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Tag: AISHA FALODE

Dubai…Like Falode, like Alamieyeseigha

Dubai is a beautiful city in the United Arab Emirate (UAE). It is a place many Nigerians have visited and many are still planning to visit. But for some Nigerians, such as ace broadcaster Aisha Falode and former Bayelsa State Governor Diepreye Alamieyeseigha, who have lost sons in the city, it evokes bad memories

It has been some eight months since she lost her son in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Ace broadcaster and sports journalist Aisha Falode has also returned to work doing what she knows best. But the pain of losing her son Toba in Dubai is one that will not go away permanently. There is no doubt that the death at the weekend of the son of former Bayelsa State Governor Diepreye Alamieyeseigha will bring back the memories of Toba’s death to Mrs Falode.

Toba was brutishly killed on February 15. Initial reports indicated that Tyler as Toba was also known was involved in a car accident. Unconvinced, Mrs Falode and her lawyer Festus Keyamo went to Dubai where they discovered the truth was not told about Toba’s death. Their findings revealed that the 19-year-old aspiring rapper was pushed to his death from the multi-storeyed Manchester Tower in Dubai.

It was discovered that a Saudi billionaire’s son, Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser, pushed Toba to his death from the high rise after an argument. Mrs. Falode has got the National Assembly to help her in the mission to get justice.

In a piece, Mrs Falode cursed her son’s killer. She wrote: “Death came so close to me I can still feel its hot breath down my spine. Yet I see how helpless it has become for it cannot strike the same victim twice. Death is so uncanny, it takes a soul but it knows that the soul goes back to the Maker in peace, yet he is lucky because the person who wore its cloak, the person who struck the blow, the person who took breath which does not belong to him, becomes its victim.

‘’I say this today, my son’s killer/s you have become the victim. Death has deceived you and is now sneering at you. You are in your own hell, a living hell, hades of which will be immersed in you for the rest of your life.

‘’Toba Falode aka Tyler Fray would have been alive today, breathing, laughing, writing songs about life and oppression, songs about people like you, evil people who think they can oppress, suppress and kill just because they can, but he is not for he rests in the bosom of the Almighty his creator. You Killer had no right taking his life because you did not give it.

‘’The Avenger of Death is forever lurking behind you and one day, very soon and sooner than you can imagine, you will pay for your crime and your sins.

‘’Killer, the sister’s heart you wrenched by taking her brother and confidant, the family you brought despair and misery on, the friends you left crippled with excruciating pain and I though drenched in sorrow by your inhumane callousness, know in my heart that the Avenger is upon you.

‘’You have challenged the Almighty God by taking a life He created by breaking His commandment that thou shall not kill. Then like a wicked unrepentant soul, you walk the streets as if nothing happened? Believing in your ignorance that the one who created ears cannot hear and the one who created eyes cannot see.

‘’How did you kill him? why did you kill him? Oh, lest I forget you, the witness, an accessory to murder. Only God knows what pushes you to soil your hands with innocent blood by remaining silent and protecting a killer from a most foul and heinous crime while the image of Tyler’s dead body haunts you at night, you said you wish you could have done more at the time of his death. Yes you can. Speak up and free yourself from the insanity creeping up on you and the long stretch of dark miserable years ahead, how did Tyler Fray die?’’

‘’Hear the sound of the footstep of the long arms of the law looming over you like the sun covers the earth.

‘’The Avenger is upon you like the waves of the Ocean smashing against the rock there is no escape for God is a just God. I know Toba is in heaven and that gives me peace. … What kind of peace can a killer give his mother?”

In an interview, she gave further insight on the matter. Her words: “I got a call from one of the security men in the apartment at about 3.05am Nigerian time on a Saturday morning which was February 15. I remember the time vividly because I had just gone to use the bathroom and I was going to lie down when the phone rang; it was by the side of my bed. I picked it up and I saw it was a Dubai number. I panicked because I knew this couldn’t be good at this time of the night. But it was not my son’s number, so I picked it and I could hear a lot of commotion at the background and the voice said, ‘Madam this is your son’s friend ah…ah’ and the line went off. I tried to call the line back frantically and he was not picking. At a time, I could no longer get the number. I had been with my son in Dubai during the New Year. I know he had friends and that if anyone would know what happened, it would be his friends and I had the boy’s number. So I called the boy. He answered me.

“I asked him what happened to Tyler and he just told me casually that ‘I’m sorry, he passed on.’ He said he fell from the balcony, argh! So, I said where is he now? Being alone at home, I needed to be focused on this news that I was hearing. I asked where he is now and he said I am here with him and I said where is here and he said in his apartment, waiting for the ambulance. I said who else is there with you and he said I am with him by myself. I said you know what? When the ambulance comes, tell them not to move him. I’m going to start calling pastors to start praying for my son right now. My son cannot die. And you, start praying for your friend. He said ‘that is what I am doing ma’. I called his phone, at a point when I was trying frantically to reach anyone. I was calling my son’s line and it was switched off. But at a point it was now ringing and I said his phone is ringing, he said ‘Yes ma, it is me. His battery had run down and I just plugged it so I can get some numbers to call from it’. I kept calling back and said ‘Okay, maybe he fell on the balcony and not that he fell down from the balcony. If he fell from the balcony, how are you telling me you are here with him in the apartment?’ These are questions need to be answered when the time comes.

“How did he die? I need to know how he died. When the family members went to bring his body home, the police gave them what they called a preliminary report of their investigation. And the preliminary report was that my son was sitting on the railing of the balcony of his apartment and that he was swinging back and forth.

“He was with this British girl whom they referred to as his girlfriend on the balcony and that the British girl had warned him to come down and left him there when he wouldn’t listen and went back into the apartment and she came back later to find that my son wasn’t there anymore and that was when she came back to announce that he had fallen, therefore when my son fell, he was alone on the balcony and they put the cause of death as a fall from a great height and the impact; and that because he had alcohol in his system, it could have contributed to the fall. And that since the other five people in the apartment gave the same account of events, they didn’t think there was any need to do any further investigation. So they put the cause of death as fall from a great height. But as a mother who knows this apartment so well, I started thinking, that something was not right there; there is no way you can even sit on that railing, let alone swing back and forth, so I told the family members that went to take his body back they should demand from the police, the full investigative report that will tell us exactly what the witnesses said. The interrogation, the medical report and the forensic report, we needed everything. They said we cannot ask for it as individual and we have to ask from the embassy. We wrote through the embassy before they left Dubai and the only day they replied was just last week.”

Now, Alamieyeseigha is also asking questions about what happened. Will he get the right answers? Time will tell.

