Category: Hannatu Musawa

Recently, I have been inundated with requests from readers who wish me to share their tragic personal stories on the social media of close friends and family who were attached and murdered as a result of terrorism, armed robbery or random violent attacks. What continues to shock me is, not so much that these acts happen, but the frequency of it. When one thinks about murder, it’s the incredulous audacity that one human would have to mercilessly take another being’s life in their hands and cruelly and maliciously ending it so abruptly.

Whether it’s the mob murder of the Aluu 4, the slaying of Cynthia Osakagwu, the assassination of Harry Marshal or Bola Ige, the terrorist bombing of people or the murder of so many innocent Nigerians horrific criminal acts have the ability to repel and absorb us at the same time. At the heart of this cocktail of emotions is a search for closure. And unless we know why the violation was enacted and what causes such acts of violence, it is hard to put it behind us and get that closure.

Calculating, cold and in search of the perfect crime, each killer selects a dissimilar method of murder. From contract killing, terrorism, vigilantes, armed robbery to the bewildering act of serial killings, there is no set formula to the chilling acts, only one common theme: murder in cold blood.

In our community most murderers appear to escape without retribution, some don’t, all however, are determined to kill. I believe that murderers individually reveal a kaleidoscope of human sentiments: anger, hatred, bitterness, remorse, guilt, horror among others; a roller coaster of emotions are on display as each operation races towards its inevitable conclusion, the death of another. As observers in today’s information possessed society we are persistently confronted with the cruel deeds that mankind is capable of. Every time one picks up newspapers or turns on the news the information is bordering on suicide bombings, assassinations, armed robbery or serial murders. As one paddles through the reality of our world, one wonders what causes a human being to voluntarily and actively commit such a dire act against another human. But the origin of criminal violence has been one of our most perplexing and unsolved mysteries. And even though numerous studies have been conducted in the hope of finding some kind of explanation, to date no theory or statistical sample has yielded a conclusive explanation of why some people assault, maim, torture, and murder.

In past research some of the factors that have been considered to cause violence in humans include, childhood brutalization, subjugation, class, violent media, bad parenting, head trauma, alcoholism or drug abuse and mental illness. Although I would agree that it is much too easy to attribute violent behaviour to a specific source, because it may be a way of justifying it, I would still like to consider the possibility of them being contributing factors.

The first of these factors is the belief that serious violent behaviour is almost always the by-product of a single specific developmental pattern such as childhood brutalization or suppression and a warped understanding that violence can bring respect. This theory suggests that serious violent behaviour is an intimate multistage process, starting with child abuse, which leads to belligerency, occasional violent episodes, and, later, pathological violence. Though many people have long suspected links between child abuse and adult violence, the theory is contentious, to say the least, because most of the people who have experienced a violent childhood have not transferred it to their adult life. Instead statistics show that they opt to reverse the abuse by prohibiting it from featuring in their professional and personal lives and we find thousands of them grow up to be doctors and lawyers, and, God help us, politicians.

Another factor which is heavily considered when analyses of killers are made is the concept of brain disorder. This concept to be attributed predominantly to serial killers; a person who commits a series of murders, often with no apparent motive and usually following a similar, characteristic pattern of behaviour. In the past, I have done extensive research on the phenomena of serial killers, I can honestly say that the accounts contain the most sordid and gruesome information I have ever known. The worst of the cases I studied was the practices of Jeffery Darhmer, a mental, sociopath who found joy in the practices of necrophilia and cannibalism. Darhmer had a fascination with corpses and the dead and he considered murder only as a process whereby he can achieve his ultimate desire. After he killed his victims, Darhmer would engage in lewd acts with the cadaver, after which he would eat some of the raw flesh, then skin the body before dissolving the remaining flesh in acid and keeping the skull as a souvenir.

At the time his crimes were discovered, he had an array of skulls as decorations on his mantle piece and stew made from human flesh in his fridge. Although this manner of serial killing crime is not too common in these parts of the world, I was surprised to find that there were scores of cases around the world with a similar pattern.

Undoubtedly, serial killers are the worst type of killers, apart from the fact there is no limit to the amount of times they commit murder, the manner in which they execute the act sometimes beggars belief. But the question remains; why and what does it take to drive apparently ordinary human beings to murder in such a morose manner?

For a crime such as serial killing there are two main schools of thought. The first is that serial killing is caused by an abnormality in the brain. Another theory is that serial killers are bred by incident and circumstance. Scientists believe that there is evidence that both theories can verify that serial killers are genetically different, suggesting that serial killing can find its birth in genetics. Statistics do show that a large number of convicted serial killers have been clinically diagnosed with a mental illness and severe head injuries when they were children.

Despite this scientific reasoning, I reject the claim the brain damage is the motivator for all serial killings because the majority of serial killers admits that they were perfectly aware of what they were doing before, during, and after the crime. Some even confess that they know that what they were doing was wrong, and contemplated stopping after the first crime. The thrill derived from murder is a temporary fix. Like any other powerful narcotic, homicidal violence satisfies the senses for a time, but the effect soon fades. And when it does, a predator goes hunting and a murder occurs again. All said and done, it may just come down to the fact that, at the end of the day, most people kill either for personal gain; revenge, money or pleasure. However, statistics have been known to show the preponderance of the Caucasian race in the commission of such acts for pleasure.

Although I can go on highlighting the many theories for violent behaviour resulting in murder, they may be considered merely cultural scapegoats and other factors have to be taken into account. For example, the fact that guns are accessible, people are greedy and ruthless, hard ship is on the increase clearly seem to be factors in violent crimes and murder. But the bottom line is that people become violent by choice. And even though they have been brutalized, they nevertheless face decisions as a result of those experiences, thus their choices.

People who aren’t violent imagine themselves snapping and recognize times when they find themselves suddenly very angry. But violent people aren’t any different from the rest of us in their decision-making process, in their process of interpreting situations. They get angry, they get frightened; they get frustrated, they feel hatred. But at that point, their interpretation of what to do about those feelings is that those are appropriate times to use serious violence. That’s where they differ from the rest of the society that make the more rational choice.

Most people have at one point or another imagined throttling a person because they displayed tendencies that they did not like. However, not everyone makes the choice of acting out that dark desire. Because murder is no small feat, one can only imagine that it takes a particular kind of iniquitous state of mind for one to commit murder in cold blood.

