Category: Saturday Magazine

  • Why Success in the family (4)

    Dear Reader

    You are welcome to the concluding edition in Jesus’ Mighty Name! By the enabling power of the Holy Spirit, I have been able to show you reasons why your marriage must succeed, the principles of a successful home, and the dangers of lack of success in marriage. Today, I shall be teaching on a subject which I titled, ‘Mind your tongue’.

    The tongue is an important part of our human make-up as it affects our daily triumphant living. The Word of God says: Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof (Proverbs 18:21). This part of our system is so important; it determines whether we live or not. God has promised to grant the desires of your heart this year. You need to always say only what you want to have. You may desire life, but if you permit your tongue to speak death, you cannot have anything but death. The Word of God says: … He shall have whatsoever he saith (Mark 11:23).

    What are you saying to your life this year? Are you speaking God’s Word and promises or are you saying negative things to your life? Life is a choice. Choose whether to use your tongue to bring about peace in your home or not. The tongue is either for blessing or cursing. As you use it, you reap its fruits. The Word of God says: What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile (Psalm 34:12-13).

    Every good tree brings good fruit, while a bad tree produces bad fruit. What do you want in your family this year? I don’t care how much you can pray, fast or give, you will still reap the fruits of your lip. Keep your mouth from speaking evil. The Word of God says: A man’s belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled (Proverbs 18:20). Your home shall be satisfied with the fruit of your mouth. What is happening to you now is not the work of any devil, neither is it any witch near your house, but rather, it is the fruit of your tongue.

    The words of your mouth are seeds. When you plant them in your home, they begin to germinate and bring forth the kind of fruit your seed is made of. In Matthew 16:19, we are told that whatsoever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and that which you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. You bind and loose with your tongue, therefore, determine how to use your tongue. Your tongue is creative. Use it well. Our God is not a purposeless God. For everything He created, there is a purpose. He created the tongue for a purpose.

    God wanted to create a world that would be very good. His desire was implanted deep in His heart. The day He gave voice to His desire, our world was born. When He looked at all He had made, He put a final stamp of approval and declared them, “Very good” (Genesis 1:13). Even if the creation work was very good, as soon as God proclaimed that it was very good, the earth adjusted. Whatever good you desire to see in your home, speak it into being.

    From the Word of God, we understand that there are different types of tongues. God will not force anything on you. He has given you a will to choose that which will benefit you and bring about all- around happiness to you. We have:

    1. Wholesome Tongue: (Proverbs 15:4) It is a healing tongue. It is spirit-filled. It heals the heart of the weary.

    2. Soft Tongue: (Proverbs 25:15) It breaks the bone. It dissolves anger. It pacifies. (See Abigael – 1 Samuel 25)

    3. Just Tongue: (Proverbs 10:20) It brings about deliverance. It produces life. It delivers the oppressed. It delivers one from fear. It speaks only the truth.

    4. Tongue of Wisdom: (Proverbs 15:2) This has no relevance with age. It correctly applies knowledge. It speaks with grace and the wisdom of God.

    5. Lying Tongue: (Colossians 3:9; Leviticus 19:11; Proverbs 12:20-22) This is a tongue that makes false statements with the intention of deceiving another person.

    6. Deceitful Tongue: (Psalms 50:19-22; Psalm 52:2-5) A tongue full of deceits. It eventually brings about destruction.

    7. Flattery Tongue: (Proverbs 6:24) Speaking wrong words of praise to destroy.

    8. Slanderous Tongue: (Genesis 39:7-20) Destroying another person’s character.

    9. Backbiting tongue: (Proverbs 25:23) Speaking evil concerning a person in his/her absence.

    10. Double Tongue: (1 Timothy 3:8) Saying different things in deceit to suit yourself.

    11. Perverse Tongue: (Proverbs 17:20) It is a foolish tongue. Talks without having a purpose for talking. Argues unreasonably.

    12. Sharpened Tongue: (Psalm 140:3) Full of poison. Ready to murder. Speaking words of destruction to other people’s destiny. It incites evil between people.

    13. Excessive Talking: (Proverbs 10:19) Talking without break. Gossiping.

    Dear reader, of all listed above, which do you choose? Or rather, which is your own? The Bible encourages us to constantly examine ourselves and make amendments. Which of them is operational in your life now? Is it the positive one or negative? Examine yourself and make amendments. As it affects you, your family and all around you, let there be changes in your tongue this year. You will no doubt reap the fruits.

