DEAR Harriet, I am one of your greatest fans. I look forward to The Nation newspaper every Saturday. Thanks a lot for helping relationships with your counselling.
I recently turned 50.To my greatest surprise, my darling husband came with a surprise gift with a note attached, saying that he wants us to spice up our sex life.
I am grateful for all that he did on my birthday. My husband is really my soulmate and we love each other very much, but with this note, I am worried. To tell you the honest truth, I am a bit reluctant when it comes to sex.
Could it be my age or that our sex life has turned boring suddenly? If so, what should I do? Thanks.
Name withheld. Lagos
Happy birthday! 50 years on earth is not a joke. That God gave you the grace is worth celebrating. May God continue to bless you and your family.
We are grateful that you gave us the permission to publish your story without mentioning your name. Thanks a lot.
This article is for the matured minds. I offer my apology because I know I have a lot of youths who read my column.
It is the story of people like you that help others in similar situations.
Based on the above, it is clear that you married your best friend, and that there is love between you and your husband. Love conquers all odds in marriage. It is out of love that spouses open up their hearts to each other without any hard feelings.
Yes, you are worried because questions like: Why did he choose to say such a thing on my birthday that I am supposed to be celebrating? Has he been nursing this thought all the while? Or is our intimacy so bad? The kind of relationship that exists between you and your husband goes to show that his question is in good faith. Women who are married to men that speak their minds freely, especially when it comes to matters of the heart in marriage should be grateful to God. Some men have gone astray by keeping quiet. Be glad that your husband called your attention to a special aspect in marriage that is breaking homes today. Asking for improvement is really not a bad idea. . Instead of getting worried or feeling insulted, see it as a reminder to re-examine the bedroom status quo. Moreover, that he still wants you at 50 is a thing of joy. Like the saying goes, life starts at 50, so embrace the idea with him and work at it. Age is in the mind, so work on the way you see yourself, feel young and not old.
Your perception about yourself is what will play out when you are in bed with your husband. Sex is meant for couples. So, flow with your husband. There are some useful tips to help your situation. To spice up your marriage does not necessary mean that there is no romance in the marriage. It is a way of adding or bringing back excitement in the marriage. The initial step is work on your mood. Your state of mind will definitely affect your performance in bed. If at the back of your mind you see the act of intimacy with your husband as a bother, then you will be reluctant to show any affection. Learn to relax your mind without worries. Have a free heart to discuss whatever is bothering you with your spouse because when you have unsolved issues, they can affect your mood, and, for some women, the older they are, the moodier they become because of the hormonal changes. You can work on it. Another way to spice up your intimacy in marriage is to learn to adopt the teasing attitude. This is one of the best avenues to steer up your sexual relationship, and romance is the major factor in this aspect. A lot of couples have kicked out good romance out of their marriage windows. Share compliment should also be put into action. Couples should learn to compliment each other. It doesn’t matter your age. Tell your spouses how great they look with or without clothes on. Learn to be nice to each other, not just at bedtime,but from the beginning of the day. Make it a habit to treat each other with respect, love and care. This helps to improve your level of intimacy with your spouse. Next step is to get connected. Nothing is sexier than reigniting the chemistry between couples. Remind each other some of the aspects that made you fall in love with him or her with eye contact full of appreciation, and the sexual spark of your marriage will be reignited. In addition, learn to be spontaneous. Couples should try to do something unexpected. For example, send your spouse a nice text message. Take your spouse out for a meal. Get him or her something. The thought is what matters, not the amount spent. Who says you cannot look or feel sexy ladies. Get out of your comfort zone outfit and wear something sexy which will make you irresistible. Surprise each other once in a while. Furthermore, schedule time together. You plan everything else that is important. After all, you got married to your spouse because you loved each other. Time alone together was important when you were dating. Therefore, it is just as vital now that you are married.
Finally, make sex a priority. As I mentioned earlier, adjust your mindset; understand that sex is for both of you. It is a great way to reduce stress, feel closer to each other and even get a good night’s sleep which you need.
Harriet ogbobine is a counselor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj