The Nation Newspaper

Tag: Patience

  • Like Simone, Like Patience?

    Like Simone, Like Patience?

    Although Dame Patience’s political activities may differ from that of the former First Lady of Côte d’Ivoire, Simone Ehivet Gbagbo, critics of Nigerian First Lady, who accuse her of encouraging violence insist there are some similarities in their activities, especially in the light of the threat by the All Progressives Congress to drag her to the International Criminal Court (ICC).

    Born 20 June 1949, Simone Ehivet Gbagbo, the former First Lady of Côte d’Ivoire, who was accused of playing major roles in the post-election crisis in the country that led to the death of over 3000, was also dragged to the ICC but was recently sentenced to 20 years imprisonment by a local court in her country.

    Prior to her arrest by pro-Ouattara forces, Mrs. Gbagbo was considered by many as a very controversial and forward politician, especially by the opponents of her husband who accused her of encouraging violence. The international community, after investigations agreed with her critics.

    So, on 22 November 2012, a warrant was unsealed by the International Criminal Court for her arrest for crimes against humanity. Part of the allegations against her at the court was that as a member of her husband’s inner circle, she “played a central role in post-election violence”.

    Although the Amnesty International called on the Ivorian government to immediately transfer her to the custody of the court, the government refused to do so, claiming she could be judged fairly in a domestic court.

    Her case was therefore judged by an Ivorian court, which found her guilty and on 10 March, 2015, sentenced her to 20 years in jail for crimes against humanity.

    “The jury members retained all the charges against her, including disturbing the peace, forming and organising armed gangs and undermining state security,” according to Rodrigue Dadje. The lawyer added that her civil rights will also be suspended for a period of 10 years.

    The former president’s son, Michel Gbagbo, was also convicted and sentenced to five years in prison, Dadje said.

    It would be recalled that Ivory Coast’s 2011 civil war was traced to Laurent Gbagbo’s refusal to acknowledge his defeat to Alassane Ouattara, now president, in elections in late 2010.

    Gbagbo, who is also accused of crimes against humanity for his alleged role in orchestrating the violence, is awaiting trial at the ICC.

    Born in 1949 in the Moossou neighborhood, Simone Gbagbo trained as a historian and earned a third cycle doctorate in oral literature. She worked in applied linguistics, as a Marxist labor union leader.

    Because of her character traits, she was nicknamed in the Ivorian press the Hillary Clinton des tropiques.

    She participated in the teachers’ strike movement of 1982, and helped found, with her future husband, the clandestine political group which became the FPI. An active trades union militant in the 1970s, she was imprisoned a number of times during the struggle for multi-party elections.

    Following the introduction of multiparty elections, Gbagbo and her husband were arrested for allegedly inciting violence in February 1992 and spent six months in prison. In 1996, she became an FPI Deputy from Abobo (part of Abidjan) in the National Assembly.

  • Bullet points for Tompolo, DSS, Fayose, Patience

    Bullet points for Tompolo, DSS, Fayose, Patience

    Tompolo and the Boys Company (BC) I am tempted to start by saying Tompolo, I dey laugh o! The story of a certain fellow by the queer name of Government Ekpemuopolo Tompolo always evokes hearty laughter in me each time I read it. It always reminds me of the Boys Company of the Biafran Army. Yours truly was not eligible, being not old enough, but I heard stories of the exploits of the BC from bigger boys of the day.

    To cut the story short, young lads of the BC were supposed to be spies ferreting information from enemy camps. But most of them, they did not realise that war was death; many of them thought it was some form of a game and they got wasted in their numbers.

