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  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week.

    Why are men nowadays treating ladies as if they themselves have no dignities? I have had a lot of complaints about men running the other way as soon as you allow them to sleep with you. As long as you don’t open your legs for them, they will for the most part treat you like a “Gem”! The moment you do, you are just another “used good” to them. My concern is:-

    (a) Are men doing this for their own selfish interest?

    (b) Are they treating women this way because too many goods are chasing little money, meaning, the law of demand and supply had been exhausted to the extent that too many women are now chasing too few men, hence we have an “inflation” of women.

    (c) Is it that the men are doing this because the women are not able to satisfy them sexually in bed, so they keep seeking and looking all around for ladies to fulfil fully their sexual greed?

    (d) Is it that women have so much cheapen themselves, since there is a believe any ways that an average woman is smarter than an average man, women are now using their so called “smartness” to scam men, men even though they are not as smart as their women counterparts are now waking up to the reality of what some women are doing to them, it’s now payback time.

    (e) Do the women see the men sleeping with them as a means for asking for material things and forms of gratification? This creates a negative impression on the minds of the men and ultimately pushes them away from the women folk. Ultimately, they are not able to differentiate between a woman of quantity and a woman of quality.

    Men of Quantity will find it difficult to appreciate a woman of quality, no matter how rich or educated the man is!

    Sadly, both are losing out greatly and it’s affecting everybody both young and old.

    Dear Princess,

    I am a man of God, aged 54 who is pastoring awhite garment church. I have a wife (aged 46), who is so suspicious that I have women friends and girlfriends outside our home. She has not always been like this; she used to be a loving and caring woman. When we met several years ago, we were inseparable lovebirds. We grew up in the remote town of Ilesha. We attended the same elementary and high schools, people had always been linking us together as husband and wife right from those our school days, our families became very close because of our relationship. Even though she was a quiet and reserved person, I was her best friend and she was always comfortable around me. When I started my ministerial workher mentality has always been negative when it comes to men in white garments. Most times our communicationturns out to quarrels and misunderstandings because of her mind-set on men in white garments. Princess, I am able to advise and assist couples when they have conflicts in their relationship or marriage but I am finding it difficult to solve my own marital issues. I am an extrovert and she is an introvert. She loves staying lonely without talking to anybody. She is not really fat and tall but she knows and people do confess that I am a handsome man. To me personally, women, ladies, girls do approach me a lot but I don’t have that kind of emotion or affection for them because of my ministerial work. I just have the beginning of any approach but I don’t have the finishing when it comes to female relationships. I have tried all my possible best to satisfy her in every way as a husband but all to no appreciation. The wife-husband relationship is not there. Most times we can stay together without any communication for hours or even days. It is only when I am feeling hungry that I do talk to her, even most time I will plead for my food but she will be sleeping while I take my food by myself. As at now, she is not working, trading or neither doing anything to keep busy. Sometimes, she is so abusive and do curse with a little or no provocation. I am the one carrying all the responsibility of the home. Even our children have known what is going on between us. We have three girls aged 20, 13 and 9. This problem has started affecting our children. I have played all my fatherly and husband role but her response is futile. She is somebody who eats and sleeps a lot. I have tried all my possible best to satisfy her emotion and affection but it is futile. People have talked to her severally to cooperate but she is not blending. I built a shop for her to be trading, she let out the shop. I have settled her for trading many times but at the end of day nothing came out of it. Every responsibility of the two of us has turned to my shoulders alone. Even she always punishes me on bed sexually; thinking and saying that I have sex with every woman outside, but the nature of ministry do not permit such nonsense. She doesn’t trust me in anything I do and she is not supportive. She is used to begging for money from me all the time which I do refuse some times. I have talked to her mother; some of her family and

    relatives but all is futile.

    The wife-motherly role is not there. In such a case like this, what would you advice and counsel me before I make up my mind and set out to take any decision.

    Anonymous.

    Dear Anonymous,

    There is a saying “physicians cannot heal themselves”. It is a known fact that most people can solve other people’s problems but when faced with similar situations they find it almost difficult to solve their own problems.

    My first question to you is that do you still love your wife? Is it possible you rekindle what you shared at the beginning of your relationship?

    What most couples fail to realise is that as we grow up, get busy with our different ways of finding our daily bread, couples will sometimes drift apart. Knowing this, it is important for you to call your wife, ask her what is bothering her. Mind you, she might not be able to put her hands on it, but if you are lucky and she is able to, then your problem is solved.

    You are a pastor,you are supposed to set examples for your followers, when you married this woman, it was for better ,for worse. If you are telling me the truth that you are not cheating on her, then the marriage can be helped. But, if you are not been honest with me and you do cheat on your wife, which is not unlike most men, then both the yam and knife are in your hands.

    I want you to try this, Date your wife for the next four weeks. How do you date your own wife? If you are gifted, write her a poem, if not buy her a card that expresses your feelings for her, Next, what does she like the most? Cloths, jewellery, money? Whatever it is that she likes, this you give her with the card on the 31st.

    As a pastor I know you hardly have time to romance and spend time with your wife, but if you want to recapture this marriage, you will need to romance your wife again. Once a week for the next four weeks, take her to a nice restaurant and show her that you care. Now after doing all this and some more, meaning it of course, see if in between if she will open up to you. Have in mind that you are doing all this because you still love her, your three daughters and you want to do everything in your power as the head of your family and ministry to make your marriage work. If you don’t love her anymore and you do not feel the marriage is worth saving then do not bother with this approach, but am sure you want to save this marriage else you will not have seek help.

    As a woman and from how you described your wife’s attitude nowadays, she appears to have given up on you and the marriage. Knowing how busy a pastoral work can be,am sure she feels neglected and unappreciated. It is up to you to bring her into your world; it is up to you to let her know that she is “part” of you and not “apart” from you. After trying my recommendations, create an avenue for effective communication and try to “listen” to her, talk “with” her and not “to” her. I look forward to hearing from you first week in February. I wish you the best.

    Wishing you a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

    Thought of the week

    “All that glitters is not gold”

    Follow me on my blog , askprincessnow.com, New number 08155558750

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    QUESTION:-

    Dear Princess, Good Day and complements of the season to you, read your weekly column and I really like the way you advice on issues affecting love and relationships. I never imagined that I’ll be getting across to you for advice on my love life but something happened to me two weeks back that has really been tormenting me and I really need to clear my mind to make a decision.

    I have been in a relationship with my fiancée for six years now; we just did our formal introduction between our families earlier in the year and planning to get married in some few months’ time which as with every woman I was really looking forward to until now. Princess my relationship with Rasheed has been very interesting over the years, we’ve had our ups and downs, been through several challenging and trying times but we always managed to weather through because of our strong love for each other, one major issue we battled at the earlier stage was that of our religious backgrounds, my family is a very religious catholic one while Rasheed is a Muslim, my parents initially objected to our union ,my Dad explained carefully to me that being from a Christian religious background, I might find it hard to adjust and conform with the Islamic lifestyle or might be forced to change my religion ultimately, my parents couldn’t imagine having their daughter move into a Muslim home, it took a lot of strong will from me. Rasheed was able to explain to them that though he was a Muslim but not a fanatic, I was free to practice my religion, bring up our children as desired; he explained he had Christian relatives and they all got along very well. My parents with time got to know Rasheed well, he’s a very friendly, cool and likeable person, my Dad got to really like him and all the initial objections were overlooked, I was the happiest girl in the world because the approval of my family meant so much to me in my relationship with Rasheed, whom I loved dearly and could not bear to loose him for any reason whatsoever until recently.

