Category: Life and Style

  • Victor Eburajolo: I try to lead  by example

    Victor Eburajolo: I try to lead by example

    Mr. Victor Eburajolo is the Group Deputy Managing Director, Kewalram-Chanrai Group, one of the few Nigerians occupying high-ranking position in the over 110 years old conglomerate with interests in automobile, pharmaceuticals, agribusiness and agro-allied sectors, to mention just a few. In this interview with IBRAHIM APEKHADE YUSUF, the Warri-born lawyer and human resources expert who landed his first job in 1976 takes us through his career trajectory thus far. Excerpts:

    When does your typical day begin?

    The first thing is that you have to go by example. Get to the office on time and you’re consistent. One thing we have done here is that if you’re not going to be in the office because you have outside meeting, we have this dashboard where you send all your messages and everybody knows where you’re. I personally believe that to be a good leader, you must lead by example. If you come late to work and you display indiscipline attitude others will follow you. For me, it’s an attitude. Your attitude can keep you or get you out of the office. I have been like this since 1976 when I landed my first job so it’s part of me. Apart from that, you must also be seen to be transparent. Everybody should know that your word is your bond. You don’t say something and you do something otherwise. I also want to emphasis that one of the policies here is that we respect government officials because when you respect them, you respect your country. You might not like what they’re doing but you got to give them that respect as your representative. We follow that here very strictly. Here discipline is the main thing. I have always told people that in my country Nigeria, our problem is not corruption. Our problem is indiscipline. If you’re discipline you’ll go into corruption. That is the truth. If you’re discipline, you’ll obey the law. It was said in this country that you cannot drive and be using your phone. I had to stop a policeman one day. He was driving and was on phone, so I told my driver to cross his way and I walked up to him and said, ‘What do you think you’re doing driving and using your phone at the same time? How can you arrest someone tomorrow using the phone and driving when you’re showing a good example yourself?’ It’s only in this country where somebody has uses his authority unabashedly but fails to uphold the responsibility that comes with such authority.

    What’s your management style?

    As a company, our management style is people first because we believe the employee who is happy will give his or her best. But people make the mistake to think that once you pay the employee very well, you’ll get the best from him. Let me tell you, whatever you pay the employee, he still believes that he is been shortchanged and the employer believes he is paying too much. So we must strike a balance. When you respect your employees, he in turn respects you and the organisation. I’ll not raise my voice up on any member of staff. Even those that work directly with me, they know me. If I want to correct anything they have done, say for instance, a memo, I’ll say to them, ‘may I suggest so and so…? I think it’ll be fine I we do it that way.’ Many times, I discover that they go and keep a copy of that letter and compare notes with it for other times. But if I shout on them, they’ll walk out. One thing we had to stop here was when suddenly, we just heard workers calling their managers ‘bosses.’ You hear expressions like, ‘Good morning boss!’ and I took it up and said, ‘What is all this boss thing? This is actually nonsense!’ I told them we can’t harbour such mentality here because at Kewalram, we operate like a family but we’re very stern. So you got to treat everybody you’re working with as family. We let everyone know the rules.

    What’s your management philosophy?

    My management philosophy is to do the best you can for your organisation at all times. Some people may not like what I want to say but what I normally say to people is that the God that created you knows your beginning and end. So whatever your hand find to do, do it well to the best of your knowledge in order to give glory to God because it is only He alone that can reward you. Even if you’re being paid in millions by man, one day he will disappoint you. My son asked me one day and said, ‘you’ve been working all these years, what is your salary? That thing struck me and I didn’t even know what to say to him. But I told him, if you enjoy what you do, you won’t have to work ever in your life.

    How do you motivate your staff?

    In tough times like this, we go out of our way to assist our staff with all forms of palliatives and welfare packages such as rice, ground nut. We support their cooperatives with products at less down 70 per cent of the price just to assist the staff members.

    Do you apply the stick and carrot approach?

    Yes, there’re rules and there is a handbook and everyone has it. So that if you commit an offence, the first time, second, third time, we call you to have a chat with you and explain the implication of recording it down is that it’ll affect you; it’s either you’re on your way out or cost your promotion and something else. Like said, we work like a family. So when anything happens, we want to hear from you and let you know before any action is taken against you. Like I said, at the Kewalram Chanrai Group across the world, they have this concept of family.

    What motivates you?

    Of course, I like what I do and I enjoy doing it and I thank God that one has made some meaningful making impact. And then I have the opportunity to keep myself abreast of business generally. You don’t stop reading because you’re old; you get old once you stop reading.

    What was the last book you read and when?

    The book I’m reading now focuses on the period of former United States president, Bill Clinton. I also read the Harvard Business, a magazine being published by the IoD. These days, it is a lot easier now through electronic means you can receive tonnes of files and documents on different subject-matter.

    How do you unwind?

    I used to play tennis before. You know as you grow old, you’re not as agile as you used to be. I went to play at the play court one day and it affected my kneels. Now, I listen to music and I sleep a lot too. But then, I have a mini gym in my bathroom, where I exercise. Yesterday, I recall my wife telling me this is enough that you have aging; you can’t be doing 60 kilometres on the treadmill all the time.

    You’re turning 73 years in July. For a man of your age still looking boyish, how do you maintain your looks? Do you follow any regimen of sorts?

    I don’t eat that much but I mind what I eat a lot. I have cut off sugar completely now for almost 20years. The thing is once you get to a certain age and you take a particular say for up to three times and it upsets your system, the wisest thing to do is to cut it off.

    You talked about food, do you cook?

    Yeah, I cook on Sundays. My wife is from the north and on Sundays I prepare the native Itsekiri dishes like banga soup and make starch for them. I’m in charge of the kitchen at the weekends really. (laughs)…

    Since you cook, I can only ask you this question, do you do the dishes?

    Oh, yes, I do. In our home everyone does the dishes. My wife just retired from the Nigeria Customs. And my children, the last one is going to 24. We are all grownups. In those days when the kids where around, you could quickly call somebody to go do this and that one but not anymore. My wife, she does the dishes, the kids do theirs too. Sometimes when they come into the kitchen and see me doing the dishes they want to help and most times, I decline.

    But some other persons may think such things are actually beneath them like doing the dishes and all?

    You’re the CEO at your workplace only. As a matter of fact do you know who is the CEO at home? It’s the madam herself. (laughs).

    As an Itsekiri boy growing up, how did your background influenced what you’re today? Can you take us through your career trajectory in the last 45 years?

    I didn’t grow up with my parents; I grew up with my auntie in Sapele.  I was sent there at age 4. The environment then was quite different from what we have today and I’m talking of late 50s. When I finished my primary school, my auntie, told me I should go and be a dock work, which was the job that was common in those days. But I refused. I knew what I wanted in life. I think she was very upset because every other person my age all went to be a dock worker. Then I managed and went to secondary school, that’s Hussey College, in Warri. After that, we had an uncle in Lagos, who could get me into the Customs.

    Again, my auntie said I should go and join the Customs. I told her sorry that I wasn’t going to join the Customs. Again, she was very upset. That time in Sapele there I also remembered that there was a light-skinned young man; they used to call him, ‘Yellow Flash.” He was riding Vesper and so every young boy in Sapele said their ambition was to be like him and be driving a vesper and carrying girls around town.  Unfortunately for me, I had lost my mum at a very tender age but somehow I just knew what I wanted. I remember my auntie when he got so frustrated with me told me, ‘Let me see what you’ll amount to, you this no-do-well.’ I did not talk back, but I told myself in my mind silently that I’ll become something in life.

    Sometime, I’ll stamp my foot on the ground and she (auntie) will say, ‘what are you doing?’ I’ll say nothing. But I was rebelling within myself. (laughs). The day we finished high school, the principal at the time, a reverend, tapped on the window and said, “see me in my office.’ As I was a going, I saw Jackson Gaius Obaseki, who later became the Group Managing Director at the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), outside, and he told him Lanky because that is what we used to call then. He said the man can’t expel us again because we have finished our A-levels. We both went to his office and we gave us a letter. We were looking at ourselves.  Then the principal said, ‘Open the letters or can’t you boys read again? C’mon get out of this place!’ we went out and open the letters and it turned out that we were to resume on Monday as high school teachers. Unlike Jackson and others who gained admission into the university on time, I stayed back in the school for a while because of what I told you.  While they were going to the university, Shell gave me a job. I worked with Shell for 11 years and I saved enough money to send myself to school. In a nutshell, that’s my life story. While at the university, I read law. I was in practice for about nine months then I saw a Daily Times advertisement for a Personnel Manager in 1975. You won’t believe that when they called for that position it was 23 people that came for that job at the Nigerian Textile Mills at the time.

  • When Oscar Ibru stared death in the eye

    When Oscar Ibru stared death in the eye

    By Olushola Ricketts

    All human beings have personal battles they fight daily. While some people come out unscathed, others are consumed by these battles.

    Businessman Oscar Ibru fought a quiet battle recently – a battle with the deadly pandemic, COVID-19, which has ended many lives prematurely in Nigeria and beyond.

    He contracted the virus and had to stay in an isolation centre for more than a month. It was a scary time for the Ibru Family who are yet to fully recover from the loss of his patriarch – business mogul, Michael Ibru, and founder of The Guardian, Alex Ibru.

    Describing his experience in a message sent out to family and well-wishers, Oscar admitted he almost died.

    READ ALSO: Where is Cecilia Ibru?

    He stated: “I almost died. No kidding. COVID-19 is Evil. 7 weeks and 2 days, man! Pneumonia, kidney, liver, collapsed lungs, cough like no other, fever. In short death. Finally unconscious. No breathing whatsoever. Doctors lost hope. I kicked that mother fucker’s ass. But he left some serious collateral damage. Thank God my heart was strong from some of those things we did in the days and at the same time being an athlete in the good old days”.

    “My heart refused to quit. So, here I am, home at last. My brother, the shit was rough and painful as hell. I do not wish for a re-match. I lost over 10 direct friends in my 7 weeks of incarceration. Same hospital. The day I went in, Bolu came out on the way to the mortuary. The day I left (on my 2 feet), Kitty Rhodes left but flat on his back on the way to the morgue. Praise God. I must have done something right or I am about to. All I know is thank you God.”

  • Make it metallic

    Make it metallic

    By Atanda SHERIFF

     

    It is Valentine’s Day tomorrow. There is a lot of excitement in the air. A time traditionally known for outfits in red and white.

    However, you will notice that the trend is shifting for many.  Instead, you find them going for outfits in metallic shades that dazzle. This can be found in the tops,  dresses or trousers and more. Others simply made use of the metallic for their shoes, bags, belts, jackets and other accessories.

    If you are excited by the effect created by the metallic shade, you can join the train and make bold statements your way.

     

    •  Ini-Dima Okojie

    Ini-Dima looks quite appealing in this red and white top and trouser. In the background

    is a signature red designer purse that speaks class. She also displays a brown raffia bag

    with her name boldly written on it.

     

    • Bukola Adeeyo

    Bukola dazzles in this silver shimmering gown. The effect of the studs, metallic shoes and smart outlook make her really exciting to behold.

     

    • Kim Oprah

    Shimmering and stylish. This simple shirt and trouser combination speaks volume .

     

    • Ruky Sanda

    Black is beautiful. This simple black dress makes Ruky a delight.

     

     

    • DJ Cuppy

    Her pink hairdo is the trademark. She also looks cool in this brown top, trouser and jacket.

    • Nkechi Blessing

    Regal. She rocks in this silver and deep peach top and trouser. It certainly sits well on her silver and black high heeled shoes.

    • Shaffy Bello

    Shaffy steps out looking glamorous in this simple top and pant. The unique part of her combination is his flowing Kimono top also in black but with Ankara patches and trimmings.

    • Mo Cheddah

    Cute! That is what comes to mind as you admire the singer in this black tee shirt and sexy brown shorts. Her sandals are magnetic clinging nicely to her beautiful skin in style.

  • Five things to know about celebrity media personnel Biesloaded

    Five things to know about celebrity media personnel Biesloaded

    Adewumi Adeyanju, better known as Biesloaded, is an entertainment celebrity blogger who was awarded the prestigious Digital Media Blogger title in Lagos 2021.

    From dropping out of school and resorting to DJ temporarily, Adewumi has since soared to incredible heights and has become a big name in the Nigerian entertainment industry, blogger, and a digital media expert.

    Here are five essential facts to know about the young Nigerian media master who is making a name for himself in the entertainment space.

    Date of birth:

    Adewumi Adeyanju was born on 17th August 1990.

    Place of birth:

    Adewumi Adeyanju was born in Ilesa, Osun State, in the western Region into the family of Mr. and Mrs. Ayoade Adewumi. He is the last child of the family.

    Education:

    Adewumi Adeyanju started basic education at Funto International Academy and continued at Pre-Varsity School Centre, for his Junior High School education and completed where he completed his secondary high school.

    He continued to the University, whilst there, he co-founded the blog biesloaded.ng with his friend.

    Work:

    Adewumi Adeyanju started his career as a web designer and a DJ before switching to blogging while in level 200 at the University. He then co-founded the blog ‘Biesloaded.ng’, and since then, he has been working with some top-tier artists and producers such as Rexxie, Davido, Naira Marley, Seyi Vybz Asake, Burna Boy, and dancer Poco Lee. Right now he serves as the Social Media Manager for Zanku Records and also acts as their Public Relations Officer.

    Awards & Nominations:

    Adewumi Adeyanju is very active on social media, having a presence across popular messaging platforms. He was nominated for the title of ‘Youth Blogger Of The Year’ and won the ‘Digital Media Influencer Of The Year’ award in 2021.

  • Tonye Pela wave’s beauty’s magic wands

    Tonye Pela wave’s beauty’s magic wands

    Our Reporter

    Starting a day with a glimpse of goodness and beauty did no wrong, as beauty is said to be a culture, one of which is fascinating. Nevertheless, there are various skincare brands of which more good has been done. One of such brand is Pels International Luxury Skincare Products whose mission is aimed at creating the best skin products to aid the enhancement of a woman’s beauty.

    The goal of the brand stands out for being every woman’s go-to plug in terms of struggling with all skin conditions.

    tonye-pela-waves-beautys-magic-wands
    Okiemute Tonye Pela

    The skincare brand is spearheaded by Okiemute Tonye Pela who is seen to be one of Nigeria’s best cosmetologists, a beautician and an admirer of esthetics. He formulated the objectives of which active participation and enthusiasm have brought interest in his skincare products.

    READ ALSO: Inside Tonye Pela’s luxury, skincare empire

    Impressively, Okiemute Tonye Pela holds the magic wands of beauty that had been passed down to him from prehistorian existence. He had sought for a missing beauty essence in Nigeria, of which lies in the vast production of efficient and exquisite skincare products.

    Tonye Pela owns a luxury and lifestyle brand through which he sells and provides high-toned jewellery and precious metals, with top-flight leather merchandise made from the best exotic leather in the world.

    Furthermore, Pels International Luxury Skincare Products brings its clients with foremost ancestry ideas saddled with effective components.

  • Blazers  & pants

    Blazers & pants

    Kehinde OLULEYE

     

    FROM Bolanle Olukanni and Kiki to Cee C, these stylish celebs sure know how to rock a trend. The closet favourite isn’t going anywhere. Whether you are shopping for a classic or something to make a statement, now’s the time to make a move, because blazer based outfits will spice up your look no matter what you are wearing, especially if they are rightly combined.

     

    ceecee
    ceecee

     

  • Lethargy of the elite as an albatross

    Lethargy of the elite as an albatross

    By Nnedinso Ogaziechi

     

    The best of leaderships is often not provided by the most intelligent. The best of leaders in history have been known to be good managers of men and materials.  However, the ability of the people to hold leaders to account is equally a factor in how a nation fares because political philosophers already affirmed that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    So the essence of the three arms of government, the executive, legislature and the judiciary is for powers to be evenly handled in democracies through proper checks and balances. On the other hand, the people themselves must be involved in making sure that they keep the elected people in check  to ensure that the democratic tenets are adhered to for the good of everyone.

    The Roundtable conversation this week wanted to find out how the abdication of responsibility by citizens has successively led to the poor performance of the nation economically and socially. It does seem that the office of the citizen has been vacant as most of those who ought to provide leadership are left to grandstand in their vacuity.

    Chido Nwakanma, a veteran columnist and a journalism lecturer at the School of Media and Communications at the Pan-Atlantic University  believes that the total apathy of the elite seems to be the fire in the flame of bad governance. He feels that all the elite do is sit back and complain without the necessary participation in leadership at their community levels. To him, everyone must not be in government but an active citizenry must hold the leaders to account in ways that they force them to realize that democracy is a government of the people and by the people and for the people.

    Mr. Nwakanma cites the example of Belarus that recently held their presidential election but had the citizens stand out for a month to protest the flawed election in that nation. They decided to protest peacefully until they get what they deserve – an election where the voices of the people are heard through the ballot box. He believes that as a people, Nigerians must reactivate the spirit of community. As the saying goes, charity must start from home. Most citizens are too self-centered to think about their communities. We have to be engaged citizens at every level. How many people are involved in their communities, town unions, estates, resident associations or streets in ways that they are aware of the problems that they themselves can solve and the ones that require the different tiers of government?

    To him, all the people involved in governments have school mates and classmates and townspeople and these are people that if they care at all would be in positions to caution their mates in government if they derail from programs that uplift the people. Most of the elite are too aloof to be productively functional in making sure they keep those in leadership on track.

    The market women for instance are organized but seeing that the elite are complacent, they go to the politicians and are satisfied with the little they are given, the middle class must get involved and that cuts across genders. The middle class seems unwilling to pay any price because when their friends and mates access leadership, they are often surrounded by the no ‘hopers’ who ultimately worship the leaders for crumbs while the elite that can stand up to their mates dissolve into thin air in self-preservation that is always counter-productive.

    The middle class of both genders must be ready to pay the price, sit it out with the leadership, and attend nocturnal meetings knowing you are doing that for a long term result. The men whose wives show capacity to lead must begin to disabuse their minds of the assumed dangers for women in politics because there are many capable and ready to-lead women that we as a country are losing out on their high productivity levels.

    Women must start grassroots politics instead of feeling that higher posts must be reserved for them as women. They must be willing to fight for power. Community involvement is the key, women must not just want to jump out to the peak without the grounds work of community growth politically. It might take time but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a step. The Nigerian middle class must wake up and do the right things and equally recognize that today’s woman has risen above being boxed into the ‘women affairs’ ministries and other parochial roles in a world ruled by ideas and technology.

    A lawyer and former Minister of Women Affairs and Woman leader, Iyom Josephine Anenih believes the leadership challenges the country is experiencing cannot be divorced from the fact that instead of the mutually shared leadership roles  between men and women, men tend to have edged out the women and naturally cannot handle what hitherto were shared leadership roles.

    She recalls that in pristine times, in her community, there were the Nze, Ozo and Isi Akpu titled men that spearheaded the leadership roles for the men, on the other hand, the women had their Awo Mmili, the Omu or Iyom as the arrow heads of the women. None of the gender roles were seen as mutually exclusive and she believes all other communities had their distinct leadership roles as well.

    The men and women played complimentary roles in communities and none was seen as really superior to the other. The men were in charge of land and territorial issues and were charged with protecting the communities. Women on the other hand were in charge of markets, shrines, streams and some other social institutions. There was clear but non-disruptive division of labour.  Curiously though, the women were adjudicators in most disputes and their decisions were as objective as they were final. Even when polygamy was a way of life, children were identified by their mother’s names and that did not diminish the ego of any man.

    Iyom Josephine therefore sees the fundamental chasm created by a holistic appropriation of western culture by Nigerians as disruptive and anti-development.  The fact that men seem to have surreptitiously  appropriated leadership she sees as  very dysfunctional and each community must begin to go back to the basics and ask questions about the past where all humans irrespective of gender could provide different levels of leadership. Like Mr. Nwakanma said, Iyom Anenih believes that Nigerians must begin to be more community-oriented, think more of shared leadership amongst the competent and ready rather than the present situation where there is a lot of inequities which ultimately affect both the leaders and the led.

    As a co-founder of Women Foundation Nigeria, an organization  that helps Nigeria women exchange views on global issues and empower women in politics, she feels that from her experiences professionally and politically, women must stop accepting the false narrative that leadership is a male duty. Being a member of the Gender Electoral and Constitutional Memoranda Committee, they worked very hard to incorporate women’s own perspective in Nigerian electoral laws.

    She was at the forefront of the domesticating Beijing affirmative action and worked very hard lobbying the National Assembly to review laws that are detrimental to women socially and politically.  Even though she had supporters in her project, she believes the narrative would change when the laws and the electoral acts recognize the rights of women in the country.  Women of Nigeria have achieved a lot academically, economically and otherwise but remain unsung and under-celebrated. Celebrating such women achievers to her would be up to fellow women as the men would never do that.

    However, she believes women must come together as a formidable group to chart a new cause of action not just for themselves but to help the men who are seemingly almost helpless. She wants the younger women interested in politics to develop a very thick skin because one of the strategies of the men is always to denigrate such strong politically competitive women as women of easy virtue just to scare and scar them psychologically. To her, women must win the psychological war posed by the men and meet them at the barricade.

