Category: Feminique

You know the saying, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Well, what if the beholder is completely blind? You might be seeing something beautiful, while everyone else sees a disaster. Are you looking through the lens of blind love?

Everybody thinks that love is a precious thing that enriches the world, which could be true, but there are different ways to love and when we do it blindly, the are consequences.

This result has been arrived at through scientific study.

To love means to have someone on your mind throughout the day . You feel worry, stress, longing and hope. Sometimes, all at once.

However, if love and passion are one and the same, following your heart may very well mean losing your mind. People who love so passionately have emotions that run both hot and cold. It is true, that, there is a line to be drawn between love and passion, but most of us don’t see the difference. How can you have one without the other?  Together, love and passion rule our lives. You can find both in music, in art, in technology, in fashion and in food.

When you are in love, you start living for another person who means the world to you. You put his or her interests and prioritize this person before all else. This mentality, this new way of life, changes you. Love doesn’t end with finding that something or someone, that is when your journey begins.

Everything that follows, all the work you put in , all the focus and energy, all the tears that you will inevitably shed, will make you the person you are meant to become.  I have severally seen cases where love can make you act like a robot. You become clueless. You might even become a “beck and call” individual all because one has falling for that special person. Not a bad thing. It just becomes criminally wrong when you begin to act out of the ordinary.  You place a call every three minutes. You cannot function well except you hear from your love interest. You smile when they smile. You annoyingly ‘ vex’ when they are’ vexing’  When you are on the phone with them, everything else goes into oblivion.

You threaten suicide when they so much as hint a separation. You are easily devastated when there is a red alert. You are going to be alone with your thoughts most of the time. Those thoughts are what will both lift you and throw you into the mud.

I once had a male colleague that not only washes his woman’s undergarments ( which could be nice sha) but after washing and spreading it to dry, he begins to sniff them. ( whatever that means). You can then begin to imagine what happened to him when she eventually dumped him for a richer man, who married her as his the fifth wife. Sad. He spent months in the hospital trying to figure out what he did wrong. As I write this piece, he is yet to handle a stable relationship because he is trying to find his ex in every woman that comes his way.

A cousin’s wife, of blessed memory, lamented to me her dilemma.

She had three wonderful daughters for him. She was responsible for raising the girls to university level. Single-handedly built their first home and finally, on retirement she gave all her entitlement to my cousin. Who does that! My cousin, thereafter married a younger, second wife in search of a male child.

He threw her sacrificial love for him right through the window. Today, she is dead, leaving behind three very successful graduates, who has sworn never to love stupidly and never to forgive their dad. Today, my cousin’s second wife has given to him a second daughter. Still waiting for the male child abi? Right!

If you really put your heart into the cause, understand that it can break. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to mess things up. You are going to forget things and lose track of time. You will feel that you did everything right but failed anyway. Love sometimes hurt. You can put your soul , blood and sweat into making things right and you can be devastated when they don’t come together. Looking at the brighter side, it can also make you stronger. Stronger for the next time you push with everything you have got. You may fail again but success will happen as long as you persist. Out of all the confusion that comes from losing your mind, you emerge from the process a better individual. You come out, God willing, of that dark tunnel, wiser , smarter and even more passionate than before.

This journey, I assure you, will be lonesome. Don’t expect much support. Some might even ridicule you, thinking you were simply stupid to have fallen so hard. Friends and families could be there, but not always, and ultimately, you will have to make yourself fine again. Happy loving, just don’t lose it.

Keri Hilson Sings;

Not again

Oh, this ain’t supposed to happen to me.

Keep rocking and keep knocking.

Whether you louboutin it up or Reebokin

You see the hate that they serving on a platter

So, what we gonna have, dessert or disaster?

I never thought I’d be in love like this

When I look at you my mind goes on a trip

Then you came and knocked me on my face. Feels like I’m in a race but I’ve already won first place

I never thought I’d fall for you as hard as I did

You got me thinking bout our life , a house and kids, yeah

Every morning I look at you and smile

Cause boy, you came around and you knocked me down, knocked me down

Sometimes love comes around and knocks you down

Just get back up when it knocks you down,

Knocks you,

Greetings people! Hope our week was fruitful?

