The Nation Newspaper

Tag: infidelity

  • Man allegedly kills wife, sons over ‘infidelity’

    A 35-year-old man, simply identified as Uwaila, has allegedly shot dead his wife and two sons.

    The incident occurred yesterday morning at Ovbiogie village in Ovia North East Local Government.

    The Nation learnt that the man shot through the door into the room where his wife and children ran into and locked themselves in.

    Residents cried when officials of the Federal Road Safety Corps (FRSC) came to evacuate the bodies.

    Narrating what happened, the suspect, who was in police custody, said his wife accused him of having girlfriends.

    He said she threatened to also go out with other men.

    Uwaila said he drove out of the house in anger and returned later to discover that his wife had locked herself and his sons inside one of the rooms.

    He said he shot through the door and the bullet hit them on the bed.

    Police Commissioner Hakeem Odumosu, who visited the scene, said the suspect would be arraigned after investigation.

  • Court dissolves 15-yr-old marriage over infidelity

    Court dissolves 15-yr-old marriage over infidelity

    Mr Ademola Odunade, the President of a Mapo Customary Court in Ibadan on Monday dissolved the  15-year-old marriage between one Oluwole Okeyode and his wife, Kafayat,  over infidelity, distrust and trouble making.

    Odunade dissolved the  union between Oluwole and Kafayat, stating that there  was no more love between them.

    “Rather than living like cat and rat, the court must do the needful before actions capable of threatening the peaceful coexistence of any of you are done.

    “Therefore, Oluwole is given custody of the two children produced by the union.

    “Kafayat is free to visit the children anytime she desires through the avenue provided by the court,” he stated.

    Kafayat, however, bitterly protested the court’s decision, accusing the judge of bias  in awarding the  custody of the children to Oluwole.

    The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reports that Kafayat later took to pleading and crying when the judge threatened to press more criminal charges against her due to the accusation.

    Earlier in his petition, Oluwole, an NURTW  leader at   Olounkemi,  Ibadan, said that his wife was adulterous  and not  fit to be a wife.

    “My lord, if I had known that Kafayat would bring me so much sorrow and regret in life, I wouldn’t have married her in the first place.

    “Anytime I leave home to go and look for money and food for the family, Kafayat would go on her adulterous business.

    “I did not believe  what people around were telling me until I caught her myself.

    “When there was a minor misunderstanding between Kafayat and I, she moved out of my home for seven good years, but I accepted her back again.

    “She came along with another child which was the proceed of her adultery elsewhere.

    “In fact, in one of  instance,  Kafayat smashed my forehead with a thick plank  and I  was  hospitalised for many days.

    “Worst still, she disappeared from my home for about four months now, probably to another man’s home because she is not trust worthy.

    “Please, give me the custody of the two children because Kafayat might corrupt them,” Oluwole said.

    Kafayat  was silent on the allegation of infidelity levelled against her.

    The respondent, who  resides at airport area of Ibadan, said she was still interested in the marriage  to  Oluwole because some of her property were in his custody.

    “My lord, my piece of land is in his custody and I can’t leave my two children alone,” Kafayat said.

  • My wife has turned our home into a brothel, man tells court

    The 22-year-old marriage of Mr Tunji Oyedele, a 60-year-old Lagos businessman, may be dissolved over his wife’s alleged sexual recklessness and infidelity.

    Oyedele told an Igando Customary Court in Lagos, on Wednesday, that his wife, Rumoke, a 55-year-old trader, with whom he had four children, was promiscuous.

    “Whenever I travel, my wife brings men into our house; on two occasions, I caught my wife with her lovers in our bedroom.

    “On one occasion, I came home unannounced and caught her with one of her lovers in our bedroom.

    “On another occasion, I caught her with another man who she claimed was her Pastor.

    “She claimed that the said Pastor wanted to take her to a river for a special bath to avert spiritual attack,” he alleged.

    The petitioner further alleged that his wife was fetish and was always in possession of different charms.

    “I see different strange objects in my bathing water, food and everywhere in the house.

    “There was a day I entered her room in her absence and saw feathers tied with clothes and other diabolical objects.

    “I believe that my persistent illness, which has deferred medical solution, is as a result of her fetish acts.

