Before discussing the five sure ways to motivate your child to use pornography, let me categorically state two important points.
The first is that no parent wants their child to become involved in pornography. We all can agree on this. The problem for many of us is we do not understand the dangerous attraction of pornography or how our behaviour, though unintentional, can help shape a child to desire something that can lead him into a lifetime of slavery.
There are always unintended consequences of our actions. We can’t act one way, good or bad, and not expect our actions to have unintended consequences. Like a rock dropped into a lake, there will always be a ripple effect to our attitudes and actions.
Secondly, pornography for a man is not primarily about what the woman looks like. A woman’s appearance is an external magnet for the eye to enjoy, but the greater problem for the man is the desires of the heart. Pornography is first and foremost about the theatre of the mind, where the man can enter into his virtual world and be king for a day, or, in this case, king for a few minutes as he satisfies his mind with the risk-free intrigue of the cyber conquest.
You see porn is a secret world that resides in the heart. It is lust, which feeds itself while in the darkness of a person’s mind. This makes what we do as parents all the more important because the mind of a child is not altogether discernible. The seeds of lust can be planted in the mind of a child years before he or she is old enough to act out on what has been growing inside the heart.
The continuum of being lured and enticed to desiring and conceiving sex does not have to happen in a rapid sequence. It can take years for this sequence to bring wreak havoc to a person’s life. In most cases, the allurement and enticement of the porn addict begins in his mind while still a child. This has been a consistent pattern often seen in counselling. A child can be in porn training long before there is awareness from the child or the parents.
- Nonromantic marriage.
A nonromantic marriage sends one porn training message, that only certain kinds of women are porn-worthy. A natural and whole home should be a sexual home. Sex is a God-given gift. In a normal marriage, the couple is not ashamed about their unique sexualities. Unfortunately, many married couples are squeamish, if not prudish about sex and sexuality.
One of the biggest unintended consequences of the nonromantic marriage is how it communicates that certain people are not porn-worthy. Before your mouth completely hits the floor, let me explain. A major characteristic of the porn-trained mind is how some people are worthy to be lusted after and others are not worthy. We all know who is worth our lust-filled attention.
Women certainly know what can draw the attention of a man. This is why so many of them obsess over how they look, how much they weigh, what they wear and the horror of growing old. Though they would not connect this as being porn-worthy, many of them want to be worthy of their husband’s attention—they want to be desired. While this is not necessarily wrong, it can be deadly, especially in a marriage where the wife is not desired.
A husband who does not romantically pursue his wife can send a message to his children that she is not worthy of being pursued. She does not fit his criteria. She is not attractive to him. Add this to filling the child’s mind with sensual TV commercials and movies, and it begins to establish a kind of beauty that is worthy of a person’s gaze—a beauty religion does not exalt.
An effective way to highlight wholesome beauty is for the husband to pursue his wife. Lots of affection between a husband and wife can clarify in the child’s mind what real beauty is. Holding hands, dancing in the living room, hugging for long periods of time and smooching in front of the kids are beautiful examples of who and what is worthy of a man’s love.
- Letting your children see you having sex
This is more common among people in the lower income bracket who live in cramped quarters, but some parents who are well off allow their young children sleep in their bedrooms, exposing these young ones to things they are better off not knowing about. It is one of the reasons why you find some children some kids playing mum and dad games. Under no condition should children be allowed to see parents having sex. Children as young as two years old should not be allowed to share their parents’ beds, to preserve their purity. By that age, it is better that they sleep in another room except they are really sick, and need care/attention, after which they return to their rooms. We think that the child is only is only a kid, but children are very aware and will act out what they see, sex should not be one of those things.
- Allowing your kids see you naked
Children are miniature adults and seeing adults naked affects them in certain ways. For a boy seeing his father’s male organ makes him wonder if his is small, and draws unnecessary attention to his genitals. However, seeing his mother naked has a different effect on him. Many porn addicts confess to being exposed to their mother or female care giver’s nakedness as young children. Many porn addicts confess that they masturbate with the picture of that female form in their minds, or someone very similar. Some mothers are also in the habit of taking their baths with their kids, especially their sons. This is a habit that should be discouraged, you will notice that even boys as young as four years old get erections at such times. Mum, you are simply putting on an X rated movie for you boy, please put a stop to it. Same thing goes for playing with their organs, it is not a toy, please respect their bodies.
- Concludes next edition.
