Behind any successful man is a woman, so goes the common maxim. In reality, the maxim speaks volume about Barrister (Mrs) Caroline Adeneye and her doting husband, Dayo Adeneye, fondly known as D-One. And quite unlike the pack of celebrity marriages that have cracked in recent times and finally broken down irreparably, Caroline’s marriage keeps waxing stronger.
They quite have different interests. She is a lawyer with background in banking and the CEO of Sierra Global Concept, an integrated event management company. He has a life in entertainment as the co-partner in Prime Time Entertainment. But they remain their own greatest fans. They celebrate each other and the marriage has been blessed with lovely children. In this interview with PAUL UKPABIO, Caroline tells us what binds her family together and all the good and down side of being the wife of a celebrity in these shores.
HOW do you feel when your husband openly refers to you as his partner?
I feel very wonderful and I will say there is nothing more than a husband appreciating his wife and openly acknowledging same. What you mean to him and how he perceives you, go a long way. We women don’t actually ask for much. We only ask for the commitment and the assurance from our husbands, that, ‘Look, you mean a lot to me and I love you so much, thank you for tolerating me.’ With that, what else can you ask or wish for? So, I am very happy and I am very privileged to be alive with my whole family. It is a God-given privilege.
But then, why do you think your husband shows open admiration for you?
Yes, he openly says that I am a strong force in his life, but I don’t think I am that force really. God is the force behind our union. He is the ultimate force for the career of my husband; I am just the vessel He uses to achieve that great aim in D-One’s life. Of course, I support my husband hundred percent. I support him to achieve anything legitimate that will keep him going strong as the head of our family. I adore him as my head crown and the patriarch of our family. He is my husband and my role as his wife is to support him and give him all it takes for him to manage the pressure of running the home front. I think I am very fulfilled to have been described that way. But ultimately, God is the founding Father of our love life. Our appreciation goes to Him.
He recently went into politics, did you support his decision and were you not afraid that politics is a dirty game?
Like I said earlier, I will continue to support my husband in any decision he takes, if it is not to rob or steal. If it is to serve his people and add his knowledge to the development of humanity, why not? Why won’t I support him to work and serve this family as the head of the family? I think I will do well supporting him. When he was going into politics, I was the first person he shared the experience with. He didn’t just go into politics, he was called upon to serve by his people and he was convinced that his presence was needed. Severally, during our campaign activities in Odogbolu, people were treating us like stars. It was like a great homecoming and I couldn’t believe for a second that a people will so much cherish change like that. So, I feel honoured that D-One is my better half. My husband is a loveable personality and that is one thing that has worked for him so far. He is a leader in all ramifications; I am his number one fan and anything I can do to support him, I do.
And talking about politics being a dirty game, politics is not dirty; it is the attitude that people bring into it that makes it dirty. My husband contested for a position in his constituency and because he respected constituted authority, when he was asked to step down, he did. But he was never dirty about it. He continued to support the party and because of his genuine intention for quality leadership, he was appointed as a member of the Media and Publicity Committee for His Excellency, Governor Ibikunle Amosun. That alone speaks loud of his philosophy. He has been able to define politics and change the perception about how it is being played. Politics is not dirty; it is the attitude that people bring to it, that gives it a negative or positive colour.
What do you admire about your husband?
So many things but I will mention three: My husband is focused, calm and very forthright. If you hand a project to my husband, you can rest assured that he will do it within the shortest of time. He is much focused. I have never seen a man like that. And because he is calm, he equally gets on board before everyone else and signs off earlier than every other person. Then, his forthrightness marvels me so much. He is sincere to a fault. These are the qualities I find in him and I think that is the hallmark of his manliness. He is a great man.
What do you dislike about D-One?
He is too strict. My husband is too strict; you can’t be lazy and find comfort around him. When he says no, he means it. And when he says yes, he means it. People don’t know this because he keeps a celebrity outlook. Though some people are mistakingly taken in by his celebrity outlook to be just anyhow person, but far from it, my husband is strict and he could just take you to the extreme. He is almost a perfectionist in everything he does. Most times, I am tempted to think that it has to do with his teaching background. He was a teacher way back in the United States for a period of seven years and today, some of his students run big corporations. I think he has a knack for excellence and mediocrity does not sell with him. Maybe because I am the closest to him, and then the children too; so, he expects nothing but excellence from us. He is very strict.
What lessons has your marriage taught you?
Our relationship has taught me how to be positive and how to manage people. I am a lawyer by profession and most times, even though I relate with people more than him, I easily get put off if the person does not match my temperament. But my husband was the one who taught me how to see the positive sides of people and maximise that side. My husband believes that for every man, no matter how defaulting he is, there is always a better side that one can explore to his benefit. He is the one who told me that I should always look out for the 30% goodness in any human being and should try to use that 30% to nullify the 70% negative. You know, I told you my husband is very calm, he can tolerate you even for a decade, no matter how bad you turn out to be. He has this excellent spirit of long-term relation. If my husband gets off with you, that could mean that you are a terribly bad person. But even at that, he can tolerate you for a while.
