The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Cheating

  • My wife is cheating on me, says police officer

    A 37-year-old police officer, Adoyi Okiwori, yesterday approached a Lagos Island Customary Court seeking the dissolution of his three-year-old marriage over alleged infidelity of his wife.

    Adoyi told the court that he met his wife, Grace, in Abuja while they were in the university and she got pregnant and gave birth to their five-year-old son, Divine.

    He said they later got married on December 27, 2014, adding that the union was blissful until 2016 when he started noticing the strange behaviour of his wife.

    He said: “She sometimes leaves the house without stating where she was going and when she will be back. I started seeing text messages from numerous lovers on my wife’s phone. There was one I read that said ‘I enjoyed the nice time we had.’ When I confronted my wife, she confessed that she met with the man and that they only kissed and did not have sex.

    “My wife went to a birthday party with another man who slept with her and gave her N40,000 which she used in buying a sewing machine. When I could not cope with her infidelity any more,  I reported her to my elder brother who spoke with her and later reported her to her elder sister. Her sister reprimanded her and my wife started picked up a quarrel with her. My wife no longer speaks with her sister.”

    The officer told the court that he no longer trusts his wife and urged the court to dissolve the marriage and grant him custody of his son.

    Grace, who denied all the allegations, told the court that her husband was not caring and sometimes does not come home for days.

    She said: “I love him and I have never cheated on him even when he had nothing.  I became pregnant and he asked me to abort, but I still stood by him. Since I started my tailoring business, my husband has not contributed any money to it and he has been feeling insecure. My husband does not take care of me and he is afraid someone else might be taking care of me outside of the home.

    “He goes through my phone and reads meaning to every text message and chat he sees. He took me to shrine in their village last December to swear that if I was having extra marital affairs,  something awful should happen to me and  I did,” she said.

    Grace said her husband had prevented her from seeing her son who was presently at his sister’s place while all her properties were still in his house.

    She, however, maintained that she still loves her husband.

    The court’s President, Mr Awos Awosola, ordered that the child be brought to court on the next adjourned date.

    Awosola adjourned the case till February 24 to enable family members mediate in the matter.

  • Dealing with cheating and lies in relationships

    GOOD morning Harriet, Please, I need your advice. I am in a relationship with a guy. Before I accepted him as my boyfriend, I asked him if he was in any relationship and his answer was no.

    But as time went on, l discovered that he was going out with a certain girl who added me on Facebook and she left the explanation that she decided to include me as her friend when she saw my picture on her fiancé page.

    I was surprised at her statement. I immediately confronted my boyfriend. He admitted that they were dating, but the relationship was not working out. He then pleaded with me to give him time to break up with her.

    I feel angry, jealous and upset. I want to call it off because I really cannot allow my heart to be broken.

    Please, what should I do?

    Thanks

    Ewere, Delta State.

     

    We must commend your courage; it is really not easy to share your experience. I hope that people experiencing the same situation will draw strength from it. Thanks a lot.

    To be in a relationship at the right time with the right person is an amazing feeling that words most times cannot express. Therefore, when the reverse is the case, it can be frustrating, especially when it has to do with cheating and lies.

    Trust and honesty are the crucial foundation upon which all other qualities in a relationship are built. You took the right step by confronting the issue the minute you observed that he was in a relationship with another girl just as if you knew when you asked him the question at the beginning of the relationship.

    It is very good to be open with whoever you want to date; you stand to gain a lot.  Speaking out freely from the start of a relationship gives an easy understanding of the person’s likes and dislikes.

    To be lied to and cheated upon can be very devastating, so what you are feeling now is highly expected because he is your boyfriend that has treated you in such a manner, not a stranger. Of course, you feel betrayed and deceived. Your emotions will be playing up and anger will set in after a while, all these will happen naturally for healing to take place.

    At the moment, learn not to be too hard on yourself, but instead see him as a person that has issues and needs help because a man who finds it difficult to know exactly what he wants and how to go about it tells you that such a person might have challenges in decision making.

