Category: Tatalo Alamu

  • The day of the council underdogs

    Always centralise! The key to human civilisation and development lies in this simple maxim. It arises out of the human need for order, stability and discipline to handle the chaos of existence. It led to the evolution of the state. As humans went about farming and hunting, the need arose for a strong breed that will protect them from external aggression, regulate the wilder impulses and impose laws and levies for the smooth running of nascent society. The state is the first human insurance against anarchy.

    But as it so often happens in history, every human advancement creates its own toxic side-effects. Centralization sometimes leads to over-centralization which leads to a distortion of human values, creates resentment and unhappiness and ends in the stratification of society along class lines. For every top dog, there must be many angry and sulking underdogs. This is why civil and uncivil class warfare has been the unhappy lot of all human societies since the dawn of civilization.

    At the recently concluded workshop for Lagos State Council officials, this interplay of class distinction and societal division was in full and open display. There are council officials and there are council officials. It was a teachable moment and learning curve for yours sincerely as virtually every councilor took to the floor, bewailing their fate and berating their chairmen for treating them like scum and unworthy galley slaves. If anybody had thought that these feisty councilors would be mute and complaint about their fate, it was a profound mistake. The entire hall listened with rapt attention as they spilled the unpalatable beans.

    They had come to bury the Council Caesars and not to praise them. It was not just about the perks and perquisites of office. It was also about job satisfaction and career enhancement. The professional council officials feel completely alienated and sidelined from the mainstream state civil service. A lady who is a manager in one of the councils squared up to yours sincerely and pointedly asked whether she was not qualified to end up as a permanent secretary.

    Yet the consensus even among the guest lecturers who are distinguished scholars and observers of the Local Councils in the country was that the Lagos Local Government was unarguably the best and most efficient in the country in terms of service delivery. If gold can rust, one can imagine the state of lesser metals. Something urgent needs to be done about the structure of local governance in the country. As home to a megalopolis and an urban conurbation of almost 20 million people, Lagos is unique and will have to take the lead once again. May God help Fashola’s successor.

  • Still in search of excellence

    ( In Praise of the Alamu man)

     

    Remember him, the Alamu man? Oh yes Snooper does and with much adoration and admiration. If you lived in the old Oyo State in the late seventies and early eighties and you were a buff of broadcast journalism, you can never forget Smolette Adetoyese Shittu-Alamu. With his rich mellifluous Ghanaian baritone rumbling in the background, the Ghana born ace broadcaster brought an intellectual flair and knowledge-based entertainment to broadcast journalism in that part of the nation.

    After the creation of Oshun State in 1991, Smolette relocated with his immense talents to his home state and its broadcasting imperium from where he retired from the topmost echelons only recently. He was an instant hit in the Snooper household with the spouse often calling her husband the Alamu man. Snooper had long been intrigued by the man behind the mast, as they say. When we eventually met, one was even more impressed by the man’s humility, his reticence and stout refusal to leverage his immense popularity for a mess of political pottage. This is an unusual Nigeria.

    A few weeks back, Snooper again ran into the old crooner in Ilase, deep in the rural entrails of Oshun State at the Thanksgiving Service of Pa Ajayi, beloved father of Modupe Gbadebo-Ajayi, former Editor of Sunday Times and one time Managing Director of the old Sketch empire. Before you could say Jack Robinson, the Alamu man had thrust into Snooper’s palms a copy of his memoirs with a glowing inscription to the other Alamu. The memoirs was appropriately titled: In Search of Excellence.

    It is a riveting read. Snooper now understands where Smolette is coming from. This is the laudable quest of one man as he struggled for personal and professional excellence in the face of official and unofficial adversities; full of sweet victories and bitter personal defeats including a shocking examination deflation which deprived the author of early university education against all expectations and predictions.

    For Snooper, the hero of this memoirs is the Alamu father. An illiterate, Pa Alamu grew up in Ghana and taught himself how to read and write. He became a professional litigant traversing all the courts in the region. By sheer force of personality and dint of hard work, he was also able to acquire stupendous wealth which he used to train all his children. As colorful as ever, he once deposed to a court when it became impossible to determine which of his numerous cases he was pursuing at the particular moment.

    “My Lord, I no come for cocoa case. Cocoa case e die over one years ago. No, I no come for cocoa case sir. I come for summons to show cause!”

    As self-effacing and humble as ever, Smolette believes that he is the least confrontational and most amenable of the great man’s numerous offspring. But reading through this memoirs even Pa Alamu would applaud his son’s grit, courage and integrity. This is inspirational stuff and a moveable literary feast.

  • A Freezing Evening with Murtala Mohammed

    A Freezing Evening with Murtala Mohammed

    It has been unseasonably cold in England. An icy fog lays a brutal siege on the entire country from Inverness to Portsmouth. The ambience in Birmingham is grey and dreary as country and people are frozen into a vast mass of drooping icicles. It is the worst winter in thirty years, and February is the cruelest of months. Even this late in the year rather than retreating, General Winter has been advancing.

    Trapped inside the house by a ferocious sleet storm and wrapped up like a Siberian wayfarer, Snooper has hit the bottle on the rebound. Our comforter is a vicious Austrian liqueur known as Stroh”80″. Known otherwise as the spirit of Austria, It is eighty per cent alcohol and a sip could take a bull out in a second. I often wonder why the immensely cultured but imperious Austrians are allowed to do this to the civilised world. But then, there are many things the Austrians will want the world to forget.

    The generous provider of this heady spirit is an Aeronautical Engineer friend of Kogi extraction who is based in Birmingham. A hilarious and witty fellow, our man once told Snooper of how he took a bottle of the strong stuff home as a Christmas present to the Oba of his town who happens to be his cousin. Kabiyesi often boasts of his drinking prowess. A few hours later when the engineer returned to the palace to retrieve a document, his royal majesty had passed out on the bare floor with his staff of office lying on top of him.

    For intellectual comfort, Snooper has been reading excerpts from the interesting memoirs of Engineer Akindele, the first Director General of the Nigerian Telecommunication. It is riveting read which shows how things used to be with the civil servants and civil service of yore. But by far the most interesting revelations in the memoirs concern Akindele’s memorable encounter with the tempestuous and unpredictable Murtala Mohammed both as Head of State and as Akindele’s supervising commissioner at the Ministry of Communication. At a point, Akindele was so exasperated by Murtala’s bullying antics that he blurted out in Yoruba that his own child was three years’ older than the menacing Mohammed.