    Determine to reap good fruits by the words of your mouth. Ask God to touch your lips with His coal of fire, even as He did to Isaiah (Isa. 6:5-7). This year, by the words of your mouth, you can turn the situation in your home from bad to good, from good to best, and from shame to glory. Speak well concerning your husband or wife. Let words of grace come out of your mouth to your children. Refuse to talk like the people of the world concerning your business.

    You must be born again in order to obtain that success you desire in your home. Please say this prayer and be born again: Dear Lord Jesus, I come to You today as a sinner. Forgive me of my sins. I believe You died and rose on the third day for my sins. I accept You as my Lord and Saviour. Make me a child of God today.

     

    Congratulations, you are now born again! I believe that you will begin to experience the reality of the price that Jesus paid for your sins at Calvary. All-round rest and peace are guaranteed you, in Jesus’ Name!

     

    Call or write, and share your testimonies with me through:

    E-mail: faithdavid@yahoo.com Tel. No: 08141320204; 07026385437; 07094254102

    For more insight, these books authored by me are available at the Dominion Bookstores in all Living Faith Churches and other leading Christian bookstores: Marriage Covenant, Making Marriage Work, Single With A Difference, Building A Successful Family, and Success In Marriage (Co-Authored with Bishop David Oyedepo).

  • Drugs you should know about: Pain killers

    Pain killing is a paradox. If the commandment: “thou shall not kill” refers to pain we would all be dead by now. Pain is a killer, is seems. It disturbs our enjoyment of life and our productivity. However, pain is not the real enemy. Rather, pain is a warning that something is disturbing our life.

    Very often we try to kill the pain with a drug and forget the something that the pain is warning us about. We use pain killers cosmetically, covering up a medical problem. This is perhaps one of the first things we should remember when we take pain killers. Pain killers work to relieve the pain but one should be on the look-out to see if and how the pain recurs so that any real serious underlying problem can be brought to one’s health care professionals.

    We use pain killers regularly. Some persons may actually use pain killers routinely without any prescription. Choosing a pain killer depends on the kind of pain that one is suffering from. Many pain killers are over-the-counter drugs that one does not need a doctor’s prescription to buy them. Amongst the most popular are paracetamol and NSAIDs (Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).

    There are chemical substances in our bodies called prostaglandins. They are amongst the mediators of pain and inflammation. The enzyme cyclooxygenase (COX) promotes release of prostaglandins. Disease conditions increase COX activity. NSAIDs are COX inhibitors.

    Paracetamol which is also known as acetaminophen appears to act more directly within the brain. Aspirin and the other NSAIDs inhibit COX in most parts of the body. They decrease both pain and inflammation caused by prostaglandins produced by COX.

    Over-the-counter preparations of paracetamol include Panadol, Excedrin, and Tylenol in 500 mg tablets and they are used for headache, arthritis, rheumatism, and musculo-skeletal pain.

    Paracetamol use is generally safe. However excess or extended use of this drug can cause fatal liver damage and kidney damage. Paracetamol is taken orally or rectally. Intravenous preparations of the drug are also used by doctors to treat patients before an operation.

    Aspirin and NSAIDs are well known to cause peptic ulcers, renal failure, allergic reactions, and occasionally hearing loss, and they can increase the risk of spontaneous bleeding.

    Children suffering from viral illness can develop a severe liver disorder called Reye’s syndrome, if given aspirin.

    Aspirin is the oldest painkiller used in modern medicine and is perhaps the cheapest. Common over the counter names include: Anacin, Bayer, Bufferin, Ecotrin for aspirin products. Aspirin is commonly manufactured as 81mg or 325 mg tablets. It is used for minor aches and pains, cold, headache, and muscle ache.

    If you are stressed up and want to use a pain killer for pain, remember aspirin may cause upset stomach and gastrointestinal bleeding because stress increases stomach acid secretion that can lead to ulcer. Paracetamol may be less risky in this respect. Some aspirin tablets (coated and buffered preparations) are specially made to decrease the risk of ulcer therefore ask your pharmacist for such preparations.

    People with asthma should avoid aspirin because it can cause allergic reactions. Children under 16 year are best treated with paracetamol because aspirin can cause Reyes syndrome.

    To be continued.

     

    Dr. ’Bola John is a biomedical scientist based in Nigeria and in the USA. For any comments or questions on this column, please email bolajohnwritings@yahoo.com or call 07028338910 or 08160944635

  • KOICA: A ‘smile’ mission and its challenges in Nigeria

    KOICA: A ‘smile’ mission and its challenges in Nigeria

    SINCE April 1, 1991 when the Korea International Cooperation Agency (KOICA) was established, it has been serving as a platform with which the Republic of South Korea reaches out to the world in terms of grant in aid and technical cooperation programmes. Having risen from the category of a nation which once rated as a “bottomless pit” to a ‘developed economy’, the Korean government has been using KOICA to inspire many developing countries and provide development modules for them to emulate. Its ultimate objective revolves around its key slogan: “Making a better world together.”

