Category: Arts & Life

More Nigerians sending their elderly to old peoples’ homes

Following an increasingly changing lifestyle and a gradual departure from a culture that systematically took care of its elderly ones, there seems to be a growing need for care homes for the elderly in the country. Gboyega Alaka explores the realities.

The 70-something year-old Mrs. Tricia Adebanji is a mother of five and should ordinarily be having fun, having successfully trained all her children to university level. In her hey days,  she worked with the Nigerian Immigration Service, as well as engaged in other legal businesses including contract bidding and execution and food canteen. It was also the beginning of the great recession in the middle to late 1980s, when the economy plummeted and unemployment rose sharply. So like many who were well-placed at the time, she literally flung her children to developed countries of Europe and America, to forage for greener pastures.

Having lost her husband along the line, she was left with the baby of the house, her only daughter, Toyosi,  as her companion. But it was all for the best and things went well at the time. The children prospered, got reasonably good jobs, got married and regularly sent money home to her. She also regularly went on tour, visiting them in their respective countries of residence and generally having fun.  Life was good and even as she retired from active work, money was the least of her problems.

But the baby of the house soon came of age. Toyosi graduated and got a job with a bank, and  as a result, Mrs. Adebanji was forced to spend more time alone at home. But that’s no reason to worry, she was still the well-loved ‘mummy’ and ‘grandma’ to everybody and still went out quite well to socialise.

More recently however, old age has set in. Her bones are becoming weaker, her movement, slower and her ability to socialise, reducing drastically. Worst of all, her sight has began to fail – a result of poorly treated cataract. The thousands of distance between her and her children who live abroad have also ensured that they only come home to see her once a year, and sometimes, once in a leap year. Even Toyosi recently got married and has had to go live with her husband. She only checks on her mother when she could squeeze time from her busy bank job.  So now, Mrs. Adebanji is really lonely. Her sight problem also means she has become more dependent and in need of help.

Unfortunately, her impatience with the different house-helps contracted for her also means that they hardly stay with her longer than a week, at most a month; compounding the frustration of the children, who wouldn’t want the public to think they has abandoned their beloved mother when she needs them most. Pitiably, virtually all the pressure have fallen on Toyosi, who lives in Nigeria, as if she were her mum’s only child. Today, it is not unlikely to hear her nag and complain out loud what burden their mother has become on her, “as if I’m her only child. I wish I could get somewhere to put her or some reputable care-giver to come in everyday to be with her like we have in the US.”

Mrs. Adebanji’s story above is just one of a typical situation many Nigerian families are confronted with today.

Recently, a lady Chinasa (not real name) went on the social media to request for information regarding a specialised home for the care of the elderly. She wrote: “I really need this information right now. Apart from Catholic homes, where the poor live, I don’t know of any other thing close. I have a great-grandmother, who is over a hundred years old staying with my family. She can’t walk; pees and poos on herself, although she uses adult diapers most of the time. … Caring for her has been extremely hellish! We’ve employed people to clean her up and take care of her but they usually end up running off. Sometimes, we’ve had to lock her up at home, when everyone has a place to be. If we had the option of a home, where we can pay for her care, it’d be great relief for everyone, including herself.”

Note the desperation in Chinasa’s voice and note the line where she said “Sometimes, we’ve had to lock her up at home, when everyone has a place to be.” But at least, she and the other members of the family have not labelled her a witch and thrown her into the streets as witches.

In Calabar, Cross Rivers State, that is the unfortunate situation. Not long ago, 13 elderly persons were rescued from the streets after being thrown out by their families on the excuses of being witches. These people were eventually taken in by the Pope John Paul II Good Samaritan Home, which have been caring for them ever since. Rev. Sister Yvonne Nwankwo, who is in charge of the home was quoted to have implored children to stop maltreating or neglecting their aged parents.

A growing need

Increasingly, the need for homes for the elderly, or what is generally known as ‘old people’s home’ is growing in the country. Evidently, because of changing lifestyles, a suddenly fast-paced world, where people are becoming too busy to take care of themselves, let alone loved ones, the elderly are now suffering. Consequently, what people in this part of the world used to view as a misnomer and a ‘wicked culture’ of abandoning ones aged parents’ has crept into our society. A quick check online would reveal a good number of these homes and care-givers, especially in metropolitan cities like Lagos, Ibadan, Port Harcourt, Calabar and Abuja. Although still a handful and grossly inadequate, the fact that they have even surfaced and are in business shows a marked paradigm shift.

Nigeria with the largest number of elderly people in Africa, boasts of just over a dozen such homes, but that they have even found a footing at all is commendable, since Nigerians have never found it culturally agreeable or commendable to ‘dump’ their old ones in homes, preferring to take care of them the best way they can, until they pass on. At the last count, some of these homes or care agencies include the Regina Mundi Holy Family Family Home for the Elderly (Lagos), the Pope John Paul II Good Samaritan Home (Calabar), Winiseph Care Home (Lagos), Regal Care Nigeria, Bluegate Healthcare, Family Ark Mission, to mention a few.

