Category: Sunday magazine

Humans are generally regarded as omnivore, but vegetarians are showing they can live without eating flesh. Joe Agbro Jr. writes about their lifestyle

AFAM Obi, a Lagos resident had travelled to England 10 years ago and was returning back for a brief holiday. Prior to his departure from England, he had telephoned his mother to let her know that he no longer eats meat or fish  that he is what they call a vegetarian. But to his utter surprise, for welcome, his mother had cooked a huge pot soup ladened with meat and fish  delicacies for many Nigerians.

“Even when I told her that I don’t take meat or fish again, she was urging me to take just a little,” said Obi relating the incident. “She could not believe I was serious that I don’t eat flesh anymore.”

Eating for many humans is not complete without flesh as part of their daily diet. In many cultures, hunting and fishing were even basic occupations. However, some people abstain from eating animal flesh or by-products. This practice is known as vegetarianism while people that practice it are called vegetarians.

In many parts of Africa, being a vegetarian is somewhat novel compared to the western world where Obi was returning from. Around here, when one declares avoidance of eating flesh, reasons easily flash out; could it be for spiritual, medical, or just another freak reason? Indeed, the popular view about town is that they take to that lifestyle for religious or spiritual purposes.

“I was introduced to vegetarianism by religion, that is Brotherhood of the Cross and Star,” said Senior Apostle Jude Uwaezuoke of the Brotherhood of the Cross and Star, Lagos State. That was in 1985.

The Brotherhood of the Star and Cross promotes vegetarianism – just like some other religious organisations like the Seventh Day Adventist, Rastafarianism, and Buddhism.

In Uwaezuoke’s case, his wife and their only child are also vegetarians.

On why he chose vegetarianism, he said it is “because of total love for creation. And the moment you extend this love to every creation, you will see what will happen. In fact, your life and everything would change for good.

“Vegetarians are very acceptable everywhere they go. They are loved. The only thing is that if you are a good vegetarian, it will be difficult for people to notice that you are a vegetarian because, one, you are not interested in going to parties and all those things. You take care of yourself.”

However, given that the Nigerian culture is heavy on reserving the serving of meat and fish, how does he cope with such offers?

According to him, in the initial years that he started practicing vegetarianism, he met stares and even promptings to eat flesh but nearly 30 years later,Uwaezuoke said people close to him know about his lifestyle.

“If a person values me so much,” he said, “he would go and prepare a vegetarian dish or he would go and look for fruits to give me. I can fruits for the whole day. Then there is also Tofu that is like meat. If they garnish it well, you would not know (the difference)”

Last year when he was ill and went to the hospital, his wife suggested whether they abolish the vegetarian diet. But he said the doctor even counselled against that. “She was shocked to hear that,” he said.

According to Harvard.health.edu, there are about four to six million vegetarians in the US. In Nigeria, their figure is not known. But it is growing trend, especially among health conscious people to ditch meat for plants.

“A lot of Nigerians are vegetarians,” said Emmanuella Mahmud, who has been a vegetarian for about a decade.  “But you would not know. Nigerians love their health and they fear a lot too. A vegetarian lifestyle is healthier than all these meat you see around.”

On how she became a vegetarian, Mahmud said it was a gradual process. “I first eliminated red meat from my diet and was takin only things like chicken.” Today, she is a vegan, a form of vegetarianism whereby a person abstains from all animal flesh and products, such as milk, honey, and eggs.

“I have never been a meat loving person. For instance, while growing up, eating suya (barbecued meat) had never been really my fancy,” said Mahmud. “People around me know my diet.”

She, however, owns up that a vegetarianism lifestyle impacts people in more ways than just eating  it determines one’s social life, the mode of celebrations and even what one shops for. It takes a while for family and friends to get used to a vegetarian’s lifestyle.

“Because I can’t eat what everyone is eating,” she said, “I always eat when I’m going to a function.”

Also, many restaurants do not cater for vegetarian diets; hence, eating out is another problem.

MichelaMoye, an On-Air-Personality with Abuja-based WE Fm began toying withbeing a vegetarian as a child. In her own case, she is anOvo-lacto vegetarian, which means she eats eggs and dairy products like cheese. She also says that contrary to the belief among a segment of people in the society, vegetarianism is not an expensive venture. While vegetarians tend to scrutinise many food sources,Moye believes that vegetarians need to cook their food to benefit well from the practice.

“If you have to get your food from outside sources,” she said, “there might be stock in it. But, most times, I have to cook my own food.”

“I also feel some level of concern for animals,” she said.