    When a Norwegian newspaper reported that Tompolo, a pardoned and rehabilitated Niger Delta militant, had acquired six guided missile boats (GMBs) I laughed like crazy, I laughed so hard tears welled up in my eyes. I laughed hard as so many thoughts streamed across my mind. The thought of some rickety, disused ferries (as pictures show) that were refitted with some AK47s and sold to ‘stupid Nigerians’ by oyinbos at outrageous prices; I thought of ‘General’ Tompolo, Commander of the  Republic of Niger Delta Armed Forces; I thought of Nigeria’s strategic national resources in the hands of an ill-lettered little man, I thought of a castrated Nigerian Navy taking orders from Tompolo; the thought of (and pity for) Itsekiri people who know that they can be annihilated if not exterminated in just one drunken night. I thought of and felt pity for NIMASA people who are biting their tongues trying to defend an institutionalised madness not knowing that only NIMASA still keeps silly secrets, the world now being an open door.

    I laughed some more and sympathised with both the Federal Government of Nigeria (FGN) and the Tompolo Ekpemuokpolo Government (TEG) knowing that as we say in my place, mgbe osuru, mgbe asi chi si tama, it may not be a matter of six rusty gunboats (that the up thrust of a submarine would wash to the shore) but 60 or even 6000, or more. So join me in laughing dear reader.

     Dilemma of the gallant DSS Give it to the Department of State Service (DSS), they are not like the Gallant Mopol as we all know; no, far from such coarseness. They are our elite force trained in the art of the clandestine and unseen. Since they bear no known means of identification, you can jolly well say they are licensed to spook.

    But the DSS may have spoofed this time when they paraded some spindly fellows they claim were fake commanders of the Boko Haram who staged a fake ceasefire negotiation with the Federal Government. The seven suspects were apparently working in cahoots with one Stephen Davis, an Australian self-style negotiator. Now why would our DSS so triumphantly and even gallantly deign to have made a breakthrough by parading this hapless conmen who had beaten them silly by exposing their inefficiency in the first place. And so many questions arise: what manner of intelligence and dossier does the DSS have on Boko Haram and the terrorism war in Africa generally? Is it not numbingly embarrassing that the Federal Government could be so easily deceived and embarrassed by these little fellows? How many millions of dollars were paid to them? Where is the money?

     Going by the narrative of DSS spokesman Marilyn Ogar, these fake  characters operated for many months between Abuja and Maiduguri, held numerous meetings in public places yet they were not preempted until they thoroughly embarrassed us. Who on earth is Stephen Davis? Can Stephen Osuji surface in Australia tomorrow and pretend to be an expert in anything and the Australian secret service would not run riot over him? Could it be that our DSS did not check out Stephen Davis because he is wearing miserable white skin?

    Sorry, DSS’ ‘success’ in catching these fake negotiators merely signposts this column’s assertion that Boko Haram is as much a failure of leadership as it is a failure of intelligence. Are we gonna parade the unit that failed in this duty?

    Emperor Fayose in wonderland I admit there are one or two other cases in the land that bear a semblance of what is brewing in Ekiti State now but let us give Governor Ayo Fayose the trophy for putting a comical edge this macabre drama. In Rivers and Edo States, there are  stand-offs resulting from executive-legislature power tussle, we acknowledge.

    But in Ekiti state, it is sardonic enough that Fayose chased majority of the State’s legislators out of town leaving only seven renegades but he has carried on as if he were a 16th century divine monarch.

    He did not only get the seven popinjays to sit and conduct the business of the House, he co-opted scallywags and miscreants to make up the number, sitting on the hallowed seats of honorable members and desecrating the legislature.

    The first time these seven renegades plus 19 thugs ‘approved’ the Ekiti State’s commissioners’ list (i.e the executive council) we thought it was a momentary lapse of memory. Last Monday the charade was reenacted now on a grand scale. The ‘mock’ assembly sat again in Ado Ekiti to pass the State’s Appropriation Bill.

    According to the report, again the seven ‘law-mockers’ were seated and all the fleeing lawmakers’ seats were occupied as visitors were allowed to seat in the chambers. Some traditional rulers where present; there was a full complement of soldiers, police, Department of State Service (DSS), Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC). The press were barred save for the Governor’s Office and House of Assembly Press Corps. No broadcast journalists were allowed to record the evil gathering on video.

