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Tag: Solutions

  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Question: Dear Princess, I am a 26 year old and have been married for the last 6 months. I am one of those old fashion ladies that do not believe in sex before marriage. My husband most of the time will release before the foreplay is even half way through, which means we can be on this for about an hour or more trying to see if I can get him to hold himself enough to enter before releasing. Even when we finally get him to enter and release, within on minute he is done. Although he is my 1st and only love, my body yells for more than this. Talking with my friends, it’s obvious that this is not a normal behavior. Princess, can you please help me on how I can help my husband so as to help my marriage. I do not want to end up looking outside before getting sexual satisfied. Ngozi, Amambra.

    Answer: Ngozi, what your husband is exercising is called premature ejaculation. Which means “coming too quickly” it is one of the most common sexual problems which in our society most couples do not know where to turn, they just accept it. According to a 2006 congress of the European society for sexual medicine, an American research paper reported that the average lasting time for men with premature ejaculation was 1.8 minutes and “normal” men lasted an average of 7.3 minutes. But there were males who claimed to have premature ejaculation, yet who could last up to 25 minutes. This obviously shows people have wildly different ideas about what is normal. The condition can be so bad that the man can’t have sex because he ejaculates before he can get into the vagina. This can be devastating for a man’s self-confidence, and it can be hugely frustrating and annoying for his partner, especially if she wants to get pregnant. Earlier experience in trying not to get detected might have pre-conditioned some people to develop premature ejaculation. Some studies show it might have been inherited, so it can either be learned or inherited, either way it is a problem. Anxiety no questions or nerved play a part in many cases, like if you’re nervous you’re likely to come quickly. Some men find that drinking some alcohol might help lengthen the climax period. Of course I am not recommending on this as a treatment just an idea. There are different types of treatments from mild to severe cases. If your spouse is considered mild, i.e. you want him to increase his lasting period from 5 minutes to 10 minutes there is no point in seeing a doctor. Using a distraction technique will help by turning his mind to something else when you sense that climax is near. For example, you can think about something totally unconnected with sex or even pinch yourself. For severe ones, there is a “long love” condom, which was developed by a German scientist and won’t cause vaginal irritation. It is called “Long Love Condon” and it contains a local anesthetic (benzocaine or lidocaine) inside. If you are going try this make sure that you are not sensitive to either one of the medication and of course consult your doctor before trying this or any product that can cause sensibility to your skin. There is also a method called “the masters Johnson Method.” Go on the internet for step-by- step instructions on using and following this method. Remember, a marriage is for better or for worst. I would have wished that your husband told you about this before marrying you. The choice of marrying him knowing that he has a sexual problem would have been yours. Finally, love and a good communication skill is essential in any relationship. This is a problem that the both of you can solve together, but it will require both communication and patience from you. Good Luck!

    Question: Dear Princess, in response to your Barristers story about Day,noon and night husband or partner. I am a 53 year old man and I have two daughters who are 23 and 24 respectively and I am not married. I have a steady girlfriend and not ready to settle down again with any woman. Aside from my steady girlfriend, I swing from one woman to another, and I see myself as a “evening partner or husband” to my current partner right now, especially since there is no paper commitment to each other. Deep down, she is free to do whatever she wants as long as I am not aware of it, and to be honest if I am aware I will forgive her. Alex, Benin.

    Answer:Relationships do not have to be such a struggle. Only when we do not understand one another is there tension, resentment, or conflict. The first thing any couple must realize is that men and women are created differently; we are wired differently, unless each takes the time to study the other party. If not there will always be conflicts, and one of the pillar of foundation of any relationship or marriage would have been overlooked, which is understanding one another. So many people are frustrated in their relationships. They love their partners but there is tension they do not know what to do to make things better. Through understanding how completely different men and women are, you will learn new ways for successfully relating with, listening to, and supporting the other person. You will learn how to create the love you truly deserve.

    Thought of the week:

    Men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished. This is one of the best ways how a man can overcome the need to be resistant to giving love, while women must overcome their resistance to receiving it.

     

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  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Question: Princess I am confused. I met a guy about 6 months ago at a party. 4 week s into our friendship, I agreed to fully date him. Meanwhile, I have been noticing some differences in him. If I call or text him, he will not respond. I call or text him about 10 times before he responds with only one word or two. I have that feeling that if I don’t communicate with him, he might forget about me, or that he is not thinking about me.