     

    Nigerian women must realize that no man can lift you to prominence. Women must have the confidence to struggle for power on their own merit and capacity. She urges every generation of women to try to nurture and mentor other women and live their lives as examples through their personal efforts. Gender loyalty is the only virtue to her that can encourage more women participation in politics.

    Nigerian women have done so well but more often than not, the men deliberately tend to obliterate their contributions in all sectors but she has always been determined  through her many political roles, social organizations and platforms to re-orientate  the society to have a broader perspective about political participation. Women must own the process as much as the men too and back it up with a loud voice that must be heard. To Chido and Iyom Josephine, we must return to our sense of community and the elite must play their roles and not sit on the fence complaining pepertually.

     

    The dialogue  continues…

  • Aggressive wives, hapless husbands

    Aggressive wives, hapless husbands

    • Frightening tales of married men at mercy of violent spouses
    • Why men may begin to shun conventional marriage

     

    Olatunji OLOLADE, Associate Editor

     

    SEVERAL years later, as he took his wedding vows, Bidemi Oso remembered the twilight of 1988, when his mother ordered his father to kneel, raise his hands and close his eyes. His father, a manager at a dairy producer in Ogba, Lagos, fearfully complied in apparent dread of the whip in his mother’s hand.

    Oso, rushed out to call other kids in the compound, screaming: “E wa woo, mummy mi tun ti ni ki daddy mi kawo soke (Come and see! My mother is punishing my father again!)” Pronto, about five kids scurried to the Osos’ ground floor apartment window. They peeped through dusty louvre blades for glimpses of the family’s breadwinner and presumed head, Mr. Oso, sweating in an extreme pose. Oso’s mom, standing arms akimbo, loomed over his father menacingly, using a koboko (horsewhip) on him each time his arms bent at the elbow or he lowered a hand to scratch his nose.

    Eventually she noticed the children at the window and marched angrily towards them, causing them to flee.

    At their Olukosi Street, Agege, Lagos residence, the Oso’s debacle was compound legend. Within the blocks of three houses, neighbours stared pitifully at Oso’s father, and cracked unsparing jokes about him in his absence. Housewives, couples and unmarried residents agreed that his marriage was his bondage. But none was courageous enough to free him; not even when he emerged elegantly decked in his suit, with black eyes and bruises sustained from his wife’s beatings.

    “Everybody knew my mother beat up my father at will. They knew she punished him like a child. It was uncalled for. Regrettably, I participated in the jokes. But I was only a child. Now, I know better,” he said.

    Few days to his marriage, Oso developed jitters. It dawned on him that he “might be signing up for a lifetime of hell” like his father. Thus he became scared.

    “I didn’t wish to end up like my father. I can’t let any woman do to me, what my mother did to my father,” he said.

     

    abusive wife
    abusive wife

     

    Thus as he took his vows, the 39-year-old resolved never to get caught off his guards. Beyond love and the promise of “sweet intercourse,” he dreaded marriage and its gendered power-play. “Attack is the best form of defence,” he stressed.

    Thus right from his wedding night, he moved to assert his dominance over his new bride. He changed the hotel previously booked for their honeymoon, “because it was booked by his mother-in-law.” He said, “I needed to defy her (mother-in-law) and assert control over my marriage. She was fond of bossing her husband and other sons-in-law around. But I resolved never to be her stooge.” Of course, Oso’s bride, Bamidele, was livid but he stuck to his guns. The event almost ruined their wedding night. Then two weeks into their marriage, Oso gifted his wife with a “kafa” (a swivel kick clearing her off her feet), and plucked two of her front teeth with his fists, because she “slapped” him “thrice” during an argument on perceived infidelity.

    Seven months into the wedding, their marriage officially hit the rocks. Oso said, “She is very violent. She had a knack for slapping me during arguments. She is exceedingly violent in bed too; she loves to strangle me during intercourse. She is a poor cook. She is very dirty and hates corrections. She is also an unrepentant cheat, who frequently flirts and exchanges nude pictures with her ex-boyfriend, and her mother and sisters meddled in our marriage. I had to assert myself lest they did to me what my mother did to my father,” he said.

    It didn’t end well for Oso’s father. “He died in penury. My mother brutalised him physically and psychologically. She had an eerie hold over him. He was her slave…I don’t know what is happening to marriage these days. Once I saw my mother-in-law hit her husband, my wife’s stepfather, with the wooden sole of her slipper because he rebuked her for meddling in her daughters’ marriages. He retreated into his room to cry. It’s saddening,” said Oso.

    But the 39-year-old is grossly misguided, argued Bamidele, his estranged wife. She said, “I don’t know what screwed up his childhood but he must have seen too much of bad movies from Nollywood.” Bamidele, 31, denied her husband’s accusations, claiming that he has anger issues. She said, “He is timid during intercourse and rather than seek help, he covers up his lack of stamina with rage. He lacks the finesse and maturity to keep a home. He hasn’t evolved. He is stuck in the past. He keeps venting and transferring aggression over stuff his father went through in his mother’s hands, on me. I am not his mother for crying out loud. I had to move out, lest he kills me or I kill him.”

    The 31-year-old took a wise decision, according to Kemisola Idowu, a marriage counsellor and social psychologist. “It’s better she quits the relationship before it implodes, leading to the death of either partner,” she said.

    While the Osos represent a fraction of problematic marriages across the country, its curious manifestations of intimate partner violence against men is resonant of a rising trend involving persistent acts of violence committed against Nigerian men by their wives. Sometimes, they are gruesomely murdered.

     

    Wives with knives…

    Few people would forget in a hurry, the stark narrative of the Sandas. In a judicial drama that lasted almost three years, Maryam Sanda was found guilty and sentenced to death for killing her husband, Bilyaminu Bello, by Justice Yusuf Halilu of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) High Court.

    FMC doctor allegedly stabbed by his wife
    •FMC doctor allegedly
    stabbed by his wife
    undergoing treatment
    in Owerri.

    Sanda stabbed her husband with a kitchen knife, with clear intent to kill, Justice Halilu said in the judgment on a two-count homicide charge brought by the Nigerian police against Sanda in November 2017.

    Ibrahim Mohammed, a key witness and friend to the deceased, alleged that Sanda narrated how Sanda attempted to stab Bilyaminu with a knife, a perfume jar and a broken bottle of groundnut, in his presence. Bilyaminu allegedly sustained multiple cuts, wresting the weapons from Sanda’s grasp. Although Mohammed eventually left for home, he suffered a heart-wrenching reunion with his friend, at the hospital: at their next meeting, there was a hole near Bilyaminu’s chest, bite marks on his stomach and stitches all over his body.

    Maryam, however, denied attacking her husband, claiming that he pushed her to the floor, following an argument over nude pictures found on his phone. She testified that a shisha pot broke her fall, and its shards pierced Bilyaminu when he slipped on water that spilt from the pot.

    Regardless of her defence, Sanda was sentenced to death by hanging. But the deed had been done. Bilyaminu died a sad, gruesome death.

    And Nigeria won’t forget in a hurry, lawyer Udeme Otike-Odibi, 48, who reportedly chopped off her husband’s manhood after stabbing him to death. Giving testimony on the incident before an Igbosere High Court in Lagos, Assistant Superintendent of Police, ASP Olusegun Bamidele, of Homicide Section, State Criminal Investigation Department (CID), Panti, told the court that Udeme, in her statement, confessed to killing her husband, 50-year-old Symphorosa Otike-Odibi, also a lawyer, and cutting off his manhood, after suspecting him of having an extra-marital affair.