This reporter also paid a visit to some of these homes and agencies, to have a first-hand assessment of the facilities and interact with the operators.

Adekunle Somefun, who is supervisor and admin manager at Winiseph Care Home says the home is the brainchild of Prof & Mrs. Odusote, both of whom are medical personnel, with long-standing years of practice. He said it was borne out of the founder’s desire to create a conducive abode for the elderly, following a personal experience. “From what the MD, Mrs. Kofoworola Odusote told me,  the establishment of this home was inspired by a personal experience of how her aunt, who at that time was in the twilight of her life, constantly complained of poor care from the house-help contracted to take care of her and of how her meals were constantly delayed, while the house-help went about her personal ‘business’. She said it was after her demise that she decided she’d love to be taking care of the elderly, especially since she was about retiring at the time.”

Somefun said the home is seven years old and that it runs a 24-hour service, with care-givers, medical team, non-medical team alike on ground to render quality service to the residents. He also says the home runs day care and full residents.

Somefun said the oldest resident at Winiseph has been there for four years. “He used to live in his hometown in Ijebu, Ogun State but became lonely at a point because all his children are grown up and away from home. He has six children, two live and work in Lagos while four live and work abroad.”

He debunked the opinion that people who live in old people’s home are those who have been abandoned by their children or ‘dumped’ as many prefer to call it. “It is because their people care for them that they have brought them here, and they pay for the services. So in the real sense, it is because the children don’t have time, yet they want the best for their parents that they bring them here.”

He spoke of how this particular elder “didn’t want to move an inch from his home, thinking that they were taking him to some horrible place, but now he is actually nearing five years here, and obviously enjoying it.”

He said “The oldest person here is 96, but she’s still very sound. what happened in her case is that the daughter on account of her business travels a lot and rather than leave her at the mercy of house-helps, she thought it best to bring her here, where she was sure of total care.

On the price range, Somefun said he may not be able to disclose that on the go, but that depends on the age and state of health of the elder.

About the fear that sane people may be mixed with people who are mentally sound, Somefun shook his head in disagreement, but explains that “Dementia in the real sense is a medical state that cannot be corrected or reversed but which can be managed. And it’s not all of them that are violent like many people think. So I always tell the children that life is in stages and that we are here to manage their parents for them, since they cannot spare the time. In truth, there are some things that we may not be able to do, but the human care, medical care and pampering that they need, we will give them.”

Somefun enthused that the children also come in regularly to check in on their parents and reunite with them as much as possible.

He said social clubs and organisations also visit the home from time to time to celebrate birthdays and other important festive occasions with them. This, he said, is to remind them that they are still part of us and are not abandoned.

Mama Saro (not real name)

One of the residents of the home whom we shall call ‘Mama Saro’ for the sake of confidentiality and because she once lived and worked in Sierra Leone, spoke of how she came to live in Winiseph Care Home.

She said, “It’s not that I’m sick or anything, but my daughter travels a lot. Sometimes, she may be gone for a whole week, sometimes more; that’s why she thought it wise to bring me here, where she said she can trust that they will take good care of me.”

She explained that she is an Urhobo, “What you Yoruba people call Isobo, but I grew up in Lagos. My parents had a house on Idi Street in Ajegunle. I also lived in Surulere and at a point travelled to Sierra Leone, where I lived for many years and even worked as Confidential Secretary to the Chairman of Sierra Leones Electricity Corporation. I was in Saro for many years before coming back to Nigeria. My mother was a big textile dealer in the old Balogun Market on Lagos Island. I also lived on Anfani Street, Ibadan with my husband.”

Of the level of care she is receiving in the home, Mama Saro said “Oh, if it is about that one, they take care of us very well. I would even say that their service is excellent, only that anywhere you have a group of people numbering up to five or ten, you always find some people whose habit or character you may not be agreeable with.”

Asked how old she is, Mama Saro paused for a moment, looked to the ceiling and then said “Calculate it, I was born in 1943”

So much for someone who had earlier told this reporter that “My only problem is that I forget a lot.”

Regina Mundi

At the Regina Mundi Catholic Church Holy Family Home for the Elderly, it is an atmosphere of conviviality.  No complain, no nagging or bickering on the part of the elders – at least for the hour or so that this reporter spent in the home on his two visits. He also did not notice any haughtiness on the part of the staff. In fact, one of the elders, Mrs. Margaret Babalola, while commending one of the staff said “She is very pleasant woman. She must have been born of good parents.”

On the morning of this reporter’s visit, the elders, numbering about ten – three of them male, were having breakfast of custard and akara and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. The staff were all over them, making sure they lacked nothing and administering their drugs as they rounded off their meals.

The living room is spacious, highly ventilated with ceiling fans an air-conditioner, and a flat screen television for entertainment. Here, it also seems electricity supply is 24-hours non-stop. Aside the big generating plant humming quietly in the background, the home also enjoys the luxury of Inverters, which according to Rev. Mother in charge, Sister Anthonia Adebowale, was donated to the home by an international organisation called Small World.

