

     

  • The great scam and its scars

    WE are all familiar with it. Many describe it as one of our unique contributions to the lexicology and etymology of crime and law enforcement agencies in other climes refer to it as so – 419 – after that part of the Criminal Code in which it is written.

    It works in a very simple way. A multi-billion dollar or naira, as the case may be, contract payment is already packaged and sealed for you. All you need do is wire some cash, a kind of facilitators’ fee or commission and the money is all yours. No need to sweat; all is sweet. We all get such mail all the time. They usually come from strange sources, offering big businesses in oil and gas, shipping, construction and many others. The writer is usually either a chief or a prince, a doctor or an engineer. Oh, our love for titles! Some of the writers even claim to be the Governor of the Central Bank.

    Incredibly, many fall for such scams. They get duped of their life savings. Some commit suicide to avoid being held by the neck by furious creditors. Others simply apply the final solution – they commit suicide.

    But ever heard of a nation scammed?

    The other day in Abuja, Defence Chief Air Chief Marshal Alex Badeh announced gleefully that after some talks in Saudi Arabia a ceasefire had been forged with the fiendish Boko Haram that has seized a large part of the Northeast, killing civilians in the most horrific manner. Many soldiers scurry for cover; others  stray into Cameroon in some strange technical maneuvering at the booming of Boko Haram’s guns.

    A ceasefire? How great! The excitement was infectious. The Chibok girls would be back and the saga of one of the world’s biggest abductions would come to an exciting end.

    Hardball was cautious. How could a ceasefire have been so easily hammered out after many years of groping in the dark? Who were the negotiators- sorry, the scammers as it seems to have turned out now?  How did the faceless sect suddenly get a face? Why Chad? Was it all part of the presidential trip to Ndjamena, the one at which former Borno Governor Ali Modu Sherriff was present – the Presidency denied that Sherriff was on its entourage; he was, it said, part of the Nigerian community who came to welcome President Goodluck Jonathan, GCFR, JP–?  Wasn’t the timing suspicious, coming amid the frenetic plan for Dr Jonathan’s announcement of his political future?

    Boko Haram has disowned the ceasefire, which the government seems to have agreed was a scam, and turned on the heat, taking more towns and renaming them in a bloody campaign that has diminished Nigeria.

    How much went down the drain in this failed venture? Who got what? Was our intelligence community asleep? Who will carry the can?

    The question the world is asking now is: so Nigeria can be duped? Oh! The giant of Africa.

  • Jonathan’s campaign: the gravy train sails again

    Jonathan’s campaign: the gravy train sails again

    Even Hardball is awed and shocked at once that the walls and pillars that hold together all the fabrics of state are being chipped at daily. Hardball is even more troubled that the Presidency seems to be on a no-holds-barred rampage to secure a second term for the incumbent president and nothing, absolutely nothing, would be held sacred for this galloping ambition.

    You must have seen the list of the over 200-member Presidential Declaration Committee (PDC) released last week from the State House, Presidential Villa, Abuja. Apart from the sheer size of the horde, there is a disturbing large number of serving public officials on it. It is bad enough that the incumbent president may have shutdown official work in his quest for another term of office, need we blank out the entire government just because one man seeks to fulfill his ambition to rule the country?

    Ayim Pius Ayim, who is the sitting Secretary to the Government of the Federation (SGF), is also the secretary of the PDC and there are about half a dozen governors, including: T.A. Orji, Ibrahim Dankwambo, Babangida Aliyu, Ibrahim Shema, Liyel Imoke and Olusegun Mimiko. They will have to suspend everything else and get on the PDC train. Of course there are tens of former governors and deputies who must have scrambled to make the team.

    Current members of the Federal Executive Council (FEC) and heads of MDAs abound. Notable among them are Mrs. Diezani Alison-Madueke, Osita Chidoka, Jumoke Akinjide, Bala Mohammed and Zainab Maina. There are over two-dozen senators, mostly serving, and a pack of House of Representatives’ members.

    Hardball was under the impression that electioneering campaigns were personal and, at best, party affairs, but President Jonathan is changing all that. It seems to be purely government business now; the cream of the executive council has been mobilised to return the president to power.