He is the main assessor when it comes to human relations in our businesses. Secondly, my husband is a happy person by attitude. He is the one who taught me how to make a day positive. He usually tells me that if you wake up in the morning and shout or get angry, then the entire day may be messy for you. But if you wake up with a booming attitude or a happy attitude, the entire day will turn up happy for you. He strongly believes that everyday is amazing and on that note, you can make the week amazing; you can make the month amazing; you can make the year amazing and even you can just make an entire decade amazing. That is him for you.
Which of your children is taking after him?
Maybe my first daughter, Nicole; she is science-inclined, but she is the social prefect in their school and she is always the one organising any entertainment event there. She is talented when it comes to entertainment, but she is likely to study medicine. She is also a good photographer but, we are in a world where a hobby can go for business, while one’s discipline is saved for another day. My son, Bryan, is equally interesting; there was a day he recorded some raps and when his dad came, he gave it to him and the man was just laughing. He laughed and laughed his jaw off because he was surprised.
But knowing the kind of father they have, they are all serious with their studies and even if you want to be in entertainment, you must study first. Study makes perfect and talent without education could be violent. My last child, Ashley, is a lovely dancer but she asks a lot of questions. She is very young but, she has it going for her. So, I think all of them took a trait off their father’s profession. I am proud of them. And at times I come home and they will just say ‘mummy, listen to this new song’ and I will say, ‘where did you get it from?’ And they will say, ‘Ah, mom you are not in town.’ and I will say, ‘I am in town but I and daddy are looking for money to pay your school fees and take care of you.’ And we will laugh it off. So, there is prospect that these kids have a lot in common with their father, but they are still young to take independent decisions.
So, how do you handle the fact that he is more popular?
Yes, I am more on the quiet side socially. You will never know this but I can tell you that in terms of attitude, he is quieter than me. Surprisingly, I make friends more easily than my husband. He is shy and reserved. But most people don’t know this; they often look at the showbiz side of my husband. Unfortunately, that is his job and not his personality.
He once told us that you are the one that really celebrates his birthday annually.
Yes, for the yearly birthday gigs in his honour, I have to do that because he is my crown. The Bible says, ‘our husbands are the crowns that adorn our heads.’ I celebrate my crown because he is the head of my family. It is not that he doesn’t celebrate me as well, but because he is more on the public side, if I send out 10 invitations for a party in his honour, I see 100 people turning up. There was a year we had a peculiar experience. It rained heavily and the weather was not too friendly. We set up the event for 2pm and the rain and knocked everything down and we thought the event was over because of the kind of weather we had. But at 4pm when the rain stopped, I couldn’t believe the number of people who came in between 4pm and 6pm. The human traffic was heavy. It was on a Sunday; you won’t believe that as at 1am, I had to turn off the music and I said, ‘Look, you are all going to work tomorrow’ and they said, ‘No, we love D-One, we appreciate him and we are not in a hurry to stop the party.’ For us, we see it as a way of life and we equally appreciate people who share our success with us.
How do you handle his absence due to his nature of work?
I think he is in a better position to answer that question. I think the good thing that happened to me was that I married Dayo Adeneye. I didn’t marry D-One. So, we are like normal couples. D-One is the showbiz personality everyone sees and craves for, while Dayo Adeneye is my husband and father of my children. We go through what normal couples go through and we get over things together. Yes, as a family, we have more of his absence than his presence. It is a bit better now. I remember when I was having kids, he was not always there. You will discover there is eight years gap between Nicole and Bryan, the first and second child.
Those days when I went to the hospital, my doctor will say, ‘I don’t know why you are coming here because your husband is never around.’ The man will say, ‘The day you start travelling with your husband, you can come back to see me. Stop coming to give me your money; I am not interested in your money.’ That was what my doctor told me and true to his word, it was when I travelled with him D-One, that I got pregnant with Bryan because he was never there. He was always travelling to cover one event or the other across the world. So, I went with him on that particular trip because the doctor said if I don’t go, I should not come back to him; that I should not say I am not pregnant when my husband is not always there.
That is that; I think in all these years of knowing Dayo, I think I can count how many times we have celebrated Valentine’s Day together. So, maybe that is why when our birthday comes, he tries to celebrate it for me in a modest way. Then, I celebrate him annually because most times, he is not always around.
Your husband is a ladies’ man, how do you handle women around him? Do you feel bad when you hear tales about women dying to have him since he is a celebrity?
No. There is one thing I have to appreciate my husband for; I have to give kudos to him for one thing, he respects me and he would not go out of his way to do anything he knows a wife won’t like to see. But you can also understand that female fans are crazy; they go all around him and all that, but when we go for public events and they do their stuff to him, I don’t really care because he is going home with me. That is the most important thing.