For good health, nutritionists advise different fruits, vegetables, and grains. Also, they recommend the use of olive oil or canola for cooking to replace saturated and trans fats. And while some people think vegetarianism is another way of slimming down but that is not the case. And always keep in mind that if you eat too many calories, even from nutritious, low-fat, plant-based foods, you’ll gain weight. So it’s also important to practice portion control, read food labels, and engage in regular physical activity.

“When people see me looking full and fresh, they often express surprise,” she said. “When you eat foods with many calories even without meat or fish, you will add weight. I know what to eat when I want to slim down.”

In Nigeria, the corporate sector is also slowly latching on to the vegetarianism tide. And some bakeries have begun providing delicacies like vegan bread and vegan pizza, the first vegetarian restaurant opened in Lagos last year. Founder and owner, Hakeem Jimo, said he was inspired to open the restaurant after discovering it was very difficult to find a place that catered for the vegetarian.

“You go abroad and it is not difficult to find somewhere you want to eat,” said Jimo who has also been a vegetarian for the past 16 years. “Even in Ghana, there are vegan restaurants.”

Located at Freedom Park, the restaurant which serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner offers meatless or fishless cuisines in the form of Jollof rice, Soy Dog, Eba and Efo-riro, Vegan porridge, Veggie Burger and Vegan Chicken Burger. For a feel of flesh, there is Tofu and ‘vegan-suya’ which is actually made from wheat.

“When I discovered the place last year,” Mahmud, I used to go to take lunch everyday there from Ikeja but I later stopped because of the distance.”

This month, the restaurant organised Lagos Veg Fest, a Vegan and Vegetarian Festival.According to Jimo, the festival was “to show everyone in Nigeria that a healthy lifestyle is not only better for you but also delicious and fun.”

And it also intends to start packaging Veggie Foods to ensure more market penetration.

And while to many Nigerians, foods prepared without flesh would likely appear and may even taste bland, Moye does not agree it has to be so.

“My favourite soup is egusisoup and I make it without meat or fish. There are many leaves that are very good. And also Locust beans give it great flavour.”

And as substitute for meat, the vegetarians go for Tofu, Tempeh, and also Seitan.

While Tofu is made from soyabeans, Seitan is made from wheat but both have a texture and consistency similar to meat.

A former student of Babcock University said, “at first I didn’t like the Tofu but after some time, I began to enjoy it.”

However, vegetarians may need to go an extra length to get some vitamins such as vitamin B12 which is largely derived from animal source.  According to the Harvard Health Letter, ‘B12 deficiency is the most common nutritional deficiency in the developing world.’

That is a tricky part for vegans who do not eat meat, egg or dairy products. The Harvard Health Letter even notes that ‘even vegetarians who eat eggs and dairy products consume, on average, less than half the adult Recommended Dietary Allowance of 2.4 mcg of B12.’

Also, other vitamins such as iodine, omega-3, zinc, and calcium while plentiful in meat and fish are scant in plants. And eating more of lant-based foods such as salads in addition to not being healthy could result in complications such as kidney stones

Hence, Mrs Iwalola Akin-Jimoh, a nutritionist said that while a vegetarian life may be appropriate for adults, it should not be recommended for children.

“They (children) are growing and need all the necessary vitamins but they cannot easily get them from being a vegetarian.”

But despite this challenge of balancing body nutrients with a vegetarian outlook, vegetarianism in the country is rising. And more Nigerians seem to be embracing it.

The 2014 Lagos Comics Conference was held recently. Olubanwo Fagbemi reports.

MARTIN Okonkwo started drawing in school exercise books at five, and sustained the pastime through secondary school and university. “I produced 70 to 80 and 100 pages of comics even before the age of computers,” he said. Top honours as a Fine and Applied Arts student didn’t shift his focus. While he works in advertising, extra work with comics have fetched jobs with notable brands, Milo, Etisalat and Indomie.

Peter Ike Amadi artist, book editor and creative director, is the publisher of the epic, Sheba’s Song, among other productions. He was not taken seriously as a comic book publisher at first. He said: “My brother who is a banker used to think it was nothing serious until I took some of my first comics to Patabah in Surulere and Hub Media at The Palms Shopping Mall in Lekki, and they sold out. He asked for all the figures involved in production, broke everything down and declared that it was profitable. The rest is history, as they say.”

Adeniran Adeniji Jr., chemical and water corporation materials supplier and creator of the epic, Uhuru, Legend of the Windriders, joined the ‘nascent’ comics industry in 2010 and has been hooked since. The B.Sc. Marketing graduate from the University of Maryland in the United States of America drew comics as a child and honed his creative skills abroad, going “from O.K. student in Nigeria to A-student in the U.S. because of teaching aids and interesting learning materials like comics”.