Shocks of excruciating pain radiate across the side of the face like a fierce electric shock. It feels like fire or hot coal is being held to the face while that same face is being stabbed with a sharp object and a razor-blade scraping down it leaving it raw and bleeding. When the sharp, stabbing and shock-like pain starts, there is no relief for days, months or even years. That is the painful experience that people who suffer from the dreadful and paralyzing condition of trigeminal neuralgia (TN) have to endure on a constant or regular basis.

TN is a very uncommon disorder which causes facial pain that is associated with the trigeminal nerve that carries sensation from the brain to the face. When there is a blood vessel pressing on the trigeminal nerve as it exits the brainstem, it causes a compression with the potential to wear away the protective coating around the nerve. TN symptoms can also occur in people with multiple sclerosis or may be caused by damage as a result of compression from a brain tumor. In many cases, a cause cannot be identified.

The pain is one of the most excruciating agonies a person may experience.  The disorder has been described as one of the most painful conditions seen in medicine and is generally referred to as the suicide disease because the pain experienced is so spasmodic, paralyzing and intense that it has been known to have driven some people to suicide in some societies.

 When the condition strikes, even the slightest touch to the face, whether it’s a breeze, hair falling onto the temple, simply brushing the teeth, head movements, talking, eating or even a loud noise may trigger flashes of pain. There is no relief from the pain. The pain suffered as a result of TN is the type of pain that no one believes unless they have experienced it themselves. It is relentless and takes over a life to the extent where it is difficult to find any joy in life.

The triggers are so many, and it is impossible to avoid them during the course of everyday living. Considering that the episodes of the attack are precipitated by even the mildest sensory stimulus, when a person is suffering an attack it becomes impossible for them to communicate effectively. Their life becomes an existence riddled with excruciating pain or the anticipation of pain at every moment. Even when the condition goes into remission, that period of relief usually lasts a short time — if the sufferer is lucky enough to have one at all.

Because TN is so uncommon, most physicians have very little experience with it and many fail to identify it on first diagnosis. This makes it very difficult for patients that have to endure living with the pain without having access to proper treatment. There have been several incidents where people suffering from TN have been referred to dentists by physicians who presume that the pain to the face is caused by a toothache. And in a large percentage of those cases, patients have had their teeth removed by dentists in order to ease that pain that is perceived to be caused by an abnormality in dentition, making the pain of TN presumably worse.

 Part of the challenge faced by both sufferers of TN and the medical practitioners is the fact that there is no single test to diagnose TN. Diagnosis is generally based on the patient’s medical history, description of symptoms and a physical and thorough neurological examination by a physician. And because of overlapping symptoms and the large number of conditions that can cause facial pain, obtaining a correct diagnosis is difficult, but finding the cause of the pain is important as the treatments for different types of pain may differ. However, whilst the trigeminal nerve might be involved, it does not automatically establish the diagnosis of TN.

There is no cure for TN; at least not a permanent one. Even though there are several options a sufferer can have access to in order to manage the condition and there is the possibility of the condition going into remission for a period of time, people who live with TN generally have to manage it for the full duration of their lives.

 Currently it may be managed by a combination of medications, ranging from anti-convulsions, anti-depressants, strong opiates, muscle relaxants or anti-inflammatories. These medications often have awful side effects such as confusion, dizziness, memory loss, chronic fatigue, drowsiness, weight gain, to name but a few, and, in many cases, they do not even completely control the pain. However, in cases where medication fails to relieve the pain of TN or produces intolerable side-effects, there is the option of surgical treatment.

 The neurosurgical procedures available to help with TN depend on the individual’s preference, physical well-being, previous surgeries and the area of trigeminal nerve involved. The most common surgical procedure suggested to sufferers of the condition is known as microvascular decompression. However, although this brain surgery results in the longest period of pain relief, it is the most invasive and can have very serious consequences.

 Another option is to have a rhizotomy. And although the rhizotomy is not as invasive as the microvascular decompression, it includes a method where the nerve fibers are destroyed to block pain. This causes some degree of permanent sensory loss and facial numbness sometimes causing the side-effect of hearing loss, balance problems, infection, and stroke. But the most discouraging aspect of any of the procedures and treatment of TN is that, no matter what procedure is adopted, often the condition will at some point still return.

 There are also assortments of drug treatment available to quell the pain of the disorder, of which Carbamazepine is the most effective. But this drug has a lot of side-effects such as vertigo, drowsiness, ataxia and double vision; so elderly patients may not be able to tolerate this drug.

 Given the seriousness of TN and given the fact that it is universally considered to be the most excruciatingly painful condition known to medical practice, it is shocking that it remains relatively unknown. Sufferers of TN have until now been silent but have begun a push to be pro-active by trying to raise awareness and understanding of the condition that has destroyed lives. They did so by marking October 7, 2013, as the first International Trigeminal Neuralgia Awareness Day. So, this Monday, dozens of buildings and structures across the world lit up teal for the day and it was used as a starting point for TN suffers to get recognition. An online petition was also submitted to the World Health Organization asking for TN to be added to their “Health Topics List”. Globally, this will raise awareness, give access to resources, create opportunities for funding and research, would increase understanding and give individuals access to information.

It is important for facts about TN to be shared in public and stories of sufferers to be told so that people who may have family or friends that suffer from the condition may learn and become more aware of how to support sufferers of this dilapidating and horrendous condition.

Living with a debilitating, life-changing condition, for which simple things that most people take for granted like brushing teeth, eating, talking, or even moving the head is impossible, is like living with the enemy. For those who struggle to survive the pain and the harsh medications that accompany it, they can only pray that a cure is found for the world’s most excruciating pain. Because nothing can be worse than living a lifetime of unimaginable pain where one is driven to their knees. Unfortunately, that is the painful reality of those who live with TN, the enemy within.

My Dearest Nigeria,

I’m writing you this letter fully knowing that you’re going to think everything I’m about to tell you is complete rubbish, because at the stage you are now, you’re a nation with so much promise and hope; a nation that is out to conquer the world. OK, right off the bat, I will tell you that your plans to conquer the world are not going to happen.

Today, 1st October, I am 53 years since independence and you are 5 years and I’m writing you this as a warning of things to come. For you, it has been five years since your illustrious children such as Herbert Macaulay and Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe helped gain independence for you from the British colonial masters. And even though that journey was riddled with several road blocks, on the 1st October, 1960 when you were granted independence, you came out of it in the end with a hope for a very bright future. Oh what a time, what a time! I remember very fondly the pride on the faces of your young children, the hope in their hearts, the beauty that lay across your breadth, the envy of the world at the promise you held… Behold the giant of Africa; Behold Nigeria!

