Bishop Peace Okonkwo is the Resident Pastor of The Redeemed Evangelical Mission (TREM). In this interview with Yetunde Oladeinde, she talks about being married to Bishop Mike Okonkwo for about 35 years, how they met, things they share in common and their passion for rehabilitating young girls.
WHAT is it like being married to Bishop Mike Okonkwo?
Life with Mike Okonkwo is an interesting one but not without challenges. Since I married him about 35 years ago, God has really been our helper all the way. The Bible says we should look up to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith and because we agree together, we overcame. We agree together, stand in faith, trusting God to help us solve this challenges and He has seen us through. It’s not been all rosy. Anyone telling you everything went so beautifully, it is not true. We just hang in there, there is nothing else you can do, and you can’t run from God.
When it comes to God, you run to him, even when there are challenges. He is the one that would see you through. I would say it’s been 35 years of God’s helping us in the ministry and in our home. He has helped us thus far to bring up our daughter, and by the next few months, she would be getting married.
How did you meet your husband?
A long story. I met him in one of the churches. You know when the war ended, people were seeking God, getting close to God because we lost everything. In one of the churches, we were young and everyone felt that we needed God now. That was where I met him but I didn’t meet him first, I met his senior sister, the woman liked me so much. Bishop at that time was very shy; he can’t talk to a woman. He was a very shy person and it was his sister that said, ‘my brother likes you.’
I was surprised and asked which of her brothers liked me because she had six brothers. Then she said the one that works in the bank and I said ‘okay, we will talk about it.’ So one thing led to the other, I still travelled abroad and came back.
What attracted you to him?
Nothing! The first time, I didn’t see anything. He was so arrogant because of his family background. The first time I said, what is wrong with this young man, why is he all over the place? Gradually things changed.
How did he convince you to join the ministry?
He didn’t convince me. He travelled and because we all started the ministry together, we got along. My husband is somebody that is hungry for the Word; he always wants to improve in everything he is doing. So he wanted to go to Morris Cerullo abroad, and he went. When he went, he said God spoke to him. I was very much involved in the work of the ministry. I have been an usher, sang in the choir and had got involved in almost every department of the ministry. I was working somewhere in Adeniyi Jones as secretary to a white man. The company has folded up now. He said, God spoke to him that I should give up the job but he didn’t tell me. He said ‘God, if it is you that is saying it, talk to her.’
Then, the board came at a time saying that for the input that you are making, why don’t you come full time? I said to them that I would pray about it and I am the first out of many children. I have lots of sisters, a brother and my mother who depended on me because my father is late. So when I was praying, I told God the situation and when I later told my mum she agreed. That showed that the money that I usually send to her for the upkeep, I won’t be able to meet up. When I had my first child, my mum came down and I told her about it, she said the Lord would provide. She said the best thing you can do is to work for God and I threw in the towel. I told him that I didn’t want any allowance for one year, I wanted to prove God.
What were the first few years in marriage like?
It’s been 35 years together, what can I remember now? Bishop is somebody that can defend you anytime. He loves you, he stands for you and he is not somebody that would deny you once he knows that you are doing the right thing. One of the two things I know how to cook, he taught me. He is a good cook. It’s so funny because he comes from a family of six boys, few girls and they always have people living with them. I don’t know how he learnt how to cook those vegetable soups. Everywhere we go, people ask what you are giving this man? He is looking younger; it is just the grace of God. His schedule is out of this world. I have begged him to slow down, to reduce his schedule but he said, ‘my friend, all you need to do is pray for me.’
The other day, my daughter said no, I should leave him because if he reduces his schedule, he may start becoming sick. Today he is not in; he comes back from Ijebu Ode to Abuja. As I was coming back from Aba on Monday, he was coming back from Warri. He is also a funny person. If you play games with Bishop, you would fall on the floor, especially ludo. If he is winning you, just resign because he would play and laugh at you that you would say you don’t want to play again. Bishop is quite interesting to be with. I am a football lover. I love football, love tennis and my club is Chelsea. They won the league last season and I love the manager. I also like some of the players. I started liking the club since Drogba was there. Bishop is Man U, when they lose he gets angry. We watch football together and laugh. When we are watching a match, we sit on the rug in the sitting room and because I like tennis, he now became interested in lawn tennis.
Some women feel lonely when their husbands travel all the time. How do you balance all that?
When you know what God has called you to do, there won’t be a problem. My schedule has also increased but before then I knew that he had to do this. He had to be used by God, that is what gives him joy and he has to be happy.
Are there times you wished he was always around?
Not that way. There’s been a time I felt somehow, especially the time that we were facing trials. I said ‘God this is too much, you just have to help us with this.’ We got married and the following week he went to Morris Cerullo for six months.
What happened to your honeymoon?
We went to Ghana for a few days and came back. The women in my church said they had never seen anything like this, but I told them that he had to go. God needs his attention. I knew I was marrying a man of God and I knew that his time would be demanded. I use this experience now to talk to my pastors’ wives.
Looking at your experience with Bishop, what is your take on men handling chores in marriage?
I believe that a man should help his wife. Thank God, for this part of the world, you have people that can help us. Over there, the man does it and the woman does it at home. Even in Nigeria, I have walked up to my pastor’s house and I saw the man cutting okro. They just came back from abroad and the people present were shocked. So, I asked what was wrong with that, if the man can help in any way, but don’t force it on him. Let him help out of his own freewill. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
How do you handle what Bishop wears?
He is the one teaching me. He is very stylish. Honestly, Bishop can put things together. My daughter would say, ‘mummy if you want to buy anything for me, let daddy see it first.’ You can see it in the way he dresses. When I was younger, I didn’t really care about looking stylish or corporate. All I know is wear your clothes and be neat.
Let’s talk about the women’s group. What are some of the achievements over the years?
A lot. We started with just ten women, but now if you come on the last Thursday of the month and in the mornings between 9 and 12 noon, you would see up to three or four thousand women here. When I turned 60, my women knew my passion. I told them that women are dying of cervical cancer and that project was the gift that they had for me. They planned a conference on this, now we are going from state to state to test women free.
About 8000 women are beneficiary and for the general screening we had about 12,000 beneficiaries. Then we have the widows empowerment and maybe because my mother is a widow. She is 85 years and still around. At a point, God spoke to me to look at how my mother toiled and that I should start something. That year, I sent some people to some villages and we touched some widows. These women prayed for me even though they didn’t know me. When the schools in Nigeria were facing depression, this gave birth to the Word of Power Group of Schools.
Everything God used me to pioneer comes out of a burden. We also have the rehabilitation centre for girls and some of them were sent out of the house by their parents or the fact that the person who made them pregnant is nowhere to be found. So what we do is to take them into the home, take them to the hospital and pay the hospital bill. When they have their babies they decide what they want to do with the babies. I don’t get involved with that. My interest is that you must go to school or attend a vocation after giving birth to the baby.
