The Nation Newspaper

Tag: lifestyle

  • My love of an extravagant lifestyle and greed for money led my husband into crime (3)

    ABOUT a week later, I brought up the matter of the trip abroad to my husband again but he made it abundantly clear that there was no money to embark on it at that time. He said we could wait till a few years time when his two younger brothers that he was sponsoring at the university graduated and the financial burden on him was reduced.

    “Just be patient, dear. We will travel at the appropriate time. God’s time is the best,” he said reassuringly.

    But I was not ready to listen to his sermon about being patient. I so much wanted to travel; and I felt it was his responsibility as my husband to do things to make me happy so what was all this talk about being patient?

    ‘Afterall, my name is not Patience,’ I thought to myself one day as I was mulling over the matter. ‘My mates are out there having fun and he says I should be patient! Till when?’

    So, one Saturday evening, on his return from an engagement, I drew his attention to a company’s website on the computer that organised trips to different locations in the world with a nice discount for family bookings.

    “Honey, it will be less expensive if we book online. Maybe we should try them,” I said, looking at the screen.

    “Annette, what’s the matter with you? I’ve told you before that we can’t afford this vacation right now. I just don’t have the money for it,” said Hilary.

    “That’s what you say all the time- you never have money for anything to do with me. But if it’s your relatives, money will miraculously appear from nowhere!”

    That did not go well with my husband and he made that clear.

    “And what’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded angrily. “Are you saying I don’t take enough care of you? Or the children? Are you now saying I’m a bad husband just because I refused to sponsor your frivolous holiday abroad?” he queried.

    “Call it whatever you like. All my friends are going off to exotic places this period while am stuck here in Nigeria. Why should I be different? Do they have two heads?” I countered.

    “Can you just hear yourself? So, you want to be like your friends now, abi? Has it entered that mind of yours that our situation, money wise is different? In case you have forgotten, let me remind you that I’m just an ordinary employee where I work and not the owner of the business. We are not multi-millionaires like your friends,” he stated firmly.

    “That’s your problem. All I know is that I’m travelling this year whether you like it or not,” I told him.

    “This your new found attitude of wanting to live beyond your means, live a flamboyant lifestyle like your friends will get you nowhere. You have to learn to cut your coat according to your size. Stop imitating what others are doing. You should be satisfied with what God has blessed us with,” he maintained.

    I did not answer him but simply left the room and went to the kitchen to start preparing dinner.

    If my husband thought that I had given up, he was in for a surprise. I kept on nagging him about the issue for days. When he still did not budge, I began denying him sex and any intimacy. I moved to the children’s room and refused to return to our bedroom despite his pleadings. Not just that, I started going out more frequently and returned home late. We had a house maid who did most of the housework and also took care of the children so I had a lot of time on my hands.

    The fight

    One evening, I returned home very late at about 10 pm to meet my husband standing in front of our apartment, his hands folded on his chest. He looked really angry, like he was ready to pounce on me any minute.

    “And where are you coming from at this time of the night?” he demanded, glancing at his watch.

    “I went to see a friend and…” I began to say but he cut me off.

    “You went to see a friend? You left the children at home with the maid since morning and you are just returning now. Have you forgotten you are a housewife, Annette. You are not a career woman so you have no excuse for staying out late like those women who work,” he noted.

    “Look, Hilary, I’m tired and need to rest. So, stop with all these questions,” I said and pushing him aside, went into the house.

    He followed me inside the house. The children were already asleep and the maid was with them.

    “I hope they ate before sleeping,” I asked her.

    “Yes, Madam. I gave them dodo and beans as you instructed,” she replied.

    I went to the kitchen to find something to eat as I was hungry. I was warming some rice in the microwave when my husband entered the kitchen.

    “Your movements these days is becoming suspicious. You go out all the time and return late. Tell me, are you having an affair or what, Annette?” he asked.

    I ignored him and continued with what I was doing.