    There had also been other issues relating to Rasheed’s relationship with one or two other women that have caused some rift between us over the years, sometimes I pick up Rasheed’s phone and see some text messages from some other girl, usually I get furious as any lady that loves her man would, Rasheed would always have a way of wriggling himself out of the situation, apologize to me and we make up, over the past one year there is a particular lady I’ve been noticing her pictures on my fiancée’s blackberry phone, whenever I ask him who is the girl and why does he have her pictures all over his phone, he would always tell me she’s just a friend, that they were just friends and all that, I wasn’t comfortable seeing a particular girl’s picture over and over again on my man’s phone, well since I trusted and loved Rasheed, I let peace reign.

    Princess, two weeks ago I went to a night vigil organized by a friend’s church, she spoke so much about the wonderful anointing that flows in their church and how people have testimonies to give about the wonderful works God does there, Rasheed works as a property development consultant and over the past few months his business has really been slow to an alarming point, I decided to go to the night vigil basically to pray to God to revive my fiancée’s business, the church is located around my area, so I just got back from work, took some rest and off to the vigil.

    I really enjoyed the vigil, the prayer sessions were so powerful, I felt immediately the presence of God, I believed my prayers has been answered, when the vigil finished around 5.30am in the morning, I just felt like sharing the anointing in me with Rasheed immediately, although I was very tired, instead of driving home, I drove straight to Rasheed’s place, I called to tell him I was on my way but his phones were off, guessed he was still sleeping.

    On getting to Rasheed’s place, I used my key to open the door, on entering the sitting room, I saw a lady’s bag and shoes on the floor, my head started banging, I rushed to the bedroom, the door was locked from inside, I banged on it, I could hear voices inside, Rasheed delayed but eventually came to open the door, Princess right before my eyes, I saw the lady my fiancée was always claiming to be just a friend looking ruffled in there, I was mad , disappointed and felt betrayed by the man I loved so much, I had never cheated on him in all our years of relationship, he started begging me immediately ,I wasn’t even listening, I just went into my car ,I was crying as I drove home, I warned him never to call my line and that I never want to see him in my life again, it was over between us.

    Princess, Rasheed has been apologizing, calling and sending people to me, I told my sister about the incident, though I’ve not told my parents about it, I am really mad at Rasheed, I wonder with how many women he has been cheating on me with, Princess what next step should I take now, I don’t know what to do. BISILOLA-KETU.

    ANSWER

    Dear Bisilola, while you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you will probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy. My dear, the imperfection in most males is infidelity. A relationship nowadays is not just about two people, it involves being able to compromise, able to forgive and still continue to trust the person. Can you trust anyone anymore nowadays? Well, it depends on who you ask, the type of up-bringing the person had and of course the type of experience the person has had with past relationships. The Nigerian society according to most men I’ve had the chance to interview believe that it’s a man’s world, meaning when it comes to the issues of women, the man is supreme and for the most part, he can be unfaithful to his partner and be forgiven. Unfortunately, for the women folk, it’s not the same. An average Nigeria woman on the other hand, supports this ideology, by so doing, most men know that if they are caught cheating on their partner, they will be forgiven. This scenario is what makes it very easy for an average Nigeria man to be unfaithful to his wife knowing that if that woman refuses to forgive him, there are hundreds like her lined up to take her place and will even forgive him if he does something worse than being unfaithful. Bisilola, I am not cordoning what your finance had done but let’s be realistic, you said he was very apologetic. I will advise that you forgive him and move on. But, this shows that are chances that he will do it again. Keep an open mind, continue praying and make sure you practice the main ingredients in a marriage, relationship or love which are trust, understanding and most importantly an effective line of communication. I wish you all the best

     

    Thought of the week

    “Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone”

     

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

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  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought of the week

    “After a foolish deed comes remorse”! Feeling sorry always follow a foolish act.

    Question:

    Dear Princess, my name is Linda, I am supposed to be getting married in two weeks but right now I am not even sure the wedding is even going to hold. I made a major mistake which is really threatening to ruin my happiness and my life as a whole, right now I am even contemplating suicide because I feel that might just be the only way out of all this mess and shame which I have brought upon myself. Princess I just need to share my story with you and to other young women out there for them to learn from my mistakes. I am 26 years old, i have a good job as a customer care representative in a major telecoms company in the country. I met my fiancee whom I’m supposed to get married to in two weeks. Two years ago when he came to our office to lay a complaint as regards his mobile line which was mistakenly blocked by our network, that day he was really angry with the staff he met on duty, I was able to calm him down, explained that we were sorry that it was a computer mix up and sorted the issue for him in less than 20minutes, he murmured some thanks asking for my card and took his leave, I totally forgot about him and the incident because in the course of my work I tend to meet a lot of customers on a daily basis treating different issues for them as regards our different services, so for, me he was just another customer. A month later he called my number introducing himself, sincerely I was not able to recollect him particularly since I had attended to several other clients during that period, I asked if he had any issues with his line again, he said no that he just wanted to thank me, I made him realize there wasn’t any need for that since i was doing the job am being paid to do, he asked if we could get together for a drink, I politely declined, it willnot be professional mixing client I met in the course of my work with pleasure. Men in the country I have noticed were very flirtatious towards the opposite sex that works as customer care representative, so I was always careful with them all. Samuel, that’s his name was persistent, every morning he would send me inspirational text message wishing me well for the day, at night he would do same, he would call sometimes during the day just to check on me, I still insisted that I wasn’t ready for a date with him but gradually I softened and agreed to meet up with him for a drink after 2months, he sounded genuinely excited, we met up for dinner after work and I must confess, his company was really enjoyable as I had not been on a date for quite a while, I had just recently broken up with Emeka, my boyfriend of 7 years right from my university days, I loved Emeka dearly and he was everything to me, he was my first love, I could do anything for him but the problem we had over and over again was Emeka’s womanizing streaks, he was very randy, carefree and I was always catching him with different girls, he would always apologize, making it clear to me that I was the only girl he truly cared for, because I loved him so much I would always take him back. After graduation, Emeka was still his normal self, he wasn’t even yet ready to settle down, still continuing with his pranks with ladies all over town, I got tired and frustrated, I wasn’t getting any younger, couldn’t go on waiting for a man that wasn’t ready to settle down to have a family, my mum and aclosest friend who was already married for 3 years with 2kids advised me strongly, as painful; as it was, I called off my relationship with Emeka. Samuel was the man I was getting close to after the break up, so the date with him was breath of fresh air. Samuel is a very serious minded man and we started a relationship, within 4 months, he proposed to marry me, Samuel was the type of man any woman would want to settle down with, I was excited, we started making wedding arrangements. Some weeks to my wedding, I was doing some shopping on the island, it was such a coincidence that I came across Emeka, he is not based in Lagos but he said he came on an official assignment and putting up with a friend somewhere on the island, he wished me well on my upcoming wedding, we got talking as old time friends, somehow I had missed his company when I was through he asked me to drop by for a drink at where he was putting up, since the traffic was hectic, I decided to chill for a while with him. We got there, still gisting about the old times, Emeka was a lively person, after sometime he started getting too close, wanted to start touching me and all that, I told him to stop, was very angry my wedding was coming soon, he calmed me down, talking about the old times and what we shared, asking me to share this last time with him before my marriage, he could be very sweet mouthed, I didn’t even know what came over me, I relaxed, Emeka knew how to make a woman feel real good, he led me to the bedroom and we made love. I felt very guilty afterwards, I just wanted to go home, we got dressed, moved back to the sitting room, Princess, behold in the sitting room relaxing was Samuel’s first cousin, Andrew who I had met several times, he was the one Emeka was putting up with, a colleague of Emeka who was Andrew’s friend linked them up together, Jesus, I knew I was finished, the look on his face said it all, I rushed away from the scene, my head was exploding, when I got home I was crying and couldn’t even talk to anybody. Andrew, told Samuel what happened, he called and asked me if it was true, I was just crying and apologizing, Samuel told me point blank he was calling off the wedding, everybody blamed me and now pleading for Samuel to reconsider, I admitted I made a fatal mistake and would never ever do such again, Samuel is adamant and not listening to anyone, I feel like committing suicide, Princess please what do you advise me to now?? Linda Yaba

