Category: Hearts

There are so many questions playing in my mind since this past Tuesday when I was rudely informed that armed men came visiting at my house.

As a rule, I must empty the bin in the kitchen before going to bed every night. I like waking up to the fresh fragrance from my air freshener, and I know how bins left overnight could negate this. So once I was sure there was nothing to bin anymore that Tuesday night, I took the bin downstairs to dump in the waste bin outside the house. I was going back into the house when a neighbor stopped me from going back inside. She announced that the gateman was at his security post tied hands and legs. “He told me that some armed men came inside and tied him”, she said.

How did he tell her that, since he was tied, I asked. She said she wanted to tell him something at the security gate when she saw he was tied. She didn’t wait to listen to more, and of course she didn’t wait to untie him before she bolted outside. Apparently, she was hiding under a tree outside the house when she saw me coming out and decided to inform me. We alerted some neighbors and the security man was untied after which we made sure that there were no unwanted visitors in the house.  Nabo, the security man said about ten armed men came visiting, bur he said he didn’t know what they did next after tying him with ropes in his room. He said they took his phone before leaving him.

The questions I’m still not able to find answers to are: could tem armed men just come into a house and not as much as announce their presence anyhow if they meant business? How come nobody saw them apart from Nabo? Agreed, our doors are these Israel bullet-proof doors, but our windows are glass, if they actually wanted to operate, couldn’t they have knocked on the windows to get our attention?

I don’t know why I’m having strange feelings that Nabo is working on something. He might have made up the story  for a future reason, and somebody (an accomplice of his) helped tie him. But we have reached a stage in Nigeria where fear has taken over our emotions? I’m so scared of asking Nabo direct questions because he might plan to tie me hands and legs when no one is watching the same way he was tied, that is if he knows what we all don’t know. Please, join me in praying for our safety and security in my house. We need it.

Good day ma thanks for solving others people’s problems which I am one of them. I’m a woman from Ondo State with 3 kids of 12, 9 and 6 years respectively. Just this year my husband had a child with another woman without my knowledge. This has caused problems between us. Now my husband said he wants to do traditional engagement with me when my family called him, but I said I want ‘REGISTRY MARRIAGE’. My husband said no, but he said he loves me that his late father had warned him against Registry EGISTRY, but his brother married through registry. I’ve said I am not interested in the marriage again because of problems presently in the marriage, please ma what do I do now?

Dear Madam, if your husband is proposing customary marriage, then go for it. Customary marriage as far as Africa is concerned is valid, and in my own opinion, it is better to be married in the presence of your family and your bride price paid than nothing.

Do not try to fight for a registry marriage when he has made up his mind on what he wants. He’s different from his brother and you must respect that. You have lived with this man for years without as much as a ring, now even after straying and having a child from another woman, he still finds it worthy to take you as a new bride, please dump pride and accept.

Let me tell you something; registry marriage or not, this is Nigeria where men sleep with their girlfriends with their wedding rings firmly on. Okay, some men may remove it before the action, but does that remove the fact that they sleep with other women? Registry marriage does not make the man faithful. In your own case, he already has a child from another woman anyway. He alone knows if he wants the mother of his new child for keeps or if it will stop with just this child. If he has made up his mind that this woman will continue to have kids for him, going to the registry with you won’t stop it. You’re thinking of getting married under the Acts so you can sue him if he goes ahead to have another wife or other children? Forget it! Even the solicitor you get for your case and the judge to hear the case may be die-hard polygamists if they are men. If they are women, they are probably married to men who have other wives.

Settle down in your marriage and be good to the man. Most men will eat out of your palms if you make them feel like kings. If you give him respect, honour, sex at the right time and laughter around the house, he is likely to stay glued to you and wonder what took him to another woman in the first place. Love this new baby as your own and win your husband’s respect. I wish you well.

A housewife,Adenike Nasirudeen has filed a divorce suit at the Grade ‘A’ Customary Court, Lagos State , asking for dissolution of her six -year-old marriage to her husband, Fatai Nasirudeen.

In the suit, she alleged that her husband had been mistreating her for sometime now and that he was too temperamental.