Have you ever checked his phone and stumbled on some crazy text?
I don’t think there is, because my husband knows I don’t have the time. I don’t check his phone. Why should I desire to give myself unnecessary headache? You check today, you see a female name; tomorrow you see another female name. It is unnecessary; a man who loves you will do everything necessary to protect his home and like I said, I give kudos to my husband; he tries to make me happy. He tries to avoid things that will make me unhappy. So, what else would I ask for? Snooping around? That means I am not busy.
What are the benefits of being D-One’s wife?
Yes, the goodwill my husband has from the public rubs off on me on many occasions. I really appreciate it because I feel very great. I feel wonderful and I feel blessed to be Mrs Caroline Adeneye because anywhere I go, people favour me. Though I try to hide my identity but perhaps by chance, someone who has seen my face in one magazine or the other is quick to ask, when I say Caroline Adeneye, ‘Oh, are you D-One’s wife?’ So why didn’t you let us know earlier? ‘Don’t you know D-One is our Egbon?’ And before I know it, they will pull me out of the line and give me an express attention; what else can someone ask for? So, his good name opens doors for me and I pray God will continue to prosper him and make him fulfill his dreams in life.
As a lawyer, you also run Sierra Global Concept, a leading event management company, is your husband not jealous that you could be richer than him?
Dayo allows me to grow; he allows me to expand; he allows me to do whatever makes me happy. If I say I want to do this, he will tell me the way to go about it and all that. So what else can I ask for in a man? A man who allows his wife to grow, like he tells me, ‘I don’t care if you are richer than me, all that matters is that you are still my wife; so, why would I be bothered? Because whatever money you make belongs to the family and what is life about? Life is too short; our biggest priority is to live as one in truth and with sincerity of purpose.’ And his prayer is that God should give me good health to enjoy the benefit of my labour. That has always been my husband’s wish for me. He is a much secured man without fear for his wife’s success.
Why do you think your marriage has lasted these 18 years?
The secret of a successful marriage life rests in three things; they are patience, patience and patience. Those are the three things you need to secure your marriage. My mum told me this when I was getting married. My parents had reservations for showbiz people. They believed they don’t keep good wives; they don’t keep good homes and all that. I insisted that it was Dayo I wanted, but they refused to honour our proposal for two years and I had to have my baby before our marriage. My daughter was almost two years when we had our marriage because there was resistance from my parents. But when they finally succumbed and gave their blessing. My mum said to me, ‘My daughter, you have to wear a garment of patience because we that are not even married to people in the public arena, we romance patience, not to talk of people like you who are marrying stars. So, patience and friendship matters. When you are friends, you build trust and trust becomes the tripod on which patience will stand and with patience, you will be able to do anything.
Secondly, you must be able to communicate; it is a very powerful weapon for a successful marriage. But I equally found out that in Africa, majority of the men are not too open for communication. They think you want to know so much. But I will tell you that whatever your husband feels you should know, just accept it. Later, he will start opening up to you. Don’t force him because Africa is a man’s world, it is the West that harbours the opinion that women are strong. If you want to succeed in your marriage here, you must be very humble and understand how it works here.
You must put upon yourself a permanent garment of peace so that your marriage can earn a silver jubilee, a golden jubilee and if possible a diamond jubilee. Patience is the key word and that is what I tell women of nowadays; don’t even believe what you see in the film or read in the novel. The one in the film is film trick and the one in the novel is fiction. Reality is different from film trick or fiction. The man you live your entire life with is not only your father but your teacher and chief instructor.
Tell us about your style?
My style is ageless. Style, for me, is timeless but I won’t kill myself to fit into the bandwagon. I can wear anything that sits well on me and the mood of the occasion comes into reference once in a while. To me, style should be timeless not seasonal. I am not a rave-of-the-moment kind of person. I wear what soothes my mood for the best reason known to me and to the appreciation of fans and enthusiasts.
What are your best fashion accessories?
My shoes (laughs)! I am not an Imelda Marcos but I like shoes. My shoes speak well for me and I will only need to invite you to my shoe rack for you to judge better.
What dress won’t you be caught with in public?
Maybe bum pants. I used to wear that when I was much younger but today, you can’t find me putting on a bum pant either at home or elsewhere. As an African woman, one must protect the sanctity of one’s womanhood. That is me.
You have a role model?
None!
What about books?
My husband encourages me to read positive power books and I have several of such books that I cannot remember the name of my favourite author now but I think I like the book, Everyday is a Friday by Joel Austin. You know, people are always ecstatic when it is Friday, but the author said, ‘Hey, why not make everyday your own Friday? Because in the real sense, you never can tell which one will be your last day on earth. You may never even see the next Friday. So, make every day your Friday.’ I also read the book Power and Secrets by Ronda Bryne. These books have changed so many things about me. It has given me more energy to be sincerely happy with myself, even in the lowest of moments.
