Category: Feminique

  • How to stop puffy eyes

    How to stop puffy eyes

     

    Everyone has suffered from puffy eyes at one time or the other; either because you did not get enough sleep, drank too much alcohol, partied too hard or simply find that yours is hereditary. Here are a few tips to banish puffy eyes or under-eye bags to keep your skin looking young and healthy.
    There are three ways to get rid of puffy eyes or under eye bags. Number one, you need to get moisturizer to help your body to de-puff your under eye bugs and get rid of all the toxins that build up there. There are quite a lot of eye creams formulated with ingredients to remove eye bags. Also note, that sometimes your diet can cause a lot of extra fluid to actually collect under your eyes, so if you had a salty meal the night before, you are going to wake up the next morning with more fluid under your eyes, so try to correct your diet a little bit there.

    The second thing you can use is a little secret, nothing more than paper tape. So if you did have had that high salt meal and you know you are prone to these bags the next day, put a little paper tape under your eyes when you got to sleep, the night before, and when you wake up in the morning take away the tape, you will not have the same collection of fluid under your eyes. That’s a secret way to minimize the bags.
    And the third way to get rid of under eye bags after they appear. Anytime you wake up, and see bags under your eyes, and need a quick fix. You can take a very cold shower to constrict all the blood vessels and de-puff, and also do two sets of jumping jacks for 30 seconds each. That circulation is really going to help rev your body up and help drain away some of that extra fluid that collected there.

     

  • Love is just not enough!

    I realise that a lot of singles are so particular about finding the right person that they drain all their energy in the search, but when he surfaces, little or nothing is done to sustain the relationship. It is not getting into a relationship that matters. As a matter of fact, that is just the tip of the iceberg. It is one thing to find a relationship,it is another thing to sustain it. Staying in a relationship needs a lot of work. And for most singles, that is where they miss it.

    You see, although love cements a relationship, it takes much more than love to sustain it. As an individual, you need to work on improving your strengths, thereby downplaying your weaknesses. I know of a mature single lady who craves for a serious relationship, but is about to blow it because she is missing the point of sustaining her relationship.

    After Joke and I got acquainted, on studying her, I realized she was really a nice person with a good heart. Each time we talked, I could sense someone who craved for a serious relationship, but all the guys who came her way ended up dumping her and moving with another woman. Joke and I got really close and we even got spiritual about the whole thing. She fasted and prayed for weeks, concentrating on God’s word and all too soon he came.

    Anyway, he not only swept Joke off her feet, but he treated her with so much respect that there was no contesting he was heaven sent. All that was about two years ago, and guess what? Matt called me a few weeks ago to say he was calling off the relationship with Joke. I wasn’t surprised though because I realised that Joke although has a very good heart, but her attitude is nauseating. As a working class, she was able to give herself and their family some good comfort. But her financial independence got too far. Don’t get me wrong, it is good to be financially independent, of course. But Joke’s financial independence became her undoing because of the way she handled it. Perhaps paranoid from the fact that she had lost confidence in relationship I could sense her laid-back attitude to work on her relationship with Matt, as we fondly called him.

    Indeed Joke was optimistic about getting into a relationship and she indeed got one by the Grace of God, but she wasn’t doing anything to make her relationship work without actually realising it. Matt, at some point, had called me to speak about her attitude with me and I assured him she would turn a new leave. For the most part of their relationship, she took him for granted. After almost two years, she wouldn’t even accept to meet his family when he demanded for her to meet with them. She was too engrossed in making money that she didn’t seem to realise  she was taking him for granded. Her excuse was always that she loved Matt no doubt, but she needed to secure their future together. The truth was she wished that their relationship would end in marriage, but the kind of lifestyle she had imbibed as someone who was fortunate to get a well- paying job after her graduation from the university, she couldn’t sacrifice a little time for her relationship, not even weekends.  All Matthew’s complaints about her attitude seemed to fall on deaf years.

    Don’t think she was taking Matt for granted because she was seeing someone else. I can tell you for sure that she wasn’t seeing anyone and that indeed she genuinely felt something for Matt and was looking forward to becoming a bride, but her uncontrollable quest for comfort and laid- back attitude didn’t let that come to fruition. Joke always extended financial assistance to Matt, but he wasn’t that sort of man. He was a proud man who didn’t believe in living off a lady. He knew he could give Joke the kind of life that she wanted, so all he wanted from her was to give him attention. He was contended with a low-paying job and even would go out of his way to buy her some luxury items. So after close to two years of their relationship,, he decided to move on. But to my chagrin, Joke almost went mad because of the break-up. “So you really love Matt”, I asked her and she echoed, of course. “I’ve never loved any other guy the way I love him.” “ Yet you take him for granted, not giving him attention that he deserves? Living him to do the loving alone?” She kept looking at me. She further  said, “But I always reassured him verbally of my love for him just so that he’s not in doubt about it. So why is he doing this now?”