    Take note that all the old suspects are there – all the government house ‘rats’ who do not seem to have the capacity to survive outside the precincts of the Presidential Villa; people like Ibrahim Mantu, Jerry Gana, Josephine Anenih, Ambassador Hassan Adamu, Raymond Dokpesi, Ebenezer Babatope, Shuaibu Oyedokun and Abba Dabo. We have known these people to live perpetually on the ‘MV Aso Rock’ gravy boat, not minding which darkling isle it sails. But then Mr. Hardball wise up, life is about gravy, stupid.

    And one small, last note: did you notice as Hardball did, Mrs. Diezani Alison-Madueke at the commanding heights of this campaign host? We mean that she sits at the pinnacle of the Finance Sub-committee. Recall that that was the strategic high-stool occupied by the estranged dowager of Jonathan’s electioneering effort in 2011; we speak of course of no other than the cat-eyed and bewitchingly beautiful Princess Stella Oduah. She was the Exchequer of Jonathan’s 2011 campaign, managing the nebulous Neighbour-2-Neighbour, which dished out money as if it were the sands of the ocean shore.

    Today, Diezani, the Petroleum and Mineral Resources minister, sits atop Jonathan’s candy mountain, what must be a bottomless war chest for the 2015 campaign. What are Nigerians supposed to think now? All the billions of dollars allegedly missing under Diezani’s watch at the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, NNPC; what do you think now dear reader?

  • Jonathan’s hunger

    It may qualify as the most systematically planned and methodically controlled pursuit of power in the country’s history of democratic politics, speaking of President Goodluck Jonathan’s choreographic approach to next year’s presidential election. However, this should not be seen in positive terms.

    Consider his unprecedented exclusive endorsement for re-election by the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) governors, Board of Trustees and National Executive Committee, which practically foreclosed the conventional presidential primary to choose a candidate.

    Add to this picture the reinforcing activities of the obsessive self-defined non-governmental organisation known as Transformation Ambassadors of Nigeria (TAN), which insists on an incomprehensible objective: “the continuation of transformation by President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (GEJ).”  What the group makes of the concept of “transformational government” remains a puzzle because the Jonathan administration has been anything but that.

    Also in the picture is the screening and evaluation of the various Jonathan support bodies for the battle ahead. It was instructive that Jonathan’s Political Adviser, Prof. Rufai Alkali, who coordinated the activities, said:  “As 2015 approaches, we note that the circumstances and fundamentals facing us are somewhat different. The opposition is different; the political landscape is different; the players are different and the issues are different.”  Alkali continued: “To address these issues, the reorganisation of the Goodluck Support Group (GSG) has become imperative. I have, therefore, decided to set up a special GSG reorganisation committee to study all issues concerning the organisation and propose a reorganisation structure that will allow us position for 2015.”

    The long-running entertainment show featured enthusiastic sycophants begging Jonathan to agree to be the PDP presidential candidate in the 2015 general elections. Among the amazing array of Jonathan backers, apart from the highly visible TAN, were Team Goodluck, Presidential View and Endorsement Platform, PDP Women Support Group for GEJ 2015, Youth Coalition for Goodluck, Goodluck Jonathan 2015 Online Group and Light Network for Jonathan 2015. What about The Jonathanians? What a fascinating coinage!

    Possibly the most strikingly intriguing backing was by a certain Ezemagu Sunday Nnamadi, said to be a member of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), who reportedly donated N10, 000 in support of Jonathan’s campaign even when he was yet to express any interest in re-election. A statement on the gift issued by Jonathan’s Special Adviser on Media and Publicity, Dr. Reuben Abati, said: “Your gracious gesture is particularly gratifying.”  It would appear that the suspicious donation further exposed the capacity for creative orchestration in the presidential corridor.

    Jonathan’s ultimate joke concerning his open concealment of his presidential ambition must be his performance at his party’s September 20 “Southwest sensitisation rally.” He could not resist wearing that familiar mask of deception. In his speech on the occasion, he referred to the various endorsements and introduced a calculated complication. He said: “I also have the right of refusal and I thank the party for giving me the opportunity.”

    Whoever thought he might exercise this “right of refusal” must be living on another planet. So, news that he had set up a Presidential Declaration Committee to work towards a November date when he would formally declare his presidential ambition was unsurprising.