    He wants to have his cake and eat it. So the question is, can you put up with such a character and how are you sure that he is telling you the truth of the whole situation. Cheating and lies in a relationship are major signs of an unhealthy relationship and should not be taken for granted.

    If you feel that you cannot cope with your emotions, do not hesitate to seek the help of a counsellor. The way forward is to see your situation as an experience with a lesson, not a time for self-pity, blame or regret, but rather to be happy that it was revealed early enough for you to know the type of person you are in a relationship with.

    Think through your situation and ask yourself honest questions about what you want in a relationship. If you choose to stay with your boyfriend after knowing full well the dangers and problems inherent in his personality, it becomes your problem.

    In continuing such relationship, the following steps to take might be of help. Make sure that you have a conversation with him about the situation of things and its effect on your person and the relationship. Bring to his notice that he will have to work hard to gain back your trust.

    Let him know that you will always cross check whatever he says to you about the other girl in order to be sure. Make your boundaries clear and ask him to define your relationship.

    In case you decide to end it after a proper review, go ahead and follow your heart. Never start out looking for approach in which no one gets hurt. It doesn’t exist. Go into a discussion with him, knowing where you want to end up. Your boyfriend may try all sorts of promises about changing in behaviour.

    Don’t accept it if you are ready to close the chapter and move on with your life. Here are ways to help you move on: The first step is to try and channel your emotion to doing activity or improving yourself in order to think less of the situation. It helps to ease worries.

    Take your time and do not rush into a relationship immediately, so that you don’t go into it simply because you feel there is a gap that you need to fill.  Relationship takes two to make it work, so keep an open mind whenever you are in a relationship. Don’t expect too much, always define your relationship, that is, be specific about what you want and ask your partner what he or she wants from the relationship, so that from the onset, you both know what you are going into.

    Time, they say, heals wound. As the day goes by, you feel better and stronger.  Most people dwell on a situation like this it and shut down. Try to keep a free heart, so that you don’t shut love out because of your bitter encounter. Trust me, true love will definitely find you.

    Take care of yourself and note that any relationship based on lies and deceit is not worth holding on to.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her blog; www.liwh.com.ng, text messages only 08054682598 or bineharriet@gmail.com.  You can follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj and instagram: harrietogbobine

  • Tiwa Savage, husband end marriage

    Tiwa Savage, husband end marriage

    … Tee Blizz confirms separation on Instagram

    Talented songstress, Tiwa Savage and her husband, Tunji Balogun aka Tee Blizz, have reportedly ended their marriage.

    Tee Blizz posted several messages on Instagram on Thursday, confirming that the marriage has hit the rock.

    There had been reports of cracks in the estranged couple’s marriage, but the postings on the mobile photo-sharing platform confirmed one of the worst kept secrets in the music/entertainment industry.

    The union is blessed with a 16- month old son, Jamil.

    Here are some of the postings:

    • “This was you when I met you with 100% insecurity. I remember when Wale called me about a girl that’s got talent and you told him I wasn’t interested.”

     

    • “Please just take care of JamJam. I sacrificed my life for you and put in work and my money to your success. You are Tiwa Savage the super star now right. You will never have peace with that fame. Your mother wants to turn me to what she turned your DAD to? I will rather die. Ask her to confess what she has done to me! All I did was look out for your success.”

     

    • “I’m sorry Olabisi, Gaetano, Onah and jamil. All daddy wanted to do is be a good father and take care all of you but they won’t let me. I have been fighting this spiritual battle since I was a kid. My mother and father can testify. Went from family battle to mother in-law’s battle. @tiwasavage ask your mother to confess what she’s done to me.”

     

    • “Lord knows I tried. I can’t take it anymore. I decided that I wanted to take time out from music business so you and me will not be in the same basket of the music industry. You never supported me from day one. Every move I made and every project I lay my hands on was going all bad. Thanks to your mum witchcraft! Tell her to confess to you.”