    He came to where I stood and grabbing my hand, said:

    “I’m talking to you, woman! Answer me! Are you cheating on me?”

    “And what if I am! Afterall, I’m still young and attractive even after two kids and men chase me all the time. So, if my husband can’t give me what I want, maybe somebody else outside will,” I said with a sneer.

    “You dare open your mouth and tell me this bullshit? How dare you!” he said angrily, followed by two resounding slaps on my face. I screamed and covered my face and head with my hands in protection as he repeatedly hit me. He was about hitting me again but was stopped by the maid who had run into the kitchen on hearing my screams.

    “You better watch yourself, woman if you want us to continue living together in this house. I won’t tolerate my wife gallivanting all over the place, prostituting herself. You hear me?” he threw at me as the maid led me out of the kitchen.

    The following day, I went to see my friend, Runo. She was shocked when she saw the bruises on me from the beating my husband gave me.

    “You mean he did this to you just because you want a vacation abroad? How much will it cost him? He must be a stingy man!” she said.

    She brought out her first aid kit and applied some medication on the cuts on my face and arm.

    That day, I did not return home but spent the night at Runo’s place. My husband kept calling to know my whereabouts but I refused to pick his calls. He also sent text messages, apologizing for what he did, promising that he would never lay a finger on me again as long as he lived.

    By the third day, I wanted to go home as I was missing my children whom the maid said had been asking for me.

    But Runo did not want me to return yet, stating that Hilary needed to be taught a lesson.

    “You need to be firm. Stand your ground and don’t give in too easily or he will continue to take you for granted and be treating you like a punching bag,” she explained.

    I had been in Runo’s house for about a week when my husband showed up on her doorstep one evening. He had never been there before so I wondered how he was able to locate the place.

     

    He was full of apologies.

    “Please, honey forgive me! It will never happen again, I promise. I miss you so much. The children too miss you. Please come home!” he pleaded over and over.

    Seeing how remorseful he looked, I finally gave in and agreed to return but on one condition.

    “Anything you want, just name it. I will do anything for you. I just want you back!” he stated.

    “Alright. All I want is that vacation, that’s all,” I said.

    To my surprise, he readily agreed to my demand.

    “I told you he will agree to your demands in the end. You just have to know how to manipulate men to get what you want from them,” Runo stated later as I went to the guest room to pick my bag and the few belongings I had come with.

    I don’t know how my husband raised the money but a few weeks later, he had made all the necessary arrangements for our trip to the U.K. We planned to stay with his cousin Johnny who had been living there for over ten years and was a British citizen.

    I was so happy when the day of our journey finally arrived and we flew out of the country…

    To be continued

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmai.com

  • My love of an extravagant lifestyle and greed for money led my husband into crime (2)

    THOUGH my husband’s point about the new house he was building on the outskirts of the city was valid, I still pressed on.

    I pointed out that the house might take another year or even two to be completed and what will we be doing till then? Continue to live where we were with all the noise around? I said.

    “Well, there’s nothing I can do about this matter now. Instead of going to rent another house somewhere you prefer, is it not better I invest the money in our own home that I’m building?” he stated.

    The argument went on for a while but my husband was not ready to budge from his stand. So I left things hanging for the meantime, to be renewed another day.

    To compensate, I collected a large sum of money from him to renew my wardrobe and those of the children. I spent most of the cash on myself as I needed to buy some new designer clothes and accessories so as to meet up with my new found friends. Runo and her friends had so much money, they did not think twice about spending half a million naira on just one pair of designer shoes and bag. I was not up to their level yet but I was working towards that.

    I saw Runo regularly and her friends as well whom I had become close to. About once a month, these ladies would all meet up either in Runo’s house or the home of another person in the group. I was always invited to all the get-togethers which involved lots of eating, drinking, some dancing and chatting or ‘gossiping’ as my husband would say.

    On a certain month, when it was Runo’s turn to play host, I got ready and drove to her house in the Lekki area of the city.

