Couples who have been married over two decades share their stories.
In a few days, it would be Valentine’s Day. Lovebirds are already counting their blessings and cupids arrow pointing in different direction. Love, for many these days, is on the run; just when you think you have it, it slips away. Luckily, some have managed to find love, keep and nurture it. In this category are couples who have been married for two decades and more. In an age where marriage is fast taking the shape of the ephemeral, such relationships are worth celebrating. Yetunde Oladeinde, Dorcas Egede and Lateef Sanni report.
Modupe Mulero.
For the Mulero’s, love certainly makes the world go round. As a couple, they have seen and conquered the emotional terrain raising a family that they cherish so much.
Happily, Modupe Mulero shares her story: “Looking down memory lane, there is so much to be thankful about. I got married 25years ago and I must say that the experience has been good. That does not mean that there are no challenges in the relationship. It is actually the way you handle such challenges that would determine how far you can go.”
To buttress her point, Mulero does a quick flashback, recalling the good times as well as the things that kept the relationship going in spite of the odds. “When we signed the dotted lines on our wedding day, we were determined to love each other and be there for each other. We knew that the admonition of for better, for worse meant that we have to endure with every situation and stay with each other through thick and thin.”
She adds that: “From the onset, I was determined to make it work and I made sure I supported my husband in everything to make life better for us. We did everything together and jointly we trained our children to make them useful for us. I must confess that it was not a bed of roses, but God has been helping us to succeed and wax stronger as the days and years roll by.”
The motivation and inspiration for the marriage came basically from the faith in God. “The truth of the matter is that there were a number of difficult situations and circumstances, some things that you were not expecting to happen; but instead of dwelling on the problems, we look ahead for solutions. At such moments, we usually look up to God, pray to him and we didn’t let the situation get us depressed or discouraged. Instead, we became more focused and continued praying until we overcame.”
Mulero traced the success of the union to endurance and patience, which she says is lacking in a lot of relationships these days. “I would therefore use this opportunity to advise young couples to be patient, prayerful and be contented with whatever they have. This would enable them live in harmony with each other. They should see each other as helpmates working together for the progress of the family and not as competition, where one sees the other as a rival or servant.”
Sandra and Eugene Chime Age
Sandra and Eugene Chime Age have weathered the storms together for over two decades, shared a number of memorable moments and submit that it’s been a very exciting journey together. Was it a very smooth emotional journey? Not really but the lovebirds are willing to tell anyone who cares to listen that they would do same all over again if they had the opportunity. “It started in 1992 when my brother-in-law invited my husband home for his birthday party. There Eugene saw me and according to him, he just knew I would be his wife. We got married in 1995, and the rest, as they say, is history.”
Dedication, determination and perseverance are some of the values that bound them together at the beginning of the relationship. It paid off and gradually, they began to reap the fruits of their actions with some memorable moments. “There have been so many but the one that stands out is seeing our first daughter’s sonogram to confirm a pregnancy we had waited on God for, after 9 years of marriage.”
Like most marriages, they went through the vicissitudes of life, breaking barriers and conquering their world. “Our mutual love and fear of God has kept us going. We enjoy each other’s company, whether indoors or outdoors; and the communication lines are always open, so we talk, talk and talk about anything and everything.”
Romantic? Yes, that aptly sums their emotional story; and as they wax stronger on a daily basis, Sandra has a word of advice for younger couples and those who are about to tie the knot. “The success of the relationship depends on you. Hopefully, if you marry your friend, all that is required is true friendship. If you fear God, there’ll be fewer hassles because you will not dare to do certain things. Talk to each other as often as possible, so you can build up your strength together. There is no need to hide anything from your spouse, that way you will enjoy peace because you have a clear conscience.”
Victoria Olufunmilayo and Gboyega Awomolo
At 60, Victoria Olufunmilayo Awomolo has the world in her pocket. A good career, family and a loving husband. “I would say God has been faithful. I have enjoyed my life beyond some of the challenges people face in life”, she enthused.
Like her husband, she is also a Senior Advocate of Nigeria, SAN and this became possible because of the support she got from her better half. “I was doing well as a teacher, but my husband being someone who has always shown interest in me and my career since the first day we met, wanted more for me. By the time the opportunity presented itself to toe another career path, he held me by the hand and pulled me up by throwing his weight behind me. Apart from God, my husband has been there all the way.”