Mine was quite interesting. Today, we are looking at our forefathers’ ways of proposing to their spouses back then and how the present generation is handling theirs. Which is better? Who is happier? Our daddies and grand daddies, or our present ‘yuppy’ daddies? Are there things we ought to emulate from them? Have we refined or overrefined their ways of doing things? Were they more romantic?

The topic came about at a recent group discussion during a retreat. A woman came up to tell how romantic her husband is. She recalled  how he proposed in a grand style.

“Steve is one person that knows how to catch his fun. He is a meticulous person to the core. So I knew we would be happy together. The most connecting aspect of our union is that I’m a romantic person as well”

He proposed to her on one bended knee. He applied all the works, figuratively speaking. There were flowers, candlelight dinner, including wine et al. “In spite of all the drama” , said another member of the group , a male,  “I am of the opinion that our forefathers were better in everything. All we are practising now in the name of ‘proposal’ is nothing but a borrowed culture. I have been happily married for a decade and a half and I believe my wife and I are very happy.

“My wife got pregnant with our first child during courtship. We both decided to make our union legitimate and got married. Why should I propose? We are both consenting adults. How many times did our forefathers propose. As a matter of fact, their marriages back then lasted till death did them part.

“No formal proposals on bended knees, no flowers, plastic or real, they had none of that. Yet they were happy. They had very healthy marriages. Conflicts were minimal because no one was claiming equality. I encourage this present generation should be more original, please. ”

Another speaker made his own contribution, ” I will liken my marriage to that of our forefathers. Our fathers were happier because their marriages were arranged. Their love was genuine. For me , it should not be about the proposal alone. There’s more. It is the aftermath that should matter not the paparazzi part.

“Back then, our mothers knew their place, while the men were fully in charge. Food and shelter were all provided by the man. Husbands were revered whether he had one wife or more . There was order. There was little or no need to propose. If a man fancied a girl, he would tell his parents, and they would do the necessary investigation and follow-up.

The necessary bills were picked and a home was happily formed . I am proud to state hear that my marriage was an arranged one and we are both happy.

To further buttress his points, he continued:  “I pity what we have now. What we have now is social media attention seekers. Followed by loud weddings and oftentimes broken homes.”

He cited the instance of a man on  the social media who took the standard of proposals to an entirely new level. “A man proposed to his girlfriend with a pink car and lots of pink balloons. I condemn it and feel it is nothing, but a gimmick to show off his creative nature by improvising and making his own proposal a unique one . Our forefathers were happier. They were thought morals and values .  Money was not a priority for them. ”

It was Williams Shakespeare who said in one of his classic works, Macbeth, that life is a stage where people play their part and make their exit. Our forefathers came on stage, played their part very well and made their glorious exit.  My take is that our forefathers left a remarkable print on the sands of time . We are expected to build and improve on what they taught us. Marriage proposals should be peculiar to couples.

What works for one might not work for the other.

Take for instance what happened recently at a shopping mall. A lady decided to bite the proverbial bullet and propose to her boyfriend. She went further to go down on a bended knee, but to everyone’s shock the guy turned her down! Go figure. Trust Naija! Instead of showing some form of sympathy, almost everyone around started videotaping the embarrassing moment.

Another incident happened right in the middle of the Allen Junction. Luckily, it ended well. My favourite, however, is the Davido’s  Porsche proposal or was it toasting. Who wouldn’t say yes to that. Buy me Porsche anytime, my answer will be  Yes!   Kidding, I think, but seriously let us slow it down; propose according to how we really feel. Not by the sweetness of the melody ‘Joromi Joromi’.

About who does it better?

Your guess is as good as mine, but I would love to hear from you.

This one goes out to all my women, my strong women

So amazing how this world was made, I wonder if God is a woman

The gift of life astounds me to this day, I give it up for the women.

She’s the constant wind that fills my sail…oh, that woman

With her smile and her style, she will protect like a child… That’s a woman

 

She will put a smile upon your face, and take you to a higher place,

So don’t you underestimate

The strength of a woman

The strength of a woman

 

Woke up this morning, I got up with the scent of a woman

Just picture, if you would what life would be

Ain’t much good without a woman

She can nag and be a constant pain oh, that woman

But that hips, she’s got me whipped

And it’s just too hard to resist …

 

Above is the lyrics of a song by Shaggy, highlighting the power of a woman. Women, naturally, are believed to be more magnetic than men. Men draw much of their confidence and attraction from women. It is through the woman’s influence that the man becomes refined and interesting.