    Due to the traffic on the way, I was late and the others were already there when I arrived. There were five of them including Runo. They were discussing their plans for the summer break and the only lady married with kids amongst them Marie, spoke about the new place she was planning to explore that year.

    “I’m thinking of taking the kids to Barbados. I heard its lovely this time of the year; want to try something new. We were in Dubai last year. We stayed a month and the kids loved it so much, they didn’t want to come back. But of course, I had to return to keep an eye on that ‘big flirt’ and ‘skirt chaser’ that calls himself my husband!” Marie said with a smirk. The others laughed though I did not know what was funny about a lady calling her husband names before her friends.

    “You girls are finding it funny. It’s no joke o! Do you know that when the kids and I were in the States two years ago for the summer, my husband practically camped a girl in my home for weeks in my absence. It was one of the maids that spilled the beans when I called the house one day and a strange lady answered the phone. Trust me. I was on the next available flight to Nigeria!” This elicited more laughter from them all.

    Looking at these ladies, I was struck by one thing- their relaxed attitude towards life. Because of their wealth and status, they hardly worried about money; how to spend it was their main concern. Their lives revolved around their designer clothes and accessories, expensive beauty regimen, the best holiday destinations for their endless vacations, getting good domestic staff to keep their luxurious homes running smoothly so they don’t have to lift a finger in doing house work, the best spots to hang out in town, the best diets to keep the ‘fat at bay’ and stay slim and so on…

    “So, tell us Annette, where are you taking your kids to for the holidays?” asked Patra, another lady in the group, turning to me. Patra was the only daughter of a former Minister, politician and businessman, who was on the board of so many top companies in the country, even the old man had lost count of the number. Suffice to say, Patra was born not just with a golden spoon but a dozen. She was rich beyond belief. Each time I saw her, she was always driving a new, exotic-looking car that looked as if it had just been delivered by the manufacturers. “Patra gets bored easily so she changes her cars like normal people change their underwear,” Runo had told me once when we had been talking about her.

    “Em, I’m not too sure but my husband is thinking of taking us to London this year,” I stated a bit hesitantly.

    “London? That boring old place? Why not somewhere more interesting and exciting?” stated

    “Yes, it will be boring to you as you were born and grew up there,” pointed out Runo, handing a fresh drink to her.

    “Thanks, darling. But I got out the first chance I got. After I left secondary school, I gave my dad two options: either the U.S or Nigeria for my higher education or I won’t go to the University. It took him less than five seconds to decide!” Lola noted with a chuckle.

    “He should have allowed you to attend a Uni in Nigeria so you can see the other side of life,” put in Mira, another lady in the group who had been silent all along.

    “What? And spend 7 or 8 years doing a four year course with all the incessant strikes by the teachers? No, thank you!” she stated.

    I sat, sipping my drink and listened as she and two of the other ladies who had schooled abroad, reminisced about their school days in foreign lands, their exploits and the fun they had had.

    ‘You girls don’t know how lucky you are for having rich parents who could send you to some of the best schools in the world,’ I thought, feeling a little bit envious of them.

     

    ***

    Back home later that day, I wondered why I had lied about my holiday plans. Thing is, I had no plans at all and never had. My family had never been on a foreign vacation. The furthest we had gone was to Hilary’s village in the East two years before for the Christmas and New Year festivities. I had never travelled out of the country, though I had always wanted to. But the funds had never been available for such a trip.

    I felt this would be a good opportunity to realize my ambition of travelling out as well as ‘catching up with Runo and her group’ who were widely travelled and very cosmopolitan intheir outlook. I so much wanted to belong, to become a ‘high class’ lady like them that I was ready to do anything to achieve my aim.

    So, one day, after my husband returned from work, looking worn out and stressed, I said:

    “Honey, you are working too hard these days. You need to take it easy o!”

    “I know my darling. But what can a man do? I have to work hard to provide well for you and our children,” he said as he undressed and prepared to take a bath.

    “But that should not be at the expense of your health. I don’t want anything to happen to you o!” I stated, hugging him tight.