October 14, 2014
Falode’s son: Govt orders further probe

The Federal Government has directed the Nigerian EMbassy in Abu Dhabi, the United Arab Emirate (UAE) to further investigate the circumstances surrounding the death of Mr. Oluwadamilola Oloruntoba Falode, son of TV broadcaster, Mrs Aisha Falode.

This followed the disatisfaction expressed by the family of the deceased.

Permanent Secretary of the Foreign Ministry Ambassador Martin Uhomoibhi stated this yesterday in Abuja.

He assured the family that the Embassy would continue to engage the Dubai authorities with utmost professionalism and in a diplomatic manner mindful of the cordial bilateral relationships which exists between the two nations.

“Government is acutely aware of the pains and grief the family of the late Mr. Falode is going through at this time. We share in this grief and join in praying for the repose of the soul of the departed,” Uhomoibhi said.

He explained that in March, the Nigerian Mission had requested for a full report from the local police authorities through the normal diplomatic channel, the host Ministry of Foreign Affairs.

“In response by the 8th of April, 2014, the host Ministry of Foreign Affairs obliged, enclosing copies of the police report and the forensic medical report. These were promptly made available to the family of the deceased,” he said.

Uhomoibhi also said the Mission, from the beginning had intervened appropriately with local authorities in fulfilment of its consular responsibilities including issurance of all documents for the repatriation of Mr. Falode’s remains.

May 27, 2014
For Aisha Falode, my heart bleeds

Listening to ace sportscaster and member of CAF Media Committee, Aisha Falode recount how her late 19 year old son, Oluwadamilola Oloruntoba Falode – a student of Audio Production at the SAE Institute in Dubai, United Arab Emirate died penultimate Tuesday on Channels TV made my heart bleed. You could feel the agony and pulse of an aggrieved mother who single handedly raised a promising son who was cut in his prime. How do you console such a mother and widow whose only son was brutally taken from her? That was why this distraught mother went public with her grief to try and find answers to how and what led to her son’s death.

I watched this lady who always looks strong and confident on the screen break down while giving a summary of the private investigations she carried out which questioned the preliminary investigations carried out by the Dubai police on the issue.

She used the press briefing to appeal to the Federal Government to prevail on Dubai government to reopen the investigation and provide justice over the death of her son who she said was allegedly murdered by one by Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser, a Saudi national

She alleged that there was a plot by the Dubai Police authorities to cover up the murder of his son, adding that they said he fell from the balcony of his 17th floor (Apartment 1703) in Manchester Towers, Dubai Marina, Dubai, on Saturday February, 15, 2014.

Let’s listen to her story: ”We (She, her family lawyer Festus Keyamo, and a family member), travelled to Dubai in April and met with some of my son’s friends who were present in the apartment on that fateful day. They confirmed that there were five other people with him at the time of his death, four boys and one girl, a Nigerian, a French-Canadian national, a South African and a Saudi national. The girl is British.”

She continued: “They reported that close to the time of the incident, Toba was on the balcony of his flat with his alleged girlfriend and that Toba was sitting on the rail of his balcony with his feet off the floor and that he was swinging backward and forward.”

The crux of the matter and what fueled her suspicion with the narrative she was told was that the summary accounts given by the deceased’s friends were at variance from what the police reported. According to her, Police reported that his girlfriend was still there with him, warning him to be careful. She later went inside the flat and shortly after, they noticed that Toba was no longer sitting on the railings or on the balcony and must have fallen down from the balcony railings.

So why is she soliciting the assistance of the Federal Government? “My (Falode’s) findings revealed that Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser’s father is a major investor in Dubai and so Dubai authorities would do anything to protect the boy because of his father’s investments,” That is her deductions. Without probing deeper, it won’t be difficult to find out why her submission – if true – may go nowhere without the government’s support. Dubai is a police state where private prosecution is not allowed except carried out by state actors. But in a climate where finance and economics plays a crucial role, this may be an uphill task, nonetheless; I strongly believe the government should approach the Dubai authorities to re-open the case.

She concluded: “I am appealing to my government that I have done much more than I should do as a grieving mother who was left with no option but to start investigating my own son’s murder myself. I implore the Nigerian government to prevail on the authorities in Dubai to re-open the investigation into the murder of my son Toba Falode and bring to book Mr. Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser and Miss Olivia Melanie Richards Evans both of whom murdered him in cold blood.”

This is one death too many and there appears to be a similar thread connecting ‘Toba’s death with the death of other Nigerian students in other parts of the world. On July 13, 2013, a 20 year old Cyprus based Nigerian student, Gabriel Soriwei, then a first year student of Electrical/Electronic Engineering at the Cyprus International University, CIU, Nicosia, was allegedly knocked down by a female driver. He went into a coma and eventually died on September 7, 2013.

It was widely reported back then how five days after his demise; the university authorities flew his remains back to Nigeria just like a parcel, unaccompanied. “Cyprus International University authorities did not deem it fit to even send us a letter of condolence,” an uncle to the deceased, Fidelis Soriwei, lamented back then. He alleged that the police in Cyprus did not even deem it fit to disclose the identity of the woman that killed their son “and even the dollars in his account was withdrawn with his ATM card that was in police custody. This shows how corrupt the police in Cyprus are.” He painfully added.

In January of this year, the Soriwei family protested the ‘nonchalant’ manner the Cypriot government is handling his death. The family’s protest was strategically staged during a preparatory seminar organised by the university for prospective students at Rockview Hotel, Abuja.

It has become the norm now for all manner of “education fairs” to be held- almost on a weekly basis – because of the collapse of our educational system. Yet the government and other stakeholders believe the solution is to “go abroad”- even if it is a mushroom institution – and get a certificate at all cost.

This development even prompted the Chairman, House of Representatives Committee on Diaspora Affairs, Abike Dabiri-Erewa to caution Nigerian students against applying to the Cyprus International University, Nicosia, North Cyprus, for studies, saying the institution is not safe.

Still on the same trail, the Governor of Lagos State, Babatunde Fashola told students of Lagos State University (LASU) in March that he had e-mailed the Ghanaian Parliament, requesting it to investigate the killing of a Nigerian student in that country. Fashola’s intervention followed the killing of Godwin Ayogu, a 300-level student of the University of Cape Coast whose body was dumped by the roadside.

Another Nigerian from Ekiti State, Adelabu Tunde, a student of Lagenda University, Nilai, Malaysia, was also murdered. While his murder is still under investigation, it was quite unfortunate that five Nigerian students were arrested in connection with Ayogu’s death, sadder still as they are his friends. Talk about taking our demons abroad as well.

On February 20 2014, another Nigerian student Godwin Awogbo, a 300 level student of the University of Cape Coast was brutally murdered. His body was found with some his internal organs gorged out, with his hands and legs tied together. Godwin’s death made it the fourth Nigerian student to lose his life in the space of four months in Ghana.