    “I have been forced to leave my own house because I don’t want to die now,” he said.

    Oyedele presented the pictures of the charms as exhibits, and begged the court to dissolve the marriage as he was no longer in love.

    Rumoke, however, debunked the allegations, and stated that she and her husband had lived in peace until January 2016, when he married a new wife.

    “My husband and I never fought; but immediately he married another woman, his attitude changed.

    “His new wife accused me of sending hired killers to her and my husband turned me into a punching bag,” she said.

    Rumoke told the court that she was not adulterous.

    “The man my husband first saw in our bedroom was my classmate in primary school.

    “The other man was my Pastor, who came for spiritual purpose,” she explained.

    The respondent said that she was not ready to divorce her husband because she was still in love.

  • ‘My hubby accuses me of infidelity’

    A housewife, Mrs. Cecilia Okeke, has asked an Awka Customary Court in Anambra State to dissolve her marriage, following her husband’s accusation of infidelity.

    Mrs. Okeke of Okpuno in Awka North Local Government said she wanted to end the union, which produced two children, for peace to reign.

    A witness called by the respondent, Mr. Obi Okeke, told the court that his relations made efforts to resolve the matter.

    “We told her to call her relatives from Nkerefi in Enugu State to come for a dialogue, only for her to report the case to a human rights defender.

    “What she did next was to bring the case to this court without our notice. She is desperate for divorce,” Mr. Okeke said.

    The petitioner said she was fed up with the marriage and wanted divorce, for peace to reign.

    “He accuses me of infidelity. There is nothing I do that he appreciates. I want to go back to my father’s home,” she said.

    The court adjourned the case till December 15 for further hearing.

  • I caught my wife with her supposed brother, hubby tells court

    I caught my wife with her supposed brother, hubby tells court

    A 40-year-old man, Mr. Sunday Oladipupo, has asked an Orile Agege Customary Court in Lagos to dissolve his marriage with Bukola over alleged adulterous behaviour by his wife.

    “I caught my wife in bed with her supposed brother, I want a divorce,” Oladipupo, a driver, told the court on Thursday.

    The complainant lives at 7, Nmbosi Avenue, AIT Road, Alakuko, a suburb of Lagos told the court.

    “I caught my wife red-handed with a man she introduced to me as her brother, they were both naked and in the act.

    “She pushed me to beating her because I always feel jealous anytime I see her with another man.

    “Before I kill her and myself, it is better we part ways,” he said.

    Oladipupo claimed that Bukola did not respect him and left home at will and returned when she liked.

    He said that his wife left home since September 2015 with his children, aged four and nine years.

    “She was pregnant when she left my house but the most painful part was that her man friend called me on phone and told me to ask my wife about the paternity of our two children,” he said.

    The complainant told the court that he was tired of the union and wanted a divorce.

    However, Bukola denied the allegation but supported the dissolution of the union.

    “I am not adulterous and I was not pregnant when I left his house in 2015.

    “I left home because he beat me anyhow, I did not have peace of mind with him, I am tired of the marriage, I support the dissolution,” she said.

    The Court President, Dr Kayode Whenu, told the couple to maintain the peace and adjourned the matter to May 10 for further hearing.

     

  • Man to court: I caught my wife in our neighbour’s room

    Man to court: I caught my wife in our neighbour’s room

    A 59-year-old physically challenged man, Mr Olaiya Adeagbo, has pleaded with an Igando Customary Court in Lagos to dissolve his 23-year-old marriage, accusing his wife of infidelity.

    He told the court on Monday that that his wife with whom he had four children, was having an affair with his neighbour.

    “I always received a tip-off from our neighbours that my wife is having an affair with one of our neighbours who was a bachelor.

    “That fateful day, I came back home earlier and could not find her in our room, two of my neighbours told me that they sighted her when she sneaked into her lover’s room.

    “I went to knock on his door but he refused to open after hearing my voice.

    “I continued knocking and he later opened his door, and I saw my wife hiding behind his door sweating and panting, I greeted her and left.

    “After some days, her lover died and my wife disappeared from the house without taking anything and refused to come back.

    “My wife later went to marry another man, who also died after some months of their marriage,” he said.

    The petitioner also told the court that his wife fights a lot with their neighbours.