    Later, as we lay in bed, I brought up the issue again, stating that it was time he took a break from work ‘so we could go on a vacation’ as a family.

    “We could even go abroad, say to London. What do you think, dear?” I asked, sitting up.

    “Sounds good. But that will cost a lot of money for five of us, with tickets, visa costs, accommodation and other expenses,” he replied.

    “But we could stay with your cousin, Johnny. You said he lives alone in a big house,” I argued, not ready to be dissuaded from my dream of travelling abroad.

    “I know. But you know these ‘abroad’ people. They are not as accommodating as our people here, maybe because of the many bills they pay. Anyway, I really need to sleep now as I have a busy day at work tomorrow; the auditors are coming, you know. We will talk about this some other time. Goodnight, dear,” he said, planting a kiss on my lips before turning away. Within minutes, he was asleep, snoring softly.

    I stayed awake, scheming and planning on ways of making my husband agree to sponsor at least the children and I for the trip. This time, I was not ready to listen to excuses.

    To be continued

  • My love of an extravagant lifestyle and greed for money led my husband into crime (1)

    YES. Everything the title of my story says is true about me and more. Infact, if I say all the things I did just to live the good life, my story will not end before Christmas.

    I now know what I did was wrong and I’ve made so many mistakes in life which I’m paying for right now. My husband is no more with me as he is paying for the crimes he committed and my two children have been taken away. As if that is not bad enough, I’ve been struck by a strange ailment that has defied all cure. My life is a big mess right now and I have no one to blame but myself. And all for what? Just to be on the same level or even higher than my wealthy friends? Was it all worth it?

    ***

    My tale began when I met Hilary, my husband of ten years. It was at the company where he worked then. I had gone there for a job interview and Hilary was one of those on the panel conducting the oral part of the interview.

    Later, as I was leaving the company, the receptionist told me her ‘Oga’ wanted to see me. It was Hilary, who turned out to be the Chief Accountant in the company.

    When I went up to see him in his office, he congratulated me on my performance, saying that he had been impressed by my response to the tough questions I was asked. That day, he raised my hopes by stating I could be among the lucky ones picked for the few vacant positions the company wanted to fill.

    Based on that, I looked forward to getting good tidings of a job offer soon. So, you could imagine my shock some weeks later when the names of successful candidates came out and my name was not on it. It was when I contacted Hilary that he told me what had happened.

    He said my name which was originally on the list had been substituted at the last minute by another candidate who was the relative of one of the directors of the company.

    “Honestly, I tried my best to ensure you got the job but the ‘powers that be’ had their way. But don’t worry, Annette. I’m sure something good will come along soon. So, take heart,” he said. Though disappointed, I felt touched at his concern for me. This was a man I did not know showing so much interest in my wellbeing, and in a society where many people have grown selfish and wicked and only cared about themselves and personal interests.

    Anyway, after that initial encounter, Hilary and I became friends. Back then, he was close to forty, divorced from his first wife whom he said abandoned her matrimonial home when things were rough for him at a point in his life. He had a daughter, Estelle, who was already in junior secondary school when we met. One day, he invited me to his house where I met Estelle who was on holidays from the boarding school she attended then. At 12, she was tall for her age and looked quite mature.

    “She’s growing fast. She needs a mother around at this time to guide her,” I told Hilary as I left his house that day.

    “I know. But getting a woman who would take on that responsibility isn’t easy,” he stated.

    “Just keep praying. God will answer you one of these days,” I opined.

    Not long after that, Hilary informed me that God had answered his prayers and that he had found the woman after his heart.

    I remember it was a weekend and I was at home, taking a break from job hunting when Hilary called me to break the news to me.

    “I want to introduce you to her so you can assess her for me as a fellow woman,” he said. Later that evening, I went to Hilary’s house to meet his prospective wife. On getting there, he was alone in the house. Estelle and the maid had gone to the market to do some shopping, he said as he saw me looking around the living-room.

