The Nation Newspaper

Category: Romance

  • Seven tips for a happy marriage

    EVEN though we all hope our marriage will last forever, a third of marriages end in divorce, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics. “Tough spots will always occur – one partner might get sick, get the sack, or need to attend to a dying parent,” says psychologist Meredith Fuller, explaining that every union will go through happy and hard times. A long-lasting marriage needs commitment, good communication and a good dose of love and affection. Try these seven tips for a happy marriage:

    Create your own rituals

    It could be as simple as making your husband a coffee in the morning while he lets you lie in at the weekend. Whatever you choose, a ‘couples’ ritual is a way to connect with your partner in the madness of a busy life. “The comfort of little rituals are trust giving, safety maintaining, and love enhancing  these things help us get through the day in the outside world,” says Meredith. “If your partner says they love you and demonstrates that with consistent gestures, you can believe it.”

    Learn to communicate

    If you or your hubby is a poor communicator, don’t just put up with it, says Meredith – being able to talk openly with your partner is a sign of a strong marriage. “Develop your skills  go to classes, read books, observe good communicators and interview them about technique, ask for feedback, practice,” she advises. “Communication skills enhance all areas of your life  home and work. Get cracking  no excuses.”

    Money matters

    We usually handle money in the same way as our family did, and often assume our way is best. Not so, says Meredith, who advises discussing your views on paying bills, saving and credit cards before you tie the knot. “You need to come up with the new blended way you both will do things. It’s easy to have a major joint account where you both must tell each other what you do, and a slush fund minor private account each where you can be yourself without having to justify what you spend.”

    Respect and affection are deal breakers

    Small gestures matter – if you want your marriage to last, keep reminding each other that you love each other and nurture your relationship with kind words. “You need to treat each other preciously  not for granted,” says Meredith. “Some people say ‘I love you’, and some people will show ‘I love you’  make sure that your partner understands your message, and work out what you both need then try to accommodate each other.”

    Adultery and jealousy are different things

    No matter how hard a marriage may seem at times, and while having affair might be exciting, almost everyone involved – children included  are destined to be harmed. “Either you are in or out  never humiliate your partner by duplicity,” says Meredith. “On the other hand, if your partner is jealous, and there is no reason for this, nip it in the bud. It is not cute or sweet, it is inappropriate, and can lead to violence. Get help. See a counsellor, and explore the past and work on this.”

    Make room for sex

    If you and your hubby’s libidos are matched evenly, don’t worry if sex takes a back seat on having kids. If one wants more nookie than the other, however, Meredith advises making room for sex in a busy schedule. “That might mean getting enough rest and sleep the night before, cancelling any other commitments, getting the kids minded, turning off your phones and computers, and doing nice things to each other,” she says. “Think about what the other person wants, not just what you feel like giving. So, ask them, take it in turns and take your time.” She adds that it’s perfectly normal for sex to fall of the menu when kids come into the mix. “Sometimes you just have to hang in there because one of you is dog tired. It wont be dreadful forever – but if the drought goes on for too long, seek some assistance.”

    Put your marriage first

    Meredith adds that having a happy marriage means being prepared to take turns with life’s stages. “You can still work towards your goals, but maybe they will take longer to achieve, because right now you choose to help your husband study for a post grad course, or delay moving interstate so he can care for his elderly father.” And, for those bored with their partner, she says slow and steady beats the highs and lows of an anxious passion anytime. “There are two aspects that glue lovers together in the long term: like and respect.”

    Source: Kidspot

  • My best friend’s husband (1)

    THE first time I set my eyes on Eric, something told me I had met ‘the one’ I had been searching for. My soul just went out to him as romantic writers would describe it. Unfortunately, it was all one sided- Eric did not reciprocate my feelings. Instead, he had eyes only for my best friend, Patra.

    Patra and I had known each other since we were very young. Infact, we grew up together in the same neighbourhood and had attended the same secondary school. Later, her father, who worked in a government parastatal, was transferred to Abuja and we lost contact for a while. As fate would have it, she was posted to Lagos for her youth service programme and that’s how we got reunited.

