Couples in the waiting room

On Sunday, a socially-realistic novel, ‘The Waiting Room’, was presented via zoom by Bolatito Adebayo, a journalist and columnist. OLUKOREDE YISHAU peeps into this book, which lays bare infertility, its complications and solutions

 

IT is never a straight line. Fables of all shades surface to explain this precarious situation. Teeth are gnashed, advantages are taken and trust suffers. The society apportions blames in several cases in the wrong direction.

Welcome to the world of women who have walked the path of being unable to get pregnant and carry their babies to full term naturally, not necessarily because of their fault.

Nkechi, Yeni and Tale are three of such women. Tale has had six failed IVFs and is shocked her husband, Kunle, who made her abort a pregnancy over two decades earlier has a five-year-old love child.

Yeni regularly has sex with a stranger in her dreams and fears a spirit husband is behind her inability to have a child of her own.

Nkechi and her husband, Shola, clearly love each other but the absence of a child has affected them. Nkechi is made to believe her sweet mother-in-law is a witch. Eventually, the same mother-in-law funds their IVF journey.

Typical in the cases of the three women is the penchant to blame the women but the truth is, the society gets it wrong most times.

These three women are the main characters of ‘The Waiting Room’, a searing novel by Bolatito Adebayo, a journalist and columnist.

Violence is one angle that this challenge can breed if not properly managed. Shola, for instance, batters Nkechi after the pastor of a church she attends in search of a miracle baby labels her mother-in-law a witch. The next time she meets her mother-in-law after the church service is televised on television, Nkechi finds it difficult to look her in the face.

But the mother-in-law calms her down: “Nkechi, you don’t have to cry. You didn’t call me a witch. I understand. I have been through this myself. I was in the waiting room for 10 years. I didn’t have Temidire, my first child, until after 10 years of marriage.”

She continues: “I have been through hell myself, so I know what it feels like. That is why I never put any pressure on you. You guys have things a lot easier than we did. I had terrible in-laws and I never want anyone to go through half of what they put me through.

As a woman in the waiting room, a lot of dirt will be thrown at you, but you have to be patient and pray for wisdom so that you won’t be pushed into something you will regret. Don’t be too desperate, if you are desperate, these charlatans will exploit you. Don’t worry, you will be fine. You will bear my grandchildren.”

When women find themselves in this tight corner, solace is sought in science, religion and tradition.

Religion is usually the first and the experience is not always good. They do not see medical breakthroughs as miracles. Many make it look as though going to the hospital to find a solution to bareness is anti-Christ. Many a preacher makes it feel like those who seek help in medicine are belittling God. People like Nkechi get so brainwashed they dump all the money meant for IVF into the offering basket.

On page 221, a conversation between Nkechi and Shola paints the sad experience in the hands of fake pastors.

“I am sure that the money I have spent at these fake churches and other places would have covered the cost of two or more IVFs.”

“You learnt some lessons out of it. Having faith is not being dumb. Thank you. Oya stand up, let us go and tell Mommy our decision.”

“Haba, not so fast.”

On page 232, there is another sad experience when Tale, one of the couples trusting God for a child of their own, was almost molested by a pastor.

“But why has God forsaken me?” Tale had cried while with her pastor, who decided to take advantage of her situation. The pastor held her in a warm embrace and was using his hand to stroke the lines of her bra. She pulled herself together and moved away from the pastor who tried to pull her back.

“Sir, I don’t understand what you are doing,” Tale said in surprise.

But the shameless pastor said: “Come off it, Sister Tale, you are very beautifully and wonderfully made.”

Tale asks: “Meaning sir?”

The pastor replies: “That I have always loved you. I can help, you know? My wife has five healthy children, three boys and two girls.”

Tale charges: “Ise èsù rè éo” and scampered towards the door.

But the shameless man of God tries again: “Sister Tale, I only want to assist your husband. You see, as a man of God, my blood woman. I have anointing sister.”

A disappointed Tale shoots back: “Pastor, but I know Mommy very well. She is like a mother to me. I can’t do this with you, not with the kind of anointing you carry.”

