It’s over one year since Toba Falode, son of ace sports broadcaster, Aisha Falode died in mysterious circumstance in far away Dubai, but the ripples have yet to go still, as his elder sister, Tolu prepares to lunch a book in his memory come May 19, his birthday. She spoke on the book and her relationship with her late brother with Gboyega Alaka.
You’ve written a book to honour your late brother, Toba; tell us about it.
The book was inspired by my brother, Toba Falode aka Tyler Hendricks. He has inspired my story from the moment he died. So the book was inspired by him. He was a very dutiful, ambitious, charming, determined, sociable young man, who unfortunately had no chance to live his life. So in a way, I hope I can give life to his story, even though he didn’t have a chance to tell it himself.
Where were you when he died?
I was in school in Dublin. My brother and I were extremely close, such that we didn’t need words to communicate. We understood each other that well. I could simply tell what he was going to say by looking at him and likewise him. We couldn’t go more than two weeks without speaking. After literally 14 days, I would call my brother and just talk about anything. And he’d say ‘Why don’t you just say that you missed me?’ And I would laugh and tell him to leave me alone. That was the nature of our relationship. He was always teasing me; very mischievous and I loved him very deeply. I called him literally two days before he died, because I missed him. But he wasn’t answering, so I kept calling and calling. And the thing is he only answered me at his convenience, which I found very annoying. But we loved each other nevertheless. So when he eventually answered, he assumed that something was wrong. He said, ‘Are you ok? Is everything cool?’ And I said ‘I missed you; why were you not picking my call? And then he said ‘Sorry.’ And whenever Toba apologised I just forgave him. I could never hold anything against him. So we spoke for a bit, and the next thing I heard…. he was dead.
How did you learn about his death?
One of my very close friends, Ore kept calling me. It was around 10 am, and I’m not a morning person, so I didn’t pick her calls. I was sleeping because I was out late in the night. And she knew more than anyone else that I’m not an early morning person. So eventually I answered her call and she told me she was at my apartment block, which I thought that was very strange. So I went to open the door and behold she was with her mother, which I thought was more curious and unusual. Immediately, I knew something was wrong, because a couple of years earlier, we had lost an uncle, Brother Shuaib, and Brother Shuaib was like a father figure to my brother and I. We were all extremely close to him. In fact my brother was closer to him, than I was. He actually inspired my decision to study Law, because he was a law student. So I knew something was wrong; that somebody had passed, because the circumstances were similar to that occasion when Brother Shuaib passed on, and I started panicking. I tried to get my friend to talk. My heart started palpitating and mind was racing. How would I tell Toba? How would I protect Toba? How was I going to get us through this? Because I immediately assumed it was my mother. I couldn’t imagine that death would come so confidently into my home, without it being my mother. So when they said, Toba, I literally felt a crack in my spirit. It was like a strike to my system that I wasn’t able to digest properly.
How did you cope with the reality, considering that you never imagined a future without him?
I didn’t. Mostly, I was fighting for my mental stability. I was very depressed, to the extent that I wasn’t able to digest it mentally. And during that time, I assumed that my mum was going through a worse situation emotionally, yet somebody had to go to Dubai to get my brother. My extended family and friends were already making plans to go and get him, but I knew my brother would expect that my mum or myself would come and get him. So I went to Dubai, along with some members of our extended family and friends to identify him; went through the process of hearing that he was murdered and claimed his corpse. So really, I couldn’t think past the immediate moment. The future was just too much to contemplate.
One year after, how does the future look?
Well, now, it has become more palatable, in the sense that before, I couldn’t start thinking about the future without feeling some emotional distress. At least now I’m able to think straight. He has inspired who I have become. So in a way, he lives through my own story. If this didn’t happen, I probably wouldn’t have discovered who I was as a person. He was so much a part of me that in his death, he has brought out even more of me. I suddenly found myself representing him and myself; being more courageous, more vocal; suddenly, I’ve just grown up.
Tell us more about this book.
The book is titled ‘Gift of Grace, A Sibling Bond.’ It is a book dedicated to my brother. The release date is May 19, which is his birthday. He would have been 21 this year, and I wanted to honour him as much as possible. He inspired the story because he never had the chance to tell his own. And he was so full of life that I didn’t think it was possible for him to be dead. He was so bubbly and lived every moment. He wanted to be a musician. He wasn’t one of those people who are like I want to do music, but let me first go to school, study and make some money before pursuing music. No, he just said ‘I want to do music; I’m going to do music.’ He was very courageous and had no fears about following his dreams. He just figured everything would work out. And I admired and respected him a lot for that. But he died prematurely before he even had the chance to start living. And my love for him just came to the fore, so I just started writing.
Did you have a calculated story or you just started pouring out your emotions?
I didn’t have any calculated story. It was in fact an accident because by this time last year, I wasn’t aware this would be my story this year. So it wasn’t a conscious effort. I was still very lost and I was just writing to deal with the tragedy that had befallen us as a family. I read some stories I’d written to my mum. I’m not sure if it helped her, but I’m sure it comforted her to a level. At a point, she just said, ‘You know what? You can put that in a book.’ And I discovered that I actually had well over a hundred pages. And I was like, ‘Okay, I really have enough material for a book.’ So I kept writing anyway, but now with the notion that I was writing a book.
Are you saying that readers shouldn’t expect a well-structured book?
It is well-structured, in the sense that it is divided into sections. It tells my story and by extension, my brother’s story and my family’s story and it probes into my faith and grace in Christ. And how I discovered my faith and became a strong Christian after his passing. To learn more about this book, people can visit Tolu Falode: Gift of Grace on facebook; @tolufalode on twitter, fantheflame on instagram and the-flame-of-faith.blogspot.com