    “My wife fights a lot, she fought with our pregnant neighbour but the woman died the following morning.

    “Every house we rented, we are always evicted because of her frequent fighting with me and neighbours; she once stabbed me with a knife,” he said.

    He urged the court to terminate the marriage as his life was not safe and that he was no longer interested in the union.

    In her submission, the wife, Mrs Taiwo Adeagbo, 46, also accused her husband of committing adultery.

    She told the court that man her husband saw her with was her benefactor not her lover.

    “I am not having any affair with that our neighbour, he was only my benefactor who always meet my needs as my husband is not responsible, but unfortunately he is no more,” she said.

    The mother of four said her husband had at one point eloped with her best friend.

    “My husband always bring home different women claiming they have one problem or another; he once ran away with my best friend to unknown destination for three-months,” she added.

    She begged the court to grant her husband’s wish and terminate the marriage as she too was no longer interested in the union.

    The President of the court, Mr Adegboyega Omilola, after listening to the couple, adjourned the case to May 10 for further hearing

     

  • Woman seeks divorce over sex starvation

    Woman seeks divorce over sex starvation

    A Sales Manager, Mrs Okome Obasare, 41, on Wednesday pleaded with an Igando Customary Court in Lagos to terminate her marriage because her husband had denied her sex for three years.

    Okome, a mother of three, who accused her husband of infidelity, said that her husband had also barred her from entering his room.

    “My husband is dating our church woman leader and he always brings her home to pass the night.

    “When he chased me out of his house in 2013, that very day the woman packed in,’’ the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) quotes the estranged woman as saying.

    “After evicting me from the house, he told my children that I was dead that they will never see me again,” she said.

    The petitioner said she had lost two pregnancies through constant beating by her husband.

    She told the court that her husband with whom she had three children in their 14-year-old marriage was a wife-beater.

    “My husband always beat me with wire and on two occasions, I bleed and lost my pregnancy and after that he gave me money for Dilation and Curettage.

    “He stops me from working and locks me inside the house and he will not allow me to go out, he beats me anytime he sees me outside or a visitor comes to visit me.”

    Obasare pleaded with court to end the marriage, saying she was no longer interested and that the court should order her husband to always grant her access to their children.

    But her husband, Ese, 59, a civil servant, denied all the allegations.

    He said that his wife did not lose any pregnancy.

    “My wife did not lose any pregnancy; she always gives birth to a baby anytime she is pregnant.”

    Ese said that his wife always flouted his orders and that he could not take that as head of the family.

    “My wife always disobeys my orders, she is disrespectful, she goes out at will and come back at will,” he said.

    The respondent said that he did not chase his wife out of his house but that she left on her own.

    He told court to grant his wife’s divorce wish, saying that he too was no longer interested in the union.
    The President of the court, Mr Adegboyega Omilola, after listening to the estranged couple, adjourned the case till May 24 for judgment.

     

  • Man arrested for killing wife’s lover

    Man arrested for killing wife’s lover

    A middle aged man, Moses Alugo has been arrested by men of the Ondo state police command over the alleged murder of his wife’s lover.

    Alugo was said to have warned the deceased to desist from sleeping with his wife, before he finally took law into his hands.

    The incident which occurred in Ode Aye in Okitipupa local government area of Ondo State threw the community in pandemonium.

    It was gathered that the deceased had been buried by some villagers at Akinpelu camp, Ode-Aye before the information got to the police.

    The state Police Public Relations Officer (PPRO), Mr. Femi Joseph who confirmed the incident said members of the community quickly buried the deceased before the police could get to the place.

    The Police Image-maker said the case has been transferred to the state CID for further investigation.

    He described the incident as unfortunate and warned the people against taken laws into their hands.

  • Coping with infidelity

    AT the beginning, we could not get enough of each other after our joyous wedding.  I felt on top of the world. Three years later, my husband started going out a lot with a group of friends. Initially I must be sincere with you I did not see anything wrong with him hanging out with the boys.

    After some months, his attitude began to change towards me. He started avoiding certain things we did together. He picked at everything I did. My husband was always comparing me with some of his friends’ wives. I thought he would stop after a while. Instead, the situation got worst. He kept late nights and came home drunk.

