The Nation Newspaper

Category: RELATIONSHIP

  • Six messages you should never send to your ex after break up

    Oloko Omobolanle

     

    It’s difficult to cope with break up, especially if you still care about your ex. And it’s easy to think that striking up a flirty conversation with your ex will lead to something more or  sending them a page long wall of text about how wrong they were will make them see the error of their ways.

    Here are six text messages you should never send to your ex love

    1. “I miss you.”

    Wanting to reach out to the person you miss and tell them you miss them isn’t unreasonable, doing so will only make the healing process harder. Instead reach out to trusted family and friends and open up to them about your grief.

    2. Congrats on your new relationship.

    It’s no longer acceptable to text once you discover that your ex has a new relationship. This is very important to note considering the fact that before you can truly be happy for your former significant other and their newfound love; you first have to tend to your own wounds.

    3. Can we still be friends?

    When a relationship ends, you may find yourself feeling like the time you spent making memories and building a life with your partner was all for naught. The emotional debris caused by a breakup is often quite sharp around the edges. Attempting to be best friends with your former lover is a bad idea; a lot of insight can come with time and space apart. So before you text your ex a proposal of friendship, maybe try opening your meditation app and checking in with yourself.

    Read Also; FCTA parades couple for allegedly abusing girl, 12

    4. Wanna come over?

    Everyone gets lonely sometimes. And, whether they’ll admit to it or not, everyone has considered texting a former lover with the hope that they’d be interested in providing a bit of familiar company. However, getting intimate with an ex soon after a breakup will generally only serve to make the healing process longer and more difficult to navigate. As fun as a one-night stand with an ex-lover may sound in theory, it’s almost never a good idea.

    5. A revealing photo

    If both parties have completely moved on from the relationship emotionally, a hook up or two likely won’t do much harm. If you have a long distance with your ex with whom you’re thinking of striking up a sexting conversation, put down your phone.

    6.  Can we please give things another try?

    Few things come close to the soul crushing feeling of having your heart broken by someone you love. While you’re wallowing in sadness, you’ll likely get the bright idea to pick up your phone and send your ex a text asking if they’re double-sure about their decision. And if they say they are, well, you still might feel inspired to ask them to reconsider.

  • Six ways to stay romantic in long distance relationship

    Jimoh Gafar

     

    Long-distance relationships are tough. There is no need to sugarcoat it. Being miles away from one another puts stress on the relationship because it requires an extraordinary amount of trust and dedication. It can be so frustrating to keep the connection you once had when the two of you were right beside each other.

    Below are six ways to be romantic in long distance relationship

    1. Send good morning text messages. It sounds sappy and can really be romantic staying connected despite the fact you are miles apart.

    2. Plan date nights. Even though you are not together in a room, you can plan date nights. Some of the most fun memories of long distance dating was curling up on the couch with your phone beside you, texting your boyfriend/girlfriend and commenting on the show you both are watching.

    3. Send photo texts of your day. Admire him/her, call yourself romantic name.

    4. Pay attention on phone calls. There is a tendency when you are dating long distance to want to spend as much time on the phone together as possible.

    5. Surprise him/her with a visit. This one you need to be careful of as you do not want to be an inconvenience. Hosting someone takes time and planning, so do give them a little warning.

    6. Video chat with one another. This activity can be fun to a lot of people in long distance relationship. It affords you the opportunity to see each other via phone and relish good moments.

  • Benefits of marrying an Igbo or Yoruba girl

    Adeyinka Akintunde

     

    Love is a beautiful thing. The Holy Book says that it is not good for a man to be alone, and that a man must leave his father and his mother and will get married to his wife and the two of them will become one.

    Marriage is revered and it is carefully entered into. A man is always careful to choose the wife he marries, as it is widely believed that 90 per cent of the success or failure of a person depends on the person he or she gets married to in life.
    There are however things to know if a man gets married to a girl from the two major tribes in Nigeria. There are inherent benefits of marrying an Igbo girl from the South-East and a Yoruba girl from the South-West.

     

    IGBO

    One quick advantage to mention about Igbo girls is that it is widely argued that they are extremely beautiful and considered the best when it comes to cooking.

    Other advantages may include:

    1.            She will raise your children with love and teach them her local language

     If you marry an Igbo girl, you can be sure that your children would speak the Igbo language whether you like it or not. She would raise the children with love and instill the right values and morals into them.

    The Igbo people value their culture a lot and would make sure they pass something from it onto their children- your children.