But as you read this letter, very shortly a chain of events will occur that will have such a disastrous and far reaching effect and give way to the circumstance that propels me to write you this warning letter today. This chain of events will start on the 15th January, 1966 in a military coup. I wish I could tell you everything to stop you making the same mistakes I did, but I can only say a few. The rest you have to figure out yourself. There is so much you need to know about the things you will be going through very shortly. Some of this won’t make sense for a long time. And some of it will go against everything you know about yourself. But it needs to be said by me…, by you.

In exactly forty eight years you are going to find yourself at the midst of a crisis; a crisis which, although created by your children and by you, could be quelled if you could give your children the will to fight for your survival. It is a crisis whose footprints are riddled in the scorching political landscape of your fourth republic; a republic that could come tumbling down based on the choices and route the elections of 2015 are going to take. It is a crisis that could spell doom for you; the most populous nation in Africa; a crisis that is being created by the selfish ambitions of individuals, leaders and former leaders to the detriment of 150 million of your brethren.

I know it may sound ludicrous to you now Nigeria but there is other hard truths to tell. You are going to be a nation that is reviled and mocked the world over and your children are going to harbor such a deep and innate hatred for each other, the likes of which created such catastrophe and pain during Hitler’s Holocaust and the sectarian massacres in Rwanda. Extremism will run so deep in the veins of some of your offspring that they would commit the most monstrous of acts against one another. Bigotry will eat at the heart of your very own that their spirit and soul will only exist in the dark corridors of loathing and hatred. Those of your decedents, whom you bequeath the mantle to lead your kingdom, will betray you in the worst of ways; they will bastardize their position and loot your treasures dry. Selfishness, greed, corruption, pain, poverty, suffering will come to define your children as a people and you as an entity.

You will be a 53 year old who will be immature and have no sense of direction. Your many years will be marked by nothing apart from nonsense, lawlessness, crumbling infrastructure and little power infrastructure. All you will be able to boast of at 53 will be dilapidated Schools and glorified Universities where strikes, violence and cult reign supreme. At 53, you will have no functional rail system, no credible election system and an elite force that cares little about the mass population in your space. As I write this to you, I can only boast of a few major achievements other than terrorism, kidnapping, armed robbery, stealing of public funds, rigging of elections, political instability and 419. Today, you are one of the poorest countries in the world despite the huge human and natural resources you have had at your disposal.

You will be seen as a tragic love story, looked upon as a pathetic entity and as a reprehensible excuse for a nation. As big and populated as you are, you will feel minute and unworthy whenever you face those that should not even square up to you and those who have not had the opportunities and resources that you have been endowed with. Africa and other nations in our continent will be suspicious of you. And if you look past what you may consider to be a cruel assessment by our continental siblings by myself, lives a hard truth that you must come to terms with before you can make right what is wrong within you.

When you look at your existence since 1914, you will see many of the mistakes you could have avoided and many of the bad choices that you made. As I stand here at the age of 53 since independence writing to you at the age of five, I don’t think either of us could have imagined we would be living a nightmare at the age of fifty-three after our independence.

When you get to where I am now, you will recall all the incidents that led you to where you are and you will regret that each incident wasn’t addressed and tackled there and then. In 1964, when we were doing well, we ignored the eruption of several crises such the fractionalization of the Action Group Party in the Western Region, the Census Crisis, the Electoral Crisis, Tiv Crisis and the agitation by minority people for greater autonomy and we swept those troubles under the carpet ignoring the fire they would ignite.

As I reflect, I remember the mess created by the toppling of the civilian government of Sir Abubukar Tafawa Balewa on the 15th January, 1966 in a military coup that was led by Major Chukwu Emeka Kaduna Nzeogwu. When The Prime Minister, the Premiers of the Northern and Western Regions, Sir Ahmadu Bello and Chief Akintola were all killed, it was inevitable that the embers of ethnic nationalism and regionalism would be inflamed but we did nothing to mediate between our children then. A lot of damage control could have been done then. Then there was the civil war. After the war when it was announced that there would be, ‘No victor and no vanquished’, we knew that the proclamation was complete rubbish. After all, how can groups of people go to war in which one group is decimated and they be expected to feel like a victor and not the vanquished? Again we did nothing to settle our children’s minds.

During the course of our development, when the military was playing Russian roulette with the leadership of the country by overthrowing each other, we never tried to heal the deep scars that the nation carried within the psyche of the individuals that participated in this macabre dance. Up until now, that dance is still being played with the same actors still actively participating and sabotaging each other in politics.

When the military promised to give way to civilian rule, yet annulled the freest and fairest elections we have ever seen, it was amazing that it never occurred to us how much the course of our route would be changed.

When we eventually had a constitution which was to guide our new democratic dispensation and within that constitution, no state was allowed to adopt any religion as the state law, many thought it was because we wanted to protect the country against the rise of religious extremism. Yet when some of our children went ahead to develop religion as a state law, we did nothing to remind them that civil aspects of religious law was already part of the state law because the Penal Code included civil parts of Shari’a law. Out of fear, we watched as some governors used religion to gain political favour and we kept silent when that seed grew to a point where people are justifying the mass murder and decapitation of fellow Nigerians in a misrepresented interpretation of faith.

When we drowned out the fighting and drama between our own children, in our own home, we gave way to the negativity of the few bad spawn within our midst. And this is what has shaped what I am and what will, in due course, shape who you will become.

I am giving you the chance that I never had. I am telling you that you have no choice Nigeria but to make yourself right, to battle your demons and heal yourself from within. To give your coming generations a fighting chance, you must desperately fight to escape what I represent today. I need you to realize the effect that my grown-up actions and the actions of our children will have on the next generation of Nigerians who watch and learn from the bad example I have set.

I know that you cannot get everything right and you cannot be perfection, but what is important is for you to try to be better than I am. You have got to get it together and fight for your future.

I understand that some of our children and even you sometimes think that the problem of Nigeria lies in the creation of Nigeria in itself. There is no doubt that the underling objective for the fusion of the Colonies and Protectorates that eventually made you a nation was purely economic from the point of view of the British colonialists. This has led to the view that Nigeria is a failure because she was cobbled in such a manner. But even as some describe us as ‘a mere geographical expression’, we should never subscribe to that view. After all, there are so many countries with great industrial, military, economic and political powers that were artificially created in the same manner. That has never been and will never be an excuse.

That is just the tip of the iceberg Nigeria. Like I earlier mentioned, I felt the need to write this to you because in 48 years’ time, you will find yourself in the middle to a crisis which may be the precipice of your existence. This should be your wake-up call. See the beauty and virtue of your differences and diversity and you will realize that your cup is half full.