In addition to the killings of the students in UAE, Ghana, Cyprus and Malyasia, the House of Representative Committee on Diaspora is said to be investigating other killings in Russia, Ukraine and South Africa. This follows the death of two Nigerian students – Theresa Olaoluwa Oresanya, 300 level Electrical Engineering and Bede Olunna Ogbu, Master’s Degree Engineering – at the Donetsk National Technical University, Ukraine. They died after what the Ministry of Foreign Affairs sources described as circumstances bothering on alleged negligence on the part of the hospital authorities where they were admitted for treatment.

Some may not know how it hurts when a loved one passes on until you feel it personally; I feel Aisha’s pains and will support all efforts to ensure the real reason for her son’s death are properly investigated. Though no investigation can bring Oloruntoba back, the distraught mother can have her “peace” knowing how and why he died.

While we mourn ‘Toba and the other students, the questions that keep popping up in my mind is this: Would ‘Toba and other Nigerian students killed in foreign lands have died if we have quality institutions here in Nigeria? If there were, would our students move out in droves to mushroom institutions elsewhere? It is not late for us to start putting our house in order. Ghana did it and today the country is a popular destination for education tourism.

May 22, 2014
Dubai must reopen my son’s case, says Falode

•Keyamo, Okei-Odumakin, other activists seek justice

Prominent rights activists yesterday joined ace broadcaster Aisha Falode in her plea to the federal government to pressurise its Dubai counterpart to probe the death of her 19-year-old son, Oluwadamilola ‘Toba Falode, which occurred on February 15 in Dubai.

It was during a media parley which was held in Lagos on the circumstances surrounding the boy’s death. Falode was there.

The President, Women Arise, Dr. Joe Okei-Odumakin and rights lawyer, Festus Keyamo among others at the conference called on the government to place premium on the lives of every Nigerian.

They stated that the government must begin to ask probing questions on suspicious death of Nigerians abroad, lambasting the nation’s embassy in Dubai for treating the murder of a legal resident with levity.

Okei-Odumakin said her organisation had on May 12, written a petition to the Nigerian Embassy in the United Arab Emirates (UAE), which was copied President Goodluck Jonathan and Chairman, House Committee on Diaspora, Mrs. Abike Dabiri-Erewa.

She said while Dabiri-Erewa had acknowledged receipt of the petition and told her she had forwarded same to the Embassy in addition to a letter she personally wrote, the Embassy in the UAE and the Presidency were yet to reply.

“Toba’s death should put a stop to murder of Nigerians abroad. Government must ask questions and demand answers. We must show that we care about the lives of everyone. Some students have died under mysterious and unfortunate circumstances in the UAE and no one asked questions.

“We have taken up this case and will not rest until justice is done. For every single tear drop for Nigerian citizens outside this country who are seeking better lives as a result of government’s failure to provide same, justice must be served,” she said.

For Keyamo, lawyer to the Falodes, something untoward happened to the deceased and there is need for the government to take over the matter an expose what the Dubai police are hiding.

“We want Nigerian government to be proactive when it comes to lives of citizens; the government has no regard for lives of Nigerians. It is the lack of action on their part after we have written several letters and petitions that has forced us to hold this conference.

“We learnt in Dubai that Al-Nasser is the son of an influential Saudi Arabia man who has heavy investments in Dubai. That suggests that they are doing everything possible to protect him and we need our government to mount pressure on them so that they will know it is human life that is involved.

“We demanded the footages of the CCTV camera on the building and were told the camera does not cover the floors. Then, we demanded to see the footages on the day Toba and his friends entered and how they left; they told us it might not have recorded. How is that possible when it is common knowledge that Dubai has security cameras on all streets, buildings and malls?

“We also observed that there were alterations on the incident book for that fateful day. It is obvious people are trying to cover up. Moreover, one of the security men on duty that night, a Pakistani was transferred immediately the thing happened.”

Agony of a bereaved mother

Falode could not hold back tears when video evidence was aired during the conference. It indicated that the deceased must have been pushed or thrown from his 17th floor apartment at the Manchester Towers in Dubai Marina, contrary to the Dubai Police’ claim that the victim slipped from the balcony of the building.

Findings revealed that the deceased was not in the balcony with his girl as claimed by the Dubai Police, but the primary suspect, Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser, a son of a Saudi Arabian rich man, with major investments in Dubai, had a fight there with the late boy.

It was revealed that Al-Nasser, who had in December 2013, had scuffles with the deceased over a British girl, Olivia Melanie Richards Evans, left his apartment that day with blood stains on his cloth and knuckles and repeatedly told his friends that he would serve a maximum jail term of 27 years.

Falode’s helplessness has been compounded especially because international law does not allow for private investigation and it is only the federal government that can compel the government of Dubai to reopen the matter and possibly, invite Nigeria’s security agencies to work with them.

Falode said: “We travelled to Dubai in April and met with some of my son’s friends who were present in the apartment on that fateful day. The summary of their accounts (which they voluntarily gave as written statements) were totally different from what the police report indicated and it revealed a weak attempt by the authorities in Dubai to hide facts that showed my poor son was murdered.

“I was told that sometime in December 2013, the said Al-Nasser stormed my late son’s apartment and ordered Ms Evans (his supposed girlfriend) out of Toba’s apartment, accusing her of having an affair with Toba.

“A fight was to have ensued from this confrontation, but for the intervention of other mutual friends. Since then, there was no love lost between Toba and Al-Nasser. In the evening of February 14, Toba with his friends – Ebele Oladeji Onwugbufor, Nick Allison and Joachim Santene – went to a club in Dubai, which is known as M Deck, Media 1 Hotel, Media City.

“At the club, they met Al-Nasser and Ms Evans. That again, an argument started at the club concerning Olivia and shortly after, Al-Nasser and Olivia left. And Toba and his friends also left shortly after the other two left. On the trio’s return to Toba’s apartment, they were shocked and surprised to find Al-Nasser and Ms. Evans outside Toba’s door, waiting and Ms. Evans was crying and appeared frightened while Al-Nasser appeared calm, with a determined look on his face.

“After they all entered Toba’s apartment, he, Al-Nasser and Ms. Evans entered his room to sort things out and the three of them later exited the room and moved to the balcony of the apartment on the 17th floor.”

Continuing, Falode said she was told that there were signs of serious argument coming from the balcony with raised voices.

“After about 20 seconds, Al-Nasser and Ms. Evans came back into the room and announced that Toba had fallen off the railings. However, Al-Nasser had blood splattered all over his shirt and had bloody knuckles with a noticeable cut on his finger.

