Tag: Abiodun

It has been 10 years since the cold hands of death took my beloved wife away and there is no way life can be the same. Marriages are made in heaven; this from my experience is the truth. I met the young lady who later became my wife in a multitude of people at Apapa Port when I and other members of my family went to welcome one of my brothers who was returning from the United Kingdom in 1963. As soon as I saw Abiodun something told me she was going to be my wife. I was a very shy person when I was young and in my generation boys and girls were educated apart unlike what operates today. Most of us boys were indoctrinated to feel that it was unethical and a waste of precious time that should be devoted to our academic work for young boys in secondary school to begin to fantasise about girls. So young people in my generation were rather shy and uncomfortable with girls. Unless it was absolutely necessary we did not relate with people of the opposite sex and when we did, it was most of the time adversarial. We also felt that only bad boys had girlfriends at least at secondary school level and somehow most of my classmates in Christ’s School Ado-Ekiti who had girlfriends did not do well either because they wasted precious time writing love letters instead of studying or they were just not smart enough.

So even as a university student and at 21, we were still quite shy and uncomfortable in the company of ladies. So when I met the young lady who was to be my wife, I had to summon up courage to approach her. Her initial response was to say no and to put obstacles in the way of the relationship but I knew she was going to be my wife and the Almighty approved and six years later I married her. She brought a lot of joy to my life and also gave me four children, three girls and a boy all doing well in the profession of Medicine, Engineering, Psychology and Banking.

The purpose of marriage from my own experience is three fold namely for procreation, and without sex there can be no procreation and thirdly for companionship in that order. When one is old the children will go away and have their own families, the desire for sex will wane and what would be left is companionship. This is the divine order because when God created Eve, he told Adam that he was giving him a helpmate. A helpmate is also probably the same thing as a companion. Someone who complements another person is a helpmate. The bible also says that a man shall leave his family and shall be joined to his wife and both of them shall become one. When a man loses his wife or when a woman loses her husband, half of the person is gone and the one that is left is like an eagle that is flying with one wing. It will certainly not be able to fly high and it may not be able to feed itself; what it will be able to do is continue to soldier on. This is the nature of things. No couple no matter how much they love each other will pray that they should die together. But it is usually easier for the woman to survive the man than the other way round. Who can query God? God in His omnipotence does whatever He wants to do and His decision is final.

It is very hard to live alone especially when you have lived with someone for over 30 years and it does not make sense to me to want to start all over again with another person. Somehow one gets used to loneliness and being alone. What has helped me all these years since my wife’s transition is to bury myself in my work. But then no one can work for 24 hours, one still has to go to bed and sleep at night and then it hits you when it seems you are holding somebody but then you wake up and there is nobody and it is just in your mind. There is immortality of the soul no doubt and one knows even if one is not a Christian that the soul never perishes. But as a Christian, I believe my wife is in another realm and that all the pains of this life can no longer touch her but she will always continue to live in her children and grandchildren and in the love that I had for her and I still have for her.

Diamonds are forever and love is imperishable. There is a sobering thought in all these that all men and all women have their appointed time. My wife was only 54 years old when she passed on. The consolation is that she had accomplished her mission. She was an ordained Pastor of the Redeemed Christian Church of God and had founded two parishes one in Europe and one in Nigeria and she has been engaged in the labour of love for God and man and God never forgets and my prayer is that she will have her just reward before God Almighty.

Life for me has been full of ups and downs since her demise, more downs than ups but I have kept on in spite of the vicissitude of life because I have faith that my mission on earth will be accomplished. This piece is written to solicit prayers by all those who read it and to give comfort to all those who may be in the same position with me that all will be well. If Biodun had lived, she would have been growing old gracefully along her grey headed husband sharing with me my ups and downs. Finding someone to share your inner feelings, fears and hopes of the future and your children and children’s future is the big absence in my life. But the memories of what we shared, the laughter and the joys of husband and wife would linger in my mind until the end and until the heavenly divide separating me and my wife is eventually lifted as it is the lot of all humanity. It is well.