    In the manner of emperors, Governor Fayose was reported to have reassured the renegade speaker that, “You, (Dele Olugbemi) are the Speaker of this Assembly and nobody can remove you from this position. I want to emphasise that this speaker would remain in office till June.” You must pinch yourself to find out if you are in 1614 or 2014 for I have just done that.

    Empathizing with Mama Peace in a time of ‘war’ What do you do with a well-known certified peacemaker in time of intense, internecine ‘warfare’? Well, that is a very tough question and this is the dilemma of our First Lady, Dame Patience Jonathan aka, Mama Peace of Africa.

    Last weekend, Dame Patience was in her homeland, Okrika; she gathered the chieftains and owners of the land and declared to them in her oft unmatched candour: “Before you today is the next governor of Rivers State. He is the former Minister of State for Education, Barrister Nyesom Wike.”

    Those who have eyes have seen Dame Patience’ gloved hands in many states in the run up to the PDP primaries across the land. Mama is PDP’s field marshalling leading the political ‘army’ into the next election. She is the chief endorser, enforcer and even fixer.

    Those who know can tell that of all the battle fronts, Rivers State would test Mama’s mettle the most. Up against Governor Chibuike Amaechi of the State, no prisoners would be allowed and the winner will take all. Dear reader, you would do well to keep very far away from that vicinity so that you do not get be-splattered… ka Chineke mezie okwu. Amim.

    The Buhari epiphany

    Dear reader, you would recall that this column vowed sometime ago never to vote for General Muhammadu Buhari (retd). It must have been sometime in 2012 when he issued some mumbo-jumbo about the blood of baboons and monkeys flowing and all that. Coming when the post-election fires of 2011 were yet to be cold, one could not understand an elder statesman speaking in such manner.

    But since then, the general has continued to change his approach and project a national outlook to his politics. In view of the dire situation of our dear country today, this column will revisit that vow. Having won the presidential flag of the All Progressives Congress (APC), this must be Buhari’s epiphany. Or shall we say Nigeria’s epiphany?

    As the campaign days go by, this column will attempt some disquisitions on the Buhari factor at this juncture of Nigerian politics. It is Buhari’s be all and end all moment, his make or mar juncture; his epiphany. And mark you, he will have to work his lean butts off for it. An epic battle it will be against the incumbent, President Goodluck Jonathan.

  • S-U-R-U-L-E-R-E (Patience is profitable)

    S-U-R-U-L-E-R-E (Patience is profitable)

    Hello Temilolu,

    You are just a gift from God to this generation to re-engineer the lost value system among the youth. I buy The Nation on Sunday just because of your articles which I always look forward to. Your club is beyond girls. I pray that God will uphold and reward you for your GOOD WORKS. Thanks ma.

    Gboyega G.A.

     

    Hi T’L,

    Did you know that your brain is prettier than your face? You are tender at heart. I’m a guy but I really like your column, you are helping my sisters a lot! Thanks.

    T.J., Kano State

     

    Dear Temi,

    I have read some of your articles. They are just deep, spiritual, mystical and profound. I wonder if your target audience – girls would appreciate your profound and time-tested TRUTH. I belong to a school of philosophy where some of the things you discuss in your column are held dear to heart. Your article on the power of patience is a classic! Keep the flag flying!

    Frank Mboye (Legal practitioner), Enugu State

    I thank my brothers for their kind words and encouragement but sincerely hope my sisters are reading! And I must tell you, it’s God the giver of life downloading into yellow sisi’s brain.  I pray my other sisters out there can spend more time nurturing their spiritual beauty than their physical beauty so they can be useful to God and man.

    I began a topic on the power of patience last week. And you will agree with me that as the world gets tougher generation after generation, it’s a must-have virtue to enjoy our stay in this world. I am sure a lot of adults and elders who are reading wish they had exercised some patience in their youth and made wiser choices thereby saving themselves and their children from trouble. In any case, no matter the wrong path you impatiently followed, wonderful, golden, evergreen patience is ever waiting for you to embrace it and give you not only a solution out of your quagmire but allow you make a goldmine out of it. Wow!