    Answer

    A knife cuts ones hand and we throw it away, the damage is already done! I really do not understand you youths ofnowadays, the way you makesex so casual is very disturbing. It is something that two consenting adults should enjoy between each other, yes, some people will tell you the unplanned and the risky one is the most exciting, but at what cost, especially to someone like you. You have not since Emeka in so long, yet you had unprotected sex with him, according to you, he was a loose canon when its comes to women, the real reason you left him. During your separation, he could have contracted the Hiv virus or any other sexually transmitted disease for that matter. Now, couples nowadays have a big problem with fidelity, most Nigerian men believe it’s a norm for them to cheat in their relationships, to the extent that some do it so openly and brag about it. Well, women now do not see anything wrong with cheating on their men, but they are more discreet about it because if a man is caught cheating on his partner, it is acceptable, but it a woman is caught, she will be label a “slut”! Unfortunately, you are caught in this conception. My strong advice is to continue begging him and pray that he loves and believes you enough that this just happened at the heat of the moment. If you can be easily tempted when you are not married, what will happen when you start to have issues in your marriage, will you be able to take your vows seriously? If he believes and feels that you are a strong enough woman to withstand the marital storm and you are able to make him realize this, am sure he will forgive you. I wish you all the best and pray others can learn from your mistake.

    Thought of the week

    In any relationship, love, trust and complete understanding is very crucial. The icing is effective communication and complete emotional support of one another. Lots of marriages nowadays are “empty shells”, wherein none of the above recommendations are no longer present, both couples just stay in it for “show”! Some couples have not even touch each other intimately in years, this are couples in their forties, yet outside the four walls of their home they put up a happily face in the society, yet they are both unhappy together but are more concern about what society will think? “If a wall is not broken, a lizard cannot penetrate it”! Young couples, practice the above advise very earlier in your relationships.

    Thought of the week

    “All that glitters is not gold”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Question

    Dear Princess, My name is Ayomide, I am a part four engineering student in a higher institution in the country, though due to the ongoing universities strike in the country been at home for some months now. Currently I am dating a 22 years old girl, her name is Olaide, we have been dating for over a year now, l am so in love with her, it took me a while to convince her to date me, she is very homely a down to earth girl, she means so much to me, she is a source of joy and inspiration to me, I am a very serious minded and focused individual as such Olaide is my only girlfriend, I love her so much and see no reason for me to cheat around with any other lady,already we have started discussing future plans and my plan is to graduate from school, get a good job and get married to the love of my life in the nearest future. I have a very close friend to me, we have been friends from childhood and even schooled in the same university, his name is Mayowa, he’d always been more outgoing and on the bubbling side than me, always looking for social activities to keep busy and unlike me, he is very interested in girls, he takes pride in sleeping with different girls even encouraging and teasing me to do same, but in all that we understand and respect each other so well, he also does not joke with his academics and we complement each other so well as friends. Due to the ongoing universities strike, most times we are always at either my place or Mayowa’s place, since Olaide’s university is also on strike too, she spends a lot of time with me. There’s never a dull moment with Mayowa and my girlfriend always enjoys his company and is always laughing at his jokes, she even finds his lifestyle fascinating because he’s always with a different new girl every time we hang out he teases her that he is not an ‘old school” like her boyfriend (me), she always laugh over it and says she loves me so dearly the way l am, that always brings a smile to my face. Princess, recently l kind noticed that Olaide has been becoming so used to Mayowa and whenever he’s not around with us, she is always asking after him, asking over and over again when he will be back, at first that didn’t bother me as I see Mayowa as a brother so it didn’t really get me worried, but when I noticed that is now get to a point that anytime Mayowa is around, Olaide would always like to sit at his side, and always laughing even when he was not saying anything too funny and always having a smile for him, I started getting worried that could it be that my girlfriend was getting to like my friend too much? I trust my girlfriend, there is no reason for me to doubt her loyalty to me also I believe in the friendship I share with Mayowa, he understands what Olaide means to me and how much I love her so I don’t see him betraying me by having anything to do with my only girlfriend but still I am uneasy and alarm bells ringing in my head, I started making sure Mayowa is not always around whenever I had my girlfriend with me even though she would always ask about him. Princess, four days ago Olaide called me and said she would not be seeing me that day because she’s going on some errands for her mum, a day before Mayowa had already informed me that he was going out to hook up with one of his new girls as usual, I was at home alone bored. NEPA as usual has taken light, it was hot inside so I just decided to sit down in front of the house for some fresh air, after sitting out for some minutes, I saw Mayowa’s younger brother passing, I asked him if Mayowa was back, he told me that Mayowa had been in all day and was still at home till now, immediately I called his phone twice, there was no response, since his house was just down like 5mins walk from mine, l decided to take a stroll and check him up at home to ease more boredom. On getting to Mayowa’s house, I heard music from inside so I knew he was home, I knocked and knocked on his door, he took like 5mins for him to come to the door, uncharacteristically for him, he blocked me at the door and didn’t want me to enter, Mayowa has a room and parlor alone to himself in his father’s house, even if he had any female visitor, I had access to his place and would just sit down in the living room while they were busy in the room, Mayowa whispered to me that the babe he had inside was a new catch, he was still busy trying to convince her to sleep with him, I laughed telling Mayowa that when was he going to change his ways, while we were talking at the door, I looked inside, I saw a bag and shoes that looked familiar, Mayowa closed the door, something wasn’t right, the bag and shoe I saw looked familiar, they actually were like Olaide’s own, I called her phone immediately, she didn’t pick, called over and over again, no answer, confused and dejected strolled home, could my imagination be real, was my girlfriend the one in friend’s house without my knowledge? There could only be one answer to what she was doing there if she was the one there I was confused when I got home, Olaide was still not picking her calls, my instincts was telling me something I didn’t want to believe, I could have gone back to Mayowa’s house and forced to go inside but the pain and disappointment I was feeling didn’t allow me to, I was devastated. Later in the day Mayowa came to my place, as usual he gisted me about the new catch and how he slept with her and the naughty things they did together, I kept a straight face, hardly smiled. The next day, Olaide came to my place, I asked why she wasn’t picking her calls the previous day, she said she forgot he phone at home, I called her a liar and told her I was aware she was at Mayowa’s place the previous day, I saw her bag and shoes and he had even told me what they did together and how she slept with him and all sorts, I called her names that I never want to see her again, she bust out crying, going on her kneels and said she didn’t know what came over her and she regrets what she did and would never ever do such again, I told her to leave my place that our relationship is over. She has been calling, texting and apologizing for the past 2 weeks, pleading that I should forgive her, meanwhile Mayowa has been avoiding me, Princess, I am confused, I love Olaide so much but she really hurt me by sleeping with my friend, what do you advise me to do?

