They are never filled because with each eating, their throat gets longer, like Pinocchio’s nose. This is why Nigerians are going around looking dazed, like people under attack from Mars
Pinocchio, for those of us who have not read the story, is the titular name of a fictional character created by an Italian writer, Carlo Collodi. In the story, Pinocchio is a wooden puppet sculpted by a man called Geppetto, but the puppet dreams of becoming a real boy. His dream is fulfiled by a fairy who gives him a twist: his nose becomes longer with each lie he tells. Naturally, with the rather mischievous character he has, he does tell many lies. I am not going to tell you any more about this interesting nineteenth century children’s classic; you go read it up yourself.
As I understand it, the Pinocchio effect is a means by which scientists are now able to tell if one is telling the truth or not. According to the test, the temperature of the area surrounding the mouth rises as the fib escapes. Today, we are going to apply this to the Nigerian situation and see which area of our physiognomy is affected by our unconscionable lifestyle. I think it is our throat.
I heard something the other day, that made my own ears literally tingle. I heard that a south eastern state governor had gone and nominated himself for the senate after being on the verge of finishing his eight years as governor of his state. I thought, what’s so surprising about that? Practically all the governors now have bestowed on themselves the right to retire to the senate after their multiple terms ruling or ruining their states. I think that’s where they have their bedroom.
In this tale, however, I heard that the governor had nominated his wife to go to the house of representatives and his son-in-law to replace him as the governor. In the same state, the same governor was said to have earlier appointed his sister as the Honourable Commissioner for Happiness some time back and had also elected to erect statues of a character in South African politics whom his own people would please like to forget. Now, if that recipe isn’t the making of a disastrous opera, tell me what is.
As a matter of fact, many disastrous operas have been taking place in many states of this federation since the start of this democratic game. Indeed, to many of the players, the whole thing is nothing but a game of musical chairs that has only one rule: DON’T GET CAUGHT HOLDING ANYTHING. So, they have devised a national opera titled ANYTHING GOES! which is a parody of an actual existing opera.
The plot thickens however. There is another gov. in a south western state of a thousand and one bridges. I hear he is crying foul-play because his party would not allow him to handpick his successor. Seriously! Roads in this south-western state we mentioned are abysmally poor. I was there this last weekend and had to abandon my car to take a Keke Napeb that was brave enough to attempt my destination.
Talk of nearly tumbling out of the vehicle. Talk of vehicles meandering round gullies as deep as the black hole. Talk of the many fisticuffs that are exchanged daily by irritated people who think others are taking advantage of their side of the road. Talk of wasting man hours for travelling for hours on a few kilometres. Talk of entire areas cut off by the rains collecting on untarred roads with poor or no drainages. Talk of bridges and/or roads not finished even after eight years …What economic activity can anyone think about?
Now, I am not holding brief for any political party. For the life of me, I hardly can make out any difference between APC, PDP, SDP or any other Ps and Ds and Ns that dot the political landscape as political parties. The same Nigerians people them all: cut-throats, cut-legs and cut-stomachs of all their next-door neighbours. They would as rapaciously rob the bones of the dead as the bodies of the living. Let me tell you what I heard.
I heard that when this south eastern governor brought out his list of imaginations – of himself in the senate, wife in the house of representatives and in-law in government house – there was a protest and he was asked to pick one. It made me wonder just how many people there are in that state. I thought perhaps, maybe, probably only ten people. If, however, the figure as given by the census board is up to about three to four million, then, methinks we have a problem. How can one family represent the state at all the democratic levels? Surely, these people should know for a fact that they have left out my name!
I am wondering what brand of democracy we are running that allows a governor or a politician to put his family members in such public posts. From the APC party to all other parties, people in public office do not see the moral conflict in installing their family members in positions of influence. When I heard about this state governor who wanted everything for himself, I wondered if he had no daughter to add to the list. If he had none, I think I can volunteer myself to be his daughter for one day.
Seriously, these governors’ acts are enough to make us wonder whether this country’s democracy is growing up or down. Everyone has been hoping that it would grow up, but with people like these peopling the entire political landscape, one can hardly hope anymore for any political respite. It is enough to make me give up on my morning cereal.
I understand that when Bill gates visited Nigeria some months ago, he had a few harsh words for Nigeria’s leadership. It was said that he refused to be fooled by any figures conjured up by our London-trained economists. Instead, he went for the jugular of Nigeria’s problem: the neglect and gross disrespect of the people. Any policy, he said (translations mine), that does not translate to the improvement of the people’s welfare whereby they can pursue their economic activities legitimately as he did his, amounts to mere rhetoric. It is the Pinocchio effect.
Take a look at the states. Truth is, our politicians never think of the people for once let alone attempt to create enabling economic atmosphere for them. What we have is a movement or a group of people across the land intent on depleting it of its resources. So, theirs is not politics; it is not even poli-tricks; it is poli-trouble in a process resembling nothing known to humane humanity.
I think that is just the problem with Nigerian politics: the players in the opera. Rather than us having people of great intellect and vision, we are finding ourselves dealing with a swarm of politicians that prefers to ‘eat and eat, and then eat some more’. They are never filled because with each eating, their throat gets longer, like Pinocchio’s nose. This is why Nigerians are going around looking dazed, like people under attack from Mars. I tell you, I do not understand this whole idea of home-grown democracy, politics or poli-tricks. Most of the time, it appears to me to resemble some grandstanding in one nightmarish opera that I hope to wake up from some day.
I think that fifty-eight years is not too early for every Nigerian to know that when we occupy a public office, we should learn to curb the excesses of our throat and put our appetites under check. For goodness’ sake, how much can a man eat? Come on, let’s put Pinocchio’s nose out of joint.