    A brief on KOICA says: “In particular, Korea has the unique experience of developing from one of the poorest countries in the world to one of the most economically advanced, as recently demonstrated by Korea’s entry into the OECD/DAC (Development Assistance Committee) on November 25, 2009. The know-how and experience Korea gained from this transition are invaluable assets that allow KOICA to efficiently support the sustainable socio-economic development of its partner countries and to offer them hope for a better world.”

    The KOICA mustard seed has spread to 44 countries in Asia, Africa, Middle East, Pacific, Latin America and others alike. Records showed that Korea has laid out targets to attain 0.25 per cent of GNI in Official Development Assistance (ODA) which would amount to $2.8billion in 2015. As for KOICA, its budget has drastically increased by almost 30 times from 17.4 billion won in 1991 to 499 billion won in 2012. A document gave insight into the huge bill.

    It says: “In the past, development cooperation efforts were focused mainly on meeting the Basic Human Needs (BHNs) of developing countries and on fostering their Human Resources Development (HRD). However, the focus has now broadened to promoting sustainable development, strengthening partnerships with developing partners, and enhancing the local ownership of beneficiaries. Additionally, global concerns such as the environment, poverty reduction, and gender mainstreaming, have gained significant importance in the international community.”

    According to the “2011 UNESCO Global Monitoring Report”, “more than 795 million adults are illiterate, around 17% of the world’s adult population. Women make up nearly two-third of the total. Sub-Saharan Africa and South and West Asia account for 73% of the global. Globally, there were still 67 million children out of school children in 2008. More than one-third of these children lived in low income countries.”

    Although Nigeria and the Republic of South Korea opened diplomatic ties in 1980, KOICA berthed in Abuja in 2008 but with hurricane impacts on the nation’s development. The Chief Representative of KOICA in Nigeria, Jung Sang-Hoon said the agency’s mission centres on the target of putting SMILE on Nigerians through professionalism, passion, creativity and integrity.

    Working in close collaboration with the Federal Ministry of National Planning in the last five years, more than 713 public officials at the federal and state levels had benefited from different capacity-building related courses in Korea. Most of these officials are in charge of development plans in their various offices underscoring South Korea’s emphasis on human capacity enhancement.

    Hinging its success story on human capacity development, Korea has designed many courses to assist Nigeria to address the challenges facing it in public service, especially the issue of red-tapism. The training programmes for Nigerians border on the following: vocational training; human resource development, governance, agriculture, education crime prevention; GIS remote sensing; and pharmaceutical regulatory affairs management.

    KOICA achievements in the last five years in Nigeria

    In the last five years, KOICA has spent about $20million on various intervention programmes in the country. Besides human capacity training for more than 713 public officials, six to seven candidates have been selected in 2013 for the summer term fellowship programme(Master’s Degree) to “provide opportunities for candidates from partner countries to enhance technical and administrative skills to enable them to contribute to the country’s development.

    Some of the candidates are Farouk Umar Hamed; Omolara Ogunruku; Uzokwe Chukwuemeka; and Bernard Adebayo. On the training of the candidates, KOICA Office in Nigeria said: “The agency embarks on specific courses yearly that are tailor-made to fit the Nigerian situation. For this year, the courses are being designed as multi-year programmes so as to serve as a long-term support that will ensure effectiveness and improve outcomes of the programmes.”

    KOICA has also been assisting Nigeria on Millennium Development Goals and poverty reduction. For a nation with 10million out of school children, this has attracted the attention of the Korean government. Without prejudice to the Almajiri Scheme, KOICA constructed $1.8million model primary schools in Yola and Mayo-Belwa in Adamawa State; Akko and Barunde in Gombe State and the FCT. It has also organised capacity training scheme for teachers and school administrators in the affected states. When the Minister of Education, Chief Nyesom Wike visited South Korea in March 2012, he admitted that KOICA has also built 37 classrooms in Kogi and Katsina States. Beyond partnership with Nigeria on Basic Education, there are indications that KOICA may facilitate collaboration between Nigerian and Korean universities. KOICA’s investment in the Education Sector in the country, from 2013 to 2018, is estimated to cost $15million Twenty rice millers have also been donated to victims of last year’s flood.

    States that benefited from the gesture were Benue (10); Kogi (5); and Bayelsa(5). The millers which cost about N30m, was handed over to the Director-General of National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA), Muhammed Sani Sidi, for onward distribution to the beneficiary state.

