By Tobore Ovuorie
Social distancing is a major factor to containing the COVID-19 pandemic. Since April 2nd, 2020 TOBORE OVUORIE has been interacting with several persons who fall under the overlooked group in Nigeria: single mothers. She writes it is a unique situation to be a female lone-parent when the world is grappling with containing a deadly virus.
APRIL 23, 2020
I had phoned him several times that morning to no avail. It was Nicolas’s birthday. My younger brother. I wanted to wish him happy birthday. So, I phoned his wife. After our usual excited banters, I asked after him.
“He is outside spreading clothes he washed”
“Clothes? What clothes?”
“Our clothes”
“Everybody’s clothes?”
“Yes”
I smiled as she went on to tell me how Nic, as we fondly call him, has been handling more domestic chores during the lockdown. “…before this coronavirus thing, he is the one who does everything in the house on Saturdays and Sundays because he works during the week. But now, he does more…”
I was excited and sad at the same time.
Nicolas’s home scenario is not the case for many Nigerian women during this COVID-19 pandemic.
TALES OF ABANDONMENT
“I tried calling even before the coronavirus lockdown. He doesn’t pick my calls.” This is Biola (surname withheld on her instruction), telling me about her husband.
“I don’t know if he is in Lagos because he doesn’t stay in one place. He is a mechanic. I don’t know where he is now,” she continues.
She has been fending for her four children alone since 2018 when the husband walked out on her and the kids. The 34 -year -old woman, when it became very obvious that the husband had left for good- with another woman, borrowed money from a micro finance bank to start a small business. She had been using the little profits from her unisex undergarments business to care for the children.
Then COVID-19 happened.
“It has not been easy at all ever since the lockdown,” her voice sounded weak and lazed with what I still cannot phantom. Maybe fear of the unknown. “I just managed to get two paints of garri and derica of beans. It is whatever I am able to provide that my mother will manage.”
She returned to live with her mother at Ajegunle in Apapa, a Lagos suburb, after her husband abandoned her and the kids. Biola is the first daughter, so, has many family responsibilities she is shouldering. A daily wager, and not making any sales during the lockdown, she has spent even her business’s capital.
“Since on Thursday, the little things I bought at home, we have finished everything,” she said on Sunday April 5th, when we talked for the first time. She went on to tell me how a friend assisted her with some money. “That is what is sustaining us till now. It is the last food in the house I will cook tonight.”
I asked what the kids would eat the next day: “God will do it. He has been the one doing it.” Every other single mother I have been speaking with tells me the same thing. “I am sending messages to some of my friends to plead with them to save us from hunger. I know God will surely do something”.
COVID-19: MAGNIFIER OF EXISTING SOCIAL INJUSTICE
Pandemics affect men, women, the married and unmarried differently. Social distancing and working from home is not a reality for many single mothers like Biola and Alice Abe.
Mrs. Alice Abe, a mother of four, went back to live in her ancestral home at Sibiri, Badagry, after her husband left her and the kids for another woman in September 2019. The children are 13, nine, five and three years old, respectively.
“Before and during the lockdown, he has not been providing for the children. I have been the one doing it. I lost his contact but still using my own number. He has not been calling me, though his son called him sometime in January. He said he doesn’t have much for now,” she narrated.
Alice is paid N16, 000 at the small private company where she works as a secretary. That is her only source of income and with which she uses in fending for the four kids. She doesn’t pay rent for the uncompleted building they live in. Before the coronavirus lockdown took effect, she was paid her salary. And, she used it in buying some food items for the isolation period.
CHILDREN’S INCREASED EATING RATE
Alice complained that the children’s eating rate has increased. “I bought a quarter bag of rice but now it is not more than two derica that is left. Garri is finished, the indomie is finished, the spaghetti I bought is finished. I don’t have yam, it is only that two derica of rice that is left,” she narrated April 5th when we got talking.
“Yesterday and today, they (the kids) drank garri. I gave them some money because I have borehole in the house. I do give people water for free but since the lockdown, I started selling the water (for N10 per container).