Motivated by the desire to fulfill a societal need, Adebola Jaiye-Ojo, publisher of Bright and Morning Star, set about changing the way in which the Bible is presented to children going to church. “I realised the issue of character in the society. Children need to develop the right character. What they are exposed to is not for positive character. We feel we can re-orientate them through comics.”

Sewedo Nupowaku, is CEO of RevolutionMedia, an entertainment company publishing Nollywood’s Finest.

Deploying the classic comic book plot of good trouncing evil, Okonkwo, Adeniji Jr., Amadi, Nupowaku and Jaiye-Ojo are leading the push for the reading culture through art. Among other participants at the 2014 Lagos Comics Conference sponsored by Indomie, a brand of Dufil Prima Foods Plc, the five underlined commitment to informal education via comic art despite limitations. They declared the Nigerian comic beyond experiment with impressive turnout at the conference as proof.

In its third edition, the two-day event held at the University of Lagos Indoor Sports Complex, of recent, attracted arts enthusiasts and corporate bodies interested in visual arts, comics, animation, gaming, game designs, photography and cinematography.

Counting commercial work for firms through comics among his credits, Adeniji Jr. canvassed greater reading culture starting with comics for children. “To tackle the low reading culture, let children start with pictures and stories. Comics make learning fun. It can also be community-based.”

Jaiye-Ojo shared the view. “Every child needs to be helped to learn the right thing, especially from the age of five,” she said. “Comics make learning fun and affordable. Once you get it right, people will buy. If you don’t want somebody to take alcohol, give them an alternative.”

Amadi added: “Parents don’t teach children to read from an early age. As children are easily attracted to pictures and fun activities, the comic book is one way to get them interested in reading.”

Nupowaku also thought the challenge of reading culture surmountable. “It’s a chicken-and-egg thing,” said the self-styled ‘labourer in the comic vineyard’. “There will be no funds unless investors get confidence in what you are doing. But the major challenges are often the twin factors of printing and distribution.”

Are comics publishing a profitable venture then?

“Yes,” said Amadi.

“Comics pay well,” Okonkwo said. “It is profitable.”

As with other industries, however, obstacles exist, Amadi pointed out. Exorbitant cost of printing is one. Regularity in production is another, since printers tend to work at their pace. Minus the odd disappointment in delivery times though, Amadi has acquired relevant experience as publishing in more viable A5 paper format. His epic, Sheba’s Song refers.

Jaiye-Ojo shared Amadi’s optimism despite the formidable barriers of “westernised ideals and instability in production costs”.

Okonkwo, Adeniji Jr. and Amadi produce comics of the superhero genre while Nupowaku’s is Nollywood-themed and Jaiye-Ojo carves a niche through faith-based children’s comic.

When asked if his faith-based theme is not a well-worn path, Jaiye-Ojo said: “Not really. The Bible SAT segment of our comic uses Bible stories to illustrate the effect of vices such as pride and bullying. To stimulate assimilation and encourage reading, questions and puzzles are presented in each edition for prizes. A teacher’s guide also makes the comic ideal instructional material in school, churches and homes.”

But what makes the comic book publisher persist against the odds? Passion, said Okonkwo, Creative Director at Epoch Studios, producers of the super-hero comic, A.E.G.I.S. “If you don’t have it, you won’t go far.”

He should know. It cost him “one month salary to get published”.

Acknowledging the influence of advertising and sponsorship on industry growth, Nupowaku prescribed digital application as solution. As example, he fingered the USA  which is considered the biggest comics market in the world  and its use of digital marketing.

For homegrown solution, he and associates came up with ‘The Hyper Drive’, a mobile app cum community which entails distribution of comics via mobile gadgets. Targeting a tenth of Nigeria’s 160 million-plus population, specifically the 13 to 34 year-old segment, the service hopes to reach at least one million users every day.

“That is enough to ensure profitability,” said Nupowaku with conviction. “People will read once they are served great content despite the daily grind of living. Imagine the benefits of reading while rushing through daily tasks. It will be cheaper. There’s a revolution coming.”

The revolution may have begun. And it is open season as published and unpublished artists and comic book creators tackle the issue of poor reading culture.

“Now anyone can get published online,” said Okonkwo. It is a development tapped by Ope Simpson, a comic artist restricted to uploading content on his website youithopia aja.com in the meantime. It is an option available to Alex-Ojei Peter, insurance broker, and Okeke Uche Peter, recruitment officer, two comic enthusiasts at the conference to “meet people who publish and rub minds and get exposure.”