    It breaks my heart to hear the stories of sisters who impatiently jumped into the wrong marriage with the wrong partner out of family/societal pressure, etc. Is it so easy to break a covenant you made with a man before God and a congregation at the altar? I don’t know o and I pray it never happens to us. Worse still, what happens when the centre of a marriage just cannot hold between two enemies living as husband and wife who now have children between them? It will never happen to us o! It only takes the special grace of God for a child from a single mother to grow up as a balanced child. And if care is not taken, a family pattern is already established. Hmm…patience is profitable. It’s not nice to be lonely especially at a time like this when most men would not want to stay committed in a relationship with you except you are both engaging in sex. But I tell you, it’s a lot better and in fact a great advantage for you to be lonely now as a single lady and critically map out what you want out of life, including your marriage. And you know what? It makes God involved, because patience is one of the fruits of the spirit of God. How nice!

    There are so many areas of our life and daily activities where patience is required. And though it can be developed anytime, it is easier to start now even if you are just 13 years old. Your life will be too sweet I can assure you. Life is unfair and you may not get what you want easily as life doesn’t readily present what we want to us. However, with patience, the eyes of your soul even discovers that which is better than you ever wanted which you never knew existed. When you are too much in a hurry sometimes, life throws whatever it wishes or is available at you but your patience has the power to subdue life before you and just allow you access to every good thing. However long the night, the dawn will certainly break. And just as the Yoruba Proverb says that “Patience can cook a stone,” the patience in you can turn your adversity to the best thing that ever happened to your existence on earth. Well, as long as you can endure the wilderness and find the treasure that will change your life forever, carry it across the turbulent sea and climb the tallest mountain where your glorious crown will be waiting for you to usher you into the dawn of the best days of your life. Be patient, my friend! God loves you, so do I!

  • ‘Patience, strength needed to win war on terror’

    ‘Patience, strength needed to win war on terror’

    •Nigerian releases book to mark 9/11

    For the war on terror to be won globally, patience, strength and resolve are germane, author of a book on terrorism, Abayomi Mumuni has said.

    Mumuni has completed plans to distribute 300 copies of his book, entitled “Global Terrorism and Its Effects on Humanity” for free in the United States to commemorate 13th anniversary of 9/11 attacks.

    Mumuni, a politician and businessman, in an interview with reporters, said the matters raised in the book would not only help in the fight against terrorism, but provide a long-lasting solution to the scourge.

    The former governorship candidate under the Congress for Progressive Change (CPC) in Lagos State during the 2011 general elections, said: “The US and its allies will win the war only if they fight it in the right way – with the same sort of patience, strength, and resolve that helped win the Cold War and with policies designed to provide alternative hopes and dreams to potential enemies. The war on terror will end with the collapse of the violent ideology that caused it.”

    He also spoke on why the Federal Government should dialogue with Boko Haram.

    He said: “It is becoming obvious that without negotiation, not much can be achieved by authorities in their fight against terrorism. So far, the only option I have identified as alternative to negotiation is military strike, and by which authorities will end up being accused of one crime or the other. Take Nigeria government’s efforts to destroy Boko Haram for instance. Out of eagerness to strike the terrorist group, collateral damages touched many civilians to the extent that the civil rights organisations accused the Nigerian government of a massacre in Bama village. Violence begets violence. In the new up-coming book, Demand by Terror, I am coming out with the conclusion that any response to a terrorist’s demands should not ignore negotiation. Negotiation has achieved more than military strikes, especially in hostage taking situations.”

    He described terrorism as a man-made epidemic.

    “There is no doubt that terrorism, a man inflicted malignant epidemic, is ravaging humanity at an alarming rate. This week (September 11) marks 13th anniversary of the US bombings. I believe the best way to show support in the fight against terrorism, which is still the biggest threat to America, is to come up with an intellectual work of this nature, and roll out, free copies to the States.

    “There have been different discussions, debates and issues bothering on global terrorism in the 21st century world, none has been able to present an overview of its origin, types, justification, flight or fight and its effects on humanity as captured in this book. That is why I have divided it into about seven chapters for everybody, irrespective of nationality, race or creed to understand,” he said.