    Given the antecedent events, it would be a dim triumph of reptilian sneakiness when Jonathan eventually pronounces his hunger for power.

     

     

  • War as Jagunmolu confronts Ebora Owu

    The pan-Nigeria Baba and Arch-Chairman, Board of Trustees (BOT) on Nigeria’s political health, the incomparable and inimitable President (Gen.) Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, the Ebora Owu and Civil War hero, appears to have got more than he bargained for from another far-less-known Baba, Pa Deji Fasuan, who a news report by The Nation introduced as the Jagunmolu of Ado-Ekiti.  What an insult!

    Baba Obasanjo, who should know (infact who knows everything) has given his final verdict on Gen. Muhammadu Buhari’s well publicised indifference to Muslim-Muslim ticket, even if the whole thing was taken out of the context of an interview. What Buhari said was that having picked two Igbo Roman Catholics as running mates at his earlier attempts at the Nigerian presidency, with no positive effect, he really did not know what Nigerians wanted.

    But Baba, the oracle, has told Buhari to quickly perish the idea — Muslim-Muslim ticket?  Nigeria of today will have none of such nonsense! The propriety of the self-acclaimed father of modern Nigeria involving himself in a religious controversy aside, Chief Fasuan, the Jagunmolu, was not at all impressed.

    Hear the old man blaze: “Olusegun Obasanjo has mounted the rostrum again, climbing the pulpit.  The pontiff has again foisted on the nation his well-known political theology!”  Hot — and irreverent, if Pa Fasuan himself was not an old man!

    And a bit of piquant history: “Obasanjo has forgotten his role in picking leaders and foisting governments on our nation. In retrospect, his actions were informed by malice, favouritism and self-interest. In Nigerian interest,” the old man further roared, “it is difficult to distinguish self-serving admonitions from those of national interest and fidelity. We have many problems facing our nation for anyone to bother about his neighbour’s religion.”

    Well, some bitter and punching truth, if laced with the romantic wish that people don’t bother about their neighbours’ faith.  Maybe in the Southwest, but even then, with the latest Jonathanian divisive religious onslaught, even that cannot be taken as given.

    But the Jagunmolu is not done yet: “Let no leader,” he warned, “however self-serving and self-conscious he is, direct us to any dug-in positions. We have heard a lot of pontificating from yesteryear people (ouch, that hurts! Ebora Owu, yesteryear people?), who have, by their action or inaction in office, put us where we are today.”

    Now, that was awesome!  Is Baba Iyabo diving for cover?

    Then, the Jagumolu’s wish and hope: “What this country needs is competence, commitment, integrity and capability (ironically buzz words that would tumble out of the mouth of the “pontificating” Obasanjo!).  If these attributes  are found in the present leadership, let it continue.  On the other hand, if the electorate can trust a Buhari/Fashola ticket, let it be.”

    The Jagunmolu has rested his case!  But that is hardly the last word on the matter.

    At the end of the day, it could well be a sharp disagreement in opinions between two senior citizens — one a former military ruler and two-term elected president, the other a distinguished Nigerian patriot and proud son of Ekiti.

    Still it is a fitting battle of elders, when the Jagunmolu squares up with the Ebora Owu, on hot political stuff!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • The God of Boateng and the god of NASS

    Hardballwagers that Lord Paul Boateng must still be in shock now. Over one week after he returned from a time out with his Nigerian counterparts, I want to insist that now back in London, he must be regaling his fellow British Lords with dirigible tales from Nigeria, the stunted old colony that is in a deathly contest with extinction.

    Lord Boateng of Ghanaian progeny; is a Peer in the British House of Lords. He was invited over last week by our National Assembly (NASS) members as the keynote speaker at a jamboree they termed: National Prayer Breakfast. It was so very apt and becoming of our lawmakers in their contrived piety to require of their august guest to speak on the topic: “A Nation at Crossroads: The Need for Godly Leadership.”

    Obviously constrained by his nobility and the deeply ingrained decorum only the British can muster, Boateng still made his point only stopping short of lacerating the moronic rascals who had invited him. How dare these fellows invite him to speak about national crisis and godly leadership? The cheek of it! It is either they think the rest of us are living in a bottle and therefore do not know about the havoc they wreak here in the name of governance or they are utterly stupid; Boateng must have said to himself.