    The straight-laced bureaucrat thought he was making an uncomplimentary comment beyond Mohammed’s linguistic ken. Little did he realise that the mysterious warlord spoke and understood Yoruba perfectly well. A few years later, in fact on the eve of Mohammed’s assassination, Akindele almost took to his heels when Obasanjo asked him in Yoruba language whether he had forgiven them for the shabby manner the government treated him, only for Mohammed to retort in Yoruba: A si nbe. (We are still pleading with him)

    Although still very controversial with regards to many aspects of his distinguished career, particularly the pogrom in Asaba and the infamous burglary of the exchequer in Benin, Mohammed has long been canonised as the nation’s most iconic leader. It is also arguable that had he lived longer, Mohammed would have unraveled as deliberate and painstaking statesmanship became unamenable to his short-fused hell-raising and impetuous grandstanding. But give a man his dues. Mohammed was kind, humane, charitable and ever ready to make amends when and where his conduct or the policies of his government might have caused harm or grievous damage. Here was a noble ruler.

    From a very unflattering background reeking of supremacist arrogance, Murtala made a dramatic transition to a bold and visionary conception of the nation as an organic community of equal stakeholders. From a sectarian warmonger dripping with religious and regional prejudices, he became a Pan-Nigerian patriot of unusual mettle. It was an apostolic conversion of Pauline proportions. At a very grave time when Nigeria is once again in danger of fracturing along regional and religious lines as a result of the antics of a visionless and greedy cartel, Mohammed’s dynamic and visionary leadership commends itself to an endangered nation.

    These were the sober thoughts that engaged one’s attention as the ferocious sleet storm raged outside and one took a hard swig of the spirit of Austria. Suddenly, the last sentence of an e-mail one had been reading on the computer screen shattered the icy complacency. “Sir, at this moment, President Yar’Adua is flying back home and is due back in the early hours.”

    “Coming back to where and to what?”, Snooper screamed at the computer screen in towering rage. The source of the news being too authentic and impeccable, one was left to impotent fury and implacable disgust. Forgetting how scantily dressed one had become in the intervening hours, one rushed out of the house and into the receding snow storm.

    It was bitterly cold outside. Snooper swept past the adjoining streets not knowing where one was going. As the fury slowly subsided, the icy frost began to bury its chilly fangs deep in the body. It was as if one was beginning to have an out of body experience as outlandish creatures from outer space started crowding the vision. Out of nowhere, a middle-aged man appeared, smartly dressed in a navy blue French conductor suit. The military swagger and the swashbuckling gait was unmistakable. It was the old general. It was Murtala Mohammed.

    “Talk of the devil,” Snooper mumbled in muted excitement as the teeth clattered away. In edgy contempt, the general ignored his new-found companion and then launched into a bitter tirade about the weather.

    “Kai, kai, it is bloody cold. Shege. Doualla, bani taba. Akoi Benson and Hedges?,” the general growled demanding for a stick of cigarette. Snooper quickly pointed at a huge neon sign prohibiting smoking.

    “Walahi, I will soon prohibit that your useless mouth for you,” the general cursed.

    “:No, no no, it’s not me, it is the whiteman. They have their strict rules and regulations,”Snooper protested.

    “Listen, I hate these stupid Oyinbo people. They are bloody hypocrites. They brought corruption and cheating to us and they keep calling us crooks. May Allah forgive them,” the general fumed.

    “Is that why you only took bribes from them?” Snooper demanded.

    “My brother, one bad turn deserves another,” the general began with a crooked, much endearing smile. “By the way how did you bloody rogue come by that? You have been reading classified material, eh? Yaro barawo ne?”

    “No, no no. I have been reading Akindele’s memoirs,” Snooper corrected.

    “Ah that old bugger, is he still around? He is a good man but I almost shot him. I overheard him cursing my mother in Yoruba,” the general growled.

    “I never knew you spoke Yoruba language,” Snooper marveled.

    “Ajoke, my wife is half Yoruba,” the great warlord noted wistfully.

    “General, how about a drink at Old Orleans at Broad Street?” snooper offered.

    “Drink ke? I am a devout Muslim, you know,” the general protested.

    “I also know something else. There was a famous restaurant in Lagos which was your watering hole. For years after your departure they use to take adverts to celebrate your patronage,” Snooper noted with a sly wink.

    “You are a real sonobabitch, you know. Okay, we’ll have a drink, but the Stout here is not as stout as the one back home. The one here is totally useless, like the people. I’ll have Johnnie Walker instead,” the General crowed with boyish enthusiasm.

    “By the way, General, Umaru is back”, Snooper said more like a complaint than anything else.

    “Who is Umaru?”, Murtala replied in genuine ignorance.

    “Umaru Yar’Adua,” Snooper replied.

    “What does he do for a living, and is he related to Shehu?”, the general queried.

    “He is our president, and he is Shehu’s brother. Obasanjo left him there after returning to power two decades later.” I replied.

    “Hmmmmm. That must be the boy calling himself 007,” the general began with a sardonic smirk on his face. “I don’t want to be uncharitable but has Nigeria now become a James Bond film? I know Shehu as a noble and first-class officer, loyal to the core. If he were to be around, I would not have been killed. Your yeye brother ran away. But this Umaru???”, the general brooded uneasily.

    “He is being supported by some northern elements who claim that the presidency is the north’s birthright till 2015 and that nothing should be done to disturb the arrangement,” Snooper noted without much passion.

    “Those lot again!!! I never allowed them near the seat of government when I was in power. They are an idle lot, forever seeking for relevance and power. If I have my way, I will put them on the farm settlement near Bagauda Lake,” the general growled.

    “They are led by a man called Inua Wada,” Snooper observed.

    “Kai mana, but that is my own uncle,” Mohammed blurted out.

    “I was wondering, too,” Snooper croaked with some mischief.

    “You see, the problem is more fundamental. By the way, what did Obasanjo himself forget at the State house that he was looking for?” Mohammed snarled.

    “He forgot to mess things up properly. Now for the first time in the history of the country, we have three presidents at the same time: An Acting President; an inactive President and an active President,” Snooper noted with muted relish.