An estimated one in 30 Nigerians having access to material online presents a viable alternative to physical publication, said Omolara Arikawe, PR Business Development Officer of Koryarts, a creative arts company. “People contact us online for any of our creative services, pay for delivery and we deliver physically.”

Yet another route to growth lies in establishing platforms for consistent reward of outstanding stakeholders and companies demonstrating strong Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) ethics, Amadi tendered. To reach and maintain international levels of visual appeal and intellectual substance associated with established foreign comics Asterix and Obelix, Archie, Tiger, Tintin, Roy of the Rovers, Marvel Comics, DC Comics and Supa Strikas, the Nigerian comic industry must breed healthy competition in all facets.

Few factors will better stimulate progress in the industry than co-operation, thought Okonkwo. “No one wants to collaborate. Instead of individuality and ‘my thing’, it is better to form organisations of 10 to 20 people as you have in America.”

No stranger to the concept of collaboration, Jide Olusanya thought the comic industry had improved over the years. An artist with experience covering Literamed’s Cowrie Comics, Imperial Studios’ Dark Edge publication and Indomie’s The Indomitables, his mantra of “the best way to get rich is to enrich others as well” appears credible.

Success transcends substance and style, all agreed. As proven abroad, movies, television series, newspaper strip cartoons, computer games, toys and other lucrative spin-offs trail successful comic characters. Significantly, contemporary Nigerian comics share an intellectual trend capable of fetching and sustaining sponsorship from corporate bodies.

By creating an avenue where artists share ideas for the growth of Nigerian arts and culture, Dufil hoped that Nigerian comic arts would thrive and “become a flourishing sector that will help educate and build the younger generation into success stories”, noted its Public Relations Manager, Tope Ashiwaju.

Pioneer of the comic conference and one of its organisers, Ayodele Elegba, commended the sponsor’s contribution to the growth of comics and training of people in various fields such as graphic designs, cinematography, and creative writing.

Four women share their stories of sacrifice, deprivation, pain and loss in their adventures of love gone sour after their spouses left them in wait, to seek greener pastures in foreign lands. They spoke with Gboyega Alaka

SHERIFAH is in her early forties and has been married for 20 years. By Nigerian standards, Sherifah married quite early, having met and married her heartthrob, Hakeem at 21. In all intent and purpose, they looked set for a blissful married life, especially as both were employed. It didn’t really matter that the jobs weren’t so lucrative, as they lived in a two-room apartment in Itire area of Surulere, Lagos and coped quite well financially. Within a spate of two years, they had two children – a boy and a girl; and knew it was a matter of time before a third came. The challenges of parenthood however meant that they also had begun to face the harsher realities of adult life, plus, Hakeem suddenly began to face difficulties at workplace- he had to change job twice in one year. Unfortunately, their landlord didn’t seem to reckon with his momentary challenge, as he suddenly developed into an Oliver Twist and began increasing the rent indiscriminately.

This was also in the late 1990s when the economy bit very hard and opportunities came few and far between. Virtually every youth toyed with the idea of traveling to Europe or America for the proverbial greener pasture, and Hakeem’s circle of friends were not left out of this momentary crave. In no time, he also began to give it serious thought. The desire heightened when one of them got an American visa, travelled and soon began sending cars and several other things considered luxurious home to his wife and friends. His wife also suddenly became the star amongst their pack of wives. In no time, Hakeem also became obsessed with the idea of traveling out of the country. His wife of three years quickly bought into it and they agreed to stake all they had for a European visa.

Sherifah recalled that the idea was for their betterment. “At that time, it had become the order of the day, and the fortune of everyone we knew who travelled at the time literally transformed overnight; hence I saw no reason not to support the idea. Besides, I was aware of the sacrifice this would require of me, and I was willing and ready to give it all the way.”

But if only she knew. If only she knew that even the streets of Europe are not paved with gold, and that life is about different strokes of fortune for different people. Sherifah’s husband left the shores of Nigeria 17 years ago for Belgium with high hopes and a promise to make arrangements for her and the kids to join him in no distant future, but till date, that has remained a pipe dream. Both have not set eyes on each other, let alone feel each other in flesh and blood – except on Skype video conversations, video recordings sent home through friends and family, and of course, phone calls, emails and the social media. Their 17-year old daughter, Bimpe, who arrived just before Hakeem traveled, has never set eyes on her father  at least not in the cognitive sense of it. Sherifah recalls how she would always retort to her father during his regular phone calls that, “But daddy, I don’t know you o. When are you going to come home?”