    The murder took place at the couple’s home in Lekki, Lagos, Nigeria, on May 2, 2018, as Udeme, who is a dual British and Nigerian citizen, was preparing to fly to the United Kingdom. ASP Bamidele said: “She stated that the deceased was having extra-marital affairs and whenever she raised the issue with him, his responses were not satisfactory…She had a discussion with him and there was a hot exchange of words, which made her go to the kitchen and get a frying pan and a knife.

    “When she returned to where the deceased lay, she hit him on the head with the frying pan and said, ‘Tell me, what is in your mind that you are withholding.’ She stated that the deceased called his mother to report her conduct but she continued to hit him on the head, again and again. Finally, she confirmed that she used the knife tostab the deceased in his abdomen. She also said while the deceased was lying on his back, she was still angry.

    “She sat beside him, looking at his intestines coming out, and said: ‘If your penis is the one that is giving you licence to have the feeling of another person, it’s better we cut it off.’

    “She proceeded to do so with the same knife she used in stabbing him and hung a piece of the penis in his right hand.”

    Assistant superintendent Bamidele said Otike-Odibi later sent her friend a WhatsApp message which read: ‘” have done something terrible.”

    Police later seized a frying pan, a blood drenched knife and Otike-Odibi’s Nigerian and British passports from her home.

    While women are encouraged to feel “powerful enough” to confront or leave an abuser via marriage counselling and feminist orientation, abused men are simply counselled “to be a man.” The latter are oftentimes made to believe that they are the ones with flawed reasoning and character, hence they are frequently urged to seek professional help to fix their behaviour, argued Ibrahim Ahmad, a psychiatrist.

    There is no gainsaying women are more on the receiving end of domestic violence, thus attracting global attention. To this end, the World Health Organisation (WHO) defined intimate partner violence as one of the most common forms of violence against women that includes physical, sexual, and emotional abuse and controlling behaviours by an intimate partner.

    “The overwhelming global burden is borne by women. Although women can be violent in relationships with men, often in self-defence, and violence sometimes occurs in same-sex partnerships, the most common perpetrators of violence against women are male intimate partners or ex-partners. By contrast, men are far more likely to experience violent acts by strangers or acquaintances than by someone close to them,” argues the WHO in a recent report.

    Likewise, the UN General Assembly, addressing the issue as Gender based Violence (GBV) declared it as any violent act that results in physical, sexual, or psychological harm or suffering to women in the context of wife battering, rape, commercial sexual exploitation, intimidation at work places, social exclusion, domestic abuse and violence, female genital mutilation or anything done by men to establish authority over women socially, intellectually or economically.

    While WHO, the media, the UN, governments and women’s rights movements have fought, rightly, for more societal attention to domestic abuse and sexual violence against women, male victims of these crimes still tend to get short shrift, from the media and activists alike.

    •Sentenced to death: Maryam Sanda being consoled by her lawyer.
    •Sentenced to death: Maryam Sanda
    being consoled by her lawyer.

    Widely broadcast social experiments have shown that while people are quick to intervene when a man in a staged public quarrel becomes physically abusive to his girlfriend, reactions to a similar situation with the genders reversed mostly range from indifference to amusement or even sympathy for the woman. These attitudes stem from traditional gender norms which treat victimhood, especially at a woman’s hands, as unmanly.

    For instance, Tope Coker, a teacher, revealed how her grandmother continually assaulted her grandfather without reproach. She said, “There was this day when we heard a frightening noise from their room. We all rushed inside to find our grandma sprawled on the bed, sobbing vigorously into the sheets. We saw grandpa, God forgive us, crouched in a corner beside the bed. He was sweating and visibly disoriented. He occasionally rubbed his temple and remained silent while we railed at him for daring to assault his wife even in their old age.

    “I told him I was disappointed in him and we stopped calling him. Few months later, the house-help came to reveal to me and one of my cousins how grandma had been persistently beating grandpa till he cried. She said, grandma often starved him and denied him food, sometimes restricting his diet to cold cornmeal and bean cake. She even made a recording of her assault on him on two different occasions. I was dumbfounded and I felt terrible for tongue-lashing grandpa earlier.

    “Grandpa said he felt too ashamed to reveal the other day that it was our grandma who pounced on him and beat him up. His attempt to escape through the door resulted in a scuffle and the noise that attracted us. He said she hit him with a plastic lamp on his head and that was why he was rubbing his temple.

    “When we confronted grandma, she burst into tears recounting how she endured grandpa’s beating and philandering while they were a young couple. She wanted us to applaud her persistent abuse of her husband as payback. That was some sick excuse, and I couldn’t accept it even though some other family members accepted it,” she said.

    Coker said the incident estranged her from her grandmother until her death in 2017, and drew her closer to her grandpa until his death one year earlier, 2016.

     

     No romance without finance

    Tunde Braimoh, 66, argued that it is about time men took deliberate measures to protect themselves. He said, “We must realise that as we grow older, our wives seek to be free. They do not want to answer to any man. They stop needing you once your children secure lucrative jobs and cater to their needs. I have friends who got married to a wife and they were left to rot by both wife and children. At their death, they were given lavish funerals. These were able providers who took care of their families. Their wives simply relocated abroad to live with the kids.

    The retired haulage entrepreneur, who has three wives and eight children, argued that, “A man must marry more than one wife and work hard to cater for his family’s material and emotional needs. When you have more wives and children, they can’t all get mad and hate you at the same time. There will always be that wife and child who would take care of you, and to whom you would remain beloved, until your death.”

    But 64-year-old widower, Peter Idoh, argued that you can only enjoy such luxury if you have the wisdom and stamina for it, and if you are rich in your old age.

    He said, “Before I received my pension, women scorned me a lot; even women my age. Then I received my pension and I became the beau of most women, married women inclusive. A woman who refused my overture stating that she couldn’t answer to any man again suddenly volunteered to move in with me, promising to take care of my needs.”

    •Udeme Otike-Odili (right) was accused of killing her husband, Symphorosa, at their home in Sangotedo, Lekki, Lagos.
    •Udeme Otike-Odili (right) was accused of
    killing her husband, Symphorosa, at their
    home in Sangotedo, Lekki, Lagos.

    Interestingly, men like Idoh encounter resistance from older women who want their own lives, not a full-time relationship. While many in this generation of heterosexual, divorced or widowed women want male companionship, they don’t necessarily relish the thought of moving in with a man.

    For instance, 67-year-old retired business woman, Gladys Irueteh, stated that she is done putting up with the rigours of marriage and the live-in relationship. According to her, the burden of co-dependence, the daily tension within close quarters and the sacrifices made keeping a home, care-giving and doing the emotional legwork to keep her marriage humming petered off at the collapse of her second marriage.

     

     Men shunning marriage…

    Recently, a social media user generated outrage by teaching women via a post, on how to kill a cheating husband. The married woman, identified as Chidinma, received backlash from Nigerians for allegedly teaching other women how to kill their husbands “professionally without leaving any evidence behind.”