“They said at this point, they all rushed downstairs to see Toba’s dead body lying approximately 12 to 15 metres away from the building, and the position of his body was not consistent with someone falling from a balcony as it was not close to the building.

“They said the police arrived and arrested them all and took them to the station; before and during the journey to the station, Al-Nasser repeatedly said to the hearing of everyone that his maximum punishment would be 25 years. He told the other boys not to worry, but Ms. Evans remained hysterical.

“Suddenly, the police took him by the side and told him in Arabic to stop making the statement and at the station, Al-Nasser and Ms. Evans were kept away from the rest and were interviewed separately while the other three were kept in another room and interviewed separately.”

“The witnesses were clear that the above account was what they narrated and wrote as statements at the police station, a vital piece of information deliberately omitted in the police report which did not make any reference of to Al-Nasser or Ms. Evans at the balcony. Al-Nasser was released without taking the blood stained t-shirt from him as should have been done in any investigative matter,” she said.

Falode said all she wants for her late son is justice, adding that justice must prevail not just for Toba, but for all other young lives that have been cut short brutally.

“I am appealing to the government that I have done much more than I should do as a grieving mother who was left with no option but to start investigating my own son’s murder by myself. I implore the Nigerian Government to prevail on the authorities in Dubai to re-open investigations into the murder of my son to bring Al-Nasser and Ms Evans to book.

“The loss of a son is not what any parent should have to suffer, let alone a brutal murder. I do not wish this on any one because the pain is not only excruciating but almost unbearable.

“I am asking for justice for my son and prayers from everyone that God in his infinite mercy gives my family and I the strength to bear this great loss,” she said.

May 14, 2014
Aisha Falode: My son was murdered in Dubai

Ace sports broadcaster and Head, media committee of the Confederation of African Football (CAF), Aisha Falode, has said that her late son, Oloruntoba, who died on Saturday February 15, 2014, was actually murdered by one Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser, a Saudi national and one Olivia Melaine Richards Evans, a Briton.

Falode, who made the statement through her lawyer, Festus Keyamo, in a petition made available to The Nation, also alleged that there is a plot to cover up the alleged murder by the Dubai Police authority.

The Dubai Marina Police Command handled investigations into the death of the 19-yar-old.

Oloruntoba, popularly called Fray, the only son of the frontline media practitioner and a budding rapper, was a student of Audio Production at the SAE Institute in the United Arab Emirate at the time of his untimely death.

Initial report stated that he died in a car crash but a petition sent to the Presidency by Keyamo on behalf of the Falodes revealed that Oloruntoba might have been pushed to his death by his alleged killers on the night of the sad incident.

In the petition which was also copied to the Senate President, Speaker of the House of Representatives and the Ambassador of Nigeria to the UAE, the grieving mother said written statements and evidences volunteered by eye-witnesses suggest that Al-Nasser pushed Toba off the balcony of the 17th floor of Manchester Towers at Dubai Marina, after a heated argument between the duo.

She said, “Because of the various inconsistencies in the Police Report given to the family after the incident, myself, in company of Mr. Festus Keyamo and another family member, travelled to Dubai in the UAE on Friday, the 18th day of April, 2014 to see and hear things for ourselves. Whilst in the country, we met with the friends of Toba Falode who were present in the apartment on the fateful day.

The friends in question (names withheld) are a South African student, and a Nigerian student, both also studying at the SAE Institute. The summary of the accounts of these friends are totally different from what the Police Report indicated and has revealed a most shameful and disgraceful attempt by the authorities n Dubai to shilled obvious murder suspects from the long arms of the law.

The friends and witnesses in question volunteered written statements to us . That sometimes in December, 2013, the said Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser stormed the apartment of the deceased, Oluwadamilola Oloruntoba Falode and ordered Miss Olivia Melaine Richards Evans (his supposed girlfriend) out of Toba’s apartment; accusing her of having an affair with Toba Falode.

That a fight was to have ensued from this confrontation, but for the intervention of other mutual friends. Since then, there was no love lost between Toba and Al-Nasser. That in the evening of 14th of February, 2014, Toba, together with his friends,went to a club in Dubai known as M Deck, Media 1 Hotel, Media City.

That at the club, they again met the said Al-Nasser and Evans who came together to the club. That again, an argument started concerning Evans. Shortly after this, Al-Nasser and Evans left the club. On their return to toba’s apartment, the friends were shocked to find Al-Nasser and Evans waiting. Evans was crying hysterically while Al-Nasser was very calm with a determined look about him.

Toba let them into his apartment. After they all got into the apartment, Toba, Al-Nasser and Evans entered his rom to sort things out. Shortly after, the three of them exited the room and went to the balcony of the apartment on the 17th floor. According to an emphatic witness, a serious argument with raised voices and hands again ensued at the balcony. At some point, the friends opened the curtain and saw this serious confrontation among the three of them going on.

Shortly after, Al-Nasser and Evans came into the apartment and announced that Toba had fallen off the railings. However, Al-Nasser had blood splattered all over his shirt and he had bloody knuckles. There was also a noticeable cut on his finger. It is important to note that when one of the witnesses parted the curtain to see , Toba was not sitting on the railings in the balcony.

The position of Toba’s body was not consistent with someone dropping from the balcony but was consistent with someone that was violently pushed or thrown from the balcony. That the Police arrived thereafter and arrested all of them to the station. That before and during the journey to the station, Al-Nasser kept repeating to the hearing of everyone that the maximum punishment for him would be twenty-five years in jail and that the other boys should not worry.”

Falode argued that given the above account by eye-witnesses, it is shocking that Al-Nasser and Evans were that night released to go home without taking the blood stained T-shirt from Al-Nasser while the other three boys were charged with drinking and other sundry offense and are still facing these charges in court at present.

According to her, it is distressing that Nigerian students living and studying legitimately in so many countries abroad have become subjects of hostilities and murder of late. She therefore urged relevant authorities to wade into the matter and ensure that justice is done in this particular case.

“We call on you to use your good offices to prevail on the authorities in Dubai to re-open the investigation into the murder of Toba Falode and to bring to book Mr. Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser and Miss Olivia Melanie Richards Evans both of whom murdered him in cold blood,” she pleaded.

May 6, 2014
Aisha Falode: My son was murdered in Dubai

Ace sports broadcaster and Head, media committee of the Confederation of African Football (CAF), Aisha Falode, has said that her late son, Oloruntoba, who died on Saturday February 15, 2014, was actually murdered by one Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser, a Saudi national and one Olivia Melaine Richards Evans, a Briton.

Falode, who made the statement through her lawyer, Festus Keyamo, in a petition made available to The Nation, also alleged that there is a plot to cover up the alleged murder by the Dubai Police authority.

The Dubai Marina Police Command handled investigations into the death of the 19-yar-old.