    Also, in 2007, both KOICA and the National Poverty Eradication Programme(NAPEP) had an understanding to establish Cassava processing centres in Kogi, Enugu and Ogun states. The foot-dragging of the states led to the cancellation of 2012 KOICA budget for the project by Korean Government. After some hiccups, however, only Kogi State signed a Memorandum of Understanding on April 13, 2013 to establish a Cassava Processing Centre in Egbeda-Egga, near Kabba.

    Findings revealed that the agricultural intervention by KOICA appears timely going by a World Bank report in April. The Korean agency quoted the report as stating: “Agriculture has contributed little to the economic growth of Nigeria in the last 15 years. The report stated that agriculture had contributed more to economic development in resource-poor nations than in resource-rich nations such as Nigeria. A major reason for this is rather than grow their economies through agriculture, resource-rich nations on the continent, including Nigeria have depended more on the rents from mineral resources.”

    To address unemployment in the country, KOICA, in partnership with NAPEP and Arewa Transformation and Empowerment Initiative, has decided to put in place a multi-purpose vocational centre, called Nigeria-Korea Friendship Institute and Advanced Technology in Lokoja . Once the pilot project is successful, many of such centres will be sited in the country. The vocational centre will focus on mass training of unemployed youths in Automobile Engineering; Electrical Engineering; Information and Communication Technology and Welding and Fabrication. Other projects are a Teachers’ Training Institute in Enugu State and Model Schools in Oyo and Osun States. Another visible initiative of KOICA is the Nigerian-Korean collaboration to strengthen health and technology development infrastructure for neglected diseases. Multi-million dollar HIV/AIDS equipment had been donated to the Federal Ministry of Health for utilization at the Federal Medical Centre, Lokoja and University of Nigeria Teaching Hospital, Ituku Ozall in Enugu State.

    About five sessions of workshop had been held for stakeholders in the health sector with the goals being: establishment of pharmaceutical R &D and pilot manufacturing infrastructure; collaboration with private sector to improve local investment, public-private and private-private partnerships; and implementation of training and capacity building exchange programme with Korean experts under the auspices of the Africa Network for Drugs and Diagnostics Innovation(ANDI).

    Speaking with our correspondent on Wednesday, the Chief Representative of KOICA in Nigeria, Jung Sang-Hoon, said: “KOICA is helping Nigerian government to achieve Vision 20: 20. I want more aid for the people of Nigeria. I also want quality aid delivery for the Nigerian people.

    “We are eager to see Nigeria utilising its full potential. We are ready to help you.”

    Why is South Korea reaching out to the world?

    Many states and Nigerians have not been able to catch the KOICA bug because of past experience where aid or grants were tied to modern economic slavery. But experience has shown that South Korea is only trying to give back to the world in the light of her experience. Since KOICA training programmes started, neither Nigeria nor its candidates had been forced to enter into any bond. Jung Sang-Hoon spoke on KOICA’s mission. He said: “Koreans want to share their dreams with their Nigerian counterparts. We fought poverty within a short time and we want Nigerians to adopt the “CAN DO” spirit.”

    In November 2009 the Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs, Oh Joon, said: “Half a century ago, Korea was one of the poorest nations in the world, endeavouring to emerge from the ashes of the Korean War to rebuild itself.” According to Oren Hadar, “Foreign economic assistance was essential to the country’s recovery from the Korean War in the 1950s and to economic growth in the 1960s because it saved Seoul from having to devote scarce foreign exchange to the import of food and other necessary goods, such as cement. It also freed South Korea from the burden of heavy international debts during the initial phase of growth and enabled the government to allocate credit in accordance with planning goals.”

    Korean International Cooperation Agency (KOICA) has said the agency offers technical cooperation assistance to Nigeria with a mission toward making a better world together.

    KOICA said: “Such assistance is in the areas of education, vocational training, agriculture and governance, with the mission of making a better world together,” it stated.

    “The project’s aid programme supports the construction of schools, hospitals, vocational training centres and other indispensable facilities.’’

    Testimony from Nigerian beneficiaries of KOICA

    From encounters with most products of KOICA in Nigeria, the feel of Korea Miracle has changed their lives. In his testimony after a post-graduate course, a staff of the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), Naif Abdulsalam, said: “I think the uniqueness of Korea is their development experience. They started as an aid receiver and now they are one of the biggest donors in the world. I think Nigeria has a lot to learn from them. The way they developed, even in development studies, Korea is called the miracle of development. You can’t really pick up what is the thing about their development but I believe it’s genuine leadership, people’s commitment. I think those are the basic things lacking in Nigeria.”