    This means that your children would be able to speak more than one language.

    2.            Her family members will always visit

    There is nothing like total privacy if you marry an Igbo woman. Her family members would always visit and the house will always be full.

    This has advantages and disadvantages as you may spend more seeing to their affairs while playing the perfect in-law but you can be sure it would be fun all the way.

    This would make your wife happy and more contented.

    3.            They are very religious

    Igbos are very religious people and their preferred religion is Christianity. Most Igbo girls are brought up in strict religious homes and as such, they have the fear of God and the belief in His supremacy instilled in them.

    Even when they leave their parents, they still carry those values with them into their marriage and homes. So prepare yourself for church every Sunday, and get ready to observe religious holidays and church programmes once married to an Igbo girl, because they hardly compromise on this or convert to other religions

    4.            Do not cheat on an Igbo girl if you still want to live

     They may not kill you physically but be sure that life will be very difficult for you and your mistress if you get caught. If you want to marry an Igbo girl, then you should know that as subtle and sweet as they are, they could be highly venomous when pushed and taken for granted.

    They are not ladies who would fold their hands while you cheat on them. They would confront you and your lover with their findings and would deal with both successfully.

     

    YORUBA

    1.            Yoruba girls are very respectful

     The moment a child is born in Yorubaland every elder around him or her suddenly becomes his/her parent as he or she is not only restricted to receiving discipline from the biological parent. This has made it very easy to inculcate habits like being respectful in the young child.

    Yoruba girls are brought up to totally give respect to whoever it is due. The Yoruba culture says that when a youngster meets an elder, she must kneel down to greet as a sign of respect.

    This is a major reason why Yoruba ladies top the list of respectful tribes in Nigeria

    2.            Yoruba girls are hardworking

    A lot of Yoruba girls grew up with the teachings of self-reliance. This is because at a tender age, they get taught how to do major household chores and how to exceptionally take care of the house, the man of the house and the children.  So, it is safe to call a Yoruba girl a better “helpmeet”, as she would help with her hardworking, enterprising spirit in shaping your life.

    3.            Yoruba girls are highly Intellectual

    A high percentage of Yoruba girls take school and education seriously. This gives them an edge over other ladies from other tribes in Nigeria.

    A typical Yoruba girl would prefer to go to school, get her degrees and certificates before thinking of marriage, which is rare in some tribes. This help them plan their lives well enough; get prepared for the future before jumping into it.

    4.            Yoruba girls age gracefully

    Because most Yoruba girls keep themselves before marriage, there are better chances for them to look way younger than their real age. They are ever agile even in old age to tend to their family. Just like fine old wine, Yoruba girls get stronger as they grow older.

    So, guys, which one do you want?

  • Six signs to show your partner is truly committed to you

    Before you can determine the seriousness of your relationship, it is imperative to be able to have conversations about tough subjects with your partner, such as having a clear idea of what being ‘committed’ means to you and learn about your partner’s definition of it.

    You could be dating your partner for a while and think things are going great. But you can never really know for sure unless they actually tell you how they feel about you.

    You should also know that for some, being comfortable enough to express how they feel takes time. So here is how to tell if your partner is truly committed to what you share:

    They speak in “We”

    Bringing your partner into your world is an essential part of a relationship and a proof of commitment.

    People in committed relationships speak about themselves as “we.” This simply means that they are bringing you into their lives and making you part of many of the things they do.

    They are highly satisfied

    The strongest predictor of commitment is satisfaction. If you are highly satisfied, you are often committed.

    They see their relationship as better

    Committed partners tend to believe their relationships are better than other people’s relationships.

    They don’t pay attention to potential alternative partners. They don’t even notice attractive people around them.

    They make sacrifices

    What is commitment without sacrifice? Committed partners make sacrifices for each other and don’t expect favours to be returned, at least not immediately. They have a more long-range view of things and make decisions based on what’s best for the relationship, not what’s best for themselves as individuals.

     

    Read Also; Six mistakes newly wedded couples make

    They are always ready to try new things with you

    Trying new things is scary. There’s always the possibility of failure and nobody ever wants to look stupid. But if your partner is willing to step outside of their comfort and do something they’ve never done before with you, they’re likely all in.

    They are willing to talk about the future

    Just because they share something real, serious and genuine, they are willing to have a discussion about the future with you.

    If your partner has dropped their walls and let you in, that’s a good sign they are serious about you. A partner who is all in is willing to engage in vulnerable and potentially uncomfortable conversations.