    Answer

    DearAyomide, what is bad, Olaide and Mayowa had crossed a line that friends and lovers don’t cross. Respectively, they both mean something very special to you. Unfortunately then both allow the feeling of the flesh to cloud there judgment. Laide got intuated with the easy, uncaring character in Mayowa. You are laid back and much cooler than your friend. If Olaide can be tempted so easily with the fun going side of Mayowa, obviously she needs more than you’re giving her. What guarantee do you have that if the next fun guy comes around she would not jump in bed with him? If you marry her, works to much and she finds repeat itself. It better to go through the pain now than in the future. I wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week

    “All that glitters is not gold”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    Are our men becoming “Muguns” just because of their cheapness?

    Oyinkan went to visit her boyfriend, she is a second year student at a major university in Lagos. They both had an agreement that she would come and spend every third weekend of the month at his place. Victor is in his fifties, divorced with two children, Oyinkan is in her late twenties, beautiful, light colored skin, always love the latest Brazilian weave-on, nice polished manicured nails and she always looked her best. Of course Victor loves her, he was even thinking of one day proposing to her, if she agrees to eventually make her his wife. This arrangement has been going on nicely with barely any interruptions for almost a year now. Anytime Oyinkan visits, Victor will give her anywhere from ₦20,000 to ₦30,000. Once in a while, if she asked that she needs to buy something, he will give her extra like ₦50,000, but never more than that. One this particular day, she came to spend the weekend as usual with him, she excused herself to go take a shower, her phone started ringing in the bedroom, Victor called her that her phone was ringing, but due to the noise from the shower, she did not hear him, he picked the phone and the person on the phone was “Mugun No 6”! He said to himself, “Mugun No 6”! As soon as the phone stopped ringing, he used his own phone to call her phone, of course, he was stored as “Mugun No 12”!Oh my God, he almost collapsed, he rushed right into the bathroom, almost shuffling the phone in her face to askthe meaning of this? Oyinkan was dump-founded, unable to give a clear explanation of why she stored him as “Mugun No 12”! He calm himself down, and asked why does she store names as “Muguns” after much persuade, she told him that she has about 15 boyfriends, since all of them believes that she is only dating just each of them, most of them just give her upkeep money, none believes that she needs more than what he gives her, she went on to tell him that men thinks they are smart, but as far as she is concerned, they are the biggest “Muguns” There affair ended that day. This of course left a big scar in Victor’s heart.

    Question

    Dear Prince, I am a 40year old Business woman dating a 32year old man, his name is Lere. I have been happily married for the last 13years to the love of my life Alex.. We have two sons together. My problem is that my husband travels a lot, he barely stays at home the little time he has to spend with me,heis either on the phone talking about business deals or chattingwith old friends. My husband also loves to play games on the internet with his friends, worst of all, if his favourite football team happens to be playing when he is around, it is like welcome to zobie world, meaning he does not talk to me and I don’t talk to him if l made the mistake of talking to him during the time when the game is on, it would be war. The combination of his attitude in and outside of the bedroom leaves me veryunsatisfied. Anytime we make love, within 5minutes he is done to extend that sometimes when he has exhausted himself outside bedroom he even finds it difficult to perform. Princess, he does not have “premature ejaculation”or “low sex drive”,like you wrote in one of your columns. No, he is fully capable, but it seems he loves money more than he loves me. Yes, I do love him. I’m a full time house wife the two children do go to school l find it more lonesome now for some reason than ever before. I just assumed that its part of the marriage, but the problem is that the lonesomeness is making sad and depressed than before. About two years ago, I met this young man at a party, he requested if l could dance with him because he too was by himself, at first, l was reluctant, but then I thought of myself one dance is not going to kill me or destroy my marriage, so got up and took his hand, I allowed him to leadme to the dance floor. Princess, I can’t lied to you, holding his hand I could feel the softness, the coolness and the gentleness of his hand, I was just imaging how those hands will feel on me if chanced, quickly, I blocked the thought out of my mind. We danced to about three musics, he again like a gentleman led me back to my seat, at this point he brought his drink over to my table and sat with me.We started chatting,he was able to tell a bit about himself, which is how i found out that he too is a married man and also unhappy with his marriage. When i was about to leave we exchange numbers and BB. Pins, we promised to communicate with each other.About a week after we met, he pingged me and we started pinging each other. He invited me out for a dinner date, this act continued off and on especially when my husband is out of town. One thing led to another we started sleeping with each other. This behaviour l know is unacceptable for a married woman, I allowed my body to control my brain and the relationship is in its second year right now. The problem is that I’m feeling guilty and It’s eating me alive. You see, financially my husband is not lacking and he takes good care of his family.Sexually, huh, oh yes, he is very lacking. My concern now is that I think Lere and I are falling for each other and it scares me, both of us seem to be using each other to fill the void in our marriages. I want to end this affair with this young man, but am afraid l will just find another man to fill the void in my marriage. Princess, please advise me am at my cross-road. Felicia, AkwaIbom.

    Dear Felicia

    This problem of your husband working too much and not having time for you is a problem that some married women face. One thing most women don’t understand about men is that they value efficiency, power and achievement more than anything else. For them to develop power and skills is a way of proving their manhood. Most men strive and thirst to self-actualize their success. Achievement is a way of attaining this drive. Now, by the time this goes on all day, when the night comes, he might be so tired to the extend that if you touch him he will get upset at you. The ones thatarestrong enough to know that satisfying their wives in bed is also part of a man’s duty will within five minutes discharge. By doing these his wife is not satisfied. Now, the ball is in the woman’s court, meaning, should she go out to find someone or something to feel the void at home?. The question I want you to ask yourself is,is sexual satisfaction more important to me thanfinancial satisfaction in my marriage?Amarriage that supports me and my children financially, a marriage that most women will die to have. Well, if you are a self-sufficient woman and you know if your marriage fails you can take care of yourself and your kids, then I will say continue with the affair. But if you are not self-sufficient, if you’re not selfish, knowing that if that marriage fails, it will affect all involved, and then my advice is to stop your affair and do whatever possible to keep your marriage. I always do tell women these, unless thereis no love, no financial support, no commitment whatsoever in your marriage, knowingfull well you have giving it your 100%, it is better not to rock the boat, because if you do and the marriage fails, believe me life on the other side is not a bed of roses either. The ultimate decision is in your hands,I have giving you all the tools you need to be able to arrive at the right decision. I wish you all the best.

    Thought of the week

    There are women of quality, there are women of quantity. The lack of money in the country has so much bridge the gap between the two classes that unless you are a man of “quality” yourself it will be very difficult to differentiate between the two. The mistake most men make like Victor is that, they think dating a woman that does not have financial burden or does not ask for a large amount of money at a sitting means the man is smart? Well, I beg to differ, the woman of quantity will have up to “15 Muguns” just like Oyinkan, the woman of “quality” will ninety-percent of the time date only that one man that satisfy her needs emotionally, physically and financially. The chance of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from a woman of quality is less thanthat of woman of quantity. One of the concerns I have nowadays is that because of the way the economy is in the world, some women of “quality” are downgrading themselves to be with a man of “quantity”, thereby mixing the goat with the sheep! Meaning, they have downgraded their status for money.

    “Only the broken-hearted knows the truth about love”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    Compatibility in a Relationship

    The secret ingredient to a happy relationship. It is true that we all want our relationship or marriage to be loving and long lasting.