    On his part, the President of KOICA Alumni Association in Nigeria, Mr. Isa Hussein, who is a director with the News Agency of Nigeria, said: “Your life is transformed once you taste the Korean experience. You come back with zeal to do more for your country.”

    An Assistant Director with the Federal Ministry of Environment, Mrs. Iniobong Awe, said she returned from Korea with a ‘doable’ vision. She said: “We saw South Korea before development and South Korea after development. And we saw the space of time. It is remarkable that it is doable, given the short time: 30 years.”

    Reliving his KOICA training experience, a staff of the Department of Environmental Assessment of the Federal Ministry of Environment, Aliyu Moshood, said: “The Korean people see themselves as one. That is an important lesson I learnt. They are united and very proud of their country. You constantly hear them use words like ‘my country’, ‘my country.’ You hardly notice whether they have differences in terms of religion or culture…this is very unique to me as a Nigerian.”

    The challenges facing KOICA mission in Nigeria

    In spite of the eagerness of KOICA to promote enduring partnership with Nigeria in some key sectors, poor attitude on the part of some federal ministries, departments and agencies is waning down its enthusiasm. Jung Sang-Hoon said: “I can say that this is the fifth country where I have worked. I have served in Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Nepal and Jordan. This is my first experience in Africa but Nigerian experience is different.

    “I find Nigeria more diplomatically challenging than any other country. There are problems of preparation and readiness on the part of Nigeria. When we are ready, those we relate with, and even some state governments, do not care about timing.

    “For instance, some HIV/AIDS equipment worth $500,000 have been shipped to Nigeria but they have been at the port for many months. Officials of the Federal Ministry of Health have been attributing the delay to the customs clearance of the equipment at the port. In Niger State, we ought to finish a $1.6million rice processing factory in Bida one or two years ago, but we had difficulty in getting the right contractor. The contractor we got was bankrupted.

    “Usually, KOICA’s aid volume is not thick but even at that, Nigerian public officials do not understand the value of our aid. They often calculate the money. Also, where there is need for matching grants, these will not be provided. We are hopeful that the situation will change.

    “Due to attitude challenge and timing, we have had cause to cancel some intervention programmes. We are spending our money but some Nigerian public officials do not even persuade us to execute some projects for the citizenry.

    Will Nigerians justify the investment of KOICA?

    Having committed huge resources in the last five years to fill the nation’s manpower gaps, the ball is in the court of the beneficiaries to use the skills to effect changes in their various units. Jung Sang-Hoon said: “It is a matter of attitude; that is why we have a good story to tell the world.”

  • Double celebrations for Kemi Nelson

    Double celebrations for Kemi Nelson

    Gaiety and jollity are berthing once again in the home of the Yeye Sewa of Lagos and former Commissioner for Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation in Lagos State, Mrs. Kemi Nelson. After two marriages, her daughter, Adetoun Nelson, was recently delivered of her first child in the United States of America.

    Beautiful Adetoun got married to Adewole Popoola two years ago and the arrival of their bouncing baby boy penultimate week threw the family into a massive celebration mood. And their joy will be enhanced in the next couple of weeks as Anreti, the first son of Mrs. Nelson, gears up for his wedding to beautiful Tolulope Abayomi Lawal.

    The event will take place at the Archbishop Vinning Memorial Cathedral Church and the Haven event centre in November.

  • The only son(1)

    I’m at a crossroads in my life, caught between the proverbial ‘devil and the deep blue sea’. It’s a choice I have to make as quickly as possible as there’s so much at stake.

    The journey to this critical point in my life began over a decade ago. It was when Kari, my bestie, (best friend) and I first met at the University. We were both freshers then, having just resumed for the new academic session. I was on the staircase of my department after one of my classes late one morning when someone behind me said:

    “I like your top.”

    I turned to see a girl of about my age. She was carrying several books in her right hand while a large black bag dangled from her shoulder. She smiled up at me then placing her books and

    bag on the ground, unwound the scarf she had used to tie up her braided hair. I looked at her surprised as she tied the black headscarf round my hips at the same time stating:

    “And there’s a big, red stain on your skirt at the back.”

    I nearly collapsed with embarrassment on hearing that. My ‘monthly visitor’ seemed to have arrived early, messing up my skirt without my knowing. And to think that I was on my way to another lecture!

    “You are well covered now and the stain is no longer showing. You will have to go to the hostel and change though,” she noted.

    I nodded and thanked her, feeling really grateful to her for saving me from an embarrassing situation.