    “I see. What is Theophilus Danjuma doing about the nonsense?”

    “Danjuma and Obasanjo are no longer on speaking terms,” Snooper replied.

    “What ? You know sometimes it may be better to die young. Longevity is a curse in Africa”, Mohammed reflected with misty eyes.

    “What the colonial Army put together, post-colonial oil blocs have torn asunder,” Snooper cynically pressed on even as a sad Mohammed ignored him.

    “And where is Akinrinade in all this?” Murtala growled.

    “He is out in the street protesting against all of them,” Snooper replied.

    “I see. It is a total disaster then. It is Abagana all over again. I must thank Sub-Lieutenant William Sheri for not missing his target. A country where Alani is a protester on the street is not worth living in”, General Murtala Ramat Mohammed noted and began moving away.

    “General, what about the drink?” Snooper protested.

    “To celebrate what?” Mohammed snapped. “But let me tell you this. Those of us who have killed for Nigeria and have been killed for Nigeria hold all of you responsible for this mess, this disgrace of the blackman.”

    The ferocious sleet storm was still raging in Birmingham. Luckily, the automatic heating system had come on unfailingly, rousing Snooper from his catatonic stupor. The computer screen was still flashing with the lone apocalyptic message: Umaru Yar’Adua is on his way home.

  • Furies of February

    Furies of February

    (Muri on my Mind)

    The furies of February are here with us. February is a callous month. It is the month when all illusions are shattered; when all old hopes are buried. New demons appear, while old demons refuse to disappear. If anybody thought that the Boko Haram scourge was going to be a quick fix, the past week must serve as a cautionary tale. For the first time in its history, Nigeria has been sucked into the borderless orbit of an international war. It is a war that stretches from Niger through Chad, Cameroons, Mali, Libya and all the way to stateless Somalia.

    We repeat. The Nigerian military forces were never trained, prepared or equipped for this kind of combat. We have to learn by the hoof of savage contention. Meanwhile, Nigerians, tossed and trussed in the inferno of state evisceration, are praying for a hero to rescue them, no matter where the fellow comes from. But it is not the heroism of an individual that will save Nigeria this time around. It is the collective heroism of all Nigerians.

    Last week marked the thirty eighth anniversary of the assassination of Murtala Mohammed. He was also thirty eight when he fell. Had he lived, Mohammed would have turned seventy six on November 8th. Ten years earlier, the tempestuous general had been the arrowhead of a bloody counter coup in which the initial war-cry had been “araba” or secession. But he was to undergo an acute transformation to become a militant champion of a united, progressive and corruption-free Nigeria. Many of his implacable critics would retort that it was only because the old parity had been restored.

    That is neither here nor there. It is not how a person starts out that matters but how they end up. Mohammed was both hero and antihero; liberator of national will and libero of oppression; shaman of military terror and statesman of equity. But by his sterling example, he has shown us that it is possible for the innate goodness and humanity in all of us to triumph over personal demons. If it were to put its best foot forward, the dissolute Nigerian political class may yet redeem themselves and rescue the nation.

    This morning, and by popular demand, we republish an ethereal encounter with the legendary general which first graced this page exactly four years ago.

  • Okon to return Sanusi’s documents

    On Thursday morning while Snooper was having an early morning reverie on the state of the nation, Okon barged in panting breathlessly.

    “Oga, he don happen. Dem come dumbu dem mosquito mala for Shakara Bank, abi wetin dem dey call am sef? “ the crazy boy chortled.

    “Okon get lost, it is not possible. The president does not have such power,” Snooper snarled, waving the crazy boy away.

    “President no get power. Oga, what if power come get president?” the boy snorted and slunk away. Later in the day after the earthquake had sunk in, the mad boy returned to press home his advantage. This time, he was dressed in flowing babanriga. Before Snooper could say a word, Okon had opened fire.

    “Oga I wan quickly reach Kano make I return dem kulikuli and goro dem mala forget for office,” the mad boy crowed.

    “Okon, be careful. There is something foul and nasty in the air,” Snooper warned.

    “Na mala shit be dat.” the crazy boy snorted.

    “Sanusi will challenge Jonathan in court,” Snooper noted without conviction.

    “Ha oga, mala no dey play Challenge cup. Dis no be time for yeye grammar,” the boy shot back.

    “Okon, get lost, now, now now” Snooper screamed.

    “Oga, you dey say progress no dey for Naija. But Ijaw man come dey wire mala like dat. Na so him be before before? Small time now Efik houseboy go dey hammer dem Yoruba masters.” Sensing the dawn of the dreaded apocalypse, Snooper sprang up. Okon fled.

  • Going to meet Pa Michael Imoudu

    Going to meet Pa Michael Imoudu

    To Ojavun-Emai deep in the rural bowels of good old Edo State for some bucolic pleasure and rapture with nature. This is the famed old Bendel countryside with its alluring rolling hills, its magical forests, its breathtaking scenic beauty and the sheer expanse of arable lands. This is the land of brave men and women who do not take hostages with their sharp and sizzling tongue.

    In a situation of national strife and confusion, there is nothing more healing and therapeutic than escaping to the countryside. It acts like a soothing balm to frayed and frazzled nerves. In the post-colonial nation, the city is where it hurts most; the city is where it is most dangerous; the city is where the pathologies of the urban denizens are most pronounced and most severe; the city is the citadel of lost souls. See Paris and die, as they used to say.

    There are even more compelling reasons to leave the city and head for Ojavun-Emai via the famed Sabongida Ora. The treasures and jewels in this part of the country, both human and natural, are inestimable, to put things in a rather oblique manner. And yet despite having journeyed all over the nooks and crannies of this vast nation, this is one magical corner that had so far eluded yours sincerely. Several opportunities missed, it was beginning to look like a rendezvous permanently postponed, until last Saturday that is. When are we going to see the land of Michael Imoudu?

    But let us cut to the chase, drop this sentimental waffling, and get to the real reason for going to Ojavun-Emai. As everybody knows, in journalism there are two major disincentives: Censorship and self-censorship. The one is more direct and overt, invariably arising from threats from the powers that be. The other is more covert and oblique, almost certainly arising from warnings from the inner powers that be and the natural human instinct for self-preservation. The antennae of trouble advises you to avoid certain topics and issues.