Sometimes, Sherifah says her husband would try to play the adult prank by telling her that he’d be coming home in December, to which the now mature girl would reply that “You tell me that every year. Is it that you don’t have money to pay for your flight?”

The reality is that her father had travelled to Europe on a six-month visa, which he contravened by not leaving that country before it expired. By this, he has lived in Belgium as an illegal immigrant for all these years and would not be able to return if he as much as leave the shores of that country. To make matters worse, Sherifah said Hakeem recently took another wife, and it just seems like all the sacrifices she has made over the years are in vain.

On how it feels, living so far away from her husband for 17 years, Sherifah says “I bet you don’t want to experience it, not especially if you are a woman. If I knew it was going to be such an unending journey that will deny me the emotional benefits of marriage, do you think I would have supported the idea? At least it wasn’t as if we were starving or really desperate, we just thought it alright for him to go and achieve some better life that would benefit us all.”

Asked if she feels any kind of sense of loss, she said “definitely.” In her words, “In as much as we all agree that sex is not love, and despite the fact that we women always say that sex is not food, it certainly has its role in a woman’s life. The fact that women are naturally wired to restrain themselves does not mean that we would ordinarily want to stay away from it for upward of one year, not to talk of 17 whole years. Although it may be hard to prove, the truth is, I have not slept with another man, since he travelled. I have been keeping myself for him, hoping that he would someday come home or I will one day be given visa to go and live with him in Belgium.”

Sherifah is one of those women who cannot offer their body another man. She said it is for this reason that she felt a deep sense of loss, when she suddenly learnt that Hakeem has taken another wife and even started raising children by her. For her, that news was a back-breaker, as it made a big mess of all her sacrifices.  Worse still, her husband secretly arranged for a secret wedding at the other woman’s family home in Lagos, and sent emissaries from amongst his family members. Yet none of them deemed it fit to tell me.  And yet, this is the same man she had given her all and trusted for so long.

She revealed that a fallout of her sacrifice is the huge problem of fibroid, she now battles. Doctors say it is due to her lack of sex over a long period of time. She also says that it has become so bad that it could result to bleeding at any time of the day, hence she now goes about with her sanitary pads, ready to dash into the nearest house, anytime it starts. Sherifah recalls a particular occasion when she didn’t know she’d started bleeding, until she suddenly realised that people were staring at her. What made it more painful were the remarks she got from some fellow women, who thought it was her regular menstrual flow and castigated her for been so careless.

On the current state of their marriage, Sherifah says, she honestly cannot tell if Hakeem is still married to her, first because he now lives with another woman, who draws his immediate attention and tend to his emotional needs. Second, because he now has two children by the new wife; and third, because their relationship has gone really sour, to the extent that their phone conversations now ends with bitter quarrels and curses.

In all fairness, she says “None of us thought it would take this long. And to be honest, he does his best in terms of family upkeep, sending money home regularly, paying for our new two-bedroom flat in Surulere and paying the children school fees, as and when due.” And she would have continued bearing the emotional pains, and hoping that they would someday reunite to enjoy the fruits of their sacrifice. She also says she would have been more understanding and accept it in good faith if he had married a Belgian citizen, which would have automatically qualified him for citizenship. “At least that would have given him the free pass he needs to come home and go back. But marrying another Nigerian really altered her expectations and made a mince-meat of all my sacrifices.”

Asked if she is now considering going into another relationship, Sherifah says, it is not that easy. “Am I suddenly going to start making passes at men or dressing provocatively to attract them? Besides, people already see me as a married woman and regard me as such.”

Also, she says she would not want to do things that would embarrass her children, who are now grown ups. “My two children are my only compensation. They are the love I have missed and the joy that keeps me going. If God say I will love and be loved again, so be it. I leave everything in his hands.”

Wasted Youth

But if Sherifah’s case was pathetic, Biola’s evokes outright pity, having met her fiancé Tunde in 1989 at 16, got officially engaged to him (in absentia) at 20, and still waiting to get married to him at 41. Looking back, she says her case is such that she wasted the most exciting part of her life, talking about her youth and early adulthood, waiting on a man, whom she now knows is never going to come back to her.  She recalls how quickly they became obsessed with each other and did everything together, to the extent that both their families soon became aware of their relationship. Unlike most parents, her parents willingly allowed them to go on even at that early age, seeing how perfectly they matched.

Says Biola: “Tunde was 19 at the time, from a decent home and clearly had a bright future. Most importantly, he had charm and could sweep anyone of their feet, almost effortlessly. He had just finished secondary school and looked set to either go into the university or travel abroad. His family also warmed up to me, especially his mother. But who wouldn’t? I was pure and fresh like the morning dew, and plump and pretty too. Even when Tunde finally decided to travel abroad and started making paper arrangements, I was with him all the way. My excitement heightened four years after he travelled to Germany, when his family came to officially request my hand in marriage in an elaborate engagement ceremony. Naturally, I assumed it was a matter of months before he came to take me with him.”