The respondent in his explanation said: ”She is a flirt. She has been flirting around with an okada rider( commercial motorcyclist).She always keep late nights and she did not give me peace of mind.

“Though, l reported the matter to her parents hoping that she would turn a new leaf, but she does not show any sign of remorse”.

Earlier in her submission, Adenike informed that her husband is highly temperamental, and beats her at any slightest provocation.

“There was a day he accused me of stealing N75,000 from his wardrobe, he capitalised on the accusation, and stopped giving me feeding allowance”.

Adenike, however denied having  any no amorous relationship with any okada rider because he is well known to her husband and had once taken her and Nasirudeen to their office.

“Shortly after l packed out of his house, he came to apologise, hoping that he had had a change of mind, but unknown to me that he was there on a mission to kill the only child that binds us together”.

She added that her husband had made attempts to strangle their daughter to death, and in the process, to get the child for him he punches her in the stomach.

She therefore urged the court to dissolve the marriage and grant her custody of the child.

The court president, Mr. Emmaunel Shokunle has adjourned the case till October 9, 2012 for further hearing.

What can I do to win my husband’s love? –B

Maybe you have been married for a few years, and you are beginning to notice an unsettling trend. Slowly but surely, your husband seems to be drifting away from you. He no longer seems interested in giving you as much attention as he used to do. Previously, he would rush back to spend time with you as soon as he closed from work. However, nowadays he has other matters to attend to on more occasions than you would like.

When you start to see signs that indicate your husband is not in love with you any more, you will be hurt deeply. However, simply fretting over the issue as things progressively get out of hand will just make a divorce even more inevitable. You have to take definite steps to help get husband to “love me” again.

The good news is that there are actually a number of measures that you can take to influence your husband to renew his love for you. Here are two important tips by Teecee Go for you to take into consideration.

Tip 1 – Be the woman he used to desire:

We live in a dynamic society where we also change with time. Although you may not realize it, there are chances that you have changed. Try to think of the kind of woman you used to be when he craved for your hand in marriage.

This does not mean that every change is necessarily bad. There are some positive changes that will make you a better person. However, try to figure the ways in which you may have changed that are less positive.

For instance, you probably used to have a vibrant life with your own goals. Has your life sort of come to a standstill? When you come to think of it, you may realize that you have become more resentful almost imperceptibly. In the process, you may have started neglecting your husband in some little ways.

Tip 2 – Set some time apart just for the two of you

The busy lives that people usually live nowadays may easily leave you with hardly any quality time together. While it is true that you have to take care of the family in addition to other responsibilities, you should not do it at the expense of your relationship. Take time to rekindle the dying romance. If you are thinking that you are too old for romance, then you are wrong.

Make arrangements for you to have at least one evening every week when you dedicate your time to each other. This will help you to become soul mates once more, instead of just being people who share a room.

Dear Aunty Adeola, I don’t know if I can confide in you to help me. My name is Innocent, and a boy of 20. I live with my parents. I completed my secondary education in 2009 with the hope of gaining admission into the university but unfortunately I didn’t pass my WAEC examination and the NECO was seized so I hoped to re-sit these exams but my trouble is that my dad hates me and refuses to take responsibility for me. He thinks I am a failure, but I am not. I felt rejected then I decided to help myself by trying to learn a vocation (plumbing) so I could help fund my education in the future but my dad frustrated those my efforts by telling the man that I wanted to learn the vocation from that I am useless and that I can never be useful, so he should forget about me. I cried bitterly and helplessly but to no avail even my mum couldn’t help me because she is just a petty trader. Please is there a way you can help me.

My dear, I sincerely sympathize with you over your current travails. I can assure you that with time, these problems will go away and you will have a new lease of life. Maybe if you had been more serious with your studies, you would have passed. Failing both WAEC and NECO shows some level of unseriousness on your part and I can understand your dad’s anger especially if he had high hopes of you. Your dad might have dreamt of you becoming the beacon of hope in the family but instead of steadily moving towards his dream, you failed. I pray he finds it easy to accept you back into his heart with love knowing that we all fail at some point in our lives.

Let me ask you this; are you being paid as an apprentice with this plumber? If you honestly want to make money to be able to pick the pieces of your education together again, then being an apprentice without pay won’t work. You might have spent years following this man everywhere before realizing that you have wasted quality time. That is even if jobs come for him regularly enough for you to learn well.