    It was Sonala Olumhense, the notable Nigeria journalist and aficionado of fine music, who coined the classic phrase for self-censorship in the eighties. He called it going to Afghanistan. Whenever the home terrain gets too hot, the discerning journalist escapes to some forgotten and misbegotten corner of the globe for some safe topics. But it may well be that the remarkable Ishan pen-pusher spoke too soon. Nigeria is big enough to accommodate strategic detours. Why go to Afghanistan when you can go to Sabongida Ora? Internal self-deportation is better than external self-expulsion.

    The country is certainly getting more interesting by the day. The stakes are being dramatically raised. It is going to be a desperate scrape. This week in faraway London and on Bloomberg, the old bruiser from Owu dropped another bombshell to the effect that Jonathan agreed to spend only one term. That one is presumably for international consumption. The battle line is sharply drawn. Obasanjo is the Joe Frazier of contemporary Nigerian politics. Once his mind is made up, old Smokin Joe would keep coming at you until you dump him on the canvas that is if he doesn’t fell you with a sledgehammer. See folks? I will rather be in Sabongida Ora.

    Only last week in this column, we published what was purported to be Okon’s own snipers’ list. An avid reader of the column who goes by various aliases but most notably Tata or Iska Countryman promptly shot back: “Oga Snooper, I worked hard to get your name off the list” To his minatory mentors, Tata argued that it was no use killing the messenger because it brings bad luck. After conceding Snooper’s divine skills as an obituarist, the internet cricket warned Snooper never to mention the word revolution in this column if he doesn’t want his name back on the dreaded list.

    Well, there is no point mentioning revolution when the real stuff is already with us. Last weekend as soon as the Arik flight landed in Benin, one could sniff revolution in the air. The old city of Benin is draped and emblazoned in revolution. Twice in the last four years in this column, we have had to draw attention to the slow transformation of this historic city from a sleepy rustic municipal village to a glittering metropolis.

    This Saturday morning as one began to make his way from the sexed up airport through the city and on to the outskirt, you have a feeling of a complete transformation. The colonial clutter and cataract were gone. This was not the clogged up agrarian catastrophe you knew by heart in the seventies.

    The streets of Benin are wide and well-paved again, just as the dazed and dazzled Portuguese explorers met them in the fifteenth century. There is a feel-good atmosphere everywhere. Snooper is reliably informed that even the great and wise old king of Benin has flatly insisted that even if the walls of the ancient storied palace have to make way for modernity, so be it. Thank you very much sir.

    You soon got the imprimatur of the man running the show even inside the bus taking you to Sabongida. The big brother is watching you. Like Bakayoko, the epic character in Sembene Ousmane’s Marxist novel, God’s Bits of Wood, Adams Aliyu Oshiomhole is everywhere and nowhere in particular. But you feel his overpowering presence everywhere. Oshiomhole is an African big brother: tough but compassionate; caring but not careless. It surely takes a tough man to rein in this tough breed.

    Inside the bus, Louis Odion, the intrepid and feisty Edo Commissioner for Information, had been running some colorful, abrasive and irreverent commentaries particularly about the political dinosaurs that held the state to ransom. But the driving was getting in the way. The rogue driver, a comically mustachioed fiend if you have ever seen any, could not care a hoot about the august personages he was ferrying. Piking no pass piking, as they say in that corner of the country. After a particularly nerve wracking feat of dangerous overtaking, Louis finally snapped. “I will report you to Comrade”, he shrieked at the devil. This seemed to have calmed him down immediately. Comrade is not for camaraderie when it comes to indiscipline.

    Snooper is very familiar with the landscape and topography of the old Bendel country side, its flora and fauna and its memorable mix of vegetation. After a few acute remarks about where the road was leading and the rural intersections ahead, Sam Omatseye remarked that his footloose majesty seems to know everywhere in the country. Needless to add that some of the journeys tell their own story and the tragedy of modern Nigeria.

    Almost 30 years earlier, we were on the same road to bury Dele Giwa in his ancestral village. Snooper remembers that on the road leading to Fugar and Agenebode, Adesua, a former student, miraculously materialised like a beautiful mirage on the side of the road among the crowd waving Dele an emotional goodbye. A few years earlier, Snooper was a regular fixture on the same road.

    This time around, it was as a gesture of solidarity with the Nigerian Tribune and the African Newspaper group. Alhaji Umoru Omolowo was the police commissioner in the old Oyo State during the infamous electoral heist of 1983. He retired from the force shortly thereafter. But as a gesture of punitive indignation, he had sued The Nigerian Tribune for defamation in his hometown of Okene.

    Tribune’s lawyer, Barrister Akin Ige, is a great crony and Snooper could not abandon the poor chap to the mercy of the fierce masquerades of Okene. It must be said for posterity that in court, Alhaji Omolowo was ever polite, courteous and solicitous of our wellbeing. The case eventually collapsed. So much for the rigid binary divides of Nigerian politics.

    By now, we had arrived in Sabongida Ora. There was something eerily unsettling in the air. The place was exactly as one had dreamt about and imagined. There was a feeling of Déjà vu. Rustic, idyllic villages nestling in the commodious expanse of agrarian paradise. All over the community, you noticed several glinting, freshly coated red-roofed school buildings standing side by side with the dilapidated pigsties that passed for schools in the old era.

    Again, Louis Odion was very helpful. The administration of the wily Adams Oshiomhole had deliberately left the old buildings as a museum of educational atrocity to remind the people that they were once held in bondage by educated barbarians. The point is well made. Oshiomhole is a wizard of telling tropes and searing symbolisms.

    Lest we forget why we were actually in the rural nirvana. We had come to Ojavun-Emai to pay our last respects to the late Madam Elizabeth Okheren Ifijeh, beloved mother of Victor Awolowo Ifijeh, the Managing Director of Vintage Press, publishers of The Nation newspaper. Huge banner posters of mama beaming a winsome and most beatific smile adorned the entire route.

    For Victor who has distinguished himself in the cloak and dagger world of Nigerian print journalism, it was also a triumphant homecoming. The ever retreating and self-effacing Victor would have found the whole thing a tad overwhelming. A man of muscular Christianity and much humility, Victor is rare breed in the pompous and egoistic world of Nigerian journalists.