    Then why are so many people boneheaded about their choices in partners? Many seem unaware of the obvious, predicators of relationship success and longevity. Somehow, too many people have the view that sexual chemistry, physical attraction and love at first sight is what you should look for in a long term relationship. This is barely a Hollywood fantasy and myth.

    What better predicts long term, success and happiness in an intimate relationship is more about compassion than passion. Compatibility matters and it does mattersa lot in an ideal marriage, couples are not just sharing “hot sex”, but are sharing a practical day-to-day life together. Raising children, career, managing a home, cooking, cleaning, shopping, being with friends and family. The rest of the regular daily living is really where the rubber meets the stamp in relationships and relationship satisfaction. Attentiveness to each other feelings is very crucial.

    If couples are not compatible in these areas, then inevitably the connection and attraction will reduce, tension emerges, and too often relationships fracture and fall apart.

    Dear Princess,

    I am a 32 years old woman married to a man that is 61 years old, we have been married for three years , I know a lot of people will wonder how come I am married to such an older man, well I will explain a bit about that to you, in my younger years I have always been unlucky with guys, I had been in several different relationships that the guys just keep walking away when I needed them most, twice I have been promised marriage but the guys just backed out without any real excuse, those incidents left me devastated and really heart-broken. At a time I even made up my mind not to have anything to do with any guy because I saw them all as liars. It was around this time that my very close friend Chioma who had always been known to always date older men encouraged me to hang out with her with one of her older boyfriends ,what is commonly referred to as sugar daddies. Initially I was against going with her because I had always been critical of such affairs but after much persuasion and due to my current state of mind at that time, I decided to escort her just to while away time and free my mind a bit. We got to the club house and there were quite a few men there all of them in their fifties and above, they were all chatting, drinking and could see clearly they were having their fun. My friend mixed up with them freely, I was quiet and just looking at things around me, there was this particular man, he came to me introducing himself as Demola, asked if he could sit down with me, he sat down and wanted to start getting friendly, I was cold towards him cause was not really in the mood to talk, he didn’t get angry or irritated, he asked if I needed anything to make me feel more comfortable, he was just being really nice, I declined all his offers, he just kept smiling, now asked to take his leave, he requested for my phone number, I didn’t want to give it to him but he was persistent in a friendly way, well just to get him to go I gave the number to him and he went off.

    A week later, I received a call, the person introduced himself on the phone as Demola, the name didn’t click, he introduced himself further, we exchange pleasantries, my day had been very boring so I was actually glad to have someone to talk to on phone at the time he called, we chatted for some minutes, it became a routine, he was calling me every other day, I actually I looked forward to his calls, he was very matured, always cheered my moods up ,always having an advice for me when necessary, we got to see each other again after a month, I really enjoyed his company and from then we became really close, he had been widowed for some years and has grown up kids that were my age, I was very comfortable and relaxed around him, some eight months later, he proposed to marry me, I was shocked but also glad because I knew Demola was going to make me a very happy woman, I was 29 years old while he was 58 years, the age gap was much, but after all the heart-break I had been through with younger men, I didn’t care about that, my parents, family and friends too were sceptical about me marrying such an older man, I stood my ground and we were married in a very colourful wedding, I was really very happy and fulfilled.

    After the wedding, life was okay, but as the months went by I started having some issues with my husband as regards his business schedules. He was the CEO of a multinational research and marketing company as such was always travelling from one place to the other for days,sometimes weeks, it was always so lonely without him, I was always complaining, even whenever he was around , he was always so tired, always wanting to relax because of his busy schedule, my sexual needs became secondary to him ,I became frustrated because I was still a young woman who craved to be satisfied sexually and also want to get pregnant to have my own kids, my husband always waved off my complaints saying I was just childish and should understand he was keeping busy so as to be able to retire in some few years to spend enough time with me thereafter. After 2 years of our marriage I was still yet to get pregnant and our sex life was very poor, he showered me with expensive gifts at every opportunity, but deep inside I was not completely happy, since my husband already had his own kids, he wasn’t pressured about my getting pregnant.

    It was around this time I met Kunle, we met at the shopping mall, he was ahead of me on the payment queue, we got talking and exchanged numbers, after talking on phone for a while, we started hanging out for drinks, I always enjoyed his company, he is single. Four months into our friendship, he started asking me out, he knew I was married. Initially, I was surprised but he told me clearly that I am his kind of woman and since he understands the kind of unhappy marriage I am stucked with, he said he’s ready to marry me if I can walk out.Kunle is 38 years old, handsome, caring and has a good job. He has become more persistent over the past few weeks and sincerely I have really come to like him so much. My husband is still very busy with his work. Princess at this point I am confused, what do I do? Should I stick with the unhappy marriage, or listen to Kunle and try to change the path to happiness and fulfilment for myself?Olanike-Maryland.

    Dear Olanike,

    Anyone can into your life and say how much they love you. It takes someone real special to stay. There’s also a saying, the devil you know is better than the one you don’t know. Yes, Kunle is young, appears to have time, you are very close in age, but what gives you the guarantee that when you fully commit to him he will not eventually not have time for you or worst off, would start to cheat on you because he’s still very sexually vibrant and out there. Demola on the other hand, Yes, is much older, caring, loving but due to his busy schedule does not have much time to spend with you and satisfy you sexually. I want you to ask yourself, is life about sex? Is life about being with somebody that can give you peace of mind? Now, I want you to remember that marriage is an institution, it has its ups and downs, in any marriage, you sleep on your bed as you lay it. My candid advice is for you to sit down, do a positive and negative appraisal of both men, keeping at the back of your mind that infidelity and financial difficulties are the two main things that destroys most marriages. Base your conclusion on the man that will probably not cheat on you and can guarantee you a long term financial stability. Most importantly, go with one that loves and cares for you the most and vice-versa. I wish you all the best.

    Thought of the week.

    “While you are busy looking for the perfect person, you will probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy”.

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week.

    In any relationship, physical affection is so important for any relationship to survive. In this age of constant distractions it sometimes takes connected effort to make sure it happens frequently and meaningfully. If your partner gives you a hug, take a second to lean in their chest and enjoy that moment.

    Practice the habit of touching, smiling and flirting with each other on a daily basis. Go to bed 10 minutes to give yourself time to cuddle up with each other before you both fall asleep. If that is not possible, make sure you cuddle up first thing in the morning by waking up 10 minutes early before rushing out of the room. Lots of people believe this will always lead to love making, not necessarily, it can be an appetizer for what to look forward to when you get home from work later in the day, and really it just reminds the other person not to forget “am always here for you”! It is the best way to start and end the day.

    QUESTION.

    Dear Princess, I have a major issue that I just need to talk to someone urgently because it’s slowly messing up my entire life and I can’t seem to control and handle it any longer, please I need your help.

    I am into advertising and work with one of the major agencies around, I’m very dedicated to my work and have risen rapidly over the past few years in my career, I have a good apartment, drive the latest model accord car, can conveniently take care of my needs, support my younger ones and very soon planning to set up my own independent advertising agency, everything on the outside seems to be going on well for me but deep within I know I have a major problem that initially seemed harmless but right now is slowly and steadily destroying my life. Tomorrow is my 40th birthday, I have already started receiving birthday wishes, my colleagues are even planning a birthday get together for me after work in an upscale restaurant in town, everyone seems excited for me but I don’t share their enthusiasm because at 40 I am still single, not into any serious relationship and not really working towards settling down because of the problem I have , Princess, I am addicted to masturbation , it’s a vice that I have been engaged in right from my youthful days and right now I cannot do without it after which I get the self-satisfaction, nothing else seems to matter, I feel satisfied but an inner voice keeps telling me I am destroying myself. Let me explain a bit about how it all started.