     

     

    mydomaine.com

  • ‘My fiance got married to another woman the same day he engaged me’

    “I have dated this guy for 8 years when he had nothing, I sold all my parents properties when they died to him through school.

    “Now, he has gotten a job, he proposed to me yes but is saying that he won’t marry me in court I refused and he threatened to call off the engagement so I agreed.

    “Only for me to search his laptop bag today while I was looking for something and found a photocopy of a court wedding certificate, I wanted to trash it but I just decided to read it, I saw that my boyfriend got married the day he engaged me, he wedded another woman in court in Asaba while we live in PH .

    “I remember he engaged me that morning made love to me and traveled that day.

    Read Also: ‘I mistakenly cheated on my wife with her kid sister’

    “I found it really difficult to cry and was just laughing and been laughing since I found this out. He just came back and I picked his phone and went to his WhatsApp found nothing, then went to his gallery found nothing before I finally went to his deleted items and found pictures of this particular girl.

    I am still laughing because I know what to do. My only question is how? Not physically but I will make sure his life is miserable. I am so broken that I can’t even cry. I just wanted to unburden my heart it is too heavy for me.”

     

     

    Bom

  • Dos and don’ts of workplace dating

    You know what they say- you don’t choose who you love, the heart does that for you. So what happens when you find yourself falling for someone at your workplace? Considering the professional nature of the workplace would you pursue such a person? Is it even right?

    Well the truth is that you can depending on your place of work and the professional relationship existing between you two. If you decide to date at work, there are certain do’s and don’ts that would guide dating in the workplace.

    DONT’S
    Do not break the company rules: Every company has its policy and guidelines. Checking to make sure that your dating does not infringe on those rules is a wise decision lest it costs you your job.

    Do not date your boss: As discriminatory as it seems, it is a very safe for you not to date your boss or anyone you report directly to. It prevents putting both your professional reputations at risk and other messes that come with it.

    Do not engage in Public Display of Affection (PDA): If you are dating a co-worker, please keep your hands to yourselves at work. There is no need to hold hands and caress in the office. Aside from being unprofessional, it will only generate whispers, head turns and gossip.

    DOs
    Do have an exit strategy: Note that like every other relationship, work relationships may not work out. The stakes are even higher at the workplace which is why you should discuss how you will both behave and cope should the relationship not work out.

    Do maintain focus: Dating in the workplace attracts attention and people will be quick to judge and attribute any laxity on your part to your dating in the office. This is why you must not allow your relationship to distract you. Remain focused, and if anything, become more dedicated to your work.

    Do tell your company: When you realise that the relationship is getting serious, it would be wise to let the HR and co-workers know. It builds trust and confidence and prevents awkward situations.

  • Five reasons why women should be financially independent

    It’s very wise to marry a man who can provide for your needs but it’s also better to be able to do so yourself. With the current situation of the economy it’s important that both parties planning to have a family are financially independent.

    Financial independence is the ability to earn a living for oneself. When a woman thinks about marriage, it is important to also think about financial independence before and during marriage.

    Getting married in our society largely necessitates respect, good family values and a lot of other great virtues for women but we often forget the need to be financially independent, having a stand of your own and also knowing how well to manage resources.

    Here why women should be financially independent:

    * A woman who is financially independent is perceived to be responsible. She is capable of taking decisions without the interference of her partner, except when she needs advice on a particular decision that involves finances.

    This increases the self-respect of such women and makes them more confident to face any situation that comes their way. Being financially independent as a woman would enable you fulfill your wishes, and also enhance your skill set.

    *A financial independent woman does not feel dependent and does not have to tolerate violence or abuse because they are dependent on their partners for everything.

    READ ALSO: How youths can be financially independent

    The truth is that a man gets tired at the long run when he is the only one providing for the family, especially when he is on the average. Therefore it is extremely important that every woman becomes financially independent so that they never have to feel hopeless in life.

    *A woman becomes a role model when she is financially dependent. She is able to support the needs of her family financially, socially and emotionally and would be seen as a role model to her children. If kids see that their mother is financially independent they would understand the value of money and that would inspire them to be self-sufficient when they grow older.

    *A woman, who is financially independent, is able to support her partner due to the rise in cost of living .We all know that to own a decent home, send kids to a good school and live decent life has become very high.

    Therefore a man cannot be left alone to cater for all this as the support of a woman would be needed. Women who are financially independent would not only contribute to everyday expenses of the household but would also help in meeting the family’s financial goals.