    The funeral was now getting to the processional hymn. Will the real Adams Aliyu Oshomhole show up as advertised? Suddenly, the ground erupted. And there was the real McCoy, sleek and agile like a pint-sized political panther in the jungle. The crowd swooned in rapturous ovation as Adams jumped down with his legendary contempt for protocol.

    The last time Snooper saw him he was carrying his own luggage at Terminal Five in Heathrow. When questioned, Oshiomhole told Snooper that he was heading for Miami for an Edo reunion. But unlike the anonymous ambience of Heathrow, the governor is a folk hero to the rural folks here.

    And trust the man to know exactly what to say to the crowd. To wild acclaim, he had promised the community a huge water reservoir that would meet their crying need. For a long time to come, the good people of Edo would not be in hurry to forget Oshiomhole. What would the iconic Pa Michael Imoudu say to this development? That one of his own local descendants achieved an infrastructural revolution in his own home state without the textbook workers’ uprising and revolution? The answer is up there in the air. For now, so is Adams Aliyu Oshiomhole. It has been a good trip to the old Afemai Division.

  • Goodnight, Toyin my brother

    Snooper will miss one of the ardent fans and most implacable admirers of this column, Toyin Makanju, a.k.a Tee Mac, who fell a fortnight ago. The outpouring of grief speaks volume for this urbane and diffident gentleman who plied his distinguished trade quietly and diligently without ever trying to draw attention to himself. He had an uncanny ear for fine writing and the elegant turn of phrase.

    Toyin was a genius of newspaper production and one of the unsung heroes of Nigerian journalism rising through the ranks to become production editor of Daily Times and Group Sports editor of the Times group. Many contemporary journalists who cut their teeth under him spoke of his perfectionist streak and his abiding generosity of spirit. He was content with his lot and station in life. Despite his innate civility and meekness, he was never a groveling sycophant of power. He knew his place in the pecking order that matters.

    There was always something of the old Lagosian about the departed journalistic icon. Well born and well connected, he was refinement and good breeding personified. He always had about him a guarded politeness and sophisticated diffidence. To superiors and subordinates alike, he was ever courteous and unfailingly polite.

    Despite being an older kinsman, Snooper always admonished him not to use the Yoruba plural marker of respect when addressing him. But all this fell on deaf ears till the very end. His retort was that achievement and distinction have nothing to do with age. He treated one like a guru and cult figure.

    When Snooper last met him in late November at the wedding of our niece, he was his usual urbane, discreet and diffident self. He looked well and conducted himself with the usual grace and dignity. At a point, he slipped something into Snooper’s hand which looked like an exquisite cigar encased in a bullet like silver armour. He had said that it was to help yours sincerely and ease the pains of nocturnal elucubrations. It was only after it was opened that one discovered that it was an elegantly bottled perfume.

    A few months earlier, against all political sense and economic calculations, he had insisted that yours sincerely should be the chairman at his daughter’s wedding. Snooper obliged, and we had a swell and rousing time, particularly with some of those legendary Lagosian journalists of old who had all come to honour one of their own.

    As the late journalist was being lowered to mother earth penultimate Friday, Snooper could not but reflect on the futility and vanity of life. The comfort is that the unblemished nobility of his life will serve as an example for future generations. May his great and gracious soul rest in perfect peace. Goodnight, my dear brother.

  • Realpolitik and the real polity (2)

    Realpolitik and the real polity (2)

    Last week, we raised the ensign of a new power oligarchy in the country, the oligarchy of the creeks. Compared to other oligarchies in Nigeria, particularly the Yoruba oligarchy, the feudal oligarchy of the core north and the old military oligarchy, it is still inchoate and incoherent.

    It is not yet a hegemonic power bloc, even though it is seeking to supplant the two major power blocs in the nation. Given its facile assumptions, the crass superficiality of its standard bearers and its very mode of ascendancy , it may yet shipwreck in its own backyard, without going very far from the shipyard. This will be very unfortunate, given the fact that Nigeria needs more countervailing power centres.

    An oligarchy in itself is not a bad thing. As we have been told, all human organisations tend to crystallize into oligarchies. Power tends to gravitate to a small coherent group with the discipline, the self-control, the mastery of the terrain, and above all, the directing and specialised knowledge and access to political intelligence which allow them to take control and act on behalf of the larger group. This is the iron law of oligarchies.

    But an oligarchy can become counterproductive or degenerate to a mere criminal enterprise when a combination of adverse historical circumstances and unforeseen realities force it to act in a way that is destructive of the very basis of its coming to existence or subversive of the rationale for its continued viability. The Nigerian political graveyard is filled with the bones of many oligarchies.

    It needs to be restated that after the botched June 12, 1993 presidential election and its tragic aftermath, Jonathan’s pan-Nigerian mandate presented the best opportunity to create Nigeria anew and the best hope to forge a national and nationalist oligarchy which would have pushed Nigeria along the path of great development and genuine national cohesion. The old hegemonic power blocs had been neutralised and rendered hors de combat by adversity and –it must be said—by General Obasanjo’s brutal decimation and the creative destruction occasioned by his relentless war-gaming.

    Alas, you cannot give what you don’t have. Poor Goodluck Jonathan seems to have bungled it. And it is a fairly comprehensive mess. Jonathan’s relative inexperience, the unpropitious nature of his party, his own provincial background, his lack of the political nous needed to grapple with the baffling complexities of a nation in traumatic transition have worsened the national crisis. Oligarchs are made of sterner stuff.

    In the event, the nation has been pushed once again to uncharted territory. If it were possible to help the president back on his feet in order to regain the momentum, this would have been the path of least resistance and cost-effective damage limitation. But suborned by ethnic hysteria and completely beholden to the puerile shamans of apocalyptic violence, Jonathan is too far gone in the unfolding somnambulist nightmare.

    In the circumstance, and given the fact that it had been badly bruised in several battles of the Fourth Republic, you would have expected the dominant Yoruba political tendency to adopt a siddon look attitude to the imminent collision of forces, particularly as the confrontation between the core north and its former Niger Delta collaborators shapes up.

    In the alternative, realpolitik ought to have dictated that the dominant Yoruba group should team up in quiet complicity with the federal authorities against their old feudal adversaries no matter how reviled and revolting the nature of current federal politics. As a pragmatic strain of Yoruba worldview would have it, no matter the colour or complexion of the sky, what the bird eats is what the bird flies with.