    I had a very strict upbringing and my parents instilled discipline in me right from my childhood, I was the first male child of the family and my parents always rang it to my ears that I was a leader that my younger ones will always look up to. We were not allowed to play with other kids around after school always indoors, I became used to being on my own, didn’t really know how to mix with other kids even whilst in school I was very quiet and shy, due to the kind of upbringing my parents instilled in me, what mattered was just my studies and nothing more, when as teenagers my school mates were discovering and experimenting how to have relationships with the opposite sex, I was not interested because all that mattered to me was my studies, I was doing really well in my academics, my parents were proud of me, but I became a loner, didn’t really have friends and always kept to myself.

    I gained admission into the university in town and since it was close my parents saw no need for me to stay on campus, though I made some few friends but due to my nature I could not really still mix freely especially with the opposite sex, it was during my first year at the university that I started the vice of masturbation, I was reading a journal one day that was talking about masturbation, I became curious, tried the act and I was in a brand new world, it became something I did almost every other day and when other male colleagues were talking about chasing girls all around campus and their sexual escapades, I was not interested since I had my own perfect way of satisfying my sexual needs.

    During my final year at the university, there was a girl that we used to read together, we shared the same focus and became quite close, there was this day I was reading in her room on campus, her roommate was not around, she started talking about how much she has always liked me, that I didn’t seem to notice and she moved close, started touching me and even took off her clothes, I was fascinated being the first time I was seeing such but I noticed that I was not sexually aroused, she tried again another time, still I was not aroused, but each time when I got back home and engaged in my act of masturbating I became aroused and got self-satisfied, from that time on, I lost total interest in the opposite sex because I realised that it was only masturbating that could arouse me and that alone was okay for me.

    Gradually and slowly, I became so used to the act, I looked forward to engaging in it and lost total interest in ladies, over the years I met a lot of women and some tried to get to know me and engage in sexual relationships with me, due to pressures from family and friends, I tried engaging in relationships with one or two ladies, everything will seem to go on well but when it got to the area of sexual intimacy, I could not just establish that with any woman, even if a woman was naked and got close to me, I really felt nothing, the only time I felt anything was by masturbating, the ladies eventually became tired at my weirdness and left.

    Princess I really need your advice, what do I do now, I am now really addicted to masturbating and it is almost destroying me psychologically, I know it is wrong but I can’t just seem to be able to control or handle the issue any longer, I need to be able to sort out my life and have a family as soon as possible before it becomes too late. Ebube Owerri.

     

    Dear Ebube,

    A problem shared is a problem solved. As you rightly pointed out, the act of masturbating started in your adolescence years which is where it starts for anyone be it make or female. What this acts does for most people that are addicted to it is to kill their urge for sexual intimacy with the opposite sex. There is a saying that the day the drunkard admits that he is an alcoholic, that is when his salvation begins .You know and have admitted that you have a problem, your reason for writing me is because you want me to assist you in finding a solution. Bear in mind that any form of addiction has to do with a chemical reaction in the brain and the brain is what control our thoughts, so knowing and admitting that start going out an mixing with the opposite sex, don’t think about any intimacy, the first thing is to like that person for who she is, he figure, her shape, her hips, her breasts, think about the kind of woman you will like and look for that kind of woman you have envisioned in your mind, if you are lucky enough to strike an accord with such person, the first thing you must do is gain her trust and vice versa, once that is established, then you have to let her into your world and such person must be willing to help you solve this problem privately. You can also go on the internet to look for methods of getting rid of this addiction because at age 40 with no child and spouse people are eventually going to know that you have a problem and will start wondering what it is.

    Thought of the week.

    When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week.The following questions were asked by surveying 50 married and divorced couples.

    1.Why do women fade with time and age?

    A. Because they don’t take good care of themselves.

    B. They don’t watch what they eat.

    C. They don’t take vitamins.

    D. They don’t exercise.

    E. All of the above.

    2. What are the best food, drinks and herbs to eat/drinks for maintaining good health?

    A. Water

    B. Green leavy vegetables.

    C. Food High in fibre.

    D. Drink berry juice.

    E. Olive oil, strawberries, sweet potatoes.

    F. All of the above.

    3. What attracts the average man to a woman?

    A. Her looks.

    B. Her Intelligence.

    C. Her figure.

    D. Her Bust line.

    E. AB and C.F.AC and D.

    4. What causes a man to stop finding his spouse/partner sexually attractive?

    A. Is it ageing, because some women fade with age?

    B. When she loses her beauty.

    C. Is it when she herself stops finding herself to be attractive?

    D. When a younger woman come into his life.

    E. If she believes she is no longer appealing

    5. How does a woman keep her marriage, so that a younger woman does not attract her spouse?

    A. Looking good all the time.

    B. Keeping her figure

    C. Good hygiene, able to cook delicious meal. F. All of the above

    D. Good housekeeping.

    E. Make sure the fire never dies in the bedroom.

    6. How does a woman keep herself physically and emotionally attractive?

    A. Eat the right food.

    B. Exercise and diet.

    C. Positive Outlook to life in general.

    D. Live a stress-free life.

    7. In a marriage, whose duty is it to keep the sex appeal on fire

    A. The man.

    B. The woman.

    C. Both.

    D. Either.

    8. To you, what is the essence of a good marriage?

    A. Love, passion and compassion.

    B. Understanding each other.

    C. Trust and good effective communication.

    D. Both putting efforts, ability of resolve conflicts.

    E. Commitment to one another, able to forgive.

    F. All of the above.

    QUESTION:-

    I read your column weekly, I have a story to share and need your opinion because my world just came crashing down some few weeks ago.

    I am a surgeon with a successful private practice and was happily married for twenty six years to a woman I loved so dearly, the only woman I ever loved all my life. God blessed us with three beautiful children, who are now all graduates and doing very well, my daughter is planning to get married next year and I must confess that everything concerning me and my family had been going on so very well or so I thought till I received a visitor last week who opened my eyes to some issues and surely I know my life can never be the same again, right now I am still in a complete state of shock and don’t even know what to think, say or do.

    Few weeks ago, I was at home relaxing after returning from work, I was alone as my wife had travelled to Dubai and the children were all out, the security guard informed me that a young lady whom I didn’t recognize her name was at the gate asking to see me, I wondered who it was because normally I’m not used to receiving strange visitors at my residence, I asked that she should be ushered into the visitors living room. When I got there, she introduced herself as Oluchi, I asked politely how I could help her and to please explain the reason for coming, she looked uneasy, I could see sweat dripping by the side of her face even though the air conditioner was on, she appeared very uncomfortable.

    The young lady asked about my wife, I told her she was not around; she smiled mischievously and said YES! She knew my wife was not in the country and she could tell me where my wife was right now, I started looking at her sceptically, I was becoming uncomfortable too, had something happened to my wife? She said she knows my wife was in Dubai but she knows something I didn’t know; I wondered what this young lady was up to and asked her what exactly is the problem?Then she dropped the bombshell that my wife was in Dubai with her own boyfriend,that my wife has been having an affair with her boyfriend for more than six years now. I laughed, and at the same time was pensive, what was this lady saying? I trusted my wife completely and all through our years of marriage I had never had any reason to doubt her or catch her with any dubious act.Oluchi explained to me that she came to me because she loved her boyfriend, whom she wanted my wife to let go of so that he can concentrate on his relationship with her, my wife was a major distraction to her boyfriend, she was tired of sharing him with an older lady, I was still doubtful, she now gave me details of two previous trips which my wife made in the last one year and said She was on those trips with Samuel ,her boyfriend ,that even while in the country, they had ways of always hooking up for their illicit acts, she gave me more details and right there and then I knew she was sure of what she was saying, at that moment, my legs couldn’t hold me any longer, the room was spinning, I had to sit down very slowly so as not to lose my balance.