Many abrasive and carefree men have been refined shortly after meeting women of their interest or choice. A woman’s charisma, conviction and mental inspiration have been the invincible forces behind some men’s advancement.

In fact, nearly all our great men often attribute much of their successes in life to the influence of their wives. Their help or support is not only in the physical but also in the mental and the spiritual. The mental image of the husband crystalises into a reality through promotion at work or big breakthrough in business.

A woman of strong magnetism can accomplish wonders with a man in a short time. Sequel to the above facts, we sought to know how women have been able to influence their men, environment and homes.

Mrs Edith Bassey

A woman should seek to preserve her individuality, develop and improve herself. Many women sometimes miss it. After marriage, they change into tools on their husbands’ will. Thus, they become monotonous and tiresome to the husband whom they seek to please.

Submission does not mean stupidity; it simply means respect for the other person’s feelings. As a woman, you can exhibit your God-given talent to influence your home positively thereby winning the respect and accolades of your husband and kids.

Mrs Bolaji King

The strength and influence a woman has on her home, environment and society at large cannot be overemphasised. I will give the instance of a neighbour of mine. He lost his wife of many years. It was a horrible experience for him as expected. The man was not able to find a reason for living. He became a complete wreck afterwards, totally ignored his outward appearance and everything that hitherto mattered to him. It was that day that the reality of the importance of a woman in a home dawned on me. Women have the kind of impact that cannot be easily erased or substituted by a man.

Mrs Chidera Obinwa

A woman determines at the final stage what happens in her home. Take my home for instance. When I got married to my husband, with the little I knew about him, it happened that he liked to have his way on all issues. However, things changed for the better when I came into his life.

It was not like I was controlling him or anything like that. It was just that I knew better when it came to making certain decisions that concern our home, especially when it comes to redecoration of the house. In fact, these days, I determine what type of food he eats, and so on. Also, during our courtship years, his house was a huge mess. Thanks to God, today, it is no longer a house but a home.

I also discovered the inner strength a woman has when it comes to determining the mood in the house. I subconsciously observed that when I’m happy, everyone is happy, and when I encounter an ugly day at work, your guess is as good as mine.

Men sometimes find it difficult to admit, but the truth is that the woman runs the home, regardless of the man’s financial input. Even in the running of the society at large, when a woman does her thing, it becomes better than the man left it.

Mrs Joyce Suleiman

The woman is a special gender. A woman that sets her heart on achieving a particular goal can do that, irrespective of the odds.

Women, these days, are excelling in all spheres of life, in all sectors of the economy. We have risen in our political ambitions. We are practically everywhere. Even the seemingly “boys club” women are fast joining. Talk about sports (wrestling, football, boxing, tennis), women are there live!

Even in our homes today, we can still feel the edge over our male counterparts. For instance, whose relatives visit more? Whose relatives and friends are freer when they visit? When a woman is delivered of her baby, whose mother visits first? We all need to get this straight, respect it and the world would be a better place.

Mrs Ovuokpoye

To say women are powerful would be an understatement. Women are very powerful. When I got married, it was initially rosy until three years into our marriage when it became a cat and mouse thing. It went from one degree of misunderstanding to another, and you know men, they feel they can live without us.

Each time we had a disagreement, my husband will tell me to pack…all I heard consistently for six months from my husband was “pack your things”, “leave my house”, “I will throw you back to the slum where I picked you from!”

Anyway, a day came and I decided to leave his house for him and temporarily moved in with a friend of mine. Come and see the chaos that followed my departure. I was told by those that saw him how he went pleading with my parents, promising to turn a new leaf. He went further to tell a friend of mine how all he said and threatened were jokes.

To cut the very long story short, because I made sure he suffered a little before going back, we are back together again and he is now a born again husband. I need to mention that he does not threaten me again, at least for now.

 Mrs Memeh Nkechi

My husband works in one of the top airlines today, thanks to me. No, no, I didn’t do anything fetish or sleep with anyone. The bottom line is that I got him the job. He had applied to the same organisation for years but nothing happened until, to the glory of God Almighty, I intervened.

All I did was to accost the chairman, shed a few tears, ok, plenty tears, blew my nose ceaselessly and the job became his, just like that. In fact, now, he treats me like a queen. Really, there’s no big deal, all I have simply done is exhibit the strength of a woman.