    But that miserable food ethics is not in consonance or conformity with the dominant ethos of the Yoruba enacted over a thousand years of state-building and state-disabling in the forests and plains of what was to become Southern Nigeria. Ever since the formation of Nigeria, the Yoruba people have been in the forefront of the battle for the nation.

    It has been a Homeric battlefield indeed. .Many of their most illustrious scions have perished in the struggle for the state or have been wasted in a heroic but sometimes quixotic bid to lay down the foundations and principles of a modern nation-state.

    Old traditions often weigh down on new traditions like an unbearable burden. Children of old empire builders cannot be expected to sit idly by when new state-formations that will determine their fate and the fortunes of their children are being put in place. The problem is that they will have to do this with the descendants of other empire builders boxed together with them in a colonial cage of utmost contraries and contradictions.

    This is not to discount the specific issue raised by the Igbo questioning of the National Question. Not known to have built great empires in the immediate past, the Igbo people have marched into modern nationhood with grit, determination and dynamic resourcefulness thus bypassing the more gory contradictions of feudal formations.

    The phenomenal strides taken in education and commerce in the last eighty years by the Igbo people speak to this explosion of individual talents without any iron fetters of feudal bondage. As such it is a great redemptive resource for modern nation-building which ought to place the emergent Igbo elite in the forefront of Nigeria’s march to authentic greatness.

    Old advantages often turn into modern disadvantages. The situation recalls England of the Industrial Revolution. Precisely because it was at the periphery of ancient feudal formations, England was able to rapidly bypass the iron contradictions of the old order to rapidly emerge as the first authentic modern nation-state, unlike the more classical feudal formations such as ancient China, Ethiopia, Russia and to some extent Northern Nigeria. Snooper owes the initial insight to Samir Amin, the great Egyptian Marxist philosopher and political economist.

    But as the English have also taught us, even rapid modernisation requires some strong state standardization and constant configuration in order to rein in individualistic excesses and the tendency to anarchic freewheeling and unethical competitiveness. This is the conundrum of human development .

    Unfortunately, mired in convenient persecution complex, and suborned by the Ottoman-like antics and Byzantine intrigues of a feudally inspired post-colonial state for which they have no appetite and even talent, this crucial point continues to elude the outstanding Igbo philosophers in our midst. Rather than shopping for friends in a hostile environment, they are shopping for enemies. It doesn’t get more clueless and politically daft. The crisis of politics in Nigeria is also fundamentally a crisis of culture.

    Past failures ought to lead to a modification of enthusiasm or the application of new strategies. Two critical instances from the Yoruba past will suffice to explain the current quest for alliances and cooperation by the dominant Yoruba political tendency and the crucial dangers thereof. It reads like a horoscope of disaster and possible salvation.

    In 1978 at the commencement of party politics, Chief Awolowo invited a group of influential northern politicians, particularly of Middle Belt origins, to his Park Lane Apapa residence to solicit for their support to form a broad-based political party of which he would obviously be the presidential flag bearer.

    The fledgling association broke down at the very next meeting when the issue of finance and the distribution of posts came up. To the northern power brokers, politics is about the allocation of resources and a game of who gets what and at what time. This position greatly irritated and discomfited Awo who did not hide his displeasure. According to Mvendaga Jibo, “Awo’s countenance changed. He seemed irritated”.

    Needless to add that the whole thing ended in a fiasco. To show his contempt for prebendalist politics and its feudal past masters, Awolowo went ahead to name Phillip Umeadi, a political non-starter from the east, as his running mate. Unfortunately, contempt does not translate into votes. Awo’s political quest was doomed ab initio. So also by the same token was the Second Republic which dissolved into world-historic looting and state larceny.

    Towards the end of 1983, Awolowo gathered together his party faithful in Abeokuta for a state of the union review. It was against the backdrop of hysterical ranting of Umaru Dikko about an NPN Third Reich which would last forever. The UPN had been electorally hammered and the future appeared bleak and terrifying indeed.

    There was a forlorn and despondent mood in the background. It was at this meeting that Awolowo famously detoured into the Hegelian dialectic of inevitable change in which the best parts of a thesis combine with the best parts of its antithesis to form a new synthesis.

    As usual, the Ikenne titan was showing a remarkable insight into how contradictory forces shape history and the evolution of human society. What you want is not always what you get, and what you get is not always what you want. By 1987, Awo concluded his earthly labours. But 10 years after his Hegelian prophecy, MKO Abiola, a famous apostate and reconditioned reactionary, romped to victory as the flag bearer of a left of centre military party tacitly supported by Awo’s surviving lieutenants.

    Abiola was to perish in his quest to validate his electoral victory which had been annulled by his old military constituency. But upon the country’s return to civil rule in 1999, the Yoruba nation gave its full electoral endorsement to those of Awo’s acolytes who had waged a heroic battle against the annulment of Abiola’s mandate. Those Awo lieutenants who allowed their resentment of Abiola’s earlier role to becloud their perception of new realities were thrown off the cliff of contention forever.

    These new realities and Awo’s Hegelian thesis subsist and prevail, whatever our purist preference for an idealistic utopian polis. The perfect community is an imaginary paradise. That being the case, Abiola’s electoral victory and its sorry annulment, Awolowo’s heroic but doomed quest to extend his vision and version of modernity and fiscal order to the rest of the country presuppose that the Yoruba must go into alliance with other groups as long as Nigeria is structurally disfigured.

    Elementary political common sense presupposes that even if it is to preserve and consolidate the regional gains of the last few years, attack is the best form of defence. As the fate of the Action Group, UPN, SDP and AD ought to have taught us, you cannot wait for the enemy barricaded inside your own enclave and expect to survive the artillery onslaught. You must go out to meet him in the open coliseum of post-colonial strife.

    Knowing the Western Nigerian electorate for what they are, the tacit and tactical endorsement of alliance and association with the “auld enemy” is not a free meal ticket. The political razzmatazz of the moment must not becloud the Yoruba faction of the APC leadership into thinking that endorsement of alliance is a mandate for the wholesale surrender of Yoruba cultural values.