She adds: “I don’t have any regrets about life. I have had a good marriage surrounded by a loving husband and wonderful children and a grandchild.” Happily she recalls how it all started. “I met my husband 35 years ago in my brother’s office. I didn’t know he had interest in me because I just greeted him and left. A few days later, my brother called me that his friend (my husband) was interested in me, but he had already told him that I was a serious-minded person. By the time we got talking, he showed genuine interest in me and was passionate about my career. He didn’t sound desperate. Looking back, I saw a man who knew what he wanted and waited for it.”
They dated for two years and realised that theirs was love made in heaven. “He is a loving, kind and generous man. He likes to showcase me wherever he goes. The marriage is blessed with four children- two boys and two girls. One of them is a lawyer. My first son read Economics and is currently studying Law; the last one whom I had while pursuing my law degree did Electrical Engineering at Afe Babalola University, Ado-Ekiti. Another one read Mass Communication at Bowen University and went to University of Aberdeen in Scotland to study Human Relations. So far we have had a beautiful life.”
Secret of longevity?
“A peaceful married life, contentment and contentment,” she opines. “Life is good when there is peace of mind and you are not troubled by the ups and downs of life. Be content with what you have and take each day as it comes. Whenever I am faced with life’s challenges, I just laugh over it and don’t allow it to get to me because I believe it is a phase that will blow away?”
Chief and Mrs. W. O. Edoja
Chief Edoja, 91 walked into the living room to receive the reporter whose coming had only been announced few minutes earlier. Apart from the dimness of his sight, nothing gave away his age. When he spoke, his voice had the strength of youth; his sense of humour revealed a man who knew how to have a good laugh and make people around him have same; the detailed report he gave on how he met his wife (as if it was just yesterday) revealed a memory made possible by a blissful and peaceful married life.
Pa Edoja told the reporter he and his wife had been married for 61 years. “Wow! 61 long years?” this reporter exclaimed.
To this the Nonagenarian replied, “Is 61 years long? If God spares our lives, we are praying to make it up to 80 years. We hope break the record of the oldest couple alive. The Chinese couple was married for 110 years.”
The Edojas got married February 2nd, 1957. Theirs was a case of love at first sight. With memory too sharp for a man his age, Pa Edoja began narrating the chance meeting that led to their 61 years of happily-ever-after. “We were not friends. I was a teacher. I had completed my grade three teachers’ training and was already teaching, but she was a student. I went to my mum’s place to spend some holidays. And she was there to see her aunty. I said to myself, ‘What a black beauty.’ That was the beginning of the whole thing. I told my mum and uncle that I liked the girl. They were very surprised to hear me talk about liking a girl. Before we knew it, the match-makers were already at work. She went back to school, and as we used to do in those days, I wrote many letters to which I never got a reply. You know, shy girls don’t reply letters, they just read and keep them, they never tear them. But that didn’t stop me from writing,” he said teasingly. To this his wife, who had been quiet all along, laughed and replied, “Who told you I kept the letters?”
Continuing, he added, “You know what we used to do in those days; we used blue pad to write and put some scented powder inside it. That was the style in those days. When they open it and see the powder, they wear it, and then, the show is on.”
Narrating their chance meeting, Mrs. Edoja, 79 said, “I had gone to visit my mum on holidays and he had too gone visiting his aunt. One afternoon, as I went to dry the tapioca that my aunt had just fried under the sun, someone walked up to me and said he likes me. I looked at him wondering to myself that “I came on holidays; I didn’t come to look for a man. That was how it all started.” She said amidst laughter. The couple sure knows how to have a good laugh.
This chance meeting was in 1956, and within a year, the love birds had taken the stroll down the aisle; precisely in February of 1957.
Does happily-ever-after signify a trouble-free marriage? No. Pa Edoja is of the opinion that marriage is fraught with many challenges but communication and understanding each other as a couple is key to the success of any marriage. “She is a very enduring woman. All young men go bad sometimes. Men are very naughty. When such naughtiness crop up, she overlooks them and there is no trouble. It’s not that when two people live in the house together, they don’t have little misunderstanding, but she is just very understanding. When I say understanding, I mean you would do something that you think should get her very annoyed, and she will sit you down and ask why you did it, and then, the matter is talked over. That’s all. We communicate a lot. One thing we have in common is that when we have a misunderstanding, we don’t bring it to the public. We settle it between ourselves.
For Mrs. Edoja, the challenges are distractions from other women, some of which saw the birthing of children other than hers. Did she tear down the roof? “The damage had been done; what is the use of fighting to further complicate the situation?” was her reply.
What is Pa Edoja forever thankful for about the marriage? “She is not a troublesome or quarrelsome woman. She’s a business woman, very enterprising. If she leaves the house for two days, we miss her and want her to come back.”
