The Nation Newspaper

Tag: boyfriend

  • My married boyfriend told me that he can’t leave me for any other man

    Dear Sister Deola, good evening ma. You don’t know me but I have been a regular reader of your column for long. Please advise. I have a boyfriend that looks after me. I just found out he’s married and I wanted to leave him but he told me that he can’t leave me for any other man; that he’s going to marry me dandan (by force). I love him and he loves me but can I marry a married man?

    The fear of all women is the other woman and in this case, you’re the other woman. I have attended many ‘second-wife’ marriages and so, I cannot say if or not your man is lying that he wants to marry you. I know for sure that girlfriends eventually become second wives in some cases. Time will tell in your own case.

    I cannot stay here and say do not do it. You obviously are settled in this relationship and it is certain the man is carrying out duties towards you, which I cannot do for you if I ask you to leave him.

    If your religion is in life with polygamy, then, go for it if he is truthful about his intentions. If your parents are in support, then I have no say. But before I sign off your case, below are some articles I came across which you may learn one or two things from:

  • My parents are against my HIV positive boyfriend

    Hello Aunty, I have this guy that I love so much that I can die for. But he is HIV positive while I am negative

    but he wants to marry me but my parents are against it. I really love him and l love him with all

     my heart. Right now, I am getting mad because of all that is going on and I need your help because I don’t want to lose him. Aunty, please help me.

     

    Hi.

    You were not detailed in your mail to me as I do not know whether your parents are fighting your relationship with this guy because of his HIV status. If that is the case, even the most prominent campaigners for the rights of the people living with HIV wouldn’t agree easily for their HIV-negative children to marry an HIV-positive person. It would take a lot of counseling. In most cases where you have a positive and negative living together happily, they might have been married before discovering the positive status of the other person.

    Parental consent in a marriage relationship is very important in Africa, especially here in Nigeria. If they were kicking against it on grounds such as the guy’s lack of adequate finances or religious grounds, one could always have a way of going around it because in such cases, we can say they are not being considerate. But if it is on health grounds, then you have to be on the same page with them. The parents you fail to listen to today as blood is still pumping to your heart in the name of love may be the ones you will go and cry to later.

    All in all, seek counseling on your expectations and limitations with an HIV positive partner. It is possible to live happily with him and have healthy babies. You however need to be armed with information and education about how to go about it. You may in turn educate your parents so they can see that life continues whether you have HIV or not. Wishing you the best.