Oloruntoba, popularly called Fray, the only son of the frontline media practitioner and a budding rapper, was a student of Audio Production at the SAE Institute in the United Arab Emirate at the time of his untimely death.

Initial report stated that he died in a car crash but a petition sent to the Presidency by Keyamo on behalf of the Falodes revealed that Oloruntoba might have been pushed to his death by his alleged killers on the night of the sad incident.

In the petition which was also copied to the Senate President, Speaker of the House of Representatives and the Ambassador of Nigeria to the UAE, the grieving mother said written statements and evidences volunteered by eye-witnesses suggest that Al-Nasser pushed Toba off the balcony of the 17th floor of Manchester Towers at Dubai Marina, after a heated argument between the duo.

She said, “Because of the various inconsistencies in the Police Report given to the family after the incident, myself, in company of Mr. Festus Keyamo and another family member, travelled to Dubai in the UAE on Friday, the 18th day of April, 2014 to see and hear things for ourselves. Whilst in the country, we met with the friends of Toba Falode who were present in the apartment on the fateful day.

The friends in question (names withheld) are a South African student, and a Nigerian student, both also studying at the SAE Institute. The summary of the accounts of these friends are totally different from what the Police Report indicated and has revealed a most shameful and disgraceful attempt by the authorities n Dubai to shilled obvious murder suspects from the long arms of the law.

The friends and witnesses in question volunteered written statements to us . That sometimes in December, 2013, the said Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser stormed the apartment of the deceased, Oluwadamilola Oloruntoba Falode and ordered Miss Olivia Melaine Richards Evans (his supposed girlfriend) out of Toba’s apartment; accusing her of having an affair with Toba Falode.

That a fight was to have ensued from this confrontation, but for the intervention of other mutual friends. Since then, there was no love lost between Toba and Al-Nasser. That in the evening of 14th of February, 2014, Toba, together with his friends,went to a club in Dubai known as M Deck, Media 1 Hotel, Media City.

That at the club, they again met the said Al-Nasser and Evans who came together to the club. That again, an argument started concerning Evans. Shortly after this, Al-Nasser and Evans left the club. On their return to toba’s apartment, the friends were shocked to find Al-Nasser and Evans waiting. Evans was crying hysterically while Al-Nasser was very calm with a determined look about him.

Toba let them into his apartment. After they all got into the apartment, Toba, Al-Nasser and Evans entered his rom to sort things out. Shortly after, the three of them exited the room and went to the balcony of the apartment on the 17th floor. According to an emphatic witness, a serious argument with raised voices and hands again ensued at the balcony. At some point, the friends opened the curtain and saw this serious confrontation among the three of them going on.

Shortly after, Al-Nasser and Evans came into the apartment and announced that Toba had fallen off the railings. However, Al-Nasser had blood splattered all over his shirt and he had bloody knuckles. There was also a noticeable cut on his finger. It is important to note that when one of the witnesses parted the curtain to see , Toba was not sitting on the railings in the balcony.

The position of Toba’s body was not consistent with someone dropping from the balcony but was consistent with someone that was violently pushed or thrown from the balcony. That the Police arrived thereafter and arrested all of them to the station. That before and during the journey to the station, Al-Nasser kept repeating to the hearing of everyone that the maximum punishment for him would be twenty-five years in jail and that the other boys should not worry.”

Falode argued that given the above account by eye-witnesses, it is shocking that Al-Nasser and Evans were that night released to go home without taking the blood stained T-shirt from Al-Nasser while the other three boys were charged with drinking and other sundry offense and are still facing these charges in court at present.

According to her, it is distressing that Nigerian students living and studying legitimately in so many countries abroad have become subjects of hostilities and murder of late. She therefore urged relevant authorities to wade into the matter and ensure that justice is done in this particular case.

“We call on you to use your good offices to prevail on the authorities in Dubai to re-open the investigation into the murder of Toba Falode and to bring to book Mr. Faisal Aldakmary Al-Nasser and Miss Olivia Melanie Richards Evans both of whom murdered him in cold blood,” she pleaded.

May 6, 2014
No woman can snatch my husband if I get a second shot at marriage—Aisha Falode

First Lady of Sport Journalism, popular TV sports presenter, Aisha Falode, needs little or no introduction. But what may be hidden from a lot of people is the measure of her passion for her TV talk show, Amazons, which she co-presents with Nollywood actress, Bimbo Akintola, and Lagos-based lawyer, Dolapo Awosika. In this interview with MERCY MICHAEL, Falode talks about her career, private life and relationships, among other things.

YOUR TV programme, The Amazons, is solely about women. Are you such a feminist?

No, no, no. It is not for women alone; it is for the family. It is just that women are the ones who drive the family. The home is set by the woman. The woman defines how she wants the home to be run. She is the bedrock of the family. She takes the initiative. She builds the foundation for the children.

If you get the family right, you get the society right. A lot of the problems we have in the society now can be traced back to the family. And as women, we feet concerned that there is a lot of holdback when we want to deal with these issues, especially the non-traditional issues. Those are the issues that really affect us as a society. For the women, even though we talk about it in our private moments, we are never bold enough to bring them to the fore for public discourse.

Take for instance sexual intercourse. Promiscuity is not only about the girl child; it is also about the boy who is just starting to discover himself. At what point do you start to talk with a child about sex and the consequences of being sexually active?

We live in a society where you cannot place any restrictions on the children anymore. Learning and teaching is reality for the kids. If you don’t talk to them about it at home, they are going to have to find out themselves. We have a lot of outlets that will give you this information, whether you like it or not. So it is your responsibility as a family to sit the child down and tell the child that look, what you see on TV, a lot of it is the reality.

Reality is what drives the television. It is basically for entertainment, but the reality of life is different from the reality of TV. The responsibility of them distinguishing between the moral, the ethics, and what is right and perceivable still falls on you as a mother. This is where we come in.

Even as mothers ourselves, we have a lot of issues that trouble us. For instance, you talk about relationship and what really holds a marriage together. Even though you may not be married, you are exposed enough. You have friends who are married. You have relations who are married. So, you have a lot of experience and example to draw from.

Women have a lot of health issues that we are not too comfortable to discuss.

Take menopause for instance. A lot of us go through menopause at very early age now, but because of the restrictions, how will the society perceive us? You talk to your friends and they are like no o, I don’t want people to know that I am old. But, for God’s sake, it is not a disease; it is just a natural process that you have to go through in life.

Menopause, these days, does not even come with age. And what if it comes with age? I mean gone are the days when a woman hides her true age. These days, I’m happy to tell you I’m over 50. The men will tell you without even thinking twice about it. Why do you want to hold on to this stereotype belief that with a woman, everything has to be kept secret?