    Well, I will lay it square on their hideous backs; yes I owe myself and the rest of the world that duty to tell it to them as it is. Lord Boateng proceeded to do so. Knowing the NASS members for what they exactly are, he specifically told them to shun greed, corruption and selfishness. He advised them to see their election as a call to serve their constituents and not an opportunity to amass wealth.

    “The task of lawmaking is a calling that must be prosecuted only through the leading of God and His Holy Spirit.

    “Anyone who would represent his or her people in whatever capacity effectively must possess the character of God so that they would be able to competently address the plights of all vulnerable groups with confidence,” Lord Boateng admonished.

    He tried to drive in his point when he informed his hosts that the wave of violence, the destructive epidemics and the diabolic corruption ravaging the African continent are all the fruits of bad leadership. He only stopped short of saying as exampled by you, the whole lot of you right under my gaze.

    Boating was obviously hard-pressed to remain courteous and to hold his emotions in check but for a long time he would marvel at what manner of people his fellow Africans are? What impunity; what hypocrisy; what kind of people would live in sin and revel in it? Do they not know that Nigeria’s current NASS stinks to the whole world? Do they not know that they have become the very metaphor for corruption on a global scale? All you have to do is Google corruption in Nigeria’s legislature and you see the shame of a nation emblazoned on the world wide net.

    And they are the first to invoke God, they pray the longest and sing choruses and dance as if god was their father-in-law. But sadly, the only god our legislators know is mammon.

  • Bayelsa revolution consuming own children

    Bayelsa Governor Seriake Dickson loves flaunting his Ijebu maternal roots, perhaps no less than his Niger Delta and Ijaw nativity.  So, the Yoruba quip, that the pasan (whip) that so cruelly tanned the hide of the senior wife is right in the rafters, waiting for the junior wife to push her luck.

    Not long ago, Timipre Silva was the old ‘wife’, whipped cruelly out of office by the Leviathan husband, the Bayelsa presidential powers-that-be, which face happens, at least from news reports, to be First Lady Dame Patience Jonathan.  As far as homeboy presidential influences go, that was humongous power at work!

    Before His Excellency, Timipre could call “Jack Robinson”, he was out there in the cold! And on the sidelines, in those halcyons days in the House of Representatives, was “new bride” Seriake, talking the talk, and acting the act towards those who, in him, were well pleased.

    Remember the January 2012 Occupy Nigeria demonstrations over the alleged oil cabal and the resultant rise in pump prices of petroleum products? As the opposition in the House of Representatives tried to flay the Jonathan administration for its insensitivity and defended the rights of the people nationwide to go on strikes to protest, Mr. Dickson and perpetual Speaker wannabe, Mrs Adeola Akande, formed the counter-arrowhead, defending the Jonathan government. That was no crime because it was a democracy; then it was a debate, and there are always flip sides to any issue.

    But all too soon, the Seriake motive became apparent. Timipre was doomed, the making of an old wife, out of favour. The husband, the mighty Dame herself, was in some tryst, and had found in Seriake, those rare qualities to further rub in the inadequacies of the old wife, Timipre. Again, before you could call “Jack Robinson”, Seriake was out of the House of the Masses with their hot breath in rambunctious debates and allied matters, into the Bayelsa Governor’s Lodge, and its golden diktats and patronages. As an in-favour wife would honour a treasured hubby, Seriake all too soon gifted the golden Dame the sinecure of (many say, super) permanent secretary, even if She who must be obeyed still held court as First Lady in Abuja.

    Well, all that is history now. The hubby is disenchanted again. And the once treasured wife has become an endangered species. And zoom, the furious climb into the rafters — and swish!!! The blala that so tanned the old wife is on its way down to tan the new! What goes round comes round!

    Seriake, other things being equal, appears on his way out, ala Timipre. In comes the new darling, Waripamowei Dudafa. For starters, the mighty Dame has thrown back her super-permanent secretary position at Seriake to, according to news reports, to have the moral platform to face him at the gubernatorial nominations, en route to the 2015 election!  Ah, it’s time for poor Seriake to seek Timipre out for note sharing and perhaps some endangered old wives’ cross tales!  It cannot get any merrier!