    Printed in by Friesens Corporation in Canada  and published by WSGF PTY, South Africa, and Media-Connect, an Advert-Consultant firm in New-York, the book comprises seven chapters and shows the sociological, psychological, physical, political, and economical toll of the war on terrorism on America and its lasting impact on humanity and human rights.

  • When patience pays

    When patience pays

    The Faculty of Pharmacy, Delta State University (DELSU), has held its maiden induction and oath-taking. Ninety-four graduates, among them those who finished two years ago, were inducted. PHILIP OKORODUDU (Electrical, Electronics and Computer Engineering) and ESE OKODUWA (300-Level Home Economics) report.

    No fewer than 94 graduates of Pharmacy of the Delta State University (DELSU) in Abraka were, last Thursday, inducted into the Pharmaceutical Council of Nigeria (PCN) by the council’s Registrar, Mr N.A.E Muhammed.

    The ceremony was held in the 1,000-capacity auditorium on Site III of the institution. It was attended by eminent personalities, including the Commissioner for Lands, Survey and Urban Development, Patrick Ferife, who was the guest speaker.

    The graduates were resplendent in their blue academic gowns. They beamed with smile as they moved into the auditorium with their family members.

    It was the maiden induction of the Faculty of Pharmacy, but the ceremony was held for two sets of graduates. The Dean, Prof. A.O. Onyekweli, appreciated the guests for honouring the invitation, noting that the journey to graduation was not easy for the inductees. He thanked the graduates for their patience, saying the university had justified the purpose for which the faculty was established.

    In his lecture entitled: Pharmacy practice: Past, present and the future, Ferife advised the graduands to always listen to their patients’ explanation, noting that it was the best method in drug administration. He also admonished them to visualise the attainment of their desire to fit into the nation’s chaotic system in order to thrive and be exceptional in their practice.

    Muhammed enjoined the inductees to key into the profession as it is full of opportunities that could serve as a perfect enhancement of their dreams.

    Highlight of the occasion was the administration of oath on the graduands by the registrar.

    In his remark, the Vice-Chancellor (VC), Prof E.A Arubayi, hailed Governor Emmanuel Udughan for his support during the “trying period” when the faculty was seeking accreditation from the National Universities Commission (NUC) and PCN.

    Some of the graduands expressed joy. Christian Mekwunye said: “I feel elated that my dream to become a pharmacist has now been actualised.”

    Another graduand, Oghenekomeno Edo, said: “I am fulfilled and filled with joy for being inducted as a pharmacist. It is time for me to bring all the theory into practice to contribute my own quota to the development of the profession in Nigeria.”

    The best graduating student, Inifome Oke-Oghene, thanked the management for its effort at making the day a reality for the graduating students and congratulated her colleagues for their patience.

     

  • Female politicians to write Patience Jonathan on Rivers’ crisis

    Elected female local government officials and lawmakers in Rivers State will write the wife of President Goodluck Jonathan, Patience, on the political crisis in the state.

    The Elected Female Local Government Executives and Legislators Forum said the First Lady should be an ambassador of peace.

    The leader and spokesperson of the forum, Ms. Maureen Tamuno, who spoke in Port Harcourt, said: “We want to use this medium to tell her that she should preach peace and unite the country. It is these women seated here who moved from door-to-door to mobilise the two million votes her husband got from Rivers State during the 2011 general elections.”

    Ms Tamuno, who is also the Chairman of Ogu/Bolo Local Government Area, where Mrs. Jonathan hails from, added: “These women here own the grassroots. I went in helicopter to 19 local governments with Dame Judith Amaechi, wife of the governor to mobilise votes for the president.”

    The elected politicians also called for “the immediate transfer of Commissioner of Police Mbu Joseph Mbu as resolved by the National Assembly” adding that peace would return to the state and democracy would thrive immediately after his transfer.

    On the continued detention of the House Leader, Chidi Llyod, the women condemned “the way he is being treated like a common criminal, which he is not”.