Even if it is a disease, should someone be afraid to talk about it?

What does it take for a woman? If you know that something is wrong with your breast, why don’t you discuss it with your friend? Why don’t you seek medical help? Why do you want to leave it too late until, perhaps maybe, what you didn’t want people to learn about will eventually kill you and it will become public knowledge to rest of the world? We are just trying to break that barrier between what is permissible. Everything is permissible. This is what The Amazons is all about.

It is not all about women issues. We also talk about politics. We talk about governance: how does it affect us as women? How does it affect our children? What is the guarantee for the future if we continue this way? What is the leadership role that a woman can take in order to effect the changes that we so deserve and desire as the bedrock of the family? What is our responsibility in ensuring that the quality of leadership that we put in place actually starts from the home? How do we prepare our children?

Look, if you can’t beat them, join them syndrome has to stop in one way or the other. These are the moral values that you must hold on to as a family. Good name, in Yoruba parlance, is better than silver and gold. You have to protect the name and integrity of your family. I think if we can get these basics as a family, it will translate to the bigger picture of the quality of leadership.

At what point did you conceive The Amazons?

Well, it had always been there. You know you sit down with friends, and you just let go. But in order for you to now affect the larger society with what we discuss, I found that there was a lot of restriction among friends, saying we can only talk about it here. Men sit down and talk about relationships; they talk about their experiences with women. Why can’t we also talk about our experiences with men? A lot of women are going through divorce. They are patching their marriages. They want to make it work by all means, but a man will not care a hoot about it. We are not saying that as a platform of affecting the society, what is wrong is right. We are just saying that what is wrong is wrong and what is right is right. But there are some things you just cannot make happen the way you want them to be.

What are the other options? How do you move on with your life? A lot of us are undergoing counseling in this Lagos State because of the pressure of marriage; because you want to have a relationship; because of the pressure of ‘look, I’m over 30 and I still cannot find Mr. Right.’ The family will put pressure on you. Your parents will put pressure on you. Friends will put pressure on you. But there a lot of bachelors who are in their 50s and nobody is pressurizing them. These are the issues we are talking about.

But some of these issues also border on culture, ethics and values…

We understand the ethics. We understand the values. But if there is nothing you can do about the ethics and the values, what is the way forward? What are the options in other for you to move on with your life?

What are the highpoints of the show?

The highpoint is when we are able to get people to break down the barriers and really come and talk about their experiences. We have had menopause discussed after several attempts to talk to people, saying ‘look, there is nothing wrong undergoing menopause.’ We have had women come to talk to us about their experiences and our feedback on facebook was quite amazing.

Look, menopause has broken down marriages. Men could not just understand, why is my wife suddenly becoming depressed? Why is their sudden mood swing? Why is she not having interest in those things that used to interest her? They couldn’t find answers to it because they didn’t understand what was going on with the woman and, therefore, there is a disconnect in the relationship and that eventually affects the marriage to the point that they have to get separated.

But if the men could understand, perhaps they will be more empathic. Perhaps they will be more understanding. Perhaps they could give that support that women need. We pleaded for advocacy; that the same way we are talking about cancer opening, that it is a killer, you need to do x, y and z, why don’t you also let women know these too? Let there be some kind of public enlightenment where it will really be discussed, where you have a forum, preparing women for menopause. Before you will hit the menopause, there is something called the pre-menopause; the periods are far in between. These are things you will experience in your body. The oestrogen and prostrogen are going to get depleted and it will affect your skin and your mood. You are going to break out in sweat. You are going to have internal heat. Perhaps, if you have any, it will shot up your blood pressure and this is where you seek help. Where is the support group? That information will really help in a long way.

We’ve also had a boy who lived as a girl for so many years and because of the stigma couldn’t come out. Now the boy has realised that he cannot continue to pretend about his body. He was actually born with a defect where you have both the male and female genitals. When he grew out of it, he sought support and was able to undergo medical support in the United States. Now he is a full, handsome grown man. But he still needs one more surgery in order to complete the process. He was bold enough to come out and talk about it on The Amazons.

We also had the people we call the run girls; girls who sell their bodies for money. Although they are not on the street, they do it through connection and network. We also have what we call the Aristos. They have proper jobs, but they still are not contended with what they have and still think that selling their bodies for money to keep up their social status is the only way they know. We brought them on the programme and told them that it is not the solution. We are able to now manage them and take them off that line of action.

But it still depends on the free will of the individual. They know the consequences, the risk of getting involved in such act: you could be raped, killed or drugged. You could end up with STDs or HIV. They know all these risks and consequences and still, they are not able to pull back and say ‘look, I could die from this.’ But because this is the only way they know how to survive, they still continue.

We have several other incidents. We have gone to the market and seen women who, although they are not literate, they understand the power of global currency because they are global traders. They have made millions selling fabrics in Oke Arin (market). They send their children to the best of schools in the world and live comfortably. You do not need also to be so much educated. We place so much importance on certificate as a nation, which is why we have so much employment.

The government also has not helped with the fact that we need to diversify our education. Apart from this paper qualification, what happens to our technical colleges? Abroad, you see plumbers, painters, you know workmen. They earn much more than those who wear tie and suit to go to the office in the morning. Why don’t they develop this sector of education? Everybody cannot be a graduate.

You turn out the graduates and there are no employments to absorb the work force. And what do you have? You have youth who do not know how to channel their energy and they are involved in vices, fraud, kidnapping and all kinds of things. It is a means to survive. So, you need to deemphasise this paper qualification and begin to also pay respect to technical qualification. That way, we’ll have jobs for our youths. There will be wealth creation. The youth can also create wealth for themselves and become self employed and employ others. These are serious issues that we treat on The Amazons. Ultimately, it is about the family.

In this part of the world, women dread aging. Why is that so?

I don’t have a problem with age. I tell people my age. I hit 50 last year. I’m proud to be 50. In a lot of ways, I can relate to the saying that age is in the mind. You are only as old as you feel in your mind. Once you feel that you are old, you begin to behave like an old person. But if you still feel young in your mind, you are what you perceive yourself to be. So I will encourage a lot of women to still deal with their mind as though they are young and still do the things that they used to enjoy doing although with moderation. I’m not saying go about still wearing your mini skirt. Now, you have to be conservative, respectable and still feel young. This is the way I think that women should start dealing with the issue of age.

If you enjoyed clubbing as a young woman, get a group of friends together and have a girls’ night out. You may not go to the same club as your children. Don’t go and stay overnight. Go to the movies with a group of friends. Just go and hangout and come back home. It also helps relationships, where you are not suffocating one another. Your man is the outgoing type, you are at home nagging. He’s not going take you out all the time, he also needs his own time to be with his friends, hangout, go to the bar or go and hangout and watch the game with the boys. Pick interest in what your man is doing, but don’t suffocate him.