My failures leave you with many valuable life lessons. Use this to your advantage in order to make sure that your greatest weakness actually turns out to be your greatest strength. I know it’s a tough one to swallow, but it will only be upon that realization that you will able to start turning things around. Even if the differences that represent us are not going to go away, once we learn to harness it, it will lead us from a rather self-destructive path to a highly productive one.

You must not let anything distract you and blind you to what’s really in front of you. And what really is in front of you Nigeria? You are. You don’t even know yourself yet. You think you know and you want to assert that you do, now that you’re a certain age, but you don’t. What’s in front of you is a whole world of mistakes and bad choices beyond your imagination. And my warning to you is to tread with caution.

Put yourself, and your growth and development first, grab the unity that you promised your children who were the forefathers. Unity… Yes unity! That is the key. If you dissect your innermost problems Nigeria, you will find that in the core of each and every one of your problems and mistakes lays the lack of unity and the religious, ethnic, tribal and regional dichotomy that drives our people and drives a wedge in our necessity of that unity.

You must teach your children that the unity of you as Nigeria must come before the unity of any tribe or region. It is only then that you and they will be able to objectively separate the good from the bad and ostracize the bad and uphold the good in the interest of the nation. It is only then that you can see facts clearly through clear vision not through bigoted and jaundiced eyes.

Everything you do, every thought you have, every choice you make creates a legacy that you will hold within your entity and that will come to define your history. It’s imprinted on you as a nation and on generations of your children and it affects you all in the most subtle ways; ways that you may never be aware of. With that in mind Nigeria, please be very conscious, be very careful and be very smart. Wish you the best for the next 48 years when we shall hopefully merge again as one. I will be watching with high hopes for you.

Forever with you always,

From Nigeria

In the book Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture the author, a Canadian named Douglas Coupland, wrote a

masterpiece that started out as a fictional novel but became the defining characteristic of a whole generation. The story is about the traits and struggles of three young strangers born between 1965 and 1980 who decide to distance themselves from society to get a better sense of who they are. The book was so revolutionary that the title was adopted to describe the particular generation the characters of the book came from. Several literatures have interpreted the features of various generations by labelling them with popular terms used to describe the characteristics of the era they emerged from. For example missionary-generation was given to those who grew up in the era of western colonisation when there were numerous missionary operations and war-generation has been used to describe those that grew up around the World War I and II period.

Following the same pattern, one can easily describe the generations in Nigeria by drawing from occurrences in our history. For obvious reasons, the most palpable terminology would be to categorize our forefathers of the pre-Awolowo time as the colonial-generation, those of the Independence era as the independence-generation and the generation after that as the military-generation. Because the generation that comes after the military-generation have not had much of an opportunity to participate in national issues due to their voices being dimmed by their predecessor generation, a befitting name for them might be the silent-generation. In accordance with Douglas Couplands’ book; due to their somewhat blasé attitude, the generation following the silent-generation that encompasses the twenty six to forty one year olds should be known as generation-X with the young generation after that as generation-Y.

Each generation was born into an idiosyncratic social milieu; unique events encountered by them shaped the attitudes and conduct of that generation in different areas in distinction to those of the generations that preceded or followed it. Thus, arguably different age groups tend to see things similar to those born within their age but different from those of other generations because their thoughts have been shaped by the cultural norms, occurrences, behaviours, atmosphere and habits prevalent within their epoch. It is these different standards that manifest itself in each generations’ psyche to give credence to the lack of understanding between older and younger people and the generation gap. But despite the generation gap, nearly all societies can only reach its peak when it allows its system to benefit from the alternative principles of the different generations. This is in all probability one of the ingredients missing from our own social structure where members of the independence and military-generations continue to completely hog the administrative circumference, thus making the silent-generation appear more silent than ever.

The members of the independence and military-generation were lucky because in the years after our Independence with its clean slate and oil boom, opportunities in Nigeria were abundant making way for the members of that generation to rise to the top and consolidate their leadership position which they do not want to give up. As a result, for decades the generations following our independence and military-generation have been stuck in a rut and pushed aside by Nigerian elders that have refused to leave the stage. The military-generation presently takes up the lion’s share of our political, industrial and academic leadership class and as we go into another election the situation doesn’t look likely to change.

The same personalities are vying for the same positions they did thirty years ago even though, with a growing population, the nation has more to offer than it ever did before. In spite of the fact that the leaders of the independence and military-generations have seen their political and leadership influence wane during the recent past, the situation of who steers the oars from the top has not progressed to the beneficiaries. In most societies retirement is taken very seriously. People who have worked tirelessly all their lives and contributed to society are expected to retire and allow society to contribute back to them. But with Nigerian politics, retirement is a non-starter. As long as a leader has enough resources then he is likely to go on and on and on without stopping, even when the roost comes home.

While the military-generation in the present political parties make their alliances for the next elections, engage in ceremonial hand-shaking, commit to various projects and get caught up in bureaucratic red-tape, a new generation needs to be given a chance to flourish. In this respect Nelson Mandela once said, ‘it falls upon a generation to realise that the 21st century calls for a new type of politics…it is crying out for a new generation that will step up to the plate’

Whilst everyone bemoans the fact that there needs to be an ethnic shift, the focus should instead be on a generational shift. A younger breed of politician at the very helm needs to emerge to nurture the circle of political life. Younger people need to be encouraged to participate in politics in the interest of development and continuity. A new form of politics with modern ideas is rising in this century and as a nation we must stand up to meet the challenge; already we can see the tide pushing for change. The real politics of our time is taking place not amongst the elites but with the public; by action groups, in opinion articles, in newspapers, in the media and through public opinion on the social online networks.

In this generation, we must break the jinx and put our communities first and know that it is possible for our choices to be put back into our arms. We must sustain the spirit of that revolution for the future so that Nigeria will never again be short-changed.

The 2015 elections will be one of the greatest tests in our history of the judgement of our leaders. And the ultimate trial within that test is whether the main players are earnest about the objectives of encompassing change and saving this country. And if they are to save this country our leaders will be called upon to put the nation above any sectional interest, above any personal gain. This will include the courage of the older generations to pass the baton of power to members of the younger generation.

The problems and pressures of the sit tight presidency and all other office holders have threatened our progress for all too long. But the sit tight attitude doesn’t just mean a president who doesn’t want to leave office; it also includes the older generations who instead of forfeiting power prefer to reprocess themselves as leaders with no end. The politics played out by many of the politicians involved in our government is not the politics that one sees when one considers the world’s movements for development and justice. That politics is altruistic and resonates with the core of humanity and its different generations but ours is just stagnant. If you look at older democracies, you find that with every election a younger leader than the one before is produced but in Nigeria we are left to choose from the same individuals, election after election.