    By then, I was running my own business, a wedding planning outfit. When Patra finished the NYSC, I invited her to come and join me in the business. We have been working together for about four years and the business has grown in that period. And we have not had any personal problems, that is until Eric came on the scene.

    I first met him at a client’s house. She was Eric’s sister who had contracted us to plan her wedding. She was still living with her parents and Eric, who lived elsewhere in town, was on a visit to the family.

    I pride myself on being someone who is not easily carried away by emotions especially where men were concerned. But meeting Eric changed all that. I think I was attracted to him from the first time we met, which was a record as it usually took me time to get to like a guy. Anyway, after that first meeting, I did not see Eric again till some weeks later. Patra and I had finished another meeting with Sharon, his sister and were on our way out when he arrived. My heart grew warm at the sight of him, wishing he had come earlier.

    “I see you ladies are done already,” he said as he stepped out of his car. I told him we had another session with Sharon in a few days.

    “I hope my sister is not giving you a tough time. She can be quite stubborn you know,” he stated, his eyes all the while focused on Patra. Then lowering his voice in a conspiratorial tone, he added: “This is top secret. She has been like that since we were young. I feel sorry for the young man she wants to marry. The poor guy doesn’t know what is about to hit him!” And with that, he waved at us and walked briskly towards the house, leaving us gaping after him.

    One day in our small office, Patra and I were going through some files on her laptop when her mobile rang. She walked towards the window and spoke for sometime on the phone, then turned to me, a surprised look on her face.

    “Who was it?” I asked indifferently, my eyes on the computer.

    “It’s that guy Eric, Sharon’s sister. He wants to take me out for a drink or something. He says you can come too if you are free,” she said. At the mention of his name, I looked up quickly, fully interested.

    “Why would he want to do that?” I asked. I remembered the way he used to look at Patra the few occasions we had met him and my heart fell. God, I hope it’s not what I’m thinking, that he likes Patra. He can’t because I want him for myself, I silently prayed.

    “Who knows, Una? Maybe, he just wants to show appreciation for all the hard work we have put in planning his sister’s wedding,” she stated, with a shrug. Deep within me, I knew it was more than that…

    Losing Eric

    My worst fears were confirmed during the outing with Eric. He took us to an open air garden bar by the lagoon front in the city. We sat close to the water front where some water hycinths grew profusely.

    That evening, it was clear to even the blind that Eric liked my friend. It was not just because he paid more attention to her, but the manner he looked and interacted with her. At a point I simply sat, glumly staring at a few boats that were speeding away, leaving a trail of foamy water in their wake.

    Though it was a nice outing, I felt unhappy at the way things had turned out. Eric whom I liked so much had obviously chosen my friend over me. And she seemed to like him too as she confessed to me when we got home later that night. For one of the few times since our friendship began, I was angry with Patra. I felt betrayed and resentful, feeling that because of her, I had lost Eric.

    How can you lose someone you never had in the first place, the reader might wonder. Truth is, from the first moment I set my eyes on him, in my mind, he was already mine. Now, my friend had taken him from me! I knew I was being unreasonable but I could not help myself. I was consumed by jealousy, wondering what was so special about my friend that Eric would chose Patra over me.

    I kept all these thoughts to myself and never allowed how I felt about Eric to show. Even when they started dating fully, I wished her the best in the relationship. Deep inside me however, I prayed it would not last and that they would break up within a short time.

    My prayers stayed unanswered for with time, their relationship seemed to wax stronger and stronger. My friend had fallen in love and it showed in the glow in her eyes whenever she talked about him. She never hid anything from me concerning their relationship, both the ups and downs. Whenever they quarreled, I was the one she ran to, complaining bitterly about his ‘difficult ways’ and how controlling he could be. At such times, I would put my jealousy of her aside and console her as a friend.

    It was painful seeing them together but at least I took consolation in the fact that my friend was happy. Gradually, I began to accept the relationship, feeling they were meant to be. There was nothing I could do about it and I had to move on. But try as I could, the strong feelings I had for Eric never waned.

