Much has been said about mature women (married and single) going for younger men for relationships that bother principally on sex, older men (single and married) now preferring girls young enough to be their daughters for marriage. We also have situations where young women, married and single, now form circles of lesbian relationships. The concern in some of these is the inability of one or two of the people involved in a spousal or non –spousal relationship to get adequate sexual satisfaction. Many issues come up when sex related problems declare themselves in normal legal relationships-spousal, non spousal, and are usually not to be trivialized, or ignored because there are no inconsequential matters here. Undoubtedly sex is a major scaffold and the string that holds relationship together so that they don’t fall apart. Most of the sex related problems in the society are not without practical solutions.
Studies have revealed that men and women in the 35-50 year age groups who are the most sex starved of populations, compared with people who are younger, and this is irrespective of race, all other variables controlled for. What do we do when we observe a sudden or gradual decline in our ability to achieve adequate sexual satisfaction in our marriage or normal relationships?- look inwards to see if something in our body outside the genitalia are responsible, the heart, the lungs, brain/mind? Check if we are eating too much, drinking too much or taking medication that weaken our interest or abilities? Do nothing, and hand over everything to God? Heap the blame on our partner and blame God for not given us more virile partners.
Take a closer look at ourselves in the mirror and then seeing we are very beautiful or like Adonis wrap it up and go seek excitement in the arms of younger people Male or female?
These days, it is not really difficult to find relationships and partnerships including multiple partnerships but there are real health risks. It is often not common knowledge that anything that is owned completely by any person and found very pleasurable is like a beast, and if not controlled, will tear it’s owner to pieces- Adventures are not without excitement and pleasures- new sensation, new environment, travels, places, food, clothing, and whatever you may wish to add, but the hidden disadvantages of coital liaisons that are generally accepted as unusual or inappropriate outweigh whatever advantages they have. For an example certain intractable sexually transmitted infections are peculiar and common amongst lesbians.
It is also common knowledge that HIV/AIDS virus is most efficiently transmitted when people engage in anal sex- a route not anatomically adapted for sex. Inappropriate sexual adventures in any discerning individual can very quickly become an obsession, where suicidal ideation, use of drugs (to overcome performance pressure), murder and deadly diseases can take life away prematurely. As the father of a prominent musician summarized it, they live their lives like candles in the winds and simply disappear from the midst of humanity. For an example, the girl child is barely aware of personal hygiene, being very likely to mistake abnormal vaginal discharge as normal, lower abdominal pain of pelvic inflammatory disease as normal menstrual pain, the fever of hepatitis B infection as malaria or typhoid, the painful swelling of bartholins cyst and ulcer of chancroid as boil and the painless ulcer of syphilis as pimple. the squamocolumnar junction of the girl child’s vagina is much lower compared to that of the matured lady.
Combined with her lower capacity to negotiate for safer sex, she is placed at a greater risk for sexually transmitted infections. These are not part of the issues of unwanted pregnancies, septic abortions, vesico vaginal fistulae etc. Research has also revealed that mature ladies with relatively obvious body proportions are less likely to succumb to infections like HIV/AIDS and Hepatitis B. The mechanism is based on the relationship between Leptin receptors in adipose tissues and the antigen presenting cells (APC)
A 36 year old young woman who had regular explosive sexual relationship with her husband claims she simply needed the arms of a young male around her when for reasons she could not explain, she left her husband and after waiting for years and getting snubbed by men, her age agreed to go out with a man much younger than her. She is currently living with HIVAIDS. At first, only her daughter knew about her condition, but soon the school her daughter attends manage to know and now it is all over town.
For men and women aged 35-50 years, Sexual inadequacies may occur in one or more of the following ways;
For men, erectile failure, erectile dysfunction tops the list. It takes different forms in different men depending on age. In flaccid impotence, there is no erection at all and the situation remains ISQ despite efforts by a partner. In erectile dysfunction, there are several problems, erection may not occur and when it is achieved, it is weak or not strong enough to achieve penetration. In some persons, there is erection, but it fails a few minutes after penetration
The most important issue here is age- as we grow older, blood vessels everywhere become narrowed and less elastic. There is no bone in the penis, just muscle and blood vessels; age alters all rheological properties of blood. The number of receptors available for hormones and enzymes to home in are reduced and it is vital to note that the major organs of the body including the eyes, ears , heart, brain/mind, lungs, kidneys are all involved in the action , and so situations of sadness, sorrow, stress, anger, and disease conditions such as diabetes mellitus, hypertension will affect the quality of sex that can be achieved. In the same token, drugs used to treat these diseases of the heart, brain and blood vessels and nerves will reduce or even take away the strength of sexual performance possible .
Alcohol, smoking, excess sugar and obesity are likely to worsen sexual stamina in men older than 35, some will quickly raise the issue of village men who are married with many wives , smoke crude cigarettes and drink plenty of ‘kaikai’. There are many reasons, from the known to the unknown-one of the known is that individual variations exist in the metabolic activities of enzymes which remove and degrade alcohol tobacco and cigarettes, beyond that, it is becoming obvious now that only a mother and DNA paternity tests that can definitely tell who fathered the children she has, about 20% of first born persons are not biologically related to those they call their fathers.
Another common problem equally frustrating to a wife is premature ejaculation. This may happen as soon as body contact is made or a few second after entry. While erectile dysfunction, is common in old age, premature ejaculation is usually due to several factors and tend to occur with younger men. Partner understanding, sympathy and assistance are crucial for these two conditions. It is very important indeed for the woman not to make issues out of the experience, because doing so could lead to a situation where her husband suffers impotence only when he is with her but remains very strong and active with another woman- the psychosomatic integration of the human body for a singular action is as complex as that.
Men experiencing these problems are advised to see a Doctor, but the young man with premature ejaculation has more work to do to help himself if he wants his partner to remain with him . Nothing is more tormenting and women have been known to scream out their frustrations from bedrooms–Doctors with specialist training in these areas talk about the rule of 9, and can be found online. Reducing the frequency of intercourse, graduated stimulation with cooperation from wife are two things you can do
Retarded ejaculation and aorgasmic coitus can be taken together. When experienced early in marriage, a man with retarded ejaculation may cherished as a sex machine, but there is a problem, the reason he does not lose strength is that he is not losing what normal men give away in their sperm ejaculate-large quantities of energy in the form of ATPS (Adenosine triphosphate).
Women are trained by Doctors to bring everything to a close whenever they desire by special conditioning of the vaginal muscles. Affected men are also advised to do SFAC (seminal fluid analysis and culture). They may also avoid intercourse for some time, and also to reduce the frequency of intercourse. When the woman discovers the problem, there is increased tendency for aorgasmic coitus such that even the little that comes out does not get up to the outer 1/3rd of the fallopian tube, fertilization does not occur and infertility results despite regular coitus.
Women more than men in that age group commonly encounter loss of interest in sex and even of enjoying it. It is however more likely for the man to experiment with someone else though temptations can come to anybody even those who appear not to be going out. Sadness, sorrow, illnesses, age and stress are the main causes. Psychotherapy, age appropriate entertainment, sports and entertainment and god communication are often helpful.
For women, Vaginal dryness may occur as a sign of infection or age related decrease in estrogen, stress and other problems of life the man may feel he is no longer physically attracted to his wife and if the situation persists and he is not reassured, he is likely to start going out, creams and counseling for partner understanding may be useful.
Vaginismus, in a woman is diagnosed when uncontrollable contractions of the vagina prevents normal coitus, this condition which may not allow the initiation of coitus at all is to be differentiated from the normal ballooning of the upper portion of the vagina that occurs at the peak phase of sexual excitement.