‘’So, after collecting money for water, I gave them to buy garri to drink when they were complaining that they wanted to eat. So that at night we can cook one derica of rice for us to eat.”
Biola’s children, on the other hand, wanted to start eating much, but she cautioned them because an increase in appetite is a luxury. The kids are only allowed to drink much water because it is cheap, compared to food.
“When I buy the one of N20, we can use it for a whole day. It is tap water and we buy in bucket and keep at home. We have well in our compound but go outside to buy drinking water. We buy from persons who buy from water tankers.
“The water is actually N10 per bucket. We buy two but pour them into another bucket which has a cover and use it for a whole day. Where I fetch water from is about three to four compounds from my building. We drink the water like that without treating it. And, we have been drinking it for the past six years,” she spoke calmly.
She washes her hands every day because she doesn’t want her children to fall sick. “I don’t have money to buy sanitiser so I get ogogoro (gin) to wash our hands every 20 minutes.”
STARVATION RELOCATION
When left with no food, and the kids continued to drink garri every day, Alice phoned her brother for assistance. He told her to move in with his family at Ejigbo, another Lagos suburb. Alice and the kids now squat with her brother and his family.
For women, as Biola and Alice with caring responsibilities for dependent children, the coronavirus outbreak magnifies existing social injustice as they lack white-collar jobs, salaries and benefits. This makes keeping safe from contracting the COVID-19 quite tasking. All the single mothers interviewed so far for this story, live in cramped apartments.
Medical researches indicate the coronavirus physically affects women less severely, while gender advocates and researchers say women are worse affected economically. Worst hit are single moms. Before the emergence of the virus, they were not living normal lives, now, it is worse.
SINGLE MOMS STRUGGLING EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY
In a survey I administered April 3rd to April 6th on 27 single mothers, testing their psycho-socio capacities in managing the COVID-19 crisis and lockdown in the country, through the use of psychometric properties, 55.6 percent of them said there were scared, uncomfortable and sad because of the COVID-19 and lockdown.
The morale of 48.1 percent was low, while 44.4 percent do not have a good sense of humor to easily make their friends and family laugh.
Some of the women said they are spending a lot of time thinking and 48.1 percent did not take on projects during the lockdown.
(PIC 4) (PIC 10)
LOCKDOWN OR SCHOOL RESUMPTION: NOT WIN-WIN FOR SINGLE MOMS
After the President’s speech of April 27th, there have been debates across different social media platforms if kids should resume academic sessions. If the schools do resume and the kids contract the virus or any other preventable diseases, these women will not be able to work as they would have to look after the kids.
Again, if the schools don’t resume, these women will yet have to look after them to ensure they don’t contract the deadly virus. Biola, Alice, and other single mothers interviewed for this story fear this disruption could last for months.
Globally, women – including those with white-collar jobs – do more housework and have less or no time for relaxation. It is worse for single mothers.
Mr. John Eromosele, a technologist, while isolating and working from home, has been providing care for his two small kids. Every time I called him over a story, he shuttled between attending to me over the phone and speaking with a very loud voice, instructing his kids to minimise the noisemaking or fighting. Taking care of the kids gives his wife time for other businesses, too. But single mothers face harder decisions: how do they juggle earning and caring?
FEAR OF SOCIAL STIGMA
Naledi Peters, a software developer and single mom, told me she wears a wedding ring to her daughter’s Parents Teachers Association meetings to avoid embarrassing questions and situations. She said it is fellow women, not men, that shame her for walking out on an abusive marriage.
Rita Akpodiete, an 86- year -old great grandmother in Ughelli, Delta state, told me that during her time and even that of her own mother, single mothers were called names such as “unholy”, “women who couldn’t keep a man,” “women whose husbands’ houses were too tiny to contain them,” “insatiable women,” amongst others.
Mama, as she is fondly called by all, said being a single mom was not common during her time compared to now because girls and women were forced by their families and the society to remain even in abusive and loveless marriages.