This nation wants food, employment, shelter and security. It needs water, electricity, a reasonable standard of living, communication, accountability and an educational system that will give our offspring a future to take full advantage of the resources of our motherland. Anyone with the right focus can do this but in order to inject the system with a fresh lease of life, generational shift needs to be considered.

Members of the younger generation generally have a somewhat withdrawn, indifferent, cautious and pessimistic view about politics and appear to be disdainful about political personalities. But who can blame them? They were born into a world of increasing cynicism about leaders, grew up during the time when governments were engaging in unsystematic behaviour and social ills were blamed on a failed state. But despite this, there is a need to revive their interest and encourage them to make key determinations about their political perspectives because to write them off politically is to risk losing a sleeping giant.

The young are ethnically diverse, avant-garde and the future leaders. Without a doubt members of the independence and military-generations have experience on their side but how are their progenies supposed to acquire the same level of experience for the future if they do not have a chance to experience, learn and grow? The independence and military-generations are needed for guidance but the silent generation should be woken up for governance.

The older generation should realize that the country is changing; people are becoming aware of their rights and abilities. The politics that we will see in the next twenty years will be a much different beast than the one we have seen of recent. The next generation will have to plan from the ground up to deal decisively with the warn voices who use high-sounding talk about freedom to cloak their determination of putting themselves above the nation. We need fresh blood, new people with new ideas and a new generation as leaders. Business as usual should not be an option because other generations will demand their turn.

The selfish stage we have undergone of ‘tazarche politics’ in which incumbent leaders feel it is their God given right to impose themselves on millions of resisting people must not be repeated. And the cleansing period for that process should start with generational shift. Instead of recycling leaders, Nigeria needs to find articulate, exposed, erudite young leaders, ones with charisma and ones who appeal to the full electorate and the international community. A new generation is coming of age in Nigeria and our present leaders need to give it a chance.

When Coupland wrote his book, he had no idea of the effect it would have but he touched on a nerve. In comparison Nigeria should also touch on a nerve; because the silent-generation have only a few left and the older generations are fast getting on them.

The independence and military-generation need to help the silent-generation to find its voice and set a precedent so that they can in turn pave way for generation-X who have the responsibility of grooming generation-Y and so on. Lets make a generational gain by breaching the generational gap and winning this generational game.

This famous quote by Charles Dickens in his novel, A Tale of Two Cities can be said to summarily characterise the state that Nigeria was in the aftermath of our independence and the state it unfortunately finds itself since then. In one of his previous speeches, Father Matthew Kukah spoke spoke about the insulting state of our democracy. He lamented about Nigeria’s limited capacity to do what a state is supposed to do; mainly to provide basic infrastructure and protect citizens. Father Kukah could not have made a better analysis of the deplorable state of Nigeria and the raison d’être of our malfunction; a malfunction that has seen the downward spiral of a once brilliant state since its independence. Without doubt, during the colonial era and straight in the aftermath of our independence, Nigeria experienced the best of times, while the period between our independence till date has characterised the worst of times in Nigeria’s existence.

It is a fact that in the last 50 years, Nigerian’s expectations on good governance, the focal point on which all other issues are to be founded have not been met. For most Nigerians that have lived and died in the last 50 years, the reality of existing as a Nigerian has been one of mixed jingoism and absolute regret. We have mixed patriotism, because as Nigerians, we are proud of our motherland; our land of opportunity, our land of plenty, our land of beauty, but we are ashamed of the tale of failure of this our great nation. We are absolutely regretful because half a century since our independence, we can only watch helplessly as our country welters in torture. A torture that stems from the fact we have such abundant wealth and fortune while the majority of our citizens reel in poverty. A torture that ensures that opulence is only enjoyed by a fortunate minority who clutch government power and Nigeria’s wealth, at the expense of tens of millions who lack water, food, safety, clothing, health, shelter and peace of mind.

For most Nigerians, their reality is one of extremely low life expectancy, an appalling standard of living and a disgraceful availability of the very basic amenities. Our lot as it stands today is a far cry from days gone by when Nigeria was the pride of Africa, when the set-up of the colonial masters positioned us on a sure course of advancement and opportunity. Those were the good old days, the days of plenty, hope and vision, the days of enthusiasm and devotion. Those were the best of times. But with the best of times comes the worst of it; a time when our people die and suffer, a time when Nigerians have little hope of innovation; of choice. From being the very best of the best right at the dawn of our independence, Nigeria is today a country that has not exhibited the undertaking to earnestly analyze itself in the hope of coming up with viable results to the underlying problems impeding its development.

Today, all but a very few of the legacies left by the colonial masters have been totally abandoned. At the time when the colonial masters were here, the railway systems were working; one could travel from Lagos to all the former regional capitals on the stock. They had specialised wagons to carry cattle, sheep and goats, even eggs were freighted by railways. The trains had specific wagons for transporting petroleum products across the country and special compartments for carrying granite and sand. But today, it is a deplorable story that even with the type of resources we have; we cannot provide a modern railway system for Nigerians. When the colonial masters were here, we had a running and portable water system across the country; water that flowed from forceps, water that Nigerians could drink without nursing the fear of catching cholera or typhoid. When the colonial masters were here, we had motor-able ‘trunk-A’ roads, as opposed to the cratered roads of death that exist on our motorways today and we had an airway system which was part of a West African airways company flying all over the country. We had stable power supply and general hospitals across the country that provided excellent medical care to all Nigerians irrespective of their status. When the colonialists were here we had a police organisation that was effective and respected by Nigerians across the country and a military that was thoroughly and absolutely professional. Those were the legacies of the colonialists, which our so-called nationalists inherited. When the colonial masters were here, we could travel from one end of the country to another without any fear, but what we have today is a total departure of all that we have inherited.

To put it very, very mildly, the last 50 years of Nigeria has been a period of uncoordinated plans to meet the demands of the society. We have had leaders who lack any purposeful plan for the country expect for them-selves. A large number of our present day politicians and a vast majority of the former rulers have taken Nigerians for a ride and it is as a result of this that today, we have a monumental and colossal regret of the country as a whole. The happenings in Nigeria today are unprecedented tragedies in their extreme. We are dealing with an extraordinary and disgraceful security lapse. Daily, Nigerians are bombed, killed and abducted by faceless bombers, robbers and kidnappers. One wonders why on earth no one in the topmost echelon of our security forces has yet resigned as a result of this security situation. So many woes going on with blasé officials seeming slightly indifferent and oblivious aptly captures the true tale of our failed state.