In this age where most women see wedlock as a padlock because their husbands tend to clog their wheel of progress due to insecurity issues, Ma Edoja said her husband is most supportive and doesn’t hinder her from achieving anything she aspires to. “You know some women say their husbands don’t allow them do things for themselves. But my husband, if I say I want to build a house of my own, he will stand and support me to the last. I will give him money, and he will stand and build the house for me.”
Asked to describe his 61 years of marriage, Pa Edoja does so in two words, “Beautiful, memorable.” For mama, “Our 61 years of marriage is a happy one. We always thank God for the day we met.”
Advice to intending couples?
Pa Edoja spoke first, “First of all, they must learn patience, and they must be understanding. You must understand that your partner has a view point. Each time you’re doing anything or discussing, listen to her. Don’t just brush her aside that she’s a woman. She must bring something to the table. Even if you’re opposed to it, consider it. If you’re against it, explain why, she will understand. I’ll summarise it as understand each other.”
Mrs. Edoja on the other hand says, “Learn to be patient and tolerant. Stop castigating your husband in front of everybody. If your husband tells you he doesn’t have money, leave it at that and do what you need to do with the little resources available. When my husband tells me he doesn’t have money, I don’t disturb him. If I have the money, I use; if I don’t, I make do with what he gives me. Some women search their husbands pocket for money. I have never done that.
“Another thing is listen to your husband. Some women prefer to do the opposite of what their husband says. This does not help the marriage.”
Mama didn’t end without acknowledging the fact that a successful marriage needs God. “We pray together for God to help us keep our marital vows. They often say that the family that prays together stays together.”
Ahmed and Zainab Adamu
Pa Ahmed Adamu has been married to his wife Zainab for over three decades. The secret of the union, they say, is the fact that they share so many things in common. Today they have become a great source of joy to their children, grandchildren and other family members.
“We are from the same village in Kano state. I met her through my parents and as soon as she was introduced to me, I liked her. Ever since that first encounter, my feelings for her have not changed. In addition, she has been a very loyal wife and that loyalty is something that earned my respect over the years” spoke more about.
Adamu their love story this way: “We have never lived apart since we got married. She goes everywhere with me and somehow we have became inseparable. In the neighbourhood, people have taken notice of us because we also wear the same cloths, move around together. And each time someone sees me without my wife, they asked questions because it was unusual.”
Has anything changed?
“Nothing has changed. I still see my Zainab as the young pretty girl that I married almost forty years ago. One other interesting part is that our children have learnt a lot about marriage from us faithfulness, devotion to one another and the importance of companionship. Unfortunately, many young couples are not usually there for each other. Everyone is busy running after money, career and fame; and the marriage and children usually suffer.”
Feyisara Salami
“I got married on February 14, 1988.
My experience so far has been very interesting. Over the years, I have found that marriage is an institution that works when you understand and master the rules. Sadly, anyone that does not have endurance would find it very difficult to survive and have a relationship that is healthy.
Salami goes on to talk about some circumstances that could make or mar relationships. “The most important fact in any relationship is that the couple is from different backgrounds and therefore has different values. Patiently and painstakingly, they begin to learn and understand each other. That, usually, is the secret to the success of the union.”
Going down memory lane, Salami takes you into their world and the things that motivated and inspired the relationship. “What kept me going was the fact that I wanted the relationship to survive. So, the major strategy for me was endurance and prayers. I refused to focus my attention on the problems because that would bring frustration. I believed that sooner or later we would achieve our goals.”
The trying period luckily did not last and having a supportive spouse made things get better. “Luckily, I have a man that is very supportive and has a listening ear. Prayer was also very important and it made it easy to overcome the trying periods in the marriage. We managed every problem and pushed ahead with the opportunities that came our way. This brought the breakthroughs and gradually we began to count our blessings.”
Advice to young couples
My advice to young couples is that they should put God first in their relationship. It is a tough race and you survive by being determined, working hard and being prayerful. As young people, it is better to persevere and be patient. Unfortunately many are impatient and that is why you have a lot of violence in marriages these days. It is important that they listen to each other, as they chart a positive way forward in the marriage. It is also important to plan for the children and not just wait until there is a problem. That is what brings frustration, anger and aggression in some marriages. I also think that elaborate weddings create problems in some relationships. If you can afford it fine, if not, it is better to cut your coat according to size. It also depends on the couple and their family. It requires solid arrangement and the culture or taste of the families in question.”