Many house owners in Nigeria, for instance, Lagos state, do not rent out their apartments to single women or single mothers while fellow women look down on them because, unlike the former, single moms do not answer ‘Mrs’ title. When such women cannot bear the excruciating trauma of being segregated against, they become desperate for marriage. This was the case of Ms. Taiwo Ade.
“I sell fufu. It is God that is helping me. It is the little profit I make after selling the fufu that my children and I are managing to survive. I collect the fufu from the person making them at a12 pieces for N500, so, I collect N1000 worth, and when I am done selling, I give the money to the woman who makes the fufu then she would give me some more to sell. That is how the kids and I have been managing,” Taiwo – as she is fondly called- a widow who lives in Elope, Ijede, Ikorodu, a Lagos suburb, narrated to me in Yoruba language.
The mother of two- a boy and girl- divorced her first husband, who is the father of the kids. Though she was doing well financially, desperation to be married crept in and her life later plunged.
She continued: “I used to sell fruits before I married my deceased husband and my business was flourishing. But when he approached me for marriage, he promised to take care of me. I agreed so that I wouldn’t be ‘without a crown on my head’ but after his death, I am selling in bits and trying to stay afloat.”
She told me she couldn’t stay indoors for the lockdown lest she and her kids die of hunger. The first time I spoke with her April 5th, she was on the streets in the night selling fufu and fruits.
“I bought some mangoes to sell so I can see money to feed myself and kids. But, the mango business is not moving at all and they are rotting away at home. But, I thank God for that which He provides for me even in a time as this,” she said.
Taiwo children’s education is being negatively affected already. Her 18-year-old first child was to proceed to his third year in Junior Secondary School but due to financial constraints, he is starting all over from the first class because the money she borrowed for his education was not enough.
“The younger one (a 12 year old girl) is yet to go to school. If by September God has mercy on us, she will go to school,” she said with frustration all over her.
SINGLE PARENTS PHENOMENON
Britain’s September 2019 statistics indicate a quarter of families with dependent children are headed by single parents and 90 percent are women with the average age of 39 years.
The 2014 United States Census Bureau indicates that there are no fewer than 12 million single parent families in the U.S, of which more than 83 percent are headed by women.
Nigeria, like other sub-Saharan countries, is experiencing a steady growth in out-of-wedlock motherhood, marital inability and widowhood. These have resulted in a large number of single mother families in the country. A 2014 cross-sectional study indicates no fewer than one million women aged 20-85 years old were either divorced or separated women, while 1.7 million were widowed.
Sociology experts say the burden of child rearing by single mothers is enormous as the responsibilities of two parents is shouldered by one parent. They toggle with the task of raising, feeding, clothing, sheltering and educating their kids, while at the same time, coping with the challenges of earning a living. These responsibilities, if not adequately managed and provided for, may impact negatively on the upbringing of a child. One of such is good nutrition.
SINGLE MOTHERS’ KIDS AT RISK OF LOW IMMUNITY
Nigerians have been advised to eat and live healthy as medical researches indicate persons with high immunity stand better chances at preventing and surviving the COVID-19 pandemic. According to nutritionists, a high immunity is courtesy rich nutrition.
However, a 2014 cross-sectional study on the health effects of single motherhood on children in sub-Saharan Africa by Ms. Loretta Ntoimo and Mr. Clifford Odimegwu, revealed that compared with children whose mothers were in unions, children of single mothers who were not widows were more likely to be stunted.
The latter, at times, have inheritances from their deceased spouses to fall back on. Economic resources and parental care significantly influenced the higher odds of stunting in single mother households. Relative to children of mothers in unions, the risk of under-five mortality in single mother families was higher in Nigeria, alongside Cameroon and Congo. Again, the second largest number of stunted children in the world after India is in Nigeria where over 11 million children under five years are stunted.
According to the researchers, economic resources, parental care and health behavior accounted for the difference in Nigeria. The poor child health and survival outcomes in Nigeria remain because many of the children and mothers who need public health palliative interventions – such as the COVID-19 crisis has birthed- are not reached.