    The forum also condemned the botched attempt by five of the 32 lawmakers of the Assembly to impeach Speaker Otelemaba Dan-Amachree.

    They also flayed a statement credited to the Chief Edwin Clark-led Elders of Southsouth Assembly, saying that it was wrong for the elders to be “criticising our performing governor as such does not reflect the wishes of the people of the region because Elder Clark is expected to be a father to all”.

    They appealed to Jonathan, the Senate, the House of Representatives and elders to bring peace to the state.

    On Amaechi, they said: “He has returned Port Harcourt back to its Garden City status as all public utilities in the metropolis which enemies of the state dishonestly appropriated have all been recovered and transformed to international standards.”

     

  • Patience Jonathan dumps FFLN

    Patience Jonathan dumps FFLN

    Nigeria’ s First Lady, Mrs. Patience Jonathan, must be enjoying a new lease of life since she returned to the country after series of surgical operations abroad. The woman who once liked to be measured by the number of high networth individuals she had around her appears to have made a volte-face, preferring to stay all by herself and without some fussy groups of friends.

    And she makes no pretence about her preference for the company of her husband to friends that would only gossip and take undue advantage of her office. Her decision to shed many of her friends’ companionship might not be unconnected with her perception that many of them were behind some ugly stories that made the rounds about her ill-health.

    A group known as Friends of the First Lady of Nigeria (FFLN) had been formed few months after her husband became the President. Made up mainly of self-acclaimed society women, the association’s objective was believed to be nothing more than ‘reaping’ bountifully from Jonathan’s presidency. The same women had formed an impregnable ring around Hajia Turai Yar’Adua, wife of the late President Umar Musa Yar’Adua, but shifted their allegiance to Dame Patience Jonathan after Yar’Adua’s death.

  • Patience Jonathan’s second chance

    Patience Jonathan’s second chance

    Lazarus must have been green with envy hearing that Mrs. Patience Jonathan was in the valley of the shadow of death for one week. We had thought that Lazarus’s had been an unbroken record, having stayed only four days in the grave before Jesus Christ came and woke him up. But our president’s wife has broken that record. Although she acknowledged that she is not Lazarus, she nonetheless made public the miracle that God has done in her life at the thanksgiving service to mark her return from the ‘land of her ancestors’: “I am not Lazarus but my experience was similar to his own. My doctors said all hope was lost …It was God himself in His infinite mercy that said I would return to Nigeria. God woke me up after seven days”.

    Never mind that her aides had merely told us she went abroad to rest. One would have thought we had more than enough rooms to rest in the country. Even if we don’t have one befitting the status of the First Lady of the Federal Republic, what stops us from awarding billion naira contracts for construction of world-class rest rooms in the Villa? Anyway, she left without a tangible word to hold on to for those of us who were concerned, and rightly so, for her whereabouts. When we were persistent in trying to get something from the government concerning this, one of her aides was almost angry with nosey newsmen who kept asking about when madam would return from her trip. He asked them whether she was his mate that she would take the trouble to disclose such vital information to him!

    Yet, not a few persons had accused the presidency of lying on this issue. But it is wrong to accuse the presidency of lying because the presidency cannot lie. It merely amended the truth, by saying that Mrs. Jonathan had only gone to rest abroad, following the rigours of the 2011 elections and after hosting the African Ladies Forum, when in actual fact the woman was already having a tete-a-tete with her ancestors and would have been admitted to the league of Saints Triumphant but for Divine intervention.

    Anyway, we should thank God for Patience Jonathan’s life because it is not all the time that people who die ‘resurrect’. As a matter of fact, Yoruba people would warn that no one should play with fainting because many people who did never had the privilege of returning to this world; by the time they woke up from their expensive joke, they did so in the great beyond. That is particularly so if the people involved were Muslims. But that was not the portion of our First Lady; glory be to God.

    Since what the president’s wife experienced was a rarity, she must know that God has a purpose for bringing her back to life. Even in Yoruba mythology, when someone dies prematurely, it is believed that he or she would be sent back to earth at the border between the earth and heaven. So, for Mrs. Jonathan to have been sent back to life meant she had an unfinished business which the heavens wanted her to complete. Many of those who claimed to have had the same experience returned to tell us tales about what the other side looks like.