The same thing with the man; don’t suffocate your wife. Give yourselves space. Of course, you also need time to spend with your husband. Take yourselves on holiday. It helps in a long way to maintain the freshness in a relationship.

Over the years, there has been the argument over what really helps to keep the home. Is it food or sex?

See no pretences. If you talk to 10 men, 90.9 per cent of them, that is almost a 100 per cent, will tell you that what goes on in the bedroom is much more important than what is in the plate on the table. Talk to them. That is what they go after when they go after girlfriends. The girlfriends don’t cook for them. It is what they do with these men that take the men to them. Let’s don’t pretend as women. Be creative. ‘Daddy, it’s me and you tonight.’ Recreate that old time and they will enjoy it. Even when they are in the process of straying, they remember that my wife can give me what I want. Even if they want to, they are held back because the woman is fantastic, and they are wondering why they are wasting their time with these small, small girls.

Forget about food. Although it is also important, those people they are going out to see are not cooking for them. That is the truth. Let’s be frank about it. Perhaps, if I was as matured as I am when I got married, I could keep my home. But I wasn’t mature. If I get a second chance today, God help the lady that will come and take my place. Ase baba nla ise (she will have to toil for it).

This is the time for women to wake up. Keep your relationship. Keep your man, whatever it takes. What is it that he is going to look for outside? I will give him double at home. This is what men want. We brought them to the programme on how to sustain your marriage, and they told us verbatim. Forget about the food. It is the food in the bedroom that is more important. Maybe in the days of our mothers, you know they were traditionalists, they were not adventurous.

How many children do you have?

A girl and a boy.

For the girl, what was it like when she was growing up, considering your busy schedule?

The thing is learn to be a friend to your children and they will tell you anything and everything. If you earn their trust, if they have anything, they will come to you and say ‘Mummy, this is it.’ If they are having problems or if it is about how to get back their boy, what do you think? Why is he behaving like this? Speak to them as a friend. If they earn your trust, they tell you before they do anything and they seek your advice. Your advice will become very important to them. Without your advice they cannot do anything. They will have to run it by you, even thought the decision is still for them to be made.

September 21, 2013
No woman can snatch my husband if I get a second shot at marriage—Aisha Falode

YOUR TV programme, The Amazons, is solely about women. Are you such a feminist?

No, no, no. It is not for women alone; it is for the family. It is just that women are the ones who drive the family. The home is set by the woman. The woman defines how she wants the home to be run. She is the bedrock of the family. She takes the initiative. She builds the foundation for the children.

If you get the family right, you get the society right. A lot of the problems we have in the society now can be traced back to the family. And as women, we feet concerned that there is a lot of holdback when we want to deal with these issues, especially the non-traditional issues. Those are the issues that really affect us as a society. For the women, even though we talk about it in our private moments, we are never bold enough to bring them to the fore for public discourse.

Take for instance sexual intercourse. Promiscuity is not only about the girl child; it is also about the boy who is just starting to discover himself. At what point do you start to talk with a child about sex and the consequences of being sexually active?

We live in a society where you cannot place any restrictions on the children anymore. Learning and teaching is reality for the kids. If you don’t talk to them about it at home, they are going to have to find out themselves. We have a lot of outlets that will give you this information, whether you like it or not. So it is your responsibility as a family to sit the child down and tell the child that look, what you see on TV, a lot of it is the reality.

Reality is what drives the television. It is basically for entertainment, but the reality of life is different from the reality of TV. The responsibility of them distinguishing between the moral, the ethics, and what is right and perceivable still falls on you as a mother. This is where we come in.

Even as mothers ourselves, we have a lot of issues that trouble us. For instance, you talk about relationship and what really holds a marriage together. Even though you may not be married, you are exposed enough. You have friends who are married. You have relations who are married. So, you have a lot of experience and example to draw from.

Women have a lot of health issues that we are not too comfortable to discuss.

Take menopause for instance. A lot of us go through menopause at very early age now, but because of the restrictions, how will the society perceive us? You talk to your friends and they are like no o, I don’t want people to know that I am old. But, for God’s sake, it is not a disease; it is just a natural process that you have to go through in life.

Menopause, these days, does not even come with age. And what if it comes with age? I mean gone are the days when a woman hides her true age. These days, I’m happy to tell you I’m over 50. The men will tell you without even thinking twice about it. Why do you want to hold on to this stereotype belief that with a woman, everything has to be kept secret?

Even if it is a disease, should someone be afraid to talk about it?

What does it take for a woman? If you know that something is wrong with your breast, why don’t you discuss it with your friend? Why don’t you seek medical help? Why do you want to leave it too late until, perhaps maybe, what you didn’t want people to learn about will eventually kill you and it will become public knowledge to rest of the world? We are just trying to break that barrier between what is permissible. Everything is permissible. This is what The Amazons is all about.

It is not all about women issues. We also talk about politics. We talk about governance: how does it affect us as women? How does it affect our children? What is the guarantee for the future if we continue this way? What is the leadership role that a woman can take in order to effect the changes that we so deserve and desire as the bedrock of the family? What is our responsibility in ensuring that the quality of leadership that we put in place actually starts from the home? How do we prepare our children?

Look, if you can’t beat them, join them syndrome has to stop in one way or the other. These are the moral values that you must hold on to as a family. Good name, in Yoruba parlance, is better than silver and gold. You have to protect the name and integrity of your family. I think if we can get these basics as a family, it will translate to the bigger picture of the quality of leadership.

At what point did you conceive The Amazons?

Well, it had always been there. You know you sit down with friends, and you just let go. But in order for you to now affect the larger society with what we discuss, I found that there was a lot of restriction among friends, saying we can only talk about it here. Men sit down and talk about relationships; they talk about their experiences with women. Why can’t we also talk about our experiences with men? A lot of women are going through divorce. They are patching their marriages. They want to make it work by all means, but a man will not care a hoot about it. We are not saying that as a platform of affecting the society, what is wrong is right. We are just saying that what is wrong is wrong and what is right is right. But there are some things you just cannot make happen the way you want them to be.

What are the other options? How do you move on with your life? A lot of us are undergoing counseling in this Lagos State because of the pressure of marriage; because you want to have a relationship; because of the pressure of ‘look, I’m over 30 and I still cannot find Mr. Right.’ The family will put pressure on you. Your parents will put pressure on you. Friends will put pressure on you. But there a lot of bachelors who are in their 50s and nobody is pressurizing them. These are the issues we are talking about.

But some of these issues also border on culture, ethics and values…

We understand the ethics. We understand the values. But if there is nothing you can do about the ethics and the values, what is the way forward? What are the options in other for you to move on with your life?