SOLUTIONS
Dr. Frances Attoh, Associate Professor, Sociology Department, University of Lagos says the lockdown has a lot of consequences, not only for single parent families, but for small scale entrepreneurs, because Nigeria is a daily income economy. She said 80 percent of Nigeria’s GDP is not captured under the formal economy.
“So, if people who are dependent on daily income are locked in for four weeks, the consequences is that those who have small capital will eat into it because nothing comes in.
“Sociologically, how it is going to affect single parent families, especially women, is the feminization of poverty. Poverty has a female face. Why? If you look at 99.9 percent of these women you are talking about, they don’t have a good education. They neither have a good education nor a good vocation.
“So, these are women were either almost totally or 100 percent dependent on their husbands while they were living with their husbands. Don’t rule out the fact that even when their husbands walked out on them or when things were normal, some of these women also had male friends who were helping out. The locked down does not allow those men to come help them out because those men are now with their families and whatever little money they have, they too will also be trying to manage with their own families. That is where those women will be worsted,” she says.
Dr. Attoh says the way forward for single mothers who fall in this category is for them to become economically independent. “The answer to their problem is for them to tie their shoe-straps, get up on their feet and try to become economically independent. There are men who are single parents, they have their children with them but no women or friends, these men are not coming on Facebook begging for money because they are economically independent,” she argues.
She notes that women who are with their spouses are better off because no matter how bad the situation is, they put the two income together and it helps them make a headway for they will be able to manage.
“Those women who are out there with just their children, if they will tell you the truth, are side-chicks for married men who try to assist them from time to time. But, this situation does not warrant that type of assistance because those men cannot go out, or the little they have, they also want to keep for their families and spend for their families. The COVID-19, if they are smart, is a time for them to reflect because we are going to have a new normal. We can never go back to how things used to be before this COVID.
“COVID is a small problem with what we are going to tackle in the next one year when this is all over. We will begin to look at the economic effect of COVID-19 and I can tell you, it is going to be massive. Women need to go through reflection and retrospection and then ask themselves is this the way my life will be? I like your spirit, not every young girl in your age group will do what you are doing because they want to depend on one man that will be giving them N50 to N100,000 and the truth is that it wont pay your bills. It’s not possible.
“The answer is for those women to ask themselves what can I do after COVID-19 if for example, my business is one of those that will fall by the way side? And, I can tell you it’s not only in Nigeria but all over the world,” Dr. Attoh concludes.
Ms. Morenike Omaiboje, Programmes Director, Women’s Consortium Of Nigeria (WOCON) who raised her three children (who are now adults) as a single mom after departing from her husband says if such mothers are not economically buoyant, it will be very tough at this time for them.
Citing herself as an example, though she has a good job, she is yet not able to save money as her children during this coronavirus pandemic are eating so much. She now lives in anxiety and panic because her children are always strolling out and she has had to lock one of them out several times.
“At 62 going to 63 years, I am still doing a lot. I am still the central focus when it comes to finances and that is a lot. I am always wishing that help is coming from anywhere. I have never been into men right from time but quite a few of my female friends have been wonderful without me even asking, they help. I have never asked anyone for anything.”
Ms. Omaiboje says being a single mom at a time the world is grappling with containing a deadly virus is a unique situation. She however advises this is an opportunity for everyone to reflect on multiple streams of income and should start planning for the future if they are like her who doesn’t have a pensionable job. She says they have to look into the future, and not now, and must be strategic. She says they must strengthen their hands to do much more, and not rely on men.
Ms. Omaiboje emphasizes that many single moms don’t have day paying jobs, so, are being exploited by men and others. She revealed she passed through that stage but was lucky because she was getting paying jobs, adding that, even now, she still works a lot and none of her mates with responsible husbands work the way she does.
“They must look at their strengths…should not always put their minds on their uncles, sisters, aunts will help them because those people will fall back into my category of retiring one day, then what happens?”
This report was facilitated by the Wole Soyinka Centre for Investigative Journalism (WSCIJ) under its COVID-19 Reality Check Project.