    My sister, love is not just enough. You need more than love to sustain a relationship. Ask our parents that have been married for years, they will tell you. Relationship is a lot of work. You have to work on improving your relationship, line of communication and  fire of love.

    So I advise all singles to work on themselves. If you think you’ve found the right person, then don’t take him for granted because we are meant to love and be loved in return. That is the only way a relationship can stand the text of time.

    Some sisters have terrible attitude that is a put- off for prospective spouses. Yeah, like Joke who so wanted to have a serious relationship. She got one, yet she is on the verge of blowing her chance with Matt just because she wouldn’t step out of her comfort zone to spend time with the one man who can’t leave without her. Matt and I have discussed their issue and I have begged him not to walk out on my friend because I know how she so loves him and wants to get married and start a family, but what I couldn’t assure him was if Joke will ever turn a new leave. Dear readers, do you think Matt should reconsider his stance or should he just move on. Just like my friend, Matt can’t wait to start his own family and has found someone (Joke) who he loves so much. The only snag in the relationship is her attitude. Do you think he will not regret his decision to marry Joke? Right now, he’s kept her incommunicado, just to teach her some lesson, but intends to go back to her so they can settle down, but what kind of future lies ahead of them, if she doesn’t eventually turn a new leave. Matthew wants to know if he should move on or wait to see if Joke will learn anything with the step he has taken already to call off the relationship, even though he intends to get back with her.

    Away from Joke now, what is that attitude that you have that is not helping you to settle down when we ought to. You need to make a conscious effort to dump them. You need to deliberately strive towards being a better person.

    Talking about attitude, for some people, their own attitude that’s not making them settle is their aura. The aura around some ladies can be a put-off to their would-be sister-in-law and brother-in-law. Please, let’s learn to put our best foot out. Don’t try to break family bonds.

    Love is never enough. Get a good attitude that fosters relationship. Some have lost potential husbands because of their attitude of not trying to improve their own life, but hoping that the man will do everything for them. A woman is a not a liability. If a man needs a liability, then he can get a luxury car and maintain it. Even that car has brand equity on its owner because he will be perceived as a successful man, especially in the kind of society we are in.  Strive to  build yourself, so that your partner can be proud of you. I am not saying a guy shouldn’t care for the lady he says he loves. Of course, he should, but don’t become lazy. Aspire to leave a meaningful life.

    I can go on and on and talk about attitude that are not helpful to sustaining a relationship. But let me stop here so that we do not lose focus of the main subject of today topic. Matthew who is at the  cross-roads and needs meaningful contributions that can help him to make a decision that he will not regret in future. Please, endeavour to send a text. Matters of the heart are a very serious issue and require constructive advice that will foster a good marriage. The reason why there are tons and tons of divorce cases today is because of the problem of choice. A lot of people make the wrong decision when picking a spouse. Having a good relationship begins with picking the right person.

  • The million naira husband (2)

    Give this to Lara when she returns from the bank. We are running out of these drugs,” my sister said when one evening at the pharmacy, handing me a piece of paper. Lara was the business manager cum account executive of the store who handled most of the purchases of items. I scanned the list, noting with the little knowledge of medicines I had acquired since my time at the pharmacy that a lot of the drugs were for cold, cartarrh and other respiratory conditions. Not surprising considering the weather. It rained nearly everyday and that evening, it had been pouring heavily when I arrived at the store. I put the piece of paper in my bag to give Lara later.

    “Good evening. Please I need a good cough syrup for a young boy. Can you recommend one for me?” said a customer a short while latter. My sister who usually made recommendations was at the little cubicle that served as her office at the back of the store. I went and gave her the order and shortly after, I came back with a small bottle of cough syrup from a reputable drug company.

    “He needs to take it with another drug which we don’t have in stock at the moment. Check back this time tomorrow and it will be available,” I told the man as I wrote out his bill for payment at the cashier.

    “Ok. Thanks. Will stop by on my way from work tomorrow,” the man said before leaving.Some days later, on a Saturday morning, I was at the store when the same man came in with a little boy of about five in tow. The boy immediately headed towards the fridges by the entrance that were stocked full with cold beverages.

    “I want a black berry juice,” he stated, pointing towards a chilled canned drink.

    “No, Benjy. It’s too cold,” the man said. Turning to me, he added: “He just recovered from the bad cold and cough he had recently and the first thing he wants is a cold drink!”

    I smiled down at the boy and offered him some toffees.

    “Thank you, Aunty!” he stated, popping one into his mouth.

    “Your son is so cute and polite too,” I said, patting him on the head.

    The man smiled.

    “Don’t be fooled by his angelic looks. He can be quite a handful!”