To confirm he is crazy, he screams: “Leave that jàre. I will ask for mercy. God will forgive us. Remember David was a man after God’s heart.”

After saying this, he takes a step toward her and she warns: “Please don’t come any closer.”

But that does not stop him from trying one more time: “Just this once and you will have your miracle baby. I am prophesying.”

The pastor’s behaviour makes Tale wonder if all the women who got pregnant in the church were impregnated by the pastor.

The he-goat tries one more time before she dashes out of the office: “C’mon, take a step of faith. You are not the first woman in this church …”

Another role played by these fake pastors is to pitch family members against one another. Because Nkechi has been deceived into believing only the church could help her and that her mother-in-law is behind her ordeal, her mother screams when she tells her the source of the IVF fund: “You told her about it? Ewooo!”

This interesting conversation follows: “Have you forgotten what the prophet said about her?”

“No, Mama. She was the one who suggested it.”

“You are too trusting Nkechi, just because she speaks English, you think she’s not possessed by witchcraft?”

“Mama, she is not a witch. Your prophet is fake. Have you heard what happened to him recently?” “What happened?”

“It was reported in City People that a girl said the prophet paid for a hotel room for her, where he visits her to sleep with her.”

“I heard about that Glory John girl. She be liar. You don’t know all these bad, demonic girls out there.”

“Mama, the prophet knows the girl. He didn’t deny that. Some of the hotel staff said they saw the prophet come to that hotel every night when he was in town.”

“That girl is an ogbanje. She was sent by mammy water to destroy his works. She seduced him.”

“Even if he was seduced, he should tell his church the truth. He should confess and leave the pulpit for some time. Instead he is busy denying it. I have seen the video. Their recorded conversation is now on every phone. That girl is not lying. She is saying the truth.”

“How can he come clean when he didn’t do it? They set the man of God up. We know this plan is from the kingdom of darkness and light will surely overcome.”

“Men of God should admit when they have done wrong.”

“Whether he was seduced or not, the fact remains that he is human and can fall like every other human being. You think it’s easy with all these girls from the queen of the coast, frequenting the church like they came to seek God?”

“But he preached this, Mama, all the time, so he should be above this…”

“There is no one who cannot fall into sin. The most important thing is acknowledging you are a sinner and repenting.”

Science’s role in finding a way out of infertility comes out sparkling in the book.

This conversation on page 220 sheds light on the IVF and how some ignorant men of God dissuade women from following that route:

“IVF can help men with low sperm count, in as much as it is not zero sperm count.”

“But the success rate is really poor, Nkechi. My friend’s wife who had an unsuccessful IVF almost went berserk.”

“That’s true. The failure of assisted reproduction technology on some women can be devastating. That is why couples are usually counselled, to prepare them to face the uncertainty and disappointment related to a failed IVF cycle. But I feel very positive that I am going to be among the successful ones.”

“I pray so.”

“Since Mommy is going to pay for this, we should save up for the next one, because couples are advised to prepare for at least two cycles to achieve success. I am really positive about this.”

“Woman, you have suddenly become a professor of IVF.”

“I would have suggested this to you a long time I was misled by a sermon I heard from a pastor. I was secretly saving for it and my older sister sent me part of the money. But the preacher made me change.”

“You and your legion of pastors…”

In the end, Nkechi, Yeni and Tale are helped by IVF to have their children, but one of them chooses what the author describes as traditional IVF and the twins given to her in the Port Harcourt home where she is supposedly delivered of the babies have no semblance with her or her husband.

Though the main theme of this book is infertility, there are sub-themes, such as infidelity, religious fanaticism, religious deceit, tribal suspicion, spiritual marriage and so on.

Written in an easy-to-grasp style and diction, Mrs Adebayo has written an irresistible book, whose page-turning capacity shrinks its size. It is a luminous tale that can resonate with almost everyone.

Mrs Adebayo’s sweeping tale of these three couples shows depth and a clear understanding of infertility and the way to get out of it.

It is a mesmerising and important book which should be widely read by all, especially couples who are waiting to have their children.