    After, the lady left, I picked up the phone and called my wife, I asked her where she was and she said Dubai of course, I told her with whom? She started getting irritated and said why was I asking all these questions, I told her that the cat has been let out of the bag and all her dirty secrets have been revealed, she started arguing, (I had earlier explained the story to our children), the kids also called her to tell how they felt ,that they were really let down by her actions, she calmed down, crying that she will be on the next flight home, she was apologizing to all of us saying it was the work of the devil, I warned her sternly not to come back to the house, that I never want to see her again.

    Now she is back in the country, calling, begging and sending my best friend to plead on her behalf, I am not ready to accept her apologies because I feel so betrayed and to imagine someone I trusted with my whole world had been deceiving me for years, it is really so painful. Princess what do you think I can do to sort out my life at this point? I am really so confused and scattered.Umukoro-Delta.

    ANSWER:-

    Two wrongs don’t make a right. What your wife did is very disturbing and un-motherly, but there is no smoke without fire. Please understand that I do not condole what she has done, but why don’t you listen to her side of the story and for your own peace of mind, ask why she did it. Let’s look at some background, as a surgeon, a medical practitioner; you probably work very long hours, again that’s not an excuse for her. On the other hand what type of woman was she before you married her? Where did you meet her? At a Church, Club, or through a friend? Was she a sex freak? Ask yourself all these questions, am very sure with her explanation and what you know about her history, you should be able to come to a reasonable conclusion concerning her actions.

    The three children, where do you want to start from again? If you leave her now, can you guarantee what the next woman will be like? On the other hand, if you are the one caught with this escapade, would she forgive you? Please I beg you, do not just close your mind, keep all the cards on the table before making your final decision.

    I wish you all the best.

    Thought of the week.

    For any marriage to work, the mutual effort is by the couples, not just the wife or just the husband. With changing times, with the world of social media, the exposure to different things, the way it is back then for our parents is not the way it is for this changing generation now. The more reason both must know a marriage is a “joint effort”, that it is not just a woman’s duty to keep a home, both a “joint effort” from both as much as possible. Good and effective communication, understanding one another completely, an unshakeable truth, most essentially, a true sense of deep commitment to one another must be re-validate at all times.

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    The question last week was, “are there still virgins on wedding night? Well, the answer might surprise you fifty young couples were surveyed, married for the last two years. Out of the fifty couples, we found that more than 30% of the wives were virgins on their wedding night. Out of the 30% found, a whopping 25% were from religious background, be it muslim or christian, 25% out of the 30% attributed the reason for been able to be absolute to their mothers and 3% associated it to their fathers. They all agreed that if you have a good upbringing and you listen to the advice of your parents it is very helpful, plus been content with whatever your parents gives you is also very crucial to been able to survive peer pressure. The husbands were then asked if meeting their wives as virgins on their wedding night makes any difference. Most agreed it make them happy, some said, it makes little difference to them. But the one thing that almost all agreed to is that each day they think about their wives, knowing that she has never bear “touched” by another man, it gives then special joy, for this, it help to reduce cheating on their wives, talk less of marrying another woman. Almost all the women agreed to been happy and content with their marriages.

    QUESTION

    Dear Princess, my name is Oyinkansola, I am a twenty five year old Bio-chemist, there is something that has been really bothering me over the past few weeks and I’ve been seeking someone with experience to advise me, I am just really confused right now.

     

    I come from a middle class Christian family, where my Dad made sure we had the basic things we needed, my mother was a complete housewife, we were three kids of whom I was the eldest, life growing up with my parents and siblings was fun and full of happy memories.

    My Dad used to work for a fabric company owned by Lebanese investors, myself and my younger ones all attended good private schools and when I finished from secondary school I promptly gained admission into the University, my parents were really excited and my father was even following me to school to make sure my whole admission process went on well and I settled properly into school. All through my childhood, my parents instilled discipline and strict Christian values into me, I never engaged myself in social vices that some of friends did, till I entered the university I remained a virgin and I promised myself and my parents that I will remain a virgin till I get married. At the university, I maintained the lifestyle I grew up with, I refused to follow the bandwagon and did not join class and hostel mates in going to campus shows and parties, I was a Christian unionactive member. Academically I maintained good grades.

    Tragedy struck at the end of my second year in the university, my Dad was involved in a ghastly motor accident and despite all efforts, he lost his life, Princess at this point things started falling apart, my father’s company took care of his burial expenses and gave us three months’ salary of what my father used to earn, it was at this point that it dawned on us that the company had no pension scheme or any other provision in place for taking care of family members of their staffthat died on duty, it was really devastating, my father’s family did not help matters at all, since my father did not leave any will, they were bent on sharing his properties in their supposed ‘traditional’ way, the only house my father built, they insisted it was built on the family land and that the house belonged to the whole family and as such we could not take possession, things went from bad to worse, my mother couldn’t do much as she had always been living in the shadows of my Dad and had no business or source of income of her own, it got to the extent that my school fees and that of my siblings was due and there was no way to pay them.

    One evening I was strolling home from the junction where I went to get some needed items, I couldn’t take a cab or bike because I had exhausted all money on me, a car parked by my side and asked where I was going, normally I wouldn’t have answered or even listened to such a person, but I was tired, had no money for transport so I just entered his car when he offered to drop me at home, he was quite an older person, very friendly, and easy to talk with, he noticed the sadness in me and asked what was wrong, I opened up my problems to him and he was very sympathetic, he collected my phone number and promised to call me to see what he could do to help, my hopes were raised and I prayed to God that night to enable the man in keeping his promise.

    Some days later, he called and asked me to meet him somewhere in the town for a drink, I rushed up there very hopeful, he bought me lunch and after the meal was when he dropped his bombshell, he said clearly that he was willing to help me more than I even imagined but that I had to pay a price, I didn’t understand initially, then he told me in plain language that he will have to sleep with me before he will render any assistance to me, he showed me money and swore that if I fulfill his condition, he will take care of me and my siblings and make sure we don’t suffer again, I was reluctant and explained to him that I was a virgin ,he said if he confirms it, he would double what he promised to do for me, at this point I was really confused, should I keep to my earlier vow of keeping my virginity till marriage or let this man sleep with me and get the much needed money? I had just a week to pay my school fees or miss my exams? It was tough but I had no choice than to let him have his way, he actually kept to his promise and even took care of me for a while but ultimately his wife at home found out about our relationship and he had to terminate it, I was back to square one and finally got to join a group of girls on campus that were professional call girls, we had agents that had our numbers and called us when we were needed to meet up with men, sleep with them and get paid, Princess I slept with quite a number of men before I graduated but after graduation, I stopped the act.

    After graduation, I got a very good job with a reputable medical firm; I was doing really good and was able to take care of my family. I met Ijeoma in the plane on one of my official trips abroad, we got really talking and months later became inseparable and he proposed marriage. Ijeoma is from a very rich and affluent family and now he is planning a very big societal wedding. Now this is the source of my headache, I have lived a very indecent past and I feel in the course of publicizing and having a big wedding, someone might be able to recognize me and spill the beans about my dirty past to my husband to be, Please Princess should I do now? Oyinkansola-Omole Lagos.