    *Finally, a woman who his financially independent is able to cater for the family when there are preemptive emergencies. It is no news that jobs are not super secured as anyone can lose their jobs anytime and neither is life secured. If the man is the only source of income for the family then there would be problem in the nearest future.

  • Six ways to make your long-distance relationship work better

    By Samuel Oamen

     

     

    Some people believe that being faithful is difficult especially when two lovers are so far apart. They feel maintaining communication might become increasingly difficult and as the relationship lasts longer, insecurities might arise because one person is not around to see what the other is doing.

    But the truth is long distance relationships can work. Although dating is hard and takes a lot of commitment from both parties, there are ways you can keep your long distance relation going.

    Below you will find tips on how to strengthen your bond with your partner:

    1. Avoid too much communication

    Generally, the standards as to what is considered too much communication varies from couple to couple. There are two extremities: the couple that communicates too much and the couple who doesn’t communicate enough. You don’t need to compensate for the distance by strangling each other with possessiveness.

    There are couples who can last without speaking for three days and remain married for thirty years and there are some who speak every hour and break up after two months. Sometimes when you are calling for too long, there are some jealous questions your partner might want to ask, maybe because your partner hears the voice of a guy around you or that of a female as the case may be, essentially.

    The best thing to do is to just go with the flow and do what is normal for your relationship, avoiding too much communication. Some people even spend the whole time quarreling with their partners on phone about past events than discussing relevant and present issues. Remember too much of everything is bad.

    2. Keep your outing with friends on a low

    Some partners are the jealous and overprotective types. They won’t want to hear that you’re hanging out with a friend, be it male or female. Some male partners get jealous when you hang out with your female friend or a with male friend except if the female friend is someone they have met before. They might have the feeling that the female friend is teaching you some bad things like cheating, partying, clubbing etc.

    READ ALSO: How can I maintain my long-distance relationship?

    Your partner might even get angrier when he gets to know that you are handing out with a male friend. You know your partner more than I do, you know what can upset him, so be wise it is not every place you visit you’ll tell him or her to avoid, jealousy and anger.

    3. Do things together.

    Doing things together can mean a variety of things. In this technologically- driven society, you may want to consider playing online video games together when you are less busy. You can as well see a movie of YouTube together, then analyse the movie. Also you can read the same e-books, Skype, video call over the distance. Even though you’re living apart from each other, that doesn’t mean you can’t share bonding experiences.

    4. Send love messages and gifts on special days.

    You should see sending of messages and buying of gifts as very important. It might not be every time but only depends on how buoyant you are and you shouldn’t complain of not having money because you can save up for this. There are some very special days you shouldn’t forget to send a special message and gift to your partner. These days, you can just order from an e-commerce site, and your order will get delivered to your partner.

    Nothing is too little. You only need to know those important days in the life of your partners so as to send them good wishes and gifts. However, it’s not only on special days you can send gifts, you can do so even when your partner least expect.

    5. Visit each other

    Your relationship must be a two- way street. Obviously, you can’t go without seeing each other for the rest of your lives. So visits will be necessary. Besides, you guys will have all that much more fun once you see each other again. Scheduling time to visit your spouse is very important if your relationship must work well. Even in your very busy schedule, you must map out time to visit each other. Visiting each other should also not be one- sided. Visits are not only for the ladies, guys should also find time to pay their partners a visit.

    6. Be honest

    It can be easy to lie in a long distant relationship because you feel after all. He or she isn’t there to prove you wrong. But no good relationship can be built on lies. Therefore, the best thing you can do for your relationship is to be honest with one another.
    It is better not to talk at all than to tell lies, because lies will not always save you.

  • Six things to know before you say I do

    Being married is totally different from dating; many women feel they could handle married life because they have dated their partners for long and feel they know a lot about them already.

    This article is not to scare anyone or discourage you from being married.It would only be sharing helpful tips that would prepare you for that life long journey:

    * Marriage is a black market

    Before saying I do, you should know that no matter how long it takes you to get married, you can never be sure of what you are getting into until you get there. The elderly women in the society most times consider men a necessary evil; you need to make the decision to get married sooner or later and you should brace yourself for whatever you find in the pack you choose.

    * Goals

    Before you take the leap into the lifelong covenant of marriage, it’s important to consider the goals and dreams both of you are nurturing. Will you be able to support one another’s passions and pursuits? How will your marriage affect your goals? Can you pursue your dreams together? You need to know the goals of your partner in the marriage.

