Being apart is definitely trying at times, even for couples with a relatively strong foundation. How do you get through it?
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, being apart sucks for a number of reasons, not least of which is that you’re missing out on that all-important physical connection: holding hands, cuddling on the couch, kissing and, of course, having sex.
“It’s normal to crave intimacy when you are apart, but sometimes maintaining intimacy and keeping things spicy is not as easy as it seems,”
No one’s ever said that long-distance relationships are easy, but the distance doesn’t have to ruin your relationship either. With the right commitment and communication, long-distance relationships can actually be more stable than geographically close relationships. Simple adjustments to your attitude and lifestyle can help you keep your loved one in your life.
Many people believe that long-distance relationships are never going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of your best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken.
Nobody says it is going to be easy-the extra distance makes many things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times.
Talk about mundane, little things: Don’t feel as though every conversation needs to be a thoughtful discussion about your relationship, hopes, or dreams. Instead, focus on the little things that couples who live together would, such as grocery shopping, doing chores around the house, or redecorating.[6] This gives the feeling of creating a home together, something you both can look forward to.
Talking about the boring or mundane parts of your day can also foster connection and interdependence, the foundation of relationships.[7]
Create trust: Trust in a relationship is vital, regardless of distance. Try your best to be faithful and avoid temptation. If you do make a mistake, it’s especially important to be honest and tell your partner the truth in cases where lying would benefit you. For example, if you put yourself in a position of temptation (like going to a bar), lying about your whereabouts would benefit you personally, but would benefit your relationship if you were honest.
Frequent use of email and online resources can help cultivate trust in romantic relationships.[
Tip 1: Be ready to work twice as hard as you did before:
During college, my now-husband (then-boyfriend) went to school year round in Utah while I stayed behind and finished up high school and then attended a local college. Even though we were young, we knew our relationship was the one worth fighting for so we were determined to get through those years. We have now been together a total of 12 years and have been married for the last five. One thing we’ve learned? You need to work toward having a very strong, solid base to your relationship when you’re long distance.
Be open, honest, and trusting. Take the time to figure out how and when is best to communicate with each other. Work at making each other feel special, even without seeing each other. All the things you work on during a normal relationship will need extra effort for in a long distance relationship
Tip 2: Establish some ground rules about when you’ll see each other: My husband and I did long distance for five and a half years in total, with me working and going to school in Toronto and him in school in Florida. We had a rule to never go more than six weeks without seeing one another in person and we pretty much stuck to that. Be committed to each other.
Be open and honest by volunteering private information. You should both be morally committed to each other, continuing the relationship because of personal values, not because of social pressures. Personal values include beliefs like staying faithful is part of my identity. Social pressures involve the perception of society’s approval or disapproval. For example, my mum would be devastated if I cheated on my girlfriend and she broke up with me.
Watch out for behaviour where your partner tries to manipulate you into doing something that only benefits your partner, like lying about an emergency to get you to answer your phone during an important business meeting. If dishonesty and manipulation become a part of your communication, then you must revisit why your relationship lacks trust.
Tip 3: Call and text each other throughout the day: My wife and I have had to do the long distance thing twice in our relationship. When we first met she lived about an hour away in San Jose and I lived in San Francisco.
After we got married I was working in San Francisco and she was in Los Angeles and we only got a few days a month to see each other. We learned that you have to call and text each other during the day and share what’s going on. In other words, don’t wait to do it all in a phone call at the end of the day when you are tired. Make your partner part of your daily life.
– Matty Staudt
Get comfortable talking about your feelings, needs and desires and listening to your partner’s, too.
Be open with your partner. The key to intimacy in LDRs is open communication. Discuss the best ways to maintain intimacy with your partner. Don’t be shy to experiment with intimate activities that you both are comfortable doing. Communicate your sexual desires and be open to your partner’s desires, too. – Craig
Don’t do anything irrational just because you’re angry or upset about something they’ve said or done. Communication is key, if you have a problem then talk it out, it will build better trust and a stronger bond. You can’t maintain a relationship if you are terrified that they will do something to you because you did something out of anger.
Tip 4: Don’t forget to schedule regular Skype dates:
It’s really essential that you and your partner have a schedule for when you’ll talk. We’re fortunate that we have so many different modes of contact these days, but texting is not enough to keep a long-distance relationship going. To maintain a strong relationship, you need to talk on the phone, but preferably something like Skype, as often as you can!
It’s important to schedule those times so you and your partner know that this is the designated time to connect. Also, it’s important to continue living your own life when your significant other is away. Continue to interact with friends, remain social and carry on as you normally would. If you
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