    My husband is now dating a girl he met in their joint. I got to know when I read through his phone messages on a day he was drunk.  Now, I am very angry and feel betrayed. Now, his presence irritates me. I need your help on what to do.

    Name withheld.

     

    I must commend you for sharing your problem. Who knows there might be someone experiencing the same thing. A problem shared is a problem half solved. Thanks for your text message. The feeling of being neglected and unfaithfulness in marriage is really very painful. Your feelings towards your spouse at this point in time are natural and it’s as a result that your trust has been betrayed by not just anybody but someone you loved very much. You need to grieve the loss. Infidelity can happen to anyone. As hurtful as it seems, understanding infidelity can be of help to the offended spouse. Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding much easier because there are several types of unfaithfulness.

    Sexual addiction: Those ones who go after anything in skirt. Those who don’t have an iota of self- discipline when it comes to sex. Such people need help because it is like an illness.

    Other type is entangled affair. It starts from being good friends that have a common ground, share common jokes, enjoy some bits of things here and there. If not addressed immediately, it can lead to a long time very intimate relationship. Some end up keeping such ladies as their mistresses, running two homes conveniently.

    In addition is the one-night-stand. A one-time affair without any string attached, no exchange of contact. No plan of having a relationship.

    With the knowledge of the type of affair your spouse is involved,  it will help you get beyond the hurt. However, here are more solution tips to infidelity. Understanding the causes is the beginning of your healing.  So you will have to confront him or her with a proof, plan and purpose. In the process, you really need to have a plan. Choose the right time and place carefully so that you can discuss the issue at length. Present the evidence you have before him/her for example, the name, dates, places, phone calls or messages or physical evidence as the case may be. Then, ask all the questions  about the affair: why he did it, how it started, how long the affair has been going on, ask how he feels towards the lady and what are his plans now that you know.  However, you may have to accept that your spouse may not know why the infidelity took place. Watch his reaction. That will tell you how deep he is in the affair, how sorry, or that it was just peer pressure. In the process, be calm, don’t talk in anger or bitterness.   As painful as the case is, it doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be renewed and strengthened because it can.

    Listen attentively to his response without interruption, so that you can accurately assess the situation. Observing these steps might help you and your spouse to know your weakness and your strength. After all said and done, if he is deeply sorry and ask for your forgiveness, forgive him.

    Let’s face it. What has happened has happened. The way forward is important, so give him a second chance. Don’t get me wrong. Infidelity is wrong and cannot be justified. The fact that most people around you are doing it does not make it right because you took an oath before God and man to remain faithful to your spouse.

    Time is also another factor. It is going to take time for the wound to heal. This is expected, so you will have to go through all your emotions. The healing process might be slow, but you will definitely get over it. Next on the list is the blaming attitude. Learn not to be too hard on yourself. Some see their spouses’ infidelity as their fault. Listen, infidelity is a matter of choice. So don’t blame yourself for it.

    Moreover, take care of yourself; you may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhoea, sleep problems (little or too much) shakiness, difficulty in concentrating and not wanting to eat or go into comfort eating. If you are experiencing these, it is time for you to turn your situation for good.

    Get busy by putting activity into your lifestyle, take up exercise of your choice. Start eating healthy, look good for yourself and be happy. In doing so, you will discover that balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity.

    If you know you cannot handle the situation on your own, it is advisable that you get professional help because the counsellor will treat you and your spouse with respect, no bias feeling, separating the situation at hand, so that honest positive and negative feedback can be obtained to enable both spouse align effectively.

    Finally, avoid contacting or investigating the lady in question. You have no business with the lady. Your business is with your spouse who cheated on you. Don’t go after the lady for any reason because it might turn against you. No matter the condition, every man loves to be respected.

     

    Harriet Ogbobine is a counsellor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08054682598. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj

  • How to overcome trauma of infidelity (2)

    LAST week, we gave tips on ways to deal with unfaithfulness after sharing the experience of our reader that asked for help. Today’s article is a continuation of last Saturday edition. Here are more steps to take in solving the issue of infidelity in marriage.