The home was founded in 1982 and the “cardinal principle is to help the elderly poor. That was our objective in the past and it still is our objective in the present.” To ensure that maximum care is given to the residence, she said, it is a policy of the home not to take more than 14 elders at a go. She said the home started as a bungalow and was later upgraded to a storey building, to accommodate more people.

The sister also informed that the home is  totally charity organisation and so the residents don’t pay. “If they have to pay, maybe if they are sick and have family members who are able to foot the bill.”

She said funds for the home come from well-meaning Nigerians who come in to donate in cash and kind. As the sister in charge, Rev. Mother Adebowale says she solicits funds for the home and even goes to the different parishes to solicit for fund. “So it’s pure charity, not as if we get any subvention from government or anywhere.”

Unlike most other homes visited, this reporter was also given a free hand to interview the residents, while the Rev Mother wondered why he hadn’t gone ahead to take the pictures of the elders at breakfast.

Though a catholic church initiative, the reverend mother said the home is not discriminatory and in fact has a Muslim in their midst, who has been with them for quite a while.

Bless the Reverend Mother!

The first resident this reporter interviewed was Iya Jos, a Yoruba woman. She said she goes by the name because she lived a long time in Jos, before coming over to Lagos. She had just finished her meals and from the look of things, she may be approaching her centenary birthday or well past it. The sight of her Muslim rosary in front of her also gave her away as the Muslim Sister Adebowale was referring to. It also testifies to the fact that she still practises her religion and that the church has no qualms about it.

She revealed that she’s been in the home for sometime but cannot really recall how long. As for the care, she said they take care of her very well. She would not tell the number of her children but said the reason she’s in the home is because her children are too busy to take care of her and their children are attending school.

As this reporter made to go for another resident, she called him back and said, “The reverend sister is good. She takes very good care of us.”

Mrs. Cerena Onwuneli’s impeccable English accent already betrayed her background even before she revealed that she was a trained teacher. She cannot remember her age, but said she is in the home because her brother brought her there and because her only son died seven years before she came into the home. As for grandchildren, she said “he was married and I was told he had two children, but I’ve never seen them.”

Once, she tried leaving the home to go and live with her brother, but she said she didn’t enjoy it much and it was even the reverend sister who noticed she wasn’t looking happy.

Her reason, she said is that “At my brother’s place, they don’t like me going to Mass every Sunday, but here, I am free to go to Mass at anytime.”

She hailed from Ezihinite Mbaise, Imo State, she said and was a trained teacher, with years of experience at elementary school.

Margaret Babalola on her part says she’s been in the home for over a year, although one of the staff who overheard her corrected that she has been in the home for four years.

Mrs. Babalola says she’s in the home because her “children are in London and don’t have time for me, but they have time for their wives. That is the way the world is now, but it is not good. We didn’t treat our parents like that. Besides, they have never been here to see me.”

About Rev Mother Adebowale, she asked: “Pray what can we do for this woman, she was the one that saw me at a programme and brought me here? Then, I was ill and my legs were sore, but she took me to the hospital and they took care of it. Now I’m better.”

Born in 1943, Mr. Raphael Oyelere was a mechanic and then a driver in his active days. He drove long distance passenger buses to Jos, Kaduna and Zaria until old age set in.

He revealed that he used to live in Isale-Eko and came to the home at the instance of Reverend Father Charles.

“I used to attend church regularly, but when my wife died, it became a bit difficult for me, so I stopped. They noticed, came to check on me and saw that I was lonely. That was how they brought me here. I don’t pay a kobo.”

He said some of his children are dead and that the others are still young and with relatives.

Regal Care Nigeria

Regal Care Nigeria is a care home based in Lagos and run by a young man  and UK-trained nurse, Olufela Lapite. He says it was born out of the need to fill the gap being created by the fact that “less family members are willing to look after the older people in our society.”

He explained that “In the past, there were younger children who were used as housemaids and left with aged parents to cook and do other house work,” but that Regalcare is averse to this pattern as it denies the young children their human rights to education and co. He also said the maids are not really trained in terms of health and safety, hygiene, manual handling and all, hence the need for an organisation like Regal Care.

Another reason, he said is that “the children of these older people are now very busy to attend to the needs of their parents or grand-parents. Some work in private organisation where they leave home at 6am and do not return home until very late in the night.”

He said Regal Care therefore came into existence to ensure that older people in the society are cared for through regular healthcare training.

He said Regal care does not operate by care home at the moment but carries out services in the comfort of its clients home. “We believe it is better to leave older people to continue to live in their own homes, where they feel more comfortable with and also very used to. This is being practised in other parts of the world like UK,USA, Canada etc. Our carers are trust worthy and very diligent in the services we render.”

He also said the organisation makes sure the carers are supervised by qualified nurses and that they work with other multi-disciplinary teams like doctors, physiotherapists and co.