    So, did Mrs. Jonathan see any vision for Nigeria throughout her ordeal as a dead person? Or, what precisely did she see? Did she see any of our departed elder statesmen while she was dead? Are they on the same side with Father Abraham or are they on the other side? Are they happy with the way we are? Are they looking back at what we are doing in the country, or they have completely abandoned us as a lost cause? Are they impressed with her husband’s style of governance? Did madam see Lazarus whose record she has just beaten?

    While madam is preparing her answers to these questions and probably more, I can imagine the kind of fierce battle she would have had with that ultimate leveller, Death. To be quite frank, how many of us in Mrs Jonathan’s shoes will succumb to death just like that, leaving behind all the opulence of Aso Rock Villa, and Jonathan another Eve married? Where were such Eves all the years that they ‘siddon look’? I can imagine Death itself fleeing in the course of the battle to take Mrs Jonathan’s life, lest it got demystified in the process. Remember the story of Jacob who wrestled with an angel all night until the angel succumbed before daybreak, so that human beings and angels would not meet.

    But to have been dead for one week is not a child’s play; as a matter of fact, Mrs. Jonathan should write about her experience and she will make billions from the title/s. Imagine all the big people who would run over themselves to drop their cheques at the launch! I am surprised people are not yet putting congratulatory advertisements in the media over Madam’s speedy recover (pardon my Sir Shina Peters’ expression) from the dead. Yet, some people who never like people in power would not rejoice with our first family. Indeed, I saw some of them on my way to the General Post Office in Ikeja, Lagos, last Monday, who were speaking blasphemy about the report that Mrs. Jonathan said she was raised from the dead after seven days. They were querying why that had to be our problem when neither ‘the woman’ nor her handlers told us why she was taken abroad in the first place. How then does her thanksgiving make such big news? I literally took off from the scene because such careless talk in those days of military rule could land one in Gashua. Thank God for democracy.

    In the lighter mood, when people return from Mecca, we call them Alhaji or Alhaja. In the same vein, when people return from Holy Pilgrimage to Jerusalem, we know they are called Justices of the Peace (JP). Now that our First lady has just returned from the valley of the shadow of death, how do we refer to her to distinguish her from people who merely fainted or were in a trance?

    But Mrs. Jonathan said something that was not funny; she said that some of her aides, thinking she was dead, had already started selling some of her personal effects. This is something that is common among the ordinary folks and one would have thought that is an affliction to be found only among them. Now that we have seen that the rich also suffer such affliction, it might be interesting to know how the president’s wife has been coping with such aides with itchy palms, who were not honest over little things. Are they also having a second chance or they have already been jailed, while awaiting prosecution?

    And, talking about second chance, I guess that would be the new song in the country for some time to come. As a matter of fact, don’t be surprised if very soon someone comes up with the ingenious idea that since God was kind enough to give the First Lady a second chance, then, the First Citizen’s second chance is already signed and sealed in heaven; it is only waiting to be delivered, come 2015.

    But on a very serious note, two fundamental questions remain to be answered in spite of the celebrations, the thanksgiving and all. The first is what was Mrs. Jonathan’s ailment? And the second is how much it cost the taxpayer?

     

  • Patience Jonathan dumps association of friends

    Patience Jonathan dumps association of friends

    Success has many relatives, goes the saying. Even if one did not know this before now, the load of goodwill messages that have come the way of the Nigeria’s First Lady, Patience Jonathan, during her thanksgiving party last weekend, has lent credence to that assertion. It is therefore not surprising that many women in the corridors of powers are fervently courting her attention after abandoning her during her trying times.

    The First Lady, who recently opened up for the first time on the health crisis that almost claimed her life last year, admitted that she was in coma for more than one week. She also said she underwent surgery nine times in one month. Now she is back and better. This explains why she staged an elaborate thanksgiving party in Aso Villa last Sunday, in appreciation of God’s goodness.