    In a post on a Facebook group called “Extraordinary Mum’s and Singles Ladies B,” she reportedly wrote, “Please, please, my fellow ladies, if your husband cheats, do not stab him. Simply go and remove his car break. If he survives it, either the spinal cord will break, or his two legs. With that, he will only be facing you. Thanks.”

    And just recently, a medical doctor simply identified as Mr. Jones reported in another social media post how a colleague at the Federal Medical Centre (FMC), in Owerri, Imo State, was brutally attacked by his wife after a quarrel. He said the doctor’s wife allegedly cut off his nose, upper teeth, the tip of his tongue, lower gums, and after the assault, she called the husband’s mom to come and carry him.

    “Luckily, for the doctor, he was rushed to the hospital and we stabilised him. He is conscious but cannot talk since he’s on tracheostomy. Now, I’m scared of this marriage thing,” said Jones.

    At the backdrop of these proceedings, a creepy trend ensues amid suburban youth. Dare Thomas, 25, has “three children from three baby mamas.” He doesn’t intend to marry any of them. “I won’t tie myself down to any woman. They are users. I can never keep to one wife,” said the manager of a Dopemu, Agege based lotto and betting agency.

    Like Thomas, Matthew Aina, a loan procurement manager with an Ikeja, Lagos-based bank, stated that, “Conventional marriage is outdated. It’s a scary transaction between two parasites. We use each other but the woman uses you more. Remember, ‘it’s always her matrimonial home,’ not yours. It’s easier to maintain civil partnerships with one or two baby mamas (birth mothers) of your children. I only have to worry about my children’s upkeep, and I can have as many women as I like. No problem with wives and in-laws,” said the 34-year-old.

    Such reasoning is grossly flawed, argued Nafeesah Adekola, 56, a sociologist.

    She said, “From a religious and sociological point of view, the marriage institution serves a pivotal role in sustaining society and enriching civilisation. Marriage should enhance an adult’s ability to parent. Both male and female must fulfill their gendered roles, and that can only be fulfilled in an appropriate family setting – irrespective of what modern theorists or so-called disrupters say.

    “Married people are more likely to give and receive support to children and nourish growth within structured frameworks of family and society. When family members move outside of these roles, the family is thrown out of balance and this triggers a devastating impact on societal norms and civilisation. Society must recalibrate in order to function properly,” she said.

    Thomas, Aina and their ilk are perhaps wary of having their manhoods severed or being stabbed to death by jealous wives. A peep into Bidemi Oso’s mind, however, reveals a wariness characteristic of a scared romantic.

    The 39-year-old still hurts every time he remembers his father kneeling with his eyes closed and his hands raised in their dimly lit living room, while his mother hushed him quiet with promises of pain and a whiplash.

    Mrs Oso was menacing: venomous threats leapt from her lips in measured cadence. The effect was frightening. It kept his father from attempting escape from the dark living room. Thirty-two years since his ordeal, Oso is still with his father in the dark room.

  • Real reasons Nigerians are barred from jobs in Dubai

    Real reasons Nigerians are barred from jobs in Dubai

    According to a post that has gone viral in recent times, Nigerians resident in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) are barred from applying for jobs advertised in the Middle East country. And while many were quick to attribute the development to the recent arrest of the alleged notorious cybercrime fraudster, Hushpuppi, findings revealed otherwise, INNOCENT DURU reports.

    • Ban not connected with Hushpuppi’s arrest, says Nigerian resident
    • We’re not aware of ban -NIDCOM
    • No official statement from consular office -Foreign Affairs Ministry

    Most of them had departed their homes in Nigeria in the hope of securing lucrative jobs in the oil rich United Arab Emirates, having lost hope in their own country and its system.

    For many of them, however, the decision has turned out an awful error as many employers in the oil rich country are said to have barred Nigerians from applying for jobs, even when such jobs are meant strictly for Africans.

    With the Eldorado they chased from Nigeria to Dubai, the UAE capital not anywhere in sight, many of them are desperate to return home, but they are not only stranded but also frustrated.

    Their plight became public knowledge after a social media post indicating that Nigerians in UAE were precluded from applying for available jobs in the Asian country went viral.

    Given that the post came on the heels of the arrest of Hushpuppi, the alleged notorious cybercrime kingpin, many were fast to attribute the predicament of other Nigerians in UAE to his atrocities.

    But Nigerians who spoke with our correspondent from the UAE were unanimous in declaring that their plight had nothing to do with Hushpuppi. The ban on Nigerians, according to them, had been in effect long before the fraudster’s issue.

    What then are the sins for which UAE employers prefer the nationals of smaller African countries to those of the so-called giant of Africa?

    Femi Johnson, a Nigerian resident in Dubai, said: “I saw the information barring Nigerians from applying for the advertised vacancies.

    When I asked why, I was told that it was not an official decision of the UAE government but that of employers of labour.

    “The ban on Nigerians from applying for advertised jobs also has nothing to do with Hushppuppi. After all, he was not the only person arrested around that period.

    People of other nationalities were also arrested but it was that of Hushppupi that grabbed the media space.

    “Many Nigerians like the easy way out. For instance, sale of alcohol is regulated here but some Nigerians will want to be smart about it.

    “Last Friday, some Nigerians held a party and in Sharjah area and ran into trouble with the authorities. An Indian neighbour told them that the music was too loud but they did not budge.

    “An argument ensued and they threw the guy down from a 14-storey building. The police moved in and arrested many Nigerians and other Africans there.”

    Such development, according to Johnson, robs off negatively on the image of innocent Nigerians.

    He added: “At my place of work, my colleagues got angry about the incident and bombarded me with questions. I had to repeatedly explain things to defend my country and our people.

    “I am working here in Dubai, and I happen to be the first African to work in the organisation. When my boss saw my level of diligence and hard work, he asked me to bring my brother to also come and work in the company. He is here working in the company with me.”

    A Nigerian resident in Sharjah area of the UAE, Emem Akpan, said some employers bar Nigerians from applying for certain jobs because of their past experiences.

    Sloan said: “It has nothing to do with Hushpuppi’s arrest. Some Nigerians always want to take advantage of situations. After some employers would have invested so much on some of them, the employees will just run away at a point.

    “Some of the employers here prefer to employ Ethiopians instead of Nigerians. I went for an interview some time ago and a fellow Nigerian told me that once they helped her with a visa, she would work for two months and run away if another job came her way.

    “I told her if she was not going to stay, there was no need making them to process her visa which costs almost a million naira.

    •Hushpuppi after his arrest
    •Hushpuppi after his arrest

    Some companies deem such Nigerians to have absconded, and once they do that, it will be difficult for such Nigerians to get jobs.”

    Another reason UAE employers of labour turn down Nigerians, according to Emem, is language barrier.

    She said: “When I came here, I could not apply for a front desk job because I could not speak Arabic and could not transact with the people that were coming to do business.

    “Some of the clients don’t speak English well so they always want somebody who understands and speaks Arabic. But Nigerians are still employed in customer care sections. Presently, I work with a travel agency.

    “The Hushpuppi issue still pops up during newscast.  But it is not only Nigerians that are committing crimes here. We read about Dubai police arresting some drug lords but they won’t publicise them because they are not Nigerians.”

    Dada Ezekiel, who resides in Dubai, said he felt bad when he saw the post barring Nigerians from applying for jobs.