    “But where’s the lady you said you want to marry?” I asked, puzzled.

    “She’s right here, in front of me,” he stated, drawing close to me.

    “But…” I began to say, then it dawned on me. I was the one he wanted to marry!

    “Yes. Annette. You are the one I want, as my wife and Estelle’s mother,” he said. Then he went down on one knee and brought out a case from his pocket.

    Inside was a beautiful engagement ring.

    To be honest, I did not see the proposal coming. All along, I had just regarded Hilary as an older friend and even ‘brother’ who was always kind and generous to me. Yet, here he was, wanting to marry me. That day, I did not outrightly accept Hilary’s proposal but simply told him  to give me time to think about it.

    It took me a week to decide whether to marry him or not. The truth was that I was not in love with him, I simply liked him as a person, not as a lover. But he assured me, the love he felt for me should be enough for both of us and that I would grow to love him later. So, based on that and encouragement from my parents who saw Hilary as a mature, responsible man, I accepted him.

    ***

    Hilary and I settled down to married life after our wedding. In less than three years, I had two babies, a boy and a girl. My husband was so happy at the births of the children whom he said made the family complete. As for Estelle, she was so excited at having younger siblings to dote on and spoil.

    Everything was going well until a few years after our marriage when I met up with Runo, an old school mate and one of my best friends in school. We had not seen each other for a long time after we left school. It was at a meeting of our Old Girls association that I reconnected with her and other old mates of mine.

    I was impressed when I saw her. She had become what we call ‘a big girl’. She had a fleet of posh cars and lived in a big apartment in one of the most exclusive estates in the city where mostly wealthy foreign workers lived. She told me she used to work in an oil company but resigned a few years before to start her own business.

    “I now do supplies, contracts and other businesses with the government and some blue chip companies,” she informed me when I visited her at home one Saturday. I marveled at the beauty and classy look of her home, wondering how she was able to achieve so much at her age.

    “Seriously, Runo, I envy you o! This place is like a mini palace,” I stated.

    She laughed and offered me a drink from her well-stocked bar.

    As I returned home that day, I kept thinking about what I had seen in Runo’s house. Though my husband and I were not doing badly and lived quite well and comfortably, compared to Runo’s lifestyle, we were like paupers. I did not even have a car of my own yet Runo had over five state-of- the art cars! Not just that, the rent she paid in her apartment in a month which she told me was in dollars, was enough to build a nice house in the suburbs.

    Looking back now, I think it was from that day that my desire to live the high life like Runo began. I felt that if Runo, who was not even as brilliant as I was back in our school days, could have all those good things and live so well, why not I?

    That day, I told my husband that I needed a car as I was tired of walking everywhere or occasionally taking cabs whenever I went out. Fortunately, he said he had had it in mind to get me one so he did not mind. The car he bought for me, a used or Tokunbo model, was not bad, thought could not be compared to one of Runo’s classy models.

    With time, I met some of Runo’s close circle of friends and they soon became my friends too. Most of them were single, high flying ladies with so much money to burn, I wondered if they had direct assess to the vaults of the Central Bank.

    One day, one of them named Lola who got married not long before we met, invited us to the new home she and her husband had just moved into in the G.R.A. It was a very beautiful place with its own swimming pool, gym, a tennis court and other facilities. As I gazed around in admiration, I wondered what it was like to live in such a house and in such a beautiful and serene environment. I compared it to our three bedroom apartment in the area of the city where we lived and the difference was clear.

    I wanted a house like that too, not minding the fact that my husband’s income could barely pay the rent for a BQ in that expensive location.

    So, a short while later, I drew my husband’s attention to the fact that our neighbourhood was becoming too noisy and we needed to relocate to a more quiet place.

    “Honey, my friend Lola and her husband just moved to the GRA last week. I think it’s time we upgraded to a posh environment as this neighbourhood is getting too noisy and crowded,” I said.