    It was to have dire consequences later as my story will show…

    To be continued

     

    What next? Don’t miss the rest of Una’s intriguing tale next Saturday!

     

    We welcome comments/suggestions from readers. All correspondence should be sent to 08030822400 (sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of Una, Patra and other individuals in the story

  • Caring for the troubled soul

    Caring for the troubled soul

    SHE was just sixteen when her uncle Michael Joseph started whispering sweet things to her ear, things she thought were too true to be true. Jennifer like so many young, naïve girls out there fell for it. Joseph had his way and she became pregnant. As of now, her parents have rejected her and Michal is nowhere to found. The girl is left to her fate.

    This is the case of many young girls out and it will surprise you to know that many of these girls do unthinking things such as killing the baby, selling the baby to strangers, dumping the baby by the roadside or commit suicide. A case of a particular girl was reported by one newspaper some months back about a girl who was raped and she became pregnant. She committed suicide because her mother didn’t believe her story.

    Sadly there are a number of distractions around for young girls these days and these girls don’t know who to run to when the walls start crumbling. Pastor Temilolu Okeowo, the woman behind Girls Club, blames this on lack of awareness. She said having any form of sexual intercourse can impact negatively on the life of a girl child sooner or later. She stressed that this has spiritual implications which can affect the destiny of any girl. She stated that it is imperative for girls to keep their virginity before marriage.

    To her, every sexual intercourse carries a heavy spiritual significance and not only creates a covenant that bond two people together, she said it forms ungodly soul-ties, transfers a lot of evil and virtues from one life to the other. “All of these are one of the devil’s ploys to thwart our glorious destinies. You have to pray for the fullness of the spirit of God to be able to suppress the desires of your flesh and enable you stick to your decision to become a secondary virgin. You need to pray out all the evil that may have been transferred into your life and a recovery of your stolen virtues. You also need to pray to disconnect yourself from your sexual partners,’ she stressed.

    Tales of rape abound and many wonder why this trend is on the increase. Many don’t see sex outside marriage as anything. Girls are being tempted by men with all sorts of things including money, which they collect and give their body in return. Okeowo then goes on to defines virginity this way.  “It is a state of being untouched, unexplored or unspoiled but I never mentioned the hymen which is a membrane which partially closes the opening of the vagina and whose presence is traditionally taken to be a mark of virginity. The hymen could be torn as a result of sexual intercourse, sports, gynecological reasons and so on. Now, do we call a girl whose hymen is intact but who performs all other acts of ungodly sex a virgin? And on the other hand, there are girls whose hymens have been broken by other means but any form of sexual activity and yet they’ve never kissed a guy.”

    Caring for girls

    Over the years, Okeowo has been caring for many girls who have lost their way. Her phone lines are always on for these girls to reach her at any time of the day or night. She visits market places, school, churches and villages to evangelize to girls and preach to them how keeping their virginity till they get married could led to a happy life.

    “As designed by God, your virginity is the bedrock of your destiny. It is your spiritual beauty. It carries the star, potential and talent which God created with you to make you unique. It is the star in your sky. Please don’t pollute your destiny. The world is waiting for your star to shine! Your curiosity about sex and the way your body feels is normal. However, there’s so much you need to know which may eventually condition your mind and calm your desires. For now, DON’T dabble into it “, she advises.

    Okeowo is the seventh child of late Sir Taiwo Okeowo, a Choirmaster extraordinaire, Industrilist, Real Estate magnate, a great lover of God and an exemplary disciplinarian.

    She is an author, a lawyer, a forensics examiner and above all, a child of God. She’s the founder/president of Girls Club of Nigeria a non-governmental organisation aimed at influencing a positive change in the female folk for God and its ministry arm The Girls Apostolic Ministry of All Nations.

    She has since seen the salvation of girls from destruction as her calling and her primary responsibility for the kingdom of God having been passed through fire and moulded by God for this divine assignment.