Those of us who love this country should reflect on the journey of the last 50 years and devote ourselves to the unity of Nigeria. Like Father Mathew Kukah, I happen to be one of those who believe religiously in a one Nigeria, who is ready to fight tooth and nail for the soul of my motherland. But I am also one of those who strongly believe that Nigeria needs a total overhaul renaissance and re-awakening to the issues of the day. Unless there is a timely redistribution of wealth, unless we let go of this vile ethnic and religious abhorrence, the apparent hope for justice and fair play with equal right, the so called taunted peace may become a thing of the past. We need to honestly clear the annals of profligacy and egocentricity of the past 50 years and get a handle on this cancer of corruption, be sincere and committed to the welfare of this one nation and its citizens and to breech the expanding divide and disconnect between our government and the Nigerian masses.

Now, as we go into a new era that could make or mar Nigeria; that could present us with a new dawn or the dusk of our existence, it is hoped that a proper stock taking is conducted by each of us and our leaders; who have left undone those things which they ought to have done and have done those things which they ought not to have done. And there’s no helping them, because unless something gives, very soon, by the adage in Julius Ceasar, Nigerians may deliver themselves from bondage. As the politicians and the parties position themselves for 2015, let’s each take a minute to consider what we have to gain and all that we have to loose. Let’s take our destiny into our hands and reflect on the choice that we will have to make in the next coming months, so that it may be the right choice for the nation.

Instead of the distasteful clamour for relevance we are presently witnessing, it is hoped that the present day political overlord will quickly start to create some doubt in the minds of Nigerians that there is hope and the era of business as usual will soon become a thing of the past. That way, maybe one day Nigeria can hold its head high and say, “It was the best of times, but now, it’s an even better time!”

This famous quote by Charles Dickens in his novel, A Tale of Two Cities can be said to summarily characterise the state that Nigeria was in the aftermath of our independence and the state it unfortunately finds itself since then. In one of his previous speeches, Father Matthew Kukah spoke spoke about the insulting state of our democracy. He lamented about Nigeria’s limited capacity to do what a state is supposed to do; mainly to provide basic infrastructure and protect citizens. Father Kukah could not have made a better analysis of the deplorable state of Nigeria and the raison d’être of our malfunction; a malfunction that has seen the downward spiral of a once brilliant state since its independence. Without doubt, during the colonial era and straight in the aftermath of our independence, Nigeria experienced the best of times, while the period between our independence till date has characterised the worst of times in Nigeria’s existence.

It is a fact that in the last 50 years, Nigerian’s expectations on good governance, the focal point on which all other issues are to be founded have not been met. For most Nigerians that have lived and died in the last 50 years, the reality of existing as a Nigerian has been one of mixed jingoism and absolute regret. We have mixed patriotism, because as Nigerians, we are proud of our motherland; our land of opportunity, our land of plenty, our land of beauty, but we are ashamed of the tale of failure of this our great nation. We are absolutely regretful because half a century since our independence, we can only watch helplessly as our country welters in torture. A torture that stems from the fact we have such abundant wealth and fortune while the majority of our citizens reel in poverty. A torture that ensures that opulence is only enjoyed by a fortunate minority who clutch government power and Nigeria’s wealth, at the expense of tens of millions who lack water, food, safety, clothing, health, shelter and peace of mind.

For most Nigerians, their reality is one of extremely low life expectancy, an appalling standard of living and a disgraceful availability of the very basic amenities. Our lot as it stands today is a far cry from days gone by when Nigeria was the pride of Africa, when the set-up of the colonial masters positioned us on a sure course of advancement and opportunity. Those were the good old days, the days of plenty, hope and vision, the days of enthusiasm and devotion. Those were the best of times. But with the best of times comes the worst of it; a time when our people die and suffer, a time when Nigerians have little hope of innovation; of choice. From being the very best of the best right at the dawn of our independence, Nigeria is today a country that has not exhibited the undertaking to earnestly analyze itself in the hope of coming up with viable results to the underlying problems impeding its development.

Today, all but a very few of the legacies left by the colonial masters have been totally abandoned. At the time when the colonial masters were here, the railway systems were working; one could travel from Lagos to all the former regional capitals on the stock. They had specialised wagons to carry cattle, sheep and goats, even eggs were freighted by railways. The trains had specific wagons for transporting petroleum products across the country and special compartments for carrying granite and sand. But today, it is a deplorable story that even with the type of resources we have; we cannot provide a modern railway system for Nigerians. When the colonial masters were here, we had a running and portable water system across the country; water that flowed from forceps, water that Nigerians could drink without nursing the fear of catching cholera or typhoid. When the colonial masters were here, we had motor-able ‘trunk-A’ roads, as opposed to the cratered roads of death that exist on our motorways today and we had an airway system which was part of a West African airways company flying all over the country. We had stable power supply and general hospitals across the country that provided excellent medical care to all Nigerians irrespective of their status. When the colonialists were here we had a police organisation that was effective and respected by Nigerians across the country and a military that was thoroughly and absolutely professional. Those were the legacies of the colonialists, which our so-called nationalists inherited. When the colonial masters were here, we could travel from one end of the country to another without any fear, but what we have today is a total departure of all that we have inherited.

To put it very, very mildly, the last 50 years of Nigeria has been a period of uncoordinated plans to meet the demands of the society. We have had leaders who lack any purposeful plan for the country expect for them-selves. A large number of our present day politicians and a vast majority of the former rulers have taken Nigerians for a ride and it is as a result of this that today, we have a monumental and colossal regret of the country as a whole. The happenings in Nigeria today are unprecedented tragedies in their extreme. We are dealing with an extraordinary and disgraceful security lapse. Daily, Nigerians are bombed, killed and abducted by faceless bombers, robbers and kidnappers. One wonders why on earth no one in the topmost echelon of our security forces has yet resigned as a result of this security situation. So many woes going on with blasé officials seeming slightly indifferent and oblivious aptly captures the true tale of our failed state.