    He made his purchases and before leaving, he stood chatting for a while. I found out his name was Syl and the little boy whom I assumed was his son was actually his nephew.

    After that day, he became a regular customer at the pharmacy which also had a section for general goods like cosmetics, food, wines and other products. With time, I got to know more about him. An accountant, he had worked for one of the new generation banks for some years before the consolidation exercise a few years ago, that saw a lot of the banks going under. His bank had been among the unlucky ones and he had consequently lost his job.

    After seeking employment for sometime without success, he had decided to go solo, strike out on his own.

    “I set up an accounting firm which I run with a former colleague of mine at the bank. It was tough at the beginning but it’s getting better now as our client base has improved,” he had told me. By this time, we had become quite friendly and would often chat on phone. I could see he liked me but at that stage, I just saw him as a friend and a customer.

    Then about two months later, he asked me out. It was a house warming party of partner’s elder brother and he needed ‘a date for the evening’ as he put it.

    “What about your girlfriend?” I asked.

    “Don’t have one,” he stated.

    I wondered why a young and handsome guy like him would be without a girlfriend and he said:

    “It’s a personal choice.” It seemed he had had a nasty experience with the last lady he dated and he had decided to stay single till now.

    “Meeting you has made me realize that not all women are bitches,” he stated bluntly.

    Before accepting to go on the outing with him, I discussed it with my big Sister, Barbie.

    She had seen him in the store a couple of times though I had not introduced them. Her only condition for accepting the offer was to formally meet him.

    “I need to know the young man that is taking my baby sister out,” she stated firmly. So, a few days later, when Syl stopped by at the store, I took him to my sister’s little office and did the introductions.

    “A pleasure meeting you. Your sister has told me so much about you,” were his first words to her.

    Big Sis smiled and replied:

    “Good things, I hope.”

    “Yes. But she didn’t tell me how beautiful you are. I thought she was pretty but you are simply stunning. I wish I had met you before her…” he said, eyeing my sister who was dressed in a doctor’s white coat.

    “And what would have happened then?” my sister said a little coquettishly.

    He shrugged.

    “Anything!” he said.

    I turned and hit him playfully on the arm.

    “Syl!” I exclaimed and both of them laughed.

    I could tell that my sister liked and approved of him and that made me warm up to him more.

     

    An ancient tradition

    After that first date, Syl and I began to see each other regularly. He was fun to be with and quite caring too. With time, I met other members of his family such as Benjy’s mother who lived with him in his apartment. She was separated from her husband, a violent man who used to beat her a lot especially after drinking, Syl had told me.

    “It’s better she stays here where she’s safe than be beaten to death by that beast of a husband,” he had said when he was telling me the story of his younger sister’s unhappy marriage.

    His sister, Peggy and I were about the same age and after the initial coolness between us the first day we met, we began to get along with each other.

    Syl and I had been dating for some months when my Mum wondered when I was going to bring the ‘young man who had been taking up all my spare time’ home.

    I sighed at her words. I had not told my parents about Syl so it could only be one person who had done so: big Sis!

    “Yes,I did. And what’s wrong with that? It’s time they met him,” she pointed out.

    “Ah, Sister. You know how our parents are. The moment they see him and like him, they will start planning our wedding! I’m not ready for all that stress yet,” I stated.

    “Why not? I know you like him a lot, I can even say you are in love from the look on your face whenever he comes looking for you,” she pointed out. I could not deny that. I always felt this warm glow within me whenever I was with Syl; it was a long time I had had that feeling for any man. I felt secure with him and wanted him to be by my side always, to never leave me.

    “But he has not proposed,” I said.

    “Don’t worry about that. From the way he looks at you, I see a proposal coming soon,”she said assuringly.

    It was nearly six months later that her words came to pass. Syl proposed to me one evening after we had gone out to see some friends of his. If I had known what would come after, I would never have accepted to marry him. For things began to happen to us that I never envisaged even in my wildest dream.

    While my Dad liked Syl and was in support of the engagement, my Mum preferred I got married to one of her friend’s sons, a silver spoon kid with ‘more money than sense’ as my big Sis used to refer to him.

    “What matters is not the young man’s pocket, it’s his character we should consider. Syl seems a decent and hardworking man who will take care of our daughter. Afterall, when I married you all those years ago, we had nothing and were living in two rooms in a ‘face-me-I face you’ type building! But here we are today! Nobody knows what the future holds for him,” my Dad had argued when my mother raised objections to Syl because he was not rich like us.

    After that, we began making plans for our future. Things went smoothly until one weekend when some relatives of ours came from the village and told my Dad about an old tradition of our family, a tradition that threatened our well laid out plans…

     

    To be continued

    What is this ancient family tradition that may affect Emily’s marriage plans? Join us next Saturday for the sizzling details!

     

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