Continued Biola, “My excitement however began to dwindle after months turned into years. Hopeful and still trusting, I continued going to spend weekends with his family and playing the wife role to my in-laws as best as I could, until stories started flying around that Tunde had married a white woman and had indeed started having children by her. This was seven years after he had travelled, and three years after our engagement.”

She recalls that her suspicion heightened soon after, when she began to notice the furtive looks from his family members and how they suddenly fell silent or short of words each time she appeared. Soon it became unbearable and Biola said she confronted his sisters and cousins about this rumour. But none of them confirmed nor admitted anything. Finally, she summoned courage and asked Tunde’s mum, whom she admits never stopped showering her with love, and she out-rightly denied it, saying ‘You are the wife I know. Who’s feeding you with this terrible news?”

It wasn’t until a little over six years ago that she finally confirmed that all she’d been hearing was actually true. And where else but on facebook, where she bumped into a picnic picture of Tunde and his German wife and kids in the album of a friend of Tunde’s, whom she had connected through another friend. “Let me not lie to you, my whole world collapsed the day I finally confirmed this terrible news. Before then, He had been telling me that he was not on facebook. Of course, I’d confronted him with my fears since I first began nursing them, but like his mother, he’d been denying it and calls me regularly to assure me that he’d soon be coming home to take me with him.”

Asked why she thought Tunde and his family led her on for so long, Biola said, “I really cannot tell. Probably because he genuinely loved me and hoped to come back for me in time. Or maybe… I really don’t know!” She broke off in frustration, tears welling in her eyes.

“And to think that a lot of people warned me not to shut my heart to all other suitors. At a time, I actually tried dating another gentleman, but my parents out-rightly refused to encourage or give him any consideration. To them I was as good as married, and like the saying goes in Yoruba land, “You do not know the husband of your daughter and still entertain his other lover.”

She revealed that even she didn’t help her case, as she had in the earlier days when things were rosy, seized every opportunity to announce to every man who as much as showed interest in her, that she was betrothed. And so it was that most of the eligible men, who crossed her path, simply passed her by. At the moment, she has relocated to her aunt’s place in a totally different part of Lagos, hoping to attract new interests, and pick the pieces of her life.

Chinasa’s story somehow has a positive side to it. After being stringed along for ten years, she took the bold step and got married to another man, whom she now considers a ‘much better man.’ But she vows vehemently that she would never support any bloody ‘American or European suitor’ for any of her daughters, family or friend, except if they are here to stay or have authentic papers that grant them the right to travel in and out of their adopted country, or even take their wife along.  “If you want to marry, then stay married. Who says that people who get married and settle in Nigeria do not have a life or future? Why must you get engaged or married to a lady in Nigeria and then take off to some ‘God-forsaken country’ all in the name of travelling abroad? My current husband lives and works in Nigeria, to the glory of God, he is now a top manager in a bank and earns over N400,000 monthly. He has also been able to set me up in my private business, and we are living a comfortable life.”

“To me, getting married and then taking off to Europe or America without your wife for years, is like tying down the woman. You are not available to play the role of a husband to her, yet you have made it impossible for her to open up to other men.”

When reminded that these men usually send money home for the upkeep of their wives, she retorted angrily that “Is it all about money? What about the emotional part? Who told you that a grown up woman does not need good sex. Or are you going to tell me that the man will go without sex even for one year? I know what I am saying because I have experienced it. We weren’t married, but engaged, and yet people expected me to go celibate. So after five years of promises, I loosened up and started accepting dates. It was in the course of that that I met my husband today, for whom I now have three beautiful kids. I later learnt that my former fiancé had also been married and that even his first daughter, born to him by some white lady is older than my first daughter.”

Another victim of absentee husband is Shalewa, who is currently battling her in-laws over allegations of unfaithfulness and promiscuity. Even though she refused to give an interview, even under a pseudonym, she nevertheless tells this reporter the background of her relationship. She got married to him when he came home for three months about seven years ago. Within that short time, she got pregnant, and so it didn’t matter to her that he had travelled back to Europe. Approximately nine months later, she was delivered of a set of twin boys, and her joy knew no bounds. Luckily, she was also able to supervise and complete their family home on an outskirt of Lagos, where she and the twins now lives with a house-help.

