It may take an Igbo man a little while before he gets married. But when he does, it is far from a private affair. There are mountains to climb and rivers to cross. And, for all you care, almost everyone in the community is involved. And everyone is happy.
Marriage rites (Igba nkwu) in Igbo land is a relatively expensive and colourful tradition that must be fulfilled before a bride and groom could be proclaimed husband and wife. Without the fulfilment of this rite, all children gotten in such relationship belong to the family of the woman. Apart from this, the children in their father’s home will not be accorded their rights in the congregation of umunna (kinsmen) because they will not be regarded as bonafide members of the community. This explains the belated marriages among Igbo men.
Most men, in order to legitimise their marriage, engage in mass weddings, evening weddings and Easter weddings to enable them fulfill this age-long tradition.
In the primordial periods, it was requisite that girls or maidens in Igbo land should be chaste until they are married. This is so because their purity determines the honour their husbands accord them when they are married. A bride who was discovered to be a virgin on the first night of sleeping with the husband moments after their wedding is honoured and a source of pride both to her parents and husband.
In most cases, the opinions of the intending bride and groom are not sought by their parents who can initiate marriage proposals on behalf of their children. The young-would-be-couple are regarded by their parents as being ignorant of family history and trends and so cannot make viable and right choices.
Not only this, it is also the traditional obligation of a father to source for wives from responsible families for his male children, especially his first male child and sole heir. Most times parents would betroth their kid male child to a kid female child immediately the mother has given birth to her. This is done by putting a stone into a water-laden pot. This ensures that no other person marries her when she grows into adulthood.
For instance, in most communities in Imo State, when a grown-up man usually between the ages of 30 and 35, identifies a girl of his choice, who is normally far younger in age, he conveys his intentions to his parents who will secretly conduct an investigation on the background of the girl’s family and the outcome of such investigation will determine the fate of the marriage.
The family of the bride will also initiate their own secret inquiry to find out the kind of family the groom comes from and his handiwork to ensure that the life and future of their child will be secured.
After these mandatory investigations and both families are satisfied with their findings, a day will be fixed for the bride price negotiations, which is known as Ike Akirika. This ceremony is essentially for men and titled men (Ndichie). And the actual bride price is determined by the level of training a girl is given by her parents, such that those who acquired educational training attract higher prices than those without any formal training.
Usually, the investigations are into the lineage of the girls’ family; whether they are Osu, Ume (outcasts), thieves, liars or people of good character.
After these secret investigations and the girl and her family are found worthy, the family members (Umunna) will approach the family through a middle man called onye ebe. He will act as a guide and middleman throughout the period of consultations, marriage rites and after the bride and groom have wedded in the court, traditionally or in the church. If there is any problem in the course of the marriage, he will be the one to either mediate or collect the bride price and other items which the groom spent in the course of the marriage rites from the parents of the groom for the groom’s family.
When the groom’s family is satisfied with the outcome of their investigations, a date is scheduled for the groom’s family to visit the family of the bride.
During the first visit, kegs of palm wine and a variety of gifts are presented to the girl’s family. This is known as wine for enquiry (mmai ajuju). After this, the second stage will be completion of kegs of wine known in Igbo as mmpazu mmai.
After the mmpazu mmai ceremony, the groom and his family will take a date for the bride’s father’s rites. This is supposedly the greatest of the marital rites when the groom’s family will buy gift items for the bride’s father. This is called in Igbo Nna nwa.
The items include palm wine, schnapps drink, kola nuts, yams, George wrappers, snuff; special traditional wear known as isi agu, walking stick and caps, among others. After the father’s rites, that of the mother follows which is called Nne nwa.
Items for the bride’s mother include pairs of shoes, different kinds of wrapper, head-gear, umbrella, powder, soaps, necklace, wrist watch, cartons of soft drink and bangles, among other items. Apart from these, there are other rites that are performed, especially that of the youth known as Ihe Umuibe.
At the onset, their intensions may not be clearly defined as deliberations are often in parables.
On the fixed day, selected men from both families will assemble at the bride’s home and are treated to variety of sumptuous meal like pounded yam with bitter leaf soup prepared with stock fish and dried bush meat, after which sweet and rich foamy palm wine is savored.
The negotiation proper starts with the eldest member from the bride’s family presenting a bundle of broomstick to their guests. Each of these broom sticks represents an earlier agreed amount of money. The guests, after protracted consultations among themselves, will reduce from the bundle and pass it back to their hosts, who, after exchanging opinions will add more sticks to the bundle and return to their host once more. This haggling continues until a compromise is reached on the exact amount to be paid.
After this, the date for the traditional marriage (Igba Nkwu) is fixed. This ceremony is the grand finale of marriage rites in Igbo land and no expense is spared to make it memorable.
Friends and extended family members are invited from far and near, as this marks the day a girl is formally handed over to her husband and consequently ceases to be a member of her father’s family.
On that day, there would be a lot to eat and drink and local musicians are invited to entertain the audience, who troop out in their thousands to bid farewell to their daughter.
The bride, who is often shy, will be invited to formally identify her husband among thousands of men who gathered.
One of the major features of Igbo traditional marriage is the public search for the prospective husband by the bride. With the palm wine in a native cup which her father gave her, the bride and her retinue of maids, walk round the event venue in search of the groom who purposely sits in a secret corner.
After going round the venue, she will finally see her husband-to-be and would eventually kneel down before him and hands over the cup to him. This will attract a loud ovation from the large crowd and the new bride will lead her husband to her parents, and both will be blessed and declared husband and wife.
The significance of accepting and sipping from the cup of wine is a public witness and bond between the bride and groom agreeing to live together until death separates them.
Having found, given the cup to the groom and he having sipped from the cup of wine, they dance together to where the bride’s parents sit to present her soon-to-be husband to them. The couple then kneels down for parental blessing.
Thereafter, the girl will be escorted to her husband’s house by her peers, who are expected to stay back with her for about four market days, during which she is not allowed to engage in any chore that is taxing.
However colourful this ceremony may be, most Southeast states have moved to reduce the high cost of marriage which has been identified as the reason behind late marriages in the zone.
Chief Vincent Anolum described the payment of bride price in Igbo land as a compulsory rite which he said must be done before a man and woman will begin to live together as husband and wife.
According to him, it is a thing of honour for a woman to be married according to the rites and tradition of our people. It is far more important than the white wedding. Any woman that leaves her parent’s house to live with a man without the payment of the bride price, she is regarded as a “disgrace” to her family.
He added that the payment of bride price is equally another way to measure the ability of the man to take care of a woman.
“If a man is not able to raise the money needed to pay the bride price of his intended wife, how can he fend for the woman and his children? In Igbo land, marriage is not for children but for adults who are prepared,” he said.