    “You are right, my Sweet. But those areas are expensive. You know we can’t afford it for now. Besides, you know about my building project near Mowe. We will leave here once it’s completed,” he replied.

    To be continued

    Names have been changed to protect the identity of the narrator and other individuals in the story.

    Send comments/suggestions to 08023201831(sms only), psaduwa@yahoo.com or psaduwa007@gmail.com

  • MallforAfrica emerges highest rated app

    MallforAfrica emerges highest rated app

    ALLFORAFRICA.com, a new lifestyle mobile application has debuted as the third highest ranking lifestyle App on the Apple App Store.

    By this rating, the MallforAfrica App has emerged as the highest rated App ever targeted at an African audience.

    The MallforAfrica App is an online mall with over 80 of the top United States brands in the world, including Amazon, Carters, Payless, Macy’s and Walmart.

    Major UK brands that are popular amongst Africans, such as Marks and Spencer, Next, Zara, Selfridges and T.M. Lewin are also available in the online mall.

    Chris Folayan, a Silicon Valley entrepreneur, who along with his brother, Tope Folayan, founded MallforAfrica to address the issues Africans face with buying products from outside the continent explains, “We strategically launched the App on the Android and Windows platforms first, because these platforms, particularly the Android platform have the higher number of users within the continent and especially in Nigeria, which is the first market we are targeting.

    “However, as Apple devices become more popular, we have had to expedite the launch of the App on Apple App platform and are quite pleased with the reception from users.”

    It is estimated that the MallforAfrica App gives shoppers access to over 8 billion items, across the 80 stores in the online mall.  This makes the mall’s inventory larger than all the physical malls in Nigeria combined.

     

  • Waconzy’s new lifestyle

    Waconzy’s new lifestyle

    For Obinna Kelvin Anyanwu, popularly known as Waconzy, it is time again to glorify God for His blessings in his life.

    Having worked very hard last year, he recently took delivery of another wonder-on-wheel, a 2013 Mercedes Benz E-class said to be worth about N15million.

    This is in addition to the two Range Rover SUVs he acquired last year.

    Over the years, Waconzy, who has won several awards, has grown from an upcoming artiste to one of the top acts in the industry by creating a niche for himself, musically.

  • Using lifestyle to connect with consumers

    As competition in the market place gets fiercer, lifestyle positioning has become the catch-phrase among brand managers to connect with their customers in other to create positive consumer experience in market categories where functional differences are hard to maintain.

    By connecting with consumers on a more personal level, contemporary brand managers hope to break free from aggressive competition and carve a niche for their brands through line extension that speaks to specific lifestyles.

    With lifestyle brands positioning gaining more adoption as a result of the experiences the offer in connecting consumers with brands, their radio jingles and television commercials are usually developed to draw attention to the positive emotion.

    For instance, the new radio and TV commercials on Chivita Active from the House of Chi Limited, maker of the popular range of Chivita Premium fruit juice which often use its 100 per cent natural fruit as unique selling point, are created using the benefits of consuming Chivita Active by people as a healthy and active lifestyle to position the brand.

    “Some days, you really just want to stay in bed. Don’t you? Days when you have so much things to do in so little time, like wade through traffic, hold meetings, make presentations, submit reports, pick up laundry, visit parents, pick the kids, hang out with the girls, back to the gym, make dinner, tell bed time story. But not to worry, just get active with Chivita Active,” runs the commercials.

    The commercial goes on to say that, Chivita Active helps you get more out of life. “You work better, play harder and do so much more and success follows… so you want to stay active, drink Chivita Active. Chivita active with the power of six citric fruits juices and added vitamin C, a choice for your active life style. Chivita active, be active, do more, get more out of life.”

    Opening with an executive meeting, the 60-second TV commercial moves on to a workout on the basketball court before panning on to a gruellsing photo shoot at a modeling session and ending the day on the dance floor. The TVC depicts an activity-packed day that is sustained by the perfect choice of refreshment for an active life style.