For now, you need a day job that will get you a regular income so you can register at an evening school and enter for the exams you wish to take.  At this stage, I appeal to all Nigerians who have the means to help this boy to come to his rescue and give him a job. He writes good English and I’m sure he can be a good office assistant. His telephone number is: 08137586780. Please call him. God bless you.

I’m a regular reader of your column and I say kudos to you for your good works. Please help with this problem. I have a guy whom I love so much and we are dating but my cousin who is his friend keeps telling me that he’s dating someone else whom I know very well. I trust him and asked him about it and he said it isn’t true. He calls regularly despite the fact that I nag about this same issue. I have threatened to quit our relationship but he begs and I don’t know if he truly loves me or not.

Hi. Have you sat down to consider what your cousin might be gaining for lying against your boyfriend who is his good friend? I doubt if he would have any reason for wanting to cause disunity between two people close to him – his cousin and his friend. If guys don’t see, they don’t talk. So it is up to you to decide now if you want to continue with a polygamous boyfriend or not. One thing is sure, with time, only one person will finally remain between you and this other girl. That is if he ends up marrying any of you.My warning:  Never fight over a guy. Leave if you can’t stay but don’t trade insults.

Ma. I’ve been in love with a girl for over a year without having facial encounter with the girl. I usually help her whenever she needs my help. When I tried to ask her about marriage, she said we need to see face-to-face before going into that. Please tell `me on how to present myself to the girl on our first day of encounter. – Mr. Ben.

  Dear Mr. Ben, were you indeed going to start talking about marriage without seeing the girl? She was right by saying you two must see each other first. Haba! How would you feel if you had started the whole process of marriage on phone and any of you found out that physically the other person was totally different from his/her dream partner?

Yes, get ready to meet her and here are some tips to getting yourself ready: Make an effort to look nice, quality aftershaves, colognes and perfumes only please and do not over do things, give some thought to what you are going to talk about and what things you would like to avoid. For security reasons, tell a good friend where you are going and carry a cell phone.  Ensure your shoes are sparkling and that your belt, watch and wallet are nice. As you have been giving her money before now, do not try to give her more money, but you may take a gift like a scarf along. Good luck.

My girlfriend started bleeding right from the day she took tablet after sex and she is still bleeding for the past four weeks after medical treatment. Please help me.

 Dear brother, I must start by saying that I’m not a medical doctor. I also seek guidance from medical practitioners like the rest of us do. Let me however attempt to answer your question here while urging you to go back to the hospital for a complete evaluation of your girlfriend’s problem.

First of all, who prescribed the contraceptive she used? It is dangerous to assume that what works for Miss A might work for Miss B. Buying such seemingly harmless but delicate medication such as contraceptives needs proper prescription. Once you think you’re old enough for sex and are wise enough to consider taking contraceptives, you must visit the family planning clinic next to you. It costs much less than taking risks. You will find out that you are not the only one on your visit. Many people who want to play safe seek medical help first. You will also find out that not all kinds of birth control pills are appropriate for everyone. Your health care provider will ask about your medical history and any medications you take to determine which birth control pill is right for you. Your health care provider may discourage use of combination birth control pills if you are older than age 35, have poorly controlled high blood pressure, have a history of or current deep vein thrombosis or pulmonary embolism and other things would be put into consideration before you are given the right pills for you. You should know that her unusual bleeding could be caused by something serious especially if she has symptoms like abdominal pain or dizziness, especially since the bleeding has lasted more than a few days. Take her to see a doctor immediately. I wish you well.

There was a mild drama at the Grade ‘A’ Customary Court, Agege, Lagos when a distraught respondent in a divorce suit opened up on how he had been washing his wife’s underwears in order to make her happy.

In a suit filed by Mrs. Adesuwa Oluwadamilare asking for the dissolution of their twelve years marriage to Mr.Ibukun Oluwaddamilare, she alleged that her husband had subjected her to humiliation and constant beating for no just reason.

she explained that the marriage had broken down irretrievably adding that her husband has refused to properly seek her hand in marriage.