    ANSWER.

    Dear Oyinkansola, your story is very pathetic; I do really commend you for what you had to go through to finish your education. Ordinarily it’s not a practice that I condole but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

    There are several options, one is to keep quiet and let sleeping dogs lie. But if you do that, the ‘WHAT IF’ that will be going through your conscience might lead to high blood pressure. The second option is to sit your fiancée down, narrate everything you just told me to him, if he really does love you like he should, he will understand that once you graduated you left that ‘dirty practice’ where it begun. Your past should remain your past, it’s what you do now and in future that should really matter. Just hope for the best and prepare your mind for the worst. I sincerely wish you all the best.

     

    Thought of the week.

    To love someone is probably one of the easiest things to do. To keep loving someone in spite of their good and bad habits is probably the hardest thing to do.

     

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thoughts for the week :Compatibility Chart.

    -A score of 80 and above (Excellent)

    -A score of 60 to 80 (Good)

    -A score of 40 to 60 (Fair)

    -A score below 40 (Do not touch)

    1) Is he/she your friend? (10)

    2) Does your heart jump when you see/talk to or think about him/her? (5)

    3) Do you share the same feelings? (Spiritually, emotionally, and sexually) (10)

    4) Do you share the same religious beliefs? (10)

    5) Do you come from similar educational backgrounds? (5)

    6) Do you come from similar family backgrounds? (5)

    7) Does the person attract you physically? (5)

    8) Do you prefer his/her intellectual ability compared to the physical appearance? (10)

    9) Do I like him/her regardless of the physical or intellectual? (10)

    10) Do you like him/her because of intellectual and physical appearance? (5)

    11) In a conversation, do you share the same ideal, insight and beliefs? (10)

    12) Regardless of his/her past experiences/ social background, do you still see yourself having a future with him/her? (10)

    13) Do you see yourself with him/her in the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years at least.

    Question:

    Dear Princess, reading your column in the last few weeks has given me the courage to write my story and seek for your advice. When I was 16 year old, leaving with my grandmother, due to my promiscuity, I got pregnant, it was very difficult to know my baby’s father, I was sleeping with five different guys at the time. When I approached each of them that I was pregnant, they each laughed at me telling me they are aware of my other lovers, since I could not tell my grandmother that I was pregnant, I decided to keep hiding the pregnancy until am able to find a solution. One morning, my grandmother came by my bed while still asleep to ask if I was pregnant, I looked at her in disbelief, she kept staring straight into my eyes, almost daring me to deny it, at this point, I had tried everything possible with no luck, I said, yes am pregnant! Princess, I thought she was going to pass out; I quickly got out of bed and gently pulled her down to sit beside me. I started sobbing gently; I explained to her what I was able to tell her without disappointing her too much, most importantly that I do not know who my baby father was. My grandmother shook her head, reminding me that it was because of my waywardness that my mother had indirectly disown me. Ever since my parents brought to leave with my grandmother, my mother had not called or visited me. My father on the other hand, calls me regularly, whenever in Nigeria, he will come visit me and will sometimes take me out. My grandmother that day called my father to tell me what I had done. My father, been his only daughter stood by me and of course, my grandmother obviously disappointed not so much because I got pregnant, but for the fact that I could not produce the baby’s father, nevertheless, continued to care for me until I gave birth to my baby. After my baby was born, both my dad and grandmother stood firmly by me, my mother of course now more than before visibly disappointed at me as usual, did not call me. When my daughter was five year old and I turned twenty-one, my father still in England but separated from my mother requested that I come over there to leave with him, so that I can further my education, being a British citizen, the transition was very easy for me. I left my daughter with my grandmother with the hope that I will soon come back for her once am settled.

    On my twenty-sixth birthday, I met my future husband, we started as friends, eventually, our relationship got serious, eleven months into the friendship, we got married. During our courtship the issue of my daughter never came up, just like one of the ladies in your previous stories, I feltif I told him, it might put a strain on the relationship, so I decided to keep quiet. Princess, I was one of those lucky ladies, no stretch marks whatsoever on my stomach talk less of my body to indicate having had any child. My husband later found out that I have been communicating with a girl that lives with my grandmother, I lied to him that she is my half-sister, of course, he believed me. We moved back to Nigeria about two years ago, my dad and grandmother now are urging me to tell my husband the truth, they believe that one day, the bean will get spilled, and it will be very difficult to fix it then. My daughter is now fifteen years old, its ten years into my marriage, the saying, am catch a rock and a hard place! My husband and I have three beautiful children whom we love dearly, but I also love my first daughter just as much as I love her siblings, but because the way society views and treats an unwed mother, especially a sixteen year old, I felt at the time like an outcast, so it was difficult to tell my husband at the time. Princess, please advise me on how to tell my husband the truth without hurting my marriage. Amiola, Badagry.

    Answer:

    Dear Amiola, am sure you are a regular reader of “askprincess”, You know how I keep stressing the importance of my believe of the primary ingredients for both male and female in any relationship not to talk of marriage. It is like a foundation of a house, if not built on a solid rock, will eventually crumble. Relationships and marriage, both must be built on love, understanding and effective communication. There is a saying, “fire and gunpowder do not sleep together”, because if they do, explosion will eventually happen. The bonus ingredient is honesty,that is not just a bonus, it is a gift! When two people claim to love each other like you and your husband, then I really do not understand how people like you do it, keeping such a huge secret from the love of your life, honestly, it will be eating me alive to be carrying such a burden around. Have you ever hear of this saying, “the truth shall set you free”. Look at how many people you have hurt or still hurting as far as am concern from your youthful waywardness and act of selfishness and self-centeredness? You said your mother has indirectly disowned you, the one person that should have been advising you about life, the one person that should been a friend, a sister and of course a mother to you.Your grandmother, yes, she has no choice, if she’d sent you packing, what would have happened to you and the baby? You probably will not have the type of life you have right now. Your father on the other hands, like most fathers, they always have a soft spot for their daughters, especially the first daughter, and you being an only one. Now, your poor daughter, growing up without a mother and sadly without a father either.You have robbed her of a good foundation, you have robbed her of the kind of nurture that one can only get from a “mother”, you have robbed her of what you have , to be a “daddy’s girl”. If she is a girl that does not easy forgive, she might never forgive you for denying her a proper upbringing. Now, you not telling your husband the truth from the beginning had cost her any chance of coming to ever live with you and your family. I don’t know if your daughter had ever asked you who really her father is? You have not been able to produce father for her, but the modern technology now, using DNA, it will be easier to know who the father is, not robbing her the chance of not knowing a father, and getting robbed twice by not knowing her stepfather is very sad. Your husband is supposed to be your better half, the person whom you are supposed to share for better and for worst with, in sickness and in health. You know, it is so sad that a lot of men and women do not have the clue of the “bases” of what a good marriage entails. I am very sure your spouse will be hurt, probably disappointed that you do not trust him enough to share this secret with him. He might even go as far as to tell you that he can never trust you again, that if you cannot share your secret with him, then who do you share it with? Be prepared for his anger, find a good time to tell him the truth, and it shall set you free! I pray it will not rock your marriage too hard, if it does, be very patient and prayerful for God to give you the wisdom, knowledge and patience that will allow your husband to see the reason behind your thinking, whatever your husband throws at you, be ready for it, for the sake of your daughter and her siblings. You need to cross this bridge and start a fresh life in other to build a good and loving relationship with your daughter so that what happened between you and your mother will not repeat itself. I wish you the best.

    Thought of the week:

    When you have contentment, you have everything!