    On how brands build customer loyalty through experience, the Managing Director of the CHI Limited, Mr Deepanjan Roy said: “One thing we have always tried to do is provide our consumer a complete and balanced range of fruit juice offerings, so that we are ready to fulfill her needs irrespective of whatever they may be from the product or the lifestyle standpoint.”

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought for the week

    “The He-goat that poses for a fight must have strong horns”

    To get married is not a problem, to be able to provide for the wife’s and children’s feeding is!

     

    What a man can do, a woman can do better!

    In those days, it is an abomination for a married woman to cheat on her man. Nowadays, it is no big deal. What a man can do, a woman can do better. Gone are those days when it is a shame for a woman to cheat on her spouse. The alarming rate and the percentage of women that cheats on their husbands is drastically incasing, why? It is very simple, what go around must surely and certainly come around. If my husband can have six or more girlfriends, having two boyfriends of my own to cater for my different needs should not be a problem, “body no bi wood o”. In the end a “domino effect” will be created, “all things shall fall apart”! The trust is gone, no more understanding, communication is broken down, love of course is nowhere to be found. Why? Because of the love of self and money. Garbage in garbage out,there is no smoke without fire. This rift has created a lot of commission in so many families, simplysaid, do unto others, as you want them to do unto you.

    QUESTION

    Dear Princess:

    Swinger’s World

    I am confused and don’t know how to go about solving this problem. My name is Fela, I have been married to the love of my life for the last 5years, and we are both in our earlier thirties. I travelled to the U.S.A. at a ripe age of 6 with my parents when my father was transferred to New-York up till the time my wife and I move to Nigeria about a year ago, I lived all my life in New-York. I met my current wife through a Jamaica friend of mine, she was born and raised in New-York, and we dated solidly for a year before getting married. Both of us believe in transparency, we talked about a lot of things up to infidelity in a marriage. One day, a friend at my job in Brooklyn, New-York was discussing with another co-worker how he and his wife belong to what is called a “swinger’s club” for the last 10years. He said they are both happy and swinging with other couples had helped his marriage because it lessen the chances of both of them cheating outside their marriage. I was amazed. After work, I approach him and ask him to explain what swinging is all about. He gave me a full literature on the lifestyle. The most important thing I got out of it was that couples practice swinging with other couples in a safe and secure environment, the risk of cheating out the relationship is very minimal if at all, both couples are aware of whom their partner is sleeping with. When I got home, I told my wife, at first, she was skeptical, but later was able to reason with me. We both decided to join the club, and we started swinging. At first, it was very difficult for me to even think of another man touching my wife, but as we talk and discuss the pros and cons, it make it more easier for me to enjoy our new found lifestyle. We have been in the lifestyle now for close to four years. Both my wife and I work for a major engineering firm in the U.S.A. since we are both engineers. Earlier last year, our company decided to open up a branch in a major city in Nigeria, we were first to be considered to help in setting up the company. We finally relocated July 2013. Engineers from our branch in Europe were also transferred down for the fast settling of the company. That is how my wife and I meet Keith, he used to live in England with his wife of 15years. One day, we started talking and I happened to mention to Kelth the secret lifestyle that I share with my wife. I was totally shocked when Kelth confide in me that he and his spouse have the same lifestyle and it what kept their marriage going. He further explained that moving to another country where such is not practiced had made it almost impossible to continue the lifestyle. I was excited, when I got home that day. I felt like a little kid in a candy store.