    Rather, they must see it as an opportunity to persuade their core northern colleagues that Nigeria can no longer be run along the old lines of patrimonial and prebendal feudal politics. It has already upended the old north, politically, spiritually and economically. Any federal government formed along those old lines will shipwreck in a matter of months. How the western faction of the APC does this will put to test their political sagacity and dexterity in the coming months. There is a limit to realpolitik in the face of the turbulent discontents of the real polity.

    In ending, perhaps we must return to the old magi of Ikenne. In his very last interview, Awolowo noted that if he were to come back in 10 years and Nigeria was still the way it was, he would be found at the head of a stone-throwing mob. It is 27 years, and the mob is already gathering. The hurly-burly may be here with us. As Jonathan’s predatory presidency has conclusively proven, Nigeria cannot continue like this.

  • Okon submits his own snipers’ list

    Ever since the old public letter writer of Ota penned his historic missive to his former(?) political protégé accusing him, among other things, of having a snipers’ nest in readiness for any eventuality, the polity has not known any peace. Many other aspiring letterati—please permit the coinage—have joined the fray, including the man who ran away when General Abacha famously sacked the National Assembly in 1993. It doesn’t get more absurd. But this is Nigeria where even snails fancy themselves as powerfully horned animals.

    Every new trade in Nigeria invites its own tradesmen and traders. The letter industry has witnessed an exponential growth and is about to be quoted in the Stock Exchange. Snooper used to fancy Obasanjo as a writer among generals, but now we must grudgingly concede that the old one is also a general among writers. The great one once wrote Snooper a 40 page letter in connection with a bitter dispute over his role in the June 12 fiasco. It was dated 11th April, 1998 from Yola Prison.

    Meanwhile, trust Nigerians, there have been nominations and self-nominations to the august list. Our feisty friend, the turbulently loquacious Nasir el-Rufai, insists that he is way up on the list among other distinguished opposition politicos. A top journalist also insists that he has seen his name on the list. A man who claimed to have regularly taken Goodluck Jonathan out while he served as a corper in the sleepy rural town of Iresi has requested Snooper to find out if his name was on the list for being a repository of state secrets.

    As usual, having detonated his literary bomb, the great wizard has retreated behind a wall of stormy silence leaving the fray to landlubbers who do not know a thing about the military strategy of terror bombardment. In boxing, it is not when you hit a man that he falls. According to the infamous Mike Tyson, there are certain blows that take their time. Snooper once watched a boxer so disoriented by punishment that he went and sat on his opponent’s laps.

    In the circumstance, the mystery snipers’ list has become a national mystery. But trust the crazy Okon not to have any of that nonsense. On Friday morning, Okon dropped a list on Snooper’s table.

    “What is this?” Snooper asked in alarm.

    “Oga, na dem snipers’ list be dat. Na dem dey snipe, na dem dey snap, na dem dey spitfire and na dem dey cause katakata for Obodo”, Okon shrieked.

    “I see”, Snooper drawled and quickly went through the list. It was brimming with historical accuracies and seditious fallacies. In a dramatic twist, Jonathan was top on the list with Obasanjo coming second among many others. Snooper was frantic.

    “But Obasanjo has kept quiet”, Snooper observed.

    “Oga dat one na wicked Yoruba quiet. You no say when dem wicked Yoruba people wan kill person dem go keep quiet, like dem devil”, the mad boy snorted.

    “Asari Dokubo has just been questioned by the SSS”, Snooper continued.

    “Dat one na wetin dem Fela dey call army arrangement”, the crazy boy winked.

    “And Mbu Mbu has just been removed from command”, an exasperated Snooper cautioned.

    “Oga dat one na bad riddance to good rubbish. “, Okon drawled. On that note, Snooper quickly pushed out the mad boy in a frantic damage limitation effort.

  • Realpolitik and the Real Polity (1)

    Realpolitik and the Real Polity (1)

    (For Pa Abdulkareem Adebisi Akande who walked the entire distance)

    Realpolitik is the urgent engagement with the practical and pragmatic necessities of politics as opposed to its idealistic possibilities. The world as it really is is quite different from the world as it ought to be. The real polity, with its throbbing contradictions, is totally different from the imagined and imaginary polis.

    In its primal sense, realpolitik often comes across as brutal and amoral politics totally devoid of principles and ideology. Yet it may also be the case that realpolitik is based on a brilliant and visionary reconstruction of existing reality which leaves us breathless and stranded in the way it opens up new vistas and engenders a shift in the very paradigm of political engagement.

    Why is it then that our current situation is so eerily reminiscent of events preceding the first coup and culminating in a civil war? For a moment, one can be forgiven for thinking that we are living in a time-warp. Yet you also know that you cannot step into the same river twice. The solutions of fifty years ago are no longer applicable or practical. Except as an absolute endgame, our good old military friends have also written themselves out of the script.

    As it is today, the few remaining Nigerian patriots must be troubled and worried about the state of the nation. The minimal gains of independence, the long and costly struggle against military despotism, the brutal battle for the enthronement and entrenchment of the sovereignty of the electorate, are about to be frittered away. At no other point in its history has the country appeared more religiously riven, ethnically fractured ,politically divided and economically polarised. The fault lines are being daily dug up by elderly idols of the tribes.

    In such circumstances, it is not surprising that we are witnessing what can only be described as the tribalisation of the nation or the rise of ethnic siege mentality. Everybody is retreating to the safety zone of their ethnic igloo in the face of pressing and real danger, and a pox on those who are perceived to be fooling around with other ethnic groups, particularly members of “enemy” tribes.

    The fears are not irrational. In any multi-racial or multi-ethnic society, a siege mentality develops when hostile circumstances force a sudden and sharp accentuation of primordial consciousness and ethnic self-awareness. The fear of the other parades as the fact of human existence. Generally, this can be extended along religious lines in spiritually divided societies. Brotherhoods and fellowships abound in order to define and delineate non-brothers and no-fellows. The result is often genocide and/or concentration camps such as witnessed in early America ,South Africa and Germany or civil wars such as we have seen in many countries.

    The power-equation in Nigeria is getting more interesting by the hour. With the northern power brokers ranged in a mortal political duel with their former minority collaborators, the rump of the old Igbo bloc is in tactical alliance with the minorities who hitherto regarded them as oppressors. Meanwhile, the dominant Yoruba political faction , the legal and logical inheritors of the mantle of the defenders of minority rights in Nigeria, have found themselves in tacit alliance with their former arch enemies.