The twins are going to be six in a couple of months, but rather than get commended for her patience and perseverance, Shalewa says she now get negative remarks like “Can you swear that you’ve not been helping yourself?” every time she as much as voiced her displeasure with what she terms as an abandonment. It has become so bad that her mother-in-law no longer visits, yet Shalewa maintains her innocence. She hasn’t as much as dated another man, let alone sleep with one. And she wonders where this rumour is emanating from. As it is, Shalewa says her greatest fear is for these rumour not to get to her husband, as it most likely will create a big crack in their relationship, if not outrightly break it.

Madam Abigail Ebun Sofowote clocked 90 recently. She went down memory lane to talk about her eventful life. Taiwo Abiodun reports. 

She is fair in complexion, and her skin glitters. Her set of white teeth are all intact. She does not use a walking stick to aid her movement (unlike people of her age group). She walked briskly from the staircase. She appeared neat and clean; she seems to believe in the saying that neatness is next to godliness. She radiated happiness. And her brain is still sharp as she exhibited good retentive memory, often quoting dates offhand.

Mama Abigail Ebun Sofowote has just joined the set of nonagenarians. She had seen and heard a lot and full of life experiences. She has been staying in England since 1962.  She told The Nation on Sunday: I live in Stratham, London, I had  been living there since 1962, and during winter I would come to Nigeria and would not go back to the United Kingdom until the winter is over. I celebrated my birthday in London in the Church of England but my children wanted me to do it here too and we celebrated it at Methodist Church, Opebi in Lagos Nigeria.”

Her State of Health

Asked to comment on her state of health and how often she goes to the hospital, she replied: “I hardly go to the hospital. According to her, she had never been admitted in a hospital.  I’m as fit as a fiddle. I only go to the clinic to take some drug for I hardly fall sick and had never been hospitalised. I hardly use reading glasses.” As she said this, she rose from her seat and walked about briskly.

Talking about her state of dentition, she said: “I replaced only three of my teeth with artificial ones in my upper jaw but for the lower jaw all the teeth are mine; they are natural and this is hereditary. My mother was 90 years of age before she died .May be it only two teeth were missing from her mouth .The three  teeth removed from my upper jaw were removed in UK and the last time I went to the Dentist was more than 20 years ago.

Revealing the secret behind her good health, she said: “The problem we have in our society is our environment. If we live in a good environment and watch the type of food we eat, we would hardly fall sick.”

Asked how she feels at her age which many never had the opportunity to attain, Madam Sofowote looked up and said:  “Well, I can’t boast, for it is the grace of God. At times I would be fed up having pains all over my body and would be asking myself, ‘what’s all these?”

She then went on to speak about her background. “I was born in 1924, into Christianity. My grandmother was one of those early converts who received Christ into their lives in Sagamu .That is what made me to be able to stand strong in Christianity. Anytime I fall sick, like having malaria or headache, she would ask me whether Jesus could heal me while I would answer in the affirmative. She would touch my head and pray for me while moving her hand round my forehead. And before you know it, I would have slept off. So that was how I began to have faith in God .My great grandmother was the first Iya Ijo at St Paul’s Anglican Church in Sagamu.”

She claimed her grandmother, Susannah Olukede, was among the first set of early Christians in Shagamu. In her words: “There had never been any home in Sagamu in those days and even now that didn’t practice African traditional religion. My paternal grandfather was an Ifa Priest. My grandmother was from an idol- worshipping home. When these people had accepted Christ, my grandmother one day went to try the efficacy of the power of her mother’s idol. She used some of the idols kept in sacred rooms made of wood as firewood to cook a pot of corn for her mother. When her granny came back home, she ate the corn and nothing happened to her. Later, they revealed the secret of what they did to their mother. And she said they thought the Orisa Nla would deal with her but saw that nothing happened to her.

“However, their granny asked them not to reveal it to anybody. That was how they burnt many of these idols. I still met some remnants of the idols- I met the carved hands, legs and many others .The woman eventually became a follower of Christ. The granny said things were going on well after the destruction of the idols. My mother later converted these to chairs. That was how they converted the woman, my granny to Christ. She became the first Iya Ijo of St Paul in Sagamu and devoted her life in serving God till she died. And since she died in 1926, there was no Iya Ijo until 1940, I even heard the story from outsiders that my granny served the Lord faithfully as she abandoned idol worshipping completely.”