    * Communication is key

    Everyone knows that communication is one of the most foundational necessities for a successful marriage.You need to be able to tell your partner what your needs or wants, frustrations, disappointments or dissatisfaction or anger without making them feel attacked or putting them on the defensive. It will help prevent any unnecessary hurt and will put you on the path to a long and happy marriage.

    READ ALSO: What to know before you say I do

    * Love who you are and find true confidence

    Before promising yourself to someone forever, you have to be able to know how special and incredible forever can be with you.You have to believe that first, and not wait for someone to tell you. Believe in yourself, love yourself for who you are and then find confidence in yourself.

    * No marriage is perfect

    It is high time people needed to know that no marriage is perfect, don’t be deceived .Every adorable couple you see has battles they are fighting when no one is with them. Do not compare your situation to theirs as you do not know what lies ahead of them.

    Every one you see around you has one problem or the other, what makes them different from the couples that break up is the fact that they are able to manage the affairs. Be wise in your decisions and make it your duty to work on yours too

  • 16 faults destroying relationships (3)

    1. Expressing love on birthday or valentine’s day. If you wait for only birthdays, anniversaries, special holidays, valentine’s day and so on before you can express love to your partner, then this is a big mistake. When people do not receive frequent affective affirmation from their partner, the possibility of cheating increases. Show your partner that you notice them, buy gifts and frequent little items to show love and appreciation.

    Action Plan:  A frequent kiss or squeezing of the hand before setting out for the day can go a long way, show your partner that he or she is valued and noticed, you don’t need to buy an airplane to show love. As long as it is from the heart and not only on special holidays only.

    1. Monitoring spirit or FBI

    Trust is a major requirement in any relationship, when two people want to make it work, trust is key, commitment is key, loyalty is key. Do you have confidence in your partner? Are you afraid to even leave their side for one minute? Any time their phone rings, you jump and you are very anxious to see the caller id? If she says she is going out, you are already timing her movement? If he says he is hanging out with the boys, you are already set to install cctv camera on his body? You need to relax and trust them, unless you have good reason not to. Doubting your partner may be a symptom of a larger problem

    Action Plan: Have confidence in your mate and respect their privacy: Don’t snoop through texts, emails, or bedroom drawers. No good comes out of this, and innocent detail can be misinterpreted. Be sure and absolutely sure before you develop a third eye. Stay off social media and other online platforms for a while.

    1. Allowing yourself go attitude

    A lot of us as human beings, don’t stay the same size, especially after marriage, some develop pot bellies, grow armpit hair, start eating without decorum, just because she is now your wife or he is now your husband doesn’t mean you should now put on so much weight, stop combing your hair, stop brushing your teeth, dress shabbily, not take proper care of yourself and ambitions. You have to make a conscious effort not to deviate drastically. don’t let your self-waste away.

    Action Plan: If you are overweight, try and exercise together. Remember who you are and try to improve on your game as much as possible. Stop tying wrapper or wearing boring clothes, just ensure you are not left behind, learn to evolve positively.

    1. Comparing your spouse to others

    For those that can’t seem to get over their ex. Remember the reasons they became your ex, let them stay as ex.  Stop saying how clean your ex is, or how organized your ex is, or how great in bed your ex is /was or how intelligent your ex was, if they were that good, you would have been with your ex and not your present partner. Stop comparing your husband, wife, partner to your ex, it will lead to conflict, insecurity, hurt and eventually ruin your relationship or marriage if you are not careful.

    Action Plan:  Move on first of all, then set expectations that make sense. Your past is your past. Please walk away as comparison will only destroy things and make your partner hate you. They may also never get over the comparisons so please stop it.

    1. No breathing space

    Even the most fun loving people, need alone time  sometimes, maybe not as frequently as quite people, but they do crave silence and “me time” sometimes/ Everyone needs some alone time , no matter how long you have been together.  Just give your partner some space to breathe. Feeling choked in a relationship can harm the relationship. Try not to become a “handbag” all the time. It may be okay for some events and places, but once in a while people need time out to breathe.

    Action Plan: Having time together is beautiful, but many couples I have seen, survived because they have allotted specially some “me time.” It is a very important requirement for relationships to survive. This can help couples to individually think and plan, pursue hobbies, and develop new skills and not feel choked. Partners are happier if they have some measure of independence and self-reliance. Couples can also discuss about the benefits of me-time, its impact on them. Me time does not translate to being secretive. It doesn’t mean you now have an excuse not to speak or communicate with your partner.