    It isn’t clear, of course, if the Seriake planned ouster would succeed or fail. What is clear is that crass opportunism crashes at the slightest hint of trouble.

    The Bayelsa revolution is avidly consuming its own children!

  • Jonathan and Jesus in Jerusalem

    Perhaps only President Goodluck Jonathan can say with exactness why he decided to go on another pilgrimage to Israel this month. It was the second time in his four-year term, which he is, from all indications, praying to elongate through re-election next year. When he played the pilgrim last year, it was not without controversy, especially because of the involvement of Stella Oduah, then Minister of Aviation, who was at the time at the centre of a financial scandal that drew a loud public demand for her sack.

    However, it is not difficult to guess that Jonathan’s repeat pilgrimage may not be unconnected with the 2015 presidential election. The man, whatever his alleged shortcomings, appears to have a definite religious conviction and faith that his prayer for continuation in office would be answered in the holy space of Jerusalem.

    Jonathan’s itinerary in the sacred land included a visit to the Wailing Wall, where he was expected to pray privately before going to Mount Tabor and Mount Carmel, and other spiritually significant sites. Interestingly, the highlight of the pilgrimage was a prayer for Nigeria at an interdenominational church service with the theme, “A day with Jesus for Nigeria in Israel”.

    It is not clear whether Jonathan believed that he needed to be in Jerusalem to have a day with Jesus. If that was the case, he missed the point. Or maybe he thought that his apparently uppermost ambition, to remain at the Presidential Villa for another four-year term, was more likely to be realised if he prayed in Jerusalem. If so, he again got it wrong.

    It is revealing that Jonathan seems anxious to employ every possible means, including the secular and the spiritual, to advance his pursuit of power. Equally noteworthy is the spiritual support he may be getting from certain quarters. The striking presence of some notable religious leaders among the accompanying crowd spoke volumes about the quality of the prayers that were probably offered on his behalf. In Jerusalem with Jonathan were: Chaplain of the Presidential Villa Ven. Obioma Onwuzurumba; Bishop David Oyedepo of Living Faith Church Worldwide; Primate, Church of Nigeria (Anglican Communion), Most Rev. Nicholas Okoh; and President, Christian Association of Nigeria, Ayo Oritsejafor.

    But did they have a day with Jesus? Or, more importantly, did Jesus have a day with them? It may be clarifying to quote Jesus on the Mount of Olives. In Mathew 25, he spoke to his disciples about the judgment of “the sheep” and “the goats”. Jesus said: “Then he will say to those at this left hand, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, I was naked and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not visit me…Truly, I say to you, as you did it not to one of the least of these, you did it not to me.”

    If Jonathan’s record in governance should be judged by the words of Jesus, whom he ostensibly travelled to spend a day with in Jerusalem, he would probably be qualified to be where Jesus referred to as “at this left hand”. In other words, his performance in office, which has observably deepened the country’s harrowing socio-economic conditions, places him among “the goats.”

  • Hardball needs a private jet!

    Woe alas! I have just wised up; no, I have just grown up! I had always wondered why Nigerians suddenly caught the bug of owning private jets (PJs). It must be a crazy man who would shell out between N450 to N500 million to buy one iron bird, I had conjectured in my naïve, child-like mind. Why, a man could build a new town in a corner of the country instead of buying a PJ, a wasting asset, but how plebian, how simple of mind can anyone be!

    From recent discovery, any Nigerian above the age of 18 who does not aspire to own a PJ in the next few months must be a moron. And here are reasons why. One, Nigeria is a supremely rich country and can well afford every Nigerian male a jet of his own. And don’t be a fool to wonder for a second where you will park your PJ, just tell yourself ‘I will park mine where others park theirs. Remember nobody brought parking space from his village.

    Another reason you must not be squirmy about seeking to own a jet of your own today is that it is extremely comfortable. Those who revel in it are quick to regal you with stories about the hedonistic comforts of that toy. It is said that if you flew in it once, you will never wish to fly any other way. In fact they say you will simply come to the realisation that it is indeed a curse to have been flying in those air-molues. Further, if it happens to be the kind fitted with water-bed and Jacuzzi like some of our federal ministers fly, then you will realise that paradise is actually a Nigerian reality and not a celestial construct.