    “I’m Kari,” she introduced herself, a broad smile on her smooth, roundish face. I told her my name before hurrying down the stairs to make my way to my hostel to change out of my stained skirt.

    A few days later, I saw Kari again. She was in the midst of a group of girls and they were all talking and laughing. I walked up to her and thanked her again for what she did the other day.

    We stood chatting for a while. That day, she invited me to her room which was in the same hall where I lived but I told her I had to go to the library to prepare for a test.

    “You can come and see me anytime,” she stated as she left with her friends.

    After that day, Kari and I became friends. Within a short time I found out we were direct opposites personality-wise. Kari was bubbly, cheerful and outgoing while I was on the quiet side and did not like going out much. After classes, I preferred staying in my room reading or gisting with my roommates.

    Not Kari. She liked going out especially to town to shop and just, ‘look around’ as she put it. “Staying in school all the time can be boring. One needs to catch fun now,” she often said. Kari was very popular especially with guys. She was always getting invited to one party, show or the other. Most times, she would drag me along to these events, often stating, “the books won’t die if you leave them alone for some hours!”

    Kari and I grew closer as the years went by. We often quarreled and had disagreements like most friends but we always made up and continued as before. Then an incident in our final year nearly ruined our friendship for good.

    It was all because of a guy. His name was Dan and he was the son of a top politician and businessman in town. We met at a party and as soon as I set my eyes on him, I liked him instantly. Which was strange because it took me a while before I usually got to like a guy much less date him. So, that night Dan and I got chatting and from the way he was acting, I knew he liked me too. I left the party early as I had to do an assignment and he offered to drop me at school. Kari had not attended the party as she was down with malaria.

    A week later, Dan came to visit me in school and I introduced him to Kari. She had recovered by then and was her usual bubbly self, cracking jokes and making him laugh. He later left, after promising to take both of us out the following weekend.

    On the date, I noticed he spent more time chatting with Kari than me. I was a bit uneasy and I must say jealous that he was paying more attention to my friend. But I did not read any meaning into it then and just decided to enjoy the outing.

     

    Lost love

    Two weeks later, when I had not heard from Dan, I was not worried because I knew he would eventually come to see me. Then, a classmate of mine who attends classes from home, told me she had seen Kari and Dan at a shopping mall in town.

    I questioned her closely about what she saw.

    “They seemed to be shopping. It looked as if he bought a lot of stuff for her for she was carrying many shopping bags,” she disclosed. I found that difficult to believe. Why would Dan, my supposed boyfriend be shopping with my best friend, I thought. I shrugged the incident off, believing it was just a co-incidence, that they had met at the mall by chance.

    I called Dan on phone but it was an Assistant who answered, informing me that Dan had travelled out of town and would be away for sometime. You can therefore imagine my surprise when I had gone one evening to visit Kari in her room a few days later, to see him with Kari on the verandah of her room. They were standing close, talking quietly and looked really cosy together.

    “When did you come back from your trip?” I asked him when I met up with them. He shrugged and gave me a vague answer.

    Later, as I saw him off at the car park, I asked him if we could see that weekend. He shook his head, saying he would be busy. As I watched him drive off, I had this feeling that something was not quite right.

    When I called him later that week, he told me bluntly that I should stop calling him, that he was no longer interested in seeing me. I was shocked, wondering what I had done. Though we had been seeing for a short time, I really liked him a lot and I didn’t want to lose him. So, I pleaded with him to rescind his decision and remain with me. He said it was not possible as he was in love with someone else.

    “Is it Kari?” I asked bluntly. He was silent for a while before he said:

    “Yes.”

    I felt as if I had been struck by a big blow. It was bad enough losing my boyfriend; it was a double blow losing him to my best friend. The following day, I confronted Kari on the matter, calling her a boyfriend snatcher and other names. This caused a big quarrel and rift between us. For the rest of that semester, we were not on speaking terms and we went our separate ways…

     

    To be continued

    Preview of next week’s episode

     

    ****

    In all the years I had known her, I had never seen Kari look so miserable. My heart went out to her and feeling sorry for her said:

    “It’s ok. Everything will be alright.”

    “How can it be alright when he has left me!” she said in a mournful tone.

     

    Names have been changed to protect the identities of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

     

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

     

  • 7 Secrets to make your relationship last

    Every long-term relationship has its bumps, and they can pop up at any time. Learn to navigate them smoothly — before they send your relationship into a ditch.

    No matter how long you’ve been together, there are some simple, fundamental rules of the road. Putting them into practice isn’t always easy, but it is critical. Make your relationship stronger, and the good stuff — fun, sex, trust, affection — will be better than ever.