Those of us who love this country should reflect on the journey of the last 50 years and devote ourselves to the unity of Nigeria. Like Father Mathew Kukah, I happen to be one of those who believe religiously in a one Nigeria, who is ready to fight tooth and nail for the soul of my motherland. But I am also one of those who strongly believe that Nigeria needs a total overhaul renaissance and re-awakening to the issues of the day. Unless there is a timely redistribution of wealth, unless we let go of this vile ethnic and religious abhorrence, the apparent hope for justice and fair play with equal right, the so called taunted peace may become a thing of the past. We need to honestly clear the annals of profligacy and egocentricity of the past 50 years and get a handle on this cancer of corruption, be sincere and committed to the welfare of this one nation and its citizens and to breech the expanding divide and disconnect between our government and the Nigerian masses.

Now, as we go into a new era that could make or mar Nigeria; that could present us with a new dawn or the dusk of our existence, it is hoped that a proper stock taking is conducted by each of us and our leaders; who have left undone those things which they ought to have done and have done those things which they ought not to have done. And there’s no helping them, because unless something gives, very soon, by the adage in Julius Ceasar, Nigerians may deliver themselves from bondage. As the politicians and the parties position themselves for 2015, let’s each take a minute to consider what we have to gain and all that we have to loose. Let’s take our destiny into our hands and reflect on the choice that we will have to make in the next coming months, so that it may be the right choice for the nation.

Instead of the distasteful clamour for relevance we are presently witnessing, it is hoped that the present day political overlord will quickly start to create some doubt in the minds of Nigerians that there is hope and the era of business as usual will soon become a thing of the past. That way, maybe one day Nigeria can hold its head high and say, “It was the best of times, but now, it’s an even better time!”

Seriously, all this malarkey about power shift and the region entitled to occupy the presidency in 2015 is not only out of order but really, really reckless. For a nation that prides itself as the unifying presence in Africa, for a country whose white stripe on the flag represents the desire for peace and unity, the recent obsession by the political class on this issue stands as a stark contradiction. As a supposedly unified group of people, the concept of being a Nigerian is meant to be more superior to any given ethnic, regional or tribal concern. As one nation, we are supposed to place the interest of Nigeria above and beyond any sectarian and parochial interest. But from all indications, Nigerians seems blasé about the fact that their future could invariably be navigating towards a very dangerous trend, towards a form of tribal politics.

The continuing barney on who or which tribe or region has more right to be in the presidency is honestly, really, really ridiculous. It is astonishing that we can talk about the unity of Nigeria and equal opportunity on the one hand and turn around to demand for the zoning of political positions in the same breath. How on earth can Nigeria achieve political stability when several regions are wrangling for political power and are using regional and tribal sentiment as a tool to acquire it? How do we expect the unity of this nation to be certified if there remains in our psyche an irrational element that can be exploited and influenced in a manner that does not benefit us as a nation? I really do honestly believe that this ‘my turn, your turn’ zoning issue exemplifies perfectly the source of the Nigerian crisis. To continue bickering on political entitlements of regions in this country is, without a doubt, a manifestation of all that is wrong with Nigeria. For heaven’s sake, at what point do we as country men and women become blind to the thought of our regions and tribes, when we know that we are supposed to be Nigerians first? Nobody is saying that we should not take pride in where we come from, our identities or who we are, but at some point in our existence as a nation, we have to think; really think about what is in the best interest of this poor nation.

It is amazing and horrible that day in, day out politicians on television, in print media and interviews continue to overtly debate the issue of zonal, tribal and regional politics with all conviction without seeming to give a toss that the consequence of their declarations is one that is fast sowing the seed of discontent and further polarizing the nation. We continue to hear debates from South-South elders; Northern elders, Middle belt elders, regional forums and all sorts of political alliances about which part of the country has the most valid claim for the presidency come 2015. At the end of the day, there can be only one president and that president is naturally going to come from only one region, only one tribe and belong to only one religion. Now, because of the combative atmosphere of regional and tribal politics that has already been set by the politicians, the regions that eventually lose out in the skirmish are bound to feel short-changed and angered. Is this what we envisage for the progress of our democracy and the harmony of our country? Do our politicians not see that the remnant of discontent and fall-out from the regional political claims they are making holds the promise of evolving into more inter-tribal hate? Do they not appreciate the fact that our revival will only come about when we arrive at a time where leadership in this country is earned on qualifications, competence and character as opposed to tribe, religion, region and personal interest?

I do believe that every objective and fair minded person in this country, no matter their tribe, would relish a setting where they could vote for their political leaders based on whether those potential leaders honestly have the intent and ability to rectify the pandemonium in our power sector, create jobs for us, grow our economy, flush out corruption, resurrect our education sector and make Nigeria a better place than it is now; not because of where they come from. If those that have the clout and opportunity to speak on our behalf continue to allow the sort of regional and tribal entitlement calls they have been bellowing out to continue and deepen, without considering the consequence for the nation as a whole, they would be doing this country greater damage than has already been done.

Despite all of our past and present problems and with the exception of the religious extremist behemoth that has recently reared its ugly head, Nigeria has known the worth of relative peace. From what we have seen in the history of our Continent, tribal, ethnic and regional dichotomy is the surest way of guaranteeing a nation’s fragmentation. We only need to look at the accounts of countries like Sudan, Rwanda, Kenya and Somalia in order to fully understand the damage ethnicity, tribalism and regionalism can cause and the importance of social cohesion and triviality of ethnic and regional identity in relation to national identity. The genocide in Rwanda was probably one of the severest in global history and, of course, one cannot ever envisage such a calamity taking place in this country, by the Grace of the Almighty. However what happened in Rwanda must stand as a lesson and a testament to the rest of the world, Africans especially. There was a time in Rwanda where the topic of ethnicity, tribe and region was treated in much the same way we treat the topic in this country. Without anticipating the danger of this, Rwandans allowed that sore to fester and fester, chafe and putrefy until it erupted in the tragedy we witnessed in 1994. The Rwandan misfortune began with civil strife that occurred because the different ethnicity could not agree on how they were going to share their countries resources among the different ethnic arrangements and tribal boundaries and it ended with the mass murder of an estimated 800,000 people. Today as a result of their nightmare, if a Rwandan was asked which tribe they belong to, they would always answer that they are Rwandan; never a tribe, only Rwandan. It really is tragic that it took so much pain and bloodshed for them to embrace that reality.

While other instances may not be as grave as that of Rwanda, other examples of the consequence of tribal and regional dichotomy can be seen from the situation in Kenya. From a country that held so much potential, allegiance to tribal and regional identities have become so deeply rooted in the body politic of Kenya, that the politics in the country today has been reduced to a tribal democracy which is so bunched according to ethnic lines that each tribe and ethnic group has been forced to establish its own party.