    A third reason you must do anything to own a PJ now (!) is that the rate  the PJ cult is growing, in a couple of years, the DNA of the true Nigerian will be determined not just by the ownership of a PJ but by the number and type of your PJ. Then there will only be two classes of Nigerians – the PJ owners and the hoi polloi. And do not say I didn’t warn you dear reader, when that time comes, it would be easy to determine, or if you like, control the population of the country.

    One innocuous way they – the jet-set, super-rich, super-class – can set about eliminating some of us dregs is to fly up mid-air above our heads in their PJs, they and their kinds and let off a napalm of farting that can exterminate half of us. That way even the UN would not accuse them of using chemical weapons; it would simply be termed accidental discharge from acute bowel disorder. And the case will be closed.

    Perhaps the most important reason you must die for a private jet is that once you own one, you will never be poor again. Opportunities will open to you as if you were an Arabian sheikh. There is nothing you cannot do with your PJ backed by federal might. You can haul currencies for the federal government, ship arms for the security community and carry human cargo and body part for the Baby Factory Group of the Manufacturers Association. Everything is legit with a PJ.

    Ah my boy, in all your getting, get yourself a PJ pronto!

     

  • A – rice oh Agric minister!

    Rice in Nigeria is a conundrum and so has become our ‘honourable’ Federal Minister of Agriculture and Rural Development, Dr. Akinwunmi Adesina. He holds the record as Hardball’s most talked about minister and the reason is obvious – rice is Nigeria’s number one staple and Adesina is intent on not only producing Nigerian rice, he wants Nigerians and the rest of Africa to eat Nigerian rice.

    He has grand ideas and speaks in grandiloquent hyperboles. He also has a knack for throwing figures around like confetti to lend credence to his very hollow words. In fact, he has excellent intentions but the ‘technocrat’ has been taken over by the ‘Nigerian factor’ and his dreams are often far removed from his reality. For instance, he is worried that his dear country spends an injurious $2.5 billion on rice importation from the far-east annually. He thinks it is suicidal for a country of about 170 million people to depend on other countries for its number one staple.

    Great, but what is he doing about it. He has given a deadline for the discontinuation of rice imports in Nigeria – 2017. He increased the tariff on rice imports and imposed a punitive levy on the shiploads upon shiploads of rice streaming into Nigeria from air, land, sea and bush borders. The levy goes into what can be described as a dark account called Rice Development Fund (RDF). The total combined fee importers pay under Adesina’ regime has been 110 per cent in the last three years.

    But the Adesina formula is not working. Tariff on rice in all the neighbouring countries’ ports is in the range of about 20 per cent. The result is that plucky and ubiquitous Indian and Lebanese businessmen are making a killing shipping rice into Nigeria like ‘mad’ through countries bordering us and smuggling same massively into Nigeria. It is, therefore, a case of double jeopardy for Nigeria, losing huge revenues to Indians and yet local rice production is on shaky ground. Home-grown rice accounts for less than 10 per cent of current consumption.

    Most crucially, Adesina is not walking his talk. The little effort in local production is by small holder farmers, businessmen and stakeholders in the Nigerian rice value chain. The local rice is almost non-existent in the market; when they manage to produce, their price is higher than that of the imported/smuggled variety. But what is the Minister doing about all these? Not much beyond making media proclamations and setting and resetting local production self-sufficiency targets.

    The RDF which has been accumulating for over a decade is shrouded in secrecy. Nobody knows how much it is or how it is being deployed.  Engineer Charles Ugwu, an old patriot and a ‘chronic’ rice farmer told The Punch recently that, “At the level of the farmer, we are uncompetitive by almost 50 per cent. By the time I produce I don’t make profit and I try to be patient but no matter  how I try, I cannot reduce that differential…

    “There are a lot of other issues but the first is at the farmer level and finally at the level of infrastructure that we use to process rice in our factories. No power, no water and many other things are not there but we still struggle to be competitive. In the end, it is a lost battle.”

    The key question in the Adesina rice conundrum is where is the RDF; where is the FG support and where is the so-called rice revolution Adesina talks glowingly about?