    1. Be Vocal About Things You Like: Boredom, frustration and everyday irritations can douse the spark between you and your partner — and more of the same certainly won’t feed the flame. Making the good stuff your top priority will. Here’s how to do it: First, consider that it takes up to 20 positive statements to outweigh the harm done by one negative one. So compliment your girlfriend on her new shoes, or your boyfriend on his new blue shirt. Thank him for helping around the house. Dial her office for a quick “thinking of you” check-in. Be sure these compliments and thank-yous are heartfelt and specific, and make eye contact when you smile.

    Once you take this approach, you’ll realize that, in addition to knowing how to push your partner’s hot buttons, you know how to push his or her joy buttons too (and we don’t just mean sex). After all, that’s how this whole thing started. It won’t be long before you appreciate that it’s always the right time for small acts of love, like sharing a long kiss before you turn in each night.

    2. Touch Each Other: Human touch aids the release of feel-good endorphins, for giver and receiver. So hold hands when you’re walking,

    and brush her cheek when you smooch good morning. Revive the ways you touched in the early days — a kiss on the back of the ear, a hand through her hair. Adding more of this kind of touch will help you build a fortress of love. That’s important, because a couple who form a tight unit can weather any storm (and are better able to stave off infidelity).

    How do you build this bond? First, support your partner. Take his or her side whenever possible if trouble arises in the “outside world.”

    Keep their secrets to yourself, even when everyone at work spills theirs. Except in a true emergency, don’t let anything interrupt “us” time. That’s what voice mail and bedroom-door locks are for.

    Make a commitment to spend up to 30 minutes a day chatting with each other about everyday plans, goals and, yes, dreams. This is time to build a friendship. Studies show that being friends pays off over time, ensuring a closer, sexier union. And don’t forget to make time for intimacy, even if you must log it in your day planner.

    3. Stop Blaming Your Partner For Everything That’s Wrong: It’s tempting to blame your partner when you feel angry, disappointed, bored, betrayed or stressed out about your relationship. The next step is seeing your mate as the one who must change for the relationship to improve.

    That’s a cop-out. Trying to improve your partner puts him or her on the defensive and casts you in a negative light. The result? Nobody changes. Nobody takes responsibility. Everyone is unhappy. And making your partner the bad guy means ignoring the 90 percent of him or her that’s good.

    The true fix: Change yourself. When you address your own flaws and seek the best in your companion, magic happens. Optimism increases.

    Your partner feels better because he or she feels appreciated, not chastised. And you both feel motivated to change in ways that lead to even more joy.

    4. Improve Your Relationship by Relaxing: The classic advice experts give to singles seeking a perfect match: Be “the one” to attract “the one.” Same goes in a long-term relationship. The happier you feel, the happier your relationship will be, and the easier it will be to manage conflicts. If 15 minutes of morning yoga, a switch to decaf, or a new hobby help you relax, the good feelings can’t help but lead to happier, richer moments together.

    Meanwhile, admit it: You used to fuss over your hair and obsess over the sexiest item to wear to bed. Now, it’s stained sweats and a ratty

    old T-shirt. Time to spruce up your look. Comb that mane, brush those teeth and throw on a new robe. Feeling good about the way you look makes your eyes sparkle. You’re more likely to make eye contact. That sends a spark to your partner. You know what to do next!

    5. Fight Fair: Conflict is a normal, even healthy, part of any relationship. What’s important is how you handle it. In a Florida study of longtime couples, joint problem-solving ability was cited as a key factor for 70 percent of satisfied pairs. With the right tools and attitude, conflict becomes a gateway to deeper intimacy — the chance to be seen and loved for who you truly are, to accept your mate’s adorable, vulnerable real self, and to build a strong union without silently seething.

    First, steer clear of criticism, confrontation and hostility. They’re like gas on a fire. University of California researchers who followed 79 couples for more than a decade found that early divorcers fought long and loud and were always on the attack — or the defensive. Happy couples, on the other hand, avoid verbalizing critical thoughts, keep discussions from escalating, and don’t use absolutes like “never” and “always.”

    If a fight does start, try to change the subject, inject gentle humour, empathize or show your partner extra appreciation. Too late?

    Call a truce, walk away and cool off for a while.

    6. Pick the Right Time to Argue: Don’t start potentially tough talks if you’re not well rested and well fed. Hunger and fatigue can unleash nasty remarks and dark thoughts. Ban booze for the same reason. Save it for when you’ve achieved detente. That’s worth a toast.

    Don’t ever try to deal with serious marital issues if you’ve got one eye on something else. Turn off the TV, the phone, the laptop. If you’re distracted or going out the door, pick another time to talk.