    However, some of her friends, whom she said abandoned her on her sick bed, are now trying to worm themselves back into her heart, singing her praise to high heavens. Happenstances gathered that the First Lady has now separated her real friends from favour seekers and has also dumped the Association of Friends of the First Lady of Nigeria (FFLN).

    In a bid to be part of the group, not a few women in the social space, particularly the high society, are engaged in tireless hustle to be part of it. But at the moment, the First Lady has decided to severe her relationship with them.

  • Dame Patience affair: the courage to lie

    Dame Patience affair: the courage to lie

    With a lavish and riveting thanksgiving service and party held on Sunday in Abuja, the First Lady, Mrs Patience Jonathan, has all but guaranteed that her continuing health soap opera will receive high ratings. When she returned home on October 17, 2012 after a seven-week health trip to Germany, Mrs Patience Jonathan told a puzzled airport audience it was all a lie that she received medical care at a popular German hospital. “I was never at that hospital, let alone have a terminal illness,” she deadpanned. At a short reception later, where fawning aides and ministers had gathered to welcome her back, she kept up appearances and continued the evasiveness. She looked pale and lethargic, but on what ailed her or where she went, she maintained a stiff upper lip. It was also okay for us to know, she continued, that she did not have cosmetic surgery because her husband adored her shape. On that day, her reticence and the unwelcoming stare of her tight-lipped husband dissuaded anyone from probing further. Speculations, however, persisted.

    But during the November edition of the presidential media chat, and for reasons we may never guess, the president finally and condescendingly decided to open up a little on his wife’s mysterious trip abroad. She travelled for medical reasons, admitted the president. He didn’t give room for anyone to ask why presidential aides lied about her trip. He didn’t also say why as president he refused at the time to say a word on his wife’s trip. All we got from the First Family were Calvinist lectures on life and the hereafter, our inescapable date with death sometime in the future, and the metaphysics of wishing or not wishing someone ill.

    Finally, and completely out of the blue, the president organised a thanksgiving service and party on Sunday for his wife, virtually shutting down Abuja, so to say. The purpose was to expatiate on the second chance in life Dame Patience told us on October 17 last year that God had gifted her. Like her waffling aides, she had given the impression she travelled to enjoy a deserved rest. But during the Sunday service, she finally came clean about the health matter, describing in medically bewildering details how she underwent eight or nine surgeries in one month. Hear her: “People are always afraid of surgery, but in my own case, while my travail (she means ordeal) lasted, I was begging for it (surgery) after the third operation because I was going to the theatre every day. It was God who saw me through. I did eight or nine operations within one month. It was not an easy one.” So, why did she evade a straightforward answer about her health last year? Why was she testy and insinuative when the long-suffering public wanted to know her condition and empathise with her? Alas, we may never know how her mind works.

    However, the First Family’s religion is much less inscrutable than their minds. Both the president and his wife were unnerved by the superstition that in most cases the First Family often lost a spouse in the State House, with particular reference to Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, Umaru Yar’Adua, Gen Sani Abacha, and perhaps Murtala Mohammed. It was, therefore, necessary to sanctify the seat of power to exorcise spousal tragedy from it, Dame Patience moaned.

    It speaks to the Jonathans’ sense of quaint altruism that the cleansing they want for Aso Villa is limited in objective, though it is masqueraded as indispensable to the seat of power. They even seem less interested in learning anything from information management in a modern and complex society than in rebutting the superstition of spousal deaths in the State House. That Dame Patience survived abdominal surgery late last year also seems to underscore the First Family’s religious philosophy that the curse had been broken and naysayers put to shame. As the President fatalistically put it, complete with an implausible exposition on the best time to die, “If anything had happened, there would have been different stories from false prophets, and many other things would have followed. We all know we will all die but the best time to die is not when you are serving your nation.” Really?

    What more can anyone say? There is obviously nothing we can do or say to dissuade the president from being distracted or bitter, or from sometimes wandering into, or conniving at, willful inaccuracies.