What are the highpoints of the show?

The highpoint is when we are able to get people to break down the barriers and really come and talk about their experiences. We have had menopause discussed after several attempts to talk to people, saying ‘look, there is nothing wrong undergoing menopause.’ We have had women come to talk to us about their experiences and our feedback on facebook was quite amazing.

Look, menopause has broken down marriages. Men could not just understand, why is my wife suddenly becoming depressed? Why is their sudden mood swing? Why is she not having interest in those things that used to interest her? They couldn’t find answers to it because they didn’t understand what was going on with the woman and, therefore, there is a disconnect in the relationship and that eventually affects the marriage to the point that they have to get separated.

But if the men could understand, perhaps they will be more empathic. Perhaps they will be more understanding. Perhaps they could give that support that women need. We pleaded for advocacy; that the same way we are talking about cancer opening, that it is a killer, you need to do x, y and z, why don’t you also let women know these too? Let there be some kind of public enlightenment where it will really be discussed, where you have a forum, preparing women for menopause. Before you will hit the menopause, there is something called the pre-menopause; the periods are far in between. These are things you will experience in your body. The oestrogen and prostrogen are going to get depleted and it will affect your skin and your mood. You are going to break out in sweat. You are going to have internal heat. Perhaps, if you have any, it will shot up your blood pressure and this is where you seek help. Where is the support group? That information will really help in a long way.

We’ve also had a boy who lived as a girl for so many years and because of the stigma couldn’t come out. Now the boy has realised that he cannot continue to pretend about his body. He was actually born with a defect where you have both the male and female genitals. When he grew out of it, he sought support and was able to undergo medical support in the United States. Now he is a full, handsome grown man. But he still needs one more surgery in order to complete the process. He was bold enough to come out and talk about it on The Amazons.

We also had the people we call the run girls; girls who sell their bodies for money. Although they are not on the street, they do it through connection and network. We also have what we call the Aristos. They have proper jobs, but they still are not contended with what they have and still think that selling their bodies for money to keep up their social status is the only way they know. We brought them on the programme and told them that it is not the solution. We are able to now manage them and take them off that line of action.

But it still depends on the free will of the individual. They know the consequences, the risk of getting involved in such act: you could be raped, killed or drugged. You could end up with STDs or HIV. They know all these risks and consequences and still, they are not able to pull back and say ‘look, I could die from this.’ But because this is the only way they know how to survive, they still continue.

We have several other incidents. We have gone to the market and seen women who, although they are not literate, they understand the power of global currency because they are global traders. They have made millions selling fabrics in Oke Arin (market). They send their children to the best of schools in the world and live comfortably. You do not need also to be so much educated. We place so much importance on certificate as a nation, which is why we have so much employment.

The government also has not helped with the fact that we need to diversify our education. Apart from this paper qualification, what happens to our technical colleges? Abroad, you see plumbers, painters, you know workmen. They earn much more than those who wear tie and suit to go to the office in the morning. Why don’t they develop this sector of education? Everybody cannot be a graduate.

You turn out the graduates and there are no employments to absorb the work force. And what do you have? You have youth who do not know how to channel their energy and they are involved in vices, fraud, kidnapping and all kinds of things. It is a means to survive. So, you need to deemphasise this paper qualification and begin to also pay respect to technical qualification. That way, we’ll have jobs for our youths. There will be wealth creation. The youth can also create wealth for themselves and become self employed and employ others. These are serious issues that we treat on The Amazons. Ultimately, it is about the family.

In this part of the world, women dread aging. Why is that so?

I don’t have a problem with age. I tell people my age. I hit 50 last year. I’m proud to be 50. In a lot of ways, I can relate to the saying that age is in the mind. You are only as old as you feel in your mind. Once you feel that you are old, you begin to behave like an old person. But if you still feel young in your mind, you are what you perceive yourself to be. So I will encourage a lot of women to still deal with their mind as though they are young and still do the things that they used to enjoy doing although with moderation. I’m not saying go about still wearing your mini skirt. Now, you have to be conservative, respectable and still feel young. This is the way I think that women should start dealing with the issue of age.

If you enjoyed clubbing as a young woman, get a group of friends together and have a girls’ night out. You may not go to the same club as your children. Don’t go and stay overnight. Go to the movies with a group of friends. Just go and hangout and come back home. It also helps relationships, where you are not suffocating one another. Your man is the outgoing type, you are at home nagging. He’s not going take you out all the time, he also needs his own time to be with his friends, hangout, go to the bar or go and hangout and watch the game with the boys. Pick interest in what your man is doing, but don’t suffocate him.

The same thing with the man; don’t suffocate your wife. Give yourselves space. Of course, you also need time to spend with your husband. Take yourselves on holiday. It helps in a long way to maintain the freshness in a relationship.

Over the years, there has been the argument over what really helps to keep the home. Is it food or sex?

See no pretences. If you talk to 10 men, 90.9 per cent of them, that is almost a 100 per cent, will tell you that what goes on in the bedroom is much more important than what is in the plate on the table. Talk to them. That is what they go after when they go after girlfriends. The girlfriends don’t cook for them. It is what they do with these men that take the men to them. Let’s don’t pretend as women. Be creative. ‘Daddy, it’s me and you tonight.’ Recreate that old time and they will enjoy it. Even when they are in the process of straying, they remember that my wife can give me what I want. Even if they want to, they are held back because the woman is fantastic, and they are wondering why they are wasting their time with these small, small girls.

Forget about food. Although it is also important, those people they are going out to see are not cooking for them. That is the truth. Let’s be frank about it. Perhaps, if I was as matured as I am when I got married, I could keep my home. But I wasn’t mature. If I get a second chance today, God help the lady that will come and take my place. Ase baba nla ise (she will have to toil for it).

This is the time for women to wake up. Keep your relationship. Keep your man, whatever it takes. What is it that he is going to look for outside? I will give him double at home. This is what men want. We brought them to the programme on how to sustain your marriage, and they told us verbatim. Forget about the food. It is the food in the bedroom that is more important. Maybe in the days of our mothers, you know they were traditionalists, they were not adventurous.

How many children do you have?

A girl and a boy.

For the girl, what was it like when she was growing up, considering your busy schedule?

The thing is learn to be a friend to your children and they will tell you anything and everything. If you earn their trust, if they have anything, they will come to you and say ‘Mummy, this is it.’ If they are having problems or if it is about how to get back their boy, what do you think? Why is he behaving like this? Speak to them as a friend. If they earn your trust, they tell you before they do anything and they seek your advice. Your advice will become very important to them. Without your advice they cannot do anything. They will have to run it by you, even thought the decision is still for them to be made.

September 21, 2013