    It doesn’t get more mixed up. One quick lesson. We may be back to 1966, but the order of battle is not the same. The old forces have been dispersed and scattered to the winds only for them to be brought back in a new configuration. A second lesson. The war for the soul of a country is a long-drawn affair with constantly changing tempi and theatre.

    This obvious fact notwithstanding, it is the case that in times of renewed emergency, it is the old order of battle that veterans remember. You cannot blame them. This is why the current alliance of the dominant Yoruba political faction and the old conservative core north is viewed by many as ill-motivated and completely misbegotten.

    There are many well-regarded Yoruba patriots who view this association as nothing but ideological betrayal; a political union forged in hell and brokered in opportunism, the ultimate cohabitation of strange bedfellows. Many view this alliance as an attempt to deliver the Yoruba nation bound and gagged to the same “auld enemy” they have fought off with great ferocity and tenacity for the greater part of four decades. Many old Yoruba political warriors still bear the scars.

    These misgivings and apprehensions are weighty and not without their merits. But more often than not, they are also a product of superstition, ignorance and plain political mischief. To be sure, the confrontation between the Hausa/Fulani power masters and the dominant Yoruba political elite looms large in the history of modern Nigeria either in its direct engagement or the wars of proxies. But there has not been a permanently fixed Yoruba political adversary. Nor have the Yoruba people been fixated on a particular path to national freedom and development to the exclusion of others.

    In the run up to independence, the dominant Yoruba political elite found themselves in a deadly struggle with the emergent Igbo elite as they tried to wrestle the control of the old West from the NCNC. So entrenched was Zik in Lagos and the rest of the region that even majority of the Yoruba Lagos elite dismissed Awolowo and his group as “separatists and Pakis”. Like radical insurgents, Action Group eventually overwhelmed the Yoruba cities from the interior.

    It was only after this victory that Awolowo turned his attention to the rest of the country and particularly the north in a heroic but quixotic quest to extend life more abundant to the whole of Nigeria. An attempt to secure an alliance with the east was sternly rebuffed by Zik who was still nursing old wounds. After this, Awolowo decided to take on the feudal masters in a direct confrontation. The ensuing titanic struggle and the destruction of the First Republic, military coup and eventual civil war still frames and dominates Nigeria’s post-colonial memory.

    But Awolowo and his group did not have it all to themselves. As it is usually the case with confident and self-assured political elites, a radically different perception of reality led to an open split and schism in the Action Group. As far as Samuel Ladoke Akintola and his followers were concerned, the main problem of the ascendant Yoruba power bloc was not the feudal north and its master class but the avaricious, overly ambitious and ever grasping Igbo elite.

    Akintola was comfortable with northern domination and supremacy as long as the west got its due. His battle cry was the memorable anti-Igbo elite slogan: “Ekiniani, Ekejiani, Eketaani”. On his last day on earth, the late master of devastating innuendo had gone up to the Sardauna for guidance about the way forward in the enveloping mayhem. Later that night, he was to succumb to Captain Nwobosi and his men, despite his putting up a stiff resistance.

    Many Yoruba patriots still see this guarded collaboration with dominant power and federal authorities as a classic example of realpolitik—and they are gaining new converts from old enemy war camps in a significant play of signifiers across ancient binary divides. But the politically focused see it as a classic misreading of historical signal, an attempt to pursue old enemies long after the order of battle had changed and long after the political realities on ground had mutated to new challenges.

    Pursuing the dominant Yoruba political elite in all its inevitable mutations as it picks its way through the minefields and open-ended trenches of post-colonial Nigeria is a mind-bending exercise. The political gaming requires the skills of a magician and the dazzling dexterity of a trapeze artist. From guarded collaboration with the old north during the civil war, the old opposition resumed with fury as soon as Chief Awolowo quit the cabinet in 1971 right up to the military coup of 1983.

    Thereafter, a hide and seek game of wary collaboration and guarded withdrawal commenced between the Yoruba elite and the military proxies of the northern feudal master-class, culminating in the annulment of the June12, 1993 presidential election after which the tense truce broke down completely. The subsequent rise of General Abacha and the degeneration of military rule to sheer state terrorism, the murder of Abiola in prison and General Abubakar’s ambiguous restoration of parity and Yoruba honour are firmly embedded in the national consciousness as part of the folklore of the struggle against military tyranny.

    In the current republic, the Yoruba have risen against the presidential ambition of one of their most famous sons only to tactically endorse his return to office four years later in 2003 when it became clear that the old adversary from the north was bent on torpedoing him. But three years later, they rose in fury against their son when it became obvious that he was bent on perpetuating himself in office. While the dominant fraction of the Yoruba political elite were generally indifferent to Umaru Yar’Adua, they were implacably opposed to the attempts by a feudal cabal to stall and stymie the process of installing his successor once it became clear that the Katsina nobleman was no longer in a position to rule.

    It can be seen that the dominant Yoruba political elite —as dynamically constituted at any given point in history—- have fought many battles in the history of Nigeria. It is not always a particular or fixed adversary. The Nigerian post-colonial state is a permanent arena and theatre of unending warfare. The Yoruba culture places premium value on fairness and justice. The current battle is not about any Hausa/Fulani oligarchy but a new oligarchy of the creeks.

    Three years ago, the Yoruba and Nigerian electorate voted for political justice over the equally competing and compelling claim of social justice. It was felt that no matter the social inequities that plague the nation, the question of political inequality that Jonathan represents was far more pressing and threatening to the continued existence of the country.

    Three years later and five years under Jonathan’s watch social injustice has deepened in the nation and political inequality has worsened. With his astonishing incompetence, his totalitarian crudities and the uncivilised ethnic-baiting of some of his aboriginal henchmen, Jonathan has proved a far more pressing and immediate danger to the continued existence of the country.

    Ordinarily, a deep sense of shame, embarrassment and disappointment with himself ought to have precluded Jonathan from asking for our mandate again. But this is Nigeria where ethnic agenda often overrides collective national interest. If Nigeria were to survive its current adversity, the will of the Nigerian multitude must be asserted over the rising tide of ethnic hysteria.

    (To be continued next week)