If Nigerians really desire to continue as one people and not tempt fate in the irresponsible way that we have been doing in the last 50 years, we must stop nurturing the growth of this ethnic and regional trend that has the potential of jeopardizing our democracy and fragmenting our existence. Each and every one of us in this country deals with the same problems and challenges. The vast majority of us are trying to feed our families, bring up our children, go to school, find jobs and sleep soundly at night. When we have no security, it is not because we belong to a certain religion. When we are confronted with rising fuel and market prices, it is not due to the fact that we come from a particular region. When our most basic needs are not satisfied, it is not because we are members of a certain tribe; it is because those in leadership, despite where they come from have not provided it. Nigeria is what we have; it is ultimately what we are. We cannot afford to let politicians use our diversity as a tool against our social cohesion in the guise of regional politics. We just cannot afford to do that.

Nigeria has been through enough already. It has been dragged through a civil war, been exposed to religious and sectarian massacres, its image has been desecrated globally. Those of us who form her should embrace unity in the interest of her advancement, stability and wellbeing. Our forefathers did a lot of positive things for this country, but they did also allow differences in tribe and region. The present crop of leaders must not continue with this trend, because by advancing the cause of regional politics that they are doing now, they are really doing nothing more than sowing the seed of discontent for Nigeria.

Most parents of adolescent children will identify with the fact that it is a time of change and challenge for all

involved. Due to hormonal changes in their body, an adolescent mood may swing from admirable behavior to a despicable show of rudeness at home and in public. A great number of problems encountered with parents and teens are attitude problems, underage drinking, drug abuse, drunk driving, bullying, rebellious behavior, smoking, peer pressure, body issues and lying.

These problems can be overwhelming for many parents. To nag, yell or threaten are definitely not the best approaches to addressing a troubled teen. Because modern day parents are extremely busy, other productive strategies have to be used to deal with children. It helps to exercise an unbelievable amount of patience and be able to think practically and strategically. It is understandable though that parents become confused and frustrated and at a loss at how to react to these problems. We as parents may become irrational and emotional; the first instinct is to lash out negatively. This in turn results in verbal or even physical abuse between parent and child; and if these scenes for one reason or the other continue to escalate, then a parent would be forced to admit that a losing battle is being fought without a victor.

In Nigeria, adolescents react to rapid changes to the environment. These changes affect the society in major ways as 43% of the Nigerian population comprise of adolescent children (Bamgbose, 2002). When adults are not properly educated or morally sound, these characteristics are usually always passed down to the children. Adolescent children can be said to be relating to a person who is in transition to acquire biological features peculiar to the adult population group. This period of life between childhood and adolescents refers to teenage children between thirteen to eighteen years of age. This period is described by specialists as a turbulent period of overwhelming stress. There are physical traits associated with adolescents such as profuse perspiration and body odour (if hygiene is not prioritized), enormous  appetites, skin problems that can be acne related, social awkwardness, curiosity about sexuality, self-consciousness, feeling lazy or lethargic and disruptive and sometimes aggressive behavior.

With these barrage of problems, it is paramount and necessary for parents to enlighten themselves on issues that maybe plaguing their children and interact with them as much as possible; or as much as time will allow. Many parents mistake for example doing homework or going to the church/ mosque as interacting optimally with their children- this is not the solution. Interacting with your children by participating in activities that they enjoy such as football, swimming, movies etc. is so much more productive to both parties. Engaging your child in a project they find interesting will bridge a strong foundational bond that will serve as a lasting understanding even in times that you or them become frustrated. Some parents feel utterly lost as to how to tackle adolescent children; especially if the aggression or hostility being shown by them is not related to physical abuse or an alcohol or substance abuse problem.

At this point its very important that parents distinguish between the “normal” teenage mood swings and rebellion from signs of actual depression. Even though depression may occur at any age, it can affect adolescents more than it does younger children. These depressive symptoms can appear at the age of 13 but more often 16 and 24. Unfortunately, depression is very difficult to detect in adolescents; especially due to the fact that they don’t open up so easily due to insecurities. Dr Michael Miller, editor in chief of the “Harvard Mental Health Letter”, says experts have identified certain characteristics that distinguish mood swings from depression in adolescents. They are:

•Severity: The more pronounced the symptoms (changes in mood, behaviours, feelings, thoughts), the more likely that the problem is depression and not a passing mood.

•Duration: Any deterioration in behavior or mood that lasts two weeks or longer, without a break, may indicate depression.

•Domains: Problems noticed in several areas of a teen’s functioning- at home, in school, and in interactions with friends- may indicate depression.

The first step to helping your child is to recognize and accept the fact that they even have a problem. Encourage your child to to also identify what is happening to them; so that you may assure them that they will not be alone in tackling the issues at hand. Educate your child in ways to cope with problems; model appropriate behavior for them to follow. Support them towards maintaining a healthy lifestyle; for example enough sleep, exercise and eating proper balanced meals. Adolescents should also be motivated towards taking preventative steps through creativity and being involved in interactive activities. One of my traditions has been to make children socially responsible by giving them practical lessons. Teach your child to feel empathy towards the less privileged, orphans and disabled. I embark upon community service with my daughter, nieces and nephews from their foundational years; to ensure they develop a high level of empathy for the less fortunate in the community. I often point out almajiris that walk under the basking hot sun without even slippers on their tiny worn feet or any proper clothing. Engage them in interactive problem solving, “If you were President, what would you do to ensure that all children are safe and properly cared for?” Or “How many different policies would you suggest to ensure that child trafficking stops and all children have an equal opportunity to go to school?” This question can be posed to the older children.

While teenage mood swings can be very difficult to deal with, it is important that parents give support to their children. Do your best to understand what that child is feeling; take a mental time travelling machine to remember how strange many things may have seem to you at that age. Most teenagers find it excruciatingly difficult to talk to their parents about their feelings. Focus on the fact that your priority should be to help shape your child into a productive and self-sufficient adult.

It may take the last drop of patience you have but resist the temptation to address temperamental mood swings by lashing out in anger or annoyance. Do not take any negative behavior personally by being a bully instead of a parent with great inspiration and advice. Be observant of your child’s mood and ensure that when they are upset or in pain you are there for a shoulder to lean or cry on. When you child does well reward them with love and recognition instead of material gifts for many parents are unwittingly guilty of showering their children with too many gifts. You time and attention is far more valuable in the long run than the latest ipod or PS3.

The fact that you are raising a young adult is challenging but should not have to be a nightmare. Do the best that you can like many parents; and it is a guarantee that the impact of your influence will shine like a bright light through your child. One day the thought of growing pains will be a distant and fond memory.