    He also appears to be a workaholic because he does not like to talk, he tells me that he loves to be by himself, listens to music, and reads most of the time. He hardly socializes but if he noticed that I am upset, he will tell me its work that he is very busy. I’ve tried to break up with him more than 20 times without any luck. Please advise me! Folake, Victoria Island

    Answer: Folake, you’re boyfriend appears to be a workaholic and a loner. Normal men need 30% extra space in a relationship (Married in faithful relationship). Semi-normal men need 60 % space in a relationship (Married but cheats on their spouse). A loner especially men need 80% space in a relationship (May be married or not if married may need 90% space). Two difficult issues to deal with unless cautioned with extreme patience. Since you have tried to break-up with him more than 20 times without any luck, it means there is love or care from the both of you. I am sure you adore your boyfriend, but you are like most women in love, you can’t get enough of him. Whenever time you are not spending with him in person or on the phone, you are actually longing for him. Sounds like you right? You would give anything to spend the rest of your life with this man, but you have recently come to the realization that he is not feeling the same way about you. Your idea of a relationship is different from his idea of a relationship. He may have told you that he needs some space or room to think.

    If your boyfriend wants time alone, it’s imperative that you do certain very specific things to ensure that his temporary need for some space does not turn into a long break up. When your boyfriend wants time alone the worst possible thing you can do is to push him to change his mind. A man who is feeling distant will only become more so if the woman he is with won’t let him go. He’ll view your behavior as a sign of pure desperation. He’ll run in the opposite direction as fast as he can and he won’t look back although in your mind you might think what you’ve been doing might bring him closer to you or that he does not think that there is someone else if you don’t make that effort. Instead what he is getting or reading from your behavior or through your behavior is that you don’t value him enough to give him what he needs. You are essentially demonstrating to him that your needs matters much more than his, he might even think that you are trying to control him through your actions. No man wants to be with a woman who is that selfish. If your boyfriend wants time to think or he expresses a need for space, give it to him.

    You certainly don’t have to have a huge smile on your face as you push him out the door. Be understanding and cooperate if you do really love or care about him. Also you said he is a workaholic, aside from being a loner, pressure from his work might be an added pressure on him. Someone like that needs pure understanding from his or her partner. This will help him see why you are the perfect partner for him.

    Communication with people like this is also extremely difficult. Chances are that if your boyfriend is one of those people who need a lot of space, he also won’t respond well to emotional arguments involving a lot of tears and yelling. More likely than not, loud emotional confrontation will only succeed in getting him to clamp up behind his wall so fast both of you won’t know what hit you. So if you start feeling like your hurt feelings are turning into anger which is very possible, and the rage is boiling up your throat stop! Take time to calm down, construct an honest argument that includes the possibility for misinterpretation and misunderstanding on both sides, and present what you feel to him calmly.

    If he is reasonable, he will listen. Also, most loners don’t conform to the normal morals, beliefs, and lifestyle of any groups, he stays off on the sidelines, this to them feels great. It is difficult to know how they feel about you but I believe with patience he is also human you will get to know how he really feels about you. They enjoy being free and independent, they do best with people who are more self-sufficient and independent too.

    That way you’re too busy yourself to bother them. It is a good idea to leave him alone for a bit once you two are separate. Absence can be a powerful force during the most tumultuous times for a couple. You need your boyfriend to experience his life without you in it. If he is given the opportunity to really miss you, it will help him understand why you are the partner he needs. You can’t accomplish that if you are waiting around every corner for him with hope that he will change his mind and jump back into a relationship with you.I wish you all the best.

     

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  • Solutions to real life relationship issues

    Thought of the week, response from one of our readers:

    If I found out that the girl I want to marry was once a club girl, I will go ahead and marry her if she promised not to go back to “runs” again. So many things do lead most of our girls to clubbing. Again, ladies who are once harlots, when they marry, they are more faithful to their husbands because they have seen it all. I have seen it happen and they have been happily married. -Kevin

    Compatibility Chart:The score of 70 and above is a pass mark.

    •Is he/she your “friend”? [10]

    •Does your heart jump when you see or think about the person? [5]

    •Do you share the same feelings? I.e. Spiritually, Emotionally, or sexually.[10]

    •Do you share the same religious beliefs?[5]

    •Do you come from similar educational backgrounds?[10]

    •Do you come from similar family backgrounds?[5]

    •Do you like the person’s physical appearance?[5]

    •Do I prefer his/her an intellectual compared to their physical appearance?[10]

    •Do I like he/her regardless of appearance or intellectual?[10]

    •In a conversation do we share the same ideas, thoughts, or beliefs?[10]

    •Regardless of his/her previous social background do I still see yourself having a future with him/her?[10]

    •Do I see myself with him/her for the next 30, 40, or 50 years?[10]

    •Knowing that he/she is selfish or self- centered, do I still see myself spending a lifetime with such a person [10]

     

    How to identify selfish men before it’s too late.

    The way women are created is different from how men are created. When a woman is in love, she will do almost anything to please him, to include overlooking the obvious. In most instances, the obvious is that he is selfish as hell and he thinks that the world revolves around him. In his small mind he feels that it is a privilege for you to be with him. The crazy thing about this scenario is that you reinforce this thought process by continuing to overlook the obvious. He is really into himself which most men are! How many women have had men like this in the past or currently right now? The guy who expects so much of you and gives only what he wants in return? Generally, he will do anything for you only to get something in return. I am afraid most of you have a man like that now, and you probably have chosen to ignore it and overlook the obvious.