    “It doesn’t actually make one feel well,” he said.

    “When I saw the job vacancies Nigerians were barred from applying for, I initially thought it had to do with the Hushpuppi stuff.

    “Later that day, I saw a report that it was not the UAE government’s position but that of the employer who placed the advert.

    “There are two Nigerians in the company I work with. Before now, they didn’t want blacks.  When they tried the first person and saw what he was able to do and has been doing, they asked him to bring another person from Nigeria, and that was how I got the job.

    “When I was in Nigeria, I didn’t know the depth of this kind of issue on one’s psyche until I got to this place. It is here I got to know how it feels when you go for an interview and you feel isolated and people treat you like you are not a human being just because of the information they might have received about Nigerians’ involvement in scam.”

    Many Nigerians, he said don’t care about how their actions affect other people.

    “What Nigerians are generally noted for here is internet fraud. When I got here, I saw that there were a lot of services we could offer but a few of our people dent our image.

    “Recently, a Nigerian colleague was trying to scam an Indian by pretending to be processing a Canadian visa for him.

    “The Indian was almost paying the money when he noticed that he was being scammed. If he (Nigerians) had been caught, how would the hosts perceive somebody like me?

    “Many of them believe that every black man is a Nigerian. They see Nigeria as a continent and not just a country. Whenever any black man commits an offence, they say he is a Nigerian.

    “When I came here, there was a guy that came in with a three-month visa. When the visa expired, he absconded instead of making efforts to renew it.

    “Those are the kinds of people who commit most of the crimes. They always run away from the police and do nothing than drinking.

    “Sharjah is where you find many Nigerians. It is like a community for Nigerians and what most of them do is to drink with the females, doing all sorts of stuff.”

    Corroborating Ezekiel’s remarks, a Dubai resident, who gave his name simply as Segun, said: “Why they prefer some other African nationals to Nigerians is the attitude of our boys.

    Most of them want to make quick money. are doing here. They do leave those guys for some time because they know that they will confiscate all they have at the end of the day.  There is no way they can take any of those things out of Dubai.”

    He added: “Some of them don’t have any qualification and want to come here to make quick money. Here, they pay according to your qualification and level.

    “People from other African countries come with good qualifications and experience. At times, there would be job vacancies for only Africans, but as soon as they see Nigerians, they keep them aside and interview nationals of other African countries, telling the Nigerians to go away.

    “There are so many challenges for our brothers here. Most of them are not doing well at all.

    “Some of them who got jobs in some companies would suddenly say they don’t want to work again because they think the pay is not enough for them.

    “Most of them live extravagantly. They cannot safe when they lead extravagant lifestyle because Dubai is an expensive place to live in.

    “No matter how much you are paid, if you want to live the way you want here, you may not be able to save a dime.

    “Even some Europeans run into debts because of extravagant lifestyle, even though they earn fat salaries. Some of them get as much as N17 million monthly but they still run into debt.”

    ‘Nigerians treated like slaves in UAE’

    A Nigerian cleric, Archbishop Sam Zuga of the House of Joy Ministry, Makurdi, who was in Dubai early in the year, decried the plight of many Nigerians in the UAE.

    Zuga said: “Nigerians are being treated like slaves in UAE. Most of them are women who are stranded with their international passports seized by Nigerian human traffickers. The most stranded people in the UAE are Nigerians. Nigerians are the biggest problem of Nigerians in the UAE.

    “Dubai needs standard, but they don’t have standard. Many of the Nigerians youths I met in Dubai went there to look for money without a defined agenda. Dubai is not a money-making but a money-spending city.

    “The truth is, no firm in Dubai, be it government or private, trusts a Nigerian. Nigerians have big certificates without skills. They (UAE) need both your money and your skills.”

    Last year, the Nigerian Ambassador to the United Arab Emirates, Mohammed Rimi, revealed that 446 Nigerians were serving different terms in UAE prisons for crimes ranging from possession of hard drugs to engaging in robbery.

    He said: “Although there is no exact record of our citizens in the UAE owing to the inability to register them on arrival, the number of Nigerians resident in the country is estimated at about 10,000. Out of this number, about 2,017 are students in various universities.

    “It is disheartening to state that 446 Nigerians are currently serving different terms in prisons across UAE for committing various crimes including possession and consumption of hard drugs and engaging in armed robbery.”

    “In the spirit of forgiveness, tolerance and accommodation, the UAE government granted amnesty to all irregular residents in the country.

    “In 2018, no fewer than 5,774 standard passports were issued by the embassy, out of which, 3,164 were specifically issued during the amnesty programme. A further 1,346 emergency traveling certificates were issued to Nigerians to facilitate their return home.”

    NIDCOM, Foreign Affairs Ministry react

    Contacted, the spokesman of Nigerians in Diaspora Commission, Rahman Balogun, said he was not aware of the post claiming that Nigerian had been barred from applying for jobs in the UAE.

    “I am not aware, but the Foreign Affairs may, because it is a consular matter. We here at NIDCOM are not aware.”

    Foreign Affairs Ministry’s spokesman, Ferdinand Nwoye, admitted seeing the post, but he said the ministry had not received any official report about it.

    “Everybody read it on the social media. The ministry does not work on the basis of speculations on the social media.  We have a consulate in Dubai; we have an embassy in Dubai.

    “If such a thing happens, they will write to us officially informing us of that position, because it is an official position.  I am not of any knowledge that such has been communicated to the ministry,” Nwoye said.

  • ‘How I overcame deformity to become a lawyer’

    ‘How I overcame deformity to become a lawyer’

    In spite of being physically-challenged from birth, Jennifer Oghenewaire Nikoro, a young Nigerian lady, was able to achieve her dream of becoming a lawyer against all odds. The graduate of Ambrose Ali University (AAU) and the Nigerian Law School in Kano tells DAVID ADENUGA how she drew strength from disappointments, heartbreaks and other discouraging circumstances to surge forward.

    Were you born with disability?

    Yes. I was born like this. I was born without the right forelimb.

    Tell us about your childhood experience

    I am the third child in a family of six. Only one of us is a male while the rest of us are females. My growing up experience was not so normal, because I could not socialise because of my condition.

    I used to be very shy. My peers avoided me while the courageous ones formed a pity party around me. People wrote me off as a result of my disability.

    But thank God for my family who were very supportive. They gave me strength. My parents treated everyone of us with equal love.

    When they allocated duties at home, I had my own responsibility. My mother made sure I was not left out in the house chores.

    When I started schooling, I realised that the attention was always on me. In my mind, I thought I was a beauty queen, little did I know that it was because of my condition.

    It really made me sad though, because they felt I was not worthy to be in school. They thought that I ought to be at home or in the streets, begging for alms.

    What dream did you nurse as a child?

    I have always wanted to be a lawyer. My family did tease me as a child that I talked a lot and I liked to win arguments even when it was obvious that I was wrong (laughs).  So being a legal practitioner has always being my  dream.

    Were you able to start school at the right time, considering your condition?

    Yes, I started school as and when due. Like I said, there are six of us, and every one of us went to school as and when due. But one thing my parents did was that they kept me in one school from nursery to senior secondary.

    With that, I was familiar with everyone and everyone was familiar with me; only a little stigmatization from bullies, which to me is normal.