    I could notwait to tell Kanyinsola. She was also excited. Long story short, we started swinging with them October of last year. Princess, one of the main rules of this game is that no couple sees each outside of the swinging.Kelth and my wife (Kanyinsola) are now seeing each other outside of the swinging. This lifestyle is more of a recreational lifestyle and is not supposed to be an emotional lifestyle with the opposite couples. I confronted my wife, at first she denied it, later admitted to seeing Kelth for lunch twice now and of course they have also slept together without my knowledge. Princess, I went into this swinger’s lifestyle just so that something like this does not happen. Am confused please help me.FelaMokola Ibadan

    ANSWER

    Dear Fela

    “It is always better to know and be disappointed, than to never know and always wonder”. Personally, am not going to agree or disagree with your choice of lifestyle, that is not what am about. What concerns me is the safety of what “swingers” are practicing, sexually transmitted diseases (STD). I hope safe sex is being noticed at all cost. You mentioned that the reason you and your spouse went into this lifestyle is to prevent infidelity in your relationship or marriage. What this tells you and proof is that if a partner or spouse is going to cheat outside of a relationship/marriage, alternate lifestyle is not the answer but the way you feel towards each other, the way you communicate and relate with one another.

    My candid advice is to call your wife, try and find out what it is that she feels that she is not getting from you in spite of the extramarital affair that you are both practicing. As a woman, I think the problem will either be emotional insecurity with you, or physical performance of the other guy. It might be one or both in this case. Once you are able to get to the root of their problem, then try your best as much as possible to fill what she thinks is lacking in her needs from you. Again, use my main ingredient of any marriage. Love, trust, respect, open communication, honesty, humility appreciation of each other and total commitment to one another. This might come as a joke, if the problem is because Keith is white, I don’t know how you will be able to fix that, if that is what she is attracted to. Anger will not solve this problem but common sense and patience will. I wish you all the best.

    THOUGHT OF THE WEEK

    A good marriage is unique to every couple. Finding the right person who shares your meaning of an ideal and blissful married life is the key to it. Between you and your partner there should be love, trust, respect, open communication, honesty, humility, appreciation of each other and total commitment to one another and a good sense of humor, sharing of responsibilities, absolute commitment and practicing fidelity is the key!.

  • Expert warns against unhealthy diet, lifestyle

    Expert warns against unhealthy diet, lifestyle

    Residents of the Federal Capital Territory (FCT)   have been warned against unhealthy feeding pattern and lifestyle.

    An expert on healthy living, Mrs Victoria Kayode, who is the founder of LivinMedia Nigeria Limited, gave the advice in Abuja at  a seminar she organised in conjunction with Baytit Investment Limited. The seminar was tagged ‘Reclaim your Health.

    In an interview with journalists at the seminar, which was held at Grace Point Resort Hotel, 7one 6, Wuse, the expert said she believed that it is better to stay healthy than looking for healing.

    Kayode, who lamented that majority of diseases and sicknesses that are prevalent today are as a result of intake of bad diets and bad lifestyle, said her passion to see people live well and make those that are sick get well, prompted her to go into the field.

    Her words: “We see people moving about with many conditions that are in a major way as a result of what they eat, what they do and what they fail to do, so we preach diet and lifestyle change”.

    She said her team has been teaching healthy living in churches, schools, mosque, offices, seminars, conferences, among others.

    However, it was the first time she was organising a free seminar for the general public in the FCT, while she disclosed plans to reach out to those at the grassroots.

    “We have been teaching healthy living as our own quota to bring to the barest minimum(if not to eradicate) sicknesses and diseases in our environment for the past eight years and we believe we still have much ground to cover”, she said.

    Highpoint of the event was talks on different health issues delivered by resource persons, blood pressure, height and body mass Index by experts and responses to questions on health asked by participants.

    While speaking on the topic Reclaim your Health, Reverend Tony Akinyemi advised Nigerians not to wait for diseases to strike before making moves.

    “We can pre-empt, prevent, be proactive and there are things we can do to stay healthy. There are preventable and avoidable diseases so everybody should be alive and awake to take the various responsibilities they have towards themselves in making sure we maintain a healthy nation because from a healthy nation we will have a healthy, productive workforce so that we can enhance our overall development as a nation,” the reverend said.

    Other resource persons who spoke at the seminar are Brigadier-General Abimbola Amusa, a doctor in the Nigerian Army who spoke on orthodox medicine and healthy living issues and Pastor Titi Somefun, who spoke on Look Fine but Unhealthy Inside.