    Take care of yourself: You may start experiencing some physical reactions to the infidelity,  for instance,  nausea, diarrhoea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or some go into comfort eating as the case may be. The way to deal with it is to see it as a wake-up call. As painful as it seems, it is time for you to rise above the situation, instead of sitting down feeling sad, or feeling sorry for yourself, looking rejected

    . Turn the situation around by changing your appearance. Make out time to visit the hairdresser, for instance, look after yourself. Lose the weight, if you are on the big side and start eating correctly. This will occupy your mind and also give you joy.

     

    Balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity. Force yourself to eat healthy food to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water and to have some fun. You need to observe all these in order to go through the emotional pain you are experiencing.

    Another important step is personal change. I mean you have to change. I know you will be wondering why I said you should learn to change instead of your spouse who betrayed you by being unfaithful. This is how it works, depending on his or her personality type. Some feel really sorry because they were caught, some are truly sorry, some don’t care. Whatever the personality, certain behaviour will be expected from you.

    So instead of praying for him to change, pray to God to change you so that you will be able to deal with the situation at hand. Keep being kind, loving, respectful and caring.

    Your behaviour, irrespective of the unfaithfulness, will definitely drop a message in his or her heart. Don’t get me wrong. As a human being, the initial anger, pain and disappointment will play up. It is natural to be upset. Some express their pain in different ways, but don’t drag it for too long. Forgive so that your marriage can move on.

    It’s okay and healthy to laugh.

    Watch some funny movies or TV shows. Spend some time with people who make you smile. Life goes on in spite of heartache and unfaithful spouses.

    Tears are healthy too. If you feel like crying, cry, it will make you feel better.

    Keep a journal: Some people feel better when they put down their feelings. If it will help you deal with the act of infidelity, then write your thoughts and your feelings. Another way to actually forgive him or her is to write down all his or her good and bad qualities and consider the ones that are  the same as yours.

    Ask all the questions you want. Talk with your spouse about the infidelity. You may have to accept that your spouse may not know why the infidelity took place.

    Seek counselling: Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone, If you cannot handle it, seek help from a trained counselor.

    Take it one day at a time: Both you and your spouse should be tested for AIDS/HIV and STDs before you resume sexual intimacy without protection.

    Consider what boundaries you need in your marriage in order to stay in the marriage.

    Your children need to know that you are going to be okay. You can’t hide the fact that you are going through a trauma. Be honest with your children, but don’t weigh them down with details about how your spouse cheated you. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep

    Try not to get into the blaming game over whom or what caused the infidelity? It’s just wasted energy. That includes blaming the third party. It won’t change anything.

    You may have post-traumatic stress. If you are jumpy, yell at trivial actions, feel like you are walking on egg shells, and continue to have physical reactions when you are reminded of the infidelity, see a physician as soon as you can.

    It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. Don’t expect the mixture of feelings, sense of confusion, limbo and mistrust to go away just because you’ve tried to forgive your spouse and made a commitment to save your marriage.

    Think twice before you tell your family or your spouse’s family about the infidelity. Family members can often hold grudges for a long time.

    What you need: Healthy diet, exercise, drink plenty of water, laughter, time to heal, willingness to forgive.

    Suggested reading : Take up reading interesting books or magazines

    How to rebuild trust: Improve your health by forgiving your spouse and

    get busy with work so that you think less.

    Visiting a counsellor to put both spouses through a healing process is a good idea.

    Simply having a therapist listening to your pain, disorientation and devastation helps the betrayed spouse.

    Validating the emotions that he or she is feeling is very important as it normalises his or her reaction.

    Finally, when you are going through this recession, take it one step at a time. Learn to have a free mind and remove every suspicious feeling, if you want to restore your marriage.

    Don’t keep reminding him  or her about the past. Instead, evaluate your marriage. See how you can spice it up a bit. Never mind if you are the one making the sacrifice. Your spouse will respond in no time.

    Good news is that there are couples out there going through infidelity in marriage and their marriage is waxing stronger. It is stronger because what causes the cheating somehow seems to come out somewhere towards the end. These couples are able to apply what they learn, work on it together and create an environment in their relationship that prevents infidelity from happening again.

     

    Harriet ogbobine is a counselor and a motivational speaker. Send your questions and suggestions to her on bineharriet@gmail.com or txt message only 08023058805. You can also follow her on twitter: @bineharrietj