    You can’t resolve conflicts on the fly.

    7. Learn to Listen: The single most powerful step you can take to keep a relationship solid? Speak less and listen more. Blame, insults,criticism and bullying predict a bad end, or at least a living hell.

    When talk turns combative, don’t interrupt, offer a solution or defend yourself too soon.

    When feelings are at issue, they need to be heard. So nod, rephrase or provide a soft “um-hum” to show you honour the emotions behind the words. Sometimes, all we really need to do to feel closer to someone is pay closer attention to what it is that they’re saying.

  • Chris Erondu set to re-open multi-million naira night club

    What else would debonair man of means and proprietor of upscale Page Nite Club, Opebi, Lagos, not do to make sure that Lagos becomes the reference point in hospitality business? A few years ago, he established Page Nite Club, which soon became the choice hangout for people with high taste.

    From time to time, he reinvents the dynamics of night life in Lagos through various innovations that separate his club from the other ones around. And fun lovers need little or no prompting to troop there in their hundreds every night. Now, they would have more reasons to keep going back.

    A few months ago, Erondu shut down Page Nite club, a decision he said became expedient because he wanted to rebrand and renovate in the interest of his clients who desired a world class standard for the club. This explains the renovation currently going on at the club.

    According to Erondu, the place will soon be re-opened with every amenity that makes life bright and beautiful. “The Page, as far as I am concerned, will be the best thing to happen to those who want to enjoy impressive facilities that are not common place when it re-opens. More so because our service are very affordable and yet not for every Dick and Harry because we have a standard to maintain,” he said. He said the re-opening of Page would be delayed till the festive season to coincide with the club’s anniversary.

  • Rasaq Okoya  ups the tempo

    Rasaq Okoya ups the tempo

    From an early age, he had always wanted to make a difference. He knew that distinguishing himself would come at a price. And instead of taking the well beaten path of mediocrity, he craved and followed the narrow path of seriousness, dedication and diligence.

    Popular Lagos-based billionaire businessman and Aare of Lagos, Chief Rasaq Akanni Okoya, knows just the right time to raise the stakes by a notch and keep others on their toes. This unique ability is something that has kept him going for more than four decades in the Nigerian business environment.

    After many years as one of the leading lights in the business sector, many would think the time has come for the chairman of Eleganza Group to take the back seat. But whoever is nursing such a thought must be sorely mistaken. Rather than slow down, the veteran socialite is set to open a mega branch of his companies soon.

    The Eleganza Group is one of the top homegrown businesses in Nigeria today, with more than six factories. He has completed the huge structure housing the factory at Ibeju-Lekki, Lagos, and is due for commissioning in the next few weeks.

    Celeb Watch gathered that Aare Okoya is pulling all the strings to ensure a grand opening ceremony. At the moment, the excitement in his household can easily be felt by a first-time visitor.

  • Red Carpet spreads out in style

    Red Carpet spreads out in style

    Red Carpet TV, the events show on television, has unveiled a new television programme known as Grandstyle… the Amazing Glitz. Conceived as a super show of special moments, Grandstyle is a weekly 30-minute television programme. It is a show that is intended to bring well packaged, breezy event scenes to the screen.

    According to Yemi Olowolabi, Red Carpet’s CEO, the new programme “is a wholesome social diary distinguished by decent motion pictures and distinct notion of merry features.”

    Olowolabi, a former editor with TELL magazine and former Chief Press Secretary to the late former Governor of Ondo State, Chief Olusegun Agagu, says “Grandstyle is made up of strictly social and corporate events. It is an awesome tour of social circuits, with special emphasis on style, strides and spectacles. It employs a simple narrative technique and supple entertaining language, amply illustrated with appealing visuals.”

    Unlike Red Carpet TV, which runs on satellite and terrestrial channels, Grandstyle will be aired on Sundays on BCOS Ibadan, OSRC, Akure, and a host of other state TV channels.

  • Femi Babalola set for big birthday bash

    Femi Babalola set for big birthday bash

    Popular Ibadan socialite and Chairman of Pentagon Engineering, Femi Babalola, will be 50 in a few days. The founder of the first indoor event centre, Jogor Centre in Ibadan, is set to shake the Ibadan social space with celebration.

    Prominent socialites will gather together for Femi Babalola on October 19. The social pulse is already quivering because it is meant to be an unprecedented occasion befitting the compelling personality of the socialite.

    At his home at the moment, there is a potpourri of jollity and gaiety. A special birthday thanksgiving service will hold at new reservation area Baptist Church, Iyaganku G. R. A. while the reception will be at the Jogor Centre.