She also added that he is a threat to her life and that he beats her a lot. “I wanted him to go and seek my hand in marriage but he always deceives me that he will do it soon”.

The respondent, however said he was not ready to leave his wife despite their differences.

“ I don’t want to leave her but all I am asking for is another child from her. I wash her pants day by day but my dear wife has refused to show any sign of concern, instead she keeps late nights and goes out anytime she likes”.

“Whenever she goes out to meet with a man she comes home wet and her pant stained and I would summon our children to come and see what she has done. “

The petitioner however dsimissed the allegations as baseless saying. “ I am not a flirt and he has never washed my underwears. He is a complete lazy man. He tagged me as a prostitute in public and also said that my legs are shaking because of flirting around; he is a woman beater and drinks a lot. The most painful part is the way he goes about telling the children all sorts of dirty things”.

The president of the court, Mr. Emmanuel Shokunle admonishes the feuding couple to involve their parents in amicable resolution of the matter.The case has been adjourned till October 22, 2012  for further hearing.

By Richard

“Should I or should I not?” is a common question among teens. Perhaps you are in a relationship that is progressing in that direction, but you’re not sure what to do. In your mind, you are probably weighing the pros and cons of adolescent sex. On the positive side of the scale, there is immense pleasure to be gained from the act acceptance from your peers, and the fulfillment of sexual desires. The negative side of the scale carries the weights of morals, fear of pregnancy or disease, loss of self-respect and guilt. How do these scales balance? What is the right decision? Let’s take a look at some of the facts.

Sex in itself can be really good for system as it serves many purposes besides reproduction. Indeed, several health publications have listed a number of benefits to be derived from a regular sex regime in our lives, benefits that range from a boost in the body’s immunity to healthier looking skin and, for men, an increase in sperm production. It is a way to express love for someone; it provides a feeling of security and has the effect of calming people in stressful situations. That being said, as with all things good in the hands of a ‘wrong’ user, there are outcomes that are less than desirable.

A knife can be used to cut bread, in the hand of a killer however, it becomes an instrument of death. The argument is thus advanced that while the object (sex, in this case) may not necessarily be on trial; the user (Teenagers) may create outcomes that are far less desirable and harmful to themselves, since their immaturity on matters of sex often lead to ineffective contraceptive and preventive methods (indeed condoms have a technique to their use and can pull out during intercourse, if put on wrongly).

Physically speaking, teenage sex poses more of a risk to the female gender than it does to the male. Whereas adolescent boys may have regular sex without any physical side effects, researches conducted in the U.K. has shown that girls who engage in sex before the age of 25 risk of developing cervical cancer as a result.

Social Pressures: Most often when boys and girls begin to date, the pressure to engage in sex early in the relationship usually comes from the boys as their social concept of virginity differs considerably from that of their female counterparts.

Research has found that, depending upon gender, adolescents generally think of their loss of virginity in one of the following ways: as a gift, as a stigma and as a normal step in development. While girls generally think of virginity as a gift, boys think of virginity as a stigma (that is to say they often seek to cover up the fact that they are virgins). In studies, girls said that they viewed giving someone their virginity like giving them a very special gift. As a result they often expected something in return such as increased emotional intimacy with their partners. However, after the act they are often disappointed because they do not feel as though they actually received what they expected in return and this makes them feel like they were used. It is a feeling of giving something important up and afterwards feeling like this action was not recognized. Thinking of losing virginity as part of a social developmental process therefore results in power imbalances in the genders, with girls often left confused as to whether their refusal to engage makes them seem immature. Many young girls understandably feel conflicted by what society is telling them to do; on the one hand they are told to maintain a good reputation by abstaining, while being told on the other hand that in order to maintain a romantic relationship they must behave in ‘adult ways’ (which of course includes having sex with their man). Teenagers, more importantly girls, need to understand that it is their lot to wait patiently for the right age (which is 25, scientifically speaking)  before partaking of this wonderful fruit called sex; indeed most religions go even further to advocate total abstinence until marriage (even if marriage has to wait till age 40). The morality issue is however a matter of personal conviction and beyond the scope of this article. Suffice it to say however that the health implications (both psychological and physical) should be motivation enough to wait, if not till marriage then at least till the right age.