    Question:I am in a relationship with two guys right now;I like the both of them for different reasons. One is very rich and buys me anything I want but he is not good in bed. In fact, sometimes I believe that he doesn’t even like sex. The other guy is so good in bed that sometimes we are on it for about 2 or more hours when we have the chance. He is a civil servant and is unable to afford much of my needs. The problem now is that my parents are urging me to settle down and bring my future partner to them. Princess, please advise me on whom to choose. – Amiola, Apapa.

    Answer: Dear Amiola, I cannot choose your future husband for you, but I can advise and guide you on how to decide who is best for you. Choosing a partner has to do with character and sincerely. I have put up a compatibility chart, go through this chart and if either one of them score above 70%, I will say stay with that person. In a relationship, both sex and money are very important, but the most important ingredient that I know is love and a good communication skill from both partners. I wish you all the best. Princess

    Thought if the week:

    Would you marry a Muslim guy knowing full well that his religion allows more than one wife? Although he promised to be with you only, how would you feel if in the future he decided to take another wife and broke his promise?

    Question for the female, would you leave or stay with him?

    Question for the male, wanting to you keeps your promise to your wife but loving another woman outside of your marriage, would you forgo your outside love to satisfy the promise you made to your wife, regardless of what your religion says?

     

    Send your comments to:

    askprincess10@gmail.com

    SMS to: 08155558770

  • Solutions to relationship issues

    -Princess’ Thought of the Week!

    “The key to a happy marriage for any woman is to be able to cook a great meal, and a great sex life with her spouse. Understanding each other, emotionally, physically, and most importantly to some people, spiritually is the basis to a successful and happy marriage.”

     

    Question: Is it possible to recycle or rebrand a woman? – Tomiwa, Ibadan.

    Answer: Yes, it is possible to recycle or even rebrand a woman. To rebrand means to create a differentiated identity in the mind of others. A radical change to ones looks or image such that you create a new identity for yourself. An example is when a 40 year old woman looks 30. This can be accomplished if the woman is aware of the way she looks, by watching her weight, eating a well balanced diet, exercising daily, and paying attention to her general well being. By that, she will continue to look younger than her age and radiant. Another important thing to stay away from is stress. Stress, as we know, can cause a whole lot of medical problems, like high blood pressure which can eventually lead to stroke. But the first thing that stress does to one is that it fasten the ageing process, wherein a 30 year old looks like a 40 year old. So, it is very important to know your stressor and try as much as possible to reduce it. Maintaining a healthy and happy lifestyle is the most important ingredient to youthfulness.

     

    Question: How does a woman keep her marriage so that a younger or another woman for that matter does not steal her spouse? – Seyi, Ajah.

    Answer: The question of keeping ones marriage is simple, but at the same time, also complex. Simple in the sense that if there is love, understanding, and an effective communication on both sides, the marriage will succeed. If your husband marries you when your dress size was 20 and now you try to shed that weight, chances are he likes big women, and that might create a problem in the marriage. The complexity will come in when love fades, understanding is lost, and most essentially the chain of communication breaks. Make sure you keep the fire lit in your relationship with your husband, go back to when you first started dating and see what attracted him to you, vice versa, and see if the same natural charm can still work.

     

    Question: Princess, when does a woman stop having sexual urge in a marriage? – Yinka, Ikeja.

    Answer: Sexual urge by itself differs for both men and women. A friend once told me “My husband’s infidelity is so uncontrollable that I can’t even imagine him touching me any longer”. One of her fears is STD (Sexual Transmitted Disease, e.g. HIV). Another reason was because she felt her husband no longer loves her. So, it requires an internal soul search to find out if the reason for decrease in sexual urge in your marriage is physically or emotionally or even both. Without sexual urge, there is no lovemaking. Lovemaking can be tested in marriage. Meaning, sex itself in marriage is a seal of oneness. A woman especially needs to be careful not to break that seal in order not to break her marriage. It should be no surprise that couples may experience problem that showed up in the bedroom. If sex is not working in your marriage, I will suggest looking below the surface. It may be a result of deeper issues that need to be addressed and resolved before sexual intimacy can improve. Also, things over time, such as job security, children, finances, and age might be contributing factors. Take a look and see how any one of this factor is affecting sexual urge. Ordinarily, just as men are well able to make love way into their 90s, most women also enjoy sex into their 70s and beyond.

     

    Thoughts For The Week!

    Question: Has our society totally lost its ability to choose brain over breast, or breast over brain? What do you think?

    Send your comments to:

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    SMS to: 08155558770