She further went down memory to talk about what she experienced while teaching. “In 1957 I was teaching at Ereko (on Lagos Island), and my last born then was a baby. There was flu and it was hard to see a medical doctor.  I was the health officer in the school so I used to take care of the pupils. The schools had closed down now. The old building had been demolished. Then the flu killed a lot of Nigerians. We didn’t even know its name then. Children were down with flu. My mother-in-law and everybody had it but I did not. I fed my baby and used the spoon to feed myself and that was how I also contracted it. I couldn’t wait till the ninth month as my eight month pregnancy was threatning to come down. I spent 10 days in the hospital and later gave birth to the baby. I was severely affected after delivery. God rescued me that year. For good two years I couldn’t go to work.”

Life in England

She travelled to join her husband in England in 1962. She said she is always amazed seeing herself in United Kingdom as she never thought she would go.” When it was revealed to me on my sick bed I never believed .And when I now went to UK and came back in 1968, I went to the church to do a thanksgiving. Why I doubted was that I was on my sick bed. Is it not the person that is well that will think of traveling? .I never thought of going there.”

She could not do a full time job while in England because she had to take care of her children at home. She learnt computer programming in 1962. It was a team of Americans who came to teach her and the others that participated in the training programme. This was at a time, she said, when people were running away from learning computer programming because they said it would make them become mentally deranged. She was very good in figure works and she worked in the Accounts Department of many organisations in Britain.

Her bad memories

Asked to recount her bad memories, she said the first man she wanted to marry jilted her. They were both teachers teaching in the same school. It was a nasty experience for her, she said. They were young kids who grew up in the same neighbourhood and had been known by many people to be dating. When they told me they saw him at party with another woman and I challenged him, he denied. She said she felt pained by the experience of being jilted. In her words: “He was my childhood love and   a native of my town and he disappointed me. In fact, we were teaching in the same school, we were getting ready to get married, not knowing he would go after another woman. This led to our resignation from the school where we were both teaching and we were given gifts by the school while I was given two tea cups, the man was given a tea pot – for two of us. I took my disappointment in a stoic way.”

Asked if it were today what she could have done, she responded: “What would I do? You will only sue him. But for me where would I get the money to do that? I accepted my fate and destiny. The man’s sister was pained. His father did not know he was going to do a wedding. In fact, he (my fiancé) was tricked and wooed with money or was bought for marriage by the woman he attached himself to. I was already pregnant and had one child for the man. The man died some years ago. Then, anytime he saw me, he used to run away. One day I met him while in a bus in 1950. I went back to teaching till I travelled out in 1962”.

Another episode she could remember was when she was preparing for her 50th birthday in the 1970s. She recalled: “I had earlier received a congratulatory message from  my mother wishing me happy birthday and had prepared to mark it .But somebody called to inform me that my mother had just died When I heard the news, I couldn’t continue my birthday party. The bad news stopped all the activities lined up for my birthday.”

Not yet done, the nonagenarian suddenly became still and cold when she said she lost her last born in England. Wiping her tears from her eyes, her voice cracked and in a shaky voice said “the third and another most painful of all was when my last child, a son who lived in London died in 2009, his death jolted me. He was just 42 years of age. I was 75 years old when he died. I didn’t know how I survived it. He died in 1999 England, he was not sick but I thank God for his friends who said they had to celebrate it.”

Happiest moment

When asked to talk about her happiest moment, she breathed heavily, paused for some seconds and declared: “My happiest moment when I was really glad most was the day I marked my 90th birthday.”

She said he enjoyed her marriage to another man she married after he was jilted by her previous fiancée. She stated: “It was peaceful, we were in love, and he never beat me. I was never been rude to him. Not that we did not disagree but when we went over the issue and we found out the right thing that should be, we would agree again. Unfortunatel,y my husband died so soon. He died at the age of 61.”

Asked whether she ever thought of sex since the death of her husband, her response was quick. “Sex Is nothing to me. The only law in the Bible that God laid down is to have children. When my husband died in 1976, I was 52 years of age. Some of my friends asked me to have another man to keep my company. I said my children were my husband. I did not make myself to be looked at by men. I kept to myself. I faced where ever I was going. It is when you see my face as a cheap person that you would attempt to make a pass at me.

Reflecting on her life so far, she said God has been good to her. She said she was shown by God before it happened that that man that jilted her was not her husband but she did not listen. “Imagine, when the one he ran to marry wanted to deliver, she delivered a female child while I had a baby boy. My eldest child is 69. And I thank God the man I married was in England.”

She still has not forgotten her bad memory , she said “I remember when I was jilted at a younger age , I was shown by God that that man was not my husband but I did not listen , imagine when the one he ran to marry wanted to deliver she delivered a female while I had a baby boy .When they said they saw hi at party with a woman and I asked he denied .Thank God the man I married was in England. Anytime the boy I had for my former husband he would be shivering.The man is dead now .