    And any new student coming into the school would have to adjust and adapt to the system of me being in the same class with them. Sooner or later, they adapted and we flowed well.

    Teachers liked me a lot because I was a very intelligent girl while in secondary school. At a point, I was at the top of my class in terms of grade.

    What are the challenges you encountered on your career path?

    I encountered many challenges, I must say. Firstly, let me talk about my youth service experience when I was posted to Lagos.

    The National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) actually posted me to a place of primary assignment (PPA), which I really did not like.

    I tried to change it, but to my amazement, I could not get an alternative PPA as I was virtually rejected everywhere I went.

    I applied to different law firms, but when I went for interviews, they underrated my capabilities and wondered why I had chosen to go to school when the street is the right place for my type, even though I introduced myself as a lawyer.

    Their attention was always on my deformed hand. They asked ridiculous questions like, are you sure you can do this job? Can you type with Microsoft word?

    Even when I tried to convince them that I am proficient with Ms Word, Excel or Power Point, they found it hard to believe me.

    They told me to go home and wait for feedback, only for me to wait in vain. I had to confide in a friend over the situation and she was like, ‘This is Lagos, a commercial city where the labour market is highly competitive.

    Nobody will give you a job just like that because they will feel you are not capable due to your condition. And nobody wants to hire someone they will start pitying.’

    I went for several interviews but had similar experiences. I was really disturbed because I know I am hard working.

    What were some of the biggest barriers you had to break to get to where you are today?

    One of the barriers I had to break is not letting my condition affect my mentality. The pity party did not get to me. I don’t like people pitying me. I prefer to show people that I am capable.

    I had to break the barrier of being an object of pity. The second barrier I had to break is the fact that the society will always  tell you who you are; not you telling yourself who you are. I motivated myself with the word of God to do anything.

    Do people still stigmatise you within and outside the court premises now that you’re a lawyer?

    No.

    Tell us about your journey in the law profession

    I got my LL.B from the Ambrose Ali University (AAU). I later went to the Kano Law School (2017-2018) where I got my BL.

    I got called into the Nigerian bar on November 27, 2018. I am two years at the bar now). I recently passed the Associate Member of the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators (AcARB) examination.

    The certificate will be issued maybe by December at the induction ceremony date which is not yet fixed. I am also an Associate Member at the Chartered institute of Mediator and Conciliators in Nigeria (ICMC).

    The move to broaden my horizon was borne out of the stigmatization I face due to my disability. People tend to intimidate my sense of worth in the labour market as Lagos is a competitive environment and only the strong get going. I wanted a better life for myself; I did not want my disability to tie me down.

    After I applied for mediation at ICMC, I got a job at a law firm in Lagos. But It was not enough for me because I wanted to have a successful career.

    I applied again at the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators to become an arbitrator, which is a recent application I made and I passed the exams.

    I really want to be relevant in my society so I can advocate for people who are disable. I also want to develop myself and become an expert in my field, so that people will no longer doubt me.

    I still want to go further, get my master’s degree abroad if I am opportune. I also want to become a human rights lawyer. At the same time, I want to own an NGO.

    Generally, Law is tasking: the reason one has to be up and doing. Even those with two arms and two legs are not finding it easy, not to talk of someone with disability.

    But with determination, nothing is impossible. Coping with the stress as a disable person has not been that easy but for my determination, which has been my stronghold.

    That has taken me through the discrimination I have always encountered in the field and currently facing. I believe I am not a mistake on this earth, for I believe God has a plan for me and such plan must come to pass.

    I most times follow my principal to court on contentious matters, and the only times I appear alone is on moving applications in court, which every young lawyer does. I often times wear my artificial hand, which is called prosthetic hand.

    What can you do?

    I can type. I am proficient with Microsoft word and conversant with Excel. I type my briefs myself.

    What are your hobbies?

    Sharing God’s word, advocacy, writing, reading, travelling and swimming. I also like to bake cake at my free time. I cook my food too and I also do my laundry all by myself and without any external support. I live alone.

    Have there been times people tried to take advantage of you as a result of your disability?

    People price me less because of my disability. Those who offer to give me job when they see me often times want to cut down the salary because they feel I have no choice and I cannot do much for them.

    Are there things you think your deformity has robbed you of?

    Apparently, many things. I may not remember all, but I know that at so many points, I felt depressed. People don’t want to associate with someone with disability.

    They feel you are not part of this world. Some people see you as second class citizen. They feel you are not equal with them and you are less human.

    For instance, when I was in the university, I could not mingle with the high class girls. Sometimes I would not want to come out of my hostel because I realised I had become popular for my disability, as people describe me with it.

    In 2012, I was so excited with hopes of traveling abroad. My parents wanted to renew their passports’ so they decided to take everyone along with the intention of renewing theirs and obtaining one for each of us.

    Upon arrival, my parents immediately did the needful. They paid the official fee. In less than an hour after payments were made and documentations were finalised, we were called one after the other for fingerprint impression and facial-biometric.

    When it was time for me to be captured, on getting into the capturing room, proudly seated, the officer in charge politely beckoned to my dad and said to him, ‘I’m sorry sir, but your daughter cannot be captured here in Benin; she has to go to Abuja for a fingerprint bye-pass, and such cannot be done in Benin.’

    Truth be told, everyone in my family did their biometrics and had their passport that same day. I was the only one who went back without a passport.

    Sometimes, it is no fun being disabled, I must say. Life beyond disability is for those who understand their difference and choose to live life through it.

    What has your experience been with men, especially finding true love and acceptance?

    I once had a guy who asked me out but I told him I was not interested. Despite pressure from him, I still maintained my stance.

    Then he called me one day and angrily told me he was only trying to manage me but I was not yielding to his advances.

    According to him, he only pitied and wanted to do me a favour by dating me. He then told me he was sure no other man would marry me since I didn’t accept him.

    Well, I actually turned down the guy because as a Christian, I believe in the doctrine of Christian morality, the doctrine of the faith.

    Happily for me, I was  actually  praying about it even when I said no, but his reaction just showed that it was not God’s will that we should be together. You don’t intimidate someone into marriage.

    I had a similar experience with another guy. We were flowing together, trying to see if we could bond. We were actually at the initial stage and I was thinking with time, things would get serious with us, only for him to call me one day, telling me he did not think his mother would be able to accept me. Immediately he said so, it actually got me down.

    I was like what do you mean, but I already got the code. I didn’t even want him to continue because I knew it was due to my condition.

    He later told me to hang around to see if he would be able to convince his parents, but I wasn’t the one to hang around; I had to move on with my life. That was how we parted ways.

    I also get to see men who admire me, but at the end of it all would go after somebody else, maybe a friend of mine.

    Such is life though, and I have outgrown that, because one thing about my Christian faith is that I believe when it is my time, it is my time.

    I will never out of pressure or my condition submit to anything or everything.

    What is wrong is wrong, I won’t out of pressure do what is ungodly or what I know would affect me in the end, either in relationship or marriage. Marriage is by choice.

    At the same time, you don’t pity to marry. I don’t want any man to marry me out of sympathy but love. It is better to be single and happy than to be married and unhappy.

    Besides, my parents have never put any pressure on me to get married. They’re after my development so that at the end, I will be the one selecting men, not men selecting me.